"Yes, show her in," said Grandmamma, settling herself as far back in her arm-chair as possible. The Princess was a woman of about forty-five, small and delicate, with a shrivelled skin and disagreeable, greyish-green eyes, the expression of which contradicted the unnaturally1 suave2 look of the rest of her face. Underneath3 her velvet4 bonnet5, adorned6 with an ostrich7 feather, was visible some reddish hair, while against the unhealthy colour of her skin her eyebrows8 and eyelashes looked even lighter9 and redder that they would other wise have done. Yet, for all that, her animated10 movements, small hands, and peculiarly dry features communicated something aristocratic and energetic to her general appearance. She talked a great deal, and, to judge from her eloquence12, belonged to that class of persons who always speak as though some one were contradicting them, even though no one else may be saying a word. First she would raise her voice, then lower it and then take on a fresh access of vivacity13 as she looked at the persons present, but not participating in the conversation, with an air of endeavouring to draw them into it.
Although the Princess kissed Grandmamma's hand and repeatedly called her "my good Aunt," I could see that Grandmamma did not care much about her, for she kept raising her eyebrows in a peculiar11 way while listening to the Princess's excuses why Prince Michael had been prevented from calling, and congratulating Grandmamma "as he would like so-much to have done." At length, however, she answered the Princess's French with Russian, and with a sharp accentuation of certain words.
"I am much obliged to you for your kindness," she said. "As for Prince Michael's absence, pray do not mention it. He has so much else to do. Besides, what pleasure could he find in coming to see an old woman like me?" Then, without allowing the Princess time to reply, she went on: "How are your children my dear?"
"Well, thank God, Aunt, they grow and do their lessons and play-- particularly my eldest14 one, Etienne, who is so wild that it is almost impossible to keep him in order. Still, he is a clever and promising15 boy. Would you believe it, cousin" this last to Papa, since Grandmamma altogether uninterested in the Princess's children, had turned to us, taken my verses out from beneath the presentation box, and unfolded them again), "would you believe it, but one day not long ago--" and leaning over towards Papa, the Princess related something or other with great vivacity. Then, her tale concluded, she laughed, and, with a questioning look at Papa, went on:
"What a boy, cousin! He ought to have been whipped, but the trick was so spirited and amusing that I let him off." Then the Princess looked at Grandmamma and laughed again.
"Ah! So you WHIP your children, do you" said Grandmamma, with a significant lift of her eyebrows, and laying a peculiar stress on the word "WHIP."
"Alas16, my good Aunt," replied the Princess in a sort of tolerant tone and with another glance at Papa, "I know your views on the subject, but must beg to be allowed to differ with them. However much I have thought over and read and talked about the matter, I have always been forced to come to the conclusion that children must be ruled through FEAR. To make something of a child, you must make it FEAR something. Is it not so, cousin? And what, pray, do children fear so much as a rod?"
As she spoke17 she seemed, to look inquiringly at Woloda and myself, and I confess that I did not feel altogether comfortable.
"Whatever you may say," she went on, "a boy of twelve, or even of fourteen, is still a child and should be whipped as such; but with girls, perhaps, it is another matter."
"How lucky it is that I am not her son!" I thought to myself.
"Oh, very well," said Grandmamma, folding up my verses and replacing them beneath the box (as though, after that exposition of views, the Princess was unworthy of the honour of listening to such a production). "Very well, my dear," she repeated "But please tell me how, in return, you can look for any delicate sensibility from your children?"
Evidently Grandmamma thought this argument unanswerable, for she cut the subject short by adding:
"However, it is a point on which people must follow their own opinions."
The Princess did not choose to reply, but smiled condescendingly, and as though out of indulgence to the strange prejudices of a person whom she only PRETENDED to revere18.
"Oh, by the way, pray introduce me to your young people," she went on presently as she threw us another gracious smile.
Thereupon we rose and stood looking at the Princess, without in the least knowing what we ought to do to show that we were being introduced.
"Kiss the Princess's hand," said Papa.
"Well, I hope you will love your old aunt," she said to Woloda, kissing his hair, "even though we are not near relatives. But I value friendship far more than I do degrees of relationship," she added to Grandmamma, who nevertheless, remained hostile, and replied:
"Eh, my dear? Is that what they think of relationships nowadays?"
"Here is my man of the world," put in Papa, indicating Woloda;
"and here is my poet," he added as I kissed the small, dry hand of the Princess, with a vivid picture in my mind of that same hand holding a rod and applying it vigorously.
"WHICH one is the poet?" asked the Princess.
"This little one," replied Papa, smiling; "the one with the tuft of hair on his top-knot."
"Why need he bother about my tuft?" I thought to myself as I retired19 into a corner. "Is there nothing else for him to talk about?"
I had strange ideas on manly20 beauty. I considered Karl Ivanitch one of the handsomest men in the world, and myself so ugly that I had no need to deceive myself on that point. Therefore any remark on the subject of my exterior21 offended me extremely. I well remember how, one day after luncheon22 (I was then six years of age), the talk fell upon my personal appearance, and how Mamma tried to find good features in my face, and said that I had clever eyes and a charming smile; how, nevertheless, when Papa had examined me, and proved the contrary, she was obliged to confess that I was ugly; and how, when the meal was over and I went to pay her my respects, she said as she patted my cheek;
"You know, Nicolinka, nobody will ever love you for your face alone, so you must try all the more to be a good and clever boy."
Although these words of hers confirmed in me my conviction that I was not handsome, they also confirmed in me an ambition to be just such a boy as she had indicated. Yet I had my moments of despair at my ugliness, for I thought that no human being with such a large nose, such thick lips, and such small grey eyes as mine could ever hope to attain23 happiness on this earth. I used to ask God to perform a miracle by changing me into a beauty, and would have given all that I possessed, or ever hoped to possess, to have a handsome face,
“请进来，”外祖母说，往安乐椅里更坐进些。
公爵夫人是个大约四十五岁的女人，身材矮小，瘦弱干瘪，满脸怨气，一双讨人厌的灰绿色小眼睛，她的眼神和那张动人得不自然的小嘴上的轮廓显然很不协调。在她那顶插着鸵鸟翎的丝绒帽子下面露出淡棕色头发，衬着她那憔悴的脸色，她的眉毛和睫毛的颜色显得更淡，更红了。虽然如此，由于她的雍容大方的举止，她的小手，由于她整个脸盘出奇的消瘦，她的整个外表还是有一种高贵和刚毅的神情。
公爵夫人滔滔不绝地讲着，按照她那爱说话的性格看来，她属于那一类人，这种人说话时总好象有人在反驳他，虽然并没有人说过什么。她有时抬高嗓门，有时又渐渐压低声音，随后又忽然有声有色地讲起来，环顾着在场的、但是没有参加谈话的人，好象极力用这种眼光来派励自己似的。
虽然公爵夫人吻了外祖母的手，不住声地管她叫 ma bonnetante ① ，但是我发现外祖母对她并不满意。外祖母在听她讲为什么米哈伊洛公爵无论如何不能亲自前来给外祖母祝寿，虽然他满心想来的时候，似乎很特别地扬着眉毛；在用俄语回答公爵夫人的法国话时，她特别拉长了声调说：
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①ma bonne tame：法语“我亲爱的姑母”。
“我非常感激您对我的关切，我的亲爱的；至于米哈伊洛公爵没有驾临，那还用说吗？……他总是有事情缠身。本来嘛，陪老太婆坐着又有什么乐趣呢？”
不容公爵夫人反驳她的话，她就又接着说：
“你们的孩子们好吗，我的亲爱的？”
“很好，感谢上帝，ma tante；他们长大了，正在读书，可是非常淘气……特别是艾金，最大的那个。他变成那么一个调皮鬼，简直难以管教；可是他很聪明，un garcon,qui Promet ① 。您可以想像， mon cousin ② ，”她接下去说，只对着我爸爸一个人，因为外祖母对公爵夫人的孩子们丝毫不感兴趣，只想夸耀一下自己的外孙，她小心翼翼地从匣子底下拿出我的诗，打开来。“您想想看mon cous in，他前些天干了什么把戏呀……”
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①un qarcon gui promet：法语“是个前程远大的孩子。”
②mon cousin：法语“表哥”。
于是公爵夫人探过身来，兴致勃勃地对爸爸讲了起来。讲完我没有听清的那个故事，她就大笑起来，带着询问的神情望着爸爸的脸，说：
“什么样的孩子呀，mon cousin？他真该换一顿揍；但是那鬼把戏是那么聪明有趣，我只好饶了他，mon cousin。”
于是公爵夫人把眼光盯在外祖母身上，一言不发，继续微笑着。
“难道你打自己的孩子吗，我亲爱的？”外祖母问，意味深长地扬起眉毛，特别着重打这个字。
“啊，ma bonne tante，”公爵夫人很快地扫了爸爸、眼，就用和善的声调回答说，“我知道您对这事怎么看法，但是在这点上我同您的看法不同。尽管对这问题我曾经在左思右想，。看过好多书，也向人家请教过，但是我的经验使我得出结论，用恐吓来管教孩子是必要的。如果要孩子有出息，就要吓唬他……不是吗，mo ncousin？ie voucdemande un peu ① ，还有比树条更让孩子害怕的东西吗？”
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①je vous demande unpeu：法语“请问”。
说着她用疑问的眼光瞅了瞅我们，老实说，不知怎地，我当时心里很不舒眼。
“随便怎么说，一个十二岁的小子，甚至十四岁的小子，总还是个孩子；至于姑娘们，那就是另外一回事了。”
“幸亏我不是她的儿子。”我暗自思索。
“是的，那好极啦，我的亲爱的，”外祖母说，把我的诗卷起来，放在匣子底下，好象她认为公爵夫人说了这话以后就不配欣赏这样的作品了。“那太好啦，不过请您说说，在这以后，您还怎么能要求您的孩子对您有好感呢？”
外祖母认为这个论证是不容反驳的，为了结束这场谈话，她就补充说
“不过，在这件事上，各有各的看法。”
公爵夫人没有回答，只是宽容地笑了笑，好象以此表示，她原谅她十分尊敬的人所抱的这种怪诞的成见。
“嗅，让我同你们的年青人认识认识吧。”她说，带着温和可亲的微笑望着我们。
我们站起来，凝视着公爵夫人的脸，不知怎么来行这个见面礼。
“吻公爵夫人的手呀。”爸爸说。
“请爱你们的老姑母吧，”她说，吻着沃洛佳的头发。“虽然我是你们的远亲，但是我重视友谊的关系，而不重视远近的程度，”她补充说，主要是对外祖母讲的；但是外祖母还是不满意她，回答说：
“唉，我的亲爱的，难道如今还把这样的亲戚放在眼里吗？”
“我这个孩于会成为善于交际的年青人，”爸爸指着沃洛佳说，“这一个是个诗人，”他补充一句说，这时恰好我在吻公爵夫人的枯干的小手，仿佛历历在目地想象着那只手里的树条，树条下面的凳子，以及诸如此类的东酉。
“哪一个？”公爵夫人问，拉住我的胳臂。
“这个小的，头上竖着一撮毛的。”爸爸喜笑颜开地回答说。
“我那撮毛跟他有什么关系……难道没有别的话讲吗？”我想道，于是向角落走去。
我对于美抱着最奇怪的概念，甚至认为卡尔·伊凡内奇是世界第一美男子；但是我清清楚楚地知道，我长得不好看，这一点我丝毫也没有弄错，因此一提我的外表，我就感到莫大的侮辱。
我记得清清楚楚，有一次吃午饭的时候，那时我六岁，他们议论到我的外表，妈妈极力要在我的脸上找出一些美的地方，说我长着聪明的眼睛，笑起来讨人喜欢，但是，最后还是对爸爸的论证和显然的事实让步，不得不承认我长得难看；后来，当我为了那顿午餐感谢她的时候，她拍拍我的脸蛋说：
“记住，尼古连卡，没有人会因为你的相貌爱你；因此你要努力做个聪明的好孩子。”
这些话不仅使我确信我不是一个美男子，而且也使我相信我一定会做个聪明的好孩子。
虽然如此，我还是时常悲观失望：我想象，一个象我这样长着大鼻子、厚嘴唇和灰色小眼睛的人，在世界上是不会得到幸福的；我请求上帝创造奇迹，使我变成美男子，我情愿牺牲我现有的一切和将来能有的一切，来换取一张好看的面孔。
收听单词发音 |
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unnaturally
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| adv.违反习俗地；不自然地；勉强地；不近人情地 | |
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suave
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| adj.温和的；柔和的；文雅的 | |
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underneath
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| adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面 | |
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velvet
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| n.丝绒，天鹅绒；adj.丝绒制的，柔软的 | |
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bonnet
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| n.无边女帽；童帽 | |
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adorned
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| [计]被修饰的 | |
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ostrich
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| n.鸵鸟 | |
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eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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lighter
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| n.打火机，点火器；驳船；v.用驳船运送；light的比较级 | |
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animated
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| adj.生气勃勃的，活跃的，愉快的 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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eloquence
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| n.雄辩；口才，修辞 | |
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vivacity
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| n.快活，活泼，精神充沛 | |
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eldest
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| adj.最年长的，最年老的 | |
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promising
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| adj.有希望的，有前途的 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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revere
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| vt.尊崇，崇敬，敬畏 | |
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retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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manly
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| adj.有男子气概的；adv.男子般地，果断地 | |
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exterior
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| adj.外部的，外在的；表面的 | |
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luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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attain
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| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
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