My mistress was, as I have said, a kind and tender-hearted woman; and in the simplicity5 of her soul she commenced, when I first went to live with her, to treat me as she supposed one human being ought to treat another. In entering upon the duties of a slaveholder, she did not seem to perceive that I sustained to her the relation of a mere6 chattel7, and that for her to treat me as a human being was not only wrong, but dangerously so. Slavery proved as injurious to her as it did to me. When I went there, she was a pious8, warm, and tender-hearted woman. There was no sorrow or suffering for which she had not a tear. She had bread for the hungry, clothes for the naked, and comfort for every mourner that came within her reach. Slavery soon proved its ability to divest9 her of these heavenly qualities. Under its influence, the tender heart became stone, and the lamblike disposition10 gave way to one of tiger-like fierceness. The first step in her downward course was in her ceasing to instruct me. She now commenced to practise her husband's precepts11. She finally became even more violent in her opposition12 than her husband himself. She was not satisfied with simply doing as well as he had commanded; she seemed anxious to do better. Nothing seemed to make her more angry than to see me with a newspaper. She seemed to think that here lay the danger. I have had her rush at me with a face made all up of fury, and snatch from me a newspaper, in a manner that fully13 revealed her apprehension14. She was an apt woman; and a little experience soon demonstrated, to her satisfaction, that education and slavery were incompatible15 with each other.
From this time I was most narrowly watched. If I was in a separate room any considerable length of time, I was sure to be suspected of having a book, and was at once called to give an account of myself. All this, however, was too late. The first step had been taken. Mistress, in teaching me the alphabet, had given me the inch, and no precaution could prevent me from taking the ell.
The plan which I adopted, and the one by which I was most successful, was that of making friends of all the little white boys whom I met in the street. As many of these as I could, I converted into teachers. With their kindly aid, obtained at different times and in different places, I finally succeeded in learning to read. When I was sent of errands, I always took my book with me, and by going one part of my errand quickly, I found time to get a lesson before my return. I used also to carry bread with me, enough of which was always in the house, and to which I was always welcome; for I was much better off in this regard than many of the poor white children in our neighborhood. This bread I used to bestow16 upon the hungry little urchins17, who, in return, would give me that more valuable bread of knowledge. I am strongly tempted18 to give the names of two or three of those little boys, as a testimonial of the gratitude19 and affection I bear them; but prudence20 forbids;—not that it would injure me, but it might embarrass them; for it is almost an unpardonable offence to teach slaves to read in this Christian21 country. It is enough to say of the dear little fellows, that they lived on Philpot Street, very near Durgin and Bailey's ship-yard. I used to talk this matter of slavery over with them. I would sometimes say to them, I wished I could be as free as they would be when they got to be men. "You will be free as soon as you are twenty-one, but I am a slave for life! Have not I as good a right to be free as you have?" These words used to trouble them; they would express for me the liveliest sympathy, and console me with the hope that something would occur by which I might be free.
I was now about twelve years old, and the thought of being a slave for life began to bear heavily upon my heart. Just about this time, I got hold of a book entitled "The Columbian Orator22." Every opportunity I got, I used to read this book. Among much of other interesting matter, I found in it a dialogue between a master and his slave. The slave was represented as having run away from his master three times. The dialogue represented the conversation which took place between them, when the slave was retaken the third time. In this dialogue, the whole argument in behalf of slavery was brought forward by the master, all of which was disposed of by the slave. The slave was made to say some very smart as well as impressive things in reply to his master—things which had the desired though unexpected effect; for the conversation resulted in the voluntary emancipation23 of the slave on the part of the master.
In the same book, I met with one of Sheridan's mighty24 speeches on and in behalf of Catholic emancipation. These were choice documents to me. I read them over and over again with unabated interest. They gave tongue to interesting thoughts of my own soul, which had frequently flashed through my mind, and died away for want of utterance25. The moral which I gained from the dialogue was the power of truth over the conscience of even a slaveholder. What I got from Sheridan was a bold denunciation of slavery, and a powerful vindication26 of human rights. The reading of these documents enabled me to utter my thoughts, and to meet the arguments brought forward to sustain slavery; but while they relieved me of one difficulty, they brought on another even more painful than the one of which I was relieved. The more I read, the more I was led to abhor27 and detest28 my enslavers. I could regard them in no other light than a band of successful robbers, who had left their homes, and gone to Africa, and stolen us from our homes, and in a strange land reduced us to slavery. I loathed29 them as being the meanest as well as the most wicked of men. As I read and contemplated30 the subject, behold31! that very discontentment which Master Hugh had predicted would follow my learning to read had already come, to torment32 and sting my soul to unutterable anguish33. As I writhed34 under it, I would at times feel that learning to read had been a curse rather than a blessing35. It had given me a view of my wretched condition, without the remedy. It opened my eyes to the horrible pit, but to no ladder upon which to get out. In moments of agony, I envied my fellow-slaves for their stupidity. I have often wished myself a beast. I preferred the condition of the meanest reptile36 to my own. Any thing, no matter what, to get rid of thinking! It was this everlasting37 thinking of my condition that tormented38 me. There was no getting rid of it. It was pressed upon me by every object within sight or hearing, animate39 or inanimate. The silver trump40 of freedom had roused my soul to eternal wakefulness. Freedom now appeared, to disappear no more forever. It was heard in every sound, and seen in every thing. It was ever present to torment me with a sense of my wretched condition. I saw nothing without seeing it, I heard nothing without hearing it, and felt nothing without feeling it. It looked from every star, it smiled in every calm, breathed in every wind, and moved in every storm.
I often found myself regretting my own existence, and wishing myself dead; and but for the hope of being free, I have no doubt but that I should have killed myself, or done something for which I should have been killed. While in this state of mind, I was eager to hear any one speak of slavery. I was a ready listener. Every little while, I could hear something about the abolitionists. It was some time before I found what the word meant. It was always used in such connections as to make it an interesting word to me. If a slave ran away and succeeded in getting clear, or if a slave killed his master, set fire to a barn, or did any thing very wrong in the mind of a slaveholder, it was spoken of as the fruit of abolition41. Hearing the word in this connection very often, I set about learning what it meant. The dictionary afforded me little or no help. I found it was "the act of abolishing;" but then I did not know what was to be abolished. Here I was perplexed42. I did not dare to ask any one about its meaning, for I was satisfied that it was something they wanted me to know very little about. After a patient waiting, I got one of our city papers, containing an account of the number of petitions from the north, praying for the abolition of slavery in the District of Columbia, and of the slave trade between the States. From this time I understood the words abolition and abolitionist, and always drew near when that word was spoken, expecting to hear something of importance to myself and fellow-slaves. The light broke in upon me by degrees. I went one day down on the wharf43 of Mr. Waters; and seeing two Irishmen unloading a scow of stone, I went, unasked, and helped them. When we had finished, one of them came to me and asked me if I were a slave. I told him I was. He asked, "Are ye a slave for life?" I told him that I was. The good Irishman seemed to be deeply affected44 by the statement. He said to the other that it was a pity so fine a little fellow as myself should be a slave for life. He said it was a shame to hold me. They both advised me to run away to the north; that I should find friends there, and that I should be free. I pretended not to be interested in what they said, and treated them as if I did not understand them; for I feared they might be treacherous45. White men have been known to encourage slaves to escape, and then, to get the reward, catch them and return them to their masters. I was afraid that these seemingly good men might use me so; but I nevertheless remembered their advice, and from that time I resolved to run away. I looked forward to a time at which it would be safe for me to escape. I was too young to think of doing so immediately; besides, I wished to learn how to write, as I might have occasion to write my own pass. I consoled myself with the hope that I should one day find a good chance. Meanwhile, I would learn to write.
The idea as to how I might learn to write was suggested to me by being in Durgin and Bailey's ship-yard, and frequently seeing the ship carpenters, after hewing46, and getting a piece of timber ready for use, write on the timber the name of that part of the ship for which it was intended. When a piece of timber was intended for the larboard side, it would be marked thus—"L." When a piece was for the starboard side, it would be marked thus—"S." A piece for the larboard side forward, would be marked thus—"L. F." When a piece was for starboard side forward, it would be marked thus—"S. F." For larboard aft, it would be marked thus—"L. A." For starboard aft, it would be marked thus—"S. A." I soon learned the names of these letters, and for what they were intended when placed upon a piece of timber in the ship-yard. I immediately commenced copying them, and in a short time was able to make the four letters named. After that, when I met with any boy who I knew could write, I would tell him I could write as well as he. The next word would be, "I don't believe you. Let me see you try it." I would then make the letters which I had been so fortunate as to learn, and ask him to beat that. In this way I got a good many lessons in writing, which it is quite possible I should never have gotten in any other way. During this time, my copy-book was the board fence, brick wall, and pavement; my pen and ink was a lump of chalk. With these, I learned mainly how to write. I then commenced and continued copying the Italics in Webster's Spelling Book, until I could make them all without looking on the book. By this time, my little Master Thomas had gone to school, and learned how to write, and had written over a number of copy-books. These had been brought home, and shown to some of our near neighbors, and then laid aside. My mistress used to go to class meeting at the Wilk Street meetinghouse every Monday afternoon, and leave me to take care of the house. When left thus, I used to spend the time in writing in the spaces left in Master Thomas's copy-book, copying what he had written. I continued to do this until I could write a hand very similar to that of Master Thomas. Thus, after a long, tedious effort for years, I finally succeeded in learning how to write.
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1
stratagems
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| n.诡计，计谋( stratagem的名词复数 )；花招 | |
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2
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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compliance
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| n.顺从；服从；附和；屈从 | |
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brute
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| n.野兽，兽性 | |
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simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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6
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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7
chattel
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| n.动产；奴隶 | |
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8
pious
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| adj.虔诚的；道貌岸然的 | |
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9
divest
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| v.脱去，剥除 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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11
precepts
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| n.规诫，戒律，箴言( precept的名词复数 ) | |
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12
opposition
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| n.反对，敌对 | |
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13
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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15
incompatible
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| adj.不相容的，不协调的，不相配的 | |
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16
bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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17
urchins
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| n.顽童( urchin的名词复数 )；淘气鬼；猬；海胆 | |
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18
tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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19
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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20
prudence
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| n.谨慎，精明，节俭 | |
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21
Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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22
orator
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| n.演说者，演讲者，雄辩家 | |
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23
emancipation
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| n.（从束缚、支配下）解放 | |
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24
mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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25
utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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26
vindication
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| n.洗冤，证实 | |
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27
abhor
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| v.憎恶；痛恨 | |
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detest
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| vt.痛恨，憎恶 | |
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29
loathed
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| v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的过去式和过去分词 )；极不喜欢 | |
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30
contemplated
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| adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
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31
behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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32
torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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33
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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34
writhed
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| （因极度痛苦而）扭动或翻滚( writhe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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35
blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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36
reptile
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| n.爬行动物；两栖动物 | |
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37
everlasting
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| adj.永恒的，持久的，无止境的 | |
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38
tormented
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| 饱受折磨的 | |
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39
animate
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| v.赋于生命，鼓励；adj.有生命的，有生气的 | |
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40
trump
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| n.王牌，法宝；v.打出王牌，吹喇叭 | |
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41
abolition
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| n.废除，取消 | |
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42
perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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43
wharf
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| n.码头，停泊处 | |
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44
affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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45
treacherous
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| adj.不可靠的，有暗藏的危险的；adj.背叛的，背信弃义的 | |
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46
hewing
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| v.（用斧、刀等）砍、劈( hew的现在分词 )；砍成；劈出；开辟 | |
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