Anselmo was crouched1 in the lee of the trunk of a big tree and the snow blew past on either side. He was pressed close against the tree and his hands were inside of the sleeves of his jacket, each hand shoved up into the opposite sleeve, and his head was pulled as far down into the jacket as it would go. If I stay here much longer I will freeze, he thought, and that will be of no value. The _Ingl廥_ told me to stay until I was relieved but he did not know then about this storm. There has been no abnormal movement on the road and I know the dispositions2 and the habits of this post at the sawmill across the road. I should go now to the camp. Anybody with sense would be expecting me to return to the camp. I will stay a little longer, he thought, and then go to the camp. It is the fault of the orders, which are too rigid3. There is no allowance for a change in circumstance. He rubbed his feet together and then took his hands out of the jacket sleeves and bent4 over and rubbed his legs with them and patted his feet together to keep the circulation going. It was less cold there, out of the wind in the shelter of the tree, but he would have to start walking shortly.
As he crouched, rubbing his feet, he heard a motorcar on the road. It had on chains and one link of chain was slapping and, as he Watched, it came up the snow-covered road, green and brown painted, in broken patches of daubed color, the windows blued over so that you could not see in, with only a half circle left clear in the blue for the occupants to look out through. It was a two-year-old Rolls-Royce town car camouflaged5 for the use of the General Staff but Anselmo did not know that. He could not see into the car where three officers sat wrapped in their capes6. Two were on the back seat and one sat on the folding chair. The officer on the folding chair was looking out of the slit8 in the blue of the window as the car passed but Anselmo did not know this. Neither of them saw the other.
The car passed in the snow directly below him. Anselmo saw the chauffeur9, red-faced and steel-helmeted, his face and helmet projecting out of the blanket cape7 he wore and he saw the forward jut10 of the automatic rifle the orderly who sat beside the chauffeur carried. Then the car was gone up the road and Anselmo reached into the inside of his jacket and took out from his shirt pocket the two sheets torn from Robert Jordan's notebook and made a mark after the drawing of a motorcar. It was the tenth car up for the day. Six had come down. Four were still up. It was not an unusual amount of cars to move upon that road but Anselmo did not distinguish between the Fords, Fiats11, Opels, Renaults, and Citroens of the staff of the Division that held the passes and the line of the mountain and the Rolls-Royces, Lancias, Mercedes, and Isottas of the General Staff. This was the sort of distinction that Robert Jordan should have made and, if he had been there instead of the old man, he would have appreciated the significance of these cars which had gone up. But he was not there and the old man simply made a mark for a motorcar going up the road, on the sheet of note paper.
Anselmo was now so cold that he decided12 he had best go to camp before it was dark. He had no fear of missing the way, but he thought it was useless to stay longer and the wind was blowing colder all the time and there was no lessening13 of the snow. But when he stood up and stamped his feet and looked through the driving snow at the road he did not start off up the hillside but stayed leaning against the sheltered side of the pine tree.
The _Ingl廥_ told me to stay, he thought. Even now he may be on the way here and, if I leave this place, he may lose himself in the snow searching for me. All through this war we have suffered from a lack of discipline and from the disobeying of orders and I will wait a while still for the _Ingl廥_. But if he does not come soon I must go in spite of all orders for I have a report to make now, and I have much to do in these days, and to freeze here is an exaggeration and without utility.
Across the road at the sawmill smoke was coming out of the chimney and Anselmo could smell it blown toward him through the snow. The fascists15 are warm, he thought, and they are comfortable, and tomorrow night we will kill them. It is a strange thing and I do not like to think of it. I have watched them all day and they are the same men that we are. I believe that I could walk up to the mill and knock on the door and I would be welcome except that they have orders to challenge all travellers and ask to see their papers. It is only orders that come between us. Those men are not fascists. I call them so, but they are not. They are poor men as we are. They should never be fighting against us and I do not like to think of the killing16.
These at this post are Gallegos. I know that from hearing them talk this afternoon. They cannot desert because if they do their families will be shot. Gallegos are either very intelligent or very dumb and brutal17. I have known both kinds. Lister is a Gallego from the same town as Franco. I wonder what these Gallegos think of this snow now at this time of year. They have no high mountains such as these and in their country it always rains and it is always green.
A light showed in the window of the sawmill and Anselmo shivered and thought, damn that _Ingl廥!_ There are the Gallegos warm and in a house here in our country, and I am freezing behind a tree and we live in a hole in the rocks like beasts in the mountain. But tomorrow, he thought, the beasts will come out of their hole and these that are now so comfortable will die warm in their blankets. As those died in the night when we raided Otero, he thought. He did not like to remember Otero.
In Otero, that night, was when he first killed and he hoped he would not have to kill in this of the suppressing of these posts. It was in Otero that Pablo knifed the sentry18 when Anselmo pulled the blanket over his head and the sentry caught Anselmo's foot and held it, smothered19 as he was in the blanket, and made a crying noise in the blanket and Anselmo had to feel in the blanket and knife him until he let go of the foot and was still. He had his knee across the man's throat to keep him silent and he was knifing into the bundle when Pablo tossed the bomb through the window into the room where the men of the post were all sleeping. And when the flash came it was as though the whole world burst red and yellow before your eyes and two more bombs were in already. Pablo had pulled the pins and tossed them quickly through the window, and those who were not killed in their beds were killed as they rose from bed when the second bomb exploded. That was in the great days of Pablo when he scourged20 the country like a tartar and no fascist14 post was safe at night.
And now, he is as finished and as ended as a boar that has been altered, Anselmo thought, and, when the altering has been accomplished21 and the squealing22 is over you cast the two stones away and the boar, that is a boar no longer, goes snouting and rooting up to them and eats them. No, he is not that bad, Anselmo grinned, one can think too badly even of Pablo. But he is ugly enough and changed enough.
It is too cold, he thought. That the _Ingl廥_ should come and that I should not have to kill in this of the posts. These four Gallegos and their corporal are for those who like the killing. The _Ingl廥_ said that. I will do it if it is my duty but the _Ingl廥_ said that I would be with him at the bridge and that this would be left to others. At the bridge there will be a battle and, if I am able to endure the battle, then I will have done all that an old man may do in this war. But let the _Ingl廥_ come now, for I am cold and to see the light in the mill where I know that the Gallegos are warm makes me colder still. I wish that I were in my own house again and that this war were over. But you have no house now, he thought. We must win this war before you can ever return to your house.
Inside the sawmill one of the soldiers was sitting on his bunk23 and greasing his boots. Another lay in his bunk sleeping. The third was cooking and the corporal was reading a paper. Their helmets hung on nails driven into the wall and their rifles leaned against the plank24 wall.
"What kind of country is this where it snows when it is almost June?" the soldier who was sitting on the bunk said.
"It is a phenomenon," the corporal said.
"We are in the moon of May," the soldier who was cooking said. "The moon of May has not yet terminated."
"What kind of a country is it where it snows in May?" the soldier on the bunk insisted.
"In May snow is no rarity in these mountains," the corporal said. "I have been colder in Madrid in the month of May than in any other month."
"And hotter, too," the soldier who was cooking said.
"May is a month of great contrasts in temperature," the corporal said. "Here, in Castile, May is a month of great heat but it can have much cold."
"Or rain," the soldier on the bunk said. "In this past May it rained almost every day."
"It did not," the soldier who was cooking said. "And anyway this past May was the moon of April."
"One could go crazy listening to thee and thy moons," the corporal said. "Leave this of the moons alone."
"Any one who lives either by the sea or by the land knows that it is the moon and not the month which counts," the soldier who was cooking said. "Now for example, we have just started the moon of May. Yet it is coming on June."
"Why then do we not get definitely behind in the seasons?" the corporal said. "The whole proposition gives me a headache."
"You are from a town," the soldier who was cooking said. "You are from Lugo. What would you know of the sea or of the land?"
"One learns more in a town than you _analfabetos_ learn in thy sea or thy land."
"In this moon the first of the big schools of sardines26 come," the soldier who was cooking said. "In this moon the sardine27 boats will be outfitting28 and the mackerel will have gone north."
"Why are you not in the navy if you come from Noya?" the corporal asked.
"Because I am not inscribed29 from Noya but from Negreira, where I was born. And from Negreira, which is up the river Tambre, they take you for the army."
"Worse luck," said the corporal.
"Do not think the navy is without peril," the soldier who was sitting on the bunk said. "Even without the possibility of combat that is a dangerous coast in the winter."
"Nothing can be worse than the army," the corporal said.
"And you a corporal," the soldier who was cooking said. "What a way of speaking is that?"
"Nay," the corporal said. "I mean for dangers. I mean the endurance of bombardments, the necessity to attack, the life of the parapet."
"Here we have little of that," the soldier on the bunk said.
"By the Grace of God," the corporal said. "But who knows when we will be subject to it again? Certainly we will not have something as easy as this forever!"
"How much longer do you think we will have this detail?"
"I don't know," the corporal said. "But I wish we could have it for all of the war."
"Six hours is too long to be on guard," the soldier who was cooking said.
"We will have three-hour watches as long as this storm holds," the corporal said. "That is only normal."
"What about all those staff cars?" the soldier on the bunk asked. "I did not like the look of all those staff cars."
"Nor I," the corporal said. "All such things are of evil omen25."
"And aviation," the soldier who was cooking said. "Aviation is another bad sign."
"But we have formidable aviation," the corporal said. "The Reds have no aviation such as we have. Those planes this morning were something to make any man happy."
"I have seen the Red planes when they were something serious," the soldier on the bunk said. "I have seen those two motor bombers30 when they were a horror to endure."
"Yes. But they are not as formidable as our aviation," the corporal said. "We have an aviation that is insuperable."
This was how they were talking in the sawmill while Anselmo waited in the snow watching the road and the light in the sawmill window.
I hope I am not for the killing, Anselmo was thinking. I think that after the war there will have to be some great penance31 done for the killing. If we no longer have religion after the war then I think there must be some form of civic32 penance organized that all may be cleansed33 from the killing or else we will never have a true and human basis for living. The killing is necessary, I know, but still the doing of it is very bad for a man and I think that, after all this is over and we have won the war, there must be a penance of some kind for the cleansing34 of us all.
Anselmo was a very good man and whenever he was alone for long, and he was alone much of the time, this problem of the killing returned to him.
I wonder about the _Ingl廥_, he thought. He told me that he did not mind it. Yet he seems to be both sensitive and kind. It may be that in the younger people it does not have an importance. It may be that in foreigners, or in those who have not had our religion, there is not the same attitude. But I think any one doing it will be brutalized in time and I think that even though necessary, it is a great sin and that afterwards we must do something very strong to atone36 for it.
It was dark now and he looked at the light across the road and shook his arms against his chest to warm them. Now, he thought, he would certainly leave for the camp; but something kept him there beside the tree above the road. It was snowing harder and Anselmo thought: if only we could blow the bridge tonight. On a night like this it would be nothing to take the posts and blow the bridge and it would all be over and done with. On a night like this you could do anything.
Then he stood there against the tree stamping his feet softly and he did not think any more about the bridge. The coming of the dark always made him feel lonely and tonight he felt so lonely that there was a hollowness in him as of hunger. In the old days he could help this loneliness by the saying of prayers and often coming home from hunting he would repeat a great number of the same prayer and it made him feel better. But he had not prayed once since the movement. He missed the prayers but he thought it would be unfair and hypocritical to say them and he did not wish to ask any favors or for any different treatment than all the men were receiving.
No, he thought, I am lonely. But so are all the soldiers and the Wives of all the soldiers and all those who have lost families or parents. I have no wife, but I am glad that she died before the movement. She would not have understood it. I have no children and I never will have any children. I am lonely in the day when I am not working but when the dark comes it is a time of great loneliness. But one thing I have that no man nor any God can take from me and that is that I have worked well for the Republic. I have worked hard for the good that we will all share later. I have worked my best from the first of the movement and I have done nothing that I am ashamed of.
All that I am sorry for is the killing. But surely there will be an opportunity to atone for that because for a sin of that sort that so many bear, certainly some just relief will be devised. I would like to talk with the _Ingl廥_ about it but, being young, it is possible that he might not understand. He mentioned the killing before. Or was it I that mentioned it? He must have killed much, but he shows no signs of liking37 it. In those who like it there is always a rottenness.
It must really be a great sin, he thought. Because certainly it is the one thing we have no right to do even though, as I know, it is necessary. But in Spain it is done too lightly and often without true necessity and there is much quick injustice38 which, afterward35, can never be repaired. I wish I did not think about it so much, he thought. I wish there were a penance for it that one could commence now because it is the only thing that I have done in all my life that makes me feel badly when I am alone. All the other things are forgiven or one had a chance to atone for them by kindness or in some decent way. But I think this of the killing must be a very great sin and I would like to fix it up. Later on there may be certain days that one can work for the state or something that one can do that will remove it. It will probably be something that one pays as in the days of the Church, he thought, and smiled. The Church was well organized for sin. That pleased him and he was smiling in the dark when Robert Jordan came up to him. He came silently and the old man did not see him until he was there.
"_Hola, viejo_," Robert Jordan whispered and clapped him on the back. "How's the old one?"
"Very cold," Anselmo said. Fernando was standing39 a little apart, his back turned against the driving snow.
"Come on," Robert Jordan whispered. "Get on up to camp and get warm. It was a crime to leave you here so long."
"That is their light," Anselmo pointed40.
"Where's the sentry?"
"You do not see him from here. He is around the bend."
"The hell with them," Robert Jordan said. "You tell me at camp. Come on, let's go."
"Let me show you," Anselmo said.
"I'm going to look at it in the morning," Robert Jordan said. "Here, take a swallow of this."
He handed the old man his flask41. Anselmo tipped it up and swallowed.
"_Ayee_," he said and rubbed his mouth. "It is fire."
"Come on," Robert Jordan said in the dark. "Let us go."
It was so dark now you could only see the flakes42 blowing past and the rigid dark of the pine trunks. Fernando was standing a little way up the hill. Look at that cigar store Indian, Robert Jordan thought. I suppose I have to offer him a drink.
"Hey, Fernando," he said as he came up to him. "A swallow?"
"No," said Fernando. "Thank you."
Thank _you_, I mean, Robert Jordan thought. I'm glad cigar store Indians don't drink. There isn't too much of that left. Boy, I'm glad to see this old man, Robert Jordan thought. He looked at Anselmo and then clapped him on the back again as they started up the hill.
"I'm glad to see you, _viejo_," he said to Anselmo. "If I ever get gloomy, when I see you it cheers me up. Come on, let's get up there."
They were going up the hill in the snow.
"Back to the palace of Pablo," Robert Jordan said to Anselmo. It sounded wonderful in Spanish.
"_El Palacio del Miedo_," Anselmo said. "The Palace of Fear."
"_La cueva de los huevos perdidos_," Robert Jordan capped the other happily. "The cave of the lost eggs."
"What eggs?" Fernando asked.
"A joke," Robert Jordan said. "Just a joke. Not eggs, you know. The others."
"But why are they lost?" Fernando asked.
"I don't know," said Robert Jordan. "Take a book to tell you. Ask Pilar," then he put his arm around Anselmo's shoulder and held him tight as they walked and shook him. "Listen," he said. "I'm glad to see you, hear? You don't know what it means to find somebody in this country in the same place they were left."
It showed what confidence and intimacy43 he had that he could say anything against the country.
"I am glad to see thee," Anselmo said. "But I was just about to leave."
"Like hell you would have," Robert Jordan said happily. "You'd have frozen first."
"How was it up above?" Anselmo asked.
"Fine," said Robert Jordan. "Everything is fine."
He was very happy with that sudden, rare happiness that can come to any one with a command in a revolutionary arm; the happiness of finding that even one of your flanks holds. If both flanks ever held I suppose it would be too much to take, he thought. I don't know who is prepared to stand that. And if you extend along a flank, any flank, it eventually becomes one man. Yes, one man. This was not the axiom he wanted. But this was a good man. One good man. You are going to be the left flank when we have the battle, he thought. I better not tell you that yet. It's going to be an awfully44 small battle, he thought. But it's going to be an awfully good one. Well, I always wanted to fight one on my own. I always had an opinion on what was wrong with everybody else's, from Agincourt down. I will have to make this a good one. It is going to be small but very select. If I have to do what I think I will have to do it will be very select indeed.
"Listen," he said to Anselmo. "I'm awfully glad to see you."
"And me to see thee," the old man said.
As they went up the hill in the dark, the wind at their backs, the storm blowing past them as they climbed, Anselmo did not feel lonely. He had not been lonely since the _Ingl廥_ had clapped him on the shoulder. The _Ingl廥_ was pleased and happy and they joked together. The _Ingl廥_ said it all went well and he was not worried. The drink in his stomach warmed him and his feet were warming now climbing.
"Not much on the road," he said to the _Ingl廥_.
"Good," the _Ingl廥_ told him. "You will show me when we get there."
Anselmo was happy now and he was very pleased that he had stayed there at the post of observation.
If he had come in to camp it would have been all right. It would have been the intelligent and correct thing to have done under the circumstances, Robert Jordan was thinking. But he stayed as he was told, Robert Jordan thought. That's the rarest thing that can happen in Spain. To stay in a storm, in a way, corresponds to a lot of things. It's not for nothing that the Germans call an attack a storm. I could certainly use a couple more who would stay. I most certainly could. I wonder if that Fernando would stay. It's just possible. After all, he is the one who suggested coming out just now. Do you suppose he would stay? Wouldn't that be good? He's just about stubborn enough. I'll have to make some inquiries45. Wonder what the old cigar store Indian is thinking about now.
"What are you thinking about, Fernando?" Robert Jordan asked.
"Why do you ask?"
"Curiosity," Robert Jordan said. "I am a man of great curiosity."
"I was thinking of supper," Fernando said.
"Do you like to eat?"
"Yes. Very much."
"How's Pilar's cooking?"
"Average," Fernando answered.
He's a second Coolidge, Robert Jordan thought. But, you know, I have just a hunch46 that he would stay.
The three of them plodded47 up the hill in the snow.
安塞尔莫蹲在一棵大树的背风处，奮从树干两边吹过。他紧靠树干蹲着，两手合抱，笼在袖筒里,脑袋竭力往外套里缩。他想，要是再待下去，我要冻偁了，那才没愈思哩，这英国人叫我一直待到换班的时侯，可是他那时不知道会来这场暴风雪。公路上并没有特殊情況，而且我知道公路对面锯木厂边那哨所的人员部署和栝动规律。我现在要回营地去啦。凡是通情达理的人都会指望我囬营地去的，他想，我再等一会儿才回去吧。那是命令的毛病，太死板了申不允许根据具体情況作出改变 他把两只脚互相搓擦，然后从衣袖里抽出手来，弯下身体用手揉腿,再拍击双脚使血液流通。待在树后吹不到风,冷得不厉害,但他还是要过一会儿就动身走回去，他弯身揉脚的时侯，听到公路上开来一辆汽车。车轮上系着防滑铁链,有一节铁链啪哒啪哒地响着；他望见车子在覆盖着雪的公路上驶来，车身上的油漆绿一块、褐一块的乱漆一气，车窗上涂了蓝色，使人看不到里面，上面只留出一个半圓形没有涂漆，让里面的人可以看到外面。那是“辆用过两年的罗尔斯 罗伊斯(！)轿车，涂了伪装漆，供总参谋部使用，安塞尔典可不知道这情形。他看不见车子里坐着三个军官，身上裹着披风。两个坐在后座,一个坐在对面的折椅上。车子幵过的时候，坐在折椅上的军官正从蓝车窗上的缺口向外张望。安塞尔莫可不知道这情况。他们俩都没有发现对方，车子就在他下面的雪地里经过。安塞尔莫看见了头戴钢盔、脸色红红的司机,脸和钢盔露在他身穿的毯子式的披风上面，他还看到司机身边那勤务兵携带的自动步枪的上半截朝前撅出着。车子朝公路上段驶去，安塞尔莫就把手伸进外套，从衬衣袋里掏出罗伯特、乔丹笔记本上撕下的两张纸，按规格画了一辆汽车的记号。这是那天驶上山的第十辆车于。有六辆已回下山来，四辆仍然在山上。路上驶过的车于并不太多，安塞尔莫也分不清控制着各山口和山顶防线的师参谋部的车辆和总参谋部的车辆之间的区别。”师参谋部有福特、菲亚特、奥贝尔、雷诺和雪铁龙等牌的汽车；总参谋部有罗尔斯〃罗伊斯、兰西亚斯、默塞德斯和伊索塔等。罗伯特‘乔丹分得清这种区别，要是在那儿的是他而不是老头儿，他就能领会那些车子上山的含意了，但是他不在那儿，而老头儿呢，只在那张纸上给每一辆上山去的汽车画上 划罢了 。
安塞尔莫这时非常冷，所以他决定，最好还是在断黑以前回营地去。他不怕迷路，可是他认为再待下去没意思了 风越刮越冷，雪也不见小。他站起身来，跺跺脚，目光穿过飞舞的霄花望望公路,并不动身雉登山坡,却仍旧靠在那棵挡风的松树后面不动。
他想 英国人叫我别走。说不定这会几他就在路上快到这里了，要是我离开这里,他在雪里找我可能会迷路。我们这次打仗老是因为缺乏纪律、不听命令而吃苦头，我要再等一等英国人。不过,如果他不马上来,那管它命令不命令,我一定要走,因路对面锯木厂的烟因正在冒烟，安塞尔莫闻得出烟在雪中正向他这边飘来。他想，法西斯分子又暖和又舒服，可明天晚上我们要叫他们归天啦。这事情真怪，我可不爱想它。我整整守望了他们一天，可他们跟我们一样是人。我看哪，要不是他们奉有命令要盘问一切过路人、检查身份证的话，我满可以走到锯木厂去敲敲门，而且他们准会欢迎我的。我们之间只隔着一道命令。那些人不是法西斯分子。虽说我叫他们法西斯分子,其实不是。他们是穷光蛋，和我们一样。他们绝对不应该和我们打仗，我可不爱想到杀人的事儿 。
这个哨所里的人都是加利西亚①人。我从今天下午听他们说话的口苷中听出的。他们不会开小差,因为开了小差，一家老小部要给枪毙。加利西亚人要么非常聡明,要么笨头笨脑、野蛮得很。这两种人我都遇见过。利斯特就是加利西亚人，和佛朗哥是同乡②。现在这种季节下雪，我真不知道这些加利西亚人是怎样想的。他们没有这样高的山，他们家乡老是下雨，四季常青。
“锯木厂的窗子里露出了灯光’安塞尔莫哆嗦了一下，心想,那个英国人真该死1这些加利西亚人在我们这里呆在龈和的屋子里,我却在树脊后冻得发僵，而我们呢，却象山里的野兽般住在山洞里。他想。”可是明天哪,野兽要从润里出来,而这些现在这么舒服的人却要暖暖和和地在毯子里归天啦。他想，就象我们在袭击奥特罗时那样叫他们在夜里归天。他可不爱回想在奥特罗发生的事。
他第一次杀人就是在奥特罗的那天晚上。他希望这次拔除哨所时不用杀人。在奥特罗，安塞尔莫用毯子蒙住哨兵的脑袋,巴勃罗用力捅，那哨兵抓住了安塞尔莫的一只脚不放,虽然闷在毯子里透不过气来,却在里面喊叫，安塞尔莫只得在毯于里摸索着，给了他一刀,才叫他放掉了脚,不动了。他当时用膝头抵住了那家伙的喉咙，不让他发出声来，一边用刀捅进这被毯子裹住的人。巴勃罗同时把手雷从窗口扔进屋里，哨所的士兵们全在里面睡觉。火光一亮，好象全世界在你眼前被炸成了一片红黄色,紧接着又扔进了两頼手雷。当时，巴勃罗拉开保险，飞快地扔进窗子，那些在床上没被炸死的家伙刚爬起来，却被第二颗手雷炸死了。那是巴勃罗大出风头的日子，他象瘟神似地把那一带摘得天翻地覆，法西斯分子的哨所在晚上没有一个是安全的。
安塞尔莫想，可现在呢，巴勃罗完蛋了，不中用了，就象阉过的公猪一样，等手术一倣好，它停止了尖叫，你把那两颗卵蛋扔掉了，而那只公猪，其实已算不上公猪啦，却用鼻子嗅来嗅去，把卵蛋拱出来吃掉。不，他还没糟到这个地步。安塞尔莫咧开嘴笑了 你竟然把巴勃罗看得这么精明。不过,他是够讨厌了，变得很不象祥了。
他想，天气太冷了。但愿英国人就来。但愿在这次袭击哨所的行动中我不用杀人。这四个加利西亚人和他们的班长该留给那些爱杀人的人去对付。英国人说过这话。假如是分配给我的任务V我就杀；可是英国人说过，要我跟他一起在桥头干,这里的人留给别人。桥头一定会打一仗，要是这次我能顶住,那么在这场战争中，我就好算尽到了一个老头子的全部责任啦。现在嗬，英国人你可该来啦，因为我感到很冷，看到锯木厂里的灯光，知道这些加利西亚人在里面暖呼呼的，叫我感到更冷了。但愿我能再回到自己家里,但愿这场战争就结束吧。他想,可是你现在已没家了。要回到你自己家乡，我们就必须先打廉这场战争。
锯木厂里，有个兵坐在铺上拣靴子。另一个躺在铺上睡着了。第三个在煮东西。班长在看报。他们的钢盔挂在墙上的钉子上，步枪靠在木扳墙上。
“快到六月还下雪,这是什么鬼地方?”坐在铺上的兵说。〃真是怪事，”班长说。
“现在是太阴历五月。”在煮东西的兵说。“太阴历五月还刚开始呐。”
“五月天下雪，这是什么鬼地方。”坐在铺上的兵坚持说。“这一带山里五月天下雪也不是罕见的事班长说。“我在马德里的时候，五月份要比哪个月都冷。”“也更热，”在煮东西的兵说。
“五月的气温差别最大，”班长说。“在这里卡斯蒂尔地区,五月是大热的月份，不过也会变得很冷。”
“要么下雨。”坐在铺上的兵说。“这刚过去的五月份差不多天天下雨。”
“没有的事。”在煮东西的兵说，“反正这刚过去的五月，实在是太阴历四月。”
“听你扯什么太阴历的月份，真叫人头痛，”班长说。“别谈什么太阴历的月份啦。”
“住在海边或者乡下的人都知道,重要的是看太阴历的月份而不是看太阳历的。”在煮东西的兵说。“举个例子来说吧,现在太阴历五月刚开头,可是太阳历马上就到六月份了。”
“那我们为什么不老是落在季节后面呢？”班长说。“这些个事叫我糊涂了
“你是城里人，”在煮东西的兵说。“你是卢戈①人。你知道什么叫海，什么叫乡下？”
“城里人可比你们这些文盲在海边或乡下要见识多些。”“第一批沙，“鱼群在这个太阴历的月份里要来了，”在煮东西的兵说。“沙，“鱼船在这个太阴历的月份里要整装待发了，鲭鱼可已经到北方去了。”
“你既然是诺亚②人,干吗没有参加海军？”班长问。“因为我登记表上填的不是诺亚，而是我的出生地内格雷拉。内格雷拉在坦布雷河上游，那里的人都被编进陆军。"“运气更坏，”班长说。
“别以为当海军就没危险，”坐在铺上的兵说。“即使不大会打仗,那一带海岸在冬天也满危险的。”
“再没有比当陆军更糟糕的了，”班长说。〃你还算是班长哪。”在煮东西的兵说。“你哪能说这种话?”“不，”班长说。“我是就危险性来说的。我是说要挨到炮轰空袭，不得不冲锋陷阵，躲在掩体里度时光，““我们在这里倒没什么，”坐在铺上的兵说。“托天主的福。”班长说。“可谁知道什么时候我们又会吃到这种苦头呀？我们当然不可能永远过现在这种舒服日子的”“你看，我们这个任务还要执行多久?”
①卢戈 为加利西亚地区卢戈省省会。
②诺亚为滨大西洋的一个渔港,居民惯于海上生活
“我不知道，”班长说。“不过我希望整个战争期间我们能一直执拧这个任务。”
“六小时值一班岗，时间太长啦，”在煮东西的兵说。“如果风雪不停,我们三小时值一岗，”班长说。“这原是应该的嘛。”
“参谋部那些汽车是什么意思？”坐在铺上的兵问。“这么许多参谋部的汽车开来开去,我可不喜欢。”
“我也不喜欢，”班长说。“这些都不是好兆头。”“还有飞机，”在煮东西的兵说。“又是个不妙的兆头。”“可是我们的飞机很厉害。”班长说。“共产党可没有我们这样的飞机。今天早晨的那些飞机，叫谁都会髙兴的。”
“我见过共产党的飞机，也够厉害的。”坐在铺上的兵说。“我见过那些双引擎轰炸机,当初挨到它们轰炸的时候，真叫人胆战心惊。”
“不错。可是没我们的厉害。”班长说。“我们的飞机谁也敌不过。”
这就是他们在锯木厂里的聊天，而这时安塞尔莫在雪中等待，望着公路和锯木厂窗子里的灯光。
安塞尔莫正在想，但愿杀人的事不由我来干。我看嗛，等战争结束了，对杀人的行为总得有些好好儿苦行赎罪的办法 要是战后我们不再信教了,那么我看，百姓总得采取一种苦行赎罪的办法，来涤除杀过人的罪孳，否则，我们的生活就没有真正的人性基础了。杀人是必要的，我知道，可是对一个人来说,干这种事总是缺德的。我看哪，等战争结束了，我们得了胜利，一定会有一祌苦行赎罪的办法，来涤除我们大家的罪孽。
安塞尔莫是个十分善良的人，每当他一个人待着的时间一长一而他是经常一个人待着的一这个杀人的问题就在他心里浮起。
他想，我弄不懂这个英国人。他对我说过，他不在乎杀人。可是他的样子既敏感又善良。也许对年轻人说来,这是无所谓的。也许对外国人说来，或者对不信奉我们的宗教的人们说来，态度就不一样。不过依我看，凡是杀人的人，迟早都要变得毫无人性，而且依我看，即使杀人是必要的,它仍然是桩大罪过,事后我们要花极大的力气才能赎罪。
天黑了，他望着公略对面的灯光,用双手拍拍胸脯取暧。他想，现在“定要回营地去了。但是有一种感情使他仍待在公路上边的那株树旁不走。这时雪下得更大了，安塞尔莫就想。”要是今夜能炸桥就好了。象这样的夜晚，拿下哨所，炸掉大桥，都算不上一回事，一下子可以全都干好。象这样的夜晚，千什么事都行。
随后他靠着树站在那里，轻轻地跺着脚，不再去想那座桥了。黑夜的来临总使他感到孤单，今夜他特别感到孤单,心里有一种饥饿般的空虚。往日里，他孤单的时候可以靠祷告来帮忙，他经常在打猎回家的路上反反复复地念着同一段祷文，这使他觉得好受一点。但是革命开始以来，他一次也没祷告过。他感到若有所失,但是他认为现在再祷告是不适当的，是言行不一致的，他不愿祈求任何恩宠，或接受与众不同的待遇。
他想，是舸，我感到孤单。但是所有那些当兵的，当兵的老婆，那些失去家人或爹娘的人都是如此。我没老婆了,幸好在革命前她就死了。她是不会理解的，我没儿女，再不会有儿女啦。白天没事干的时侯我感到孤单，可是黑夜来到了感到更孤单。不过，我有一桩事是无论谁还是天主都没法夺走的，那就是我给共和国好好出了力。我一直在为争取以后我们大家可以分享的好处而出大力。革命一开始，我就尽力而为，我干的事没一桩是问心有愧的。
我感到惭愧的只是杀人的事儿。不过以后一定有机会来补偿,因为有这种罪孳的人可不少，以后当然会想出一个补救办法来的。我倒要跟这个英国人谈谈这件事,不过人家年青，不一定能理解。他提起过杀人的问题。要不，是我提起的吧？他一定杀过很多人，不过他没露出喜欢干这种事的迹象。喜欢杀人的人总是骨子里就堕落的。
他想,杀人必然是罪大恶极的事。因为，我知道，即使有必要，我们也没权利杀人。可是在西班牙，杀人太随便啦，而且常常是没有真正的必要，萆菅人命的事多得很，事后无法补救。他想，我还是别在这个问题上多费心思吧。但愿有赎罪的办法,让人家现在就开始做，因为我一辈子干的事情中只有这件使我在—个人待着时感到难受。任何别的事情都可以得到宽恕，要不,你总有机会做些好事或者用什么合理的办法来补偿。可是我看,杀人这种事肯定是罪大恶极，我希望能弥补这件事。也许在以后的日子里，一个人可以为国家做些什么工作或者力所能及的事去涤除杀人的罪孽。也许象是在教堂里做礼拜时的捐献，他想，不禁微笑了。教会为赎罪安排得好好的。想到这个,他离兴起来，罗伯特 乔丹朝他走来时，他正在黑睹中微笑。罗伯特 乔丹悄悄地走来，走到老头儿跟前他才看到。
“你好，老头子，”罗伯特“乔丹压低了声音说，还拍拍他的
背.
“冷得很哪，”安塞尔莫说，费尔南多站得稍远些，背顶着风
雪.
“来吧，”罗伯特，乔丹低声说，“上山到营地去取暖吧。把你一个人撇在这儿这么久，真是罪过。”“那是他们的灯火。”安塞尔莫指点说，“哨兵在哪儿?”
“你在这里望不到。他在拐角处。”“让他们见鬼去吧，”罗伯特”乔丹说。“你到营地再跟我讲吧。来，我们走。“
“我指给你看，”安塞尔莫说。
“我早晨会来看的，”罗伯特 乔丹说。〃来吧，喝一口。”他把扁酒瓶递给老头儿。安塞尔莫侧着瓶子喝了一口。“哎哟，”他说，擦擦嘴。“象火一样。”“来吧，〃罗俏特〃乔丹在黑暗中说。“咱们走。”天色这时黑得叫人只能看到在空中刮过去的雪片和那些一动不动的黑魆魆的松树干。费尔南多站在山坡上，离他们几步路。罗伯特 乔丹想 他真象雪茄烟店门口的木雕印第安人①。看来我得请他也喝一口。
“嗨，费尔南多，”他走上前去说，“来一口吧?”“不，”费尔南多说。“谢谢你。”
罗伯特，乔丹想。”我得谢谢，呢，幸亏雪茄烟店门口的印第安人不喝酒。剩下不多啦。罗，“特‘乔丹想 好样的，我艮商兴见到这老头子。他望望安塞尔莫,接着又拍拍他的背,一起开始上山。
“我见到你很高兴明，老头子，”他对安塞尔莫说？我优闷的时候见到你就髙兴。来,我们上山吧他们在雪中爬山。回巴勃罗的宫殿去，”罗伯特 乔丹对安塞尔莫说。这句话用西班牙语来说听起来很美妙。“怕死鬼的宮殿，”安塞尔莫说。
“没蛋的岩洞，”穸伯特 乔丹乐呵呵地比另一个说得更俏
皮。
①这种彩色木離像一觖和真人差不多大 、，作招徕颈客之用。此处喻指费尔南多站在雷中一动不动的样子，
“什么蛋?”费尔南多问。
“说笑话。”罗伯特 乔丹说。“说笑话呐。不是蛋，你知道,是另外的那一种。”
“可为什么没了？”费尔南多问。
“我不知道，”罗伯特 乔丹说。“说起来话可长呢。问比拉尔吧。”他说罢紧搂着安塞尔莫的肩膀一起走，还摇摇他。“听着，”他说。“见到你真离兴，听到吗？在这个国家你把一个人留在一个地方，之后竟能在原地方找到他，这不知道会使人多髙兴呢。，
他对这个国家竟说出这种不尊重的话，这说明他对它怀着多大的信任和亲密感啊。
“我见到你也高兴，”安塞尔莫说。“不过，刚才我正打算不等下去了。”
“你才不会呢，”罗伯特 乔丹髙兴地说。“你冻僵了才会离
开。”
“山上的情况怎么样”安塞尔莫问。“很好，”罗馅特，乔丹说。“一切都好，“他感到一种在革命队伍里当指挥的人才有的突如其来的难得的快乐心情，那种发规自己的两翼中竟有一翼仍然坚守着阵地时的快乐心情。他想，要是两翼都能坚守下去,我看就力量无比。我看任何敌人都不指望出现这种局面，如果你把一翼的队形，任何一翼的队形拉开的话，最终就得每一个人独力作战。对啊，每一个人。他需要的可不是这种不言自明的道理。然而这是个好人。一个好人。他想:我们这次进行战斗的时候，你一个人当左翼。我现在最好先不告诉你。他想，这将是一次规模挺小的战斗。但它将是一次挺出色的战斗。噢，我一直想独力地指挥一次战斗。我对从阿让库尔战役①以来所有别人指挥的战斗的毛病，一向是有自己的看法的。我一定要打好这一仗。这一仗规模不会大，然而会很精采。如果我必须按照自己认为必要的方式去干的话，那确实会成为非常精采的一仗。“听着，”他对安塞尔莫说。“见到你我真是髙兴，““我见到你也一样髙兴。”老头儿说。他们在黑暗中爬山的时候是顺风，风雪在他们身边吹过。安塞尔莫这时不觉得孤单了。英国人刚才在他背上拍拍之后，他就不再觉得孤单了。英国人非常高兴,他们俩就说说笑笑。英国人刚才说一切都好，因此老头儿不愁了。酒一下肚,使他暖呼呼的,如今爬着山，两腿也暖和起来啦。
“公路上没什么情况。”他对英国人说。“好。”英国人对他说。“我们到了营地你再给我看吧。”安塞尔莫这时很髙兴，他很髙兴自己刚才在观察哨坚持了下来。
①阿让库尔为法国西北部滨英吉利海峡的布洛涅港东南约三十英里处一小村，因一四一五年十月二十五。英法两军在此决战而箸名。英王亨利五世利用弓箭手以寡敌众，大玻穿戴笨重盔甲的法国骑士，使该‘战役成为世界军寧史上著名战役之一。
罗伯特 乔丹在想:即使他自己回营地,也不能怪他。在那样的情况下回来,也是明智和正确的。罗伯特，乔丹想。”然而他遒照命令待下去了。这在西班牙是非常难得的情形。在暴风雪中能坚守下去，从某种程度上来说，说明了不少问题。德国人把进攻称为暴风雨①，不是没有道理的。我当然愿意多用几个这种肯坚守下去的人。那是当然的啦。我不知道那个费尔南多会不会待着不走。这也是可能的。反正刚才自动跟来的是他。你以为他会待着不走吗？这难道不是好事吗？他相当顽强。我来试探试探。不知道这个雪茄烟店门口的印第安人现在在想些什么。
“你在想什么，费尔南多，“”罗伯特 乔丹问。“你问干吗？”
“好奇，”罗伯特 乔丹说。“我是个很好奇的人。”
“我在想晚饭。”费尔南多说。
“你喜欢吃?”
“是呀。很喜欢。”
“比拉尔做饭手艺怎么样?”
“平常。”费尔南多回答。
罗伯特”乔丹想。”他也是个讲究吃喝的人。不过，你知道，
我总觉得他也会坚守下去的。
三个人在雪中一步一弯腰地爬山。
①英语中的暴风雨，此处指暴珂雪)来自德语中，两者都可作“进攻、袭击”解.
收听单词发音 |
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crouched
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| v.屈膝，蹲伏( crouch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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dispositions
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| 安排( disposition的名词复数 )； 倾向； （财产、金钱的）处置； 气质 | |
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rigid
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| adj.严格的，死板的；刚硬的，僵硬的 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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camouflaged
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| v.隐蔽( camouflage的过去式和过去分词 )；掩盖；伪装，掩饰 | |
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capes
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| 碎谷； 斗篷( cape的名词复数 )； 披肩； 海角； 岬 | |
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cape
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| n.海角，岬；披肩，短披风 | |
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slit
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| n.狭长的切口；裂缝；vt.切开，撕裂 | |
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chauffeur
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| n.(受雇于私人或公司的)司机；v.为…开车 | |
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jut
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| v.突出；n.突出，突出物 | |
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fiats
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| n.命令，许可( fiat的名词复数 )；菲亚特汽车（意大利品牌） | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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lessening
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| 减轻，减少，变小 | |
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fascist
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| adj.法西斯主义的；法西斯党的；n.法西斯主义者，法西斯分子 | |
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fascists
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| n.法西斯主义的支持者( fascist的名词复数 ) | |
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killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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sentry
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| n.哨兵，警卫 | |
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smothered
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| （使）窒息， （使）透不过气( smother的过去式和过去分词 )； 覆盖； 忍住； 抑制 | |
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scourged
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| 鞭打( scourge的过去式和过去分词 )； 惩罚，压迫 | |
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accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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squealing
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| v.长声尖叫，用长而尖锐的声音说( squeal的现在分词 ) | |
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bunk
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| n.(车、船等倚壁而设的)铺位；废话 | |
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plank
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| n.板条，木板，政策要点，政纲条目 | |
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omen
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| n.征兆，预兆；vt.预示 | |
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sardines
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| n. 沙丁鱼 | |
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sardine
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| n.[C]沙丁鱼 | |
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outfitting
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| v.装备，配置设备，供给服装( outfit的现在分词 ) | |
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inscribed
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| v.写，刻( inscribe的过去式和过去分词 )；内接 | |
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bombers
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| n.轰炸机( bomber的名词复数 )；投弹手；安非他明胶囊；大麻叶香烟 | |
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penance
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| n.（赎罪的）惩罪 | |
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civic
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| adj.城市的，都市的，市民的，公民的 | |
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cleansed
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| 弄干净，清洗( cleanse的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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cleansing
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| n. 净化(垃圾) adj. 清洁用的 动词cleanse的现在分词 | |
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afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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atone
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| v.赎罪，补偿 | |
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liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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injustice
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| n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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flask
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| n.瓶，火药筒，砂箱 | |
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flakes
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| 小薄片( flake的名词复数 )； （尤指）碎片； 雪花； 古怪的人 | |
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intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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hunch
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| n.预感，直觉 | |
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plodded
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| v.沉重缓慢地走（路）( plod的过去式和过去分词 )；努力从事；沉闷地苦干；缓慢进行（尤指艰难枯燥的工作） | |
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