I got up in the morning with a headache. My emotion of the previous day had vanished. It was replaced by a dreary1 sense of blankness and a sort of sadness I had not known till then, as though something had died in me.
‘Why is it you’re looking like a rabbit with half its brain removed?’ said Lushin on meeting me. At lunch I stole a look first at my father, then at my mother: he was composed, as usual; she was, as usual, secretly irritated. I waited to see whether my father would make some friendly remarks to me, as he sometimes did. . . . But he did not even bestow2 his everyday cold greeting upon me. ‘Shall I tell Zina?da all?’ I wondered. . . . ‘It’s all the same, anyway; all is at an end between us.’ I went to see her, but told her nothing, and, indeed, I could not even have managed to get a talk with her if I had wanted to. The old princess’s son, a cadet of twelve years old, had come from Petersburg for his holidays; Zina?da at once handed her brother over to me. ‘Here,’ she said,’ my dear Volodya,’— it was the first time she had used this pet-name to me —‘is a companion for you. His name is Volodya, too. Please, like him; he is still shy, but he has a good heart. Show him Neskutchny gardens, go walks with him, take him under your protection. You’ll do that, won’t you? you’re so good, too!’ She laid both her hands affectionately on my shoulders, and I was utterly3 bewildered. The presence of this boy transformed me, too, into a boy. I looked in silence at the cadet, who stared as silently at me. Zina?da laughed, and pushed us towards each other. ‘Embrace each other, children!’ We embraced each other. ‘Would you like me to show you the garden?’ I inquired of the cadet. ‘If you please,’ he replied, in the regular cadet’s hoarse4 voice. Zina?da laughed again. . . . I had time to notice that she had never had such an exquisite5 colour in her face before. I set off with the cadet. There was an old-fashioned swing in our garden. I sat him down on the narrow plank6 seat, and began swinging him. He sat rigid7 in his new little uniform of stout8 cloth, with its broad gold braiding, and kept tight hold of the cords. ‘You’d better unbutton your collar,’ I said to him. ‘It’s all right; we’re used to it,’ he said, and cleared his throat. He was like his sister. The eyes especially recalled her, I liked being nice to him; and at the same time an aching sadness was gnawing9 at my heart. ‘Now I certainly am a child,’ I thought; ‘but yesterday. . . . ’ I remembered where I had dropped my knife the night before, and looked for it. The cadet asked me for it, picked a thick stalk of wild parsley, cut a pipe out of it, and began whistling. Othello whistled too.
But in the evening how he wept, this Othello, in Zina?da’s arms, when, seeking him out in a corner of the garden, she asked him why he was so depressed10. My tears flowed with such violence that she was frightened. ‘What is wrong with you? What is it, Volodya?’ she repeated; and seeing I made no answer, and did not cease weeping, she was about to kiss my wet cheek. But I turned away from her, and whispered through my sobs11, ‘I know all. Why did you play with me? . . . What need had you of my love?’
‘I am to blame, Volodya . . . ’ said Zina?da. ‘I am very much to blame . . . ’ she added, wringing12 her hands. ‘How much there is bad and black and sinful in me! . . . But I am not playing with you now. I love you; you don’t even suspect why and how. . . . But what is it you know?’
What could I say to her? She stood facing me, and looked at me; and I belonged to her altogether from head to foot directly she looked at me. . . . A quarter of an hour later I was running races with the cadet and Zina?da. I was not crying, I was laughing, though my swollen13 eyelids14 dropped a tear or two as I laughed. I had Zina?da’s ribbon round my neck for a cravat15, and I shouted with delight whenever I succeeded in catching16 her round the waist. She did just as she liked with me.
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1
dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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bestow
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| v.把…赠与，把…授予；花费 | |
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3
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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4
hoarse
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| adj.嘶哑的，沙哑的 | |
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5
exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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plank
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| n.板条，木板，政策要点，政纲条目 | |
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rigid
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| adj.严格的，死板的；刚硬的，僵硬的 | |
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gnawing
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| a.痛苦的，折磨人的 | |
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depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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11
sobs
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| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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wringing
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| 淋湿的，湿透的 | |
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swollen
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| adj.肿大的，水涨的；v.使变大，肿胀 | |
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eyelids
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| n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 )；眼睛也不眨一下；不露声色；面不改色 | |
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cravat
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| n.领巾，领结；v.使穿有领结的服装，使结领结 | |
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16
catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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