So now they were in the robe again together and it was late in the last night. Maria lay close against him and he felt the long smoothness of her thighs1 against his and her breasts like two small hills that rise out of the long plain where there is a well, and the far country beyond the hills was the valley of her throat where his lips were. He lay very quiet and did not think and she stroked his head with her hand.
"Roberto," Maria said very softly and kissed him. "I am ashamed. I do not wish to disappoint thee but there is a great soreness and much pain. I do not think I would be any good to thee."
"There is always a great soreness and much pain," he said. "Nay2, rabbit. That is nothing. We will do nothing that makes pain."
"It is not that. It is that I am not good to receive thee as I wish to."
"That is of no importance. That is a passing thing. We are together when we lie together."
"Yes, but I am ashamed. I think it was from when things were done to me that it comes. Not from thee and me."
"Let us not talk of that."
"Nor do I wish to. I meant I could not bear to fail thee now on this night and so I sought to excuse myself."
"Listen, rabbit," he said. "All such things pass and then there is no problem." But he thought; it was not good luck for the last night.
Then he was ashamed and said, "Lie close against me, rabbit. I love thee as much feeling thee against me in here in the dark as I love thee making love."
"I am deeply ashamed because I thought it might be again tonight as it was in the high country when we came down from El Sordo's."
"_Qu?va_," he said to her. "That is not for every day. I like it thus as well as the other." He lied, putting aside disappointment. "We will be here together quietly and we will sleep. Let us talk together. I know thee very little from talking."
"Should we speak of tomorrow and of thy work? I would like to be intelligent about thy work."
"No," he said and relaxed completely into the length of the robe and lay now quietly with his cheek against her shoulder, his left arm under her head. "The most intelligent is not to talk about tomorrow nor what happened today. In this we do not discuss the losses and what we must do tomorrow we will do. Thou art not afraid?"
"_Qu?va_," she said. "I am always afraid. But now I am afraid for thee so much I do not think of me."
"Thou must not, rabbit. I have been in many things. And worse than this," he lied.
Then suddenly surrendering to something, to the luxury of going into unreality, he said, "Let us talk of Madrid and of us in Madrid."
"Good," she said. Then, "Oh, Roberto, I am sorry I have failed thee. Is there not some other thing that I can do for thee?"
He stroked her head and kissed her and then lay close and relaxed beside her, listening to the quiet of the night.
"Thou canst talk with me of Madrid," he said and thought: I'll keep any oversupply3 of that for tomorrow. I'll need all of that there is tomorrow. There are no pine needles that need that now as I will need it tomorrow. Who was it cast his seed upon the ground in the Bible? Onan. How did Onan turn out? he thought. I don't remember ever hearing any more about Onan. He smiled in the dark.
Then he surrendered again and let himself slip into it, feeling a voluptuousness4 of surrender into unreality that was like a sexual acceptance of something that could come in the night when there was no understanding, only the delight of acceptance.
"My beloved," he said, and kissed her. "Listen. The other night I was thinking about Madrid and I thought how I would get there and leave thee at the hotel while I went up to see people at the hotel of the Russians. But that was false. I would not leave thee at any hotel."
"Why not?"
"Because I will take care of thee. I will not ever leave thee. I will go with thee to the Seguridad to get papers. Then I will go with thee to buy those clothes that are needed."
"They are few, and I can buy them."
"Nay, they are many and we will go together and buy good ones and thou wilt6 be beautiful in them."
"I would rather we stayed in the room in the hotel and sent Out for the clothes. Where is the hotel?"
"It is on the Plaza7 del Callao. We will be much in that room in that hotel. There is a wide bed with clean sheets and there is hot running water in the bathtub and there are two closets and I will keep my things in one and thou wilt take the other. And there are tall, wide windows that open, and outside, in the streets, there is the spring. Also I know good places to eat that are illegal but with good food, and I know shops where there is still wine and whiskey. And we will keep things to eat in the room for when we are hungry and also whiskey for when I wish a drink and I will buy thee manzanilla."
"I would like to try the whiskey."
"But since it is difficult to obtain and if thou likest manzanilla."
"Keep thy whiskey, Roberto," she said. "Oh, I love thee very much. Thou and thy whiskey that I could not have. What a pig thou art."
"Nay, you shall try it. But it is not good for a woman."
"And I have only had things that were good for a woman," Maria said. "Then there in bed I will still wear my wedding shirt?"
"Nay. I will buy thee various nightgowns and pajamas8 too if you should prefer them."
"I will buy seven wedding shirts," she said. "One for each day of the week. And I will buy a clean wedding shirt for thee. Dost ever wash thy shirt?"
"Sometimes."
"I will keep everything clean and I will pour thy whiskey and put the water in it as it was done at Sordo's. I will obtain olives and salted codfish and hazel nuts for thee to eat while thou drinkest and we will stay in the room for a month and never leave it. If I am fit to receive thee," she said, suddenly unhappy.
"That is nothing," Robert Jordan told her. "Truly it is nothing. It is possible thou wert hurt there once and now there is a scar that makes a further hurting. Such a thing is possible. All such things pass. And also there are good doctors in Madrid if there is truly anything."
"But all was good before," she said pleadingly.
"That is the promise that all will be good again."
"Then let us talk again about Madrid." She curled her legs between his and rubbed the top of her head against his shoulder. "But will I not be so ugly there with this cropped head that thou wilt be ashamed of me?"
"Nay. Thou art lovely. Thou hast a lovely face and a beautiful body, long and light, and thy skin is smooth and the color of burnt gold and every one will try to take thee from me."
"_Qu?va_, take me from thee," she said. "No other man will ever touch me till I die. Take me from thee! _Qu?va_."
"But many will try. Thou wilt see."
"They will see I love thee so that they will know it would be as unsafe as putting their hands into a caldron of melted lead to touch me. But thou? When thou seest beautiful women of the same culture as thee? Thou wilt not be ashamed of me?"
"Never. And I will marry thee."
"If you wish," she said. "But since we no longer have the Church I do not think it carries importance."
"I would like us to be married."
"If you wish. But listen. If we were ever in another country where there still was the Church perhaps we could be married in it there."
"In my country they still have the Church," he told her. "There we can be married in it if it means aught to thee. I have never been married. There is no problem."
"I am glad thou hast never been married," she said. "But I am glad thou knowest about such things as you have told me for that means thou hast been with many women and the Pilar told me that it is only such men who are possible for husbands. But thou wilt not run with other women now? Because it would kill me."
"I have never run with many women," he said, truly. "Until thee I did not think that I could love one deeply."
She stroked his cheeks and then held her hands clasped behind his head. "Thou must have known very many."
"Not to love them."
"Listen. The Pilar told me something--"
"Say it."
"No. It is better not to. Let us talk again about Madrid."
"What was it you were going to say?"
"I do not wish to say it."
"Perhaps it would be better to say it if it could be important."
"You think it is important?"
"Yes."
"But how can you know when you do not know what it is?"
"From thy manner."
"I will not keep it from you then. The Pilar told me that we would all die tomorrow and that you know it as well as she does and that you give it no importance. She said this not in criticism but in admiration9."
"She said that?" he said. The crazy bitch, he thought, and he said, "That is more of her gypsy manure10. That is the way old market women and caf?cowards talk. That is manuring obscenity." He felt the sweat that came from under his armpits and slid down between his arm and his side and he said to himself, So you are scared, eh? and aloud he said, "She is a manure-mouthed superstitious11 bitch. Let us talk again of Madrid."
"Then you know no such thing?"
"Of course not. Do not talk such manure," he said, using a stronger, ugly word.
But this time when he talked about Madrid there was no slipping into make-believe again. Now he was just lying to his girl and to himself to pass the night before battle and he knew it. He liked to do it, but all the luxury of the acceptance was gone. But he started again.
"I have thought about thy hair," he said. "And what we can do about it. You see it grows now all over thy head the same length like the fur of an animal and it is lovely to feel and I love it very much and it is beautiful and it flattens12 and rises like a wheatfield in the wind when I pass my hand over it."
"Pass thy hand over it."
He did and left his hand there and went on talking to her throat, as he felt his own throat swell13. "But in Madrid I thought we could go together to the coiffeur's and they could cut it neatly14 on the sides and in the back as they cut mine and that way it would look better in the town while it is growing out."
"I would look like thee," she said and held him close to her. "And then I never would want to change it."
"Nay. It will grow all the time and that will only be to keep it neat at the start while it is growing long. How long will it take it to grow long?"
"Really long?"
"No. I mean to thy shoulders. It is thus I would have thee wear it."
"As Garbo in the cinema?"
"Yes," he said thickly.
Now the making believe was coming back in a great rush and he would take it all to him. It had him now, and again he surrendered and went on. "So it will hang straight to thy shoulders and curl at the ends as a wave of the sea curls, and it will be the color of ripe wheat and thy face the color of burnt gold and thine eyes the only color they could be with thy hair and thy skin, gold with the dark flecks15 in them, and I will push thy head back and look in thy eyes and hold thee tight against me--"
"Where?"
"Anywhere. Wherever it is that we are. How long will it take for thy hair to grow?"
"I do not know because it never had been cut before. But I think in six months it should be long enough to hang well below my ears and in a year as long as thou couldst ever wish. But do you know what will happen first?"
"Tell me."
"We will be in the big clean bed in thy famous room in our famous hotel and we will sit in the famous bed together and look into the mirror of the _armoire_ and there will be thee and there will be me in the glass and then I will turn to thee thus, and put my arms around thee thus, and then I will kiss thee thus."
Then they lay quiet and close together in the night, hot-aching, rigid16, close together and holding her, Robert Jordan held closely too all those things that he knew could never happen, and he went on with it deliberately17 and said, "Rabbit, we will not always live in that hotel."
"Why not?"
"We can get an apartment in Madrid on that street that runs along the Parque of the Buen Retiro. I know an American woman who furnished apartments and rented them before the movement and I know how to get such an apartment for only the rent that was paid before the movement. There are apartments there that face on the park and you can see all of the park from the windows; the iron fence, the gardens, and the gravel18 walks and the green of the lawns where they touch the gravel, and the trees deep with shadows and the many fountains, and now the chestnut19 trees will be in bloom. In Madrid we can walk in the park and row on the lake if the water is back in it now."
"Why would the water be out?"
"They drained it in November because it made a mark to sight from when the planes came over for bombing. But I think that the water is back in it now. I am not sure. But even if there is no water in it we can walk through all the park away from the lake and there is a part that is like a forest with trees from all parts of the world with their names on them, with placards that tell what trees they are and where they came from."
"I would almost as soon go the cinema," Maria said. "But the trees sound very interesting and I will learn them all with thee if I can remember them."
"They are not as in a museum," Robert Jordan said. "They grow naturally and there are hills in the park and part of the park is like a jungle. Then below it there is the book fair where along the sidewalks there are hundreds of booths with second-hand20 books in them and now, since the movement, there are many books, stolen in the looting of the houses which have been bombed and from the houses of the fascists21, and brought to the book fair by those who stole them. I could spend all day every day at the stalls of the book fair as I once did in the days before the movement, if I ever could have any time in Madrid."
"While thou art visiting the book fair I will occupy myself with the apartment," Maria said. "Will we have enough money for a servant?"
"Surely. I can get Petra who is at the hotel if she pleases thee. She cooks well and is clean. I have eaten there with newspapermen that she cooks for. They have electric stoves in their rooms."
"If you wish her," Maria said. "Or I can find some one. But wilt thou not be away much with thy work? They would not let me go with thee on such work as this."
"Perhaps I can get work in Madrid. I have done this work now for a long time and I have fought since the start of the movement. It is possible that they would give me work now in Madrid. I have never asked for it. I have always been at the front or in such work as this.
"Do you know that until I met thee I have never asked for anything? Nor wanted anything? Nor thought of anything except the movement and the winning of this war? Truly I have been very pure in my ambitions. I have worked much and now I love thee and," he said it now in a complete embracing of all that would not be, "I love thee as I love all that we have fought for. I love thee as I love liberty and dignity and the rights of all men to work and not be hungry. I love thee as I love Madrid that we have defended and as I love all my comrades that have died. And many have died. Many. Many. Thou canst not think how many. But I love thee as I love what I love most in the world and I love thee more. I love thee very much, rabbit. More than I can tell thee. But I say this now to tell thee a little. I have never had a wife and now I have thee for a wife and I am happy."
"I will make thee as good a wife as I can," Maria said. "Clearly I am not well trained but I will try to make up for that. If we live in Madrid; good. If we must live in any other place; good. If we live nowhere and I can go with thee; better. If we go to thy country I will learn to talk _Ingl廥_ like the most _Ingl廥_ that there is. I will study all their manners and as they do so will I do."
"Thou wilt be very comic."
"Surely. I will make mistakes but you will tell me and I will never make them twice, or maybe only twice. Then in thy country if thou art lonesome for our food I can cook for thee. And I will go to a school to learn to be a wife, if there is such a school, and study at it."
"There are such schools but thou dost not need that schooling22."
"Pilar told me that she thought they existed in your country. She had read of them in a periodical. And she told me also that I must learn to speak _Ingl廥_ and to speak it well so thou wouldst never be ashamed of me."
"When did she tell you this?"
"Today while we were packing. Constantly she talked to me about what I should do to be thy wife."
I guess she was going to Madrid too, Robert Jordan thought, and said, "What else did she say?"
"She said I must take care of my body and guard the line of my figure as though I were a bullfighter. She said this was of great importance."
"It is," Robert Jordan said. "But thou hast not to worry about that for many years."
"No. She said those of our race must watch that always as it can come suddenly. She told me she was once as slender as I but that in those days women did not take exercise. She told me what exercises I should take and that I must not eat too much. She told me which things not to eat. But I have forgotten and must ask her again."
"Potatoes," he said.
"Yes," she went on. "It was potatoes and things that are fried. Also when I told her about this of the soreness she said I must not tell thee but must support the pain and not let thee know. But I told thee because I do not wish to lie to thee ever and also I feared that thou might think we did not have the joy in common any longer and that other, as it was in the high country, had not truly happened."
"It was right to tell me."
"Truly? For I am ashamed and I will do anything for thee that thou should wish. Pilar has told me of things one can do for a husband."
"There is no need to do anything. What we have we have together and we will keep it and guard it. I love thee thus lying beside thee and touching23 thee and knowing thou art truly there and when thou art ready again we will have all."
"But hast thou not necessities that I can care for? She explained that to me."
"Nay. We will have our necessities together. I have no necessities apart from thee."
"That seems much better to me. But understand always that I will do what you wish. But thou must tell me for I have great ignorance and much of what she told me I did not understand clearly. For I was ashamed to ask and she is of such great and varied24 wisdom."
"Rabbit," he said. "Thou art very wonderful."
"_Qu?va_," she said. "But to try to learn all of that which goes into wifehood in a day while we are breaking camp and packing for a battle with another battle passing in the country above is a rare thing and if I make serious mistakes thou must tell me for I love thee. It could be possible for me to remember things incorrectly and much that she told me was very complicated."
"What else did she tell thee?"
"_Pues_ so many things I cannot remember them. She said I could tell thee of what was done to me if I ever began to think of it again because thou art a good man and already have understood it all. But that it were better never to speak of it unless it came on me as a black thing as it had been before and then that telling it to thee might rid me of it."
"Does it weigh on thee now?"
"No. It is as though it had never happened since we were first together. There is the sorrow for my parents always. But that there will be always. But I would have thee know that which you should know for thy own pride if I am to be thy wife. Never did I submit to any one. Always I fought and always it took two of them or more to do me the harm. One would sit on my head and hold me. I tell thee this for thy pride."
"My pride is in thee. Do not tell it."
"Nay, I speak of thy own pride which it is necessary to have in thy wife. And another thing. My father was the mayor of the village and an honorable man. My mother was an honorable woman and a good Catholic and they shot her with my father because of the politics of my father who was a Republican. I saw both of them shot and my father said, '_Viva la Republica_,' when they shot him standing5 against the wall of the slaughterhouse of our village.
"My mother standing against the same wall said, 'Viva my husband who was the Mayor of this village,' and I hoped they would shoot me too and I was going to say '_Viva la Republica y vivan mis padres_,' but instead there was no shooting but instead the doing of the things.
"Listen. I will tell thee of one thing since it affects us. After the shooting at the _matadero_ they took us, those relatives who had seen it but were not shot, back from the _matadero_ up the steep hill into the main square of the town. Nearly all were weeping but some were numb25 with what they had seen and the tears had dried in them. I myself could not cry. I did not notice anything that passed for I could only see my father and my mother at the moment of the shooting and my mother saying, 'Long live my husband who was Mayor of this village,' and this was in my head like a scream that would not die but kept on and on. For my mother was not a Republican and she would not say, '_Viva la Republica_,' but only _Viva_ my father who lay there, on his face, by her feet.
"But what she had said, she had said very loud, like a shriek26 and then they shot and she fell and I tried to leave the line to go to her but we were all tied. The shooting was done by the _guardia civil_ and they were still there waiting to shoot more when the Falangists herded27 us away and up the hill leaving the _guardias civiles_ leaning on their rifles and leaving all the bodies there against the wall. We were tied by the wrists in a long line of girls and women and they herded us up by the hill and through the streets to the square and in the square they stopped in front of the barbershop which was across the square from the city hail.
"Then the two men looked at us and one said, 'That is the daughter of the Mayor,' and the other said, 'Commence with her.'
"Then they cut the rope that was on each of my wrists, one saying to others of them, 'Tie up the line,' and these two took me by the arms and into the barbershop and lifted me up and put me in the barber's chair and held me there.
"I saw my face in the mirror of the barbershop and the faces of those who were holding me and the faces of three others who were leaning over me and I knew none of their faces but in the glass I saw myself and them, but they saw only me. And it was as though one were in the dentist's chair and there were many dentists and they were all insane. My own face I could hardly recognize because my grief had changed it but I looked at it and knew that it was me. But my grief was so great that I had no fear nor any feeling but my grief.
"At that time I wore my hair in two braids and as I watched in the mirror one of them lifted one of the braids and pulled on it so it hurt me suddenly through my grief and then cut it off close to my head with a razor. And I saw myself with one braid and a slash28 where the other had been. Then he cut off the other braid but without pulling on it and the razor made a small cut on my ear and I saw blood come from it. Canst thou feel the scar with thy finger?"
"Yes. But would it be better not to talk of this?"
"This is nothing. I will not talk of that which is bad. So he had cut both braids close to my head with a razor and the others laughed and I did not even feel the cut on my ear and then he stood in front of me and struck me across the face with the braids while the other two held me and he said, 'This is how we make Red nuns29. This will show thee how to unite with thy proletarian brothers. Bride of the Red Christ!'
"And he struck me again and again across the face with the braids which had been mine and then he put the two of them in my mouth and tied them tight around my neck, knotting them in the back to make a gag and the two holding me laughed.
"And all of them who saw it laughed and when I saw them laugh in the mirror I commenced to cry because until then I had been too frozen in myself from the shooting to be able to cry.
"Then the one who had gagged me ran a clippers all over my head; first from the forehead all the way to the back of the neck and then across the top and then all over my head and close behind my ears and they held me so I could see into the glass of the barber's mirror all the time that they did this and I could not believe it as I saw it done and I cried and I cried but I could not look away from the horror that my face made with the mouth open and the braids tied in it and my head coming naked under the clippers.
"And when the one with the clippers was finished he took a bottle of iodine30 from the shelf of the barber (they had shot the barber too for he belonged to a syndicate, and he lay in the doorway31 of the shop and they had lifted me over him as they brought me in) and with the glass wand that is in the iodine bottle he touched me on the ear where it had been cut and the small pain of that came through my grief and through my horror.
"Then he stood in front of me and wrote U. H. P. on my forehead with the iodine, lettering it slowly and carefully as though he were an artist and I saw all of this as it happened in the mirror and I no longer cried for my heart was frozen in me for my father and my mother and what happened to me now was nothing and I knew it.
"Then when he had finished the lettering, the Falangist stepped back and looked at me to examine his work and then he put down the iodine bottle and picked up the clippers and said, 'Next,' and they took me out of the barbershop holding me tight by each arm and I stumbled over the barber lying there still in the doorway on his back with his gray face up, and we nearly collided with Concepci鏮 GracIa, my best friend, that two of them were bringing in and when she saw me she did not recognize me, and then she recognized me, and she screamed, and I could hear her screaming all the time they were shoving me across the square, and into the doorway, and up the stairs of the city hall and into the office of my father where they laid me onto the couch. And it was there that the bad things were done."
"My rabbit," Robert Jordan said and held her as close and as gently as he could. But he was as full of hate as any man could be. "Do not talk more about it. Do not tell me any more for I cannot bear my hatred32 now."
She was stiff and cold in his arms and she said, "Nay. I will never talk more of it. But they are bad people and I would like to kill some of them with thee if I could. But I have told thee this only for thy pride if I am to be thy wife. So thou wouldst understand."
"I am glad you told me," he said. "For tomorrow, with luck, we will kill plenty."
"But will we kill Falangists? It was they who did it."
"They do not fight," he said gloomily. "They kill at the rear. It is not them we fight in battle."
"But can we not kill them in some way? I would like to kill some very much."
"I have killed them," he said. "And we will kill them again. At the trains we have killed them."
"I would like to go for a train with thee," Maria said. "The time of the train that Pilar brought me back from I was somewhat crazy. Did she tell thee how I was?"
"Yes. Do not talk of it."
"I was dead in my head with a numbness33 and all I could do was cry. But there is another thing that I must tell thee. This I must. Then perhaps thou wilt not marry me. But, Roberto, if thou should not wish to marry me, can we not, then, just be always together?"
"I will marry thee."
"Nay. I had forgotten this. Perhaps you should not. It is possible that I can never bear thee either a son or a daughter for the Pilar says that if I could it would have happened to me with the things which were done. I must tell thee that. Oh, I do not know why I had forgotten that."
"It is of no importance, rabbit," he said. "First it may not be true. That is for a doctor to say. Then I would not wish to bring either a son or a daughter into this world as this world is. And also you take all the love I have to give."
"I would like to bear thy son and thy daughter," she told him. "And how can the world be made better if there are no children of us who fight against the fascists?"
"Thou," he said. "I love thee. Hearest thou? And now we must sleep, rabbit. For I must be up long before daylight and the dawn comes early in this month."
"Then it is all right about the last thing I said? We can still be married?"
"We are married, now. I marry thee now. Thou art my wife. But go to sleep, my rabbit, for there is little time now."
"And we will truly be married? Not just a talking?"
"Truly."
"Then I will sleep and think of that if I wake."
"I, too."
"Good night, my husband."
"Good night," he said. "Good night, wife."
He heard her breathing steadily34 and regularly now and he knew she was asleep and he lay awake and very still not wanting to waken her by moving. He thought of all the part she had not told him and he lay there hating and he was pleased there would be killing35 in the morning. But I must not take any of it personally, he thought.
Though how can I keep from it? I know that we did dreadful things to them too. But it was because we were uneducated and knew no better. But they did that on purpose and deliberately. Those who did that are the last flowering of what their education has produced. Those are the flowers of Spanish chivalry36. What a people they have been. What sons of bitches from Cortez, Pizarro, Men幯dez de Avila all down through Enrique Lister to Pablo. And what wonderful people. There is no finer and no worse people in the world. No kinder people and no crueler. And who understands them? Not me, because if I did I would forgive it all. To understand is to forgive. That's not true. Forgiveness has been exaggerated. Forgiveness is a Christian37 idea and Spain has never been a Christian country. It has always had its own special idol38 worship within the Church. _Otra Virgen m嫳_. I suppose that was why they had to destroy the virgins39 of their enemies. Surely it was deeper with them, with the Spanish religion fanatics40, than it was with the people. The people had grown away from the Church because the Church was in the government and the government had always been rotten. This was the only country that the reformation never reached. They were paying for the Inquisition now, all right.
Well, it was something to think about. Something to keep your mind from worrying about your work. It was sounder than pretending. God, he had done a lot of pretending tonight. And Pilar had been pretending all day. Sure. What if they were killed tomorrow? What did it matter as long as they did the bridge properly? That was all they had to do tomorrow.
It didn't. You couldn't do these things indefinitely. But you weren't supposed to live forever. Maybe I have had all my life in three days, he thought. If that's true I wish we would have spent the last night differently. But last nights are never any good. Last nothings are any good. Yes, last words were good sometimes. "_Viva_ my husband who was Mayor of this town" was good.
He knew it was good because it made a tingle41 run all over him when he said it to himself. He leaned over and kissed Maria who did not wake. In English he whispered very quietly, "I'd like to marry you, rabbit. I'm very proud of your family."
他俩叉一起躺在睡袋里,这是最后的一夜，夜已很深了。玛丽亚紧偎在他身上，他静静地躺着，什么也不想，她用手抚摸着他的头。
“罗伯托。”玛丽亚柔情地说，吻他，“真惭愧。我不愿让你失望，可是一碰就痛，痛得厉害。看来我对你没多大用处了。”
“总是会痛的，”他说。“不，兔子，没什么。我们不做任何会引起痛苦的事。”
“我不是指那回事。是这样，我想叫你快活,可是做不到。”“没关系。一会儿就会好的。我们躺在一起，就结合在一起
了。”
“话虽这么说，可我感到惭愧。我想这是以前人家糟蹋了我才引起的。不是你我的关系。”“我们别谈这个了。”
“我也不愿谈。我想说的是，最后一夜叫你失望,我受不了，因此就想为自己找借口。”
“听我说,兔子。”他说。“这种事一会儿就会好的,不会有什么问题的。”但是他想。”对最后一夜来说,这兆头不妙。
接着他过意不去地说，“紧紧挨着我，兔子。我客欢你在这儿黑夜里貼在我身边，就象我喜欢和你做爱一样。”
“我真惭愧,我原以为今夜又会和那次从‘聋子’那儿下山后在高地上那样的，“
“什么话1”他对她说。“可不会每次都一样,这样和上一次那样，我都喜欢。”他撇开失望的心情,撤了个谎。“我们静静地在一起，我们睡觉。我们一起聊聊吧。我从谈话中知道你的情况极少。”“我们讲讲明天，讲讲你的工作好吗？我要学得聪明点，帮你做事。”
“不，”他说着在睡袋里彻底放松了筋骨，静静地躺着，脸颊貼在她肩上，左臂枕在她头下。“最聪明的办法是不谈明天，也不谈今天发生过的事。我们在这里不谈伤亡的事儿。明天非干不可的事，到时候干就是了。你不觉得害怕？”
“哪里的话 ”她说。“我老是害怕。可现在我尽替你害怕，所以想不到自己了。”
“别这样,兔子。这种事我遇到得多啦。有的比这次更糟。”他撒了个谎。
接着，他突然放纵自己,听任自己沉溺在幻想中,他说,“我们谈谈马德里，谈谈我们在马德里的情景吧。”
“好，”她说。“唉，罗伯托，我让你失望了，真对不起。有什么别的事我可以替你做吗？”
他抚摸着她的头,吻她，然后舒适地偎依在她身边，倾听着夜籁。
“你可以跟我谈谈马德里，”他说，并想，我要为明天养精蓄锐。明天我霈要全部的精力。现在松针地上不会象我明天那样地谣要精力。《圣经》上说谁把它遗在地上了？俄南。他想，俄南结果怎么样？我想不起还听说过关于俄南的别的情況。①
①俄南的哥哥死去了，他父亲对他说。”你当与你哥哥的妻子同房，向他尽你为弟的本分，为你哥哥生子立后。俄南知道生子不归自己，所以同房的时候，便遗在地，免得给他哥哥留后。俄南所作的,在耶和华眼中看为恶，耶和华也就叫他死了。”(。”。圣经‘创世记》第三十八章第八到十节
他在黑暗中微笑着。
接着他又听任自己沉溺在幻想中，感到沉溺在幻想中的逸乐，就象夜间迷迷糊糊地接受性爱，只感到接受的快感。
“我亲爱的。”他说，吻着她。“听宥，有天晚上我在想马德里,想我怎样到了那儿,把你留在旅馆里，而我呢，赶到俄国人住的饭店里去看朋友。不过那不对头，我不会把你留在旅馆里的。”“干吗不呢?”
“因为我要照联你。我永远也不离开你。我要银你一起到民政局去领证明。然后跟你一起去买需要的衣服。”“不需要多少衣服，我自己会买。”“不,要很多，我们一起去，买些好的衣服，你穿了一定很漂亮。”
“我宁愿我们待在旅馆的房间里，打发别人去买。旅馆在哪
儿?”
“在卡廖。”场。我们要在那家旅馆的房间里待很长的时间。有一张宽阔的床和干净的床单，澡盆里有热的自来水，还有两个壁柜,一个放我的东西，一个归你用。敞开的窗子又髙又宽，窗外街上有喷泉。我还知道几家挺好的饭店,那是没有执照的，但饭菜很好，我还知道几家店铺可以买到葡萄酒和威士忌。我们要在屋里放些吃的,饿了就吃，还有威士忌,想喝的时侯我就喝，我还要给你买些白葡萄酒。”“我想尝尝威士忌。”
“不过威士忌不容易搞到，如果你喜欢,还是喝白葡萄酒。““威士忌你留着自己喝吧，罗伯托。”她说。“暧，我真爱你，爱你和爱我喝不到的威士忌。你真小气。”
“好,你就喝一点吧。不过女人喝这种酒不合适。”
“我一向可只享用到对女人合适的东西，”玛丽亚说。“那么我在床上仍旧穿我的结婚衬衫吗？”
“不。要是你喜欢，我还要给你买各式各样的睡农、睡裤。”“我要买七件结婚衬衫。”她说。”一星期当中每天换一件。我要给你买一件干净的结婚衬衫。你洗过自己的衬衫吗？”“有时候洗。”
“我什么都要冼得干干净净，我要象在‘聋子’那儿那样，给你斟威士忌，在里面兑水。我要给你摘些橄榄、咸鳕鱼、榛子，给你下酒吃。我们要在房间里住一个月，一步也不离开。如果我能好好迎合你，”她说到这里，突然不高兴了。
“那没关系，”罗伯特 乔丹对她说。“真的没关系。可能是你那里以前受过伤，结了疤，现在又碰伤了。这情況是可能的。这一类情況过些时候都会好的。要是真有问题，马德里有的是好医生。”
“前几次挺好嘛。”她恳求似地说，“那说明以后也会挺好。”
“那么我们再谈谈马德里吧。”她把两腿曲在他的腿中间，头顶擦着他的肩头。“我一头短头发，那么难看,会不会替你丢人?”“不会。你很可爱。你有一张可爱的脸，颀长的身子又美丽又轻盈，金红色的皮肤很光滑，人人都会想把你从我身边夺走,
“什么话，把我从你那里夺走 ”她说。”没有另一个男人能碰我,除非我死了。把我夺走,休想 ”
“不过很多人会有这种打算的乡你等着瞧吧。”“他们会看到，我多么爱你，要是碰我的话，就象把手伸进一锅熔化的铅里那样危险。可你呢？你见了跟你一样有文化的漂亮女人，你不会替我害臊吗?”“决不。我要跟你结婚。”
“由你吧，”地说。“不过，我们已经取消了教堂，我看不结婚关系也不大。”
“我觉得我们还是结婚好。”
“由你吧。你听着。要是别的国家还有教堂,也许我们可以在那儿结婚。”
“我的国家里还有教堂。”他告诉她。”要是你觉得有意思，我们可以在那儿的教堂里结婚。我从没结过婚。役有问敏。”
“你从没结过婚，我很高兴，”她说。“我还髙兴的是，你见多识。”，告诉了我那些事，这说明你跟很多女人亲近过。比拉尔对我说过,只有这种男人才能傲丈夫。你现在可不会跟别的女人胡闹了吧？因为这准会叫我活不下去。”
“我从来没有踉很多女人胡闹过，”他真心实意地说。“在遇到你之前，我觉得自己是不会深爱一个女人的。“
她抚摸着他的脸颊,接着双手搂住他的头。“你一定摘过很多女人。”
“没有爱过她们。”
“听着，比拉尔跟我讲过一件事一”“说吧。”
“不。还是不说的好。我们再谈谈马德里吧。”“你刚才想说的是什么事?”“我不想说了。“
“是要紧事,也许还是说的好。”
“你认为要紧吗?”
“对,
“你还不知道是什么事,怎么知道要紧呢？”〃从你的态度看得出来。”
“那我不瞒你了。比拉尔告诉我说，我们明天都要死了，还说你跟她一样清楚，可是你不把它当一回事。她说这话不是批评,而是钦佩你。”
“她是这样说的吗？”他说。他想。”这个疯婊子。他说。”又是她那套吉普赛鬼名堂。那是市场上的女摊贩和泡在咖啡馆里的胆小鬼嘴里的胡话。她奶奶的鬼话。”他觉得胳肢窝里在出汗，汗水从胳膊和腰间淌下来。‘他心里嘀咕着，“敢情你害怕了，呃?”然后说出口来，“她这个迷信的婊子，满嘴胡话。我们再谈马德里吧。”
“那么你不知道这回事?”
“当然不知道。别谈这种废话了，”他说,用了一个更强烈更难听的词儿。
于是他再谈起马德里来，但这次没法再体会到身历其堍的感觉了，现在他只不过是在对他的女朋友、对自己撖谎，来消磨这战斗前的一夜,这他自己也明白。他喜欢这么做，但是接受了幻想而得到的乐趣却一点也没有了。然而他还是又讲开了。
“我想过你的头发，”他说。“我想过我们要拿它怎么办。你瞧,现在已经满头都长满了，就象动物身上的毛那样长，摸着很舒服，我非常喜欢。这头发很漂亮，我用手“捋,头发平伏之后又竖起来，就象风中的麦浪。”“用手摸摸吧。”
他摸着，把手留在头发上，继续貼着她的脖子说话，觉得自己的喉咙哽塞起来了。“不过,我们在马德里可以一起上理发店，让理发师照我的样子把两边和后面的头发剃掉,修得整整齐齐这样，在头发长长之前，在城里走动就看起来好多了。”
“我会着起来象你了，”她说,紧紧抱着他。“那我一定不再改变发型了。”
“不。头发会不断地长。那只不过是为了在头发长长之前弄得整齐些。头发长长要多久?”“很长很长吗。”
“不。我是说，长到齐肩。我要你留的就是这样的发型，““象电影里的赛宝那样?”“对。”他声音哽塞着说
这时,那种身历其境的感觉义一下子兜上心头来了,他要尽佾地亊受它。这感觉这时控制了他，他又沉溺在其中，接着说下去。“头发会这样直垂在肩上,下端是鬃曲的，好象海浪一样，颜色好象热透的麦子,你的脸是金红色的，有了金色的头发和金色的皮肤，你的眼睛也只能是金色的，里面有黑色的瞒仁。我要让你仰起头来,凝视着你的限睛,紧紧拥抱你一”“在嘿儿。”
“在任何地方，不管我们在什么地方 你的头发长长要多久?”
“不知道，因为以前从没剪过。不过，我想六个月就会长到耳朵下面，要一年才能长到你喜欢的那样。你可知道我们先做
些什么。”
“跟我讲讲。”
“我们要在我们那个了不起的旅馆里,在你说的那个了不起的房间里干千净净的大床上，我们一起坐在那张了不起的床上照着大柜子上的镜子；镜子里是你、是我，跟着我要这样对着你，胳膊这样搂着你,银着这样吻着你。”
他们在夜色里静静地紧偎在一起，火热地、一动不动地紧偎在一起，紧紧地接着。罗伯特“乔丹抱着她，同时紧抱着他明知不会有的一切，伹他自得其乐地说下去,“兔子,我们不要老是住在那家旅馆里。”“干吗不？”
“我们可以在马德里静安公园旁边的街上租一套公寓。我认识一个在革命前出租公寓的美国女房东，我能按以前的租金标准租到这种公寓。那儿有的房间面对公园，从窗口能望到公园的铁栏杆、园地、卵石小路、路边的绿草地、荫輅的树木和很多喷泉。”菜树现在一定开花了。在马德里,我们可以在公园里散步，要是湖里现在又有水了，可以在湖上划船。”"湖里怎么会没有水呢?”“他们是在十二月份把水抽掉的,因为飞机来轰炸的时候会暴露目标。不过,我想现在又有水了。可是不一定。不过，即使湖里没有水，我们可以在公园里别的地方傲步；有一个部分象森林一样，世界各地的树木都有，每棵树上有标签，上面注明树的名称和扭处。”
“我可情愿上电影院，”玛丽亚说。“不过这些树听起来很有意思，如果能记住的话,我要跟你一起把树名全记下来。”
“那儿可跟博物院不一样。”罗伯特 乔丹说。“树木是自然生长的，公园里有小山，有一部分象原始森林。公园南面有 书市，人行道旁有成百个卖旧书的书摊，革命开始以来书籍很多,那是有人从挨到轰炸的住家和法西斯分子家里偷来了，拿到书市上来卖的。我在马锥里只要有时间，可以每天整天都消磨在这些书摊上，就象革命前有一度那样。”
“你去逛书市的时候，我在公寓里忙我的事。”玛丽亚说 我们有钱雇一个佣人吗？” ‘
“当然。我可以找旅馆里的佩特拉，要是你喜欢她的话。她莱做得不坏，人又干净。她替几个新闻记者傲饭，我在他们那里吃过饭。他们房间里有电炉，“
“你要她就行。”玛丽亚说。“要不，我去找一个。不过你为了工作,不是要常常出去的吗？干这种工作,他们不会让我陪你一起去的。”
“说不定我能在马德里找到工作。这种工作我已做了很久，革命一开始我就打仗。现在他们可能会让我在马德里工作了,我从没提过要求。我一直在前线，或者干这种工作。
“你可知道,在遇到你之前，我从来没有提过什么要求，也没有要过什么，除了革命和赢得这场战争以外,也没考虑过别的，说真的，我的志向是非常纯正的。我干了良多工作,现在爱上了你。”他这时说的话把一切不会发生的事都包括在内了，“我爱你，就象我爱我们为之奋斗的一切。我爱你，就象我爱自由，尊产和人们要求工作、不愿挨饿的权利。我爱你，就象我爱我们所保卫的马德里，就象我爱所有那些牺牲的同志。很多同志牺牲目了。很多,很多。你没法想象有多少。但是我爱你,就象我爱世界上我最爱的东西，而我爱你超过了这一切。我是多么地爱你两,兔子，我无法用话向你表达，而我现在说的话，仅仅告诉了你一点儿。我从没娶过妻子,你现在就是我的妻子，我很幸福。”“我要尽力做你的好妻子，”玛丽亚说-“我明摆着没受过良好的教育,但是我一定要弥补这个缺点。如果我们住在马德里,很好。如果我们不得不住在别的地方，也好。如果我们不定居在什么地方，只荽我可以跟你在一起,更好。要是我们到你的国家去,我要学讲英国话,象讲得最好的人一样。我要学他们的一
举一动，他们怎么样,我也怎么样。”“你会变得非常可笑。”
“当然啦。我会出差锴，不过你会对我指出，我就决不犯第二遍，或者只犯两逍。在你的国家里，如果你想吃我们的饭莱，我可以给你做。我要到学校里去学怎样当妻子，如果有这种学校的话，还要好好学。“
“有这种学校，不过你用不着去学。”“比拉尔对我说过,她认为你的国家里有这种学校。她在杂志上看到过。她还对我说，我一定要学讲英国话，还要讲得地道，千万不能替你丢脸。”
“她什么时候跟你说这话的？”
“今天我们包扎东西的时候。她经常银我讲做你的妻子该做些什么。”
罗伯特，乔丹想 看来她也打算去马德里。他说，“她还说些什么？”
“她说，我应该把自己当做一个斗牛士，一定要保养自己的身体,保持苗条。她说这是很要紧的事。”
“不镨。”罗伯特 乔丹说。“你在今后很多年里不用为这个担心。”
“不。她说,我们这个种族的人必须时时注意，因为会突然发胖。她对我说，她以前跟我一样苗条,不过那时候妇女是不锻炼身体的。她教我该怎样锻炼，不能吃得太多‘她教我什么东西不能吃。可我已经忘了，还得再问问地。““马铃薯,”他说。
“对了。”她接着说。”正是马铃薯,还有油炸的东西。我还跟她讲到痈的亊，她说千万不能对你说,只能忍住痛,不让你知道。
可是我对你说了,因为我永远不愿对你撖谎；我也很害怕，你可能会以为我们再不能双方都快活了，以为在高地上那回事没有真的发生过。”
“告诉我是对的。"
“真的？因为我感到惭愧，而且只要你喜欢，我什么都愿意做，比拉尔跟我讲了该为自己丈夫做些什么。”
“什么也不用做。我们的爱情是共同的，我们要保持它、爱护它。我爱这样躲在你身边，触摸到你，知道你真的在我身边;等你复元了,我们什么都可以做。”
“可我有什么地方可以满足你的需要呢？她跟我讲过这种事的。”
“没有。我们的需要是共同的。我的需要不能和你分开。”“这样说我绝得好多了。不过始终别忘了,你赛欢的事我定做。你可一定要对我说，因为我不僅的事太多了,她对我讲的,我很多都弄不明白。我不好意思问，她呢,僅得又多面义。”，““兔于，”他说。“你真了不起。”
“嗶里的话 ”她说。“我们正在拔营,打行李，准备战斗,而另一场战斗正在山上进行，在这样的一天里要学会做妻子的一切可是难事啊。要是我出了大差错―你一定要对我说,因为我爱你。很可能我会记错事情，她踉我讲的很多事情复杂得很哪。”“她还跟你讲了些什么?”
“讲的事情很多,我记不住了。她说，我可以把我受到糟蹋的亊告诉你，要是我再记起来的话 因为你是个好人，已经了解了全部真相。不过最好还是永远别摁,除非这件事又跟以前那样象恶魔似地缠着我,那么政你讲讲能使我摆脱它，“
“现在还使你难受。”
“不。自从我们第一次在一起以来，我觉得这事仿佛从没发生过。可是一直在为我爹妈难受。这种心情可是永远抹不掉的。不过既然我要做你的妻子，就应该为了尊重你,让你知道你应该知道的事。我从来也没有屈从过任何人。我总是挣扎，他们总是要两个人或更多的人才能糟蹋我。一个人坐在我头上抓住了我。我把这告诉你是为了尊重你。”“我尊重的是你。别说了。”
“不,我说的尊重是你为你的妻子应该感到的。还有一件事 我父亲是当地的村长，是个受人尊敬的人。我母亲也是个受人尊敬的人，是个好天主教徒，因为我父亲拥护共和国的政治观点，他们把母亲和父亲一起枪杀了。我眼看着他俩被打死，当时,父亲站在村里的屠宰场墒边,在被枪杀前说1‘共和国万岁、““我母亲也靠那堵墙站着，她说，‘我丈夫，本村村长万岁 我希望他们也把我杀了，我打算说”共和国万岁，爹妈万岁可是他们没开枪，而是干出伤天害理的事来。
“听着。我要告诉你一件事，因为它跟我们有关系。在屠宰场上枪杀之后，他们把我们这些看枪毙而没被枪杀的亲人从屠宰场带到一座陡峭的山上，来到镇上的大。”场。所有的人几乎都在哭,除了有些看得发呆的人，他们眼眶里的眼泪巳经干了。我也哭不出来。枪杀的时候我没注意其他情况，因为只看着父亲和母亲，而母亲说的‘我丈夫，本村村长万岁’这甸话在我头脑里象是一声号叫,再不会消失,而是不断回响着。我母亲不是共和分子，所以不说‘共和国万岁’,而只是髙喊我父亲万岁，他那时栽倒在她脚边,脸朝下躺着。 …
“可是她说得话声很大，大得拿尖叫，他们就开枪，她倒下了。我想离开队伍扑到她身边去,可是我们都被缚在一起，幵枪的是民防军,他们在那儿等着还要枪藉别人，这时长枪党党员们把我们象牲口般赶上山去，把民防军留在后面，支着步枪，墙脚下全是？“体。我们这些姑娘和妇女的手腌被缚着，连成一串，他们把我们一群人赶上了山，穿过街道来到。”场。到了。”场上,他们在镇公所对面的理发店门口停下了。
“那时有两个人瞧瞧我们,一个说，‘她是村长的女儿。”另一个说"拿她开头。’
“他们割断了我手腕上的绳子,有一个对其他人说“把其他人用绳子结好。”这两个人就抓住了我的胳膊，把我拖进理发店,提起来，按在理发椅上不让动。
“我在理发店的镜子里看到了自己的脸，看到了那些抓住我的人的脸，看到了另外三个俯在我身上的人的脸，这些脸，我一个也不认得,伹是在镜子里我看到了自己和他们，而他们只看到我。那样子就象牙科诊所的椅子上坐了个人，有很多牙科医生,他们都发了疯。我几乎没法认出自己的脸了，因为我伤心得脸都变了样，但我望着它，知道是自己的脸。然而我伤心得不感到害怕，也没有什么感觉了,只是伤心。
“那时我的头发梳两条辨子，我从镜子里见到有个人抓住了一条辫子猛拉，这样在伤心之外突然使我痛得难熬。他接着用縱刀齐头发根把辫子割了下来。我看到自己只剩了一条辫子和另一条辫子的残根。他接着没有再拉,就把另一条辨子也割了，剃刀在我耳朵上划玻了一道小口子,我见到上面在淹血。你用指头能摸到伤疤吗?”
“能。可是别谈这事了,好吗？
“没什么。我不谈那件不幸的事。他就这样用剃刀把我的辫子齐头发根割了下来，其他人哈哈大笑。”我简直没感觉到耳朵
上的伤口痛。他接者站在我面前，用辫子抽打我的脸,而其他两个人抓住了我，他说，‘这就是我们制造赤色尼姑的方法。这就叫你明白，怎样和你的无产阶级兄弟们打成一片申红色基督的新娘子，“
“他用我自己的辫子一遍又一遒地抽打我的脸,然后用辫子勒住我的璨，紧扎住我的脖子，在脑后打了个铕，这样塞住了我的嘴。两个按住我的人哈哈大笑。
“看到的人都哈哈大笑。我在镜子里看到他们笑的样子，我哭起来了，因为直到那时为止，枪杀使我麻木得哭不出来。”
“接着，那个堵我嘴的人用理发推子在我头上到处乱推，先从前额开始，一直推到后脑脖子根，然后在头顶上横推过去，满头都推到了,耳朵后面的地方部没漏掉。他们抓住了我，我在理发店的铳子里看到替我剃头发的全部经过。剃过之后,我寘没法相信，我哭了又哭，伹我没法不看我自已脸上的那斟可怕模样 嘴张着，勒着辫子，推于经过的地方，头发全光了。“
“拿推于的人剃完了头，在架子上拿了瓶碘酒（他们把理发师也枪杀了，因为他是工会会员，他就躺在店门口，他们拖我进来的时候，把我从他身上提了过去》，用碘酒瓶里的玻璃棒擦我耳朵上的伤口，在我的伤心和惊恐之中，加上了这种零星的痛苦”
“接者他站在我面前，拿碘酒在我前額上写了口. ？-三个字母，就象美术家那样慢条斯理地画着。我在镜子里望着他的一举一动,不再哭了，因为我父亲和母亲的遭进已使我伤心之极，我自己的遭遢无足轻重了。这我心里明白。
“那个长枪党写完后，后退了一步，望着我，检查他写得怎么样,接着放下碘酒瓶,拿起推子说，‘下一个。”于是他们紧紧拽住了我两条胳膊，把我从理发店里拖出去。那理发师还是仰天躺在门口，脸色死白，我在他身上绊了一交，当时有两个人正把我最好的朋友孔塞普西昂 格拉西亚拖进来，我和她几乎撞个满怀。她当时看见了我却不认得我了，后来才认出是我，就尖声大叫起来。他们推推搡搡地把我带进。”场对面村公所的大门， 直上楼到我父亲的办公室，把我按在长沙发上。这一路上,我始终听到她的尖叫声。他们就是在那儿干下那伤天害理的事来的，“
“我的兔子。”罗伯特 乔丹说，尽量温柔地紧搂着她。可是他满腔仇恨，怒不可遏。“别再说了。别再跟我说了，因为现在仇恨使我受不了啦，“
她在他怀里变得俚硬、冰冷，她说，“好。我再也不谈这亊了。可他们是坏人，如果可能的话，我要跟你一起杀他们几个才解恨。不过我刚才告诉你，只是为了尊重你,因为我要敗你的妻子。为了要你明白。”
“你告诉了我，我很离兴。”他说。“明天走运的话，我们可以杀很多人。“
“我们要杀长枪党吗？坏事是池们干的啊。”“他们不打仗。”他阴郁地说。“他们在后方杀人。和我们交锋的不是他们。”
“难道我们没办法杀他们吗？我真想杀几个这种人。”“这种人我杀过，”他说。“今后我们还要杀。炸火车的时候我们杀过。”
“我想和你一起去炸一次火车，”玛丽亚说。“那次炸火车后，比拉尔把我带走时,我有点儿疯疯瘭癲了。她跟你讲过我那时的情形吗。”
"讲过。别谈这事了。”
“我当时头脑昏昏沉沉，只会哭。可是我还有“件事得告诉你。我非说不可。说了你也许不会娶我了。可是，罗伯托，要是你不愿意娶我，那么我们能不能还是一直在一起呢”“我要娶你。”
“不。这件事我忘了。也许你不应该娶我。我可能永远不会给你生儿育女了，因为比拉尔说，要是会生育，他们糟蹋我之后我就会生了，这件事我不能不告诉你。暧，我怎么会把这件事忘了。“
“这没有关系，兔子，”他说。“首先，情况可能还不是这样。这得由医生来断定。其次，我不希望把几女带到如今这样的世界上来。此外，我要把我的爱全部给你。”
“我想给你生儿育女。”她对他说。“要是没有我们的子女跟法西斯打仗,这世界怎么会变好呢。”
“你啊，”他说。“我爱你。你听到吗？现在我们得睡了，兔子，因为早在天亮前我就得起身，这个月份,天亮得很早啊“那么我说的最后一件事不碍
收听单词发音 |
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thighs
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| n.股，大腿( thigh的名词复数 )；食用的鸡（等的）腿 | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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oversupply
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| n.供应过量；v.过度供给 | |
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voluptuousness
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| n.风骚，体态丰满 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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wilt
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| v.(使)植物凋谢或枯萎；(指人)疲倦，衰弱 | |
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plaza
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| n.广场，市场 | |
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pajamas
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| n.睡衣裤 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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manure
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| n.粪，肥，肥粒；vt.施肥 | |
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superstitious
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| adj.迷信的 | |
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flattens
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| 变平，使（某物）变平( flatten的第三人称单数 )； 彻底打败某人，使丢脸； 停止增长（或上升）； （把身体或身体部位）紧贴… | |
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swell
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| vi.膨胀，肿胀；增长，增强 | |
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neatly
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| adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地 | |
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flecks
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| n.斑点，小点( fleck的名词复数 )；癍 | |
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rigid
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| adj.严格的，死板的；刚硬的，僵硬的 | |
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deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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gravel
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| n.砂跞；砂砾层；结石 | |
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chestnut
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| n.栗树，栗子 | |
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second-hand
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| adj.用过的，旧的，二手的 | |
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fascists
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| n.法西斯主义的支持者( fascist的名词复数 ) | |
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schooling
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| n.教育；正规学校教育 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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numb
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| adj.麻木的，失去感觉的；v.使麻木 | |
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shriek
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| v./n.尖叫，叫喊 | |
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herded
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| 群集，纠结( herd的过去式和过去分词 )； 放牧； （使）向…移动 | |
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slash
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| vi.大幅度削减；vt.猛砍，尖锐抨击，大幅减少；n.猛砍，斜线，长切口，衣衩 | |
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nuns
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| n.（通常指基督教的）修女， （佛教的）尼姑( nun的名词复数 ) | |
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iodine
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| n.碘，碘酒 | |
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doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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numbness
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| n.无感觉，麻木，惊呆 | |
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steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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chivalry
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| n.骑士气概，侠义；（男人）对女人彬彬有礼，献殷勤 | |
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Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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idol
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| n.偶像，红人，宠儿 | |
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virgins
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| 处女，童男( virgin的名词复数 )； 童贞玛利亚（耶稣之母） | |
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fanatics
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| 狂热者，入迷者( fanatic的名词复数 ) | |
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tingle
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| vi.感到刺痛，感到激动；n.刺痛，激动 | |
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