It was now close on twelve o'clock.
The prince knew that if he called at the Epanchins' now he would only find the general, and that the latter might probably carry him straight off to Pavlofsk with him; whereas there was one visit he was most anxious to make without delay.
So at the risk of missing General Epanchin altogether, and thus postponing1 his visit to Pavlofsk for a day, at least, the prince decided2 to go and look for the house he desired to find.
The visit he was about to pay was, in some respects, a risky3 one. He was in two minds about it, but knowing that the house was in the Gorohovaya, not far from the Sadovaya, he determined4 to go in that direction, and to try to make up his mind on the way.
Arrived at the point where the Gorohovaya crosses the Sadovaya, he was surprised to find how excessively agitated5 he was. He had no idea that his heart could beat so painfully.
One house in the Gorohovaya began to attract his attention long before he reached it, and the prince remembered afterwards that he had said to himself: "That is the house, I'm sure of it." He came up to it quite curious to discover whether he had guessed right, and felt that he would be disagreeably impressed to find that he had actually done so. The house was a large gloomy- looking structure, without the slightest claim to architectural beauty, in colour a dirty green. There are a few of these old houses, built towards the end of the last century, still standing6 in that part of St. Petersburg, and showing little change from their original form and colour. They are solidly built, and are remarkable7 for the thickness of their walls, and for the fewness of their windows, many of which are covered by gratings. On the ground-floor there is usually a money-changer's shop, and the owner lives over it. Without as well as within, the houses seem inhospitable and mysterious--an impression which is difficult to explain, unless it has something to do with the actual architectural style. These houses are almost exclusively inhabited by the merchant class.
Arrived at the gate, the prince looked up at the legend over it, which ran:
"House of Rogojin, hereditary8 and honourable9 citizen."
He hesitated no longer; but opened the glazed10 door at the bottom of the outer stairs and made his way up to the second storey. The place was dark and gloomy-looking; the walls of the stone staircase were painted a dull red. Rogojin and his mother and brother occupied the whole of the second floor. The servant who opened the door to Muishkin led him, without taking his name, through several rooms and up and down many steps until they arrived at a door, where he knocked.
Parfen Rogojin opened the door himself.
On seeing the prince he became deadly white, and apparently11 fixed12 to the ground, so that he was more like a marble statue than a human being. The prince had expected some surprise, but Rogojin evidently considered his visit an impossible and miraculous13 event. He stared with an expression almost of terror, and his lips twisted into a bewildered smile.
"Parfen! perhaps my visit is ill-timed. I-I can go away again if you like," said Muishkin at last, rather embarrassed.
"No, no; it's all right, come in," said Parfen, recollecting15 himself.
They were evidently on quite familiar terms. In Moscow they had had many occasions of meeting; indeed, some few of those meetings were but too vividly16 impressed upon their memories. They had not met now, however, for three months.
The deathlike pallor, and a sort of slight convulsion about the lips, had not left Rogojin's face. Though he welcomed his guest, he was still obviously much disturbed. As he invited the prince to sit down near the table, the latter happened to turn towards him, and was startled by the strange expression on his face. A painful recollection flashed into his mind. He stood for a time, looking straight at Rogojin, whose eyes seemed to blaze like fire. At last Rogojin smiled, though he still looked agitated and shaken.
"What are you staring at me like that for?" he muttered. "Sit down."
The prince took a chair.
"Parfen," he said, "tell me honestly, did you know that I was coming to Petersburg or no?"
"Oh, I supposed you were coming," the other replied, smiling sarcastically17, and I was right in my supposition, you see; but how was I to know that you would come TODAY?"
A certain strangeness and impatience18 in his manner impressed the prince very forcibly.
"And if you had known that I was coming today, why be so irritated about it?" he asked, in quiet surprise.
"Why did you ask me?"
"Because when I jumped out of the train this morning, two eyes glared at me just as yours did a moment since."
"Ha! and whose eyes may they have been?" said Rogojin, suspiciously. It seemed to the prince that he was trembling.
"I don't know; I thought it was a hallucination. I often have hallucinations nowadays. I feel just as I did five years ago when my fits were about to come on."
"Well, perhaps it was a hallucination, I don't know," said Parfen.
He tried to give the prince an affectionate smile, and it seemed to the latter as though in this smile of his something had broken, and that he could not mend it, try as he would.
"Shall you go abroad again then?" he asked, and suddenly added, "Do you remember how we came up in the train from Pskoff together? You and your cloak and leggings, eh?"
And Rogojin burst out laughing, this time with unconcealed malice20, as though he were glad that he had been able to find an opportunity for giving vent14 to it.
"Have you quite taken up your quarters here?" asked the prince
"Yes, I'm at home. Where else should I go to?"
"We haven't met for some time. Meanwhile I have heard things about you which I should not have believed to be possible."
"What of that? People will say anything," said Rogojin drily.
"At all events, you've disbanded your troop--and you are living in your own house instead of being fast and loose about the place; that's all very good. Is this house all yours, or joint21 property?"
"It is my mother's. You get to her apartments by that passage."
"Where's your brother?"
"In the other wing."
"Is he married?"
"Widower22. Why do you want to know all this?"
The prince looked at him, but said nothing. He had suddenly relapsed into musing23, and had probably not heard the question at all. Rogojin did not insist upon an answer, and there was silence for a few moments.
"I guessed which was your house from a hundred yards off," said the prince at last.
"Why so?"
"I don't quite know. Your house has the aspect of yourself and all your family; it bears the stamp of the Rogojin life; but ask me why I think so, and I can tell you nothing. It is nonsense, of course. I am nervous about this kind of thing troubling me so much. I had never before imagined what sort of a house you would live in, and yet no sooner did I set eyes on this one than I said to myself that it must be yours."
"Really!" said Rogojin vaguely24, not taking in what the prince meant by his rather obscure remarks.
The room they were now sitting in was a large one, lofty but dark, well furnished, principally with writing-tables and desks covered with papers and books. A wide sofa covered with red morocco evidently served Rogojin for a bed. On the table beside which the prince had been invited to seat himself lay some books; one containing a marker where the reader had left off, was a volume of Solovieff's History. Some oil-paintings in worn gilded25 frames hung on the walls, but it was impossible to make out what subjects they represented, so blackened were they by smoke and age. One, a life-sized portrait, attracted the prince's attention. It showed a man of about fifty, wearing a long riding- coat of German cut. He had two medals on his breast; his beard was white, short and thin; his face yellow and wrinkled, with a sly, suspicious expression in the eyes.
"That is your father, is it not?" asked the prince.
"Yes, it is," replied Rogojin with an unpleasant smile, as if he had expected his guest to ask the question, and then to make some disagreeable remark.
"Was he one of the Old Believers?"
"No, he went to church, but to tell the truth he really preferred the old religion. This was his study and is now mine. Why did you ask if he were an Old Believer?"
"Are you going to be married here?"
"Ye-yes!" replied Rogojin, starting at the unexpected question.
"Soon?"
"You know yourself it does not depend on me."
"Parfen, I am not your enemy, and I do not intend to oppose your intentions in any way. I repeat this to you now just as I said it to you once before on a very similar occasion. When you were arranging for your projected marriage in Moscow, I did not interfere26 with you--you know I did not. That first time she fled to me from you, from the very altar almost, and begged me to 'save her from you.' Afterwards she ran away from me again, and you found her and arranged your marriage with her once more; and now, I hear, she has run away from you and come to Petersburg. Is it true? Lebedeff wrote me to this effect, and that's why I came here. That you had once more arranged matters with Nastasia Philipovna I only learned last night in the train from a friend of yours, Zaleshoff--if you wish to know.
"I confess I came here with an object. I wished to persuade Nastasia to go abroad for her health; she requires it. Both mind and body need a change badly. I did not intend to take her abroad myself. I was going to arrange for her to go without me. Now I tell you honestly, Parfen, if it is true that all is made up between you, I will not so much as set eyes upon her, and I will never even come to see you again.
"You know quite well that I am telling the truth, because I have always been frank with you. I have never concealed19 my own opinion from you. I have always told you that I consider a marriage between you and her would be ruin to her. You would also be ruined, and perhaps even more hopelessly. If this marriage were to be broken off again, I admit I should be greatly pleased; but at the same time I have not the slightest intention of trying to part you. You may be quite easy in your mind, and you need not suspect me. You know yourself whether I was ever really your rival or not, even when she ran away and came to me.
"There, you are laughing at me--I know why you laugh. It is perfectly27 true that we lived apart from one another all the time, in different towns. I told you before that I did not love her with love, but with pity! You said then that you understood me; did you really understand me or not? What hatred28 there is in your eyes at this moment! I came to relieve your mind, because you are dear to me also. I love you very much, Parfen; and now I shall go away and never come back again. Goodbye."
The prince rose.
"Stay a little," said Parfen, not leaving his chair and resting his head on his right hand. "I haven't seen you for a long time."
The prince sat down again. Both were silent for a few moments.
"When you are not with me I hate you, Lef Nicolaievitch. I have loathed29 you every day of these three months since I last saw you. By heaven I have!" said Rogojin." I could have poisoned you at any minute. Now, you have been with me but a quarter of an hour, and all my malice seems to have melted away, and you are as dear to me as ever. Stay here a little longer."
"When I am with you you trust me; but as soon as my back is turned you suspect me," said the prince, smiling, and trying to hide his emotion.
"I trust your voice, when I hear you speak. I quite understand that you and I cannot be put on a level, of course."
"Why did you add that?--There! Now you are cross again," said the prince, wondering.
"We were not asked, you see. We were made different, with different tastes and feelings, without being consulted. You say you love her with pity. I have no pity for her. She hates me-- that's the plain truth of the matter. I dream of her every night, and always that she is laughing at me with another man. And so she does laugh at me. She thinks no more of marrying me than if she were changing her shoe. Would you believe it, I haven't seen her for five days, and I daren't go near her. She asks me what I come for, as if she were not content with having disgraced me--"
"Disgraced you! How?"
"Just as though you didn't know! Why, she ran away from me, and went to you. You admitted it yourself, just now."
"But surely you do not believe that she..."
"That she did not disgrace me at Moscow with that officer. Zemtuznikoff? I know for certain she did, after having fixed our marriage-day herself!"
"Impossible!" cried the prince.
"I know it for a fact," replied Rogojin, with conviction.
"It is not like her, you say? My friend, that's absurd. Perhaps such an act would horrify30 her, if she were with you, but it is quite different where I am concerned. She looks on me as vermin. Her affair with Keller was simply to make a laughing-stock of me. You don't know what a fool she made of me in Moscow; and the money I spent over her! The money! the money!"
"And you can marry her now, Parfen! What will come of it all?" said the prince, with dread31 in his voice.
Rogojin gazed back gloomily, and with a terrible expression in his eyes, but said nothing.
"I haven't been to see her for five days," he repeated, after a slight pause. "I'm afraid of being turned out. She says she's still her own mistress, and may turn me off altogether, and go abroad. She told me this herself," he said, with a peculiar32 glance at Muishkin. "I think she often does it merely to frighten me. She is always laughing at me, for some reason or other; but at other times she's angry, and won't say a word, and that's what I'm afraid of. I took her a shawl one day, the like of which she might never have seen, although she did live in luxury and she gave it away to her maid, Katia. Sometimes when I can keep away no longer, I steal past the house on the sly, and once I watched at the gate till dawn--I thought something was going on--and she saw me from the window. She asked me what I should do if I found she had deceived me. I said, 'You know well enough.'"
"What did she know?" cried the prince.
"How was I to tell?" replied Rogojin, with an angry laugh. "I did my best to catch her tripping in Moscow, but did not succeed. However, I caught hold of her one day, and said: 'You are engaged to be married into a respectable family, and do you know what sort of a woman you are? THAT'S the sort of woman you are,' I said."
"You told her that?"
"Yes."
"Well, go on."
"She said, 'I wouldn't even have you for a footman now, much less for a husband.' 'I shan't leave the house,' I said, 'so it doesn't matter.' 'Then I shall call somebody and have you kicked out,' she cried. So then I rushed at her, and beat her till she was bruised34 all over."
"Impossible!" cried the prince, aghast.
"I tell you it's true," said Rogojin quietly, but with eyes ablaze35 with passion.
"Then for a day and a half I neither slept, nor ate, nor drank, and would not leave her. I knelt at her feet: 'I shall die here,' I said, 'if you don't forgive me; and if you have me turned out, I shall drown myself; because, what should I be without you now?' She was like a madwoman all that day; now she would cry; now she would threaten me with a knife; now she would abuse me. She called in Zaleshoff and Keller, and showed me to them, shamed me in their presence. 'Let's all go to the theatre,' she says, 'and leave him here if he won't go--it's not my business. They'll give you some tea, Parfen Semeonovitch, while I am away, for you must be hungry.' She came back from the theatre alone. 'Those cowards wouldn't come,' she said. 'They are afraid of you, and tried to frighten me, too. "He won't go away as he came," they said, "he'll cut your throat--see if he doesn't." Now, I shall go to my bedroom, and I shall not even lock my door, just to show you how much I am afraid of you. You must be shown that once for all. Did you have tea?' 'No,' I said, 'and I don't intend to.' 'Ha, ha! you are playing off your pride against your stomach! That sort of heroism36 doesn't sit well on you,' she said.
"With that she did as she had said she would; she went to bed, and did not lock her door. In the morning she came out. 'Are you quite mad?' she said, sharply. 'Why, you'll die of hunger like this.' 'Forgive me,' I said. 'No, I won't, and I won't marry you. I've said it. Surely you haven't sat in this chair all night without sleeping?' 'I didn't sleep,' I said. 'H'm! how sensible of you. And are you going to have no breakfast or dinner today?' 'I told you I wouldn't. Forgive me!' 'You've no idea how unbecoming this sort of thing is to you,' she said, 'it's like putting a saddle on a cow's back. Do you think you are frightening me? My word, what a dreadful thing that you should sit here and eat no food! How terribly frightened I am!' She wasn't angry long, and didn't seem to remember my offence at all. I was surprised, for she is a vindictive37, resentful woman--but then I thought that perhaps she despised me too much to feel any resentment38 against me. And that's the truth.
"She came up to me and said, 'Do you know who the Pope of Rome is?' 'I've heard of him,' I said. 'I suppose you've read the Universal History, Parfen Semeonovitch, haven't you?' she asked. 'I've learned nothing at all,' I said. 'Then I'll lend it to you to read. You must know there was a Roman Pope once, and he was very angry with a certain Emperor; so the Emperor came and neither ate nor drank, but knelt before the Pope's palace till he should be forgiven. And what sort of vows39 do you think that Emperor was making during all those days on his knees? Stop, I'll read it to you!' Then she read me a lot of verses, where it said that the Emperor spent all the time vowing40 vengeance41 against the Pope. 'You don't mean to say you don't approve of the poem, Parfen Semeonovitch,' she says. 'All you have read out is perfectly true,' say I. 'Aha!' says she, 'you admit it's true, do you? And you are making vows to yourself that if I marry you, you will remind me of all this, and take it out of me.' 'I don't know,' I say, 'perhaps I was thinking like that, and perhaps I was not. I'm not thinking of anything just now.' 'What are your thoughts, then?' 'I'm thinking that when you rise from your chair and go past me, I watch you, and follow you with my eyes; if your dress does but rustle42, my heart sinks; if you leave the room, I remember every little word and action, and what your voice sounded like, and what you said. I thought of nothing all last night, but sat here listening to your sleeping breath, and heard you move a little, twice.' 'And as for your attack upon me,' she says, 'I suppose you never once thought of THAT?' 'Perhaps I did think of it, and perhaps not,' I say. And what if I don't either forgive you or marry, you' 'I tell you I shall go and drown myself.' 'H'm!' she said, and then relapsed into silence. Then she got angry, and went out. 'I suppose you'd murder me before you drowned yourself, though!' she cried as she left the room.
"An hour later, she came to me again, looking melancholy43. 'I will marry you, Parfen Semeonovitch,' she says, not because I'm frightened of you, but because it's all the same to me how I ruin myself. And how can I do it better? Sit down; they'll bring you some dinner directly. And if I do marry you, I'll be a faithful wife to you--you need not doubt that.' Then she thought a bit, and said, 'At all events, you are not a flunkey; at first, I thought you were no better than a flunkey.' And she arranged the wedding and fixed the day straight away on the spot.
"Then, in another week, she had run away again, and came here to Lebedeff's; and when I found her here, she said to me, 'I'm not going to renounce44 you altogether, but I wish to put off the wedding a bit longer yet--just as long as I like--for I am still my own mistress; so you may wait, if you like.' That's how the matter stands between us now. What do you think of all this, Lef Nicolaievitch?"
"'What do you think of it yourself?" replied the prince, looking sadly at Rogojin.
"As if I can think anything about it! I--" He was about to say more, but stopped in despair.
The prince rose again, as if he would leave.
"At all events, I shall not interfere with you!" he murmured, as though making answer to some secret thought of his own.
"I'll tell you what!" cried Rogojin, and his eyes flashed fire. "I can't understand your yielding her to me like this; I don't understand it. Have you given up loving her altogether? At first you suffered badly--I know it--I saw it. Besides, why did you come post-haste after us? Out of pity, eh? He, he, he!" His mouth curved in a mocking smile.
"Do you think I am deceiving you?" asked the prince.
"No! I trust you--but I can't understand. It seems to me that your pity is greater than my love." A hungry longing45 to speak his mind out seemed to flash in the man's eyes, combined with an intense anger.
"Your love is mingled46 with hatred, and therefore, when your love passes, there will be the greater misery," said the prince. "I tell you this, Parfen--"
"What! that I'll cut her throat, you mean?"
"You'll hate her afterwards for all your present love, and for all the torment48 you are suffering on her account now. What seems to me the most extraordinary thing is, that she can again consent to marry you, after all that has passed between you. When I heard the news yesterday, I could hardly bring myself to believe it. Why, she has run twice from you, from the very altar rails, as it were. She must have some presentiment49 of evil. What can she want with you now? Your money? Nonsense! Besides, I should think you must have made a fairly large hole in your fortune already. Surely it is not because she is so very anxious to find a husband? She could find many a one besides yourself. Anyone would be better than you, because you will murder her, and I feel sure she must know that but too well by now. Is it because you love her so passionately50? Indeed, that may be it. I have heard that there are women who want just that kind of love ... but still ..." The prince paused, reflectively.
"What are you grinning at my father's portrait again for?" asked Rogojin, suddenly. He was carefully observing every change in the expression of the prince's face.
"I smiled because the idea came into my head that if it were not for this unhappy passion of yours you might have, and would have, become just such a man as your father, and that very quickly, too. You'd have settled down in this house of yours with some silent and obedient wife. You would have spoken rarely, trusted no one, heeded51 no one, and thought of nothing but making money."
"Laugh away! She said exactly the same, almost word for word, when she saw my father's portrait. It's remarkable how entirely52 you and she are at one now-a-days."
"What, has she been here?" asked the prince with curiosity.
"Yes! She looked long at the portrait and asked all about my father. 'You'd be just such another,' she said at last, and laughed. 'You have such strong passions, Parfen,' she said, 'that they'd have taken you to Siberia in no time if you had not, luckily, intelligence as well. For you have a good deal of intelligence.' (She said this--believe it or not. The first time I ever heard anything of that sort from her.) 'You'd soon have thrown up all this rowdyism that you indulge in now, and you'd have settled down to quiet, steady money-making, because you have little education; and here you'd have stayed just like your father before you. And you'd have loved your money so that you'd amass53 not two million, like him, but ten million; and you'd have died of hunger on your money bags to finish up with, for you carry everything to extremes.' There, that's exactly word for word as she said it to me. She never talked to me like that before. She always talks nonsense and laughs when she's with me. We went all over this old house together. 'I shall change all this,' I said, 'or else I'll buy a new house for the wedding.' 'No, no!' she said, 'don't touch anything; leave it all as it is; I shall live with your mother when I marry you.'
"I took her to see my mother, and she was as respectful and kind as though she were her own daughter. Mother has been almost demented ever since father died--she's an old woman. She sits and bows from her chair to everyone she sees. If you left her alone and didn't feed her for three days, I don't believe she would notice it. Well, I took her hand, and I said, 'Give your blessing54 to this lady, mother, she's going to be my wife.' So Nastasia kissed mother's hand with great feeling. 'She must have suffered terribly, hasn't she?' she said. She saw this book here lying before me. 'What! have you begun to read Russian history?' she asked. She told me once in Moscow, you know, that I had better get Solovieff's Russian History and read it, because I knew nothing. 'That's good,' she said, 'you go on like that, reading books. I'll make you a list myself of the books you ought to read first--shall I?' She had never once spoken to me like this before; it was the first time I felt I could breathe before her like a living creature."
"I'm very, very glad to hear of this, Parfen," said the prince, with real feeling. "Who knows? Maybe God will yet bring you near to one another."
"Never, never!" cried Rogojin, excitedly.
"Look here, Parfen; if you love her so much, surely you must be anxious to earn her respect? And if you do so wish, surely you may hope to? I said just now that I considered it extraordinary that she could still be ready to marry you. Well, though I cannot yet understand it, I feel sure she must have some good reason, or she wouldn't do it. She is sure of your love; but besides that, she must attribute SOMETHING else to you--some good qualities, otherwise the thing would not be. What you have just said confirms my words. You say yourself that she found it possible to speak to you quite differently from her usual manner. You are suspicious, you know, and jealous, therefore when anything annoying happens to you, you exaggerate its significance. Of course, of course, she does not think so ill of you as you say. Why, if she did, she would simply be walking to death by drowning or by the knife, with her eyes wide open, when she married you. It is impossible! As if anybody would go to their death deliberately55!"
Rogojin listened to the prince's excited words with a bitter smile. His conviction was, apparently, unalterable.
"How dreadfully you look at me, Parfen!" said the prince, with a feeling of dread.
"Water or the knife?" said the latter, at last. "Ha, ha--that's exactly why she is going to marry me, because she knows for certain that the knife awaits her. Prince, can it be that you don't even yet see what's at the root of it all?"
"I don't understand you."
"Perhaps he really doesn't understand me! They do say that you are a--you know what! She loves another--there, you can understand that much! Just as I love her, exactly so she loves another man. And that other man is--do you know who? It's you. There--you didn't know that, eh?"
"I?"
"You, you! She has loved you ever since that day, her birthday! Only she thinks she cannot marry you, because it would be the ruin of you. 'Everybody knows what sort of a woman I am,' she says. She told me all this herself, to my very face! She's afraid of disgracing and ruining you, she says, but it doesn't matter about me. She can marry me all right! Notice how much consideration she shows for me!"
"But why did she run away to me, and then again from me to--"
"From you to me? Ha, ha! that's nothing! Why, she always acts as though she were in a delirium56 now-a-days! Either she says, 'Come on, I'll marry you! Let's have the wedding quickly!' and fixes the day, and seems in a hurry for it, and when it begins to come near she feels frightened; or else some other idea gets into her head--goodness knows! you've seen her--you know how she goes on-- laughing and crying and raving57! There's nothing extraordinary about her having run away from you! She ran away because she found out how dearly she loved you. She could not bear to be near you. You said just now that I had found her at Moscow, when she ran away from you. I didn't do anything of the sort; she came to me herself, straight from you. 'Name the day--I'm ready!' she said. 'Let's have some champagne58, and go and hear the gipsies sing!' I tell you she'd have thrown herself into the water long ago if it were not for me! She doesn't do it because I am, perhaps, even more dreadful to her than the water! She's marrying me out of spite; if she marries me, I tell you, it will be for spite!"
"But how do you, how can you--" began the prince, gazing with dread and horror at Rogojin.
"Why don't you finish your sentence? Shall I tell you what you were thinking to yourself just then? You were thinking, 'How can she marry him after this? How can it possibly be permitted?' Oh, I know what you were thinking about!"
"I didn't come here for that purpose, Parfen. That was not in my mind--"
"That may be! Perhaps you didn't COME with the idea, but the idea is certainly there NOW! Ha, ha! well, that's enough! What are you upset about? Didn't you really know it all before? You astonish me!"
"All this is mere33 jealousy--it is some malady59 of yours, Parfen! You exaggerate everything," said the prince, excessively agitated. "What are you doing?"
"Let go of it!" said Parfen, seizing from the prince's hand a knife which the latter had at that moment taken up from the table, where it lay beside the history. Parfen replaced it where it had been.
"I seemed to know it--I felt it, when I was coming back to Petersburg," continued the prince, "I did not want to come, I wished to forget all this, to uproot60 it from my memory altogether! Well, good-bye--what is the matter?"
He had absently taken up the knife a second time, and again Rogojin snatched it from his hand, and threw it down on the table. It was a plainlooking knife, with a bone handle, a blade about eight inches long, and broad in proportion, it did not clasp.
Seeing that the prince was considerably61 struck by the fact that he had twice seized this knife out of his hand, Rogojin caught it up with some irritation62, put it inside the book, and threw the latter across to another table.
"Do you cut your pages with it, or what?" asked Muishkin, still rather absently, as though unable to throw off a deep preoccupation into which the conversation had thrown him.
"Yes."
"It's a garden knife, isn't it?"
"Yes. Can't one cut pages with a garden knife?"
"It's quite new."
"Well, what of that? Can't I buy a new knife if I like?" shouted Rogojin furiously, his irritation growing with every word.
The prince shuddered, and gazed fixedly63 at Parfen. Suddenly he burst out laughing.
"Why, what an idea!" he said. "I didn't mean to ask you any of these questions; I was thinking of something quite different! But my head is heavy, and I seem so absent-minded nowadays! Well, good-bye--I can't remember what I wanted to say--good-bye!"
"Not that way," said Rogojin.
"There, I've forgotten that too!"
"This way--come along--I'll show you."
已经是１１点多了，公爵知道，此刻去叶潘钦家，他只能遇上因公事呆在城里的将军一人，而且也未必一定能遇上。他想到、将军大概还会带他立即驱车前往帕夫洛夫斯克，而在此以前他却很想先做另一次拜访。公爵甘愿迟去叶潘钦家和把去帕夫洛夫斯克的行程推迟到明天，决定去寻找他非常想去的那一幢房子。
不过，这次拜访对他来说在某些方面是很冒险的。他感到为难，并有点犹豫。他所知道的那幢房屋在豌豆街，高花园街不远，他决定先朝那里走，寄希望于在到达要去的地方前能最终彻底地下个决心。
走近豌豆街和花园街的十字路口时，他自己对自己那种异常的激动感到惊奇；他没有料到他的心会带着那样的痛楚跳动。有一座房屋大概因其独特的外表老远就开始吸引他的注意，公爵后来记起了，他对自己说：“这一定就是那座房子。”他怀着极大的好奇心走近去检验自己的猜测；他感到，如果他猜对了，不知为什么将会特别不愉快。这座房子很大，阴森森的，有三层楼，呈灰绿色，没有任何建筑风格。不过，建于上个世纪末的这类房屋只有很少几幢正是在一切都变得很侠的彼得堡的这儿条街道上保存了下来，而且毫无变样。它们建得很牢固，活很厚，窗房非常少；底下一层的窗户有的还装有栅栏。这下面一层大部分是兑换货币的铺子。掌柜的是个冷酷无憎的人，他租用了楼上作住房。不知为什么这房屋的外面和里面都给人一种冷漠呆板，拒客门外的感觉，一切都仿佛掩藏着，隐瞒着，至于为什么是这样，似乎光凭其外观是很难解释的。当然，建筑的线条结合有自己的秘密。在这幢房子里居住的几乎全是清一色的生意人。公爵走近大门，看了一下名牌，上面写着《世袭荣誉公民罗戈任宅》。
他不再犹豫，推开玻璃门进去，门在他身后砰的一声很响地关上了，他从正梯上二楼。楼梯很暗，是石砌的，结构粗笨，而楼梯壁漆成红色。他知道，罗戈任和母亲及兄长占据了这幢沉闷的房屋的整个二层楼。为公爵开门的人不经通报就带他往里走了很久，他们走过了一个正厅，那里的墙壁仿制成大理石，铺着像木拼本地板，摆设着二十年代粗陋而笨重的家具；他们还穿过了一些小斗室，就这样弯弯绕绕，后来登上两三个台阶，又向下跨了同样的级数，最终敲响了一扇门。开门的是帕尔芬·谢苗内奇本人。他看见是公爵，脸色一下子变得刷白，站在原地呆住了，一段时间宛如一尊石像。他双眼木然，目光惊惧，咧着嘴，露出一种极度困惑不解的微笑，仿佛认为公爵的来访是一件不可能的，几乎是奇迹的怪事。虽然这样的反应在公爵意料之中，但还是使他感到吃惊。
“帕尔芬，也许我来的不是时候，我可以就走，”终于他窘困地说。
“来得正好！来得正好！”帕尔芬终于恢复常态，“欢迎光临，请进！”
他们彼此用“你”相称。在莫斯科很长时间他们有机会经常碰头。在他们的会面中甚至有不少时刻在彼此心里烙下了令人难忘的记忆。现在他们已经有三个多月没有见面了。
罗戈任的脸色仍然苍白，脸上瞬息即逝的微微抽搐始终不停。他虽然招呼了客人，但是异常的窘困还没有消失。他把公爵带到扶手椅旁，请他坐到桌边。公爵无意中朝他转过身去，在他异常奇怪和沉重的目光影响下停住了。他想起了不久前令人痛苦、令人忧郁的事占他没有坐下来，一动不动地站着，直盯着罗戈任的眼睛好一会，这双眼睛在最初一瞬间射出的目光似乎更为咄咄逼人。最后，罗戈任讪笑了一下，但还有点不好意思而且似乎不知所措。
“你干吗这样盯着我看。”他喃喃着说，“请坐！”
公爵坐下了。
“帕尔芬，”他说，“对我直说，你知道我今天要来彼得堡还是不知道？”
“你要来，我就是这么想的，你瞧见了，我没有错，”他刻毒地冷笑了一下，补充说，“但是凭什么我知道今天要来？”
罗戈任回话中的反问含着一种强烈的冲动、奇怪的气恼，这更使公爵惊讶。
“即使你知道我今天要来，又为了什么这样恼怒呢？”公爵不好意思地低声说。
“那你何必要问呢？”
“刚才我下火车的时候，看见了一对眼睛跟你现在从背后看我的眼睛完全一样。”
“瞧你说的！这是谁的眼睛呢？”罗戈任怀疑地喃喃说。公爵觉得他打了个颤。
“我不知道，那人在人群中，我甚至觉得是我的幻觉；不知怎么的我开始老是产生幻觉。帕尔芬兄弟，我感到自己几乎就跟五年前的情况差不多，那时毛病经常发作。”
“也许，那就是幻觉；我不知道……”帕尔芬嘟哝说。
此时他脸上的亲切微笑跟他并不相称，就如这微笑的某个地方被折断了，不管帕尔芬怎么努力，要把它弥合起来却无能为力。
“怎么，又要去国外吗？”他问道，忽然又补充说，“你还记得我们坐火车的情景吗？秋天，我从普斯科夫乘车，我到这里，而你……穿着风衣，鞋罩。”
罗戈任突然笑了起来，这一次带着一种毫不掩饰的怨恨，并且似乎很高兴终于能以某种方式来表达这种怨恨。
“你在这里定居了？”公爵环顾着书房，问。
“是的，就在自己家里。我还能住在什么地方？”
“我们很久没有见面了。我听到一些关于你的说法，说的几乎不是你了。”
“人家说的还少吗？”罗戈任冷漠地说。
“不过你把那一伙人赶跑了，自己呆在父母的房子里，不再胡闹，这不很好吗？这是你的房子还是你们大家的？”
“是母亲的房子。从这里穿过走廊就到她的房间。”
“那你哥哥住哪里？”
“谢苗·谢苗内奇哥哥住左厢房。”
“他有家吗？”
“是个鳏夫。你干吗要打听这些？”
公爵瞥了一眼，没有回答。他忽然陷于沉思，似乎没有听到问话。罗戈任没有盯着问，但等待着，他们沉默了一会。
“刚才我来的时候，一百步远的地方就猜到这是你家的房子，”公爵说。
“为什么？”
“我完全不知道。你的房子具有你们整个家庭以及你们整个生活的外貌。你问为什么我得出这样的结论，我没法解释。当然，这是随便瞎说的。我甚至觉得害怕，我怎么这样忐忑不安。过去我没有想到，你住在这样的房子里，而当一看见它，马上就想到：‘他的房屋一定就是这样的！’”
“原来这样！”罗戈任不完全理解公爵没有明说的想法，含糊地憨笑了一下。“这一憧房子还是祖父建造的，”他说，“这里住的全是阉割派教徒，有一家姓赫鲁佳科夫，现在还租住我们的房子。”
“多暗哪。你就呆在这昏暗中，”公爵打量着书房，说。
“这是一个大房间，虽然很高，可是幽暗，堆满了各种家具，大多是一些大办公桌，写字台，橱柜，里面保藏着账册文件。一张宽大的羊皮红沙发显然是罗戈任睡觉用的。公爵发现罗戈任让他坐到旁边的桌子上有两三本书；其中一本。是索洛维约夫著的《历史》，正翻开在那里，还夹了东西作记号，四周墙上挂着几幅油画，金色的框架已经黯然无光，画面灰蒙蒙、黑乎乎的，很难辨清画的是什么。有一张全身肖像吸引了公爵的注意：画上是一个５０岁左右的人，穿着德国式样的外套，不过是长襟的，颈子上挂着两枚奖章，皱纹累累的黄脸上留着稀疏灰白的短须，目光显得多疑、隐秘和哀伤。”
“这是你父亲吗？”公爵问。
“正是他，”罗戈任带着不愉快的苦笑回答说，仿佛准备着马上就将听到拿他已故的父亲作谈资的无礼的玩笑话。
“他不是旧派教徒吧？”
“不是，他上教堂，这是真的，他说，旧的信仰比较正确。他也很尊重阉割派。这就是他的书房，你为什么要问是否信旧信仰？”
“你将在这里办喜事？”
“在--这里，”罗戈任回答说，因为这出乎意料的问题差点为之一颤。
“快了吗？”
“你自己也知道，这难道取决于我？”
“帕尔芬，我不是你的敌人，无论如何我也不想妨碍你，我现在重复说这点，就像过去有一次，几乎也在这样的时刻我曾经申明的一样。在莫斯科你举行婚礼时，我没有妨碍你，你是知道的。第一次，几乎就是从婚礼上，她自己跑来找我，请求我‘救救’她摆脱你。我向你复述的是她自己的话。后来她也从我这儿逃走了，你又找到她并带她去准备结婚，于是，据说她又从你那里逃到这里。这是夏的吗？我是列别杰夫这么告诉的，所以我也就来了。至于你们在这里又谈妥了这一情况，我只是昨天在火车上才第一次从你过去的一个好朋友那里获悉的，如果想知道，那是扎廖热夫说的，我到这里来是有打算的：我想最终说服她去国外恢复一下腔康；她身心交瘁，特别是头脑受到很大的刺激，照我看，需要非常精心的照料。我自己不想陪她去国外，我指的是没有我的情况下安排这一切。我对你说的是真心话，如果你们这件事又谈妥了完全属实的话，我就再也不会在她眼前露面，而且再也不会到你这里来。你自己也知道，我是不欺骗你的，因为我跟你总是赤诚相见的。我从来也不向你隐瞒自己对这件事的想法：跟着你她必将毁灭，你也会毁灭……也许，比她更惨。假如又再分手，我会感到很满意；但是我自己并不打算挑拨离间。你可以放心，不用怀疑我。再说，你自己也知道：什么时候我做过你的真正对手？甚至在她跑到我这里来的时候也没有过。你现在笑了，我知道，你在笑什么。是啊，我们在那里各住东西，后来又不在一个城市，这一切你必定知道的。哦可是以前就对你解释过，我对她的爱‘不是爱情而是怜悯’。我认为，我这样说是确切的。你那时说，你明白我的这句话，真的吗？真明白吗？瞧你多么敌视地望着我！我来是让你放心，因为你对我来说也是宝贵的，我很爱你，帕尔芬。而现在我就走，并且永远也不会再来。再见。”
公爵站起来。
“跟我一起坐一会，”帕尔芬轻轻地说，他没有从座位上起身，把头俯向右手掌，“我很久没有见到你了。”
公爵坐了下来。两人又沉默了。
“只要你不在我面前，我马上就会感到对你的怨恨，列夫·尼古拉耶维奇，这三个月里我没有看见你，每时每刻我都恨你，真的。巴不得抓住你，把你害死！就是这么回事。现在你和我一起坐了不到一刻钟，我所有的怨恨便都消失了，对我来说你又像原先那样惹人爱。陪我坐一会吧……”
“我跟你在一起时，你是相信我的，当我不在时，你马上就不再相信我，还怀疑我。你就像你老子！”公爵友好地笑了一下，竭力掩饰着自己的感情，回答说。
“我和你一起坐着的时候，我相信你的声音。我可是很明白，我和你不能相提并论，我和你……”
“你何必要添上这一句呢？你又着恼了，”公爵说，他对罗戈任觉得奇怪。
“这件事，兄弟，可不是问我们的意见，”罗戈任回答说，“无须我们就决定了。我们爱的方式也不一样，在所有各方面都有差异，”沉默一会以后，罗戈任轻轻地继续说，“你说，你爱她是出于怜悯。我对她却没有丝毫这样的怜悯，而且她恨我甚于一切。我现在每天夜里都梦见她，梦见她跟另一个男人嘲笑我的情景。兄弟，就是有这样的事。她答应与我结婚，可是根本就不会想着我，就像换双鞋似的。你相信吗，我已经有五天没有见到她了，因为我不敢到她那儿去，她会问：‘你来干吗？’她羞辱我还少嘛……”
“羞辱你？你说什么呀？”
“你仿佛不知道似的！她可是‘就从婚礼上’从我那里逃走，与你一起私奔的，你自己刚刚说的。”
“可是你自己也不相信……”
“在莫斯科时她与一个叫泽姆久日尼科夫的军官在一起，难道没有丢我脸？我肯定她丢了我的脸。在那以后她自己确定婚期的。”
“不可能！”公爵喊了起来。
“我确切知道的，”罗戈任有把握地肯定说，“怎么，她不是这种人还是怎么的？兄弟啊，她不是这种人这样的话无须再说了。这纯粹是无稽之谈，她跟你不会是这样的，而跟我恰恰就是这样的。就是这么回事。他看我就像最无用的废物一样。跟凯勒尔，就是那个打拳击的军官，我肯定她跟他有名堂，就为了笑话我……你还不知道，她在莫斯科耍了我多少回！而我又给她汇了多少钱，多少钱呀……”
“那……那你现在又怎能结婚呢！……以后怎么办？”公爵惊骇地问。
罗戈任苦恼和可怕地望了一眼公爵，什么话也没回答。
“我现在已经是第五天没去她那儿了，”沉默了稍顷，他继续说，“我老怕被她赶出来。‘我，’她说，‘还是自己的主人，只要我想，就可以把你赶走，自己到国外去’（这是她对我说要到国外去--罗戈任仿佛用括弧作说明似的指出，并且有点特别地看了一眼公爵的眼睛）；确实，有时候仅仅是吓唬吓唬人的，不知为什么老是要嘲笑我。有一次她真的皱眉蹙额，阴沉着脸，不说一句话，我就怕她这样，我甚至还想，不能空着手去见她，结果只惹得她笑，后来甚至恼恨起来，她把我送给她的那么一条高级的披巾送给了侍女卡季卡，虽然她以前过惯了奢华阔绰的生活，也许，还没有见到过这么好的／说到什么时候举行婚礼，连一个字也不能提。连到她那儿去都害怕，哪还算是未婚夫？我就这么呆着，忍不住了就偷偷地在她那条街上悄悄走过她的屋子或者躲在哪个角上望着那里。有时候在她住的屋子大门旁差不多一直到天亮，当时我仿佛觉得看到了什么。而她，大概，从窗口瞥见了我，就说‘如果你看见了我欺骗了你，你会拿我怎么办？’我忍无可忍，就说，‘你知道。’”
“她知道什么？”
“为什么我就知道！”罗戈任怨恨地笑了起来，“在莫斯科那时，虽然我等了很久，可是未能捉住任何人与她在一起。于是有一天我抓住她，说：‘你答应跟我举行婚礼，走进正派人家，可你知道自己现在是什么人吗？’我说，‘你算什么东西！’”
“你对她说了？”
“说了。”
“后来呢？”
“‘现在，’她说，‘把你当仆人也许我也不想要，而不是我当你的妻子。’我说，‘那我就不出去，反正一一样下场！’‘她说，我马上叫凯勒尔来，告诉他，让他把你扔到大门外。’我就扑向她，马上就把她打得青一块紫一块的。”
“不可能。”公爵喊了起来。
“我说，有过这回事，”罗戈任目光炯炯，轻声肯定说，“整整一天半我不吃不喝不睡，不走出她的房间，跪在她面前，‘我说，只要你不宽恕我，我就是死也不出去，要是你吩咐把我拖出去，我就去投河，因为没有你我现在算什么？多那一整天她就像疯了似的，一会儿哭，一会想要用刀杀死我，一会儿骂我。她把扎廖热夫，凯勒尔和泽姆久日尼科夫等所有的熟人都叫来了，指着我向他们数落，羞辱我。‘诸位，今天我们大家结伴上剧院去，既然他不想出去，就让他在这里呆着，我可不会为了他而受束缚。而在这里，帕尔芬·谢苗内奇，我不在也会给您送茶的，今天您大概饿了。’她从剧院回来是一个人。她说，‘他们都是胆小鬼和卑鄙小人，怕你，还吓唬我，说什么你不会就这样走的，说不定会杀人。而我偏要走进卧室，偏不锁门，瞧我怕不怕你！也要让你知道和看到这点！你喝过茶了吗？’‘没有，’我说，‘也不要喝。’‘随你的便，不过这跟你很不相称。”她怎么说就怎么做，房间没有上锁。第二天早晨她走出来，笑着说，‘你疯·了还是怎么的？你这样是会饿死的！’我说，‘宽恕我吧！夕‘我不想宽恕，我也不嫁给你，这话已经说过了。难道你整夜就坐在这张扶手椅上，没有睡觉？’‘没有，’我说，‘没有睡。’‘真太聪明了！又不打算喝茶，吃饭。”‘我说了不，宽恕我吧！’‘这跟你可真不相称，’她说，‘这就像给母牛配马胺一样，你要知道这点就好了。你这不是想出来吓唬我吧？你饿着肚皮老这么坐下去，跟我又有什么关系，你就这么吓人好了！’她很生气，但时间不长，又开始挖苦我。这时我对她感到好生奇怪，难道她根本就下怨恨？她本来是个记仇的人，而且会很长时间对别人的恨耿耿于怀！于是找头脑里有了一个想法：她把我看得卑贱到不值得对我大动肝火的地步。确实是这样。‘你知道吗，’她说，‘罗马的神父是怎么回事吗？’‘听说过，’我说。‘你，’她说，‘帕尔芬·谢苗内奇，一点也没有学过通史。’我说，”一点包没有学过。’她说，‘那么我给你一本书读：曾经有过这样一个神父，他很生一个皇帝的气，那皇帝在他那儿三天不吃不喝，光着脚跪着，在神父宽恕他以前，他就一直跪在自己的宫殿前；你倒想想，在这三天中他跪着，反复暗自思忖，发出了什么誓言？……等一下，她说，我来把这一段念给你听！，她跳起身，拿来了书。‘这是诗，’她说着就开始给我念起诗来，诗里讲这个皇帝在这三天里发警要对那个神父报复，她说，‘难道你不喜欢这故事，帕尔芬·谢苗内奇？”我说，‘你读的这一切都是对的。‘啊，你自己说是对的，也就是说，你大概也在发誓：等她嫁给我，到那时我会记起她的桩桩件件，到那时非对她嘲弄个够！’‘我不知道，’我说，‘也许是这样想。，‘怎么不知道？，‘我是不知道，我说，现在我想的全不是这个。’‘那你现在在想什么？，‘当你从座位上站起来，从我身边走过时，我就望着你，注视着你；你的裙子发生一阵悉悉索索声，我的心就沉了下去，当你走出房间后，我就回想着你的第一句话，回想着你讲话的声音，讲了什么；整个夜里我什么都不想，老是谛听着，你睡着时怎么呼吸，怎么动弹两次……’‘你呀，她笑了起来说，‘大概也想到了打我的事，没想还是没记住？’‘也许，’我说，‘会想，我不知道。’‘如果我不宽恕，也不嫁给你呢？’‘我说过了，我就去投河。多‘也许，在这次前先打死我。’她说完就沉思起来。后来她发火了。走出了房间。过了一小时她走到我面前，她是那样的阴郁。‘我，’她说，‘嫁给你，帕尔芬·谢苗内奇，并不是因为我怕你，而是反正一样是毁灭。可哪里更好呢？请坐下。，她说， ‘马上给你送饭来。既然将嫁给你，她补充说，我将做你的忠实妻子，在这一点上你不用怀疑，也不用担心。’接着她沉默了一一会，又说，‘你终究不是奴才，我过去以为，你完全是个十足的奴才。’她当即就确走了婚期，而过了一个星期她就从我这儿逃到这里列别杰夫家。我一来，她就说，‘我根本不是要与你脱离关系；我只是还想等一等，我愿多久就多久，因为我依然还是自己的主人。如果你愿意，你就等着吧。’这就是我们目前的情况……列夫·尼古拉耶维奇，你对这一切是怎么想的。”
“你自己是怎么想的？”公爵忧郁地望着罗戈任，反问道。
“难道我还能想什么？”罗戈任脱口而出。他本来还想补充说什么，但是在无穷的烦恼中、又缄默了。
公爵站起身，又想离开了。
“反正我不会妨碍你，”他几乎是若有所思地说，仿佛是在回答自己内心的隐秘的思想。
“知道吗，我要对你说什么！”罗戈任忽然振奋起来，目光熠熠，“我不明白；你怎么这样对我让步？难道已经完全不再爱她了？过去你毕竟害过相思病的，我可是看得出的。那么现在你拼命跑到这儿来又是为了什么？是出于怜悯？（他的脸变扭曲了，露出恶意的嘲笑。）嘻嘻！”
“你认为，我是在欺骗你？”公爵问。
“不，我相信你，只不过一点也不明白其中的缘由。最正确的解释大概是你的怜悯比我的爱情更强烈。”
他的脸上燃起一种怨恨的、一定要立即说出来的愿望。
“怎么，你不能区分爱和恨，”公爵莞尔一笑，“要是爱情消逝，也许会有更大的不幸。帕尔芬兄弟，我现在就对你说明这点……”
“难道我会杀了她？”
公爵打了个寒颤。
“为了目前这种爱情，为了眼前承受的所有这一切痛苦，你会非常恨她。对于我来说最为奇怪的是，她怎么又会答应嫁给你？昨天一听到这个消息，几乎难以相信，而且心头感到非常沉重。要知道她已是两次拒绝了你，而且在快要举行婚礼时逃走的。这就是说，她是有预感的！……她现在看中你什么：难道是你的钱？这是荒谬的。再说你的钱花得也够厉害的了。难道仅仅是为了找个丈夫？除了你她可也能找得到的。她嫁给任何人都比嫁给你好，因为你也许真的会杀了她，大概，她现在对这一点是太明白了，是因为你爱她爱得这么强烈？真的，莫非就是这一点……我常听说，是有这么一种人寻找以正是这样的爱情……只是这样的……”
公爵顿住不说了，陷于沉思之中。
“你干吗又笑起我父亲的画像来了？”罗戈任问，他非常留神地观察着么爵脸上的任何一点变化，任何一个瞬息却逝的细微的表情。
“我笑什么？我想到，如果你没有这件伤脑筋的事，不产生这种爱情，那么你大概会跟你父亲一模一样，而且就在不久的将来。你会一个人默默地跟驯服恭顺、不敢吭声的妻子住在这幢房子里，只会有很少的但是严厉的话语对谁也不相信，而且也根本不需要这一点，只是默默地、阴郁地聚敛财富。顶多就是有时候对古书大大赞扬一番，对旧派教徒用两个指头划十字感兴趣，就这些大概也要到老时才会这样……”
“你嘲笑吧。不久前她也细细看过这幅画像，说的这些话一模一样。真怪。你们现在在所有方面都协调一致……”
“难道她已经到你这里来过？”公爵好奇地问。
“来过，她对画像看了很久，打听了许多有关先父的事情，最后她朝我莞尔一笑，说、‘你会成为完全像他一样的人。帕尔芬·谢苗内奇，你有强烈的欲望，如果你也没有头脑的话，你正好带着这样的欲望飞去西伯利亚，去做苦工，可是你很有头脑。（你相信不相信她会这么说？我第一次从她那儿听到这样的话！），她说，‘你也会很快抛弃现在这一切胡作非为的行为。因为你是个完全没有教养的人，因此你会开始积攒钱财，会像你父亲一样跟自己那些阉割派教徒一起坐在这幢房子里，最后大概自己也转到他们的信仰上，并且你也会那样地爱自己的钱财，也许会积上不是两百万而是一千万，但是会饿死在自己的钱袋上，因为你在所有方面都存有欲望。你把一切都引向欲望。’她就是这么说的，几乎原话就是这些话。这以前她还从来也没有跟我这样谈过！她跟我尽说些无聊话，要不就是嘲笑话；而且这次开始时是笑着讲的，后来却变得非常忧郁；整个这幢房屋她都走了看遍，好像害怕什么似的。‘我要改变这一切，我说，‘重新装修，不然，也许还是另外买一幢房子结婚。’‘不，不，她说，‘这里什么也不要改变，我们就将这样生活。等我做了你的妻子。我想在你妈妈身边过日子。’我带她去见母亲，她对母亲很敬重，就像亲生女儿一般。母亲在以前精神就不完全正常，她有病已经有两年了，父亲去世后她完全变成小孩一样，没有话语，坐着不能动弹，一看见人，只会在原地朝人家行礼；似乎你不喂她吃，她三天也想不起来。我拿起母亲的右手，替她捏好指头，对她说，‘妈妈，祝福吧，她要与我结婚了。’她则充满感激地吻了我母亲的手。‘你母亲，’她说，‘一定受了许多苦。’她看见我的这本书说，‘你这是怎么了，开始看起《俄国史》来了？（其实，在莫斯科有一次她自己对我说过：‘你哪怕是充实一点自己也好，哪怕是读读索洛维耶夫的《俄国史》，你实在是什么也不知道。’）你这样很好，‘她说，’就这样做下去，做下去。我自己来给你写一份书单，哪些书你首先应该看，你愿不愿意？’以后她从来也没有这样跟我讲过话，从来也没有过，因此我简直是受宠若惊，第一次像个活人一样喘了一口气。”
“帕尔芬，我对此感到很高兴，”公爵怀着真挚的感情说，“很高兴。谁知道呢，也许，是上帝把你们安排在一起。”
“永远也不会有那样的事！”罗戈任激动地喊了起来。
“听着，帕尔芬，既然你这样爱她，难道你不想赢得她的尊敬？如果你想难道不希望这样？我刚才就说，对我来说有一道奥妙的题目：她为什么愿意嫁给你？虽然我解不出来，但我仍然毫不置疑，这里一定有充足的、有理的原因。她相信你的爱情，但是也一定相信你的一些长处。否则可是不可能的！你刚才所说的话证实了这一点，你自己说，她发现了有可能跟你用完全不同于过去对你讲的语言来讲话。你好疑心好嫉妒，因此夸大了你所发觉的一切不好的方面。反之，当然，也并没有像你说的那样把你想得那么不好。不然就意味着，她嫁给你是自觉地上刀山赴火海去找死。难道这可能吗？谁会自觉地上刀山赴火海去找死呢？”
帕尔芬带着一丝痛苦的微笑听着公爵这一番热烈的话。看来，他的信念已经不可动摇。
“帕尔芬，你现在望着我的样子多么令人难受呀！”公爵怀着沉重的感情脱口而出说。
“上刀山赴火海。”罗戈任终于说，“嘿，她之所以嫁给我，就因为料定要挨我的刀子！公爵，难道你夏的至今还没悟到、整个这件事的症结在哪里？”
“我不明白你的话。”
“好吧，也许你真的不明白，嘿嘿！怪不得人家说你有点儿……那个。她爱的是另一个人，这下明白了吧！就像我现在爱她一样，她也这样爱着另一个人。这另一个人你知道是谁吗？这就是你！怎么，你不知道还是怎么的？”
“是我！”
“是你。还是从生日那天开始，从那时起她就爱上你了。只不过她认为，她不可能嫁给你，因为她似乎觉得会使你蒙受耻辱，殷了你的整个命运。她说：‘大家都知道我是个什么人。’至今她自己还经常重申这一点。这一切都是她亲自当着我面说的。她怕毁了你，使你蒙受耻辱，而嫁给我，这么说吧，是没什么关系的，是可以的，瞧她把我看作什么样的人，这也是显而易见的！”
“那她怎么从你这儿逃到我那里，又……从我那里……”
“从你那里跑到我这儿！嘿！她一时突发奇想的事还少吗！她现在整个人儿就像发热病一样。一会儿冲着我喊：‘嫁给你等于投河一样，快点结婚吧！’她自己催促我，选定日期，可一旦接近婚期，又害怕了，或者又冒出别的念头来，天晓得是怎么回事，你不也是看到的吗：又是哭，又是笑，激狂得打哆嗦。她从你那里逃走，这又有什么奥妙可言呢？当时她从你那里逃走，是因为她自己醒悟到，她是多么强烈地爱你。她不能呆在你那里。你刚才说，那时我在莫斯科
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postponing
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| v.延期，推迟( postpone的现在分词 ) | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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risky
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| adj.有风险的，冒险的 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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hereditary
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| adj.遗传的，遗传性的，可继承的，世袭的 | |
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honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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glazed
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| adj.光滑的，像玻璃的；上过釉的；呆滞无神的v.装玻璃( glaze的过去式)；上釉于，上光；（目光）变得呆滞无神 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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miraculous
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| adj.像奇迹一样的，不可思议的 | |
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vent
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| n.通风口，排放口；开衩；vt.表达，发泄 | |
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recollecting
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| v.记起，想起( recollect的现在分词 ) | |
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vividly
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| adv.清楚地，鲜明地，生动地 | |
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sarcastically
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| adv.挖苦地，讽刺地 | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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concealed
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| a.隐藏的，隐蔽的 | |
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malice
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| n.恶意，怨恨，蓄意；[律]预谋 | |
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joint
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widower
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| n.鳏夫 | |
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musing
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| n. 沉思，冥想 adj. 沉思的, 冥想的 动词muse的现在分词形式 | |
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vaguely
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gilded
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| a.镀金的，富有的 | |
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interfere
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| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
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perfectly
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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loathed
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| v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的过去式和过去分词 )；极不喜欢 | |
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horrify
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| vt.使恐怖，使恐惧，使惊骇 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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bruised
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| [医]青肿的，瘀紫的 | |
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ablaze
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| adj.着火的，燃烧的；闪耀的，灯火辉煌的 | |
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heroism
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| n.大无畏精神，英勇 | |
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vindictive
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| adj.有报仇心的，怀恨的，惩罚的 | |
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resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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vows
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| 誓言( vow的名词复数 )； 郑重宣布，许愿 | |
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vowing
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| 起誓，发誓（vow的现在分词形式） | |
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vengeance
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| n.报复，报仇，复仇 | |
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rustle
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| v.沙沙作响；偷盗(牛、马等)；n.沙沙声声 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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renounce
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| v.放弃；拒绝承认，宣布与…断绝关系 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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presentiment
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| n.预感，预觉 | |
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passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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heeded
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| v.听某人的劝告，听从( heed的过去式和过去分词 )；变平，使（某物）变平( flatten的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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amass
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| vt.积累，积聚 | |
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blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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delirium
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| n. 神智昏迷,说胡话;极度兴奋 | |
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raving
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| adj.说胡话的；疯狂的，怒吼的；非常漂亮的；令人醉心[痴心]的v.胡言乱语(rave的现在分词)n.胡话；疯话adv.胡言乱语地；疯狂地 | |
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champagne
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| n.香槟酒；微黄色 | |
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malady
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| n.病，疾病(通常做比喻) | |
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uproot
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| v.连根拔起，拔除；根除，灭绝；赶出家园，被迫移开 | |
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considerably
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| adv.极大地；相当大地；在很大程度上 | |
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irritation
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| n.激怒，恼怒，生气 | |
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fixedly
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| adv.固定地；不屈地，坚定不移地 | |
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