“There’s a young lady down below wanting to see you, sir.”
“A young lady?” Calgary looked surprised. He could not think who waslikely to visit him. He looked at the work which littered his desk, andfrowned. The voice of the hall porter spoke1 again, discreetly3 lowered.
“A real young lady, sir, a very nice young lady.”
“Oh, well. Show her up then.”
Calgary could not help smiling to himself slightly. The discreet2 under-tones and the assurance tickled4 his sense of humour. He wondered who itcould be who wanted to see him. He was completely astonished when hisdoor bell buzzed and on going to open it he was confronted by HesterArgyle.
“You!” The exclamation5 came out with full surprise. Then, “Come in,come in,” he said. He drew her inside and shut the door.
Strangely enough, his impression of her was almost the same as the firsttime he had seen her. She was dressed with no regard to the conventionsof London. She was hatless, her dark hair hanging round her face in akind of elf lock disarray6. The heavy tweed coat showed a dark green skirtand sweater underneath7. She looked as though she had just come inbreathless from a walk on the moor8.
“Please,” said Hester, “please, you’ve got to help me.”
“To help you?” He was startled. “In what way? Of course I’ll help you if Ican.”
“I didn’t know what to do,” said Hester. “I didn’t know who to come to.
But someone’s got to help me. I can’t go on, and you’re the person. Youstarted it all.”
“You’re in trouble of some kind? Bad trouble?”
“We’re all in trouble,” said Hester. “But one’s so selfish, isn’t one? Imean, I only think of myself.”
“Sit down, my dear,” he said gently.
He cleared papers off an armchair and settled her there. Then he wentover to his corner cupboard.
“You must have a glass of wine,” he said. “A glass of dry sherry. Will thatsuit you?”
“If you like. It doesn’t matter.”
“It’s very wet and cold out. You need something.”
He turned, decanter and glass in hand. Hester was slumped9 down in thechair with a queer kind of angular grace that touched him by its completeabandonment.
“Don’t worry,” he said gently, as he put the glass by her side and filled it.
“Things are never quite so bad as they seem, you know.”
“People say that, but it’s not true,” said Hester. “Sometimes they’reworse than they seem.” She sipped10 the wine, then she said accusingly, “Wewere all right till you came. Quite all right. Then, then it all started.”
“I won’t pretend,” said Arthur Calgary, “that I don’t know what youmean. It took me completely aback when you first said that to me, but nowI understand better what my—my information must have brought to you.”
“So long as we thought it was Jacko—” Hester said and broke off.
“I know, Hester, I know. But you’ve got to go behind that, you know.
What you were living in was a false security. It wasn’t a real thing, it wasonly a thing of make-believe, of cardboard—a kind of stage scenery. Some-times that represented security but which was not really, and could neverbe, security.”
“You’re saying, aren’t you,” said Hester, “that one must have courage,that it’s no good snatching at a thing because it’s false and easy?” Shepaused a minute and then said: “You had courage! I realize that. To comeand tell us yourself. Not knowing how we’d feel, how we’d react. It wasbrave of you. I admire bravery because, you see, I’m not really very bravemyself.”
“Tell me,” said Calgary gently, “tell me just what the trouble is now. It’ssomething special, isn’t it?”
“I had a dream,” said Hester. “There’s someone—a young man—a doctor—”
“I see,” said Calgary. “You are friends, or, perhaps, more than friends?”
“I thought,” said Hester, “we were more than friends … And he thoughtso too. But you see, now that all this has come up—”
“Yes?” said Calgary.
“He thinks I did it,” said Hester. Her words came with a rush. “Or per-haps he doesn’t think I did it but he’s not sure. He can’t be sure. He thinks—I can see he thinks—that I’m the most likely person. Perhaps I am. Per-haps we all think that about each other. And I thought, somebody has gotto help us in the terrible mess we’re in, and I thought of you because of thedream. You see, I was lost and I couldn’t find Don. He’d left me and therewas a great big sort of ravine thing—an abyss. Yes, that’s the word. Anabyss. It sounds so deep, doesn’t it? So deep and so—so unbridgeable. Andyou were there on the other side and you held out your hands and said, ‘Iwant to help you.’” She drew a deep breath. “So I came to you. I ran awayand I came here because you’ve got to help us. If you don’t help us, I don’tknow what’s going to happen. You must help us. You brought all this.
You’ll say, perhaps, that it’s nothing to do with you. That having once toldus—told us the truth about what happened—that it’s no business of yours.
You’ll say—”
“No,” said Calgary, interrupting her. “I shall not say anything of thekind. It is my business, Hester. I agree with you. When you start a thingyou have to go on with it. I feel that every bit as much as you do.”
“Oh!” Colour flamed up into Hester’s face. Suddenly, as was the waywith her, she looked beautiful. “So I’m not alone!” she said. “There issomeone.”
“Yes, my dear, there is someone—for what he’s worth. So far I haven’tbeen worth very much, but I’m trying and I’ve never stopped trying tohelp.” He sat down and drew his chair nearer to her. “Now tell me allabout it,” he said. “Has it been very bad?”
“It’s one of us, you see,” said Hester. “We all know that. Mr. Marshallcame and we pretended it must have been someone who got in, but heknew it wasn’t. It’s one of us.”
“And your young man—what’s-his-name?”
“Don. Donald Craig. He’s a doctor.”
“Don thinks it’s you?”
“He’s afraid it’s me,” said Hester. She twisted her hands in a dramaticgesture. She looked at him. “Perhaps you think it’s me, too?”
“Oh, no,” said Calgary. “Oh no, I know quite well that you’re innocent.”
“You say that as though you were really quite sure.”
“I am quite sure,” said Calgary.
“But why? How can you be so sure?”
“Because of what you said to me when I left the house after telling all ofyou. Do you remember? What you said to me about innocence11. Youcouldn’t have said that—you couldn’t have felt that way—unless you wereinnocent.”
“Oh,” cried Hester. “Oh—the relief! To know there’s someone who reallyfeels like that!”
“So now,” said Calgary, “we can discuss it calmly, can’t we?”
“Yes,” said Hester. “It feels—it feels quite different now.”
“Just as a matter of interest,” said Calgary, “and keeping firmly in mindthat you know what I feel about it, why should anyone for one momentthink that you would kill your adopted mother?”
“I might have done,” said Hester. “I often felt like it. One does sometimesfeel just mad with rage. One feels so futile12, so—so helpless. Mother was al-ways so calm and so superior and knew everything, and was right abouteverything. Sometimes I would think, ‘Oh! I would like to kill her.’” Shelooked at him. “Do you understand? Didn’t you ever feel like that whenyou were young?”
The last words gave Calgary a sudden pang13, the same pang perhaps thathe had felt when Micky in the hotel at Drymouth had said to him, “Youlook older!” “When he was young?” Did it seem so very long ago to Hester?
He cast his mind back. He remembered himself at nine years old consult-ing with another small boy in the gardens of his prep school, wonderingingenuously what would be the best way to dispose of Mr. Warborough,their form master. He remembered the helplessness of rage that had con-sumed him when Mr. Warborough had been particularly sarcastic14 in hiscomments. That, he thought, was what Hester had felt too. But whateverhe and young—what was his name now?—Porch, yes, Porch had been theboy’s name—although he and young Porch had consulted and planned,they had never taken any active steps to bring about the demise15 of Mr.
Warborough.
“You know,” he said to Hester, “you ought to have got over those sort offeelings a good many years ago. I can understand them, of course.”
“It was just that Mother had that effect upon me,” said Hester. “I’m be-ginning to see now, you know, that it was my own fault. I feel that if onlyshe’d lived a little longer, just lived till I was a little older, a little moresettled, that—that we’d have been friends in a curious way. That I’d havebeen glad of her help and her advice. But—but as it was I couldn’t bear it;because, you see, it made me feel so ineffectual, so stupid. Everything I didwent wrong and I could see for myself that the things I did were foolishthings. That I’d only done them because I wanted to rebel, wanted toprove that I was myself. And I wasn’t anybody. I was fluid. Yes, that’s theword,” said Hester. “It’s exactly the word. Fluid. Never taking a shape forlong. Just trying on shapes—shapes—shapes of other people that I ad-mired. I thought, you see, if I ran away and went on the stage and had anaffair with someone, that—”
“That you would feel yourself, or at any rate, feel somebody?”
“Yes,” said Hester. “Yes, that’s just it. And of course really I see now thatI was just behaving like a silly child. But you don’t know how I wish, Dr.
Calgary, that Mother was alive now. Because it’s so unfair—unfair on her,I mean. She did so much for us and gave us so much. We didn’t give heranything back. And now it’s too late.” She paused. “That’s why,” she said,with a sudden renewal16 of vigour17, “I’ve determined18 to stop being silly andchildish. And you’ll help me, won’t you?”
“I’ve already said I’ll do anything in the world to help you.”
She gave him a quick, rather lovely smile.
“Tell me,” he said, “exactly what has been happening.”
“Just what I thought would happen,” said Hester. “We’ve all been look-ing at each other and wondering and we don’t know. Father looks atGwenda and thinks perhaps it was her. She looks at father and isn’t sure. Idon’t think they’re going to get married now. It’s spoilt everything. AndTina thinks Micky had something to do with it. I don’t know why becausehe wasn’t there that evening. And Kirsten thinks I did it and tries to pro-tect me. And Mary—that’s my older sister who you didn’t meet—Marythinks Kirsten did it.”
“And who do you think did it, Hester?”
“Me?” Hester sounded startled.
“Yes, you,” said Calgary. “I think, you know, it’s rather important toknow that.”
Hester spread out her hands. “I don’t know,” she wailed19. “I just don’tknow. I’m—it’s an awful thing to say—but I’m frightened of everybody. It’sas though behind each face there was another face. A—sinister sort of facethat I don’t know. I don’t feel sure that Father’s Father, and Kirsten keepssaying that I shouldn’t trust anybody—not even her. And I look at Maryand I feel I don’t know anything about her. And Gwenda—I’ve alwaysliked Gwenda. I’ve been glad that Father was going to marry Gwenda. Butnow I’m not sure about Gwenda any more. I see her as somebody differ-ent, ruthless and — and revengeful. I don’t know what anybody’s like.
There’s an awful feeling of unhappiness.”
“Yes,” said Calgary, “I can well imagine that.”
“There’s so much unhappiness,” said Hester, “that I can’t help feelingperhaps there’s the murderer’s unhappiness too. And that might be theworst of all … Do you think that’s likely?”
“It’s possible, I suppose,” said Calgary, “and yet I doubt—of course I’mnot an expert—I doubt if a murderer is ever really unhappy.”
“But why not? I should think it would be the most terrible thing to be, toknow you’d killed someone.”
“Yes,” said Calgary, “it is a terrible thing and therefore I think a mur-derer must be one of two kinds of people. Either a person to whom it hasnot been terrible to kill anyone, the kind of person who says to himself,‘Well, of course it was a pity to have to do that but it was necessary for myown well being. After all, it’s not my fault. I just—well, just had to do it.’ Orelse—”
“Yes?” said Hester, “what’s the other kind of murderer?”
“I’m only guessing, mind you, I don’t know, but I think if you were whatyou call the other kind of murderer, you wouldn’t be able to live with yourunhappiness over what you’d done. You’d either have to confess it or elseyou’d have to rewrite the story for yourself, as it were. Putting the blameon someone else, saying ‘I should never have done such a thing unless—’
such and such a thing had happened. ‘I’m not really a murderer because Ididn’t mean to do it. It just happened, and so really it was fate and not my-self.’ Do you understand a little what I am trying to say?”
“Yes,” said Hester, “and I think it’s very interesting.” She half-closed hereyes. “I’m just trying to think—”
“Yes, Hester,” said Calgary, “think. Think as hard as you can because ifI’m ever going to be able to help you I’ve got to see things through yourmind.”
“Micky hated Mother,” said Hester slowly. “He always did … I don’tknow why. Tina, I think, loved her. Gwenda didn’t like her. Kirsten was al-ways loyal to Mother though she didn’t always think that Mother was rightin all the things she did. Father—” She paused for a long time.
“Yes?” Calgary prompted her.
“Father’s gone a long way away again,” said Hester. “After Mother died,you know, he was quite different. Not so—what shall I call it—remote.
He’s been more human, more alive. But now he’s gone back to some—some sort of shadowy place where you can’t get at him. I don’t know whathe felt about Mother, really. I suppose he loved her when he married her.
They never quarrelled, but I don’t know what he felt about her. Oh”—herhands flew out again—“one doesn’t know what anyone feels, does one,really? I mean, what goes on behind their faces, behind their nice every-day words? They may be ravaged20 with hate or love or despair, and onewouldn’t know! It’s frightening … Oh, Dr. Calgary, it’s frightening!”
He took both her hands in his.
“You’re not a child any longer,” he said. “Only children are frightened.
You’re grown-up, Hester. You’re a woman.” He released her hands andsaid in a matter-of-fact tone: “Is there anywhere you can stay in London?”
Hester looked slightly bewildered.
“I suppose so. I don’t know. Mother usually stayed at Curtis’s.”
“Well, that’s a very nice, quiet hotel. I should go there and book a roomif I were you.”
“I’ll do anything you tell me to do,” said Hester.
“Good girl,” said Calgary. “What’s the time?” He looked up at the clock.
“Hallo, it’s about seven o’clock already. Supposing you go and book your-self a room, and I’ll come along about quarter to eight to take you out todinner. How would that suit you?”
“It sounds wonderful,” said Hester. “Do you really mean it?”
“Yes,” said Calgary, “I really mean it.”
“But after that? What’s going to happen next? I can’t go on staying, can I,at Curtis’s for ever?”
“Your horizon always seems bounded by infinity,” said Calgary.
“Are you laughing at me?” she asked him doubtfully.
“Just a little,” he said, and smiled.
Her expression wavered and then she, too, smiled.
“I suppose really,” she said confidentially21, “I’ve been dramatizing myselfagain.”
“It’s rather a habit of yours, I suspect,” said Calgary.
“That’s why I thought I should do well on the stage,” said Hester. “But Ididn’t. I was no good at all. Oh, I was a lousy actress.”
“You’ll get all the drama you want out of ordinary life, I should say,”
said Calgary. “Now I’m going to put you in a taxi, my dear, and you go offto Curtis’s. And wash your face and brush your hair,” he went on. “Haveyou got any luggage with you?”
“Oh, yes. I’ve got a sort of overnight bag.”
“Good.” He smiled at her. “Don’t worry, Hester,” he said again. “We’llthink of something.”
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收听单词发音
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1
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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2
discreet
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| adj.(言行)谨慎的；慎重的；有判断力的 | |
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3
discreetly
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| ad.(言行)审慎地，慎重地 | |
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4
tickled
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| （使）发痒( tickle的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）愉快，逗乐 | |
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5
exclamation
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| n.感叹号，惊呼，惊叹词 | |
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6
disarray
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| n.混乱，紊乱，凌乱 | |
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7
underneath
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| adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面 | |
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8
moor
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| n.荒野，沼泽；vt.(使)停泊；vi.停泊 | |
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slumped
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| 大幅度下降，暴跌( slump的过去式和过去分词 )； 沉重或突然地落下[倒下] | |
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10
sipped
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| v.小口喝，呷，抿( sip的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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11
innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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12
futile
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| adj.无效的，无用的，无希望的 | |
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13
pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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14
sarcastic
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| adj.讥讽的，讽刺的，嘲弄的 | |
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15
demise
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| n.死亡；v.让渡，遗赠，转让 | |
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renewal
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| adj.(契约)延期，续订，更新，复活，重来 | |
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17
vigour
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| （=vigor）n.智力，体力，精力 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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19
wailed
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| v.哭叫，哀号( wail的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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20
ravaged
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| 毁坏( ravage的过去式和过去分词 )； 蹂躏； 劫掠； 抢劫 | |
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21
confidentially
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| ad.秘密地，悄悄地 | |
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