This episode burst Maurice's life to pieces. Interpret-ing it by the past, he mistook Dickie for a second Clive, but three years are not lived in a day, and the fires died down as quickly as they had risen, leaving some suspicious ashes behind them. Dickie left on the Monday, and by Friday his image had faded. A client then came into the office, a lively and handsome young Frenchman, who implored1 Monsieur 'All not to swindle him. While they chaffed, a familiar feeling arose, but this time he smelt2 attendant odours from the abyss. "No, people like me must keep our noses to the grindstone, I'm afraid," he replied, in answer to the Frenchman's prayer to lunch with him, and his voice was so British that it produced shouts of laughter and a pantomime.
When the fellow had gone he faced the truth. His feeling for Dickie required a very primitive3 name. He would have senti-mentalized once and called it adoration4, but the habit of hon-esty had grown strong. What a stoat he had been! Poor little Dickie! He saw the boy leaping from his embrace, to smash through the window and break his limbs, or yelling like a ma-niac until help came. He saw the police—
"Lust5." He said the word out loud.
Lust is negligible when absent. In the calm of his office Maurice expected to subdue6 it, now that he had found its name. His mind, ever practical, wasted no time in theological despair,
but advanced to the grindstone. He had been forewarned, and therefore forearmed, and had only to keep away from boys and young men to ensure success. Yes, from other young men. Cer-tain obscurities of the last six months became clear. For exam-ple, a pupil at the Settlement—He wrinkled his nose, as one who needs no further proof. The feeling that can impel7 a gentleman towards a person of lower class stands self-condemned.
He did not know what lay ahead. He was entering into a state that would only end with impotence or death. Clive had post-poned it. Clive had influenced him, as always. It had been un-derstood between them that their love, though including the body, should not gratify it, and the understanding had pro-ceeded—no words were used—from Clive. He had been nearest to words on the first evening at Penge, when he refused Mau-rice's kiss, or on the last afternoon there, when they lay amid deep fern. Then had been framed the rule that brought the golden age, and would have sufficed till death. But to Maurice, despite his content, there had been something hypnotic about it. It had expressed Clive, not him, but now that he was alone he cracked hideously8, as once at school. And it was not Clive who would heal him. That influence, even if exerted, would have failed, for a relation such as theirs cannot break without trans-forming both men for ever.
But he could not realize all this. The ethereal past had blinded him, and the highest happiness he could dream was a return to it. As he sat in his office working, he could not see the vast curve of his life, still less the ghost of his father sitting opposite. Mr Hall senior had neither fought nor thought; there had never been any occasion; he had supported society and moved without a crisis from illicit9 to licit love. Now, looking across at his son, he is touched with envy, the only pain that survives in the world of shades. For he sees the flesh educating the spirit, as his has
never been educated, and developing the sluggish10 heart and the slack mind against their will.
Presently Maurice was called to the telephone. He raised it to his ear, and, after six months' silence, heard the voice of his only friend.
"Hullo," he began, "hullo, you will have heard my news, Maurice."
"Yes, but you didn't write, so I didn't."
"Quite so."
"Where are you now?"
"Off to a restaurant. We want you to come round there. Will you?"
"I'm afraid I can't. I've just refused one invitation to lunch."
"Are you too busy to talk a little?"
"Oh no."
Clive resumed, evidently relieved by the atmosphere. "My young woman's with me. Presently she'll talk too."
"Oh, all right. Tell me all your plans."
"The wedding's next month."
"Best of luck."
Neither could think of anything to say.
"Now for Anne."
"I'm Anne Woods," said a girl's voice.
"My name's Hall."
"What?"
"Maurice Christopher Hall."
"Mine's Anne Clare Wilbraham Woods, but I can't think of anything to say."
"No more can I."
"You're the eighth friend of Clive I've talked to in this way this morning."
"The eighth?"
"I can't hear."
"I said the eighth."
"Oh yes, now I'll give Clive a turn. Goodbye."
Clive resumed. "By the way, can you come down to Penge next week? It's short notice, but later all will be chaos11."
"I'm afraid I can't do that very well. Mr Hill's getting married too, so that I'm more or less busy here."
"What, your old partner?"
"Yes, and after him Ada to Chapman."
"So I heard. How about August? Not September, that's almost certainly the by-election. But come in August and see us through that awful Park v. Village cricket match."
"Thanks, I probably could. You had better write nearer the time."
"Oh, of course. By the way, Anne has a hundred pounds in her pocket. Will you invest it for her?"
"Certainly. What does she fancy?"
"You'd better choose. She's not allowed to fancy more than four per cent."
Maurice quoted a few securities.
"I'd like the last one," said Anne's voice. "I didn't catch its name."
"You'll see it on the Contract Note. What's your address, please?"
She informed him.
"All right. Send the cheque when you hear from us. Perhaps I'd better ring off and buy at once."
He did so. Their intercourse12 was to run on these lines. How-ever pleasant Clive and his wife were to him, he always felt that they stood at the other end of the telephone wire. After lunch he chose their wedding present. His instinct was to give a thumper13, but since he was only eighth on the list of the bride-
groom's friends, this would seem out of place. While paying three guineas he caught sight of himself in the glass behind the counter. What a solid young citizen he looked—quiet, honoura-ble, prosperous without vulgarity. On such does England rely. Was it conceivable that on Sunday last he had nearly assaulted a boy?
这件事摧毁了莫瑞斯的人生。他把这当作旧梦重温，误以为迪基是第二个克莱夫。然而三年的岁月是不可能在一天之内度过的，火焰熄灭得跟燃烧起来的时候一样迅速，遗留下了可疑的灰烬。迪基于星期一告辞，到星期五的时候，他的影子已逐渐消失。一个顾客来到他的办公室，是个活泼英俊的法国青年，他恳求先生（译注：原文为法语）不要让他受骗上当。他们相互打趣，一种熟悉的感觉出现了，但是这一次他嗅到了发自深渊的气味。法国人祈求与他共进午餐，他回答说：“不，像我这样的人恐怕必须不停地埋头苦干。”他那十足的英国腔引起了一阵大笑和夸张的手势。
那个人离开时他看到了真实。他对迪基所怀的感觉需要一个非常原始的名称。他一度沉浸在感伤中，把这叫做“崇拜”。然而要求自己做个坦诚的人的习惯日益占了上风。自己曾是一只何等讨厌的鼬子啊！可怜的小迪基！他看到少年挣脱开他的拥抱，打碎窗户冲出去，摔折了胳膊，或者像疯了那样大喊大叫，直到有人前来救助。他看见了警察——
“淫欲。”他高声说出这个词。
淫欲并不存在的时候，就是无足轻重的。办公室里一片宁静，既然已经找到了这种感觉的名称，莫瑞斯相信自己是能予以克制的。他的精神从来就是讲究实际的，所以没有荒废光阴沉湎在神学的绝望中，而是埋头苦干，勇往直前。他预先受到警告，因此有备无患，只要离青少年远点儿，就能确保成功。是啊，别接近年轻人。六个月以来的那些含糊暧昧的地方，变得清晰了。比如，社区里的那个学生——莫瑞斯皱起鼻子，就像用不着更进一步的证据的人那样。作为绅士，竟被比自己低的阶层的人强烈地吸引住，这种感觉足以让他受到良心的谴责。
他不知道在前面等待自己的是什么。他只能步人以阳痿或死亡告终的境界，是克莱夫延缓了这个过程，自始至终他受着克莱夫的影响。他们之间达成共识，双方爱情包括肉体，但不是满足肉体。这种理解出自克莱夫，不是用语言表达的。莫瑞斯头一次在彭杰过夜的时候，也差点儿说出口来，那一次，他不允许莫瑞斯吻他。还有一次是莫瑞斯在那儿消磨的最后一个下午，当他们躺在茂密的羊齿丛中的时候。当时拟定了给他们带来黄金时代的规则，能够满足他们终生的需要。然而对莫瑞斯而言，尽管感到满意，却有一种被施以催眠术的感觉。表达出来的是克莱夫的感情，而不是他的。目前只剩下他一个人，他失去自制，丑态百出，犹如一度在学校的时候那样。克莱夫不再能够使他痊愈了。克莱夫即使对他施加了影响，也是徒劳。因为像他们这样的关系，一旦破裂了，势必使双方永远改变。
但是莫瑞斯没能领悟到这一切。以前在如神灵般缥缈虚幻的境界中度过的岁月，使他失去了判断力，他所能幻想的最大的幸福就是旧梦重温。坐在办公室里工作的时候，他看不见自己的人生所描绘的巨大曲线。至于坐在对面的父亲的亡灵，他更是视而不见。他的父亲霍尔先生既没搏斗过，也没思索过。他从未有过这样的机会。他是社会中坚，从非法的爱情移到合法的爱情上来，却没出现危机。现在他隔着桌子看着儿子，有点儿羡慕一在阴间，这是残存的惟一的痛苦。因为他看见儿子的肉体在教育精神，他的精神却从未接受过肉体的教育。儿子呢，肉体使呆滞的心灵与迟钝的头脑成长着。
这时，莫瑞斯被喊去接电话。他把听筒举到耳边，在六个月的沉默之后，他听到了惟一的朋友的声音。
“喂，”朋友开口说，“莫瑞斯，你总该听到了我的消息。”
“嗯。可是你没写信给我，所以我也没写。”
“的确如此。”
“你现在在哪儿？”
“在一家餐馆里。我们想请你到这儿来，你能来吗？”
“恐怕去不了。有人邀请我吃午餐，我刚刚谢绝了。”
“你是不是太忙，连说一会儿话的时间都没有呢？”
“哦，那还不至于。”
莫瑞斯的口吻显然使克莱夫放了心，他接着说下去：“我的小新娘跟我在一起，待会儿她也说几句。”
“哦，好的。把你的计划告诉我吧。”
“下个月举行婚礼。”
“祝你们好运。”
两个人都想不出该说什么好了。
“现在由安妮来说。”
“我是安妮‘伍兹。”传来了一个姑娘的声音。
“我叫霍尔。”
“什么？”
“莫瑞斯·克里斯托弗·霍尔。”
“我叫安妮。克莱尔。威尔布里厄姆·伍兹。可是我再也想不出任何话了。”
“我也想不出来。”
“今天一上午我都在跟克莱夫的朋友这么谈话，你是第八个。”
“第八个？”
“我听不见。”
“我说，第八个。”
“啊，可不是嘛。现在我让克莱夫来接，再见。”
克莱夫接下去说：“顺便说一下，下周你能到彭杰来一趟吗？邀请得唐突了些，不过再往后就会陷入一片混乱了。”
“我恐怕不能应邀。希尔先生也要结婚了，所以我在这儿会忙碌一些。”
“什么，你的老搭档吗？”
“是啊。这之后艾达跟查普曼结婚。”
“我听说啦。八月怎么样？九月不行，肯定会举行补缺选举，你在八月间来吧。彭杰和村民之间将进行一场大规模的板球赛，你来为我们助威吧。”
“谢谢，我也许能来。快到日子的时候，你最好写信给我。”
“哦，当然。顺便说一声，安妮手头有一百英镑。你能为她投资吗？”
“完全可以，她想要什么样的？”
“最好由你来选。人家告诉她，百分之四以上可不行，风险太大。”
莫瑞斯报了几家证券公司的名字。
“我喜欢最后一家，”传来了安妮的声音，“我没听清楚它的名字。”
“你会在合同上看到的。请问，你的地址呢？”
她告诉了他。
“好，得到我们的消息就请寄支票来。也许，我最好还是挂断电话，马上去办理购买手续。”
他照办了，他们将像这样交往下去。不论克莱夫及其妻子待他多么友善，他总觉得他们站在电话线那一头。午饭后，他去选购祝贺他们结婚的礼品。他本能地想送一份厚礼，但在新郎的友人名单上他的名字仅仅排在第八位，这么做似乎不合适。付三畿尼的价钱时，他瞥见了映在柜台后边那面镜子中的自己的身影。他看上去是个何等稳健的年轻市民啊——安详、体面、成功、毫不庸俗。英国依靠的就是这样的人。谁能相信上星期日他几乎去袭击一个少年呢？
收听单词发音 |
1
implored
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| 恳求或乞求（某人）( implore的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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smelt
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| v.熔解，熔炼；n.银白鱼，胡瓜鱼 | |
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primitive
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| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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adoration
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| n.爱慕，崇拜 | |
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lust
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| n.性(淫)欲；渴(欲)望；vi.对…有强烈的欲望 | |
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subdue
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| vt.制服，使顺从，征服；抑制，克制 | |
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impel
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| v.推动；激励，迫使 | |
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8
hideously
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| adv.可怕地，非常讨厌地 | |
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9
illicit
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| adj.非法的，禁止的，不正当的 | |
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sluggish
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| adj.懒惰的，迟钝的，无精打采的 | |
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chaos
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| n.混乱，无秩序 | |
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intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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13
thumper
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| n.击键声检测器；轰鸣器 | |
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