It was plain in a few days that nothing serious was amiss with the visitor. The attack, despite its dra-matic start, was less serious than its predecessor1, and soon allowed his removal to Penge. His appearance and spirits re-mained poor, but that must be expected after influenza2, and no one except Maurice felt the least uneasiness.
Maurice thought seldom about disease and death, but when he did it was with strong disapproval3. They could not be allowed to spoil his life or his friend's, and he brought all his youth and health to bear on Clive. He was with him constantly, going down uninvited to Penge for weekends or for a few days' holi-day, and trying by example rather than precept4 to cheer him up. Clive did not respond. He could rouse himself in company, and even affect interest in a right of way question that had arisen between the Durhams and the British Public, but when they were alone he relapsed into gloom, would not speak, or spoke5 in a half serious, half joking way that tells of mental ex-haustion. He determined6 to go to Greece. That was the only point on which he held firm. He would go, though the month would be September, and he alone. "It must be done," he said. "It is a vow7. Every barbarian8 must give the Acropolis its chance once."
Maurice had no use for Greece. His interest in the classics had been slight and obscene, and had vanished when he loved
Clive. The stories of Harmodius and Aristogeiton, of Phaedrus. of the Theban Band were well enough for those whose hearts were empty, but no substitute for life. That Clive should occa-sionally prefer them puzzled him. In Italy, which he liked well enough in spite of the food and the frescoes9, he had refused to cross to the yet holier land beyond the Adriatic. "It sounds out of repair" was his argument. "A heap of old stones without any paint on. At all events this"1—he indicated the library of Siena Cathedral—"you may say what you like, but it is in working order." Clive, in his amusement, jumped up and down upon the Piccolomini tiles, and the custodian10 laughed too instead of scolding them. Italy had been very jolly—as much as one wants in the way of sight-seeing surely—but in these latter days Greece had cropped up again. Maurice hated the very word, and by a curious inversion11 connected it with morbidity12 and death. Whenever he wanted to plan, to play tennis, to talk non-sense, Greece intervened. Clive saw his antipathy13, and took to teasing him about it, not very kindly14.
For Clive wasn't kind: it was to Maurice the most serious of all the symptoms. He would make slightly malicious15 remarks, and use his intimate knowledge to wound. He failed: i.e., his knowledge was incomplete, or he would have known the impos-sibility of vexing16 athletic17 love. If Maurice sometimes parried outwardly it was because he felt it human to respond: he always had been put off Christ turning the other cheek. Inwardly noth-ing vexed18 him. The desire for union was too strong to admit resentment19. And sometimes, quite cheerfully, he would conduct a parallel conversation, hitting out at Clive at times in acknowl-edgement of his presence, but going his own way towards light, in hope that the beloved would follow.
Their last conversation took place on these lines. It was the evening before Clive's departure, and he had the whole of the
Hall family to dine with him at the Savoy, as a return for their kindness to him, and had sandwiched them out between some other friends. "We shall know what it is if you fallthis time," cried Ada, nodding at the champagne20. "Your health!" he replied. "And the health of all ladies. Come, Maurice!" It pleased him to be slightly old-fashioned. Healths were drunk, and only Maurice detected the underlying21 bitterness.
After the banquet he said to Maurice, "Are you sleeping at home?"
"No."
"I thought you might want to see your people home."
"Not he, Mr Durham," said his mother. "Nothing I can do or say can make him miss a Wednesday. Maurice is a regular old bachelor."
"My flat's upside down with packing," remarked Clive. "I leave by the morning train, and go straight through to Mar-seilles."
Maurice took no notice, and came. They stood yawning at each other, while the lift descended22 for them, then sped up-wards, climbed another stage on their feet, and went down a passage that recalled the approach to Risley's rooms at Trinity. The flat, small, dark, and silent, lay at the end. It was, as Clive said, littered with rubbish, but his housekeeper23, who slept out, had made up Maurice's bed as usual, and had arranged drinks.
"Yet again," remarked Clive.
Maurice liked alcohol, and had a good head.
"I'm going to bed. I see you've found what you wanted."
"Take care of yourself. Don't overdo24 the ruins. By the way—" He took a phial out of his pocket. "I knew you'd forget this. Chlorodyne."
"Chlorodyne! Your contribution!"
He nodded,
"Chlorodyne for Greece. . . . Ada has been telling me that
you thought I was going to die. Why on earth do you worry about my health? There's no fear. I shan't ever have so clean and clear an experience as death."
"I know I shall die some time and I don't want to, nor you to. If either of us goes, nothing's left for both. I don't know if you call that clean and clear?"
"Yes, I do."
"Then I'd rather be dirty," said Maurice, after a pause. Clive shivered.
"Don't you agree?"
"Oh, you're getting like everyone else. You will have a theory. We can't go quietly ahead, we must always be formulating25, though every formula breaks down. 'Dirt at all costs' is to be yours. I say there are cases when one gets too dirty. Then Lethe, if there is such a river, will wash it away. But there may not be such a river. The Greeks assumed little enough, yet too much perhaps. There may be no forgetfulness beyond the grave. This wretched equipment may continue. In other words, beyond the grave there may be Hell."
"Oh, balls."
Clive generally enjoyed his metaphysics. But this time he went on. "To forget everything—even happiness. Happiness! A casual tickling26 of someone or something against oneself— that's all. Would that we had never been lovers! For then, Mau-rice, you and I should have lain still and been quiet. We should have slept, then had we been at rest with kings and counsellors of the earth, which built desolate27 places for themselves—"
"What on earth are you talking about?"
"—or as an hidden untimely birth, we had not been: as infants which never saw light. But as it is—Well, don't look so serious."
"Don't try to be funny then," said Maurice. "I never did think anything of your speeches."
"Words conceal28 thought. That theory?"
"They make a silly noise. I don't care about your thoughts either."
"Then what do you care about in me?"
Maurice smiled: as soon as this question was asked, he felt happy, and refused to answer it.
"My beauty?" said Clive cynically29. "These somewhat faded charms. My hair is falling out. Are you aware?"
"Bald as an egg by thirty."
"As an addled30 egg. Perhaps you like me for my mind. During and after my illness I must have been a delightful31 companion."
Maurice looked at him with tenderness. He was studying him, as in the earliest days of their acquaintance. Only then it was to find out what he was like, now what had gone wrong with him. Something was wrong. The diseases still simmered, vexing the brain, and causing it to be gloomy and perverse32, and Maurice did not resent this: he hoped to succeed where the doctor had failed. He knew his own strength. Presently he would put it forth33 as love, and heal his friend, but for the moment he investigated.
"I expect you do like me for my mind—for its feebleness. You always knew I was inferior. You're wonderfully considerate— give me plenty of rope and never snub me as you did your family at dinner."
It was as if he wanted to pick a quarrel.
"Now and then you call me to heel—" He pinched him, pre-tending to be playful. Maurice started. "What is wrong now? Tired?"
"I'm off to bed."
"I.e., you're tired. Why can't you answer a question? I didn't say 'tired of me', though I might have."
"Have you ordered your taxi for the nine o'clock?"
"No, nor got my ticket. I shan't go to Greece at all. Perhaps it'll be as intolerable as England."
"Well, good night, old man." He went, deeply concerned, to his room. Why. would everyone declare Clive was fit to travel? Clive even knew he wasn't himself. So methodical as a rule, he had put off taking his ticket till the last moment. He might still not go, but to express the hope was to defeat it. Maurice un-dressed, and catching34 sight of himself in the glass, thought, "A mercy I'm fit." He saw a well-trained serviceable body and a face that contradicted it no longer. Virility35 had harmonized them and shaded either with dark hair. Slipping on his pyjamas36, he sprang into bed, concerned, yet profoundly happy, because he was strong enough to live for two. Clive had helped him. Clive would help him again when the pendulum37 swung, mean-while he must help Clive, and all through life they would alter-nate thus: as he dozed38 off he had a further vision of love, that was not far from the ultimate.
There was a knock at the wall that divided their rooms.
"What is it?" he called; then, "Come in!" for Clive was now at the door.
"Can I come into your bed?"
"Come along," said Maurice, making room.
"I'm cold and miserable39 generally. I can't sleep. I don't know why."
Maurice did not misunderstand him. He knew and shared his opinions on this point. They lay side by side without touching40. Presently Clive said, "It's no better here. I shall go." Maurice was not sorry, for he could not get to sleep either, though for a different reason, and he was afraid Clive might hear the drum-ming of his heart, and guess what it was.
没过几天就弄清楚了，来客病得不重。尽管刚复发时看上去挺吓人，但没有想象的那么厉害。不久他就获得了回彭杰去的许可。他的脸色依然不好，精神萎靡，但这也是患过流行性感冒后预料之中的事，除了莫瑞斯外，旁人丝毫没有感到不安。
莫瑞斯轻易不去想疾病与死亡的事，倘若想的话，就伴随着强烈的反感。不应该容许它们来损害他本人或朋友的生命。于是他携带着自己的全部青春与健康去对克莱夫发生作用。每逢周末或连休日，他就到彭杰去做不速之客，不是靠口头训导，而是以身作则使他鼓起劲儿来。对克莱夫却未能奏效。当众他会振作起来，甚至对德拉姆家族与英国公众之间所发生的公路通行权问题佯装兴致勃勃。然而只剩下他和莫瑞斯在一起的时候，他就故态复萌，意气消沉，不肯说话。要么就用半认真半开玩笑的口吻说点儿什么，这表明他的精神已经耗尽了。他已打定主意要去希腊。惟独这一点，他是十分坚定的。尽管九月份才能动身，他非去不可，而且是单独前往。“我必须去，”他说，“是去履行誓言。每一个未开化的人都得给予卫城（译注：卫城是古希腊城邦兼有防卫性质的中心地区，内有市政与宗教建筑。卫城多建于高山之巅，具有军事和宗教双重目的。雅典卫城是最著名的卫城，位于陡峭的山冈上，建于公元前5世纪中叶。）一次机会。”
莫瑞斯与希腊风马牛不相及。他对古希腊罗马文学的兴趣淡薄，而且是淫猥的，一经爱上克莱夫，就消失殆尽。哈莫狄奥斯和阿里斯托吉顿啦（译注：哈莫狄奥斯和阿里斯托吉顿是一对同性爱者。修昔底德在《伯罗奔尼撒战争史》中说：暴君希庇亚斯之弟希帕尔科斯侮辱了哈莫狄奥斯。哈莫狄奥斯和阿里斯托吉顿就计划在公元前514年对希庇亚斯及其兄弟行刺。结果只杀死了希帕尔科斯。哈莫狄奥斯当场遇害，阿里斯托吉顿被擒后死于毒刑。希庇亚斯的暴政又延续了四年多。），斐多啦，以及第邦神圣队（译注：第邦神圣队是由一对对同性爱者组成的军队）啦，这些故事对那些心灵空虚的人们而言是蛮好的，却代替不了人生。克莱夫时而偏爱它们，莫瑞斯觉得莫名其妙。他十分喜欢意大利，尽管讨厌那儿的食品和湿壁画（译注：用在清水中磨研的颜色粉末，在刚抹好的湿灰泥墙壁上作画的方法。色彩与石灰一起干燥凝固后，就成为墙壁的永久部分。）。他却拒绝渡过亚德里亚海，到那更神圣的土地（译注：指希腊。意大利东南与希腊之间隔着亚德里亚海。）去。“使人感到年久失修，”他提出这么个理由，“一堆老掉牙的石头，什么颜色也没有。总之，这个嘛，”——他指的是锡耶纳大教堂里的书库——“不管你怎么说，这个派上了用场。”克莱夫听得十分开心，在皮科洛米尼时代（译注：指意大利籍教皇庇护二世（1439-1464在位），原名艾伊尼阿斯·西尔维乌·皮科洛米尼。皮科洛米尼家族是贵族世家，家族中出过军人、文人和教皇。）的彩色瓷砖上跳来跳去。管理人非但没申诉他们，还跟他们一道笑。意大利令人非常快活——就观光而言，确实是这样——然而近来希腊又突然冒出来了。莫瑞斯就连这个词都憎恶。出于难以解释的偏见，他由希腊而联想到疾病和死亡。每当他有什么打算，打网球啦，聊天啦，希腊就插进来了。克莱夫看出他厌恶希腊，就养成借此取笑他的习惯，并不怎么体谅他。
克莱夫就是不体谅他。莫瑞斯认为这是所有的症状中最严重的。克莱夫会说些稍微出于恶意的话，还用自己谙熟的知识来伤害他。克莱夫失败了，也就是说，他的知识并不全面，否则他就会知道，要想损害像莫瑞斯这么个运动健将的爱情是不可能的。莫瑞斯有时表面上避开了克莱夫的攻击，因为他觉得有所反应是人之常情。他一向不喜欢基督关于连另一边脸也伸过去的教导（译注：见《新约全书，路加福音》第6章第29节“论爱仇敌”。耶稣教导说：“有人打你一边的脸，连另一边也让他打吧！”）。在内心里，他一点儿也不生克莱夫的气。与克莱夫结合的欲望太强烈了，怨恨无从侵入。有时候他会十分快活地进行与之匹敌的谈话，偶尔回击他一句，表示并没忘记他就在眼前。他径直走向光明，希望自己所挚爱的人会尾随其后。
他们二人之间的最后一次谈话就是如此这般地进行的。那是克莱夫动身前的傍晚，他把霍尔一家人请到萨沃伊来吃晚餐，以回报他们对他的亲切关怀。他安排他们夹坐在其他朋友中间。“假若这次你晕倒了，我们会知道是怎么个来由。”艾达边朝着香槟酒点头，边大声说。“为你的健康干杯！”他回答。“为所有的女士们的健康干杯！干一杯，莫瑞斯！”他喜欢来点儿老一套的做法。大家为健康干了杯，惟独莫瑞斯看破了潜在的讥刺。
晚宴结束后，他对莫瑞斯说：“你回家去睡吗？”
“不。”
“我以为你想把家里人护送回府上去呢。”
“他才不干呢，德拉姆先生。”他母亲说，“不论我怎么做，怎么说，他也决不肯放弃一个星期三。莫瑞斯是个十足的老光棍儿。”
“我的套房里被行李弄得很乱。”克莱夫说，“我乘早晨的火车径直穿行到马赛（译注：马赛是法国的第二大城市和最大的商业港口，临地中海利翁湾。从伦敦出发后．需要坐轮船渡过多佛尔海峡，才能抵达法国。）去。”
莫瑞斯充耳不闻，还是来了。等候电梯降下来的时候，他们朝着对方大打呵欠。接着，乘电梯上去，徒步登上另一层楼梯，沿着过道走去。令人联想到三一学院里通向里斯利那个套房的走廊。克莱夫的套房小而黑暗，寂然无声，位于尽头。正像克莱夫说过的那样，里面杂乱无章，然而不在这里住宿的女管家已照常为莫瑞斯铺好了床，饮料也准备停当了。
“还要喝啊。”克莱夫说。
莫瑞斯喜欢喝酒，而且有酒量。
“我要上床了。依我看，你想要的都有了。”
“好好照顾自己。身体已经垮了，可别再劳累过度。另外，”他从衣兜里掏出一个小药瓶，“我就知道你会忘记这个，哥罗颠②。”
“哥罗颠！（译注：哥罗颠是一种止痛麻醉药。）难为你想得这么周到！”
莫瑞斯点了点头。
“带着哥罗颠到希腊去……艾达告诉我，你还以为我会一命呜呼呢。你究竟为什么这么为我的健康担心呢？别害怕。像死亡这样干净利索的经验，永远与我无缘。”
“我清楚自己迟早会死，而我不愿意死，更不愿意你死。倘若咱们两个人当中有一个死了，什么都没留下，我不知道你是否把这叫做干净利索。”
“是的，我就这么叫。”
“那么，我宁愿自己是污秽的。”莫瑞斯停顿了半晌说，克莱夫打了个寒噤。
“你不同意吗？”
“哦，你变得跟任何凡夫俗子毫无二致了。你非有个理论不可。咱们不能静悄悄地向前走，总是非得做成公式。尽管每个公式都有不再起作用的一天。你的公式是‘不惜任何代价也要保持污秽，。我可要告诉你，还有变得过于污秽的情形呢。于是忘川（译注：忘川是希腊神话中从冥府流过去的一条河。凡是喝了这条河水的亡魂，会把过去的事一概忘掉。）——倘若有这么一条河的话一就会把它洗净。然而也许没有这样的河，希腊人并没怎么任意想象。不然，或许还想象得过了头呢。说不定到了坟墓的彼方，什么都忘不掉。糟糕的记性也许会延续下去。换言之，坟墓的彼方可能就是地狱。”
“呸，胡说八道。”
克莱夫通常是借着抽象的空谈来自得其乐。然而这一次，他继续发挥下去。“忘却一切——连幸福都抛到脑后。幸福！被什么人或什么东西偶然胳肢了一下——如此而已。咱们两个人要足从来没做过情人，该有多好！因为要是那样的话，咱们就可以一动不动地躺着，一声不响。咱们应该睡觉了，那样一来，咱们就可以跟世上那些为自己确保了孤寂场所的国王们及其谋士们友好相处了——”
“你究竟在说些什么呀？”
“要么就像夭折的早产儿那样，咱们从来就没享有过生命，犹如那些压根儿不曾见过光的婴儿。然而事实上——喂，别显得那么严肃。”
“那么，你就别说这么古怪的话好了。”莫瑞斯说，“我倒是从来也没把你的话当真过。”
“话语掩盖思想，是这套理论吗？”
“话语不过是发出无聊的声音而已。我也不喜欢你的思想。”
“那么，你喜欢我的哪一点呢？”
莫瑞斯微微一笑。克莱夫刚这么一问，他就感到满足了，不肯回答。
“我的美貌吗？”克莱夫用讥讽的口吻说，“姿色已褪了几分，我的头发大量地脱落。你发觉了吗？”
“三十岁的时候就成了秃子，像个鸡蛋似的。”
“精神错乱的秃子，也许你喜欢我的头脑。生病期间以及病后，我想必是个可爱的伙伴。”
莫瑞斯温情脉脉地望着他。他在观察克莱夫，犹如他们初结识的时候那样。只不过当初是想弄清楚他是个什么样的人，现在想知道的是他出了什么毛病。克莱夫是有点儿不对头。还有后遗症，弄得他头脑混乱，情绪沮丧，一意孤行。莫瑞斯没有对此感到不满。大夫失败了，他希望自己能成功，他知道自己的力量。他将凭借爱的力量治好朋友的病，眼下他在进行探索。
“我认为你确实是由于我的头脑的关系才喜欢我。喜欢我的意志薄弱这一点，你一向清楚我不如你。你对我体贴得无微不至，你听任我为所欲为。吃饭的时候你故意冷落你家里的人，对我却从来没这么做过。”
这简直像是在找碴儿打架。
“可你不时地要我对你俯首帖耳——”他假装闹着玩儿地掐了莫瑞斯一下。莫瑞斯吓了一跳，“怎么啦？厌倦了吗？”
“我要睡觉去了。”
“也就是说，你厌倦了。你为什么不能回答一个问题？我并没说‘对我感到厌倦了’，尽管我可以这么说。”
“你已经叫好了出租车，让它早晨九点钟来吗？”
“没有，连车票都还没买呢。说不定我根本就不去希腊，也许它跟英国一样令人难以忍受。”
“唔。晚安，老兄。”他深深地忧虑着回到自己的屋子。为什么人人都说克莱夫已经适合于旅行了呢？连克莱夫本人都知道自己不正常。克莱夫一般是有条不紊的，所以拖延到最后还没买票。或许他到头来不会出发，然而表示出一种愿望就是为了挫败它。莫瑞斯脱下衣服，瞥了一眼映在镜中的自己，想道：“真是幸运，我是健康的。”他看见的是锻炼得结结实实、矫健的肉体，以及一张再与之般配的脸。男子气概使二者相协调，均覆以乌黑的毛。他穿上睡衣，跳上床。尽管忧虑着克莱夫的事，却高兴极了。因为他强壮到足以使两个人生存下去。克莱夫曾帮助过他。形势一变，克莱夫还要帮助他。目前他必须帮助克莱夫。他们两个人将毕生像这样轮流互助。他昏昏欲睡时，梦幻中出现了爱的前景，与终极目的相距不远了。
隔壁传来了叩打声。
“怎么啦？”他问，接着就说，“请进！”因为克莱夫已来到门外。
“我可以钻进你的被窝吗？”
“来吧。”莫瑞斯边说边为他挪出地方。
“我总是发冷，苦不堪言，唾不着觉。我也不知道是怎么回事。”
莫瑞斯并没有误解克莱夫。在这一点上，他了解克莱夫，两个人的意见一致。他们并肩而卧，却没有挨在一起。过了一会儿，克莱夫说：“这儿也好不了多少，我走啦。”莫瑞斯并没有感到遗憾，因为他也睡不着，尽管是出于不同的理由。他的心怦怦直跳，生怕被克莱夫听见，从而揣测出个中原因。
收听单词发音 |
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predecessor
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| n.前辈，前任 | |
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influenza
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| n.流行性感冒，流感 | |
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disapproval
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| n.反对，不赞成 | |
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precept
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| n.戒律；格言 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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vow
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| n.誓(言)，誓约；v.起誓，立誓 | |
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barbarian
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| n.野蛮人；adj.野蛮(人)的；未开化的 | |
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frescoes
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| n.壁画( fresco的名词复数 )；温壁画技法，湿壁画 | |
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custodian
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| n.保管人，监护人；公共建筑看守 | |
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inversion
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| n.反向，倒转，倒置 | |
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morbidity
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| n.病态；不健全；发病；发病率 | |
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antipathy
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| n.憎恶；反感，引起反感的人或事物 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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malicious
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| adj.有恶意的，心怀恶意的 | |
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vexing
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| adj.使人烦恼的，使人恼火的v.使烦恼( vex的现在分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
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athletic
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| adj.擅长运动的，强健的；活跃的，体格健壮的 | |
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vexed
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| adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
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resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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champagne
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| n.香槟酒；微黄色 | |
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underlying
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| adj.在下面的，含蓄的，潜在的 | |
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descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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housekeeper
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| n.管理家务的主妇，女管家 | |
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overdo
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| vt.把...做得过头，演得过火 | |
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formulating
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| v.构想出( formulate的现在分词 )；规划；确切地阐述；用公式表示 | |
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tickling
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| 反馈，回授，自旋挠痒法 | |
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desolate
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| adj.荒凉的，荒芜的；孤独的，凄凉的；v.使荒芜，使孤寂 | |
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conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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cynically
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| adv.爱嘲笑地，冷笑地 | |
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addled
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| adj.（头脑）糊涂的，愚蠢的；（指蛋类）变坏v.使糊涂( addle的过去式和过去分词 )；使混乱；使腐臭；使变质 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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perverse
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| adj.刚愎的；坚持错误的，行为反常的 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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virility
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| n.雄劲，丈夫气 | |
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pyjamas
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| n.（宽大的）睡衣裤 | |
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pendulum
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| n.摆，钟摆 | |
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dozed
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| v.打盹儿，打瞌睡( doze的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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