The poet Longfellow - or was it Confucius, the inventor of wisdom? - remarked:
"Life is real, life is earnest; And things are not what they seem."
As mathematics are - or is: thanks, old subscriber1! - the only just rule by which questions of life can be measured, let us, by all means, adjust our theme to the straight edge and the balanced column of the great goddess Two-and-Two-Makes-Four. Figures - unassailable sums in addition - shall be set over against whatever oposing element there may be.
A mathematician2, after scanning the above two lines of poetry, would say: "Ahem! young gentlemen, if we assume that X plus - that is, that life is real - then things (all of which life includes) are real. Anything that is real is what it seems. Then if we consider the proposition that 'things are not what they seem,' why -"
But this is heresy3, and not poesy. We woo the sweet nymph Algebra4; we would conduct you into the presence of the elusive5, seductive, pursued, satisfying, mysterious X.
Not long before the beginning of this century, Septimus Kinsolving, an old New Yorker, invented an idea. He originated the discovery that bread is made from flour and not from wheat futures6. Perceiving that the flour crop was short, and that the Stock Exchange was having no perceptible effect on the growing wheat, Mr. Kinsolving cornered the flour market.
The result was that when you or my landlady7 (before the war she never had to turn her hand to anything; Southerners accomodated) bought a five-cent load of bread you laid down an additional two cents, which went to Mr. Kinsolving as a testimonial to his perspicacity8.
A second result was that Mr. Kinsolving quit the game with $2,000,000 prof - er - rake-off.
Mr. Kinsolving's son Dan was at college when the mathematical experiment in breadstuffs was made. Dan came home during vacation, and found the old gentleman in a red dressing-gown reading "Little Dorrit" on the porch of his estimable red brick mansion9 in Washington Square. He had retired10 from business with enough extra two-cent pieces from bread buyers to reach, if laid side by side, fifteen times around the earth and lap as far as the public debt of Paraguay.
Dan shook hands with his father, and hurried over to Greenwich Village to see his old high-school friend, Kenwitz. Dan had always admired Kenwitz. Kenwitz was pale, curly-haired, intense, serious, mathematical, studious, altruistic12, socialistic, and the natural foe13 of oligarchies14. Kenwitz had foregone college, and was learning watch-making in his father's jewelry15 store. Dan was smiling, jovial16, easy-tempered and tolerant alike of kings and ragpickers. The two foregathered joyously17, being opposites. And then Dan went back to college, and Kenwitz to his mainsprings - and to his private library in the rear of the jewelry shop.
Four years later Dan came back to Washington Square with the accumulations of B. A. and two years of Europe thick upon him. He took a filial look at Septimus Kinsolving's elaborate tombstone in Greenwood and a tedious excursion through typewritten documents with the family lawyer; and then, feeling himself a lonely and hopeless millionaire, hurried down to the old jewelry store across Sixth Avenue.
Kenwitz unscrewed a magnifying glass from his eye, routed out his parent from a dingy18 rear room, and abandoned the interior of watches for outdoors. He went with Dan, and they sat on a bench in Washington Square. Dan had not changed much; he was stalwart, and had a dignity that was inclined to relax into a grin. Kenwitz was more serious, more intense, more learned, philosophical19 and socialistic.
"I know about it now," said Dan, finally. "I pumped it out of the eminent20 legal lights that turned over to me poor old dad's collections of bonds and boodle. It amounts to $2,000,000, Ken11. And I am told that he squeezed it out of the chaps that pay their pennies for loaves of bread at little bakeries around the corner. You've studied economics, Dan, and you know all about monopolies, and the masses, and octopuses21, and the rights of laboring23 people. I never thought about those things before. Football and trying to be white to my fellowman were about the extent of my college curriculum.
"But since I came back and found out how dad made his money I've been thinking. I'd like awfully24 well to pay back those chaps who had to give up too much money for bread. I know it would buck25 the line of my income for a good many yards; but I'd like to make it square with 'em. Is there any way it can be done, old Ways and Means?"
Kenwitz's big black eyes glowed fierily26. His thin, intellectual face took on almost a sardonic27 cast. He caught Dan's arm with the grip of a friend and a judge.
"You can't do it!" he said, emphatically. "One of the chief punishments of you men of ill-gotten wealth is that when you do repent28 you find that you have lost the power to make reparation or restitution29. I admire your good intentions, Dan, but you can't do anything. Those people were robbed of their precious pennies. It's too late to remedy the evil. You can't pay them back"
"Of course," said Dan, lighting30 his pipe, "we couldn't hunt up every one of the duffers and hand 'em back the right change. There's an awful lot of 'em buying bread all the time. Funny taste they have - I never cared for bread especially, except for a toasted cracker31 with the Roquefort. But we might find a few of 'em and chuck some of dad's cash back where it came from I'd feel better if I could. It seems tough for people to be held up for a soggy thing like bread. One wouldn't mind standing32 a rise in broiled33 lobsters34 or deviled crabs35. Get to work and think, Ken. I want to pay back all that money I can."
"There are plenty of charities," said Kenwitz, mechanically.
"Easy enough," said Dan, in a cloud of smoke. "I suppose I could give the city a park, or endow an asparagus bed in a hospital. But I don't want Paul to get away with the proceeds of the gold brick we sold Peter. It's the bread shorts I want to cover, Ken."
The thin fingers of Kenwitz moved rapidly.
"Do you know how much money it would take to pay back the losses of consumers during that corner in flour?" he asked.
"I do not." said Dan, stoutly36. "My lawyer tells me that I have two millions."
"If you had a hundred millions," said Kenwitz, vehemently37, "you couldn't repair a thousandth part of the damage that has been done. You cannot conceive of the accumulated evils produced by misapplied wealth. Each penny that was wrung38 from the lean purses of the poor reacted a thousandfold to their harm. You do not understand. You do not see how hopeless is your desire to make restitution. Not in a single instance can it be done."
"Back up, philosopher!" said Dan. "The penny has no sorrow that the dollar cannot heal."
"Not in one instance," repeated Kenwitz. "I will give you one, and let us see. Thomas Boyne had a little bakery over there in Varick Street. He sold bread to the poorest people. When the price of flour went up he had to raise the price of bread. His customers were too poor to pay it, Boyne's business failed and he lost his $1,000 capital - all he had in the world."
Dan Kinsolving struck the park bench a mighty39 blow with his fist.
"I accept the instance," he cried. "Take me to Boyne. I will repay his thousand dollars and buy him a new bakery."
"Write your check," said Kenwitz, without moving, "and then begin to write checks in payment of the train of consequences. Draw the next one for $50,000. Boyne went insane after his failure and set fire to the building from which he was about to be evicted40. The loss amounted to that much. Boyne died in an asylum41."
"Stick to the instance," said Dan. "I haven't noticed any insurance companies on my charity list."
"Draw your next check for $100,000," went on Kenwitz. "Boyne's son fell into bad way after the bakery closed, and was accused of murder. he was acquitted42 last week after a three years' legal battle, and the state draws upon taxpayers43 for that much expense."
"Back to the bakery!" exclaimed Dan, impatiently. "The Government doesn't need to stand in the bread line."
"The last item of the instance is - come and I will show you," said Kenwitz, rising.
The Socialistic watchmaker was happy. He was a millionaire-baiter by nature and a pessimist44 by trade. Kenwitz would assure you in one breath that money was but evil and corruption45, and that your brand-new watch needed cleaning and a new ratchet-wheel.
He conducted Kinsolving southward out of the square and into ragged46, poverty-haunted Varick Street. Up the narrow stairway of a squalid brick tenement47 he led the penitent48 offspring of the Octupus. He knocked on a door, and a clear voice called to them to enter.
In that almost bare room a young woman sat sewing at a machine. She nodded to Kenwitz as to a familiar acquaintance. One little stream of sunlight through the dingy window burnished49 her heavy hair to the color of an ancient Tuscan's shield. She flashed a rippling50 smile at Kenwitz and a look of somewhat flustered51 inquiry52.
Kinsolving stood regarding her clear and pathetic beauty in heart-throbbing silence. Thus they came into the presence of the last item of the Instance.
"How many this week, Miss Mary?" asked the watchmaker. A mountain of coarse gray shirts lay upon the floor.
"Nearly thirty dozen," said the young woman cheerfully. "I've made almost $4. I'm improving, Mr. Kenwitz. I hardly know what to do with so much money." Her eyes turned, brightly soft, in the direction of Dan. A little pink spot came out on her round, pale cheek.
Kenwitz chuckled53 like a diabolic raven54.
"Miss Boyne," he said, "let me present Mr. Kinsolving, the son of the man who put bread up five years ago. He thinks he would like to do something to aid those who where inconvenienced by that act."
The smile left the young woman's face. She rose and pointed55 her forefinger56 toward the door. This time she looked Kinsolving straight in the eye, but it was not a look that gave delight.
The two men went down Varick Street. Kenwitz, letting all his pessimism57 and rancor58 and hatred59 of the Octopus22 come to the surface, gibed60 at the moneyed side of his friend in an acrid61 torrent62 of words. Dan appeared to be listening, and then turned to Kenwitz and shook hands with him warmly.
"I'm obliged to you, Ken, old man," he said, vaguely63 -"a thousand times obliged."
"Mein Gott! you are crazy!" cried the watchmaker, dropping his spectacles for the first time in years.
Two months afterward64 Kenwitz went into a large bakery on lower Broadway with a pair of gold-rimmed eyeglasses that he had mended for the proprietor65.
A lady was giving an order to a clerk as Kenwitz passed her.
"These loaves are ten cents," said the clerk.
"I always get them at eight cents uptown," said the lady. "You need not fill the order. I will drive by there on my way home."
The voice was familiar. The watchmaker paused.
"Mr. Kenwitz!" cried the lady, heartily66. "How do you do?"
Kenwitz was trying to train his socialistic and economic comprehension on her wonderful fur boa and the carriage waiting outside.
"Why, Miss Boyne!" he began.
"Mrs. Kinsolving," she corrected. "Dan and I were married a month ago."
1 subscriber | |
n.用户,订户;(慈善机关等的)定期捐款者;预约者;签署者 | |
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2 mathematician | |
n.数学家 | |
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3 heresy | |
n.异端邪说;异教 | |
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4 algebra | |
n.代数学 | |
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5 elusive | |
adj.难以表达(捉摸)的;令人困惑的;逃避的 | |
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6 futures | |
n.期货,期货交易 | |
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7 landlady | |
n.女房东,女地主 | |
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8 perspicacity | |
n. 敏锐, 聪明, 洞察力 | |
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9 mansion | |
n.大厦,大楼;宅第 | |
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10 retired | |
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的 | |
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11 ken | |
n.视野,知识领域 | |
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12 altruistic | |
adj.无私的,为他人着想的 | |
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13 foe | |
n.敌人,仇敌 | |
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14 oligarchies | |
n.寡头统治的政府( oligarchy的名词复数 );寡头政治的执政集团;寡头统治的国家 | |
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15 jewelry | |
n.(jewllery)(总称)珠宝 | |
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16 jovial | |
adj.快乐的,好交际的 | |
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17 joyously | |
ad.快乐地, 高兴地 | |
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18 dingy | |
adj.昏暗的,肮脏的 | |
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19 philosophical | |
adj.哲学家的,哲学上的,达观的 | |
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20 eminent | |
adj.显赫的,杰出的,有名的,优良的 | |
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21 octopuses | |
章鱼( octopus的名词复数 ) | |
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22 octopus | |
n.章鱼 | |
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23 laboring | |
n.劳动,操劳v.努力争取(for)( labor的现在分词 );苦干;详细分析;(指引擎)缓慢而困难地运转 | |
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24 awfully | |
adv.可怕地,非常地,极端地 | |
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25 buck | |
n.雄鹿,雄兔;v.马离地跳跃 | |
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26 fierily | |
如火地,炽热地,猛烈地 | |
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27 sardonic | |
adj.嘲笑的,冷笑的,讥讽的 | |
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28 repent | |
v.悔悟,悔改,忏悔,后悔 | |
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29 restitution | |
n.赔偿;恢复原状 | |
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30 lighting | |
n.照明,光线的明暗,舞台灯光 | |
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31 cracker | |
n.(无甜味的)薄脆饼干 | |
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32 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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33 broiled | |
a.烤过的 | |
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34 lobsters | |
龙虾( lobster的名词复数 ); 龙虾肉 | |
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35 crabs | |
n.蟹( crab的名词复数 );阴虱寄生病;蟹肉v.捕蟹( crab的第三人称单数 ) | |
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36 stoutly | |
adv.牢固地,粗壮的 | |
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37 vehemently | |
adv. 热烈地 | |
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38 wrung | |
绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 ); 握紧(尤指别人的手); 把(湿衣服)拧干; 绞掉(水) | |
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39 mighty | |
adj.强有力的;巨大的 | |
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40 evicted | |
v.(依法从房屋里或土地上)驱逐,赶出( evict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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41 asylum | |
n.避难所,庇护所,避难 | |
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42 acquitted | |
宣判…无罪( acquit的过去式和过去分词 ); 使(自己)作出某种表现 | |
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43 taxpayers | |
纳税人,纳税的机构( taxpayer的名词复数 ) | |
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44 pessimist | |
n.悲观者;悲观主义者;厌世 | |
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45 corruption | |
n.腐败,堕落,贪污 | |
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46 ragged | |
adj.衣衫褴褛的,粗糙的,刺耳的 | |
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47 tenement | |
n.公寓;房屋 | |
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48 penitent | |
adj.后悔的;n.后悔者;忏悔者 | |
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49 burnished | |
adj.抛光的,光亮的v.擦亮(金属等),磨光( burnish的过去式和过去分词 );被擦亮,磨光 | |
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50 rippling | |
起涟漪的,潺潺流水般声音的 | |
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51 flustered | |
adj.慌张的;激动不安的v.使慌乱,使不安( fluster的过去式和过去分词) | |
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52 inquiry | |
n.打听,询问,调查,查问 | |
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53 chuckled | |
轻声地笑( chuckle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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54 raven | |
n.渡鸟,乌鸦;adj.乌亮的 | |
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55 pointed | |
adj.尖的,直截了当的 | |
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56 forefinger | |
n.食指 | |
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57 pessimism | |
n.悲观者,悲观主义者,厌世者 | |
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58 rancor | |
n.深仇,积怨 | |
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59 hatred | |
n.憎恶,憎恨,仇恨 | |
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60 gibed | |
v.嘲笑,嘲弄( gibe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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61 acrid | |
adj.辛辣的,尖刻的,刻薄的 | |
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62 torrent | |
n.激流,洪流;爆发,(话语等的)连发 | |
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63 vaguely | |
adv.含糊地,暖昧地 | |
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64 afterward | |
adv.后来;以后 | |
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65 proprietor | |
n.所有人;业主;经营者 | |
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66 heartily | |
adv.衷心地,诚恳地,十分,很 | |
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