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CHAPTER V I WILL NOT BE HIM
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Out in Harley Street Simon walked hurriedly and without goal. It was getting past luncheon-time; he had forgotten the fact.

Oppenshaw was one of those men who carry conviction. You will have noticed in life that quite a lot of people don't convince; they may be good, they may be earnest, but they don't convince. Selling a full-grown dog in the world's market, they have little chance against a convincing competitor selling a pup.

Oppenshaw's twenty-five thousand a year came, in good part, from this quality. He had convinced Simon of the fact that inside Simon lay Youth that was once Simon—Youth that, though unseen and unknown to the world, could still dominate its container even to the extent of meddling1 with his bank balance.

That for Simon was at this moment the main fact in the situation. It was sufficiently2 bad[Pg 35] that this old imperious youth should be able to make him act foolishly, but that was nothing to the fact that it was able to tamper3 with his money.

Simon's money was the solid ground under his feet, and he recognised, now, that it was everything to him—everything. He could have sacrificed at a pinch all else; he could have sacrificed Mudd, his furniture, his old prints, his cellar, but his money was even more than the ground under his feet—it was himself.

Suppose this disease were to recur4 often and at shorter intervals5, or become chronic6?

He calculated furiously that at the rate of five thousand a month his fortune would last, roughly, a year and a half. He saw his securities being sold, his property in Hertfordshire, his furniture, his pictures.

He had a remedy, it is true: to put himself under restraint. A nice sort of remedy!

In Weymouth Street, the home of nursing homes and doctors, into which he had wandered, his mind tension became so acute that the impulse came on him to hurry back to Oppenshaw in the vague hope that something else might be done—some operation, for instance. He knew little of medicine and less of surgery, but he had heard of people being operated on[Pg 36] for brain mischief7, and he remembered, now, having read of an old admiral who had lost consciousness owing to an injury at the battle of the Nile, and had remained unconscious till an operation cured him some months later.

He was saved from bothering Oppenshaw again by an instinctive8 feeling that it would be useless. You cannot extract the follies9 of youth by an operation. He went on trending towards Oxford10 Street, but still without object.

What made his position worse was his instinct as a solicitor11. For forty years he had, amongst other work, been engaged in tying up Youth so that it could not get at Property, extracting Youth from pitfalls12 it had tumbled into whilst carrying Property in its arms. The very words "youth" and "property," innocent in themselves, were obnoxious13 to Simon when combined. He had always held that no young man ought to inherit till he was twenty-five, and, heaven knows, that opinion had a firm basis in experience. He had always in law looked askance on youth and its doings. In practice he had been tolerant enough, though, indeed, youth comes little in the way of a hard-working and prominent elderly solicitor, but in law, and he was mostly law, he had little tolerance14, no respect.

And here was youth with his property in its[Pg 37] arms, or what was, perhaps, even worse, the imminent15 dread16 of that unholy alliance.

In Oxford Street he stopped at a shop window and inspected ladies' blouses—that was his condition of mind; jewellers' windows held him, not by the excellence17 of their goods, but by the necessity to turn his back to the crowd and think—think—think.

His mind was in a turmoil18, and he could no more control his thoughts than he could have controlled the traffic; the wares19 of the merchants exposed to view seemed to do the thinking. Gold alberts only held his eye to explain that his lands in Hertfordshire flung on the market in the present state of agriculture would not fetch a tithe20 of their worth, but that his green-seal sherry and all the treasures of his cellar would bring half the West End to their sale—Old Pettigrew's cellar.

Other things in other shops spoke21 to him in a like manner, and then he found himself at Oxford Circus with the sudden consciousness that this was not fighting Lethmann's disease by the exercise of will. His will had, in fact, been in abeyance22, his imagination master of him.

But a refuge in the middle of Oxford Circus was not exactly the place for the re-equipment of will-power; the effort nearly cost him his life[Pg 38] from a motor-lorry as he crossed. Then, when he had reached the other side and could resume work free of danger, he found that he had apparently23 no will to re-equip.

He found himself repeating over and over the words, "I will not be him—I will not be him." That seemed all right for a moment, and he would have satisfied himself that his will-power was working splendidly, had not a sudden cold doubt sprung up in his heart as to whether the proper formula ought not to be, "He will not be me."

Ah! that was the crux24 of the business. It was quite easy to determine, "I will not be him," but when it came to the declaration, "He will not be me," Simon found that he had no will-power in the matter. It was quite easy to determine that he would not do foolish things, impossible to determine that another should not do them.

Then it came to his mind like a flash that the other one was not a personality so much as a combination of foolish actions, old desires, and alien motives25 let loose on the world without governance.

He turned mechanically into Verreys' and had a chop. At Simpson's in the Strand26 he always had a chop or a cut from the saddle, or a cut[Pg 39] from the sirloin—like the razors, the daily menus following one another in rotation27. This was a chop day, just as it was a "Tuesday" day, and habit prevented him from forgetting the fact. The chop and a half-bottle of St. Estéphe made him feel a stronger man. He suddenly became cheerful and valiant28.

"If worst comes to worst," said he to himself, "I can put myself under restraint; nobody need know. Yes, begad! I have always that. I can put myself under surveillance. Why, dash it! I can tie up my money so that I can't touch it; it's quite easy."

The chop and St. Estéphe, hauling him out of the slough29 of despond, told him this. It was a sure way of escape from losing his money. He had furiously rejected the idea at Oppenshaw's, but at Oppenshaw's his Property had not had time to talk fully30 to him, but in that awful journey from Harley Street to Verreys' he had walked arm-in-arm with his Property chattering31 on one side and dumb Bankruptcy32 on the other.

Restraint would have been almost as odious33 as bankruptcy to him, yet now, as a sure means of escape from the other, it seemed almost a pleasant prospect34.

He left Verreys' and walked along feeling brighter and better. He turned into the[Pg 40] Athen?um. It was turning-in time at the Athen?um, and the big armchairs were full of somnolent35 ones, bald heads drooping36, whiskers hidden by the sheets of the Times. Here he met Sir Ralph Puttick, Hon. Physician to His Majesty37, stiff, urbane38, stately, seeming ever supported on either side by a lion and a unicorn39.

Sir Ralph and Simon were known one to the other and had much in common, including anti-socialism.

In armchairs, they talked of Lloyd George—at least, Sir Ralph did, Simon had other considerations on his mind. Leaning forward in his chair, he suddenly asked, apropos40 of nothing:

"Did you ever hear of a disease called Lethmann's disease?"

Now Sir Ralph was Chest and Heart, nothing else. He was also nettled41 at "shop" being suddenly thrust upon him by a damned attorney, for Simon was "Simon Pettigrew, quite a character, one of our old-fashioned, first-class English lawyers," when Sir Ralph was in a good temper and happened to consider Simon; nettled, Simon was a "damned attorney."

"Never," said Sir Ralph. "What disease did you say?"

"Lethmann's. It's a new disease, it seems."

Another horrid42 blunder, as though the lion[Pg 41] and unicorn man were only acquainted with old diseases—out of date, in fact.

"Never," replied the other. "There's no such thing. Who told you about it?"

"I read about it," said Simon. He tried to give a picture of the symptoms and failed to convince, but he managed to irritate. The semi-royal one listened with a specious43 appearance of attention and even interest; then, the other having finished, he opened his batteries.

Simon left the Club with the feeling that he had been put upon the stand beside charlatans44, quacks45, and the purveyor46 of crank theories; also that he had been snubbed.

点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 meddling meddling     
v.干涉,干预(他人事务)( meddle的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • He denounced all "meddling" attempts to promote a negotiation. 他斥责了一切“干预”促成谈判的企图。 来自辞典例句
  • They liked this field because it was never visited by meddling strangers. 她们喜欢这块田野,因为好事的陌生人从来不到那里去。 来自辞典例句
2 sufficiently 0htzMB     
adv.足够地,充分地
参考例句:
  • It turned out he had not insured the house sufficiently.原来他没有给房屋投足保险。
  • The new policy was sufficiently elastic to accommodate both views.新政策充分灵活地适用两种观点。
3 tamper 7g3zom     
v.干预,玩弄,贿赂,窜改,削弱,损害
参考例句:
  • Do not tamper with other's business.不要干预别人的事。
  • They had strict orders not to tamper with the customs of the minorities.他们得到命令严禁干涉少数民族的风俗习惯。
4 recur wCqyG     
vi.复发,重现,再发生
参考例句:
  • Economic crises recur periodically.经济危机周期性地发生。
  • Of course,many problems recur at various periods.当然,有许多问题会在不同的时期反复提出。
5 intervals f46c9d8b430e8c86dea610ec56b7cbef     
n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 );间隔时间;[数学]区间;(戏剧、电影或音乐会的)幕间休息
参考例句:
  • The forecast said there would be sunny intervals and showers. 预报间晴,有阵雨。
  • Meetings take place at fortnightly intervals. 每两周开一次会。
6 chronic BO9zl     
adj.(疾病)长期未愈的,慢性的;极坏的
参考例句:
  • Famine differs from chronic malnutrition.饥荒不同于慢性营养不良。
  • Chronic poisoning may lead to death from inanition.慢性中毒也可能由虚弱导致死亡。
7 mischief jDgxH     
n.损害,伤害,危害;恶作剧,捣蛋,胡闹
参考例句:
  • Nobody took notice of the mischief of the matter. 没有人注意到这件事情所带来的危害。
  • He seems to intend mischief.看来他想捣蛋。
8 instinctive c6jxT     
adj.(出于)本能的;直觉的;(出于)天性的
参考例句:
  • He tried to conceal his instinctive revulsion at the idea.他试图饰盖自己对这一想法本能的厌恶。
  • Animals have an instinctive fear of fire.动物本能地怕火。
9 follies e0e754f59d4df445818b863ea1aa3eba     
罪恶,时事讽刺剧; 愚蠢,蠢笨,愚蠢的行为、思想或做法( folly的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • He has given up youthful follies. 他不再做年轻人的荒唐事了。
  • The writings of Swift mocked the follies of his age. 斯威夫特的作品嘲弄了他那个时代的愚人。
10 Oxford Wmmz0a     
n.牛津(英国城市)
参考例句:
  • At present he has become a Professor of Chemistry at Oxford.他现在已是牛津大学的化学教授了。
  • This is where the road to Oxford joins the road to London.这是去牛津的路与去伦敦的路的汇合处。
11 solicitor vFBzb     
n.初级律师,事务律师
参考例句:
  • The solicitor's advice gave me food for thought.律师的指点值得我深思。
  • The solicitor moved for an adjournment of the case.律师请求将这个案件的诉讼延期。
12 pitfalls 0382b30a08349985c214a648cf92ca3c     
(捕猎野兽用的)陷阱( pitfall的名词复数 ); 意想不到的困难,易犯的错误
参考例句:
  • the potential pitfalls of buying a house 购买房屋可能遇到的圈套
  • Several pitfalls remain in the way of an agreement. 在达成协议的进程中还有几个隐藏的困难。
13 obnoxious t5dzG     
adj.极恼人的,讨人厌的,可憎的
参考例句:
  • These fires produce really obnoxious fumes and smoke.这些火炉冒出来的烟气确实很难闻。
  • He is the most obnoxious man I know.他是我认识的最可憎的人。
14 tolerance Lnswz     
n.宽容;容忍,忍受;耐药力;公差
参考例句:
  • Tolerance is one of his strengths.宽容是他的一个优点。
  • Human beings have limited tolerance of noise.人类对噪音的忍耐力有限。
15 imminent zc9z2     
adj.即将发生的,临近的,逼近的
参考例句:
  • The black clounds show that a storm is imminent.乌云预示暴风雨即将来临。
  • The country is in imminent danger.国难当头。
16 dread Ekpz8     
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧
参考例句:
  • We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
  • Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。
17 excellence ZnhxM     
n.优秀,杰出,(pl.)优点,美德
参考例句:
  • His art has reached a high degree of excellence.他的艺术已达到炉火纯青的地步。
  • My performance is far below excellence.我的表演离优秀还差得远呢。
18 turmoil CKJzj     
n.骚乱,混乱,动乱
参考例句:
  • His mind was in such a turmoil that he couldn't get to sleep.内心的纷扰使他无法入睡。
  • The robbery put the village in a turmoil.抢劫使全村陷入混乱。
19 wares 2eqzkk     
n. 货物, 商品
参考例句:
  • They sold their wares at half-price. 他们的货品是半价出售的。
  • The peddler was crying up his wares. 小贩极力夸耀自己的货物。
20 tithe MoFwS     
n.十分之一税;v.课什一税,缴什一税
参考例句:
  • It's not Christ plus your tithe.这不是基督再加上你的什一税。
  • The bible tells us that the tithe is the lords.圣经说十分之一是献给主的。
21 spoke XryyC     
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说
参考例句:
  • They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
  • The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。
22 abeyance vI5y6     
n.搁置,缓办,中止,产权未定
参考例句:
  • The question is in abeyance until we know more about it.问题暂时搁置,直到我们了解更多有关情况再行研究。
  • The law was held in abeyance for well over twenty years.这项法律被搁置了二十多年。
23 apparently tMmyQ     
adv.显然地;表面上,似乎
参考例句:
  • An apparently blind alley leads suddenly into an open space.山穷水尽,豁然开朗。
  • He was apparently much surprised at the news.他对那个消息显然感到十分惊异。
24 crux 8ydxw     
adj.十字形;难事,关键,最重要点
参考例句:
  • The crux of the matter is how to comprehensively treat this trend.问题的关键是如何全面地看待这种趋势。
  • The crux of the matter is that attitudes have changed.问题的要害是人们的态度转变了。
25 motives 6c25d038886898b20441190abe240957     
n.动机,目的( motive的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • to impeach sb's motives 怀疑某人的动机
  • His motives are unclear. 他的用意不明。
26 strand 7GAzH     
vt.使(船)搁浅,使(某人)困于(某地)
参考例句:
  • She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ears.她把一缕散发夹到了耳后。
  • The climbers had been stranded by a storm.登山者被暴风雨困住了。
27 rotation LXmxE     
n.旋转;循环,轮流
参考例句:
  • Crop rotation helps prevent soil erosion.农作物轮作有助于防止水土流失。
  • The workers in this workshop do day and night shifts in weekly rotation.这个车间的工人上白班和上夜班每周轮换一次。
28 valiant YKczP     
adj.勇敢的,英勇的;n.勇士,勇敢的人
参考例句:
  • He had the fame of being very valiant.他的勇敢是出名的。
  • Despite valiant efforts by the finance minister,inflation rose to 36%.尽管财政部部长采取了一系列果决措施,通货膨胀率还是涨到了36%。
29 slough Drhyo     
v.蜕皮,脱落,抛弃
参考例句:
  • He was not able to slough off the memories of the past.他无法忘记过去。
  • A cicada throws its slough.蝉是要蜕皮的。
30 fully Gfuzd     
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地
参考例句:
  • The doctor asked me to breathe in,then to breathe out fully.医生让我先吸气,然后全部呼出。
  • They soon became fully integrated into the local community.他们很快就完全融入了当地人的圈子。
31 chattering chattering     
n. (机器振动发出的)咔嗒声,(鸟等)鸣,啁啾 adj. 喋喋不休的,啾啾声的 动词chatter的现在分词形式
参考例句:
  • The teacher told the children to stop chattering in class. 老师叫孩子们在课堂上不要叽叽喳喳讲话。
  • I was so cold that my teeth were chattering. 我冷得牙齿直打战。
32 bankruptcy fPoyJ     
n.破产;无偿付能力
参考例句:
  • You will have to pull in if you want to escape bankruptcy.如果你想避免破产,就必须节省开支。
  • His firm is just on thin ice of bankruptcy.他的商号正面临破产的危险。
33 odious l0zy2     
adj.可憎的,讨厌的
参考例句:
  • The judge described the crime as odious.法官称这一罪行令人发指。
  • His character could best be described as odious.他的人格用可憎来形容最贴切。
34 prospect P01zn     
n.前景,前途;景色,视野
参考例句:
  • This state of things holds out a cheerful prospect.事态呈现出可喜的前景。
  • The prospect became more evident.前景变得更加明朗了。
35 somnolent YwLwA     
adj.想睡的,催眠的;adv.瞌睡地;昏昏欲睡地;使人瞌睡地
参考例句:
  • The noise of the stream had a pleasantly somnolent effect.小河潺潺的流水声有宜人的催眠效果。
  • The sedative makes people very somnolent.这种镇静剂会让人瞌睡。
36 drooping drooping     
adj. 下垂的,无力的 动词droop的现在分词
参考例句:
  • The drooping willows are waving gently in the morning breeze. 晨风中垂柳袅袅。
  • The branches of the drooping willows were swaying lightly. 垂柳轻飘飘地摆动。
37 majesty MAExL     
n.雄伟,壮丽,庄严,威严;最高权威,王权
参考例句:
  • The king had unspeakable majesty.国王有无法形容的威严。
  • Your Majesty must make up your mind quickly!尊贵的陛下,您必须赶快做出决定!
38 urbane GKUzG     
adj.温文尔雅的,懂礼的
参考例句:
  • He tried hard to be urbane.他极力作出彬彬有礼的神态。
  • Despite the crisis,the chairman's voice was urbane as usual.尽管处于危机之中,董事长的声音还象通常一样温文尔雅。
39 unicorn Ak7wK     
n.(传说中的)独角兽
参考例句:
  • The unicorn is an imaginary beast.独角兽是幻想出来的动物。
  • I believe unicorn was once living in the world.我相信独角兽曾经生活在这个世界。
40 apropos keky3     
adv.恰好地;adj.恰当的;关于
参考例句:
  • I thought he spoke very apropos.我认为他说得很中肯。
  • He arrived very apropos.他来得很及时。
41 nettled 1329a37399dc803e7821d52c8a298307     
v.拿荨麻打,拿荨麻刺(nettle的过去式与过去分词形式)
参考例句:
  • My remarks clearly nettled her. 我的话显然惹恼了她。
  • He had been growing nettled before, but now he pulled himself together. 他刚才有些来火,但现在又恢复了常态。 来自英汉文学 - 金银岛
42 horrid arozZj     
adj.可怕的;令人惊恐的;恐怖的;极讨厌的
参考例句:
  • I'm not going to the horrid dinner party.我不打算去参加这次讨厌的宴会。
  • The medicine is horrid and she couldn't get it down.这种药很难吃,她咽不下去。
43 specious qv3wk     
adj.似是而非的;adv.似是而非地
参考例句:
  • Such talk is actually specious and groundless.这些话实际上毫无根据,似是而非的。
  • It is unlikely that the Duke was convinced by such specious arguments.公爵不太可能相信这种似是而非的论点。
44 charlatans 40f5bd38794ed2a8d8a955d9fc64196f     
n.冒充内行者,骗子( charlatan的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • There are lots of phonies and charlatans in the financial newsletter business. 干金融通讯这一行的人中间不乏骗子和吹牛大王。 来自辞典例句
  • But wicked people and charlatans will go from bad to worse, deceivers and deceived. 但是恶人和行诈术的人却越来越坏,他们迷惑人,也必受人迷惑。 来自互联网
45 quacks fcca4a6d22cfeec960c2f34f653fe3d7     
abbr.quacksalvers 庸医,骗子(16世纪习惯用水银或汞治疗梅毒的人)n.江湖医生( quack的名词复数 );江湖郎中;(鸭子的)呱呱声v.(鸭子)发出嘎嘎声( quack的第三人称单数 )
参考例句:
  • I went everywhere for treatment, tried all sorts of quacks. 我四处求医,看过了各种各样的江湖郎中。 来自辞典例句
  • Hard-working medical men may come to be almost as mischievous as quacks. 辛勤工作的医生可能变成江湖郎中那样的骗子。 来自辞典例句
46 purveyor GiMyN     
n.承办商,伙食承办商
参考例句:
  • Silence, purveyor of gossip, do not spread that report. 快别那样说,新闻记者阁下,别散布那个消息。 来自互联网
  • Teaching purpose: To comprehensively understand the role function and consciousness composition of a news purveyor. 教学目的:全面深入的理解新闻传播者的角色功能和意识构成。 来自互联网


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