Part 3 Chapter 3

A S I WAS taking my second state exam, the professor who had given the concentration camps seminar died. Gertrud came across the obituary¹ in the newspaper. The funeral was at the mountain cemetery². Did I want to go?

I didn’t. The burial was on a Thursday afternoon, and on both Thursday and Friday morning I had to take written exams. Also, the professor and I had never been particularly close. And I didn’t like funerals. And I didn’t want to be reminded of the trial.

But it was already too late. The memory had been awakened³, and when I came out of the exam on Thursday, it was as if I had an appointment with the past that I couldn’t miss. I did something I never did otherwise: I took the streetcar. This in itself was an encounter with the past, like returning to a place that once was familiar but has changed its appearance. When Hanna worked for the streetcar company, there were long streetcars made up of two or three carriages, platforms at the front and back, running boards along the platforms that you could jump onto when the streetcar had pulled away from the stop, and a cord running through the cars that the conductor rang to signal departure. In summer there were streetcars with open platforms. The conductor sold, punched, and inspected tickets, called out the stations, signaled departures, kept an eye on the children who pushed their way onto the platforms, fought with passengers who jumped off and on, and denied further entry if the car was full. There were cheerful, witty⁴, serious, grouchy⁵, and coarse conductors, and the temperament⁶ or mood of the conductor often defined the atmosphere in the car. How stupid of me that after the failed surprise on the ride to Schwetzingen, I had been afraid to waylay⁷ Hanna and see what she was like as a conductor.

I got onto the conductor-less streetcar and rode to the mountain cemetery. It was a cold autumn day with a cloudless, hazy⁸ sky and a yellow sun that no longer gave off any heat, the kind you can look at directly without hurting your eyes. I had to search awhile before finding the grave where the funeral ceremony was being held. I walked beneath tall, bare trees, between old gravestones. Occasionally I met a cemetery gardener or an old woman with a watering can and gardening shears⁹. It was absolutely still, and from a distance I could hear the hymn¹⁰ being sung at the professor’s grave.

I stopped a little way off and studied the small group of mourners. Some of them were clearly eccentrics and misfits. In the eulogies¹¹ for the professor, there were hints that he himself had withdrawn¹² from the pressures of society and thus lost contact with it, remaining a loner and thereby¹³ becoming something of an oddball himself.

I recognized a former member of the concentration camps seminar. He had taken his exams before me, had become a practicing attorney, and then opened a pub; he was dressed in a long red coat. He came to speak to me when everything was over and I was making my way to the cemetery gate. “We were in the same seminar—don’t you remember?”

“I do.” We shook hands.

“I was always at the trial on Wednesdays, and sometimes I gave you a lift.” He laughed. “You were there every day, every day and every week. Can you say why, now?” He looked at me, good-natured and ready to pounce¹⁴, and I remembered that I had noticed this look even in the seminar.

“I was very interested in the trial.”

“You were very interested in the trial?” He laughed again. “The trial, or the defendant¹⁵ you were always staring at? The only one who was reasonably good-looking. We all used to wonder what was going on between you and her, but none of us dared ask. We were so terribly sensitive and considerate back then. Do you remember . . .” He recalled another member of the seminar, who stuttered or lisped and held forth¹⁶ incessantly¹⁷, most of it nonsense, and to whom we listened as though his words were gold. He went on to talk about other members of the seminar, what they were like back then and what they were doing now. He talked and talked. But I knew he would get back to me eventually and ask: “So—what was going on between you and the defendant?” And I didn’t know what to answer, how to betray, confess, parry.

Then we were at the entrance to the cemetery, and he asked. A streetcar was just pulling away from the stop and I called out, “Bye,” and ran off as though I could jump onto the running board, ran alongside the streetcar beating the flat of my hand against the door, and something happened that I wouldn’t have believed possible, hadn’t even hoped for. The streetcar stopped, the door opened, and I got on.

　　当我参加第二次国家考试时，那位组织集中营问题研讨班的教授去世了。葛特茹德是在报纸的死亡讣告版上偶然看到这个消息的。葬礼在山地陵园举行。她问我是否想去参加。

　　我不想去。葬礼在星期四的下午举行，而我星期四和星期五上午都有考试。再者，那位教授和我之间的关系也不是特别近。我不喜欢参加葬礼。我不想再忆起那次审判。

　　但是，这已为时过晚，记忆已经被唤醒了。当我星期四考试归来时，就好像我必须去赴一个不允许错过的约会，一个与过去的约会。

　　我是乘坐有轨电车去的，平时我是不坐有轨电车的。这已经是与过去的一种接触了，就好像又回到了一个熟悉的地方，一个改变了面貌的地方。当汉娜在有轨电车公司上班时，有两节或三节车厢的有轨电车，车厢的两端有平台，平台旁边有踏板，如果电车已经启动，人们仍旧可以跳到踏板上，还有一条环绕整个车厢的绳子，售票员拉这根绳可以发出开车的信号。夏天的时候，有轨电车敞着平台开，售票员买票，给票打眼，查票，报站，发开车信号，照顾拥挤在平台上的孩子，训斥那些跳上跳下的乘客，当车满员时阻止再上人。有的售票员滑稽有趣，有的严肃，总绷着脸，有的粗鲁。他们的性格和心情如何往往左右着车厢里的气氛。我多么愚蠢，在那次乘车去施魏青根给汉娜一个惊喜的愿望落空之后，我就害怕把她当做售票员来等候，来经历。

　　我登上了一辆没有售票员的有轨电车去了山地陵园。那是一个较冷的秋日，天高云淡，太阳也不再温暖了，用眼睛望着它也不会被刺痛了。我用了好一会儿时间才找到了将在那里举行葬礼的墓地。我穿梭在高大无叶的树木与已有年头的墓碑之间，偶尔会遇见一位陵园的园工或一位手持浇花壶和修技剪刀的上了年纪的妇女。陵园非常安静，我从远处就听到了在那位教授的墓碑旁所唱的赞美诗。

　　我站在一边仔细地观察这小小的参加葬礼的人群。其中的一些人看上去明显地孤僻怪异。从介绍教授生平事迹和著作的悼词中可以听得出来，他自己逃避了社会的约束，从而脱离了与社会的联系，他一直保持着自己的独立性，变得孤僻起来。

　　我认出了当年参加研讨班的一位同学，他参加国家考试比我早，先当上了律师，后来又成了一家小酒店的老板。他是穿着一件红色的长大衣来的。葬礼结束后，当我往回向陵园的大门走去时，他走过来与我打招呼："我们一起参加了研讨班，你不记得了吗？"

　　"记得。"我们握了手。

　　"我总是在周三去法庭，有时我开车带你去，"他笑着说，"你每天都在场，每天，每周都在。现在你说说为什么？"他同情地、期待地望着我。这使我想起，他的这种目光在研讨班时我就注意到了。

　　"我对法庭审理特别感兴趣。"

　　"你对法庭审理特别感兴趣？"他又笑了，"是对法庭还是对那位你总是目不转睛地盯着的被告人？就是看上去还蛮不错的那位？我们大家心里都在嘀咕，你与她是什么关系，但是没人敢问你。我们当时非常富有同情心，善解人意。你还记得……"他提起了另外一位参加研讨班的同学，这位同学口吃，说话咬舌头，话很多且不着边际，我们还得洗耳恭听，好像他的话句句是金石之言。他开始谈起其他参加研讨班的同学，讲他们当时如何，现在又做什么。他滔滔不绝地讲个没完，但是，我知道他最终还会再问我："怎么样，你现在和那位被告的情况如何？"我不知道我该如何回答，如何否认，如何承认和如何回避。

　　这时候我们到了陵园的大门口，他真的问了我这个问题。车站刚好有一辆有轨电车在徐徐开动。我说了声"再见"，撒腿就跑，好像我能跳到踏板上一样，我挨着车身边跑边用手拍打着车门。我根本不敢相信，也没抱任何希望的事发生了：那辆车又停了下来，门开了，我上了车。

1 obituary   

n.讣告，死亡公告；adj.死亡的

参考例句：

• The obituary records the whole life of the deceased.讣文记述了这位死者的生平。
• Five days after the letter came,he found Andersen s obituary in the morning paper.收到那封信五天后，他在早报上发现了安德森的讣告。

2 cemetery   

n.坟墓，墓地，坟场

参考例句：

• He was buried in the cemetery.他被葬在公墓。
• His remains were interred in the cemetery.他的遗体葬在墓地。

3 awakened   

v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到

参考例句：

• She awakened to the sound of birds singing. 她醒来听到鸟的叫声。
• The public has been awakened to the full horror of the situation. 公众完全意识到了这一状况的可怕程度。 来自《简明英汉词典》

4 witty   

adj.机智的，风趣的

参考例句：

• Her witty remarks added a little salt to the conversation.她的妙语使谈话增添了一些风趣。
• He scored a bull's-eye in their argument with that witty retort.在他们的辩论中他那一句机智的反驳击中了要害。

5 grouchy   

adj.好抱怨的；愠怒的

参考例句：

• Grouchy people are always complaining for no reason.满腹牢骚的人总是毫无理由地抱怨。
• Sometimes she is grouchy, but all in all she is an excellent teacher.有时候她的脾气很坏，但总的来说她还是一位好老师。

6 temperament   

n.气质，性格，性情

参考例句：

• The analysis of what kind of temperament you possess is vital.分析一下你有什么样的气质是十分重要的。
• Success often depends on temperament.成功常常取决于一个人的性格。

7 waylay   

v.埋伏，伏击

参考例句：

• She lingered outside the theater to waylay him after the show.她在戏院外面徘徊想在演出之后拦住他说话。
• The trucks are being waylaid by bandits.卡车被强盗拦了下来。

8 hazy   

adj.有薄雾的，朦胧的；不肯定的，模糊的

参考例句：

• We couldn't see far because it was so hazy.雾气蒙蒙妨碍了我们的视线。
• I have a hazy memory of those early years.对那些早先的岁月我有着朦胧的记忆。

9 shears   

n.大剪刀

参考例句：

• These garden shears are lightweight and easy to use.这些园丁剪刀又轻又好用。
• With a few quick snips of the shears he pruned the bush.他用大剪刀几下子就把灌木给修剪好了。

10 hymn   

n.赞美诗，圣歌，颂歌

参考例句：

• They sang a hymn of praise to God.他们唱着圣歌，赞美上帝。
• The choir has sung only two verses of the last hymn.合唱团只唱了最后一首赞美诗的两个段落。

11 eulogies   

n.颂词，颂文( eulogy的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Her latest film has brought eulogies from the critics. 她最近的这部电影获得影评界的好评。 来自互联网

12 withdrawn   

vt.收回；使退出；vi.撤退，退出

参考例句：

• Our force has been withdrawn from the danger area.我们的军队已从危险地区撤出。
• All foreign troops should be withdrawn to their own countries.一切外国军队都应撤回本国去。

13 thereby   

adv.因此，从而

参考例句：

• I have never been to that city,,ereby I don't know much about it.我从未去过那座城市，因此对它不怎么熟悉。
• He became a British citizen,thereby gaining the right to vote.他成了英国公民，因而得到了投票权。

14 pounce   

n.猛扑；v.猛扑，突然袭击，欣然同意

参考例句：

• Why do you pounce on every single thing I say?干吗我说的每句话你都要找麻烦？
• We saw the tiger about to pounce on the goat.我们看见老虎要向那只山羊扑过去。

15 defendant   

n.被告；adj.处于被告地位的

参考例句：

• The judge rejected a bribe from the defendant's family.法官拒收被告家属的贿赂。
• The defendant was borne down by the weight of evidence.有力的证据使被告认输了。

16 forth   

adv.向前；向外，往外

参考例句：

• The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
• He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。

17 incessantly   

ad.不停地

参考例句：

• The machines roar incessantly during the hours of daylight. 机器在白天隆隆地响个不停。
• It rained incessantly for the whole two weeks. 雨不间断地下了整整两个星期。