At supper the young man whom I have mentioned seated himself beside me at the children's table, and treated me with an amount of attention which would have flattered my self-esteem had I been able, after the occurrence just related, to give a thought to anything beyond my failure in the mazurka. However, the young man seemed determined1 to cheer me up. He jested, called me "old boy," and finally (since none of the elder folks were looking at us) began to help me to wine, first from one bottle and then from another and to force me to drink it off quickly.
By the time (towards the end of supper) that a servant had poured me out a quarter of a glass of champagne2, and the young man had straightway bid him fill it up and urged me to drink the beverage3 off at a draught4, I had begun to feel a grateful warmth diffusing5 itself through my body. I also felt well-disposed towards my kind patron, and began to laugh heartily6 at everything. Suddenly the music of the Grosvater dance struck up, and every one rushed from the table. My friendship with the young man had now outlived its day; so, whereas he joined a group of the older folks, I approached Madame Valakhin hear what she and her daughter had to say to one another.
"Just HALF-an-hour more? " Sonetchka was imploring7 her.
"Impossible, my dearest."
"Yet, only to please me--just this ONCE? " Sonetchka went on persuasively8.
"Well, what if I should be ill to-morrow through all this dissipation?" rejoined her mother, and was incautious enough to smile.
"There! You DO consent, and we CAN stay after all!" exclaimed Sonetchka, jumping for joy.
"What is to be done with such a girl?" said Madame. "Well, run away and dance. See," she added on perceiving myself, "here is a cavalier ready waiting for you."
Sonetchka gave me her hand, and we darted9 off to the salon10, The wine, added to Sonetchka's presence and gaiety, had at once made me forget all about the unfortunate end of the mazurka. I kept executing the most splendid feats11 with my legs--now imitating a horse as he throws out his hoofs12 in the trot13, now stamping like a sheep infuriated at a dog, and all the while laughing regardless of appearances.
Sonetchka also laughed unceasingly, whether we were whirling round in a circle or whether we stood still to watch an old lady whose painful movements with her feet showed the difficulty she had in walking. Finally Sonetchka nearly died of merriment when I jumped half-way to the ceiling in proof of my skill.
As I passed a mirror in Grandmamma's boudoir and glanced at myself I could see that my face was all in a perspiration14 and my hair dishevelled--the top-knot, in particular, being more erect15 than ever. Yet my general appearance looked so happy, healthy, and good-tempered that I felt wholly pleased with myself.
"If I were always as I am now," I thought, "I might yet be able to please people with my looks." Yet as soon as I glanced at my partner's face again, and saw there not only the expression of happiness, health, and good temper which had just pleased me in my own, but also a fresh and enchanting16 beauty besides, I felt dissatisfied with myself again. I understood how silly of me it was to hope to attract the attention of such a wonderful being as Sonetchka. I could not hope for reciprocity--could not even think of it, yet my heart was overflowing17 with happiness. I could not imagine that the feeling of love which was filling my soul so pleasantly could require any happiness still greater, or wish for more than that that happiness should never cease. I felt perfectly18 contented19. My heart beat like that of a dove, with the blood constantly flowing back to it, and I almost wept for joy.
As we passed through the hall and peered into a little dark store-room beneath the staircase I thought: "What bliss20 it would be if I could pass the rest of my life with her in that dark corner, and never let anybody know that we were there!"
"It HAS been a delightful21 evening, hasn't it?" I asked her in a low, tremulous voice. Then I quickened my steps--as much out of fear of what I had said as out of fear of what I had meant to imply.
"Yes, VERY! " she answered, and turned her face to look at me with an expression so kind that I ceased to be afraid. I went on:
"Particularly since supper. Yet if you could only know how I regret" (I had nearly said "how miserable22 I am at") your going, and to think that we shall see each other no more!"
"But why SHOULDN'T we?" she asked, looking gravely at the corner of her pocket-handkerchief, and gliding23 her fingers over a latticed screen which we were passing. "Every Tuesday and Friday I go with Mamma to the Iverskoi Prospect25. I suppose you go for walks too sometimes?"
"Well, certainly I shall ask to go for one next Tuesday, and. if they won't take me I shall go by myself--even without my hat, if necessary. I know the way all right. "
"Do you know what I have just thought of?" she went on. "You know, I call some of the boys who come to see us THOU. Shall you and I call each other THOU too? Wilt26 THOU?" she added, bending her head towards me and looking me straight in the eyes.
At this moment a more lively section of the Grosvater dance began.
"Give me your hand," I said, under the impression that the music and din24 would drown my exact words, but she smilingly replied,
"THY hand, not YOUR hand." Yet the dance was over before I had succeeded in saying THOU, even though I kept conning27 over phrases in which the pronoun could be employed--and employed more than once. All that I wanted was the courage to say it.
"Wilt THOU?" and "THY hand" sounded continually in my ears, and caused in me a kind of intoxication28 I could hear and see nothing but Sonetchka. I watched her mother take her curls, lay them flat behind her ears (thus disclosing portions of her forehead and temples which I had not yet seen), and wrap her up so completely in the green shawl that nothing was left visible but the tip of her nose. Indeed, I could see that, if her little rosy29 fingers had not made a small, opening near her mouth, she would have been unable to breathe. Finally I saw her leave her mother's arm for an instant on the staircase, and turn and nod to us quickly before she disappeared through the doorway30.
Woloda, the Iwins, the young Prince Etienne, and myself were all of us in love with Sonetchka and all of us standing31 on the staircase to follow her with our eyes. To whom in particular she had nodded I do not know, but at the moment I firmly believed it to be myself. In taking leave of the Iwins, I spoke32 quite unconcernedly, and even coldly, to Seriosha before I finally shook hands with him. Though he tried to appear absolutely indifferent, I think that he understood that from that day forth33 he had lost both my affection and his power over me, as well as that he regretted it.
晚饭时，领舞的那个青年坐在我们儿童席上，他对我特别注意，要是我遇到那件倒霉的事以后还能有所感受的话，这一定会使我的自尊心得到很大的满足。但是那个青年好象想方设法要使我快活起来；他逗我，称我好样的，大人们只要不一注意我们，他就从各色各样的瓶子里往我的玻璃杯里斟酒，一定要我喝干。晚餐快结束时，管家从包着餐巾的酒瓶里往我的玻璃杯里只斟了四分之一香摈酒，那个青年坚持要他给我斟满，硬要我一口喝干；我觉得浑身有一股舒服的暖意，对我那快活的保护人特别有好感，不知为什么我哈哈大笑起来。
突然间，大厅里发出《祖父舞曲》的乐声 ① ，于是大家都从餐桌旁站起来。我同那个青年的友谊立刻结束了：他加入成人群里，而我，不敢跟着他，只是怀着好奇心走过去，留神倾听瓦拉希娜夫人和她的女儿在谈什么。
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①《祖父舞曲》：供老年人跳的舞。
“再待半个钟头！”索妮奇卡恳求说。
“真的不行了，我的宝贝！”
“为了我，请求你。”索妮奇卡撒娇说。
“要是我明天病了，莫非你会高兴吗？”瓦拉希娜夫人说着，竟不经心地笑了笑。
“啊，你同意了！我们留下啦？”索妮奇卡说着，欢喜得雀跃起来。
“拿你真没有办法！好了，去跳舞吧……这儿有你的一个舞伴。”她的母亲指指我说。
索妮奇卡把手伸给我，于是我们跑到大厅里。
喝下去的酒、索妮奇卡在场和她的兴致，使我完全忘怀了跳马祖卡舞时那件倒霉的事。我迈着最滑稽的舞步；时而模仿一匹马，小步奔跑着，傲慢地抬起脚来，时而又象一头对狗发脾气的公羊原地踏步，纵情大笑，一点也不在乎会给观众留下什么印象。索妮奇卡也不住地笑；她笑我们手拉着手，不住地旋转；她笑一个年老的老爷慢腾腾地抬起脚来跨过一条手帕，装出一副做起来很吃力的样子，当我几乎跳到天花板那么高来显示自己的灵活时，她简直要笑死了。
穿过外祖母的书房时，我照了照镜子。我汗流满面，头发蓬乱，那一撮撮的头发比平时翘得更高了；但是我脸上的整个表情却是那么愉快、和蔼、健康，使我不禁顾影自怜起来。
“要是我永远象现在这样，那就好了，”我想，“我还会得到别人的欢心哩！”
但是我又望了望我的舞伴的美丽的小脸蛋，看见她脸上除了一我脸上那种使我洋洋自得的快活、健康和无忧无虑的神情以外，还洋溢着那么娴雅、温柔的美，这使我自怨自艾起来，我明白自己妄想获得这么一个美人儿的青睐有多么愚蠢。
我不能指望我们会互相爱悦，根本连想也不必想，因为即使不这样，我的心灵也已经充满了幸福。我不理解，除了使我的心灵得到满足的爱情而外，我还可以要求更大的幸福，或者作非份之想，好使这样感情永远继续下去。这样我已经非常幸福了。我的心象鸽子一样跳动，热血不住地往心房里涌，我想哭出声来。
当我们穿过走廓，经过楼梯下面黑暗的贮藏室时，我看了看它，想道：“要是能同她在这黑暗的贮藏室里过上一辈子，而且谁也不知道我们住在这儿，那该有多么幸福啊！”
“今天非常快活，是不是？”我用战栗的声音轻轻地间，一面加快脚步，与其说是由于我所说的话，不如说是由于我想说的话而吃惊。
“是的……非常快活！”她回答说，扭过头来望着我，脸上带着那样坦率而和蔼的表情，使我不再害怕了。
“特别是晚饭以后……不过，但愿您能知道，我有多么遗憾（我本来想说难过，但是不敢），你们不久就要走了，我们再也见不到了！”
“为什么再也见不到啦？”她说，聚精会神地望着她的小鞋尖，用手摸着我们经过的方格帷幔。“每星期二和星期五，我跟妈妈都乘车到特维尔林荫路去。难道您不想散步吗？”
“星期二我们一定要求去，如果不让我去，我就一个人跑掉，不戴帽子。我认识路。”
“您知道吗？”索妮奇卡突然说，“我同常到我们家来的一些男孩，彼此总是称呼你；让我们彼此也称呼你吧！你愿意吗？她补充一句说，猛地抬起头，直视着我的眼睛。
这时我们走进了大厅。正在奏《祖父舞曲》的另一个很活跃的部分。
“请您……”当音乐声和喧哗声足以淹没我的声音时，我说。
“请你，不是请您。”索妮奇卡纠正说，笑了起来。
《祖父舞曲》结束了，可是我没有来得及说一句带你字的话，虽然我不住地构思着，几次重复其中有这个代词的句子。我缺乏这样做的勇气。“你愿意吗？”“请你，”这些话在我耳朵里回响着，使我飘飘然起来：除了索妮奇卡，什么东西，什么人，我都看不见了。我看见，他们怎样撩起她的发鬈，撩到她的耳后，露出我还没有见过的那部分额头和鬓角；我看见，他们那么紧紧地把她裹到绿披巾里，使人只看见她的小鼻子尖；我注意到，要是她没有用红润的手指在嘴边拉开一个小洞，她一定会闷死的；我看见，她跟着她的母亲走下楼去，迅速地回过头来对我们点点头，就走出门去了。
沃洛佳、伊文家的孩子们、小公爵和我，我们大家都爱上了索妮奇卡，站在楼梯上目送着她。她是对哪个特定的人点头，我不知道，不过当时我确信那是对我。
同伊文家的孩子们告别时，我非常随便地，甚至有些冷淡地同谢辽沙讲话，同他握了握手。如果他明白，从那天起他就失去了我的爱和控制我的权力，他一定会为此感到惋惜，虽然他极力显出满不在乎的样子。
我一生中第一次在爱情上变了心，第一次感到这种感情的甜蜜滋味。把那种磨损了的习惯的忠心换成一种充满神秘意味和前途未卜的新鲜的爱情，我觉得很高兴。况且，在同一时间，甩开一个人而爱上另一个人，意味着爱得比以前加倍地强烈。
收听单词发音 |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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champagne
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| n.香槟酒；微黄色 | |
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beverage
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| n.(水，酒等之外的)饮料 | |
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draught
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| n.拉，牵引，拖；一网（饮，吸，阵)；顿服药量，通风；v.起草，设计 | |
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diffusing
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| （使光）模糊，漫射，漫散( diffuse的现在分词 )； （使）扩散； （使）弥漫； （使）传播 | |
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heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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imploring
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| 恳求的，哀求的 | |
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persuasively
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| adv.口才好地；令人信服地 | |
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darted
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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salon
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| n.[法]沙龙；客厅；营业性的高级服务室 | |
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feats
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| 功绩，伟业，技艺( feat的名词复数 ) | |
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hoofs
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| n.（兽的）蹄，马蹄( hoof的名词复数 )v.（兽的）蹄，马蹄( hoof的第三人称单数 ) | |
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trot
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| n.疾走，慢跑；n.老太婆；现成译本；(复数）trots:腹泻（与the 连用）；v.小跑，快步走，赶紧 | |
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perspiration
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| n.汗水；出汗 | |
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erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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enchanting
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| a.讨人喜欢的 | |
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overflowing
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| n. 溢出物,溢流 adj. 充沛的，充满的 动词overflow的现在分词形式 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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bliss
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| n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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gliding
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| v. 滑翔 adj. 滑动的 | |
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din
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| n.喧闹声，嘈杂声 | |
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prospect
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| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
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wilt
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| v.(使)植物凋谢或枯萎；(指人)疲倦，衰弱 | |
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conning
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| v.诈骗，哄骗( con的现在分词 )；指挥操舵( conn的现在分词 ) | |
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intoxication
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| n.wild excitement;drunkenness；poisoning | |
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rosy
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| adj.美好的，乐观的，玫瑰色的 | |
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doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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