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Chapter 8
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The next morning, when I came down to tea, my mother scolded me — less severely1, however, than I had expected — and made me tell her how I had spent the previous evening. I answered her in few words, omitting many details, and trying to give the most innocent air to everything.

‘Anyway, they’re people who’re not comme il faut,’ my mother commented, ‘and you’ve no business to be hanging about there, instead of preparing yourself for the examination, and doing your work.’

As I was well aware that my mother’s anxiety about my studies was confined to these few words, I did not feel it necessary to make any rejoinder; but after morning tea was over, my father took me by the arm, and turning into the garden with me, forced me to tell him all I had seen at the Zasyekins’.

A curious influence my father had over me, and curious were the relations existing between us. He took hardly any interest in my education, but he never hurt my feelings; he respected my freedom, he treated me — if I may so express it — with courtesy, . . . only he never let me be really close to him. I loved him, I admired him, he was my ideal of a man — and Heavens! how passionately2 devoted3 I should have been to him, if I had not been continually conscious of his holding me off! But when he liked, he could almost instantaneously, by a single word, a single gesture, call forth4 an unbounded confidence in him. My soul expanded, I chattered5 away to him, as to a wise friend, a kindly6 teacher . . . then he as suddenly got rid of me, and again he was keeping me off, gently and affectionately, but still he kept me off.

Sometimes he was in high spirits, and then he was ready to romp7 and frolic with me, like a boy (he was fond of vigorous physical exercise of every sort); once — it never happened a second time!— he caressed8 me with such tenderness that I almost shed tears. . . . But high spirits and tenderness alike vanished completely, and what had passed between us, gave me nothing to build on for the future — it was as though I had dreamed it all. Sometimes I would scrutinise his clever handsome bright face . . . my heart would throb9, and my whole being yearn10 to him . . . he would seem to feel what was going on within me, would give me a passing pat on the cheek, and go away, or take up some work, or suddenly freeze all over as only he knew how to freeze, and I shrank into myself at once, and turned cold too. His rare fits of friendliness11 to me were never called forth by my silent, but intelligible12 entreaties13: they always occurred unexpectedly. Thinking over my father’s character later, I have come to the conclusion that he had no thoughts to spare for me and for family life; his heart was in other things, and found complete satisfaction elsewhere. ‘Take for yourself what you can, and don’t be ruled by others; to belong to oneself — the whole savour of life lies in that,’ he said to me one day. Another time, I, as a young democrat14, fell to airing my views on liberty (he was ‘kind,’ as I used to call it, that day; and at such times I could talk to him as I liked). ‘Liberty,’ he repeated; ‘and do you know what can give a man liberty?’

‘What?’

‘Will, his own will, and it gives power, which is better than liberty. Know how to will, and you will be free, and will lead.’

‘My father, before all, and above all, desired to live, and lived. . . . Perhaps he had a presentiment15 that he would not have long to enjoy the ‘savour’ of life: he died at forty-two.

I described my evening at the Zasyekins’ minutely to my father. Half attentively16, half carelessly, he listened to me, sitting on a garden seat, drawing in the sand with his cane17. Now and then he laughed, shot bright, droll18 glances at me, and spurred me on with short questions and assents19. At first I could not bring myself even to utter the name of Zina?da, but I could not restrain myself long, and began singing her praises. My father still laughed; then he grew thoughtful, stretched, and got up. I remembered that as he came out of the house he had ordered his horse to be saddled. He was a splendid horseman, and, long before Rarey, had the secret of breaking in the most vicious horses.

‘Shall I come with you, father?’ I asked.

‘No,’ he answered, and his face resumed its ordinary expression of friendly indifference20. ‘Go alone, if you like; and tell the coachman I’m not going.’

He turned his back on me and walked rapidly away. I looked after him; he disappeared through the gates. I saw his hat moving along beside the fence; he went into the Zasyekins’.

He stayed there not more than an hour, but then departed at once for the town, and did not return home till evening.

After dinner I went myself to the Zasyekins’. In the drawing-room I found only the old princess. On seeing me she scratched her head under her cap with a knitting-needle, and suddenly asked me, could I copy a petition for her.

‘With pleasure,’ I replied, sitting down on the edge of a chair.

‘Only mind and make the letters bigger,’ observed the princess, handing me a dirty sheet of paper; ‘and couldn’t you do it today, my good sir?’

‘Certainly, I will copy it today.’

The door of the next room was just opened, and in the crack I saw the face of Zina?da, pale and pensive21, her hair flung carelessly back; she stared at me with big chilly22 eyes, and softly closed the door.

‘Zina, Zina!’ called the old lady. Zina?da made no response. I took home the old lady’s petition and spent the whole evening over it.


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 severely SiCzmk     
adv.严格地;严厉地;非常恶劣地
参考例句:
  • He was severely criticized and removed from his post.他受到了严厉的批评并且被撤了职。
  • He is severely put down for his careless work.他因工作上的粗心大意而受到了严厉的批评。
2 passionately YmDzQ4     
ad.热烈地,激烈地
参考例句:
  • She could hate as passionately as she could love. 她能恨得咬牙切齿,也能爱得一往情深。
  • He was passionately addicted to pop music. 他酷爱流行音乐。
3 devoted xu9zka     
adj.忠诚的,忠实的,热心的,献身于...的
参考例句:
  • He devoted his life to the educational cause of the motherland.他为祖国的教育事业贡献了一生。
  • We devoted a lengthy and full discussion to this topic.我们对这个题目进行了长时间的充分讨论。
4 forth Hzdz2     
adv.向前;向外,往外
参考例句:
  • The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
  • He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。
5 chattered 0230d885b9f6d176177681b6eaf4b86f     
(人)喋喋不休( chatter的过去式 ); 唠叨; (牙齿)打战; (机器)震颤
参考例句:
  • They chattered away happily for a while. 他们高兴地闲扯了一会儿。
  • We chattered like two teenagers. 我们聊着天,像两个十多岁的孩子。
6 kindly tpUzhQ     
adj.和蔼的,温和的,爽快的;adv.温和地,亲切地
参考例句:
  • Her neighbours spoke of her as kindly and hospitable.她的邻居都说她和蔼可亲、热情好客。
  • A shadow passed over the kindly face of the old woman.一道阴影掠过老太太慈祥的面孔。
7 romp ZCPzo     
n.欢闹;v.嬉闹玩笑
参考例句:
  • The child went for a romp in the forest.那个孩子去森林快活一把。
  • Dogs and little children romped happily in the garden.狗和小孩子们在花园里嬉戏。
8 caressed de08c4fb4b79b775b2f897e6e8db9aad     
爱抚或抚摸…( caress的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • His fingers caressed the back of her neck. 他的手指抚摩着她的后颈。
  • He caressed his wife lovingly. 他怜爱万分地抚摸着妻子。
9 throb aIrzV     
v.震颤,颤动;(急速强烈地)跳动,搏动
参考例句:
  • She felt her heart give a great throb.她感到自己的心怦地跳了一下。
  • The drums seemed to throb in his ears.阵阵鼓声彷佛在他耳边震响。
10 yearn nMjzN     
v.想念;怀念;渴望
参考例句:
  • We yearn to surrender our entire being.我们渴望着放纵我们整个的生命。
  • Many people living in big cities yearn for an idyllic country life.现在的很多都市人向往那种田园化的生活。
11 friendliness nsHz8c     
n.友谊,亲切,亲密
参考例句:
  • Behind the mask of friendliness,I know he really dislikes me.在友善的面具后面,我知道他其实并不喜欢我。
  • His manner was a blend of friendliness and respect.他的态度友善且毕恭毕敬。
12 intelligible rbBzT     
adj.可理解的,明白易懂的,清楚的
参考例句:
  • This report would be intelligible only to an expert in computing.只有计算机运算专家才能看懂这份报告。
  • His argument was barely intelligible.他的论点不易理解。
13 entreaties d56c170cf2a22c1ecef1ae585b702562     
n.恳求,乞求( entreaty的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • He began with entreaties and ended with a threat. 他先是恳求,最后是威胁。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The tyrant was deaf to the entreaties of the slaves. 暴君听不到奴隶们的哀鸣。 来自《简明英汉词典》
14 democrat Xmkzf     
n.民主主义者,民主人士;民主党党员
参考例句:
  • The Democrat and the Public criticized each other.民主党人和共和党人互相攻击。
  • About two years later,he was defeated by Democrat Jimmy Carter.大约两年后,他被民主党人杰米卡特击败。
15 presentiment Z18zB     
n.预感,预觉
参考例句:
  • He had a presentiment of disaster.他预感会有灾难降临。
  • I have a presentiment that something bad will happen.我有某种不祥事要发生的预感。
16 attentively AyQzjz     
adv.聚精会神地;周到地;谛;凝神
参考例句:
  • She listened attentively while I poured out my problems. 我倾吐心中的烦恼时,她一直在注意听。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • She listened attentively and set down every word he said. 她专心听着,把他说的话一字不漏地记下来。 来自《简明英汉词典》
17 cane RsNzT     
n.手杖,细长的茎,藤条;v.以杖击,以藤编制的
参考例句:
  • This sugar cane is quite a sweet and juicy.这甘蔗既甜又多汁。
  • English schoolmasters used to cane the boys as a punishment.英国小学老师过去常用教鞭打男学生作为惩罚。
18 droll J8Tye     
adj.古怪的,好笑的
参考例句:
  • The band have a droll sense of humour.这个乐队有一种滑稽古怪的幽默感。
  • He looked at her with a droll sort of awakening.他用一种古怪的如梦方醒的神情看着她.
19 assents d2f110bcca8a2208270b792e0d1567c1     
同意,赞同( assent的名词复数 )
参考例句:
20 indifference k8DxO     
n.不感兴趣,不关心,冷淡,不在乎
参考例句:
  • I was disappointed by his indifference more than somewhat.他的漠不关心使我很失望。
  • He feigned indifference to criticism of his work.他假装毫不在意别人批评他的作品。
21 pensive 2uTys     
a.沉思的,哀思的,忧沉的
参考例句:
  • He looked suddenly sombre,pensive.他突然看起来很阴郁,一副忧虑的样子。
  • He became so pensive that she didn't like to break into his thought.他陷入沉思之中,她不想打断他的思路。
22 chilly pOfzl     
adj.凉快的,寒冷的
参考例句:
  • I feel chilly without a coat.我由于没有穿大衣而感到凉飕飕的。
  • I grew chilly when the fire went out.炉火熄灭后,寒气逼人。


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