As ever lived — at least at number Four,
In Austin Friars, in Mrs. Brown’s first floor,
At fifty pounds — or thereabouts — per ann.
The Lady reckon’d him her best of lodgers1,
His rent so punctually paid each quarter —
He did not smoke like nasty foreign codgers —
Or play French horns like Mr. Rogers —
Or talk his flirting2 nonsense to her daughter. —
Not that the girl was light behaved or courtable —
Still on one failing tenderly to touch,
The Gentleman did like a drop too much,
(Tho’ there are many such)
And took more Port than was exactly portable.
In fact — to put the cap upon the nipple,
And try the charge — Tom certainly did tipple3.
He thought the motto was but sorry stuff
On Cribb’s Prize Cup — Yes, wrong in ev’ry letter —
That “D——d be he who first cries Hold Enough!“
The more cups hold, and if enough, the better.
And so to set example in the eyes
Of Fancy’s lads, and give a broadish hint to them,
All his cups were of such ample size
That he got into them.
Once in the company of merry mates,
In spite of Temperance’s if’s and buts,
So sure as Eating is set off with plates,
His Drinking always was bound up with cuts!
Howbeit, such Bacchanalian4 revels5
Bring very sad catastrophes6 about;
Palsy, Dyspepsy, Dropsy, and Blue Devils,
Not to forget the Gout.
Sometimes the liver takes a spleenful whim7
To grow to Strasburg’s regulation size,
As if for those hepatical goose pies —
Or out of depth the head begins to swim —
Poor Simpson! what a thing occurred to him!
’Twas Christmas — he had drunk the night before —
Like Baxter, who so “went beyond his last”—
One bottle more, and then one bottle more,
Till oh! the red-wine Ruby-con was pass’d!
And homeward, by the short small chimes of day,
With many a circumbendibus to spare,
For instance, twice round Finsbury Square,
To use a fitting phrase, he wound his way.
Then comes the rising, with repentance8 bitter,
And all the nerves —(and sparrows)— in a twitter,
Till settled by the sober Chinese cup:
The hands, o’er all, are members that make motions,
A sort of wavering, just like the ocean’s,
Which has its swell9, too, when it’s getting up —
An awkward circumstance enough for elves
Who shave themselves;
And Simpson just was ready to go thro’ it,
When lo! the first short glimpse within the glass —
He jump’d — and who alive would fail to do it? —
To see however it had come to pass,
One section of his face as green as grass!
In vain each eager wipe,
With soap — without — wet — hot or cold — or dry,
Still, still, and still, to his astonished eye
One cheek was green, the other cherry ripe!
Plump in the nearest chair he sat him down,
Quaking, and quite absorb’d in a deep study —
But verdant10 and not brown —
What could have happened to a tint11 so ruddy?
Indeed it was a very novel case,
By way of penalty for being jolly,
To have that evergreen12 stuck in his face,
Just like the windows with their Christmas holly13.
“All claret marks,”— thought he — Tom knew his forte14 —
“Are red — this color CANNOT come from Port!”
One thing was plain; with such a face as his,
’Twas quite impossible to ever greet
Good Mrs. Brown; nay15, any party meet,
Altho’ ’twas such a parti-colored phiz!
As for the public, fancy Sarcy Ned,
The coachman, flying, dog-like, at his head,
With “Ax your pardon, Sir, but if you please —
Unless it comes too high —
Vere ought a feller, now, to go to buy
The t’other half, Sir, of that ’ere green cheese?”
His mind recoil’d — so he tied up his head,
As with a raging tooth, and took to bed;
Of course with feelings far from the serene16,
For all his future prospects17 seemed to be,
To match his customary tea,
Black, mixt with green.
Meanwhile, good Mrs. Brown
Wondered at Mr. S. not coming down,
And sent the maid up-stairs to learn the why;
To whom poor Simpson, half delirious18,
Returned an answer so mysterious
That curiosity began to fry;
The more, as Betty, who had caught a snatch
By peeping in upon the patient’s bed,
Reported a most bloody19, tied-up head,
Got over-night of course —“Harm watch, harm catch,”
From Watchmen in a boxing-match.
So, liberty or not —
Good lodgers are too scarce to let them off in
A suicidal coffin20 —
The dame21 ran up as fast as she could trot22;
Appearance — “fiddle-sticks!” should not deter23
From going to the bed,
And looking at the head:
“La! Mister S— — he need not care for her!
A married woman that had had
Nine boys and gals24, and none had turned out bad —
Her own dear late would come home late at night,
And liquor always got him in a fight.
She’d been in hospitals — she wouldn’t faint
At gores25 and gashes26 fingers wide and deep;
She knew what’s good for bruises27 and what ain’t —
Turlington’s Drops she made a pint28 to keep.
Cases she’d seen beneath the surgent’s hand —
Such skulls29 japann’d — she meant to say trepann’d!
Poor wretches30! you would think they’d been in battle,
And hadn’t hours to live,
From tearing horses’ kicks or Smithfield cattle,
Shamefully31 over-driv! —
Heads forced to have a silver plate atop,
To get the brains to stop.
At imputations of the legs she’d been,
And neither screech’d nor cried —”
Hereat she pluck’d the white cravat32 aside,
And lo! the whole phenomenon was seen —
“Preserve us all! He’s going to gangrene!”
Alas33! through Simpson’s brain
Shot the remark, like ball, with mortal pain;
It tallied34 truly with his own misgiving35,
And brought a groan36,
To move a heart of stone —
A sort of farewell to the land of living!
And as the case was imminent37 and urgent,
He did not make a shadow of objection
To Mrs. B.‘s proposal for a “surgent,”
But merely gave a sigh of deep dejection,
While down the verdant cheek a tear of grief
Stole, like a dew-drop on a cabbage-leaf.
Swift flew the summons — it was life or death!
And in as short a time as he could race it,
Came Doctor Puddicome, as short of breath,
To try his Latin charms against Hic Jacet.
He took a seat beside the patient’s bed,
Saw tongue — felt pulse — examined the bad cheek —
Poked38, strok’d, pinch’d, kneaded it — hemm’d — shook his head —
Took a long solemn pause the cause to seek,
(Thinking, it seem’d in Greek,)
Then ask’d —’twas Christmas —“Had he eaten grass,
Or greens — and if the cook was so improper39
To boil them up with copper40,
Or farthings made of brass41;
Or if he drank his Hock from dark green glass,
Or dined at City Festivals, whereat
There’s turtle, and green fat?”
To all of which, with serious tone of woe42,
Poor Simpson answered “No,”
Indeed he might have said in form auricular,
Supposing Puddicome had been a monk43 —
He had not eaten (he had only drunk)
Of anything “Particular.”
The Doctor was at fault;
A thing so new quite brought him to a halt.
Cases of other colors came in crowds,
He could have found their remedy, and soon;
But green — it sent him up among the clouds,
As if he had gone up with Green’s balloon!
Black with Black Jaundice he had seen the skin;
From Yellow Jaundice yellow,
From saffron tints44 to sallow; —
Then retrospective memory lugg’d in
Old Purple Face, the Host at Kentish Town —
East Indians, without number,
He knew familiarly, by heat done Brown,
From tan to a burnt umber,
Ev’n those eruptions45 he had never seen
Of which the Caledonian Poet spoke46,
As ”rashes growing green”—
“Phoo! phoo! a rash grow green!
Nothing of course, but a broad Scottish joke!”
Then as to flaming visages, for those
The Scarlet48 Fever answer’d, or the Rose —
But verdant! that was quite a novel stroke!
Men turn’d to blue, by Cholera’s last stage,
In common practice he had really seen;
But Green — he was too old, and grave, and sage47,
To think of the last stage to Turnham Green!
So matters stood in-doors — meanwhile without,
Growing in going like all other rumors49,
The modern miracle was buzz’d about,
By people of all humors,
Native or foreign in their dialecticals;
Till all the neighborhood, as if their noses
Had taken the odd gross from little Moses,
Seemed looking thro’ green spectacles.
“Green faces!” so they all began to comment —
“Yes — opposite to Druggists’ lighted shops,
But that’s a flying color — never stops —
A bottle-green that’s vanish’d in a moment.
Green! nothing of the sort occurs to mind,
Nothing at all to match the present piece;
Jack50 in the Green has nothing of the kind —
Green-grocers are not green — nor yet green geese!”
The oldest Supercargoes or Old Sailors
Of such a case had never heard,
From Emerald Isle51 to Cape52 de Verd;
“Or Greenland!” cried the whalers.
All tongues were full of the Green Man, and still
They could not make him out with all their skill;
No soul could shape the matter, head or tail —
But Truth steps in where all conjectures53 fail.
A long half hour, in needless puzzle,
Our Galen’s cane54 had rubbed against his muzzle55;
He thought, and thought, and thought and thought, and thought —
And still it came to nought56,
When up rush’d Betty, loudest of Town Criers,
“Lord, Ma’am, the new Police is at the door!
It’s B, ma’am, Twenty-four —
As brought home Mister S. to Austin Friars,
And says there’s nothing but a simple case —
He got that ’ere green face
By sleeping in the kennel57 near the Dyer’s!”
点击收听单词发音
1 lodgers | |
n.房客,租住者( lodger的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
2 flirting | |
v.调情,打情骂俏( flirt的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
3 tipple | |
n.常喝的酒;v.不断喝,饮烈酒 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
4 bacchanalian | |
adj.闹酒狂饮的;n.发酒疯的人 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
5 revels | |
n.作乐( revel的名词复数 );狂欢;着迷;陶醉v.作乐( revel的第三人称单数 );狂欢;着迷;陶醉 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
6 catastrophes | |
n.灾祸( catastrophe的名词复数 );灾难;不幸事件;困难 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
7 whim | |
n.一时的兴致,突然的念头;奇想,幻想 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
8 repentance | |
n.懊悔 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
9 swell | |
vi.膨胀,肿胀;增长,增强 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
10 verdant | |
adj.翠绿的,青翠的,生疏的,不老练的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
11 tint | |
n.淡色,浅色;染发剂;vt.着以淡淡的颜色 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
12 evergreen | |
n.常青树;adj.四季常青的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
13 holly | |
n.[植]冬青属灌木 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
14 forte | |
n.长处,擅长;adj.(音乐)强音的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
15 nay | |
adv.不;n.反对票,投反对票者 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
16 serene | |
adj. 安详的,宁静的,平静的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
17 prospects | |
n.希望,前途(恒为复数) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
18 delirious | |
adj.不省人事的,神智昏迷的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
19 bloody | |
adj.非常的的;流血的;残忍的;adv.很;vt.血染 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
20 coffin | |
n.棺材,灵柩 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
21 dame | |
n.女士 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
22 trot | |
n.疾走,慢跑;n.老太婆;现成译本;(复数)trots:腹泻(与the 连用);v.小跑,快步走,赶紧 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
23 deter | |
vt.阻止,使不敢,吓住 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
24 gals | |
abbr.gallons (复数)加仑(液量单位)n.女孩,少女( gal的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
25 gores | |
n.(动物)用角撞伤,用牙刺破( gore的名词复数 )v.(动物)用角撞伤,用牙刺破( gore的第三人称单数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
26 gashes | |
n.深长的切口(或伤口)( gash的名词复数 )v.划伤,割破( gash的第三人称单数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
27 bruises | |
n.瘀伤,伤痕,擦伤( bruise的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
28 pint | |
n.品脱 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
29 skulls | |
颅骨( skull的名词复数 ); 脑袋; 脑子; 脑瓜 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
30 wretches | |
n.不幸的人( wretch的名词复数 );可怜的人;恶棍;坏蛋 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
31 shamefully | |
可耻地; 丢脸地; 不体面地; 羞耻地 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
32 cravat | |
n.领巾,领结;v.使穿有领结的服装,使结领结 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
33 alas | |
int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
34 tallied | |
v.计算,清点( tally的过去式和过去分词 );加标签(或标记)于;(使)符合;(使)吻合 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
35 misgiving | |
n.疑虑,担忧,害怕 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
36 groan | |
vi./n.呻吟,抱怨;(发出)呻吟般的声音 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
37 imminent | |
adj.即将发生的,临近的,逼近的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
38 poked | |
v.伸出( poke的过去式和过去分词 );戳出;拨弄;与(某人)性交 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
39 improper | |
adj.不适当的,不合适的,不正确的,不合礼仪的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
40 copper | |
n.铜;铜币;铜器;adj.铜(制)的;(紫)铜色的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
41 brass | |
n.黄铜;黄铜器,铜管乐器 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
42 woe | |
n.悲哀,苦痛,不幸,困难;int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
43 monk | |
n.和尚,僧侣,修道士 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
44 tints | |
色彩( tint的名词复数 ); 带白的颜色; (淡色)染发剂; 痕迹 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
45 eruptions | |
n.喷发,爆发( eruption的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
46 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
47 sage | |
n.圣人,哲人;adj.贤明的,明智的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
48 scarlet | |
n.深红色,绯红色,红衣;adj.绯红色的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
49 rumors | |
n.传闻( rumor的名词复数 );[古]名誉;咕哝;[古]喧嚷v.传闻( rumor的第三人称单数 );[古]名誉;咕哝;[古]喧嚷 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
50 jack | |
n.插座,千斤顶,男人;v.抬起,提醒,扛举;n.(Jake)杰克 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
51 isle | |
n.小岛,岛 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
52 cape | |
n.海角,岬;披肩,短披风 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
53 conjectures | |
推测,猜想( conjecture的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
54 cane | |
n.手杖,细长的茎,藤条;v.以杖击,以藤编制的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
55 muzzle | |
n.鼻口部;口套;枪(炮)口;vt.使缄默 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
56 nought | |
n./adj.无,零 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
57 kennel | |
n.狗舍,狗窝 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
欢迎访问英文小说网 |