The Last of What I Am
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PART 2 CHAPTER 39

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PART 2 CHAPTER
39
P HOEBE AGAIN CALLS TO ME WITHOUT MOVING HER LIPS. HER VOICE IS still faint, far off, but I
make out her question. “Why do you torment1 yourself so for Bibb’s death? He was just one man
during four long years of combat, and you’ve told me about Sam, Zeke, and the others,” she
said. “You lost them too. And you must have killed lots of union soldiers. Why is Bibb
different?”
The sun has gone down without my notice or Phoebe’s, and objects in the room are now only
blue outlines made by the full moon beyond the windows. I sense another person in the room
before I see him. His shirt sparkles turquoise3 in the moonlight. It’s Tatternook, his black suit and
hat merging4 with the dark. He nods in recognition. A gasp5 escapes me, but then there’s a second
visitor. John Bibb stands beside him. With a slight movement of his hand, he greets me. How
long have they been there? I was too wrapped up in the worst of my past to note their arrival.
Now all three await my response to Phoebe’s question.
The images still vibrate in the room: Ahl and Old Hike in the pen, Beards’ reaction to my
desperate plan, Bibb’s motionless body as I crouch6 over it, Lewis and his lonely cabin. These
memories have been buried for so long, hidden below recollections of my family life in
Augusta. They have the shock of a fresh wound. But curiously7, the pain is less than I feared.
There my secret is, out in the open for the first time. What if I’d heard myself say these things to
Mary or Ellen long ago? Might my family have been as understanding? Spoken aloud over time,
would my guilt8 have lost its power? The words no longer weigh so heavily that I think they’ll


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 torment gJXzd     
n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠
参考例句：
  • He has never suffered the torment of rejection.他从未经受过遭人拒绝的痛苦。
  • Now nothing aggravates me more than when people torment each other.没有什么东西比人们的互相折磨更使我愤怒。
2 bout Asbzz     
n.侵袭，发作；一次(阵，回)；拳击等比赛
参考例句：
  • I was suffering with a bout of nerves.我感到一阵紧张。
  • That bout of pneumonia enfeebled her.那次肺炎的发作使她虚弱了。
3 turquoise Uldwx     
n.绿宝石；adj.蓝绿色的
参考例句：
  • She wore a string of turquoise round her neck.她脖子上戴着一串绿宝石。
  • The women have elaborate necklaces of turquoise.那些女人戴着由绿松石制成的精美项链。
4 merging 65cc30ed55db36c739ab349d7c58dfe8     
合并（分类）
参考例句：
  • Many companies continued to grow by merging with or buying competing firms. 许多公司通过合并或收买竞争对手的公司而不断扩大。 来自英汉非文学 - 政府文件
  • To sequence by repeated splitting and merging. 用反复分开和合并的方法进行的排序。
5 gasp UfxzL     
n.喘息，气喘；v.喘息；气吁吁他说
参考例句：
  • She gave a gasp of surprise.她吃惊得大口喘气。
  • The enemy are at their last gasp.敌人在做垂死的挣扎。
6 crouch Oz4xX     
v.蹲伏，蜷缩，低头弯腰；n.蹲伏
参考例句：
  • I crouched on the ground.我蹲在地上。
  • He crouched down beside him.他在他的旁边蹲下来。
7 curiously 3v0zIc     
adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地
参考例句：
  • He looked curiously at the people.他好奇地看着那些人。
  • He took long stealthy strides. His hands were curiously cold.他迈着悄没声息的大步。他的双手出奇地冷。
8 guilt 9e6xr     
n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责
参考例句：
  • She tried to cover up her guilt by lying.她企图用谎言掩饰自己的罪行。
  • Don't lay a guilt trip on your child about schoolwork.别因为功课责备孩子而使他觉得很内疚。
9 condemn zpxzp     
vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑
参考例句：
  • Some praise him,whereas others condemn him.有些人赞扬他，而有些人谴责他。
  • We mustn't condemn him on mere suppositions.我们不可全凭臆测来指责他。
10 attentively AyQzjz     
adv.聚精会神地；周到地；谛；凝神
参考例句：
  • She listened attentively while I poured out my problems. 我倾吐心中的烦恼时，她一直在注意听。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • She listened attentively and set down every word he said. 她专心听着，把他说的话一字不漏地记下来。 来自《简明英汉词典》
11 confession 8Ygye     
n.自白，供认，承认
参考例句：
  • Her confession was simply tantamount to a casual explanation.她的自白简直等于一篇即席说明。
  • The police used torture to extort a confession from him.警察对他用刑逼供。
12 coalesce oWhyj     
v.联合，结合，合并
参考例句：
  • And these rings of gas would then eventually coalesce and form the planets.这些气体环最后终于凝结形成行星。
  • They will probably collide again and again until they coalesce.他们可能会一次又一次地发生碰撞，直到他们合并。
13 killing kpBziQ     
n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财
参考例句：
  • Investors are set to make a killing from the sell-off.投资者准备清仓以便大赚一笔。
  • Last week my brother made a killing on Wall Street.上个周我兄弟在华尔街赚了一大笔。
14 slaughter 8Tpz1     
n.屠杀，屠宰；vt.屠杀，宰杀
参考例句：
  • I couldn't stand to watch them slaughter the cattle.我不忍看他们宰牛。
  • Wholesale slaughter was carried out in the name of progress.大规模的屠杀在维护进步的名义下进行。
15 tightening 19aa014b47fbdfbc013e5abf18b64642     
上紧，固定，紧密
参考例句：
  • Make sure the washer is firmly seated before tightening the pipe. 旋紧水管之前，检查一下洗衣机是否已牢牢地固定在底座上了。
  • It needs tightening up a little. 它还需要再收紧些。
16 melancholy t7rz8     
n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的
参考例句：
  • All at once he fell into a state of profound melancholy.他立即陷入无尽的忧思之中。
  • He felt melancholy after he failed the exam.这次考试没通过，他感到很郁闷。
17 stunned 735ec6d53723be15b1737edd89183ec2     
adj. 震惊的，惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词
参考例句：
  • The fall stunned me for a moment. 那一下摔得我昏迷了片刻。
  • The leaders of the Kopper Company were then stunned speechless. 科伯公司的领导们当时被惊得目瞪口呆。
18 foul Sfnzy     
adj.污秽的；邪恶的；v.弄脏；妨害；犯规；n.犯规
参考例句：
  • Take off those foul clothes and let me wash them.脱下那些脏衣服让我洗一洗。
  • What a foul day it is!多么恶劣的天气！
19 bloody kWHza     
adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染
参考例句：
  • He got a bloody nose in the fight.他在打斗中被打得鼻子流血。
  • He is a bloody fool.他是一个十足的笨蛋。
20 sergeant REQzz     
n.警官，中士
参考例句：
  • His elder brother is a sergeant.他哥哥是个警官。
  • How many stripes are there on the sleeve of a sergeant?陆军中士的袖子上有多少条纹？
21 stump hGbzY     
n.残株，烟蒂，讲演台；v.砍断，蹒跚而走
参考例句：
  • He went on the stump in his home state.他到故乡所在的州去发表演说。
  • He used the stump as a table.他把树桩用作桌子。
22 averted 35a87fab0bbc43636fcac41969ed458a     
防止，避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 )； 转移
参考例句：
  • A disaster was narrowly averted. 及时防止了一场灾难。
  • Thanks to her skilful handling of the affair, the problem was averted. 多亏她对事情处理得巧妙，才避免了麻烦。
23 socket jw9wm     
n.窝，穴，孔，插座，插口
参考例句：
  • He put the electric plug into the socket.他把电插头插入插座。
  • The battery charger plugs into any mains socket.这个电池充电器可以插入任何类型的电源插座。
24 thicket So0wm     
n.灌木丛，树林
参考例句：
  • A thicket makes good cover for animals to hide in.丛林是动物的良好隐蔽处。
  • We were now at the margin of the thicket.我们现在已经来到了丛林的边缘。
25 crutches crutches     
n.拐杖, 支柱 v.支撑
参考例句：
  • After the accident I spent six months on crutches . 事故后我用了六个月的腋杖。
  • When he broke his leg he had to walk on crutches. 他腿摔断了以后，不得不靠拐杖走路。
26 sprouting c8222ee91acc6d4059c7ab09c0d8d74e     
v.发芽( sprout的现在分词 )；抽芽；出现；（使）涌现出
参考例句：
  • new leaves sprouting from the trees 树上长出的新叶
  • They were putting fresh earth around sprouting potato stalks. 他们在往绽出新芽的土豆秧周围培新土。 来自名作英译部分
27 toll LJpzo     
n.过路(桥)费；损失，伤亡人数；v.敲(钟)
参考例句：
  • The hailstone took a heavy toll of the crops in our village last night.昨晚那场冰雹损坏了我们村的庄稼。
  • The war took a heavy toll of human life.这次战争夺去了许多人的生命。
28 carrion gXFzu     
n.腐肉
参考例句：
  • A crow of bloodthirsty ants is attracted by the carrion.一群嗜血的蚂蚁被腐肉所吸引。
  • Vultures usually feed on carrion or roadkill.兀鹫通常以腐肉和公路上的死伤动物为食。
29 ward LhbwY     
n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开
参考例句：
  • The hospital has a medical ward and a surgical ward.这家医院有内科病房和外科病房。
  • During the evening picnic,I'll carry a torch to ward off the bugs.傍晚野餐时，我要点根火把，抵挡蚊虫。
30 incapable w9ZxK     
adj.无能力的，不能做某事的
参考例句：
  • He would be incapable of committing such a cruel deed.他不会做出这么残忍的事。
  • Computers are incapable of creative thought.计算机不会创造性地思维。
31 soften 6w0wk     
v.(使)变柔软；(使)变柔和
参考例句：
  • Plastics will soften when exposed to heat.塑料适当加热就可以软化。
  • This special cream will help to soften up our skin.这种特殊的护肤霜有助于使皮肤变得柔软。
32 blessings 52a399b218b9208cade790a26255db6b     
n.（上帝的）祝福( blessing的名词复数 )；好事；福分；因祸得福
参考例句：
  • Afflictions are sometimes blessings in disguise. 塞翁失马，焉知非福。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • We don't rely on blessings from Heaven. 我们不靠老天保佑。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
33 awakening 9ytzdV     
n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的
参考例句：
  • the awakening of interest in the environment 对环境产生的兴趣
  • People are gradually awakening to their rights. 人们正逐渐意识到自己的权利。
34 joyful N3Fx0     
adj.欢乐的，令人欢欣的
参考例句：
  • She was joyful of her good result of the scientific experiments.她为自己的科学实验取得好成果而高兴。
  • They were singing and dancing to celebrate this joyful occasion.他们唱着、跳着庆祝这令人欢乐的时刻。
35 marred 5fc2896f7cb5af68d251672a8d30b5b5     
adj. 被损毁, 污损的
参考例句：
  • The game was marred by the behaviour of drunken fans. 喝醉了的球迷行为不轨，把比赛给搅了。
  • Bad diction marred the effectiveness of his speech. 措词不当影响了他演说的效果。
36 smallpox 9iNzJw     
n.天花
参考例句：
  • In 1742 he suffered a fatal attack of smallpox.1742年，他染上了致命的天花。
  • Were you vaccinated against smallpox as a child?你小时候打过天花疫苗吗？
37 cholera rbXyf     
n.霍乱
参考例句：
  • The cholera outbreak has been contained.霍乱的发生已被控制住了。
  • Cholera spread like wildfire through the camps.霍乱在营地里迅速传播。
38 cannon 3T8yc     
n.大炮，火炮；飞机上的机关炮
参考例句：
  • The soldiers fired the cannon.士兵们开炮。
  • The cannon thundered in the hills.大炮在山间轰鸣。
39 tormented b017cc8a8957c07bc6b20230800888d0     
饱受折磨的
参考例句：
  • The knowledge of his guilt tormented him. 知道了自己的罪责使他非常痛苦。
  • He had lain awake all night, tormented by jealousy. 他彻夜未眠，深受嫉妒的折磨。
40 lighter 5pPzPR     
n.打火机，点火器；驳船；v.用驳船运送；light的比较级
参考例句：
  • The portrait was touched up so as to make it lighter.这张画经过润色，色调明朗了一些。
  • The lighter works off the car battery.引燃器利用汽车蓄电池打火。
41 obsession eIdxt     
n.困扰，无法摆脱的思想(或情感)
参考例句：
  • I was suffering from obsession that my career would be ended.那时的我陷入了我的事业有可能就此终止的困扰当中。
  • She would try to forget her obsession with Christopher.她会努力忘记对克里斯托弗的迷恋。
42 ribs 24fc137444401001077773555802b280     
n.肋骨( rib的名词复数 )；（船或屋顶等的）肋拱；肋骨状的东西；（织物的）凸条花纹
参考例句：
  • He suffered cracked ribs and bruising. 他断了肋骨还有挫伤。
  • Make a small incision below the ribs. 在肋骨下方切开一个小口。
43 purging 832cd742d18664512602b0ae7fec22be     
清洗； 清除； 净化； 洗炉
参考例句：
  • You learned the dry-mouthed, fear-purged, purging ecstasy of battle. 你体会到战斗中那种使人嘴巴发干的，战胜了恐惧并排除其他杂念的狂喜。
  • Purging databases, configuring, and making other exceptional requests might fall into this category. 比如清空数据库、配置，以及其他特别的请求等都属于这个类别。 来自About Face 3交互设计精髓
44 blindfold blindfold     
vt.蒙住…的眼睛；adj.盲目的；adv.盲目地；n.蒙眼的绷带[布等]； 障眼物，蒙蔽人的事物
参考例句：
  • They put a blindfold on a horse.他们给马蒙上遮眼布。
  • I can do it blindfold.我闭着眼睛都能做。
45 afterward fK6y3     
adv.后来；以后
参考例句：
  • Let's go to the theatre first and eat afterward. 让我们先去看戏，然后吃饭。
  • Afterward,the boy became a very famous artist.后来，这男孩成为一个很有名的艺术家。
46 navigate 4Gyxu     
v.航行，飞行；导航，领航
参考例句：
  • He was the first man to navigate the Atlantic by air.他是第一个飞越大西洋的人。
  • Such boats can navigate on the Nile.这种船可以在尼罗河上航行。
47 muffled fnmzel     
adj.（声音）被隔的；听不太清的；（衣服）裹严的；蒙住的v.压抑，捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 )；用厚厚的衣帽包着（自己）
参考例句：
  • muffled voices from the next room 从隔壁房间里传来的沉闷声音
  • There was a muffled explosion somewhere on their right. 在他们的右面什么地方有一声沉闷的爆炸声。 来自《简明英汉词典》
48 repentance ZCnyS     
n.懊悔
参考例句：
  • He shows no repentance for what he has done.他对他的所作所为一点也不懊悔。
  • Christ is inviting sinners to repentance.基督正在敦请有罪的人悔悟。
49 desperately cu7znp     
adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地
参考例句：
  • He was desperately seeking a way to see her again.他正拼命想办法再见她一面。
  • He longed desperately to be back at home.他非常渴望回家。
50 pebble c3Rzo     
n.卵石，小圆石
参考例句：
  • The bird mistook the pebble for egg and tried to hatch it.这只鸟错把卵石当蛋，想去孵它。
  • The pebble made a ripple on the surface of the lake.石子在湖面上激起一个涟漪。
51 stuns 665500bd52ea3f8441b1ac501846cfe3     
v.击晕( stun的第三人称单数 )；使大吃一惊；给（某人）以深刻印象；使深深感动
参考例句：
  • But sometimes, a moment stuns us as it happens. 但总有那么一个瞬间让我们惊喜。 来自互联网
  • Shield Stun: Stuns the top of the aggro chart, 3s stun. 盾牌昏迷：最大眩晕，3秒钟晕眩。 来自互联网
52 gratitude p6wyS     
adj.感激，感谢
参考例句：
  • I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
  • She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。
53 valiant YKczP     
adj.勇敢的，英勇的；n.勇士，勇敢的人
参考例句：
  • He had the fame of being very valiant.他的勇敢是出名的。
  • Despite valiant efforts by the finance minister,inflation rose to 36%.尽管财政部部长采取了一系列果决措施，通货膨胀率还是涨到了36%。
54 resentment 4sgyv     
n.怨愤，忿恨
参考例句：
  • All her feelings of resentment just came pouring out.她一股脑儿倾吐出所有的怨恨。
  • She cherished a deep resentment under the rose towards her employer.她暗中对她的雇主怀恨在心。
55 gender slSyD     
n.（生理上的）性，（名词、代词等的）性
参考例句：
  • French differs from English in having gender for all nouns.法语不同于英语，所有的名词都有性。
  • Women are sometimes denied opportunities solely because of their gender.妇女有时仅仅因为性别而无法获得种种机会。
56 vibrations d94a4ca3e6fa6302ae79121ffdf03b40     
n.摆动( vibration的名词复数 )；震动；感受；（偏离平衡位置的）一次性往复振动
参考例句：
  • We could feel the vibrations from the trucks passing outside. 我们可以感到外面卡车经过时的颤动。
  • I am drawn to that girl; I get good vibrations from her. 我被那女孩吸引住了，她使我产生良好的感觉。 来自《简明英汉词典》
57 luminous 98ez5     
adj.发光的，发亮的；光明的；明白易懂的；有启发的
参考例句：
  • There are luminous knobs on all the doors in my house.我家所有门上都安有夜光把手。
  • Most clocks and watches in this shop are in luminous paint.这家商店出售的大多数钟表都涂了发光漆。
58 awareness 4yWzdW     
n.意识，觉悟，懂事，明智
参考例句：
  • There is a general awareness that smoking is harmful.人们普遍认识到吸烟有害健康。
  • Environmental awareness has increased over the years.这些年来人们的环境意识增强了。

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