Chapter 50

    I would have known right off, but Paul D distracted¹ me. Otherwise I would have seen myfingernail prints right there on your forehead for all the world to see. From when I held your headup, out in the shed. And later on, when you asked me about the earrings² I used to dangle³ for you toplay with, I would have recognized you right off, except for Paul D. Seems to me he wanted youout from the beginning, but I wouldn't let him. What you think? And look how he ran when hefound out about me and you in the shed. Too rough for him to listen to. Too thick, he said. My lovewas too thick. What he know about it? Who in the world is he willing to die for? Would he givehis privates to a stranger in return for a carving⁴? Some other way, he said. There must have beensome other way. Let schoolteacher haul⁵ us away, I guess, to measure your behind before he tore itup? I have felt what it felt like and nobody walking or stretched out is going to make you feel ittoo. Not you, not none of mine, and when I tell you you mine, I also mean I'm yours I wouldn'tdraw breath without my children. I told Baby Suggs that and she got down on her knees to begGod's pardon for me. Still, it's so. My plan was to take us all to the other side where my ownma'am is. They stopped me from getting us there, but they didn't stop you from getting here. Ha ha.

　　You came right on back like a good girl, like a daughter which is what I wanted to be and wouldhave been if my ma'am had been able to get out of the rice long enough before they hanged her andlet me be one. You know what? She'd had the bit so many times she smiled. When she wasn'tsmiling she smiled, and I never saw her own smile. I wonder what they was doing when they wascaught. Running, you think? No. Not that. Because she was my ma'am and nobody's ma'am wouldrun off and leave her daughter, would she? Would she, now? Leave her in the yard with a one-armed woman? Even if she hadn't been able to suckle the daughter for more than a week or twoand had to turn her over to another woman's tit that never had enough for all. They said it was thebit that made her smile when she didn't want to. Like the Saturday girls working theslaughterhouse yard. When I came out of jail I saw them plain. They came when the shift changedon Saturday when the men got paid and worked behind the fences, back of the outhouse. Someworked standing⁶ up, leaning on the toolhouse door. They gave some of their nickels⁷ and dimes⁸ tothe foreman as they left but by then their smiles was over. Some of them drank liquor to keep fromfeeling what they felt. Some didn't drink a drop — just beat it on over to Phelps to pay for whattheir children needed, or their ma'ammies. Working a pig yard. That has got to be something for awoman to do, and I got close to it myself when I got out of jail and bought, so to speak, your name.

　　But the Bodwins got me the cooking job at Sawyer's and left me able to smile on my own like nowwhen I think about you.

　　But you know all that because you smart like everybody said because when I got here you wascrawling already. Trying to get up the stairs. Baby Suggs had them painted white so you could seeyour way to the top in the dark where lamplight didn't reach. Lord, you loved the stairsteps.

　　I got close. I got close. To being a Saturday girl. I had already worked a stone mason's shop. A stepto the slaughterhouse would have been a short one. When I put that headstone up I wanted to lay inthere with you, put your head on my shoulder and keep you warm, and I would have if Buglar andHoward and Denver didn't need me, because my mind was homeless then. I couldn't lay down withyou then. No matter how much I wanted to. I couldn't lay down nowhere in peace, back then. NowI can. I can sleep like the drowned, have mercy. She come back to me, my daughter, and she ismine.

1 distracted   

a.注意力分散的，思想不集中的

参考例句：

• When working, one should concentrate and not allow oneself to be distracted. 工作时要集中精力，不要分心。
• Noise outside distracted her mind from her studies. 门外的噪音使她心神不宁，无法集中注意力学习。

2 earrings   

n.耳环( earring的名词复数 )；耳坠子

参考例句：

• a pair of earrings 一对耳环
• These earrings snap on with special fastener. 这付耳环是用特制的按扣扣上去的。 来自《简明英汉词典》

3 dangle   

v.(使)悬荡，(使)悬垂

参考例句：

• At Christmas,we dangle colored lights around the room.圣诞节时，我们在房间里挂上彩灯。
• He sits on the edge of the table and dangles his legs.他坐在桌子边上，摆动著双腿。

4 carving   

n.雕刻品，雕花

参考例句：

• All the furniture in the room had much carving.房间里所有的家具上都有许多雕刻。
• He acquired the craft of wood carving in his native town.他在老家学会了木雕手艺。

5 haul   

vt./n.（用力）拖，拉，（用车等）拖运，运送

参考例句：

• It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长,到家时我们已筋疲力尽。
• The rope stood up under the strain of the haul.这绳子经受不住紧拉。

6 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

7 nickels   

镍( nickel的名词复数 )； （美国和加拿大的）五分镍币，五分钱

参考例句：

• The mint coins millions of nickels and dimes each year. 造币厂每年都要铸数以百万计的分币和角币。
• A dime is the equivalent of two nickels. 一角硬币等于两个五分镍币。

8 dimes   

n.（美国、加拿大的）10分铸币( dime的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Pennies, nickles, dimes and quarters are United States coins. 1分铜币、5分镍币、1角银币和2角5分银币是美国硬币。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• In 1965 the mint stopped putting silver in dimes. 1965年，铸币厂停止向10分硬币中加入银的成分。 来自辞典例句