我被人从这个世界上驱赶出来，像枪膛里的子弹一样呼啸而出。浓雾业已散去，地球上布满了冰冻的油污。我可以感觉到这个城市在跳动，如同从一具还有热气的尸体上取下的心脏一样颤动。我住的旅馆的窗子在溃烂，散发出化学药品燃烧时的浓郁辛辣的臭气。瞧瞧塞纳河，我看到了河里的烂泥和颓败景象，街灯射出半死不活的亮光，男男女女差一点便窒息而死，河上的桥躲在房屋的阴影里—那都是爱情的屠宰常一个男人肚子上挂着一只手风琴靠墙站着，他的双手在手腕处被砍断了，然而手风琴像一袋子蛇似的在两截断肢间扭来扭去。宇宙已经缩小，它只有一个街区长，没有星星，没有树木，没有河流。生活在这儿的人全是死人，他们替别人造梦中坐的椅子。这条街的中心有一个轮子，轮子中央装着一部绞架，早已死去的入狂热地试图登上绞架，可是轮子在飞速旋转……
I have been ejected from the world like a cartridge1. A deep fog has settled down, the earth is smeared2 with frozen grease. I can feel the city palpitating, as if it were a heart just removed from a warm body. The windows of my hotel are festering and there is a thick, acrid3 stench as of chemicals burning. Looking into the Seine I see mud and desolation, street lamps drowning, men and women choking to death, the bridges covered with houses, slaughterhouses of love. A man is standing4 against a wall with an accordion5 strapped6 to his belly7; his hands are cut off at the wrists, but the accordion writhes8 between his stumps9 like a sack of snakes. The universe has dwindled10; it is only a block long and there are no stars, no trees, no rivers. The people who live here are dead; they make chairs which other people sit on in their dreams. In the middle of the street is a wheel and in the hub of the wheel a gallows11 is fixed12. People already dead are trying frantically13 to mount the gallows, but the wheel is turning too fast…
需要有某种东西帮助我恢复常态，昨天晚上我发现了它：帕皮尼。我不在乎他是沙文主义者，是小小的虔诚教徒，还是近视眼的书呆子。作为一个失败者他是绝妙的……
Something was needed to put me right with myself. Last night I discovered it: Papini. It doesn't matter to me whether he's a chauvinist14, a little Christer, or a nearsighted pedant15. As a failure he's marvelous…
听听他读过的书吧—只有十八岁！不仅读过荷马、但盯歌德、柏拉图、埃庇克泰德，不仅读过拉伯雷、塞万提斯、斯威夫特民不仅读过瓦尔特?惠特曼、埃德加?艾伦?坡、波德莱尔、维荣、卡尔杜齐、曼佐尼、洛卡?德?维加，也不仅读过尼采、叔本华、康德、黑格尔、达尔文、斯宾塞、赫胥黎—他不仅读过这些人的著述，还读过夹在这些大人物之间的所有小人物的作品。这是他在第十八页写到的。然而，到第二百三十二页他便松口了，吐露了真情。他承认，”我什么都不懂，只知道那些书名。我编过参考书目，我写过评论文章，我也曾低毁、中伤过……我可以演说五分钟或五天，然后我就无话可讲了，干瘪了。”
The books he read – at eighteen! Not only Homer, Dante, Goethe, not only Aristotle, Plato, Epictetus, not only Rabelais, Cervantes, Swift, not only Walt Whitman, Edgar Allan Poe, Baudelaire, Villon, Carducci, Manzoni, Lope de Vega, not only Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, Kant, Hegel, Darwin, Spencer, Huxley – not only these but all the small fry in between. This on page 18. Alors, on page 232 he breaks down and confesses. I know nothing, he admits. I know the titles, I have compiled bibliographies16, I have written critical essays, I have maligned17 and defamed… I can talk for five minutes or for five days, but then I give out, I am squeezed dry.
接着他又写道，“每个人都想看看我，每个人都想同我谈话。 人们不断打扰我，也互相打扰，打听我正在做什么。我怎么样？ 全好了吗？还在乡间散步吗？在工作？书写完了？不久就开始写另一本？ ”
Follows this: "Everybody wants to see me. Everybody insists on talking to me. People pester19 me and they pester others with inquiries20 about what I am doing. How am I? Am I quite well again? Do I still go for my walks in the country? Am I working? Have I finished my book? Will I begin another soon?
“一个瘦猴似的德国人想叫我翻译他的书，一个凶狠的俄国姑娘要我写一本自传，一位美国太太想知道有关我的最新情况，还有一位美国绅士要派他的马车来接我去吃饭，你知道，也就是无拘无束地谈谈心。又有一位我十年前的老同学、老室友要我把我写的都念给他听，写得有多快就念多快。有一位相识的画家朋友希望我摆好姿势让他画，按小时付钱。又有一位记者想要我现在的住址。又有一个相识，是一位神秘主义者，想了解我灵魂的状况。另一位更实际些，他想了解我的存款状况。我的俱乐部主席问我肯不肯为孩子们做一次讲演。一位笃信宗教的女士希望我一有空就到她家去喝茶，她想听听我对耶稣基督的看法，还有—我认为那种新式绘画法怎样？……”
"A skinny monkey of a German wants me to translate his works. A wild eyed Russian girl wants me to write an account of my life for her. An American lady wants the very latest news about me. An American gentleman will send his carriage to take me to dinner – just an intimate, confidential21 talk, you know. An old schoolmate and chum of mine, of ten years ago, wants me to read him all that I write as fast as I write it. A painter friend I know expects me to pose for him by the hour. A newspaperman wants my present address. An acquaintance, a mystic, inquires about the state of my soul; another, more practical, about the state of my pocketbook. The president of my club wonders if I will make a speech for the boys! A lady, spiritually inclined, hopes I will come to her house for tea as often as possible. She wants to have my opinion of Jesus Christ, and – what do I think of that new medium? …
“老天爷？我变成什么了？你们这些人有什么权利把我的生活搅得一团糟？偷走我的时间，窥探我的心灵，汲取我的思想，叫我给你们做伴、做知己、做问讯处？你们把我当成什么人了？难道我是一个靠逗人开心领取薪俸的人，每天晚上都得在你们的蠢鼻子底下演一出聪明机智的闹剧？难道我是你们花钱买来雇来的奴仆，要在你们这些无所事事的懒汉面前爬行，将我所做所知的一切献给你们？难道我是妓院里的婊子，一听到头一个来嫖妓的、穿着考究的男人来了便纷纷赶忙撩起裙子，脱下衬衣？
"Great God! what have I turned into? What right have you people to clutter22 up my life, steal my time, probe my soul, suckle my thoughts, have me for your companion, confidant, and information bureau? What do you take me for? Am I an entertainer on salary, required every morning to play an intellectual farce23 under your stupid noses? Am I a slave, bought and paid for, to crawl on my belly in front of you idlers and lay at your feet all that I do and all that I know? Am I a wench in a brothel who is called upon to lift her skirts or take off her chemise at the bidding of the first snan in a tailored suit who comes along?
“我是一个矢志要做一番英雄业绩、使这个世界在自己眼里变得更加易于接受的男子汉。假如在软弱的、松懈的、不得已的一刹那间我发脾气了---些在言语表达中冷却下来的狂怒情感---个捆在幻想之中、充满激情的梦—好吧，听不听得进去都由你们……只是别打扰我！
"I am a man who would live an heroic life and make the world more endurable in his own sight. If, in some moment of weakness, of relaxation24, of need, I blow off steam – a bit of red hot rage cooled off in words – a passionate25 dream, wrapped and tied in imagery – well, take it or leave it … but don't bother me!
“我是一个自由的人，我需要自由。我需要独自一个人呆着，我需要独自仔细想想我的耻辱、我的失意，我需要阳光和街上的铺路石—不过不要人陪伴，不要同人交谈，只是独自一人呆着，由自己心中的乐曲陪伴，你们要我的什么？每当我有话要说，我便把它印出来。每当我要给予什么，我便把它拿出来。
"I am a free man – and I need my freedom. I need to be alone. I need to ponder my shame and my despair in seclusion26; I need the sunshine and the paving stones of the streets without companions, without conversation, face to face with myself, with only the music of my heart for company. What do you want of me? When I have something to say, I put it in print. When I have something to give, I give it.
你们无休止的好奇心令我恶心！你们的奉承话使我感到耻辱！你们的茶快把我毒死了！我谁的也不欠，我只对上帝负责—只要他存在！”
Your prying27 curiosity turns my stomach! Your compliments humiliate28 me! Your tea poisons me! I owe nothing to any one. I would be responsible to God alone – if He existed!"
据我看帕皮尼谈到独处的需要时忽略了一个细微之处。假如你穷困潦倒，独自一个人呆着并非难事。对了，一位艺术家需要的正是孤独。
It seems to me that Papini misses something by a hair's breadth when he talks of the need to be alone. It is not difficult to be alone if you are poor and a failure. An artist is always alone – if he is an artist. No, what the artist needs is loneliness.
我称自己为艺术家，但愿自己是一位艺术家吧。这天下午美美地睡了一会儿，这一觉在我的脊椎之间垫进了天鹅绒，产生了足够我想三天的想法。我精力十分充沛，却无处可以消耗。我决定去散步，走到街上却又改变了主意，要去看电影。可是我看不成电影—还差几个苏。那么还是去散步，走到每一家影院前我都要停下看看海报，再看看价目表。进这些下流场所真是够便宜的，可我还差几个苏。若不是天色已晚，我倒可以回去卖掉一个空酒瓶。
The artist, I call myself. So be it. A beautiful nap this afternoon that put velvet29 between my vertebrae. Generated enough ideas to last me three days. Chock full of energy and nothing to do about it. Decide to go for a walk. In the street I change my mind. Decide to go to the movies. Can't go to the movies – short a few sous. A walk then. At every movie house I stop and look at the bill boards, then at the price list. Cheap enough, these opium30 joints31, but I'm short just a few sous. If it weren't so late I might go back and cash an empty bottle.
待来到阿梅利街，我早已忘掉了电影的事，这条街是我最喜欢的街道之一，也是市政当局有幸忘记铺垫的一条街。大块大块的鹅卵石从街道这一侧堆到另一侧，延伸了一个街区，呈细长的一条。标致旅馆就在这条街上，还有一座小教堂，活像是专为共和国总统和他一家人建造的。偶尔见到一座朴素的小教堂倒也不错，巴黎到处都是金碧辉煌的大教堂。
By the time I get to the Rue32 Amélie I've forgotten all about the movies. The Rue Amélie is one of my favorite streets. It is one of those streets which by good fortune the municipality has forgotten to pave. Huge cobblestones spreading convexly from one side of the street to the other. Only one block long and narrow. The H?tel Pretty is on this street. There is a little church, too, on the Rue Amélie. It looks as though it were made especially for the President of the Republic and his private family. It's good occasionally to see a modest little church. Paris is full of pompous33 cathedrals.
亚历山大三世大桥。大桥附近有一大块被风吹净的空地，干枯的树木机械地仁立在铁门内，残废军人院的阴暗气氛由屋里逸出，弥漫到广场四周黑暗的街道上。这是充满诗意的陈尸所，他们现在将这位伟大的武士、欧洲最后一位伟人送到想送的地方去了。他在花岗岩床上熟睡，不必再担心他在坟墓中翻身，门都已闩好，棺材盖已关严。睡吧，拿破仑！他们需要的并非你的思想，而只是你的尸体呀！
Pont Alexandre III. A great windswept space approaching the bridge. Gaunt, bare trees mathematically fixed in their iron grates; the gloom of the Invalides welling out of the dome34 and overflowing35 the dark streets adjacent to the Square. The morgue of poetry. They have him where they want him now, the great warrior36, the last big man of Europe. He sleeps soundly in his granite37 bed. No fear of him turning over in his grave. The doors are well bolted, the lid is on tight. Sleep, Napoleon! It was not your ideas they wanted, it was only your corpse38!
塞纳河仍在泛滥，浑浊的河面被灯光分割成一条条的。我不明白看到这条黑色的湍急水流时会激起何种情感，不过一种欣喜若狂的心情总是使我不能自持，坚定了我永远不离开这片土地的眷恋之情。我还记得那天早上经过这儿到美国捷运公司去的路上发生的事，那天我早就估计到不会有我的邮件，没有支票，也没有电报，什么都没有。一辆从拉斐特艺术馆来的马车辘辘驶过大桥，雨已停了，太阳透过肥皂沫般的云朵，在发出光泽的屋顶瓦片上投下一道寒冷的红光。我回忆起那个车夫如何探出身来眺望帕西路那边的河面。这是多么纯真、质朴、赞许的一瞥！他仿佛在对自己说，”啊，春天快来了！”谁都知道，每当春天来到巴黎，最卑微的活着的生灵也一定会觉得他正居住在天堂里。还不止这个—他是以一种亲切的目光细看这番景致的，这是他的巴黎。一个人不一定非得有钱，也不一定非得是一个市民，他同样会对巴黎产生这种感情。巴黎充斥着穷人— 照我看，他们尽是一伙有史以来最傲慢、最肮脏的乞丐，然而他们摆出一副悠然自得的架势，正是这种派头把巴黎人同其他所有大城市的市民区分开了。
The river is still swollen39, muddy, streaked40 with lights. I don't know what it is rushes up in me at the sight of this dark, swift moving current, but a great exultation41 lifts me up, affirms the deep wish that is in me never to leave this land. I remember passing this way the other morning on my way to the American Express, knowing in advance that there would be no mail for me, no check, no cable, nothing, nothing. A wagon42 from the Galeries Lafayette was rumbling43 over the bridge. The rain had stopped and the sun breaking through the soapy clouds touched the glistening44 rubble45 of roofs with a cold fire. I recall now how the driver leaned out and looked up the river toward Passy way. Such a healthy, simple, approving glance, as if he were saying to himself: "Ah, spring is coming!" And God knows, when spring comes to Paris the humblest mortal alive must feel that he dwells in paradise. But it was not only this – it was the intimacy46 with which his eye rested upon the scene. It was his Paris. A man does not need to be rich, nor even a citizen, to feel this way about Paris. Paris is filled with poor people – the proudest and filthiest47 lot of beggars that ever walked the earth, it seems to me. And yet they give the illusion of being at home. It is that which distinguishes the Parisian from all other metropolitan48 souls.
想到纽约，我的感情便全然不同了。在纽约即使一个有钱人也会觉得自己无足轻重，纽约是冷酷、灿烂、邪恶的。建筑物高耸入云，人们的活动都带一点狂乱的意味，动作的频率越快，精神也越颓丧。这是一场持续的骚动，不过它本来也可以在试管内酝酿成的。谁也不知道这究竟是怎么一回事，谁也无法引导人们发泄精力的方向。它壮观、怪诞，令人困惑不解，是一股巨大的反作用力，不过却是完全杂乱无章的。
When I think of New York I have a very different feeling. New York makes even a rich man feel his unimportance. New York is cold, glittering, malign18. The buildings dominate. There is a sort of atomic frenzy49 to the activity going on; the more furious the pace, the more diminished the spirit. A constant ferment50, but it might just as well be going on in a test tube. Nobody knows what it's all about. Nobody directs the energy. Stupendous. Bizarre. Baffling. A tremendous reactive urge, but absolutely uncoordinated.
一想到我生于斯长于斯的城市，一想到惠特曼歌颂过的曼哈顿，我心中便产生一种盲目的狂怒心情。纽约！那些白色的监狱、挤满蛆的人行道、排队等候发救济食品的人们、修筑得像宫殿一般的下流去处，那儿有的是犹太人、麻风病人、杀人犯，而最多的是游手好闲的人。到处是千篇一律的面孔、街道、大腿、房屋、摩天大楼、饮食、海报、工作、罪行、爱情……整个城市建筑在一个空空如也的坑上，没有意义，完全没有意义。还有第四十二大街，人们称它为世界之巅。那么世界之渊又在哪里？你可以伸出双手走路，抬头仰望这些美丽的白色监狱时都快要把脖子扭断了。他们像发了疯的鹅一样往前走，探照灯将星星点点的狂喜洒在他们空虚的脸上。
When I think of this city where I was born and raised, this Manhattan that Whitman sang of, a blind, white rage licks my guts51. New York! The white prisons, the sidewalks swarming52 with maggots, the breadlines, the opium joints that are built like palaces, the kikes that are there, the lepers, the thugs, and above all, the ennui53, the monotony of faces, streets, legs, houses, skyscrapers54, meals, posters, jobs, crimes, loves… A whole city erected55 over a hollow pit of nothingness. Meaningless. Absolutely meaningless. And Forty second Street! The top of the world, they call it. Where's the bottom then? You can walk along with your hands out and they'll put cinders56 in your cap. Rich or poor, they walk along with head thrown back and they almost break their necks looking up at their beautiful white prisons. They walk along like blind geese and the searchlights spray their empty faces with flecks57 of ecstasy58.
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cartridge
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| n.弹壳，弹药筒；(装磁带等的)盒子 | |
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smeared
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| 弄脏； 玷污； 涂抹； 擦上 | |
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acrid
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| adj.辛辣的，尖刻的，刻薄的 | |
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standing
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accordion
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strapped
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| adj.用皮带捆住的，用皮带装饰的；身无分文的；缺钱；手头紧v.用皮带捆扎(strap的过去式和过去分词)；用皮带抽打；包扎；给…打绷带 | |
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belly
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| n.肚子，腹部；(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分，膛 | |
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writhes
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| （因极度痛苦而）扭动或翻滚( writhe的第三人称单数 ) | |
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stumps
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| （被砍下的树的）树桩( stump的名词复数 )； 残肢； （板球三柱门的）柱； 残余部分 | |
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dwindled
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| v.逐渐变少或变小( dwindle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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gallows
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| n.绞刑架，绞台 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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frantically
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chauvinist
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| n.沙文主义者 | |
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pedant
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bibliographies
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| （有关某一专题或某一作者的著作的）书目( bibliography的名词复数 )； 书志学，文献学 | |
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maligned
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| vt.污蔑，诽谤（malign的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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malign
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pester
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inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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confidential
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clutter
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| n.零乱，杂乱；vt.弄乱，把…弄得杂乱 | |
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farce
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| n.闹剧，笑剧，滑稽戏；胡闹 | |
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relaxation
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| n.松弛，放松；休息；消遣；娱乐 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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seclusion
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| n.隐遁，隔离 | |
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prying
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| adj.爱打听的v.打听，刺探（他人的私事）( pry的现在分词 )；撬开 | |
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humiliate
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| v.使羞辱，使丢脸[同]disgrace | |
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velvet
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| n.丝绒，天鹅绒；adj.丝绒制的，柔软的 | |
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opium
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| n.鸦片；adj.鸦片的 | |
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joints
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| 接头( joint的名词复数 )； 关节； 公共场所（尤指价格低廉的饮食和娱乐场所） （非正式）； 一块烤肉 （英式英语） | |
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rue
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| n.懊悔，芸香，后悔；v.后悔，悲伤，懊悔 | |
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pompous
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| adj.傲慢的，自大的；夸大的；豪华的 | |
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dome
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| n.圆屋顶，拱顶 | |
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overflowing
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| n. 溢出物,溢流 adj. 充沛的，充满的 动词overflow的现在分词形式 | |
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warrior
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| n.勇士，武士，斗士 | |
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granite
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| adj.花岗岩，花岗石 | |
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corpse
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| n.尸体，死尸 | |
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swollen
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| adj.肿大的，水涨的；v.使变大，肿胀 | |
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streaked
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| adj.有条斑纹的，不安的v.快速移动( streak的过去式和过去分词 )；使布满条纹 | |
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exultation
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| n.狂喜，得意 | |
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wagon
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| n.四轮马车，手推车，面包车；无盖运货列车 | |
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rumbling
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| n. 隆隆声, 辘辘声 adj. 隆隆响的 动词rumble的现在分词 | |
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glistening
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| adj.闪耀的，反光的v.湿物闪耀，闪亮( glisten的现在分词 ) | |
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rubble
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| n.（一堆）碎石，瓦砾 | |
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intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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filthiest
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| filthy（肮脏的，污秽的）的最高级形式 | |
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metropolitan
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| adj.大城市的，大都会的 | |
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frenzy
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| n.疯狂，狂热，极度的激动 | |
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ferment
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| vt.使发酵；n./vt.（使）激动，（使）动乱 | |
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guts
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| v.狼吞虎咽，贪婪地吃，飞碟游戏（比赛双方每组5人，相距15码，互相掷接飞碟）；毁坏（建筑物等）的内部( gut的第三人称单数 )；取出…的内脏n.勇气( gut的名词复数 )；内脏；消化道的下段；肠 | |
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swarming
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| 密集( swarm的现在分词 )； 云集； 成群地移动； 蜜蜂或其他飞行昆虫成群地飞来飞去 | |
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ennui
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| n.怠倦，无聊 | |
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skyscrapers
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| n.摩天大楼 | |
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ERECTED
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| adj. 直立的，竖立的，笔直的 vt. 使 ... 直立，建立 | |
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cinders
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| n.煤渣( cinder的名词复数 )；炭渣；煤渣路；煤渣跑道 | |
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flecks
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| n.斑点，小点( fleck的名词复数 )；癍 | |
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ecstasy
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| n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷 | |
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