I mean of body, not the mental,
To name the worst, among the worst,
The dental sure is transcendental;
Some bit of masticating1 bone,
That ought to help to clear a shelf,
But lets its proper work alone,
And only seems to gnaw2 itself;
In fact, of any grave attack
On victual there is little danger,
’Tis so like coming to the rack,
As well as going to the manger.
Old Hunks — it seemed a fit retort
Of justice on his grinding ways —
Possessed4 a grinder of the sort,
That troubled all his latter days.
The best of friends fall out, and so
His teeth had done some years ago,
Save some old stumps5 with ragged7 root,
And they took turn about to shoot;
If he drank any chilly8 liquor,
They made it quite a point to throb9;
But if he warmed it on the hob,
Why then they only twitched10 the quicker.
One tooth — I wonder such a tooth
Had never killed him in his youth —
One tooth he had with many fangs11,
That shot at once as many pangs12,
It had a universal sting;
One touch of that ecstatic stump6
Could jerk his limbs and make him jump,
Just like a puppet on a string;
And what was worse than all, it had
A way of making others bad.
There is, as many know, a knack13,
With certain farming undertakers,
And this same tooth pursued their track,
By adding achers still to achers!
One way there is, that has been judged
A certain cure, but Hunks was loth
To pay the fee, and quite begrudged14
To lose his tooth and money both;
In fact, a dentist and the wheel
Of Fortune are a kindred cast,
For after all is drawn15, you feel
It’s paying for a blank at last;
So Hunks went on from week to week,
And kept his torment16 in his cheek;
Oh! how it sometimes set him rocking,
With that perpetual gnaw — gnaw — gnaw,
His moans and groans17 were truly shocking,
And loud — altho’ he held his jaw18.
Many a tug19 he gave his gum
And tooth, but still it would not come,
Tho’ tied to string by some firm thing,
He could not draw it, do his best,
By draw’rs, altho’ he tried a chest.
At last, but after much debating,
He joined a score of mouths in waiting,
Like his, to have their troubles out.
Sad sight it was to look about
At twenty faces making faces,
With many a rampant20 trick and antic,
For all were very horrid21 cases,
And made their owners nearly frantic22.
A little wicket now and then
Took one of these unhappy men,
And out again the victim rushed,
While eyes and mouth together gushed23;
At last arrived our hero’s turn,
Who plunged24 his hands in both his pockets,
And down he sat, prepared to learn
How teeth are charmed to quit their sockets25.
Those who have felt such operations,
Alone can guess the sort of ache,
When his old tooth began to break
The thread of old associations;
It touched a string in every part,
It had so many tender ties;
One cord seemed wrenching26 at his heart,
And two were tugging27 at his eyes;
“Bone of his bone,” he felt, of course,
As husbands do in such divorce;
At last the fangs gave way a little,
Hunks gave his head a backward jerk,
And lo! the cause of all this work,
Went — where it used to send his victual!
The monstrous28 pain of this proceeding29
Had not so numbed30 his miser31 wit,
But in this slip he saw a hit
To save, at least, his purse from bleeding;
So when the dentist sought his fees,
Quoth Hunks, “Let’s finish, if you please,”
“How, finish! why, it’s out!”—“Oh no —
’Tis you are out, to argue so;
I’m none of your before-hand tippers.
My tooth is in my head no doubt,
But, as you say you pulled it out,
Of course it’s there — between your nippers,”
“Zounds, sir! d’ye think I’d sell the truth
To get a fee? no, wretch32, I scorn it!”
But Hunks still asked to see the tooth,
And swore by gum! he had not drawn it.
His end obtained, he took his leave,
A secret chuckle33 in his sleeve;
The joke was worthy34 to produce one,
To think, by favor of his wit
How well a dentist had been bit
By one old stump, and that a loose one!
The thing was worth a laugh, but mirth
Is still the frailest35 thing on earth:
Alas36! how often when a joke
Seems in our sleeve, and safe enough,
There comes some unexpected stroke
And hangs a weeper on the cuff37!
Hunks had not whistled half a mile,
When, planted right against a stile,
There stood his foeman, Mike Mahoney,
A vagrant38 reaper39, Irish born,
That helped to reap our miser’s corn,
But had not helped to reap his money,
A fact that Hunks remembered quickly;
His whistle all at once was quelled40,
And when he saw how Michael held
His sickle41, he felt rather sickly.
Nine souls in ten, with half his fright,
Would soon have paid the bill at sight,
But misers42 (let observers watch it)
Will never part with their delight
Till well demanded by a hatchet43 —
They live hard — and they die to match it.
Thus Hunks prepared for Mike’s attacking,
Resolved not yet to pay the debt,
But let him take it out in hacking44;
However, Mike began to stickle
In words before he used the sickle;
But mercy was not long attendant:
From words at last he took to blows,
And aimed a cut at Hunks’s nose,
That made it what some folks are not —
A member very independent.
Heaven knows how far this cruel trick
Might still have led, but for a tramper
That came in danger’s very nick,
To put Mahoney to the scamper45.
But still compassion46 met a damper;
There lay the severed47 nose, alas!
Beside the daisies on the grass,
“Wee, crimson-tipt” as well as they,
According to the poet’s lay:
And there stood Hunks, no sight for laughter.
Away went Hodge to get assistance,
With nose in hand, which Hunks ran after,
But somewhat at unusual distance.
In many a little country place
It is a very common case
To have but one residing doctor,
Whose practice rather seems to be
No practice, but a rule of three,
Physician — surgeon — drug-decoctor;
Thus Hunks was forced to go once more
Where he had ta’en his to t’ before.
His mere48 name made the learned man hot —
“What! Hunks again within my door!
I’ll pull his nose”; quoth Hunks, “You cannot.”
The doctor looked and saw the case
Plain as the nose not on his face.
“Oh! hum — ha — yes — I understand.”
But then arose a long demur49,
For not a finger would he stir
Till he was paid his fee in hand;
That matter settled, there they were,
With Hunks well strapped50 upon his chair.
The opening of a surgeon’s job —
His tools, a chestful or a drawerful —
Are always something very awful,
And give the heart the strangest throb;
But never patient in his funks
Looked half so like a ghost as Hunks,
Or surgeon half so like a devil
Prepared for some infernal revel51:
His huge black eye kept rolling, rolling,
Just like a bolus in a box:
His fury seemed above controlling,
He bellowed52 like a hunted ox:
“Now, swindling wretch, I’ll show thee how
We treat such cheating knaves53 as thou;
Oh! sweet is this revenge to sup;
I have thee by the nose — it’s now
My turn — and I will turn it up.”
Guess how the miser liked the scurvy54
And cruel way of venting55 passion;
The snubbing folks in this new fashion
Seemed quite to turn him topsy-turvy;
He uttered prayers, and groans, and curses,
For things had often gone amiss
And wrong with him before, but this
Would be the worst of all reverses!
In fancy he beheld56 his snout
Turned upwards57 like a pitcher’s spout58;
There was another grievance59 yet,
And fancy did not fail to show it,
That he must throw a summerset,
Or stand upon his head to blow it.
And was there then no argument
To change the doctor’s vile60 intent,
And move his pity? — yes, in truth,
And that was — paying for the tooth.
“Zounds! pay for such a stump! I’d rather —”
But here the menace went no farther,
For with his other ways of pinching,
Hunks had a miser’s love of snuff.
A recollection strong enough
To cause a very serious flinching61;
In short, he paid and had the feature
Replaced as it was meant by nature;
For tho’ by this ’twas cold to handle
(No corpse’s could have felt so horrid),
And white just like an naked candle,
The doctor deemed and proved it too,
That noses from the nose will do
As well as noses from the forehead;
So, fixed62 by din3 of rag and lint63,
The part was bandaged up and muffled64.
The chair unfastened, Hunks rose,
And shuffled65 off, for once unshuffled;
And as he went, these words he snuffled —
“Well, this is ‘paying thro’ the nose.’”
点击收听单词发音
1 masticating | |
v.咀嚼( masticate的现在分词 );粉碎,磨烂 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
2 gnaw | |
v.不断地啃、咬;使苦恼,折磨 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
3 din | |
n.喧闹声,嘈杂声 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
4 possessed | |
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
5 stumps | |
(被砍下的树的)树桩( stump的名词复数 ); 残肢; (板球三柱门的)柱; 残余部分 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
6 stump | |
n.残株,烟蒂,讲演台;v.砍断,蹒跚而走 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
7 ragged | |
adj.衣衫褴褛的,粗糙的,刺耳的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
8 chilly | |
adj.凉快的,寒冷的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
9 throb | |
v.震颤,颤动;(急速强烈地)跳动,搏动 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
10 twitched | |
vt.& vi.(使)抽动,(使)颤动(twitch的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
11 fangs | |
n.(尤指狗和狼的)长而尖的牙( fang的名词复数 );(蛇的)毒牙;罐座 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
12 pangs | |
突然的剧痛( pang的名词复数 ); 悲痛 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
13 knack | |
n.诀窍,做事情的灵巧的,便利的方法 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
14 begrudged | |
嫉妒( begrudge的过去式和过去分词 ); 勉强做; 不乐意地付出; 吝惜 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
15 drawn | |
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
16 torment | |
n.折磨;令人痛苦的东西(人);vt.折磨;纠缠 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
17 groans | |
n.呻吟,叹息( groan的名词复数 );呻吟般的声音v.呻吟( groan的第三人称单数 );发牢骚;抱怨;受苦 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
18 jaw | |
n.颚,颌,说教,流言蜚语;v.喋喋不休,教训 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
19 tug | |
v.用力拖(或拉);苦干;n.拖;苦干;拖船 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
20 rampant | |
adj.(植物)蔓生的;狂暴的,无约束的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
21 horrid | |
adj.可怕的;令人惊恐的;恐怖的;极讨厌的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
22 frantic | |
adj.狂乱的,错乱的,激昂的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
23 gushed | |
v.喷,涌( gush的过去式和过去分词 );滔滔不绝地说话 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
24 plunged | |
v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 );暴跌;骤降;突降 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
25 sockets | |
n.套接字,使应用程序能够读写与收发通讯协定(protocol)与资料的程序( Socket的名词复数 );孔( socket的名词复数 );(电器上的)插口;托座;凹穴 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
26 wrenching | |
n.修截苗根,苗木铲根(铲根时苗木不起土或部分起土)v.(猛力地)扭( wrench的现在分词 );扭伤;使感到痛苦;使悲痛 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
27 tugging | |
n.牵引感v.用力拉,使劲拉,猛扯( tug的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
28 monstrous | |
adj.巨大的;恐怖的;可耻的,丢脸的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
29 proceeding | |
n.行动,进行,(pl.)会议录,学报 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
30 numbed | |
v.使麻木,使麻痹( numb的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
31 miser | |
n.守财奴,吝啬鬼 (adj.miserly) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
32 wretch | |
n.可怜的人,不幸的人;卑鄙的人 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
33 chuckle | |
vi./n.轻声笑,咯咯笑 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
34 worthy | |
adj.(of)值得的,配得上的;有价值的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
35 frailest | |
脆弱的( frail的最高级 ); 易损的; 易碎的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
36 alas | |
int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
37 cuff | |
n.袖口;手铐;护腕;vt.用手铐铐;上袖口 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
38 vagrant | |
n.流浪者,游民;adj.流浪的,漂泊不定的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
39 reaper | |
n.收割者,收割机 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
40 quelled | |
v.(用武力)制止,结束,镇压( quell的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
41 sickle | |
n.镰刀 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
42 misers | |
守财奴,吝啬鬼( miser的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
43 hatchet | |
n.短柄小斧;v.扼杀 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
44 hacking | |
n.非法访问计算机系统和数据库的活动 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
45 scamper | |
v.奔跑,快跑 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
46 compassion | |
n.同情,怜悯 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
47 severed | |
v.切断,断绝( sever的过去式和过去分词 );断,裂 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
48 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
49 demur | |
v.表示异议,反对 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
50 strapped | |
adj.用皮带捆住的,用皮带装饰的;身无分文的;缺钱;手头紧v.用皮带捆扎(strap的过去式和过去分词);用皮带抽打;包扎;给…打绷带 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
51 revel | |
vi.狂欢作乐,陶醉;n.作乐,狂欢 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
52 bellowed | |
v.发出吼叫声,咆哮(尤指因痛苦)( bellow的过去式和过去分词 );(愤怒地)说出(某事),大叫 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
53 knaves | |
n.恶棍,无赖( knave的名词复数 );(纸牌中的)杰克 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
54 scurvy | |
adj.下流的,卑鄙的,无礼的;n.坏血病 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
55 venting | |
消除; 泄去; 排去; 通风 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
56 beheld | |
v.看,注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 );瞧;看呀;(叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现)哎哟 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
57 upwards | |
adv.向上,在更高处...以上 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
58 spout | |
v.喷出,涌出;滔滔不绝地讲;n.喷管;水柱 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
59 grievance | |
n.怨愤,气恼,委屈 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
60 vile | |
adj.卑鄙的,可耻的,邪恶的;坏透的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
61 flinching | |
v.(因危险和痛苦)退缩,畏惧( flinch的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
62 fixed | |
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
63 lint | |
n.线头;绷带用麻布,皮棉 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
64 muffled | |
adj.(声音)被隔的;听不太清的;(衣服)裹严的;蒙住的v.压抑,捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 );用厚厚的衣帽包着(自己) | |
参考例句: |
|
|
65 shuffled | |
v.洗(纸牌)( shuffle的过去式和过去分词 );拖着脚步走;粗心地做;摆脱尘世的烦恼 | |
参考例句: |
|
|
欢迎访问英文小说网 |