SHE laughed, but she was rather angry too.
"He's asleep! You were asleep," she said, with contemptuous surprise.
"Is it really you?" muttered the prince, not quite himself as yet, and recognizing her with a start of amazement1. "Oh yes, of course," he added, "this is our rendezvous2. I fell asleep here."
"So I saw."
"Did no one awake me besides yourself? Was there no one else here? I thought there was another woman."
"There was another woman here?"
At last he was wide awake.
"It was a dream, of course," he said, musingly3. "Strange that I should have a dream like that at such a moment. Sit down--"
He took her hand and seated her on the bench; then sat down beside her and reflected.
Aglaya did not begin the conversation, but contented4 herself with watching her companion intently.
He looked back at her, but at times it was clear that he did not see her and was not thinking of her.
Aglaya began to flush up.
"Oh yes!" cried the prince, starting. "Hippolyte's suicide--"
"What? At your house?" she asked, but without much surprise. "He was alive yesterday evening, wasn't he? How could you sleep here after that?" she cried, growing suddenly animated5.
"Oh, but he didn't kill himself; the pistol didn't go off." Aglaya insisted on hearing the whole story. She hurried the prince along, but interrupted him with all sorts of questions, nearly all of which were irrelevant6. Among other things, she seemed greatly interested in every word that Evgenie Pavlovitch had said, and made the prince repeat that part of the story over and over again.
"Well, that'll do; we must be quick," she concluded, after hearing all. "We have only an hour here, till eight; I must be home by then without fail, so that they may not find out that I came and sat here with you; but I've come on business. I have a great deal to say to you. But you have bowled me over considerably7 with your news. As to Hippolyte, I think his pistol was bound not to go off; it was more consistent with the whole affair. Are you sure he really wished to blow his brains out, and that there was no humbug8 about the matter?"
"No humbug at all."
"Very likely. So he wrote that you were to bring me a copy of his confession9, did he? Why didn't you bring it?"
"Why, he didn't die! I'll ask him for it, if you like."
"Bring it by all means; you needn't ask him. He will be delighted, you may be sure; for, in all probability, he shot at himself simply in order that I might read his confession. Don't laugh at what I say, please, Lef Nicolaievitch, because it may very well be the case."
"I'm not laughing. I am convinced, myself, that that may have been partly the reason.
"You are convinced? You don't really mean to say you think that honestly?" asked Aglaya, extremely surprised.
She put her questions very quickly and talked fast, every now and then forgetting what she had begun to say, and not finishing her sentence. She seemed to be impatient to warn the prince about something or other. She was in a state of unusual excitement, and though she put on a brave and even defiant10 air, she seemed to be rather alarmed. She was dressed very simply, but this suited her well. She continually trembled and blushed, and she sat on the very edge of the seat.
The fact that the prince confirmed her idea, about Hippolyte shooting himself that she might read his confession, surprised her greatly.
"Of course," added the prince, "he wished us all to applaud his conduct--besides yourself."
"How do you mean--applaud?"
"Well--how am I to explain? He was very anxious that we should all come around him, and say we were so sorry for him, and that we loved him very much, and all that; and that we hoped he wouldn't kill himself, but remain alive. Very likely he thought more of you than the rest of us, because he mentioned you at such a moment, though perhaps he did not know himself that he had you in his mind's eye."
"I don't understand you. How could he have me in view, and not be aware of it himself? And yet, I don't know--perhaps I do. Do you know I have intended to poison myself at least thirty times--ever since I was thirteen or so--and to write to my parents before I did it? I used to think how nice it would be to lie in my coffin11, and have them all weeping over me and saying it was all their fault for being so cruel, and all that--what are you smiling at?" she added, knitting her brow. "What do YOU think of when you go mooning about alone? I suppose you imagine yourself a field- marshal, and think you have conquered Napoleon?"
"Well, I really have thought something of the sort now and then, especially when just dozing12 off," laughed the prince. "Only it is the Austrians whom I conquer--not Napoleon."
"I don't wish to joke with you, Lef Nicolaievitch. I shall see Hippolyte myself. Tell him so. As for you, I think you are behaving very badly, because it is not right to judge a man's soul as you are judging Hippolyte's. You have no gentleness, but only justice--so you are unjust."
The prince reflected.
"I think you are unfair towards me," he said. "There is nothing wrong in the thoughts I ascribe to Hippolyte; they are only natural. But of course I don't know for certain what he thought. Perhaps he thought nothing, but simply longed to see human faces once more, and to hear human praise and feel human affection. Who knows? Only it all came out wrong, somehow. Some people have luck, and everything comes out right with them; others have none, and never a thing turns out fortunately."
"I suppose you have felt that in your own case," said Aglaya.
"Yes, I have," replied the prince, quite unsuspicious of any irony13 in the remark.
"H'm--well, at all events, I shouldn't have fallen asleep here, in your place. It wasn't nice of you, that. I suppose you fall asleep wherever you sit down?"
"But I didn't sleep a wink14 all night. I walked and walked about, and went to where the music was--"
"What music?"
"Where they played last night. Then I found this bench and sat down, and thought and thought--and at last I fell fast asleep."
"Oh, is that it? That makes a difference, perhaps. What did you go to the bandstand for?"
"I don't know; I---"
"Very well--afterwards. You are always interrupting me. What woman was it you were dreaming about?"
"It was--about--you saw her--"
"Quite so; I understand. I understand quite well. You are very-- Well, how did she appear to you? What did she look like? No, I don't want to know anything about her," said Aglaya, angrily; "don't interrupt me--"
She paused a moment as though getting breath, or trying to master her feeling of annoyance15.
"Look here; this is what I called you here for. I wish to make you a--to ask you to be my friend. What do you stare at me like that for?" she added, almost angrily.
The prince certainly had darted16 a rather piercing look at her, and now observed that she had begun to blush violently. At such moments, the more Aglaya blushed, the angrier she grew with herself; and this was clearly expressed in her eyes, which flashed like fire. As a rule, she vented17 her wrath18 on her unfortunate companion, be it who it might. She was very conscious of her own shyness, and was not nearly so talkative as her sisters for this reason--in fact, at times she was much too quiet. When, therefore, she was bound to talk, especially at such delicate moments as this, she invariably did so with an air of haughty19 defiance20. She always knew beforehand when she was going to blush, long before the blush came.
"Perhaps you do not wish to accept my proposition?" she asked, gazing haughtily21 at the prince.
"Oh yes, I do; but it is so unnecessary. I mean, I did not think you need make such a proposition," said the prince, looking confused.
"What did you suppose, then? Why did you think I invited you out here? I suppose you think me a 'little fool,' as they all call me at home?"
"I didn't know they called you a fool. I certainly don't think you one."
"You don't think me one! Oh, dear me!--that's very clever of you; you put it so neatly22, too."
"In my opinion, you are far from a fool sometimes--in fact, you are very intelligent. You said a very clever thing just now about my being unjust because I had ONLY justice. I shall remember that, and think about it."
Aglaya blushed with pleasure. All these changes in her expression came about so naturally and so rapidly--they delighted the prince; he watched her, and laughed.
"Listen," she began again; "I have long waited to tell you all this, ever since the time when you sent me that letter--even before that. Half of what I have to say you heard yesterday. I consider you the most honest and upright of men--more honest and upright than any other man; and if anybody says that your mind is--is sometimes affected23, you know--it is unfair. I always say so and uphold it, because even if your surface mind be a little affected (of course you will not feel angry with me for talking so--I am speaking from a higher point of view) yet your real mind is far better than all theirs put together. Such a mind as they have never even DREAMED of; because really, there are TWO minds-- the kind that matters, and the kind that doesn't matter. Isn't it so?"
"May be! may be so!" said the prince, faintly; his heart was beating painfully.
"I knew you would not misunderstand me," she said, triumphantly24. "Prince S. and Evgenie Pavlovitch and Alexandra don't understand anything about these two kinds of mind, but, just fancy, mamma does!"
"You are very like Lizabetha Prokofievna."
"What! surely not?" said Aglaya.
"Yes, you are, indeed."
"Thank you; I am glad to be like mamma," she said, thoughtfully. "You respect her very much, don't you?" she added, quite unconscious of the naiveness25 of the question.
"VERY much; and I am so glad that you have realized the fact."
"I am very glad, too, because she is often laughed at by people. But listen to the chief point. I have long thought over the matter, and at last I have chosen you. I don't wish people to laugh at me; I don't wish people to think me a 'little fool.' I don't want to be chaffed. I felt all this of a sudden, and I refused Evgenie Pavlovitch flatly, because I am not going to be forever thrown at people's heads to be married. I want--I want-- well, I'll tell you, I wish to run away from home, and I have chosen you to help me."
"Run away from home?" cried the prince.
"Yes--yes--yes! Run away from home!" she repeated, in a transport of rage. "I won't, I won't be made to blush every minute by them all! I don't want to blush before Prince S. or Evgenie Pavlovitch, or anyone, and therefore I have chosen you. I shall tell you everything, EVERYTHING, even the most important things of all, whenever I like, and you are to hide nothing from me on your side. I want to speak to at least one person, as I would to myself. They have suddenly begun to say that I am waiting for you, and in love with you. They began this before you arrived here, and so I didn't show them the letter, and now they all say it, every one of them. I want to be brave, and be afraid of nobody. I don't want to go to their balls and things--I want to do good. I have long desired to run away, for I have been kept shut up for twenty years, and they are always trying to marry me off. I wanted to run away when I was fourteen years old--I was a little fool then, I know--but now I have worked it all out, and I have waited for you to tell me about foreign countries. I have never seen a single Gothic cathedral. I must go to Rome; I must see all the museums; I must study in Paris. All this last year I have been preparing and reading forbidden books. Alexandra and Adelaida are allowed to read anything they like, but I mayn't. I don't want to quarrel with my sisters, but I told my parents long ago that I wish to change my social position. I have decided26 to take up teaching, and I count on you because you said you loved children. Can we go in for education together--if not at once, then afterwards? We could do good together. I won't be a general's daughter any more! Tell me, are you a very learned man?"
"Oh no; not at all."
"Oh-h-h! I'm sorry for that. I thought you were. I wonder why I always thought so--but at all events you'll help me, won't you? Because I've chosen you, you know."
"Aglaya Ivanovna, it's absurd."
But I will, I WILL run away!" she cried--and her eyes flashed again with anger--"and if you don't agree I shall go and marry Gavrila Ardalionovitch! I won't be considered a horrible girl, and accused of goodness knows what."
"Are you out of your mind?" cried the prince, almost starting from his seat. "What do they accuse you of? Who accuses you?"
"At home, everybody, mother, my sisters, Prince S., even that detestable Colia! If they don't say it, they think it. I told them all so to their faces. I told mother and father and everybody. Mamma was ill all the day after it, and next day father and Alexandra told me that I didn't understand what nonsense I was talking. I informed them that they little knew me-- I was not a small child--I understood every word in the language-- that I had read a couple of Paul de Kok's novels two years since on purpose, so as to know all about everything. No sooner did mamma hear me say this than she nearly fainted!"
A strange thought passed through the prince's brain; he gazed intently at Aglaya and smiled.
He could not believe that this was the same haughty young girl who had once so proudly shown him Gania's letter. He could not understand how that proud and austere27 beauty could show herself to be such an utter child--a child who probably did not even now understand some words.
"Have you always lived at home, Aglaya Ivanovna?" he asked. "I mean, have you never been to school, or college, or anything?"
"No--never--nowhere! I've been at home all my life, corked28 up in a bottle; and they expect me to be married straight out of it. What are you laughing at again? I observe that you, too, have taken to laughing at me, and range yourself on their side against me," she added, frowning angrily. "Don't irritate me--I'm bad enough without that--I don't know what I am doing sometimes. I am persuaded that you came here today in the full belief that I am in love with you, and that I arranged this meeting because of that," she cried, with annoyance.
"I admit I was afraid that that was the case, yesterday," blundered the prince (he was rather confused), "but today I am quite convinced that "
"How?" cried Aglaya--and her lower lip trembled violently. "You were AFRAID that I--you dared to think that I--good gracious! you suspected, perhaps, that I sent for you to come here in order to catch you in a trap, so that they should find us here together, and make you marry me--"
"Aglaya Ivanovna, aren't you ashamed of saying such a thing? How could such a horrible idea enter your sweet, innocent heart? I am certain you don't believe a word of what you say, and probably you don't even know what you are talking about."
Aglaya sat with her eyes on the ground; she seemed to have alarmed even herself by what she had said.
"No, I'm not; I'm not a bit ashamed!" she murmured. "And how do you know my heart is innocent? And how dared you send me a love-- letter that time?"
"LOVE-LETTER? My letter a love-letter? That letter was the most respectful of letters; it went straight from my heart, at what was perhaps the most painful moment of my life! I thought of you at the time as a kind of light. I--"
"Well, very well, very well!" she said, but quite in a different tone. She was remorseful29 now, and bent30 forward to touch his shoulder, though still trying not to look him in the face, as if the more persuasively31 to beg him not to be angry with her. "Very well," she continued, looking thoroughly32 ashamed of herself, "I feel that I said a very foolish thing. I only did it just to try you. Take it as unsaid, and if I offended you, forgive me. Don't look straight at me like that, please; turn your head away. You called it a 'horrible idea'; I only said it to shock you. Very often I am myself afraid of saying what I intend to say, and out it comes all the same. You have just told me that you wrote that letter at the most painful moment of your life. I know what moment that was!" she added softly, looking at the ground again.
"Oh, if you could know all!"
"I DO know all!" she cried, with another burst of indignation. "You were living in the same house as that horrible woman with whom you ran away." She did not blush as she said this; on the contrary, she grew pale, and started from her seat, apparently33 oblivious34 of what she did, and immediately sat down again. Her lip continued to tremble for a long time.
There was silence for a moment. The prince was taken aback by the suddenness of this last reply, and did not know to what he should attribute it.
"I don't love you a bit!" she said suddenly, just as though the words had exploded from her mouth.
The prince did not answer, and there was silence again. "I love Gavrila Ardalionovitch," she said, quickly; but hardly audibly, and with her head bent lower than ever.
"That is NOT true," said the prince, in an equally low voice.
"What! I tell stories, do I? It is true! I gave him my promise a couple of days ago on this very seat."
The prince was startled, and reflected for a moment.
"It is not true," he repeated, decidedly; "you have just invented it!"
"You are wonderfully polite. You know he is greatly improved. He loves me better than his life. He let his hand burn before my very eyes in order to prove to me that he loved me better than his life!"
"He burned his hand!"
"Yes, believe it or not! It's all the same to me!"
The prince sat silent once more. Aglaya did not seem to be joking; she was too angry for that.
"What! he brought a candle with him to this place? That is, if the episode happened here; otherwise I can't "
"Yes, a candle! What's there improbable about that?"
"A whole one, and in a candlestick?"
"Yes--no-half a candle--an end, you know--no, it was a whole candle; it's all the same. Be quiet, can't you! He brought a box of matches too, if you like, and then lighted the candle and held his finger in it for half an hour and more!--There! Can't that be?"
"I saw him yesterday, and his fingers were all right!"
Aglaya suddenly burst out laughing, as simply as a child.
"Do you know why I have just told you these lies?" She appealed to the prince, of a sudden, with the most childlike candour, and with the laugh still trembling on her lips. "Because when one tells a lie, if one insists on something unusual and eccentric-- something too 'out of the way'' for anything, you know--the more impossible the thing is, the more plausible35 does the lie sound. I've noticed this. But I managed it badly; I didn't know how to work it." She suddenly frowned again at this point as though at some sudden unpleasant recollection.
"If"--she began, looking seriously and even sadly at him-- "if when I read you all that about the 'poor knight,' I wished to-to praise you for one thing--I also wished to show you that I knew all--and did not approve of your conduct."
"You are very unfair to me, and to that unfortunate woman of whom you spoke36 just now in such dreadful terms, Aglaya."
"Because I know all, all--and that is why I speak so. I know very well how you--half a year since--offered her your hand before everybody. Don't interrupt me. You see, I am merely stating facts without any comment upon them. After that she ran away with Rogojin. Then you lived with her at some village or town, and she ran away from you." (Aglaya blushed dreadfully.) "Then she returned to Rogojin again, who loves her like a madman. Then you --like a wise man as you are--came back here after her as soon as ever you heard that she had returned to Petersburg. Yesterday evening you sprang forward to protect her, and just now you dreamed about her. You see, I know all. You did come back here for her, for her--now didn't you?"
"Yes--for her!" said the prince softly and sadly, and bending his head down, quite unconscious of the fact that Aglaya was gazing at him with eyes which burned like live coals. "I came to find out something--I don't believe in her future happiness as Rogojin's wife, although--in a word, I did not know how to help her or what to do for her--but I came, on the chance."
He glanced at Aglaya, who was listening with a look of hatred37 on her face.
"If you came without knowing why, I suppose you love her very much indeed!" she said at last.
"No," said the prince, "no, I do not love her. Oh! if you only knew with what horror I recall the time I spent with her!"
A shudder38 seemed to sweep over his whole body at the recollection.
"Tell me about it," said Aglaya.
"There is nothing which you might not hear. Why I should wish to tell you, and only you, this experience of mine, I really cannot say; perhaps it really is because I love you very much. This unhappy woman is persuaded that she is the most hopeless, fallen creature in the world. Oh, do not condemn39 her! Do not cast stones at her! She has suffered too much already in the consciousness of her own undeserved shame.
"And she is not guilty--oh God!--Every moment she bemoans41 and bewails herself, and cries out that she does not admit any guilt40, that she is the victim of circumstances--the victim of a wicked libertine42.
"But whatever she may say, remember that she does not believe it herself,--remember that she will believe nothing but that she is a guilty creature.
"When I tried to rid her soul of this gloomy fallacy, she suffered so terribly that my heart will never be quite at peace so long as I can remember that dreadful time!--Do you know why she left me? Simply to prove to me what is not true--that she is base. But the worst of it is, she did not realize herself that that was all she wanted to prove by her departure! She went away in response to some inner prompting to do something disgraceful, in order that she might say to herself--'There--you've done a new act of shame--you degraded creature!'
"Oh, Aglaya--perhaps you cannot understand all this. Try to realize that in the perpetual admission of guilt she probably finds some dreadful unnatural43 satisfaction--as though she were revenging herself upon someone.
"Now and then I was able to persuade her almost to see light around her again; but she would soon fall, once more, into her old tormenting44 delusions45, and would go so far as to reproach me for placing myself on a pedestal above her (I never had an idea of such a thing!), and informed me, in reply to my proposal of marriage, that she 'did not want condescending46 sympathy or help from anybody.' You saw her last night. You don't suppose she can be happy among such people as those--you cannot suppose that such society is fit for her? You have no idea how well-educated she is, and what an intellect she has! She astonished me sometimes."
"And you preached her sermons there, did you?"
"Oh no," continued the prince thoughtfully, not noticing Aglaya's mocking tone, "I was almost always silent there. I often wished to speak, but I really did not know what to say. In some cases it is best to say nothing, I think. I loved her, yes, I loved her very much indeed; but afterwards--afterwards she guessed all."
"What did she guess?"
"That I only PITIED her--and--and loved her no longer!"
"How do you know that? How do you know that she is not really in love with that--that rich cad--the man she eloped with?"
"Oh no! I know she only laughs at him; she has made a fool of him all along."
"Has she never laughed at you?"
"No--in anger, perhaps. Oh yes! she reproached me dreadfully in anger; and suffered herself, too! But afterwards--oh! don't remind me--don't remind me of that!"
He hid his face in his hands.
"Are you aware that she writes to me almost every day?"
"So that is true, is it?" cried the prince, greatly agitated47. "I had heard a report of it, but would not believe it."
"Whom did you hear it from?" asked Aglaya, alarmed. "Rogojin said something about it yesterday, but nothing definite."
"Yesterday! Morning or evening? Before the music or after?"
"After--it was about twelve o'clock."
"Ah! Well, if it was Rogojin--but do you know what she writes to me about?"
"I should not be surprised by anything. She is mad!"
"There are the letters." (Aglaya took three letters out of her pocket and threw them down before the prince.) "For a whole week she has been entreating48 and worrying and persuading me to marry you. She--well, she is clever, though she may be mad--much cleverer than I am, as you say. Well, she writes that she is in love with me herself, and tries to see me every day, if only from a distance. She writes that you love me, and that she has long known it and seen it, and that you and she talked about me-- there. She wishes to see you happy, and she says that she is certain only I can ensure you the happiness you deserve. She writes such strange, wild letters--I haven't shown them to anyone. Now, do you know what all this means? Can you guess anything?"
"It is madness--it is merely another proof of her insanity50!" said the prince, and his lips trembled.
"You are crying, aren't you?"
"No, Aglaya. No, I'm not crying." The prince looked at her.
"Well, what am I to do? What do you advise me? I cannot go on receiving these letters, you know."
"Oh, let her alone, I entreat49 you!" cried the prince. What can you do in this dark, gloomy mystery? Let her alone, and I'll use all my power to prevent her writing you any more letters."
"If so, you are a heartless man!" cried Aglaya. As if you can't see that it is not myself she loves, but you, you, and only you! Surely you have not remarked everything else in her, and only not THIS? Do you know what these letters mean? They mean jealousy51, sir--nothing but pure jealousy! She--do you think she will ever really marry this Rogojin, as she says here she will? She would take her own life the day after you and I were married."
The prince shuddered52; his heart seemed to freeze within him. He gazed at Aglaya in wonderment; it was difficult for him to realize that this child was also a woman.
"God knows, Aglaya, that to restore her peace of mind and make her happy I would willingly give up my life. But I cannot love her, and she knows that."
"Oh, make a sacrifice of yourself! That sort of thing becomes you well, you know. Why not do it? And don't call me 'Aglaya'; you have done it several times lately. You are bound, it is your DUTY to 'raise' her; you must go off somewhere again to soothe53 and pacify54 her. Why, you love her, you know!"
"I cannot sacrifice myself so, though I admit I did wish to do so once. Who knows, perhaps I still wish to! But I know for CERTAIN, that if she married me it would be her ruin; I know this and therefore I leave her alone. I ought to go to see her today; now I shall probably not go. She is proud, she would never forgive me the nature of the love I bear her, and we should both be ruined. This may be unnatural, I don't know; but everything seems unnatural. You say she loves me, as if this were LOVE! As if she could love ME, after what I have been through! No, no, it is not love."
"How pale you have grown!" cried Aglaya in alarm.
Oh, it's nothing. I haven't slept, that's all, and I'm rather tired. I--we certainly did talk about you, Aglaya."
"Oh, indeed, it is true then! YOU COULD ACTUALLY TALK ABOUT ME WITH HER; and--and how could you have been fond of me when you had only seen me once?"
"I don't know. Perhaps it was that I seemed to come upon light in the midst of my gloom. I told you the truth when I said I did not know why I thought of you before all others. Of course it was all a sort of dream, a dream amidst the horrors of reality. Afterwards I began to work. I did not intend to come back here for two or three years--"
"Then you came for her sake?" Aglaya's voice trembled.
"Yes, I came for her sake."
There was a moment or two of gloomy silence. Aglaya rose from her seat.
"If you say," she began in shaky tones, "if you say that this woman of yours is mad--at all events I have nothing to do with her insane fancies. Kindly55 take these three letters, Lef Nicolaievitch, and throw them back to her, from me. And if she dares," cried Aglaya suddenly, much louder than before, "if she dares so much as write me one word again, tell her I shall tell my father, and that she shall be taken to a lunatic asylum56."
The prince jumped up in alarm at Aglaya's sudden wrath, and a mist seemed to come before his eyes.
"You cannot really feel like that! You don't mean what you say. It is not true," he murmured.
"It IS true, it IS true," cried Aglaya, almost beside herself with rage.
"What's true? What's all this? What's true?" said an alarmed voice just beside them.
Before them stood Lizabetha Prokofievna.
"Why, it's true that I am going to marry Gavrila Ardalionovitch, that I love him and intend to elope with him tomorrow," cried Aglaya, turning upon her mother. "Do you hear? Is your curiosity satisfied? Are you pleased with what you have heard?"
Aglaya rushed away homewards with these words.
"H'm! well, YOU are not going away just yet, my friend, at all events," said Lizabetha, stopping the prince. "Kindly step home with me, and let me have a little explanation of the mystery. Nice goings on, these! I haven't slept a wink all night as it is."
The prince followed her.
她笑着，但她也很气愤。
“睡着了！您睡着了！”她带着轻蔑而又惊讶的口吻嚷着。
“是您！”公爵喃喃着，他还没有完全清醒，一边惊诧地认着她，“啊，对了！这是约好的……我在这儿睡着了。”
“我看见了。”
“除了您，没有人叫醒我吗、除了您，这里没有人来过吗？我以为，还会有……另一个女人来过……，’
“这里是有另一个女人来过……”
最后，他完全清醒了。
“这只是个梦，”他若有所思地说，“奇怪的是，在这种时刻做这样的梦。请坐。”
他握着她的手，让她坐到长椅上；自己则坐到她旁边，陷入了沉思。阿格拉娅并不忙讲话，而只是专注地打量着自己的谈话对方。他也望着她，像有时仿佛根本没有见到她在自己面前。她开始脸红了。
“啊，对了！”公爵颤粟了一下，说，“伊波利特开枪自杀了！”
“什么时候？在您那里吗？”她问着，但是并没显得大大的惊异，，‘昨天晚上他不是好像还活着的吗？发生所有这一切事后，您怎么还能在这睡觉？”她突然振奋起来，高声说。
“要知道他没有死，枪没有打响。”
在阿格拉娅的坚持下，公爵只得立即而且甚至为她详细地叙述了昨夜发生事情的全部经过。她不时地催促他快讲下去，可自己又不断地提问打断他，提的几乎全是无关紧要的问题。顺便说一句，她怀着极大的好奇听完公爵转述叶甫盖尼·帕夫洛维奇说了些什么，有好几次甚至重问了什么。
“好了，够了，应该快点，”她听完了一切，最后说，“我们在这里一共只有一个小时时间，到８点钟为止，因为８点钟时我一定必须得在家里，免得他们知道我曾经在这里，而我是有事才来的，我有许多事需要告诉您。只不过现在您全把我搞糊涂了。关于伊波利特的事，我想，他的手枪就会是打不响的，这比较符合他这个人的情况。但是您深信他肯定想自杀，这里没有欺骗，是吗？”
“没有任何欺骗。”
“这也有可能。他在《解释》里是写了，要您把他的‘自白”带来给我吗？您又为什么不带来呢？”
“他不是没有死吗？我以后问他要。”
“一定要带来，没必要间他要。这一定会使他感到很愉快，因为他也许正是带了这样的目的才朝自己开枪的，要我以后读他的‘自白’。请您别笑话我这些话，别夫·尼古拉那维奇，因为很可能是这么一回事。”
“我不会笑话的，因为我自己也深信，在某种程度上很可能是这样的。”
“您也深信？难道您也这么想？”阿格拉娅突然惊诧得不得了。
她问得很快，说得也很急，但有时似乎离题，常常没有把话说完；她还不时地急于提出什么警告；总之她异常忐忑不安，尽管她看人的时候很大胆，还含着某种挑衅的意味，但也许实际上是有点心虚的。她身上穿的是最普通的家常连衣裙，这跟她很相称。她常常打颤，脸色绯红，坐在长椅边上。公爵也确认伊波利特开枪自杀是为了使她读他的“自白”，这使她非常惊讶。
“当然，”公爵解释说，“他是想，除您以外，我们大家都称赞他……”
“怎么称赞？”
“也就是，这……怎么对您说呢？这很难说。只不过他一定很想大家围着他并对他说，大家很爱他、尊敬他，大家都竭力劝他要活下去。很可能他最牢记的就是您，因为在这种时刻他还提到您……尽管也许他自己也不知道，他牢记着您。”
“这我就完全不明白了：牢记的是我，却又不知道牢记着我。不过，好像我是能理解的：知道吗，当我还只是个１３岁小姑娘的时候，我自己就曾经有３０次想过要服毒自杀，并打算把这一切写信告诉父母，也曾经想过我躺在棺材里的样子，大家将为我哭泣，并责怪自己对我那么无情……您干吗又笑了？”她皱了皱眉，很快地补了一句说，“当您一个人逻想的时候，您还暗自想过什么？也许，您把自己想像成陆军元帅，并且击溃了拿破仑。”
“嗯，说实话，我是这样想过的，特别是要入睡的时候，”公爵笑起来说，“只不过我击溃的不是拿破仑，而全是奥地利兵。”
“我根本不想跟您开玩笑，列夫·尼古拉那维奇。我自己会去看伊波利特的，请您先向他打个招呼。而从您这方面来说，我认为所有这一切都是很不好的，因为像您这样评判伊波利特，这样剖视和评判一个人的心灵，是很粗暴无礼的。您没有一点温情，只有实话，因而也就不公正。”
公爵思忖起来。
“我觉得，您对我是不公正的，”他说，“因为我并没有认为他这样想有什么不好；何况，也许他根本就没有想过，而仅仅是想……他想最后一次跟人们相会，赢得他们的尊敬和喜爱，这可是很好的感情，只不过不知怎么的结果却不是这样；这里是因为他有病，还有什么其他原因！再说，有些人一切总是有好结果，另一些人则干什么都不像……”
“您这大概是把自己的情况也加进去了吧？”阿格拉娅指出。
“是的，是在说自己，”公爵丝毫没有发觉这一间话中的幸灾乐祸的含意，回答说。
“只不过，我要是处于您的位置，反正无论如何也是睡不着的；看来，您随便往哪儿一呆，马上就能在那儿睡着；这对您来说是很不好的。”
“要知道我整夜没有睡，后来又走来走去的，又曾去了音乐会……”
“什么音乐会？”
“就是昨天演出的地方，后来来到这里，坐下来，想着想着就睡着了。”
“啊，原来是这样的。这就情有可原了……那您为什么要到听音乐的地方去？”
“我不知道，就这么……”
“好，好，以后再说；您老晕打断我，而且您到听音乐的地方去，跟我又有什么相于？您这是梦见了哪个女人？”
“这……是……您没有见过的……”
“我明白了，非常明白。您对她很……您怎么梦见她的？她什么样子？其实，我一点也不想知道。”抛突然懊恼地毫不客气地说，“别打断我……”
她等了一会，似乎是要鼓足勇气或者竭力想驱赶烦恼。
“我把您叫来是为了这么一回事：我想向您提议做我的朋友。您干吗老这样盯着我？”她几乎愤怒地补了一句。
公爵这一刻确实很专注地看着她，因为他发觉她的脸又开始涨红得不了，在这种情况下她越是脸红，好像就越是为此而生自己的气，这甚至在她灼灼发亮的眼睛里也明显地流露出来；通常过一分钟她就已经迁怒于与她话的人，不管对方是否有过错，她就开始跟他争吵起来。她知道自己的古怪和怕难为情，因此通常很少参与交谈，比她的两个姐姐寡言少语，有时甚显得过于沉默。有时候，特别是在这种微妙的场合，必须得开口说话，那她说起来总带着一种不同寻常的高傲，仿佛是有某种挑衅的意味。她总预先就能感觉到什么时候开始或者想开始脸红。
“也许，您不想接受这一提议？”她傲慢地望了一眼公爵。
“哦，不，我想，只是这完全没有必要……也就是说，我怎么也没有想过需要这样提出建议，”公爵窘困地说。
“那么您想到了什么？为了什么我把您叫到这里来呢？您头脑里在想什么？不过，也许您认为我是个小傻瓜，就像家里大家这么认为的一样。”
“我不知道他认为您是傻瓜，我……我不这么认为。”
“您不认为？您很聪明。说得尤其聪明。”
“据我看，您有时候甚至可能很聪明，”公爵继续说，“您刚才突然说了句非常聪明的活。您说出了我对伊波利特的疑虑：‘这里光只有真话，因而就是不公正的’。我记住了这一点并在仔细思量，”
阿格拉娅一下子高兴得脸上泛起红早。所有这些变化在她身上发生得非常坦率，而且非常迅速。公爵也很高兴，甚至望着她，高兴得笑起来。
“听着，”她又开始说，“我等了您很久，为的是对您讲这一切，自您从那里给我写那封信那个时候起我就等了，甚至还要早……昨天您已经从我那听到了一半了：我认为您是最正直最诚实的人，比所有的人都正直和诚实。如果人家说您，说您的头脑……也就是您有时候头脑有病，那么这是不公正的，我是这样认定的并且跟他们争论，因为即使您真的头脑有病（当然，您对此不要生气，我是从最严重的情况来说的），可是您头脑的主要部分是比他们，比所有的人都更聪颖的，这样的头脑他们做梦也想不到，因为有两种头脑：主要的和非主要的。是这样吗？不是这样吗？”
“也许是这样，”公爵勉强说出话来；他的心回得厉害，怦怦跳个不停。
“我就知道，您是能理解的，”她一本正经地继续说，“ω公爵和叶甫盖尼·帕夫雷奇就一点也不理解这两种头脑的说法，亚历山德拉也是，不过您请设想一下：妈妈倒是理解的。”
“您很像叶莉扎维塔·普罗科菲耶夫娜。”
“这怎么会呢？难道是这样吗？”阿格拉娅惊异地说。
“真的；是这样。”
“我感谢您，”她想了一下说，“说我像妈妈，我很高兴。看来，您很尊敬她？”她添了一句，并没有意识到这话问得很幼稚。
“非常非常尊敬，我很高兴，您这样干脆地理解了这一点。”
“我也高兴，因为我发现，有时人家……笑话她。但是请听主要的：我想了很久，最后选择了您。我不想让家里人笑话我；我也不希望人家认为我是个小傻瓜；我也不愿意人家逗弄我……我一下子明白了这一切，就坚决拒绝了叶甫盖尼·帕夫雷奇，因为我不想让人家不断地操心把我嫁出去！我想……我想……嗯，我想从家里逃走，而我之所以选择了您，是希望您能帮助我。”
“从家里逃走！”公爵大声嚷了起来。
“是的，是的，是的，从家里逃走！”她突然喊道，进发出一种异常的愤怒。“我不想，我不愿意在那里永远弄得我脸红。无论是在我家里人面前，还是在ω公爵面前，无论是在叶甫盖尼·帕夫雷奇面前，还是在谁面前，我都不愿意脸红，因此我才选择了您。我想跟您谈论一切，一切，甚至，当我想谈的时候，跟您谈论最主要的事情，从您这方面来说，也不应该对我隐瞒什么。我希望哪怕是有一个人可以什么都谈，就像跟自己谈一样。他们突然开始说，我在等您，我爱您。还在您来以前就这么说了，而我没有把信拿给他们看；而现在大家已经都在这么说了。我想做个勇敢的人，什么都不怕。我不愿意去参加各种舞会，我想做能带来益处的事。我早就想离开了。我被关在他们那里２０年，而且老是要把我嫁出去，还是１４岁的时候我就想逃走，尽管那时还是个傻瓜。现在我已全部盘算过，并且等您来，好向您打听国外的一切情况。我一座哥特式教堂也没有见过，我想去罗马，我想参观所有学者的书房，我想在巴黎学习；最近这一年我做着准备，学习，读了许多书；我读了所有的禁书。亚历山德拉和阿杰莱达可以读所有的书，她们可以，而对我则不是全给读，对我有监督。我不想跟姐姐们争吵，但是我早就向母亲和父亲宣布，我想彻底改变我的社会地位。我决定从事教育工作，我指望着您，因为您说过，您爱孩子们。我们可以一起搞教育，即使不是现在，也可以在将来，怎么样？我们将一起给人们带来益处；我不想做将军的女儿……您说，您是个很有学问的人吗？”
“哦，根本不是。”
“这很遗憾，而我以为……我怎么会这么想的呢？您反正得指导我，因为我选择了您。”
“这很荒唐，阿格拉娅·伊万诺夫娜。”
“我想，我想从家里逃走！”她喊道，她的眼睛又闪闪发亮，“如果您不愿意，那么我就嫁给加夫里拉·阿尔达利翁诺维奇。我不希望家里人把我看作是个令人讨厌的女人或者天晓得为什么指责我。”
“您神经正常吗？”公爵差点从椅子上跳起来，“指责您什么？谁指责您？”
“家里所有的人，母亲，姐姐们，父亲，ω公爵，甚至您那可恶的科利亚。如果他们不是直截了当地说，那么也是这么想的。我当着他们大家的面说这点的，对母亲、对父亲都说了，妈妈因此病了一整天，第二天亚历山德拉和爸爸对我说，我自己也不明白我是在撒谎，也不明白究竟说了什么话。我立即干脆地加以驳斥说，我已经明白了一切，明白了所有讲的话，我已经不是小孩子了，还在两年前我就故意读了保尔·德·科克＊的两本小说，为的是了解一切。妈妈一听说，差点没昏倒。”
公爵突然闪过一个奇怪的念头。他凝神望着阿格拉陋，莞尔一笑。
他甚至不相信，在他面前坐着的竟是那个高傲姑娘，她曾经那么傲慢地给他念加夫里拉·阿尔达利翁诺维奇的信。他不能理解，这么一位目中无人、冷酷无情的美人，竟然会是这么一个孩子，也许，现在真的甚至不对所有的话都理解的孩子。
“您过去一直在家里生活吗，阿格拉娅·伊万诺夫娜？”他问，“我想说，您从来也没有到哪儿去上过什么学校，没有在贵族女子中学念过书？”
“任何时候、任何地方都没有去过，一直在家里呆着，就像把我塞在瓶子里似的，然后直接从瓶子里放出来就嫁人；您干吗又笑了？我发觉，您好像也在嘲笑我，支持他们这一切，”她威严地显露出温色，补了一句，“请别生我气，我本来就不知道我究竟怎么了……我确信，您到这里来满怀着信心，认为我爱上了您，叫您来约会，”她气冲冲地断然说。
＊法国通俗小说家（１７９４一１８７１）。
“昨天我确实曾害怕是这样，”公爵憨厚地说走了嘴（他非常窘困），“但今天我确信，您……”
“什么！”阿格拉娅高声喊了出来，下唇突然问动起来，“您害怕我……您竟敢认为我……天哪！您大概怀疑，我叫您到这儿来是要诱您上圈套，然后让别人在这里撞见我们，迫使您跟我结婚……”
“阿格拉娅·伊万诺夫娜！您怎么不容臊？在您纯洁之暇的心灵中怎么会产生这么肮脏的念头？我敢打赌，您自己也不相信您说的任何一句话……而且您自己也不知道，您说了些什么！”
阿格拉娅坐着，固执地低着头，仿佛自己也为刚才所说的话吓坏了。
一我根本不觉得害臊，”她低声说，“凭什么您知道我的心灵是纯洁无暇的？那时您怎么敢给我寄情书的？”
“情书？我的信是情书！这封信是最恭敬的信，这封信是在我生活中最艰难的时刻内心的流露！我当时想起您就像见到光明一样……我……”
“好了，好，好，”突然她打断他，但完全已经不是刚才那种口气，而是充满了懊悔，几乎吓坏了。她甚至向他俯下身去，依然竭力不照直望着他，想要触摸他的肩膀，为的是更加恳切地请求他不要生气，“好，”她十分不好意思地补充说，“我觉得，刚才我用了非常愚蠢的词语。我这是……为了试试您。您就当作仿佛没有说过这活，如果我得罪了您，那么请原谅。请别直盯着我看，转过脸去吧：您说这是很肮脏的念头：我这是故意说的，为了刺激您。有时候我自己也害怕我想说的话，可还是突然说出来了。您刚才说，您是在生活中最艰难的时刻写这封信的……我知道，这是在什么时候，”她又望着地上，轻轻地说。
“啊，假若您全能知道就好了！”
“我全都知道！”她涌上一阵新的激动，大声嚷道，“那时您跟您与之私奔的这个下流女人在一套房间住了整整一个月……”
她说这话的时候已经不是脸红而是变苍白了。她突然从椅子上站起身，仿佛按捺不住自己，但马上就醒悟过来，又坐下了。她的下唇仍继续久久地哆嗦哼着。沉默延续了约１分钟。公爵被这突如其来的异常举动搞得惊讶得不得了，甚至不道该把它归咎干什么。
“我根本不爱您，”她突然仿佛是斩钉戳铁地说。
公爵没有回答；他们又沉默了约１分钟。
“我爱加夫里拉·阿尔达利翁诺维奇……”她说得很快，但是勉强可闻，同时头则重得更低了。
“这不是真活，”公爵也几乎用低语说。
“这么说，我在撒谎？这是真话；我答应了他，是前天，就在这张长椅上。”
公爵大吃一惊：，有一瞬间陷了沉思之中。
“这不是真活，”他坚决地重复说，“这一切您全是杜撰。”
“可真是谦恭得惊人！您要知道，他已经改正了；他爱我甚于爱自己的生命。他当我面烫了自己的手，仅仅为了表明爱我甚于爱自己的生命。”
“烫了自己的手？”
“是的，自己的手。您相信不相信，对我来说反正无所谓。”
公爵又默不作声。阿格拉娅的话里没有玩笑的意思；她生气了。
“怎么，既然是在这里发生的，他到这里来难道还随身带了蜡烛？不然我难以想象……”。
“是的……带了蜡烛。这有什么不可思议的？”
“是整支蜡烛还是烛台上点剩的？”
“嗯……是的……不是……是半支蜡烛……是蜡烛头……是整支蜡烛，反正一样，您别再纠缠了！……如果您知道。还带了火柴。他点燃了蜡烛，把手指放在蜡烛上整整半个小时；难通这不可能吗？”
“我昨天看见过他；他的手指头好好的。”
阿格拉娅突然笑得跳了起来，完全像个孩子一样。
“知道吗，我为什么现在要撒谎？”忽然她转向公爵，带着最最孩子气的信赖和在唇间颤动的笑声说，“因为当你说谎话的时候，要是巧妙地插进什么不同寻常、怪诞离奇的事情，哈，知道吗，要是什么给人十分强烈印象的事或者甚至根本就没有的事，这样这个谎就变得可信得多。我注意这一点了。只不过我做的不高明，因为我不会……”
忽然她又阴沉起来，似乎醒悟过来了。
“如果当时，”她对公爵说，一边严肃甚至忧郁地望着他，“如果当时我向您念了‘可怜的骑士’的诗，那么我至少是想以此……为一件事赞扬您，但是同时也想为您的行为痛斥您，并让您看看，我全都知道……”
“您对我……对那个您刚才用如此可怕的字眼提到的不幸的女人很不公正，阿格拉娅。”
“因为我全都知道，全知道，所以才用这样的字眼！我知道，半年前，您怎么当着大家的面向她求婚。别打断我，您看到，我说话不加评论。此后她跟罗戈任跑了；接着您和她住在哪个乡间或城市，她又离开您去找什么人了。（阿格拉娅脸红得不得了。）后来她又回到罗戈任那里，他爱她爱得……发疯。最后。您也是个非常聪明的人，刚一知道她回到彼得堡了，立即就跟在她后面赶到这里来了。昨天晚上您挺身保护她，现在又在梦中见到了她……您瞧，我全都知道，您不是为了她，为了她才到这里来的吗？”
“是的，是为了她，”公爵轻轻地回答说。他忧心忡忡、若有所思地低下头，同时他也不怀疑，阿格拉娅正用灼灼闪亮的目光盯着他。“为了她，只是为了知道……我不相信她限罗戈任在一起会有幸福。虽然……总之，我不知道，我在这里能为她做些什么，帮什么忙，但是我来了。”
他颤栗了一下。瞥了一眼阿格拉娅；她则憎恨地听着他说。
“如果您来而不知道来干什么，这就是说您很爱她，”她终于说。
“不，”公爵回答说，“不，我不爱她。啊，您要是知道就好了，每当我回忆起与她一起度过的那些时间，是多么可怕呀！”
在说这些话的时候他全身甚至滚过一阵颤栗。
“您把一切都说出来，”阿格拉娅说。
“这里没有丝毫您不能听的东西。为什么我正是想对您，对您一个人叙述这一切：，--我也不知道；也许，是因为我真的很爱您。这个不幸的女人深深确信，她是世界上最堕落、最淫荡的女人。哦，请别玷辱她，别向她扔石头。因为意识到自己不应蒙受的耻厚，她已经过分地折磨了自己！她有什么罪，哦，我的天哪！哦，她每时每刻都在发狂地呐喊，她不承认自己有罪，她是人们的牺牲品，是淫棍和坏蛋的牺牲品；但是无论她对您说什么，要知道，她首先自己不相信自己，她自己的全部良心都只相信，相反，是她……自己有罪。当我试图驱赶这层阴影时，她竟会那样痛苦，以致我只要记住这段可怕的时光，我心灵的创伤就永远也不会愈合。我的心就像一下子永远被刺穿了一样。她从我这儿逃走，您知道为什么吗？正是仅仅为了向我证明，她是个低贱的女人。但是最可怕的是，她自己也许并不知道，她只想向我证明这一点，她逃走是因为，她内心一定想要做一件可耻的事，为的是马上就对自己说：‘你这下犯了下新的耻辱，因此你是个低贱的东西！，哦，也许您并不理解这一点，阿格拉娅！知道吗，在她这种不断地意识到耻辱的状态中，也许包含着某种可怕的，反常的乐趣，仿佛是对谁的一种报复。有时候我开导她，使她仿佛又看到了自己周围的光明；但是她马上就表示愤慨，甚至到了这种程度：痛苦地指责我，说我把自己临驾于她之上（我连想都没想过这样），最后，对我的求婚直截了当地向我宣布，她不要求任何人给予任何高傲的同情，任何帮助，任何将她‘抬高到与自己同样地位’的做法。您昨天看见她了；难道您认为她跟这伙人在一起感到幸福，这就是她的因子？您不知道，她有多高的悟性，她能理解什么！有时候她甚至使我吃惊！”
“您在那里也给她讲这样的……大道理？”
“哦，不”公爵没有注意到问话的语气，若有所思地继续说，“我几乎一直保持沉默。我常常想说，但是，真的，我又不知道该说什么，知道吗，在有的时侯最后是根本不说话。哦，我是曾经受过她；哦，曾经很爱她……但是后来……后来……后来她全猜到了。”
“猜到什么了？”
“猜到我仅仅是怜悯她，但是我……现在已经不爱她了。”
“为什么您知道，她可能真的爱上了那个……她跟他走的地主？”
“不，我全部知道；她只不过是嘲笑他罢了。”
“那么对您她从来也不取笑吗？”
“不。她出于憎恨而嘲笑过我；哦，当时她义愤填膺，狠狠地责备我，她自己也痛苦！但是……后来……哦，别提了，别跟我提这点了！”
他双手捂住了自己的脸。
“可是您知道吗，她几乎每天都给我写信？”
“这么说，这是真的！”公爵惶惶不安地失声喊了起来，“我听说有这事，但始终不想相信。”
“您从谁那里听说的？”阿格拉娅惊吓得颤抖了一下。
“罗戈任昨天对我说的，只不过说得不大清楚。”
“昨天？昨天上午？昨天什么时候？是在听音乐前还是后？”
“在听音乐后，晚上１１点多。”
“啊，算了，既然是罗戈任……您知道，在这些信里她给我写些什么？”
“我丝毫也不感到惊奇；她是个疯女人。”
“就是这些信（阿格拉娅从口袋里掏出带信封的三封信，将它们扔到公爵面前）。瞧她已经央求、劝说、诱惑我整整一星期了，要我嫁给您。她……是的，虽然是个疯子，但是很聪明，您说得很对，她比我聪明得多……她信中对我说，她爱上了我，每天都寻找机会哪怕是从远处看到我也好。她写道，您爱我，她知道这一点，也早就发现了这一点，在那里您曾跟她谈起过我。她希望看到您幸福，她深信，只有我能构成您的幸福……她写得这么荒唐……怪诞……我没有给任何人看这些信，我等您，您知道，这意味着什么？您一点也猜不到吗？”
“这是精神失常，这是她发疯的证明，”公爵颤抖着明言说。
“您不在哭吧？”
“不，阿格拉娅，不，我没有哭。”公爵看了她一眼。
“这件事我该怎么办？您能给我出主意吗？我总不能老是收到这些信吧！”
“哦，别管她，我求求您！”公爵嚷了起来，“在这种愚昧中您又能做什么？我将尽一切努力，让她不再给您写信。”
“如果是这样，那么您就是个没有良心的人！”阿格拉娅高声嚷道，“难道您没看见，她爱上的不是我，而是您，她爱的只是您！您能觉察她身上的一切心思，难道这一点却没有觉察出来？知道吗，这算什么，这些信意味着什么？这是嫉妒，这比嫉妒更甚！她……您以为，她真的像在这些信里写的一样要嫁给罗戈任？一旦我们结婚，她第二天就会自杀！”
公爵颤栗了一下，他的心跳都屏息了。但是他惊愕地望着阿格拉娅，承认面前这个孩子早已是个女人了，对他来说感到很奇怪。
“上帝可以见到，阿格拉娅，为了使她恢复平并和得到幸福，我愿意献出我的生命，但是……我已经不能爱她了，她也知道这一点！”
“那就牺牲自己，这时您也是非常合适的！因为您就是这么一个大善人嘛。您也别称我阿格拉娅……您刚才就这么光称我阿格拉娅……您应该，您有义务使她得到新生，您应该再带她离开，使她的心平静下来，得到安抚，再说您可是爱她了！”
“我不能这样牺牲自己，虽然我有一次曾经这样想过，而且……也许现在还在想这个问题。但是我确实知道，她跟我在一起非毁了不可，因此我要离开她。今天７点钟我该去见她，现在我也许不去了。她有那样的自尊心，她永远也不会原谅我的爱的，这样我们俩都会完蛋的！这是不自然的，但是这件事上一切都是不自然的。您说，她爱我，但这难道是爱吗？在我已经忍受那一切之后，难道还能有这样的爱情？！不，这是另一回事，而不是爱情！”
“您多苍白呀！”突然阿格拉娅惊呼道。
“没关系，我睡得少，比较虚弱，我……当时我们确实谈论过您，阿格拉娅……”
“这么说这是真的了？您真的会跟她谈论我，而且……而且那时总共才到我家一次，怎么会爱我呢？”
“我不知道怎么会的；我当时混沌蒙昧，我幻想着……也许是幻觉中看到了新的曙光。我不知道对您作为第一个对象是怎么想的。我那时给您写信说我不知道，这是真话。这一切仅仅是幻想，是由于那时可怕的境遇产生的……后来我开始用功学习，本来我是三年也不会到彼得堡来的……”
“这么说，您是为她来的？”
阿格拉娅的声音有些发颤。
“是的，为她。”
双方都陷于阴郁的沉默，过了两分钟，阿格拉娅站起身。
“既然您说，”开始她不太坚定地说，既然您自己相信，这个……您的女人是个疯子，那么她那些疯疯癫癫的古怪念头跟我可毫不相干……列夫·尼古拉伊奇，请您把这三封信拿去。代我扔还给她！如果她，”突然阿格拉娅大声嚷嚷起来，“如果她敢再寄一行字给我，那么请告诉她，我就要向父亲告发，让人把她送进感化院……”
公爵跳了起来，惊恐地望着勃然发怒的阿格拉娅，突然他面前仿佛降落了一层雾幛……
“您不可能有这样的感觉……这不是真话！”他喃喃着说。
“这是真话！是真话！”阿格拉娅几乎失去自制地喊着。
“真话是什么？是什么真话？”在他们身边响起了一个惊恐的声音。
在她们面前站着叶莉扎维塔·普罗科菲耶夫娜。
“真话就是我要嫁给加夫里拉·阿尔达利翁诺维奇！就是我爱加夫里拉·阿尔达利翁诺维奇，并且明天就与他从家里逃走！”阿格拉娅冲着她说，“您听见了吗？您的好奇心满足了吧？您对此满意了吧？”
说完她就跑回家去了。
“不，我的公爵爷，您现在别走，
收听单词发音 |
1
amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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rendezvous
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| n.约会，约会地点，汇合点；vi.汇合，集合；vt.使汇合，使在汇合地点相遇 | |
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musingly
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| adv.沉思地，冥想地 | |
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contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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animated
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| adj.生气勃勃的，活跃的，愉快的 | |
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irrelevant
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| adj.不恰当的，无关系的，不相干的 | |
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considerably
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| adv.极大地；相当大地；在很大程度上 | |
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humbug
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| n.花招，谎话，欺骗 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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defiant
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| adj.无礼的，挑战的 | |
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coffin
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| n.棺材，灵柩 | |
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dozing
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| v.打瞌睡,假寐 n.瞌睡 | |
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irony
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| n.反语，冷嘲；具有讽刺意味的事，嘲弄 | |
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wink
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| n.眨眼，使眼色，瞬间；v.眨眼，使眼色，闪烁 | |
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annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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darted
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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vented
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| 表达，发泄（感情，尤指愤怒）( vent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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haughty
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| adj.傲慢的，高傲的 | |
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defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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haughtily
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| adv. 傲慢地, 高傲地 | |
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neatly
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| adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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triumphantly
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| ad.得意洋洋地；得胜地；成功地 | |
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naiveness
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| 自然； 朴素 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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austere
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| adj.艰苦的；朴素的，朴实无华的；严峻的 | |
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corked
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| adj.带木塞气味的，塞着瓶塞的v.用瓶塞塞住( cork的过去式 ) | |
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remorseful
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| adj.悔恨的 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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persuasively
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| adv.口才好地；令人信服地 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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oblivious
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| adj.易忘的，遗忘的，忘却的，健忘的 | |
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plausible
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| adj.似真实的，似乎有理的，似乎可信的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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condemn
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| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
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40
guilt
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| n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责 | |
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bemoans
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| v.为（某人或某事）抱怨( bemoan的第三人称单数 )；悲悼；为…恸哭；哀叹 | |
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libertine
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| n.淫荡者；adj.放荡的，自由思想的 | |
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unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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44
tormenting
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| 使痛苦的，使苦恼的 | |
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45
delusions
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| n.欺骗( delusion的名词复数 )；谬见；错觉；妄想 | |
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condescending
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| adj.谦逊的,故意屈尊的 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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48
entreating
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| 恳求，乞求( entreat的现在分词 ) | |
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49
entreat
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| v.恳求，恳请 | |
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50
insanity
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| n.疯狂，精神错乱；极端的愚蠢，荒唐 | |
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51
jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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52
shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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53
soothe
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| v.安慰；使平静；使减轻；缓和；奉承 | |
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54
pacify
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| vt.使(某人)平静(或息怒)；抚慰 | |
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55
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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56
asylum
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| n.避难所，庇护所，避难 | |
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