I spare my readers the account of my delight on coming home, my happiness while there--enjoying a brief space of rest and liberty in that dear, familiar place, among the loving and the loved--and my sorrow on being obliged to bid them, once more, a long adieu.
I returned, however, with unabated vigour1 to my work--a more arduous2 task than anyone can imagine, who has not felt something like the misery3 of being charged with the care and direction of a set of mischievous4, turbulent rebels, whom his utmost exertions5 cannot bind6 to their duty; while, at the same time, he is responsible for their conduct to a higher power, who exacts from him what cannot be achieved without the aid of the superior's more potent7 authority; which, either from indolence, or the fear of becoming unpopular with the said rebellious8 gang, the latter refuses to give. I can conceive few situations more harassing9 than that wherein, however you may long for success, however you may labour to fulfil your duty, your efforts are baffled and set at nought10 by those beneath you, and unjustly censured11 and misjudged by those above.
I have not enumerated12 half the vexatious propensities14 of my pupils, or half the troubles resulting from my heavy responsibilities, for fear of trespassing15 too much upon the reader's patience; as, perhaps, I have already done; but my design in writing the few last pages was not to amuse, but to benefit those whom it might concern; he that has no interest in such matters will doubtless have skipped them over with a cursory16 glance, and, perhaps, a malediction17 against the prolixity18 of the writer; but if a parent has, therefrom, gathered any useful hint, or an unfortunate governess received thereby19 the slightest benefit, I am well rewarded for my pains.
To avoid trouble and confusion, I have taken my pupils one by one, and discussed their various qualities; but this can give no adequate idea of being worried by the whole three together; when, as was often the case, all were determined20 to 'be naughty, and to tease Miss Grey, and put her in a passion.'
Sometimes, on such occasions, the thought has suddenly occurred to me--'If they could see me now!' meaning, of course, my friends at home; and the idea of how they would pity me has made me pity myself--so greatly that I have had the utmost difficulty to restrain my tears: but I have restrained them, till my little tormentors were gone to dessert, or cleared off to bed (my only prospects21 of deliverance), and then, in all the bliss22 of solitude23, I have given myself up to the luxury of an unrestricted burst of weeping. But this was a weakness I did not often indulge: my employments were too numerous, my leisure moments too precious, to admit of much time being given to fruitless lamentations.
I particularly remember one wild, snowy afternoon, soon after my return in January: the children had all come up from dinner, loudly declaring that they meant 'to be naughty;' and they had well kept their resolution, though I had talked myself hoarse24, and wearied every muscle in my throat, in the vain attempt to reason them out of it. I had got Tom pinned up in a corner, whence, I told him, he should not escape till he had done his appointed task. Meantime, Fanny had possessed25 herself of my work-bag, and was rifling its contents--and spitting into it besides. I told her to let it alone, but to no purpose, of course. 'Burn it, Fanny!' cried Tom: and THIS command she hastened to obey. I sprang to snatch it from the fire, and Tom darted26 to the door. 'Mary Ann, throw her desk out of the window!' cried he: and my precious desk, containing my letters and papers, my small amount of cash, and all my valuables, was about to be precipitated27 from the three-storey window. I flew to rescue it. Meanwhile Tom had left the room, and was rushing down the stairs, followed by Fanny. Having secured my desk, I ran to catch them, and Mary Ann came scampering28 after. All three escaped me, and ran out of the house into the garden, where they plunged29 about in the snow, shouting and screaming in exultant30 glee.
What must I do? If I followed them, I should probably be unable to capture one, and only drive them farther away; if I did not, how was I to get them in? And what would their parents think of me, if they saw or heard the children rioting, hatless, bonnetless, gloveless, and bootless, in the deep soft snow? While I stood in this perplexity, just without the door, trying, by grim looks and angry words, to awe31 them into subjection, I heard a voice behind me, in harshly piercing tones, exclaiming, -
'Miss Grey! Is it possible? What, in the devil's name, can you be thinking about?'
'I can't get them in, sir,' said I, turning round, and beholding32 Mr. Bloomfield, with his hair on end, and his pale blue eyes bolting from their sockets33.
'But I INSIST upon their being got in!' cried he, approaching nearer, and looking perfectly34 ferocious35.
'Then, sir, you must call them yourself, if you please, for they won't listen to me,' I replied, stepping back.
'Come in with you, you filthy36 brats38; or I'll horsewhip you every one!' roared he; and the children instantly obeyed. 'There, you see!--they come at the first word!'
'Yes, when YOU speak.'
'And it's very strange, that when you've the care of 'em you've no better control over 'em than that!--Now, there they are--gone upstairs with their nasty snowy feet! Do go after 'em and see them made decent, for heaven's sake!'
That gentleman's mother was then staying in the house; and, as I ascended39 the stairs and passed the drawing-room door, I had the satisfaction of hearing the old lady declaiming aloud to her daughter-in-law to this effect (for I could only distinguish the most emphatic40 words) -
'Gracious heavens!--never in all my life--!--get their death as sure as--! Do you think, my dear, she's a PROPER PERSON? Take my word for it--'
I heard no more; but that sufficed.
The senior Mrs. Bloomfield had been very attentive41 and civil to me; and till now I had thought her a nice, kind-hearted, chatty old body. She would often come to me and talk in a confidential42 strain; nodding and shaking her head, and gesticulating with hands and eyes, as a certain class of old ladies are won't to do; though I never knew one that carried the peculiarity43 to so great an extent. She would even sympathise with me for the trouble I had with the children, and express at times, by half sentences, interspersed44 with nods and knowing winks45, her sense of the injudicious conduct of their mamma in so restricting my power, and neglecting to support me with her authority. Such a mode of testifying disapprobation was not much to my taste; and I generally refused to take it in, or understand anything more than was openly spoken; at least, I never went farther than an implied acknowledgment that, if matters were otherwise ordered my task would be a less difficult one, and I should be better able to guide and instruct my charge; but now I must be doubly cautious. Hitherto, though I saw the old lady had her defects (of which one was a proneness46 to proclaim her perfections), I had always been wishful to excuse them, and to give her credit for all the virtues47 she professed48, and even imagine others yet untold49. Kindness, which had been the food of my life through so many years, had lately been so entirely50 denied me, that I welcomed with grateful joy the slightest semblance51 of it. No wonder, then, that my heart warmed to the old lady, and always gladdened at her approach and regretted her departure.
But now, the few words luckily or unluckily heard in passing had wholly revolutionized my ideas respecting her: now I looked upon her as hypocritical and insincere, a flatterer, and a spy upon my words and deeds. Doubtless it would have been my interest still to meet her with the same cheerful smile and tone of respectful cordiality as before; but I could not, if I would: my manner altered with my feelings, and became so cold and shy that she could not fail to notice it. She soon did notice it, and HER manner altered too: the familiar nod was changed to a stiff bow, the gracious smile gave place to a glare of Gorgon52 ferocity; her vivacious53 loquacity54 was entirely transferred from me to 'the darling boy and girls,' whom she flattered and indulged more absurdly than ever their mother had done.
I confess I was somewhat troubled at this change: I feared the consequences of her displeasure, and even made some efforts to recover the ground I had lost--and with better apparent success than I could have anticipated. At one time, I, merely in common civility, asked after her cough; immediately her long visage relaxed into a smile, and she favoured me with a particular history of that and her other infirmities, followed by an account of her pious55 resignation, delivered in the usual emphatic, declamatory style, which no writing can portray56.
'But there's one remedy for all, my dear, and that's resignation' (a toss of the head), 'resignation to the will of heaven!' (an uplifting of the hands and eyes). 'It has always supported me through all my trials, and always will do' (a succession of nods). 'But then, it isn't everybody that can say that' (a shake of the head); 'but I'm one of the pious ones, Miss Grey!' (a very significant nod and toss). 'And, thank heaven, I always was' (another nod), 'and I glory in it!' (an emphatic clasping of the hands and shaking of the head). And with several texts of Scripture57, misquoted or misapplied, and religious exclamations58 so redolent of the ludicrous in the style of delivery and manner of bringing in, if not in the expressions themselves, that I decline repeating them, she withdrew; tossing her large head in high good- humour--with herself at least--and left me hoping that, after all, she was rather weak than wicked.
At her next visit to Wellwood House, I went so far as to say I was glad to see her looking so well. The effect of this was magical: the words, intended as a mark of civility, were received as a flattering compliment; her countenance59 brightened up, and from that moment she became as gracious and benign60 as heart could wish--in outward semblance at least. From what I now saw of her, and what I heard from the children, I know that, in order to gain her cordial friendship, I had but to utter a word of flattery at each convenient opportunity: but this was against my principles; and for lack of this, the capricious old dame61 soon deprived me of her favour again, and I believe did me much secret injury.
She could not greatly influence her daughter-in-law against me, because, between that lady and herself there was a mutual62 dislike-- chiefly shown by her in secret detractions and calumniations; by the other, in an excess of frigid63 formality in her demeanour; and no fawning64 flattery of the elder could thaw65 away the wall of ice which the younger interposed between them. But with her son, the old lady had better success: he would listen to all she had to say, provided she could soothe66 his fretful temper, and refrain from irritating him by her own asperities67; and I have reason to believe that she considerably68 strengthened his prejudice against me. She would tell him that I shamefully69 neglected the children, and even his wife did not attend to them as she ought; and that he must look after them himself, or they would all go to ruin.
Thus urged, he would frequently give himself the trouble of watching them from the windows during their play; at times, he would follow them through the grounds, and too often came suddenly upon them while they were dabbling70 in the forbidden well, talking to the coachman in the stables, or revelling71 in the filth37 of the farm-yard--and I, meanwhile, wearily standing72, by, having previously73 exhausted74 my energy in vain attempts to get them away. Often, too, he would unexpectedly pop his head into the schoolroom while the young people were at meals, and find them spilling their milk over the table and themselves, plunging75 their fingers into their own or each other's mugs, or quarrelling over their victuals76 like a set of tiger's cubs77. If I were quiet at the moment, I was conniving78 at their disorderly conduct; if (as was frequently the case) I happened to be exalting79 my voice to enforce order, I was using undue80 violence, and setting the girls a bad example by such ungentleness of tone and language.
I remember one afternoon in spring, when, owing to the rain, they could not go out; but, by some amazing good fortune, they had all finished their lessons, and yet abstained81 from running down to tease their parents--a trick that annoyed me greatly, but which, on rainy days, I seldom could prevent their doing; because, below, they found novelty and amusement--especially when visitors were in the house; and their mother, though she bid me keep them in the schoolroom, would never chide82 them for leaving it, or trouble herself to send them back. But this day they appeared satisfied with, their present abode83, and what is more wonderful still, seemed disposed to play together without depending on me for amusement, and without quarrelling with each other. Their occupation was a somewhat puzzling one: they were all squatted84 together on the floor by the window, over a heap of broken toys and a quantity of birds' eggs--or rather egg-shells, for the contents had luckily been abstracted. These shells they had broken up and were pounding into small fragments, to what end I could not imagine; but so long as they were quiet and not in positive mischief85, I did not care; and, with a feeling of unusual repose86, I sat by the fire, putting the finishing stitches to a frock for Mary Ann's doll; intending, when that was done, to begin a letter to my mother. Suddenly the door opened, and the dingy87 head of Mr. Bloomfield looked in.
'All very quiet here! What are you doing?' said he. 'No harm TO- DAY, at least,' thought I. But he was of a different opinion. Advancing to the window, and seeing the children's occupations, he testily88 exclaimed--'What in the world are you about?'
'We're grinding egg-shells, papa!' cried Tom.
'How DARE you make such a mess, you little devils? Don't you see what confounded work you're making of the carpet?' (the carpet was a plain brown drugget). 'Miss Grey, did you know what they were doing?'
'Yes, sir.'
'You knew it?'
'Yes.'
'You knew it! and you actually sat there and permitted them to go on without a word of reproof89!'
'I didn't think they were doing any harm.'
'Any harm! Why, look there! Just look at that carpet, and see-- was there ever anything like it in a Christian90 house before? No wonder your room is not fit for a pigsty--no wonder your pupils are worse than a litter of pigs!--no wonder--oh! I declare, it puts me quite past my patience' and he departed, shutting the door after him with a bang that made the children laugh.
'It puts me quite past my patience too!' muttered I, getting up; and, seizing the poker91, I dashed it repeatedly into the cinders92, and stirred them up with unwonted energy; thus easing my irritation93 under pretence94 of mending the fire.
After this, Mr. Bloomfield was continually looking in to see if the schoolroom was in order; and, as the children were continually littering the floor with fragments of toys, sticks, stones, stubble, leaves, and other rubbish, which I could not prevent their bringing, or oblige them to gather up, and which the servants refused to 'clean after them,' I had to spend a considerable portion of my valuable leisure moments on my knees upon the floor, in painsfully reducing things to order. Once I told them that they should not taste their supper till they had picked up everything from the carpet; Fanny might have hers when she had taken up a certain quantity, Mary Ann when she had gathered twice as many, and Tom was to clear away the rest. Wonderful to state, the girls did their part; but Tom was in such a fury that he flew upon the table, scattered95 the bread and milk about the floor, struck his sisters, kicked the coals out of the coal-pan, attempted to overthrow96 the table and chairs, and seemed inclined to make a Douglas-larder of the whole contents of the room: but I seized upon him, and, sending Mary Ann to call her mamma, held him, in spite of kicks, blows, yells, and execrations, till Mrs. Bloomfield made her appearance.
'What is the matter with my boy?' said she.
And when the matter was explained to her, all she did was to send for the nursery-maid to put the room in order, and bring Master Bloomfield his supper.
'There now,' cried Tom, triumphantly97, looking up from his viands98 with his mouth almost too full for speech. 'There now, Miss Grey! you see I've got my supper in spite of you: and I haven't picked up a single thing!'
The only person in the house who had any real sympathy for me was the nurse; for she had suffered like afflictions, though in a smaller degree; as she had not the task of teaching, nor was she so responsible for the conduct of her charge.
'Oh, Miss Grey!' she would say, 'you have some trouble with them childer!'
'I have, indeed, Betty; and I daresay you know what it is.'
'Ay, I do so! But I don't vex13 myself o'er 'em as you do. And then, you see, I hit 'em a slap sometimes: and them little 'uns--I gives 'em a good whipping now and then: there's nothing else will do for 'em, as what they say. Howsoever, I've lost my place for it.'
'Have you, Betty? I heard you were going to leave.'
'Eh, bless you, yes! Missis gave me warning a three wik sin'. She told me afore Christmas how it mud be, if I hit 'em again; but I couldn't hold my hand off 'em at nothing. I know not how YOU do, for Miss Mary Ann's worse by the half nor her sisters!'
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vigour
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| （=vigor）n.智力，体力，精力 | |
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arduous
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| adj.艰苦的，费力的，陡峭的 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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mischievous
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| adj.调皮的，恶作剧的，有害的，伤人的 | |
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exertions
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| n.努力( exertion的名词复数 )；费力；（能力、权力等的）运用；行使 | |
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bind
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| vt.捆，包扎；装订；约束；使凝固；vi.变硬 | |
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potent
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| adj.强有力的，有权势的；有效力的 | |
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rebellious
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| adj.造反的，反抗的，难控制的 | |
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harassing
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| v.侵扰，骚扰( harass的现在分词 )；不断攻击（敌人） | |
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nought
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| n.／adj.无，零 | |
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censured
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| v.指责，非难，谴责( censure的过去式 ) | |
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enumerated
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| v.列举，枚举，数( enumerate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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vex
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| vt.使烦恼，使苦恼 | |
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propensities
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| n.倾向，习性( propensity的名词复数 ) | |
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trespassing
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| [法]非法入侵 | |
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cursory
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| adj.粗略的；草率的；匆促的 | |
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malediction
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| n.诅咒 | |
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prolixity
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| n.冗长，罗嗦 | |
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thereby
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| adv.因此，从而 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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bliss
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| n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福 | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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hoarse
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| adj.嘶哑的，沙哑的 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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darted
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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precipitated
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| v.（突如其来地）使发生( precipitate的过去式和过去分词 )；促成；猛然摔下；使沉淀 | |
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scampering
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| v.蹦蹦跳跳地跑，惊惶奔跑( scamper的现在分词 ) | |
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plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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exultant
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| adj.欢腾的，狂欢的，大喜的 | |
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awe
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| n.敬畏，惊惧；vt.使敬畏，使惊惧 | |
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beholding
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| v.看，注视( behold的现在分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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sockets
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| n.套接字，使应用程序能够读写与收发通讯协定(protocol)与资料的程序( Socket的名词复数 )；孔( socket的名词复数 )；（电器上的）插口；托座；凹穴 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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ferocious
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| adj.凶猛的，残暴的，极度的，十分强烈的 | |
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filthy
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| adj.卑劣的；恶劣的，肮脏的 | |
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filth
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| n.肮脏，污物，污秽；淫猥 | |
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brats
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| n.调皮捣蛋的孩子( brat的名词复数 ) | |
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ascended
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| v.上升，攀登( ascend的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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emphatic
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| adj.强调的，着重的；无可置疑的，明显的 | |
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attentive
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| adj.注意的，专心的；关心(别人)的，殷勤的 | |
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confidential
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| adj.秘（机）密的，表示信任的，担任机密工作的 | |
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peculiarity
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| n.独特性，特色；特殊的东西；怪癖 | |
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interspersed
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| adj.[医]散开的；点缀的v.intersperse的过去式和过去分词 | |
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winks
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| v.使眼色( wink的第三人称单数 )；递眼色（表示友好或高兴等）；（指光）闪烁；闪亮 | |
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proneness
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| n.俯伏，倾向 | |
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virtues
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| 美德( virtue的名词复数 )； 德行； 优点； 长处 | |
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professed
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| 公开声称的，伪称的，已立誓信教的 | |
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untold
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| adj.数不清的，无数的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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semblance
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| n.外貌，外表 | |
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gorgon
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| n.丑陋女人，蛇发女怪 | |
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vivacious
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| adj.活泼的，快活的 | |
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loquacity
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| n.多话，饶舌 | |
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pious
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| adj.虔诚的；道貌岸然的 | |
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portray
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| v.描写，描述；画(人物、景象等) | |
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scripture
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| n.经文，圣书，手稿；Scripture:(常用复数)《圣经》，《圣经》中的一段 | |
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exclamations
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| n.呼喊( exclamation的名词复数 )；感叹；感叹语；感叹词 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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benign
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| adj.善良的，慈祥的；良性的，无危险的 | |
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dame
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| n.女士 | |
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mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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frigid
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| adj.寒冷的，凛冽的；冷淡的；拘禁的 | |
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fawning
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| adj.乞怜的，奉承的v.（尤指狗等）跳过来往人身上蹭以示亲热( fawn的现在分词 )；巴结；讨好 | |
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thaw
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| v.（使）融化，（使）变得友善；n.融化，缓和 | |
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soothe
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| v.安慰；使平静；使减轻；缓和；奉承 | |
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asperities
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| n.粗暴( asperity的名词复数 )；（表面的）粗糙；（环境的）艰苦；严寒的天气 | |
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68
considerably
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| adv.极大地；相当大地；在很大程度上 | |
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69
shamefully
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| 可耻地； 丢脸地； 不体面地； 羞耻地 | |
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70
dabbling
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| v.涉猎( dabble的现在分词 )；涉足；浅尝；少量投资 | |
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71
revelling
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| v.作乐( revel的现在分词 )；狂欢；着迷；陶醉 | |
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72
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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73
previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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74
exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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75
plunging
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| adj.跳进的，突进的v.颠簸( plunge的现在分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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76
victuals
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| n.食物；食品 | |
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77
cubs
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| n.幼小的兽，不懂规矩的年轻人( cub的名词复数 ) | |
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conniving
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| v.密谋 ( connive的现在分词 )；搞阴谋；默许；纵容 | |
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79
exalting
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| a.令人激动的，令人喜悦的 | |
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80
undue
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| adj.过分的；不适当的；未到期的 | |
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81
abstained
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| v.戒（尤指酒），戒除( abstain的过去式和过去分词 )；弃权（不投票） | |
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82
chide
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| v.叱责；谴责 | |
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83
abode
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| n.住处，住所 | |
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84
squatted
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| v.像动物一样蹲下( squat的过去式和过去分词 )；非法擅自占用（土地或房屋）；为获得其所有权；而占用某片公共用地。 | |
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85
mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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86
repose
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| v.(使)休息；n.安息 | |
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87
dingy
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| adj.昏暗的，肮脏的 | |
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88
testily
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| adv. 易怒地, 暴躁地 | |
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89
reproof
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| n.斥责，责备 | |
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90
Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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91
poker
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| n.扑克；vt.烙制 | |
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92
cinders
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| n.煤渣( cinder的名词复数 )；炭渣；煤渣路；煤渣跑道 | |
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93
irritation
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| n.激怒，恼怒，生气 | |
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94
pretence
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| n.假装，作假；借口，口实；虚伪；虚饰 | |
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scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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96
overthrow
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| v.推翻，打倒，颠覆；n.推翻，瓦解，颠覆 | |
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97
triumphantly
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| ad.得意洋洋地；得胜地；成功地 | |
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98
viands
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| n.食品，食物 | |
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