It was, I think, on the following morning before lunch that a conversation took place which left mevaguely disquieted1.
There were four of us—Judith, myself, Boyd Carrington and Norton.
Exactly how the subject started, I am not sure, but we were talking of euthanasia—the case forand against it.
Boyd Carrington, as was natural, did most of the talking, Norton putting in a word or two hereand there and Judith sitting silent but closely attentive2.
I myself had confessed that though there seemed, on the face of it, every reason to support thepractice, yet in actuality I felt a sentimental3 shrinking from it. Besides, I said, I thought it wouldput too much power in the hands of relatives.
Norton agreed with me. He added that he thought it should only be done by the wish andconsent of the patient himself where death after prolonged suffering was certain.
Boyd Carrington said: “Ah, but that’s the curious thing. Does the person most concerned everwish to ‘put himself out of his misery,’ as we say?”
He then told a story which he said was authentic4, of a man in terrible pain from inoperablecancer. This man had begged the doctor in attendance to “give him something that would finish itall.” The doctor had replied: “I can’t do that, old man.” Later, on leaving, he had placed by thepatient some morphia tablets, tellinghim carefully how many he could safely take and what dosewould be dangerous. Although these were left in the patient’s charge and he could easily havetaken a fatal quantity, he did not do so. “Thus proving,” said Boyd Carrington, “that, in spite of hiswords, the man preferred his suffering to a swift and merciful release.”
It was then that Judith spoke5 for the first time, spoke with vigour6 and abruptly7. “Of course hewould,” she said. “It shouldn’t have been left to him to decide.”
Boyd Carrington asked what she meant.
“I mean that anyone who’s weak—in pain and ill—hasn’t got the strength to make a decision—they can’t. It must be done for them. It’s the duty of someone who loves them to take thedecision.”
“Duty?” I queried8 abruptly.
Judith turned on me. “Yes, duty. Someone whose mind is clear and who will take theresponsibility.”
Boyd Carrington shook his head. “And end up in the dock charged with murder?”
“Not necessarily. Anyway, if you love someone, you would take the risk.”
“But look here, Judith,” said Norton, “what you’re suggesting is simply a terrific responsibilityto take.”
“I don’t think it is. People are too afraid of responsibility. They’ll take responsibility where adog is concerned—why not with a human being?”
“Well—it’s rather different, isn’t it?”
Judith said: “Yes, it’s more important.”
Norton murmured: “You take my breath away.”
Boyd Carrington asked curiously9: “So you’d take the risk, would you?”
“I think so. I’m not afraid of taking risks.”
Boyd Carrington shook his head. “It wouldn’t do, you know. You can’t have people here, there,and everywhere, taking the law into their own hands, deciding matters of life and death.”
Norton said: “Actually, you know, Boyd Carrington, most people wouldn’t have the nerve totake the responsibility.” He smiled faintly as he looked at Judith. “Don’t believe you would if itcame to the point.”
Judith said composedly: “One can’t be sure, of course. I think I should.”
Norton said with a slight twinkle: “Not unless you had an axe10 of your own to grind.”
Judith flushed hotly. She said sharply: “That just shows you don’t understand at all. If I had a—a personal motive11, I couldn’t do anything. Don’t you see?” she appealed to us all. “It’s got to beabsolutely impersonal12. You could only take the responsibility of—of ending a life if you werequite sure of your motive. It must be absolutely selfless.”
“All the same,” said Norton, “you wouldn’t do it.”
Judith insisted: “I would. To begin with I don’t hold life as sacred as all you people do. Unfitlives, useless lives—they should be got out of the way. There’s so much mess about. Only peoplewho can make a decent contribution to the community ought to be allowed to live. The othersought to be put painlessly away.”
She appealed suddenly to Boyd Carrington.
“You agree with me, don’t you?”
He said slowly: “In principle, yes. Only the worthwhile should survive.”
“Wouldn’t you take the law into your own hands if it was necessary?”
Boyd Carrington said slowly: “Perhaps. I don’t know. .?.?.”
Norton said quietly: “A lot of people would agree with you in theory. But practice is a differentmatter.”
“That’s not logical.”
Norton said impatiently: “Of course it’s not. It’s really a question of courage. One just hasn’tgot the guts13, to put it vulgarly.”
Judith was silent. Norton went on.
“Frankly14, you know, Judith, you’d be just the same yourself. You wouldn’t have the couragewhen it came to it.”
“Don’t you think so?”
“I’m sure of it.”
“I think you’re wrong, Norton,” said Boyd Carrington. “I think Judith has any amount ofcourage. Fortunately the issue doesn’t present itself.”
The gong sounded from the house.
Judith got up.
She said very distinctly to Norton: “You’re wrong, you know. I’ve got more—more guts thanyou think.”
She went swiftly towards the house. Boyd Carrington followed her saying, “Hey, wait for me,Judith.”
I followed, feeling for some reason rather dismayed. Norton, who was always quick to sense amood, endeavoured to console me.
“She doesn’t mean it, you know,” he said. “It’s the sort of half-baked idea one has when one isyoung, but fortunately one doesn’t carry it out. It remains15 just talk.”
I think Judith overheard, for she cast a furious glance over her shoulder.
Norton dropped his voice. “Theories needn’t worry anybody,” he said. “But look here, Hastings—”
“Yes?”
Norton seemed rather embarrassed. He said: “I don’t want to butt16 in, but what do you know ofAllerton?”
“Of Allerton?”
“Yes, sorry if I’m being a Nosy17 Parker, but frankly if I were you I shouldn’t let that girl ofyours see too much of him. He’s—well, his reputation isn’t very good.”
“I can see for myself the sort of rotter he is,” I said bitterly. “But it’s not so easy in these days.”
“Oh, I know. Girls can look after themselves, as the saying goes. Most of them can, too. But—well—Allerton has rather a special technique in that line.” He hesitated, then said: “Look here, Ifeel I ought to tell you. Don’t let it go farther, of course—but I do happen to know somethingpretty foul18 about him.”
He told it me then and there—and I was able to verify it in every detail later. It was a revoltingtale. The story of a girl, sure of herself, modern, independent. Allerton had brought all histechnique to bear upon her. Later had come the other side of the picture—the story ended with adesperate girl taking her own life with an overdose of Veronal.
And the horrible part was that the girl in question had been much the same type as Judith—theindependent, highbrow kind. The kind of girl who when she does lose her heart, loses it with adesperation and an abandonment that the silly little fluffy19 type can never know.
I went in to lunch with a horrible sense of foreboding.
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1
disquieted
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| v.使不安，使忧虑，使烦恼( disquiet的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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2
attentive
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| adj.注意的，专心的；关心(别人)的，殷勤的 | |
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3
sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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4
authentic
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| a.真的，真正的；可靠的，可信的，有根据的 | |
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5
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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6
vigour
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| （=vigor）n.智力，体力，精力 | |
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7
abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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8
queried
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| v.质疑，对…表示疑问( query的过去式和过去分词 )；询问 | |
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9
curiously
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| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
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10
axe
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| n.斧子；v.用斧头砍，削减 | |
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11
motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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12
impersonal
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| adj.无个人感情的，与个人无关的，非人称的 | |
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13
guts
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| v.狼吞虎咽，贪婪地吃，飞碟游戏（比赛双方每组5人，相距15码，互相掷接飞碟）；毁坏（建筑物等）的内部( gut的第三人称单数 )；取出…的内脏n.勇气( gut的名词复数 )；内脏；消化道的下段；肠 | |
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14
frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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15
remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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16
butt
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| n.笑柄；烟蒂；枪托；臀部；v.用头撞或顶 | |
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17
nosy
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| adj.鼻子大的，好管闲事的，爱追问的；n.大鼻者 | |
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18
foul
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| adj.污秽的；邪恶的；v.弄脏；妨害；犯规；n.犯规 | |
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19
fluffy
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| adj.有绒毛的，空洞的 | |
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