The Tenth Tuesday We Talk About Marriage

I brought a visitor to meet Morrie. My wife.

He had been asking me since the first day I came. "When do I meet Janine?" "When are you bringing her?" I'd always had excuses until a few days earlier, when I called his house to see how he was doing.

It took a while for Morrie to get to the receiver. And when he did, I could hear the fumbling¹ as someone held it to his ear. He could no longer lift a phone by himself. "Hiiiiii," he gasped².

You doing okay, Coach?

I heard him exhale³. "Mitch . . . your coach . . . isn't having such a great day . . .

His sleeping time was getting worse. He needed oxygen almost nightly now, and his coughing spells had become frightening. One cough could last an hour, and he never knew if he'd be able to stop. He always said he would die when the disease got his lungs. I shuddered⁴ when I thought how close death was.

I'll see you on Tuesday, I said. You'll have a better day then.

"Mitch."

Yeah?

"Is your wife there with you?" She was sitting next to me.

"Put her on. I want to hear her voice."

Now, I am married to a woman blessed with far more intuitive kindness than 1. Although she had never met Morrie, she took the phone -I would have shaken my head and whispered, "I'm not here! I'm not here!"-and in a minute, she was connecting with my old professor as if they'd known each other since college. I sensed this, even though all I heard on my end was "Uh-huh . . . Mitch told me . . . oh, thank you . . .

When she hung up, she said, "I'm coming next trip." And that was that.

Now we sat in his office, surrounding him in his recliner. Morrie, by his own admission, was a harmless flirt⁵, and while he often had to stop for coughing, or to use the commode, he seemed to find new reserves of energy with Janine in the room. He looked at photos from our wedding, which Janine had brought along.

"You are from Detroit?" Morrie said. Yes, Janine said.

"I taught in Detroit for one year, in the late forties. I remember a funny story about that."

He stopped to blow his nose. When he fumbled⁶ with the tissue, I held it in place and he blew weakly into it. I squeezed it lightly against his nostrils⁷, then pulled it off, like a mother does to a child in a car seat.

"Thank you, Mitch." He looked at Janine. "My helper, this one is."

Janine smiled.

"Anyhow. My story. There were a bunch of sociologists at the university, and we used to play poker⁸ with other staff members, including this guy who was a surgeon. One night, after the game, he said, 'Morrie, I want to come see you work.' I said fine. So he came to one of my classes and watched me teach.

"After the class was over he said, `All right, now, how would you like to see me work? I have an operation tonight.' I wanted to return the favor, so I said okay.

"He took me up to the hospital. He said, `Scrub down, put on a mask, and get into a gown.' And next thing I knew, I was right next to him at the operating table. There was this woman, the patient, on the table, naked from the waist down. And he took a knife and went zip just like that! Well . . .

Morrie lifted a finger and spun⁹ it around.

" . . . I started to go like this. I'm about to faint. All the blood. Yech. The nurse next to me said, `What's the matter, Doctor?' and I said, `I'm no damn doctor! Get me out of here!' "

We laughed, and Morrie laughed, too, as hard as he could, with his limited breathing. It was the first time in weeks that I could recall him telling a story like this. How strange, I thought, that he nearly fainted once from watching someone else's illness, and now he was so able to endure his own.

Connie knocked on the door and said that Morrie's lunch was ready. It was not the carrot soup and vegetable cakes and Greek pasta I had brought that morning from Bread and Circus. Although I tried to buy the softest of foods now, they were still beyond Morrie's limited strength to chew and swallow. He was eating mostly liquid supplements, with perhaps a bran muffin tossed in until it was mushy and easily digested. Charlotte would puree almost everything in a blender now. He was taking food through a straw. I still shopped every week and walked in with bags to show him, but it was more for the look on his face than anything else. When I opened the refrigerator, I would see an overflow¹⁰ of containers. I guess I was hoping that one day we would go back to eating a real lunch together and I could watch the sloppy¹¹ way in which he talked while chewing, the food spilling happily out of his mouth. This was a foolish hope.

"So . . . Janine," Morrie said. She smiled.

"You are lovely. Give me your hand."

She did.

"Mitch says that you're a professional singer." Yes, Janine said.

"He says you're great."

Oh, she laughed. N0. He just says that.

Morrie raised his eyebrows¹². "Will you sing something for me?"

Now, I have heard people ask this of Janine for almost as long as I have known her. When people find out you sing for a living, they always say, "Sing something for us." Shy about her talent, and a perfectionist about conditions, Janine never did. She would politely decline. Which is what I expected now.

Which is when she began t0 sing:

"The very thought of you

and I forget to do

the little ordinary things that everyone ought to do . . . "

It was a 1930s standard, written by Ray Noble, and Janine sang it sweetly, looking straight at Morrie. I was amazed, once again, at his ability t0 draw emotion from people who otherwise kept it locked away. Morrie closed his eyes to absorb the notes. As my wife's loving voice filled the room, a crescent smile appeared 0n his face. And while his body was stiff as a sandbag, you could almost see him dancing inside it.

"I see your face in every flower,

your eyes in stars above,

it's just the thought of you,

 the very thought of you,

my love . . . "

When she finished, Morrie opened his eyes and tears rolled down his cheeks. In all the years I have listened to my wife sing, I never heard her the way he did at that moment.

Marriage. Almost everyone I knew had a problem with it. Some had problems getting into it, some had problems getting out. My generation seemed t0 struggle with the commitment, as if it were an alligator¹³ from some murky¹⁴ swamp. I had gotten used to attending weddings, congratulating the couple, and feeling only mild surprise when I saw the groom¹⁵ a few years later sitting in a restaurant with a younger woman whom he introduced as a friend. "You know, I'm separated from so-and-so . . ." he would say.

Why do we have such problems? I asked Morrie about this. Having waited seven years before I proposed t0 Janine, I wondered if people my age were being more careful than those who came before us, 0r simply more selfish?

"Well, I feel sorry for your generation," Morrie said. "In this culture, it's so important to find a loving relationship with someone because so much of the culture does not give you that. But the poor kids today, either they're too selfish to take part in a real loving relationship, or they rush into marriage and then six months later, they get divorced. They don't know what they want in a partner. They don't know who they are themselves-so how can they know who they're marrying?"

He sighed. Morrie had counseled so many unhappy lovers in his years as a professor. "It's sad, because a loved one is so important. You realize that, especially when you're in a time like I am, when you're not doing so well. Friends are great, but friends are not going to be here on a night when you're coughing and can't sleep and someone has to sit up all night with you, comfort you, try to be helpful."

Charlotte and Morrie, who met as students, had been married forty-four years. I watched them together now, when she would remind him of his medication, or come in and stroke his neck, or talk about one of their sons. They worked as a team, often needing no more than a silent glance to understand what the other was thinking. Charlotte was a private person, different from Morrie, but I knew how much he respected her, because sometimes when we spoke¹⁶, he would say, "Charlotte might be uncomfortable with me revealing that," and he would end the conversation. It was the only time Morrie held anything back.

"I've learned this much about marriage," he said now. "You get tested. You find out who you are, who the other person is, and how you accommodate or don't."

Is there some kind of rule to know if a marriage is going to work?

Morrie smiled. "Things are not that simple, Mitch." I know.

"Still," he said, "there are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don't respect the other person, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don't know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can't talk openly about what goes on between you, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don't have a common set of values in life, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike.

"And the biggest one of those values, Mitch?"'

Yes?

"Your belief in the importance of your marriage."

He sniffed¹⁷, then closed his eyes for a moment.

"Personally," he sighed, his eyes still closed, "I think marriage is a very important thing to do, and you're missing a hell of a lot if you don't try it."

He ended the subject by quoting the poem he believed in like a prayer: "Love each other or perish."

Okay, question, I say to Morrie. His bony fingers hold his glasses across his chest, which rises and falls with each labored¹⁸ breath.

"What's the question?" lie says.

Remember the Book of Job?

"From the Bible?"

Right. Job is a good mare¹⁹, but God makes him suffer. To test his faith.

"1 remember. "

Takes away everything lie has, his house, his money, his family . . .

"His health."

Makes him sick.

"To test his faith."

Right. To test his faith. So, I'm wondering . . .

"What are you wondering?"

What you think about that?

Morrie coughs violently. His hands quiver as he drops them by his side.

"I think, " he says, smiling, "God overdid²⁰ it. "

 

   我带了一位客人去见莫里。我妻子。
   自从我第一次见到他，他就一直问我，"我什么时候能见詹宁？""你什么时候带她来广我一直在找借口敷衍他，但几天前当我打电话探望他时，我改变了主意。
   等了好一会莫里才接了电话。我听得见有人把电话递到他的耳边，他已经拿不起电话了。
   "你一好，"他喘息着说。
   你怎么样，教练？
   我听见他沉重的呼气声。"米奇……你的教练……不太好……"
   他的睡眠越来越糟，他现在几乎整夜都需要吸氧。阵发性的咳嗽也越来越厉害了，有时，一阵咳嗽会持续一个小时，他从不知道什么时候能停下来。他一直说当疾病侵入他的肺部时他就会死。一想到死神己离他那么近了，我不禁打了个寒颤。
   我星期二来看你，我说。到那天你会好些的。
   "米奇。"
   嗯？
   "你妻子也在吗？"
   她正坐在我的旁边。
   "把电话给她。我想听听她的声音。"
   我娶的是一位非常善良体贴的妻子。虽然她从未见过莫里，她却抓起了话筒--换上我，我一定会摇着头嘘道，"说我不在，说我不在"--不一会，她就和我的老教授聊了起来，那融洽的谈话声就好像他们早在大学里就认识了。我能感觉出这一点，尽管我听见的只是"嗯－嗯……米奇告诉过我……哦，谢谢……"
   她挂上电话后说，"我下星期二去看他。"
   于是就有了这次访问。
   此刻我们坐在他的书房里，围在躺椅的周围。正像他自己承认的那样，莫里是个不怀恶意的调侃高手。尽管他常常要受到咳嗽或上厕所的困扰，但詹宁的到来似乎又为他增添了新的能量。他望着我们带去的结婚照。
   "你是底特律人？"莫里问。
   是的，詹宁说。
   "我在底特律教过一年书，是在四十年代后期。我还记得那时发生的一件趣事。"
   他停下来想擤鼻子。他抖抖嗦嗦地去拿手中纸，我拿起一张放在他鼻孔处，他无力地擤了一下。我轻轻地用纸捏了一把，然后扔掉了脏纸，就像一个母亲对坐在车子里的孩子做的那样。
   "谢谢，米奇。"他望望詹宁。"我的护理工，挺不错的一个。"
   詹宁笑了。
   "好吧，讲讲那件趣事。大学有一帮社会学家，我们经常和其它系的教师玩扑克，他们当中有一个外科教授。一天晚上打完牌他说，'莫里，我想听听你的课。'我说行。于是他去听了我的一堂课。
   "课结束后他说，'怎么样，想不想也来看看我的工作？我今晚有个手术。'作为礼尚往来，我答应了。
   "他把我带到了医院。他对我说，'把手清洗一下，带上口罩，穿上罩衣，'于是我和他并排地站在了手术台旁，手术台上的病人是个妇女，腰部以下脱得光光的。他拿起手术刀就划了下去--就像这样……"
   莫里举起手指划了个弧形。
   "……我当时吓坏了，差点晕过去。到处是血。我身边的护士问，'你怎么啦，医生？'我说'见鬼，我才不是什么医生！让我出去！'"
   我们笑了，莫里也笑了，但笑得很艰难，因为他的呼吸功能很有限。这是这几个星期来他第一次这么说笑。真不可思议，我想，看见别人的疾病曾差点晕倒的他居然能忍受自己如此凶险的顽疾。
   康尼来敲门说莫里的午餐准备好了。午餐不是我那天早上在面包马戏超市买来的胡萝卜汤。蔬菜饼和希腊面食。尽管我挑最容易咀嚼和消化的软食买，可莫里极有限的咀嚼和下咽功能仍对付不了它们。他现在主要吃流质，顶多来一块搅拌成泥状、容易消化的麦麸松饼。几乎所有的食物夏洛特都要做成羹，他用吸管进食。我每个星期仍然去采购，带着食品袋走进房间。但这么做无非是为了博得他的高兴而已，一打开冰箱，我便看见堆得满满的食品。我也许在期待有那么一天，我俩能在一起真正地吃上一顿午餐，我想见到他边嚼食物边说话的样子，嘴角油腻腻的。可这是个愚蠢的期待。
   "那么……詹宁，"莫里说。
   她笑笑。
   "你真可爱。把你的手给我。"
   她伸过手去。
   "米奇说你是个专业歌手，"
   是的，詹宁说。
   "他说你很了不起。"
   哦，她笑了。不，他说说而已。
   莫里眉毛一扬。"你能为我唱首歌吗？"自从我认识詹宁以来，我遇到过不少人对她提出这个要求。人们听说你是专业歌手，都会说，"给我们唱一首。"一半是出于腼腆，而且她又是个很计较场合的完美主义者，所以她从未答应过。她总是很有礼貌地推辞，我想她现在也会这样的。
   但她却唱了：
"一想到你
我便心绪全无
尘世的一切全抛在脑后……"
   这是三十年代的一首流行歌曲，由雷•诺布尔作的词。詹宁望着莫里，非常动人地演唱着。我不由得再次为莫里的能力感到惊讶：他如此善于开启人们心中的感情之闸。莫里闭着眼睛在欣赏，我妻子甜美的歌声盈满了屋子的每一个角落，莫里的脸上绽开了笑容。尽管他的身体僵硬得如同一只沙袋，但你能看见他的心在翩翩起舞。
每一朵鲜花映着你的脸，
每一颗星星闪烁着你的眼神，
这是对你的思念，
一想到你，
亲爱的……
   等她唱完，莫里睁开眼睛，泪水顺着面颊流淌下来。这些年我一直在听妻子的演唱，可从来没有像莫里这么动情过。
   婚姻。几乎所有我认识的人都对婚姻感到困惑。有的不知怎样走进去，有的不知怎样走出来。我们这一代人似乎想挣脱某种义务的束缚，把婚姻视作泥潭中的鳄鱼。我常常出席别人的婚礼，向新婚夫妇贺喜祝福。然而几年以后，当那位新郎与另一位他称作朋友的年轻女子同坐在饭店里时，我只会稍感惊讶而已。"你知道，我已经和某某分居了……"他会对你如是说。
   我们为什么会遇到难题？我问了莫里。当我等了七年后才向詹宁求婚时，我暗自在想，是不是我们这一代人要比我们的前辈更加谨慎，或者更加自私？
   "咳，我为你们这一代人感到遗憾，"莫里说。"在这个社会，人与人之间产生一种爱的关系是十分重要的，因为我们文化中的很大一部分并没有给予你这种东西。可是现在这些可怜的年轻人，要么过于自私而无法和别人建立真诚的恋爱关系，要么轻率地走进婚姻殿堂，然后六个月后又匆匆地逃了出来。他们并不清楚要从伴侣那儿得到什么。他们连自己也无法认清--又如何去认识他们要嫁娶的人呢？
   他叹了口气。莫里当教授的那会儿曾接受过许多不幸恋人的咨询。"这很令人悲哀，因为一个爱人对你的生活是非常重要的。你会意识到这一点，尤其当你处于我的境地时。朋友对你也很重要，但当你咳得无法入睡，得有人整夜坐着陪伴你、安慰你、帮助你时，朋友就无能为力了。"
   在学校里相识的夏洛特和莫里结婚已有四十四年了。我在观察他们在一起的生活：她提醒他吃药，进来按摩一下他的颈部，或和他谈论他们的儿子。他们像一个队里的队员，彼此只需一个眼神就能心领神会。夏洛特和莫里不同，她性格比较内向，但我知道莫里非常尊重她。我们谈话时他常常说，"夏洛特要是知道我在谈论这事会不高兴的，"于是便结束了这个话题。这是莫里唯一克制自己情感世界的时候。
   "我对婚姻有这样一个体会，"他对我说。"你通过婚姻可以得到检验。你认识了自己，也认识了对方，知道了你们彼此是否合得来。"
   有没有一条标准可以用来衡量婚姻的成功与否？
   莫里笑了。"事情没有那么简单的，米奇。"
   我知道。
   "不过，"他说，"爱情和婚姻还是有章可循的：如果你不尊重对方，你们的关系就会有麻烦；如果你不懂怎样妥协，你们的关系就会有麻烦；如果你们彼此不能开诚布公地交流，你们的关系就会有麻烦；如果你们没有共同的价值观，你们同样会有麻烦。你们必须有相同的价值观。
   "而这一价值观里最重要的，米奇。"
   是什么？
   "你们对婚姻的重要性的信念。"
   他擤了一下鼻子，然后闭上了眼睛。
   "我个人认为，"他叹了口气说，"婚姻是一件很重要的事情，如果你没去尝试，你就会失去很多很多。"
   他用一句诗来结束了这个话题："相爱或者死亡。"他十分虔诚地相信这句箴言。
   好吧，想提一个问题，我对莫里说。他瘦骨嶙峋的手握着胸前的眼镜，随着他费力的呼吸，眼镜一上一下地在起伏。
   "什么问题／他问。
   记得《约伯记》①吗？
   ①基督教《圣经•旧约》中的一卷。
   "《圣经》里的那个？"
   是的。约伯是个好人，可上帝却要他受罪。为了考验他的忠诚。
   "我记得。"
   剥夺了他的一切，他的房子，他的钱，他的家庭
   "还有他的健康。"
   使他病魔缠身。
   "为了考验他的忠诚。"
   是的，为了考验他的忠诚，我在想……
   "想什么？"
   你对此是怎么看的？
   莫里剧烈地咳嗽起来。他手放回身边时抖得很厉害。
   "我想，"他笑笑说，"上帝做得太过分了。"

1 fumbling   

n. 摸索,漏接 v. 摸索,摸弄,笨拙的处理

参考例句：

• If he actually managed to the ball instead of fumbling it with an off-balance shot. 如果他实际上设法拿好球而不是fumbling它。50-balance射击笨拙地和迅速地会开始他的岗位移动，经常这样结束。
• If he actually managed to secure the ball instead of fumbling it awkwardly an off-balance shot. 如果他实际上设法拿好球而不是fumbling它。50-50提议有时。他从off-balance射击笨拙地和迅速地会开始他的岗位移动，经常这样结束。

2 gasped   

v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要

参考例句：

• She gasped at the wonderful view. 如此美景使她惊讶得屏住了呼吸。
• People gasped with admiration at the superb skill of the gymnasts. 体操运动员的高超技艺令人赞叹。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

3 exhale   

v.呼气，散出，吐出，蒸发

参考例句：

• Sweet odours exhale from flowers.花儿散发出花香。
• Wade exhaled a cloud of smoke and coughed.韦德吐出一口烟，然后咳嗽起来。

4 shuddered   

v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动

参考例句：

• He slammed on the brakes and the car shuddered to a halt. 他猛踩刹车，车颤抖着停住了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I shuddered at the sight of the dead body. 我一看见那尸体就战栗。 来自《简明英汉词典》

5 flirt   

v.调情，挑逗，调戏；n.调情者，卖俏者

参考例句：

• He used to flirt with every girl he met.过去他总是看到一个姑娘便跟她调情。
• He watched the stranger flirt with his girlfriend and got fighting mad.看着那个陌生人和他女朋友调情，他都要抓狂了。

6 fumbled   

（笨拙地）摸索或处理（某事物）( fumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 乱摸，笨拙地弄； 使落下

参考例句：

• She fumbled in her pocket for a handkerchief. 她在她口袋里胡乱摸找手帕。
• He fumbled about in his pockets for the ticket. 他（瞎）摸着衣兜找票。

7 nostrils   

鼻孔( nostril的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Her nostrils flared with anger. 她气得两个鼻孔都鼓了起来。
• The horse dilated its nostrils. 马张大鼻孔。

8 poker   

n.扑克；vt.烙制

参考例句：

• He was cleared out in the poker game.他打扑克牌，把钱都输光了。
• I'm old enough to play poker and do something with it.我打扑克是老手了，可以玩些花样。

9 spun   

v.纺，杜撰，急转身

参考例句：

• His grandmother spun him a yarn at the fire.他奶奶在火炉边给他讲故事。
• Her skilful fingers spun the wool out to a fine thread.她那灵巧的手指把羊毛纺成了细毛线。

10 overflow   

v.(使)外溢，(使)溢出；溢出，流出，漫出

参考例句：

• The overflow from the bath ran on to the floor.浴缸里的水溢到了地板上。
• After a long period of rain,the river may overflow its banks.长时间的下雨天后，河水可能溢出岸来。

11 sloppy   

adj.邋遢的，不整洁的

参考例句：

• If you do such sloppy work again,I promise I'll fail you.要是下次作业你再马马虎虎，我话说在头里，可要给你打不及格了。
• Mother constantly picked at him for being sloppy.母亲不断地批评他懒散。

12 eyebrows   

眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Eyebrows stop sweat from coming down into the eyes. 眉毛挡住汗水使其不能流进眼睛。
• His eyebrows project noticeably. 他的眉毛特别突出。

13 alligator   

n.短吻鳄(一种鳄鱼)

参考例句：

• She wandered off to play with her toy alligator.她开始玩鳄鱼玩具。
• Alligator skin is five times more costlier than leather.鳄鱼皮比通常的皮革要贵5倍。

14 murky   

adj.黑暗的，朦胧的；adv.阴暗地，混浊地；n.阴暗；昏暗

参考例句：

• She threw it into the river's murky depths.她把它扔进了混浊的河水深处。
• She had a decidedly murky past.她的历史背景令人捉摸不透。

15 groom   

vt.给（马、狗等）梳毛，照料，使...整洁

参考例句：

• His father was a groom.他父亲曾是个马夫。
• George was already being groomed for the top job.为承担这份高级工作，乔治已在接受专门的培训。

16 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

17 sniffed   

v.以鼻吸气，嗅，闻( sniff的过去式和过去分词 )；抽鼻子（尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气）；抱怨，不以为然地说

参考例句：

• When Jenney had stopped crying she sniffed and dried her eyes. 珍妮停止了哭泣，吸了吸鼻子，擦干了眼泪。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The dog sniffed suspiciously at the stranger. 狗疑惑地嗅着那个陌生人。 来自《简明英汉词典》

18 labored   

adj.吃力的，谨慎的v.努力争取(for)( labor的过去式和过去分词 )；苦干；详细分析；（指引擎）缓慢而困难地运转

参考例句：

• I was close enough to the elk to hear its labored breathing. 我离那头麋鹿非常近，能听见它吃力的呼吸声。 来自辞典例句
• They have labored to complete the job. 他们努力完成这一工作。 来自辞典例句

19 mare   

n.母马，母驴

参考例句：

• The mare has just thrown a foal in the stable.那匹母马刚刚在马厩里产下了一只小马驹。
• The mare foundered under the heavy load and collapsed in the road.那母马因负载过重而倒在路上。

20 overdid   

v.做得过分( overdo的过去式 )；太夸张；把…煮得太久；（工作等）过度

参考例句：

• We overdid the meat and it didn't taste good. 我们把肉煮得太久，结果味道不好了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He overdid and became extremely tired. 他用力过猛，感到筋疲力尽。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》