A voice said:
“Drink this.”
Norma was shivering. Her eyes had a dazed look. She shrank back a little in the chair. Thecommand was repeated. “Drink this.” This time she drank obediently, then choked a little.
“It’s—it’s very strong,” she gasped1.
“It’ll put you right. You’ll feel better in a minute. Just sit still and wait.”
The sickness and the giddiness which had been confusing her passed off. A little colour cameinto her cheeks, and the shivering diminished. For the first time she looked round her, noting hersurroundings. She had been obsessed2 by a feeling of fear and horror but now things seemed to bereturning to normal. It was a medium-sized room and it was furnished in a way that seemed faintlyfamiliar. A desk, a couch, an armchair and an ordinary chair, a stethoscope on a side table andsome machine that she thought had to do with eyes. Then her attention went from the general tothe particular. The man who had told her to drink.
She saw a man of perhaps thirty-odd with red hair and a rather attractive ugly face, the kind offace that is craggy but interesting. He nodded at her in a reassuring3 fashion.
“Beginning to get your bearings?”
“I—I think so. I—did you—what happened?”
“Don’t you remember?”
“The traffic. I—it came at me—it—” She looked at him. “I was run over.”
“Oh no, you weren’t run over.” He shook his head. “I saw to that.”
“You?”
“Well, there you were in the middle of the road, a car bearing down on you and I just managedto snatch you out of its way. What were you thinking of to go running into the traffic like that?”
“I can’t remember. I—yes, I suppose I must have been thinking of something else.”
“A Jaguar4 was coming pretty fast, and there was a bus bearing down on the other side of theroad. The car wasn’t trying to run you down or anything like that, was it?”
“I—no, no, I’m sure it wasn’t. I mean I—”
“Well, I wondered—It just might have been something else, mightn’t it?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it could have been deliberate, you know.”
“What do you mean by deliberate?”
“Actually I just wondered whether you were trying to get yourself killed?” He added casually5,“Were you?”
“I—no—well—no, of course not.”
“Damn’ silly way to do it, if so.” His tone changed slightly. “Come now, you must remembersomething about it.”
She began shivering again. “I thought—I thought it would be all over. I thought—”
“So you were trying to kill yourself, weren’t you? What’s the matter? You can tell me.
Boyfriend? That can make one feel pretty bad. Besides, there’s always the hopeful thought that ifyou kill yourself you make him sorry—but one should never trust to that. People don’t like feelingsorry or feeling anything is their fault. All the boyfriend will probably say is, ‘I always thought shewas unbalanced. It’s really all for the best.’ Just remember that next time you have an urge tocharge Jaguars6. Even Jaguars have feelings to be considered. Was that the trouble? Boyfriend walkout on you?”
“No,” said Norma. “Oh no. It was quite the opposite.” She added suddenly, “He wanted tomarry me.”
“That’s no reason for throwing yourself down in front of a Jaguar.”
“Yes it is. I did it because—” She stopped.
“You’d better tell me about it, hadn’t you?”
“How did I get here?” asked Norma.
“I brought you here in a taxi. You didn’t seem injured—a few bruises7, I expect. You merelylooked shaken to death, and in a state of shock. I asked you your address, but you looked at me asthough you didn’t know what I was talking about. A crowd was about to collect. So I hailed a taxiand brought you here.”
“Is this a—a doctor’s surgery?”
“This is a doctor’s consulting room and I’m the doctor. Stillingfleet, my name is.”
“I don’t want to see a doctor! I don’t want to talk to a doctor! I don’t—”
“Calm down, calm down. You’ve been talking to a doctor for the last ten minutes. What’s thematter with doctors, anyway?”
“I’m afraid. I’m afraid a doctor would say—”
“Come now, my dear girl, you’re not consulting me professionally. Regard me as a mereoutsider who’s been enough of a busybody to save you from being killed or, what is far morelikely, having a broken arm or a fractured leg or a head injury or something extremely unpleasantwhich might incapacitate you for life. There are other disadvantages. Formerly8, if you deliberatelytried to commit suicide you could be had up in Court. You still can if it’s a suicide pact9. Therenow, you can’t say I haven’t been frank. You could oblige now by being frank with me, andtelling me why on earth you’re afraid of doctors. What’s a doctor ever done to you?”
“Nothing. Nothing has been done to me. But I’m afraid that they might—”
“Might what?”
“Shut me up.”
Dr. Stillingfleet raised his sandy eyebrows10 and looked at her.
“Well, well,” he said. “You seem to have some very curious ideas about doctors. Why should Iwant to shut you up? Would you like a cup of tea,” he added, “or would you prefer a purple heartor a tranquilliser? That’s the kind of thing people of your age go in for. Done a bit yourself in thatline, haven’t you?”
She shook her head. “Not—not really.”
“I don’t believe you. Anyway, why the alarm and despondency? You’re not really mental, areyou? I shouldn’t have said so. Doctors aren’t at all anxious to have people shut up. Mental homesare far too full already. Difficult to squeeze in another body. In fact lately they’ve been letting agood many people out—in desperation—pushing them out, you might say—who jolly well oughtto have been kept in. Everything’s so overcrowded in this country.
“Well,” he went on, “what are your tastes? Something out of my drug cupboard or a good solidold-fashioned English cup of tea?”
“I—I’d like some tea,” said Norma.
“Indian or China? That’s the thing to ask, isn’t it? Mind you, I’m not sure if I’ve got anyChina.”
“I like Indian better.”
“Good.”
He went to the door, opened it and shouted, “Annie. Pot of tea for two.”
He came back and sat down and said, “Now you get this quite clear, young lady. What’s yourname, by the way?”
“Norma Res—” she stopped.
“Yes?”
“Norma West.”
“Well, Miss West, let’s get this clear. I’m not treating you, you’re not consulting me. You arethe victim of a street accident—that is the way we’ll put it and that is the way I suppose you meantit to appear, which would have been pretty hard on the fellow in the Jaguar.”
“I thought of throwing myself off a bridge first.”
“Did you? You wouldn’t have found that so easy. People who build bridges are rather carefulnowadays. I mean you’d have had to climb up onto the parapet and it’s not so easy. Somebodystops you. Well, to continue with my dissertation11, I brought you home as you were in too much ofa state of shock to tell me your address. What is it, by the way?”
“I haven’t got an address. I—I don’t live anywhere.”
“Interesting,” said Dr. Stillingfleet. “What the police call ‘of no fixed12 abode13.’ What do you do—sit out on the Embankment all night?”
She looked at him suspiciously.
“I could have reported the accident to the police but there was no obligation upon me to do so. Ipreferred to take the view that in a state of maiden14 meditation15 you were crossing the street beforelooking left first.”
“You’re not at all like my idea of a doctor,” said Norma.
“Really? Well, I’ve been getting gradually disillusioned16 in my profession in this country. Infact, I’m giving up my practice here and I’m going to Australia in about a fortnight. So you’requite safe from me, and you can if you like tell me how you see pink elephants walking out of thewall, how you think the trees are leaning out their branches to wrap round and strangle you, howyou think you know just when the devil looks out of people’s eyes, or any other cheerful fantasy,and I shan’t do a thing about it! You look sane17 enough, if I may say so.”
“I don’t think I am.”
“Well, you may be right,” said Dr. Stillingfleet handsomely. “Let’s hear what your reasons are.”
“I do things and don’t remember about them…I tell people things about what I’ve done but Idon’t remember telling them….”
“It sounds as though you have a bad memory.”
“You don’t understand. They’re all—wicked things.”
“Religious mania18? Now that would be very interesting.”
“It’s not religious. It’s just—just hate.”
There was a tap at the door and an elderly woman came in with a tea tray. She put it down onthe desk and went out again.
“Sugar?” said Dr. Stillingfleet.
“Yes, please.”
“Sensible girl. Sugar is very good for you when you’ve had a shock.” He poured out two cupsof tea, set hers at her side and placed the sugar basin beside it. “Now then,” he sat down. “Whatwere we talking about? Oh yes, hate.”
“It is possible, isn’t it, that you could hate someone so much that you really want to kill them?”
“Oh, yes,” said Stillingfleet, cheerfully still. “Perfectly19 possible. In fact, most natural. But evenif you really want to do it you can’t always screw yourself up to the point, you know. The humanbeing is equipped with a natural braking system and it applies the brakes for you just at the rightmoment.”
“You make it sound so ordinary,” said Norma. There was a distinct overtone of annoyance20 inher voice.
“Oh, well, it is quite natural. Children feel like it almost every day. Lose their tempers, say totheir mothers or their fathers: ‘You’re wicked, I hate you, I wish you were dead.’ Mothers, beingsometimes sensible people, don’t usually pay any attention. When you grow up, you still hatepeople, but you can’t take quite so much trouble wanting to kill them by then. Or if you still do—well, then you go to prison. That is, if you actually brought yourself to do such a messy anddifficult job. You aren’t putting all this on, are you, by the way?” he asked casually.
“Of course not.” Norma sat up straight. Her eyes flashed with anger. “Of course not. Do youthink I would say such awful things if they weren’t true?”
“Well, again,” said Dr. Stillingfleet, “people do. They say all sorts of awful things aboutthemselves and enjoy saying them.” He took her empty cup from her. “Now then,” he said, “you’dbetter tell me all about everything. Who you hate, why you hate them, what you’d like to do tothem.”
“Love can turn to hate.”
“Sounds like a melodramatic ballad21. But remember hate can turn to love, too. It works bothways. And you say it’s not a boyfriend. He was your man and he did you wrong. None of thatstuff, eh?”
“No, no. Nothing like that. It’s—it’s my stepmother.”
“The cruel stepmother motif22. But that’s nonsense. At your age you can get away from astepmother. What has she done to you besides marrying your father? Do you hate him too, or areyou so devoted23 to him that you don’t want to share him?”
“It’s not like that at all. Not at all. I used to love him once. I loved him dearly. He was—he was—I thought he was wonderful.”
“Now then,” said Dr. Stillingfleet, “listen to me. I’m going to suggest something. You see thatdoor?”
Norma turned her head and looked in a puzzled fashion at the door.
“Perfectly ordinary door, isn’t it? Not locked. Opens and shuts in the ordinary way. Go on, try itfor yourself. You saw my housekeeper24 come in and go out through it, didn’t you? No illusions.
Come on. Get up. Do what I tell you.”
Norma rose from her chair and rather hesitatingly went to the door and opened it. She stood inthe aperture25, her head turned towards him inquiringly.
“Right. What do you see? A perfectly ordinary hallway, wants redecorating but it’s not worthhaving it done when I’m just off to Australia. Now go to the front door, open it, also no tricksabout it. Go outside and down to the pavement and that will show you that you are perfectly freewith no attempts to shut you up in any way. After that, when you have satisfied yourself that youcould walk out of this place at any minute you like, come back, sit in that comfortable chair overthere and tell me all about yourself. After which I will give you my valuable advice. You needn’ttake it,” he added consolingly. “People seldom do take advice, but you might as well have it. See?
Agreed?”
Norma got up slowly, she went a little shakily out of the room, out into—as the doctor haddescribed—the perfectly ordinary hallway, opened the front door with a simple catch, down foursteps and stood on the pavement in a street of decorous but rather uninteresting houses. She stoodthere a moment, unaware26 that she was being watched through a lace blind by Dr. Stillingfleethimself. She stood there for about two minutes, then with a slightly more resolute27 bearing sheturned, went up the steps again, shut the front door and came back into the room.
“All right?” said Dr. Stillingfleet. “Satisfied you there’s nothing up my sleeve? All clear andaboveboard.”
The girl nodded.
“Right. Sit down there. Make yourself comfortable. Do you smoke?”
“Well, I—”
“Only reefers—something of that kind? Never mind, you needn’t tell me.”
“Of course I don’t take anything of that kind.”
“I shouldn’t have said there was any ‘of course’ about it, but one must believe what the patienttells one. All right. Now tell me about yourself.”
“I—I don’t know. There’s nothing to tell really. Don’t you want me to lie down on a couch?”
“Oh, you mean your memory of dreams and all that stuff? No, not particularly. I just like to geta background. You know. You were born, you lived in the country or the town, you have brothersand sisters or you’re an only child and so on. When your own mother died, were you very upset byher death?”
“Of course I was.” Norma sounded indignant.
“You’re much too fond of saying of course, Miss West. By the way, West isn’t really yourname, is it? Oh, never mind, I don’t want to know any other one. Call yourself West or East orNorth or anything you like. Anyway, what went on after your mother died?”
“She was an invalid28 for a long time before she died. In nursing homes a good deal. I stayed withan aunt, rather an old aunt, down in Devonshire. She wasn’t really an aunt, she was Mother’s firstcousin. And then my father came home just about six months ago. It—it was wonderful.” Her facelighted up suddenly. She was unaware of the quick, shrewd glance the apparently29 casual youngman shot at her. “I could hardly remember him, you know. He must have gone away when I wasabout five. I didn’t really think I’d ever see him again. Mother didn’t very often talk about him. Ithink at first she hoped that he’d give up this other woman and come back.”
“Other woman?”
“Yes. He went away with someone. She was a very bad woman, Mother said. Mother talkedabout her very bitterly and very bitterly about Father too, but I used to think that perhaps—perhapsFather wasn’t as bad as she thought, that it was all this woman’s fault.”
“Did they marry?”
“No. Mother said she would never divorce Father. She was a—is it an Anglican?—very HighChurch, you know. Rather like a Roman Catholic. She didn’t believe in divorce.”
“Did they go on living together? What was the woman’s name or is that a secret too?”
“I don’t remember her last name.” Norma shook her head. “No, I don’t think they lived togetherlong, but I don’t know much about it all, you see. They went to South Africa but I think theyquarrelled and parted quite soon because that’s when Mother said she hoped Father might comeback again. But he didn’t. He didn’t write even. Not even to me. But he sent me things atChristmas. Presents always.”
“He was fond of you?”
“I don’t know. How could I tell? Nobody ever spoke30 about him. Only Uncle Simon—hisbrother, you know. He was in business in the City and he was very angry that Father had chuckedup everything. He said he had always been the same, could never settle to anything, but he said hewasn’t a bad chap really. He said he was just weak. I didn’t often see Uncle Simon. It was alwaysMother’s friends. Most of them were dreadfully dull. My whole life has been very dull….
“Oh, it seemed so wonderful that Father was really coming home. I tried to remember himbetter. You know, things he had said, games he had played with me. He used to make me laugh alot. I tried to see if I couldn’t find some old snapshots or photographs of him. They seem all tohave been thrown away. I think Mother must have torn them all up.”
“She had remained vindictive31 then.”
“I think it was really Louise she was vindictive against.”
“Louise?”
He saw a slight stiffening32 on the girl’s part.
“I don’t remember—I told you—I don’t remember any names.”
“Never mind. You’re talking about the woman your father ran away with. Is that it?”
“Yes. Mother said she drank too much and took drugs and would come to a bad end.”
“But you don’t know whether she did?”
“I don’t know anything.”…Her emotion was rising. “I wish you wouldn’t ask me questions! Idon’t know anything about her! I never heard of her again! I’d forgotten her until you spoke abouther. I tell you I don’t know anything.”
“Well, well,” said Dr. Stillingfleet. “Don’t get so agitated33. You don’t need to bother about pasthistory. Let’s think about the future. What are you going to do next?”
Norma gave a deep sigh.
“I don’t know. I’ve nowhere to go. I can’t—it’s much better—I’m sure it’s much better to—toend it all—only—”
“Only you can’t make the attempt a second time, is that it? It would be very foolish if you did, Ican tell you that, my girl. All right, you’ve nowhere to go, no one to trust; got any money?”
“Yes, I’ve got a banking34 account, and Father pays so much into it every quarter but I’m notsure…I think perhaps, by now, they might be looking for me. I don’t want to be found.”
“You needn’t be. I’ll fix that up for you all right. Place called Kenway Court. Not as fine as itsounds. It’s a kind of convalescent nursing home where people go for a rest cure. It’s got nodoctors or couches, and you won’t be shut up there, I can promise you. You can walk out anytimeyou like. You can have breakfast in bed, stay in bed all day if you like. Have a good rest and I’llcome down one day and talk to you and we’ll solve a few problems together. Will that suit you?
Are you willing?”
Norma looked at him. She sat, without expression, staring at him; slowly she nodded her head.
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收听单词发音
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1
gasped
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| v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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obsessed
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| adj.心神不宁的,鬼迷心窍的,沉迷的 | |
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reassuring
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| a.使人消除恐惧和疑虑的，使人放心的 | |
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4
jaguar
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| n.美洲虎 | |
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casually
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| adv.漠不关心地，无动于衷地，不负责任地 | |
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6
jaguars
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| n.（中、南美洲的）美洲虎( jaguar的名词复数 ) | |
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bruises
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| n.瘀伤，伤痕，擦伤( bruise的名词复数 ) | |
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8
formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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pact
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| n.合同，条约，公约，协定 | |
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eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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dissertation
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| n.（博士学位）论文，学术演讲，专题论文 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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abode
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| n.住处，住所 | |
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maiden
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| n.少女，处女；adj.未婚的，纯洁的，无经验的 | |
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meditation
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| n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录 | |
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16
disillusioned
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| a.不再抱幻想的，大失所望的，幻想破灭的 | |
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sane
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| adj.心智健全的，神志清醒的，明智的，稳健的 | |
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18
mania
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| n.疯狂；躁狂症，狂热，癖好 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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ballad
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| n.歌谣，民谣，流行爱情歌曲 | |
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motif
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| n.(图案的)基本花纹，(衣服的)花边；主题 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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housekeeper
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| n.管理家务的主妇，女管家 | |
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aperture
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| n.孔，隙，窄的缺口 | |
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unaware
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| a.不知道的，未意识到的 | |
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resolute
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| adj.坚决的，果敢的 | |
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invalid
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| n.病人，伤残人；adj.有病的，伤残的；无效的 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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30
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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31
vindictive
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| adj.有报仇心的，怀恨的，惩罚的 | |
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32
stiffening
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| n. (使衣服等)变硬的材料, 硬化 动词stiffen的现在分词形式 | |
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33
agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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banking
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| n.银行业，银行学，金融业 | |
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