"HULLO, Woloda! So we are going to dance to-night," said Seriosha, issuing from the drawing-room and taking out of his pocket a brand new pair of gloves. "I suppose it IS necessary to put on gloves? "
"Goodness! What shall I do? We have no gloves," I thought to myself. "I must go upstairs and search about." Yet though I rummaged1 in every drawer, I only found, in one of them, my green travelling mittens2, and, in another, a single lilac-coloured glove, a thing which could be of no use to me, firstly, because it was very old and dirty, secondly3, because it was much too large for me, and thirdly (and principally), because the middle finger was wanting--Karl having long ago cut it off to wear over a sore nail.
However, I put it on--not without some diffident contemplation of the blank left by the middle finger and of the ink-stained edges round the vacant space.
"If only Natalia Savishna had been here," I reflected, "we should certainly have found some gloves. I can't go downstairs in this condition. Yet, if they ask me why I am not dancing, what am I to say? However, I can't remain here either, or they will be sending upstairs to fetch me. What on earth am I to do?" and I wrung4 my hands.
"What are you up to here?" asked Woloda as he burst into the room. "Go and engage a partner. The dancing will be beginning directly."
"Woloda," I said despairingly, as I showed him my hand with two fingers thrust into a single finger of the dirty glove,
"Woloda, you, never thought of this."
"Of what? " he said impatiently. "Oh, of gloves," he added with a careless glance at my hand. "That's nothing. We can ask Grandmamma what she thinks about it," and without further ado he departed downstairs. I felt a trifle relieved by the coolness with which he had met a situation which seemed to me so grave, and hastened back to the drawing-room, completely forgetful of the unfortunate glove which still adorned5 my left hand.
Cautiously approaching Grandmamma's arm-chair, I asked her in a whisper:
"Grandmamma, what are we to do? We have no gloves."
"What, my love?"
"We have no gloves," I repeated, at the same time bending over towards her and laying both hands on the arm of her chair,
" But what is that? " she cried as she caught hold of my left hand. "Look, my dear! " she continued, turning to Madame Valakhin. "See how smart this young man has made himself to dance with your daughter!"
As Grandmamma persisted in retaining hold of my hand and gazing with a mock air of gravity and interrogation at all around her, curiosity was soon aroused, and a general roar of laughter ensued.
I should have been infuriated at the thought that Seriosha was present to see this, as I scowled6 with embarrassment7 and struggled hard to free my hand, had it not been that somehow Sonetchka's laughter (and she was laughing to such a degree that the tears were standing8 in her eyes and the curls dancing about her lovely face) took away my feeling of humiliation9. I felt that her laughter was not satirical, but only natural and free; so that, as we laughed together and looked at one another, there seemed to begin a kind of sympathy between us. Instead of turning out badly, therefore, the episode of the glove served only to set me at my ease among the dreaded10 circle of guests, and to make me cease to feel oppressed with shyness. The sufferings of shy people proceed only from the doubts which they feel concerning the opinions of their fellows. No sooner are those opinions expressed (whether flattering or the reverse) than the agony disappears.
How lovely Sonetchka looked when she was dancing a quadrille as my vis-a-vis, with, as her partner, the loutish11 Prince Etienne! How charmingly she smiled when, en chaine, she accorded me her hand! How gracefully12 the curls, around her head nodded to the rhythm, and how naively13 she executed the jete assemble with her little feet!
In the fifth figure, when my partner had to leave me for the other side and I, counting the beats, was getting ready to dance my solo, she pursed her lips gravely and looked in another direction; but her fears for me were groundless. Boldly I performed the chasse en avant and chasse en arriere glissade, until, when it came to my turn to move towards her and I, with a comic gesture, showed her the poor glove with its crumpled14 fingers, she laughed heartily15, and seemed to move her tiny feet more enchantingly than ever over the parquetted floor.
How well I remember how we formed the circle, and how, without withdrawing her hand from mine, she scratched her little nose with her glove! All this I can see before me still. Still can I hear the quadrille from "The Maids of the Danube" to which we danced that night.
The second quadrille, I danced with Sonetchka herself; yet when we went to sit down together during the interval16, I felt overcome with shyness and as though I had nothing to say. At last, when my silence had lasted so long that I began to be afraid that she would think me a stupid boy, I decided17 at all hazards to counteract18 such a notion.
"Vous etes une habitante de Moscou?" I began, and, on receiving an affirmative answer, continued. "Et moi, je n'ai encore jamais frequente la capitale" (with a particular emphasis on the word "frequente"). Yet I felt that, brilliant though this introduction might be as evidence of my profound knowledge of the French language, I could not long keep up the conversation in that manner. Our turn for dancing had not yet arrived, and silence again ensued between us. I kept looking anxiously at her in the hope both of discerning what impression I had produced and of her coming to my aid.
"Where did you get that ridiculous glove of yours?" she asked me all of a sudden, and the question afforded me immense satisfaction and relief. I replied that the glove belonged to Karl Ivanitch, and then went on to speak ironically of his appearance, and to describe how comical he looked in his red cap, and how he and his green coat had once fallen plump off a horse into a pond.
The quadrille was soon over. Yet why had I spoken ironically of poor Karl Ivanitch? Should I, forsooth, have sunk in Sonetchka's esteem19 if, on the contrary, I had spoken of him with the love and respect which I undoubtedly20 bore him?
The quadrille ended, Sonetchka said, "Thank you," with as lovely an expression on her face as though I had really conferred, upon her a favour. I was delighted. In fact I hardly knew myself for joy and could not think whence I derived21 such case and confidence and even daring.
"Nothing in the world can abash22 me now," I thought as I wandered carelessly about the salon23. "I am ready for anything."
Just then Seriosha came and requested me to be his vis-a-vis.
"Very well," I said. "I have no partner as yet, but I can soon find one."
Glancing round the salon with a confident eye, I saw that every lady was engaged save one--a tall girl standing near the drawing- room door. Yet a grown-up young man was approaching her-probably for the same purpose as myself! He was but two steps from her, while I was at the further end of the salon. Doing a glissade over the polished floor, I covered the intervening space, and in a brave, firm voice asked the favour of her hand in the quadrille. Smiling with a protecting air, the young lady accorded me her hand, and the tall young man was left without a partner. I felt so conscious of my strength that I paid no attention to his irritation24, though I learnt later that he had asked somebody who the awkward, untidy boy was who, had taken away his lady from him.
“啊,看起来,你们要开舞会呀,”谢辽沙说,一边走出客厅,一边从口袋里掏出一副新羊皮手套。“我得戴上手套。”
“怎么办呢?我们没有手套,”我寻思。“我得到楼上去找一找。”
但是,我虽然翻遍了所有的抽屉,只在一个抽屉里找到了旅行用的绿色无指手套,在另一个抽屉里找到一只对我毫无用处的羊皮手套:第一,因为它非常旧,非常肮脏;其次,因为我戴起来太大,尤其是因为它缺了中指,想必是卡尔·伊凡内奇很早以前把它剪去包扎受伤的手了。但是,我还是戴上这只破手套,聚精会神地察看我那一向染着墨水的中指。
“要是娜达丽雅·萨维会娜在这儿就好了,她那里一定会找到手套的。我不能这样下楼去,因为他们如果问我为什么不跳舞,我可怎么回答呢?可是,我也不能待在这儿,因为他们一定会找我的。我可怎么办呢?”我挥着胳臂说。
“你在这儿做什么?”沃洛佳跑进来说。“去邀请一位小姐吧……就要开始了”
“沃洛佳,”我对他说,给他看看我那从脏手套里露出两个头的手,用濒于绝望的声调说。“沃洛佳,你也没有想到这个吧!”
“想到什么?”他不耐烦地说。“嗅,想到手套呀,”当他看见我的手时,毫不在意地补充说。“不错,我们没有。我们得去问外祖母……看她怎么说,”于是他不加思索,就跑下楼去了。
对待我觉得是那么得重大事件,他的态度是那么沉着,使我放下心来,我连忙跑进客厅,完全忘记了我左手戴着那只难看得要命的手套。
我小心翼翼地走到外祖母的安乐椅跟前,轻轻地拉了她的长袍,低声对她说:
“外婆,我们怎么办呀?我们没有手套!”
“什么,我的宝贝?”
“我们没有手套,”我重复了一遍,把身子凑得越来越近,并且把我的双手搭在安乐椅把手上。
“那末这是什么呢?”她说,突然一把抓住我的左手。“Voyez,ma chere ① ,”她接下去说,转向瓦拉希娜夫人。“Voyez comme cejeune homme s’est fait el egant
pour danser avee votre fille ② ”。
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①“Voyez,ma chere”:法语“您瞧,我的亲爱的。”
②“voyez comme ce jeune nomme s’est fait elegant pour danser ave e votrefille”:法语“看看这个青年人,为了同您的女儿跳舞,打扮得多么漂亮呀。”
外祖母紧紧握住我的手,带着疑问的神情十分严肃地望了望在座的人们,直到所有宾客的好奇心都得到满足,哄堂大笑为止。
要是谢辽沙看见我这样羞愧得双眉紧锁,想把手抽回又抽不回来,我一定会伤心死了,但是在笑得眼泪盈眶的、红晕的面孔周围的发鬈全都摆荡起来的索妮奇卡面前,我却丝毫也不觉得害羞。我明白,她的笑声太响,太自然了,不会含着讽刺的意味;恰.恰相反,我们一同笑着,四目相视的情况,似乎使我和她更加接近了。手套这段插曲,虽然可以成为笑柄,但它却给我带来一个好处,使我在这个我总觉得非常可怕的圈子——客厅的圈子——里很自在;在大厅里,我一点也不觉得得忸怩不安了。
怕羞的人的痛苦,是由于不知道人们对他的看法而产生的;这种看法一旦明确表达出来时(不论是好是坏),痛苦也就消失了。
当索妮奇卡·瓦拉希娜和那个蠢笨的小公爵在我对面跳法国卡德里尔舞时 ① ,她有多么美丽啊!当她在跳chaine的当儿 ② ,把小手伸给我的时候,她笑得多么可爱啊!她头上的棕色鬈发随着音乐的节拍颤动得多么迷人啊!她用小脚跳jete—assem—ble ③ 时,显得多么天真啊!跳到第五种姿势,我的舞伴离开我跑到对面,而我,等着拍子,准备独舞时,索妮奇卡严肃地抿着嘴,望着一边。但是她用不着为我担心:我勇敢地chasse
en avant,chasse enarriere,glissade ④ 。当我跳到她面前时,我顽皮地把露出两个指头的手套给她看看,她哈哈大笑起来,迈动双脚更优美地在镶花地板上小步快速地跳动着。我还记得,”当我们围成圆圈,手拉起手的时候,她低下头,并没有把手从我的手里抽走,就用她的手套擦擦那个小小的鼻子。这一切现在好象历历在目。我好象还听见当时所奏的《多瑙河的少女》中的卡德里尔舞曲,看到在乐声中发生的这一切情景。
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①卡德里尔舞:四个人组成两对来跳的一种舞。
②chaine:法语“连环”(一种跳舞步法)。
③jete-assem-ble:法语“齐步”。
④chasse enavant,chasse en arriere,glissade:法语“向前,向后,侧步”。
第二次卡德里尔舞开始了,索妮奇卡做我的舞伴。坐在她身边,我觉得难为情极了,简直不知道同她谈什么才好。当我沉默过久的时候,我唯恐她把我当作傻瓜,就决定无论如何要使她不要对我产生这种误会。“Vons etes une habitante de M osscou?” ① 。我问她,得到肯定的答复以后,我又接着说:“Et moi,jen’a i encorejamais frequente la capitale” ② ,我特别指望frequente ③ 这个字眼发生效果。然而我觉得,虽然这个开场非常出色,而且充分证明我精通法语,但是我却不能一直这样谈下去。轮到我们跳舞还有一些时间,我们又陷入沉默。我心神不安地望着她,希望知道我给她的是什么印象,而且希望得到她的帮助。“您从哪儿找到一只这么滑稽的手套?’她突如其来地问我;这个问题使这感到很大的兴趣,感到很轻松。我解释说,这只手套是卡尔·伊凡内奇的,并且添枝加叶,甚至带着一点讥笑的口吻谈到卡尔·伊凡内奇本人,说他摘下小红帽时显得多么可笑;他有一次穿着绿大衣跌下马来,正好摔到泥塘里;以及诸如此类的话。卡德里尔舞不知不觉跳完了。这一切都很好;但是我为什么要讥笑卡尔·伊凡内奇呢?要是我怀着实际上对他抱着的敬爱心情向索妮奇卡描绘他一下,难道我就会失去她的好感吗?
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①“vous etes une nabitante de Mos-cou?”:法语“您经常住在莫斯科吗?”
②Et moi,jen’ai encore jamais frequente la capitale:法语“可是我从来还没有访问过首都呢。”
③frequenta:法语“访问”。
跳完了卡德里尔舞,索妮奇卡带着那么可爱的表情对我说了声merci ① ,好象我真的值得她感谢一样。我喜不自胜,得意忘形,自己都不认识自己了:我哪儿来的这份勇气、信心、甚至厚脸皮呢?“什么都不能使我害羞!”我满不在乎地在大厅里走着,思索着。“我准备去干一切!”
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①merci:法语“谢谢”,
谢辽沙邀请我作他的vis—a—vis ① 。“好吧,”我说,“虽然我没有舞伴,我会找到的。”我用果断的眼光朝整个大厅扫视了一番,发现除了站在客厅门口的一个大姑娘而外,所有的姑娘都同人约好了。一个高大的青年朝她走过去,按我的推断,是去邀她跳舞的;他离她只有两步了,而我却在大厅另一头。转瞬之间,我优雅地在镶花地板上滑行着,滑过了我同她之间相隔的距离,并脚行了个敬礼,用坚决的声调邀请她跳一场卡德里尔舞。那个大姑娘,迁就地微微一笑,就把手伸给我,撇下了那个青年没有舞伴。
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①Vis-a一vis:法语“对舞者”。
我那么深刻地意识到自己的力量,以致毫不注意这位青年的懊丧;但是后来我听说,这位青年曾打听,那个从他身旁冲过去,在他眼前抢走舞伴的头发蓬乱的男孩是谁。
1 rummaged | |
翻找,搜寻( rummage的过去式和过去分词 ); 已经海关检查 | |
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2 mittens | |
不分指手套 | |
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3 secondly | |
adv.第二,其次 | |
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4 wrung | |
绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 ); 握紧(尤指别人的手); 把(湿衣服)拧干; 绞掉(水) | |
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5 adorned | |
[计]被修饰的 | |
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6 scowled | |
怒视,生气地皱眉( scowl的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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7 embarrassment | |
n.尴尬;使人为难的人(事物);障碍;窘迫 | |
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8 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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9 humiliation | |
n.羞辱 | |
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10 dreaded | |
adj.令人畏惧的;害怕的v.害怕,恐惧,担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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11 loutish | |
adj.粗鲁的 | |
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12 gracefully | |
ad.大大方方地;优美地 | |
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13 naively | |
adv. 天真地 | |
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14 crumpled | |
adj. 弯扭的, 变皱的 动词crumple的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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15 heartily | |
adv.衷心地,诚恳地,十分,很 | |
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16 interval | |
n.间隔,间距;幕间休息,中场休息 | |
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17 decided | |
adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的 | |
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18 counteract | |
vt.对…起反作用,对抗,抵消 | |
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19 esteem | |
n.尊敬,尊重;vt.尊重,敬重;把…看作 | |
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20 undoubtedly | |
adv.确实地,无疑地 | |
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21 derived | |
vi.起源;由来;衍生;导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 );(从…中)得到获得;源于;(从…中)提取 | |
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22 abash | |
v.使窘迫,使局促不安 | |
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23 salon | |
n.[法]沙龙;客厅;营业性的高级服务室 | |
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24 irritation | |
n.激怒,恼怒,生气 | |
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