Nine
“Seems quite like old times, doesn’t it, madam?” said Albert. He beamedhappily. Though now, in his middle years, running somewhat to fat, Alberthad still the romantic boy’s heart which had first led him into associationswith Tommy and Tuppence in their young and adventurous¹ days.
“Remember how you first came across me?” demanded Albert. “Cleanin’
of the brasses², I was, in those topnotch flats. Coo, wasn’t that hall porter anasty bit of goods? Always on to me, he was. And the day you come alongand strung me a tale! Pack of lies it was too, all about a crook³ called ReadyRita. Not but what some of it didn’t turn out to be true. And since then, asyou might say, I’ve never looked back. Many’s the adventures we hadafore we all settled down, so to speak.”
Albert sighed, and, by a natural association of ideas, Tuppence inquiredafter the health of Mrs. Albert.
“Oh, the missus is all right—but she doesn’t take to the Welsh much, shesays. Thinks they ought to learn proper English, and as for raids—why,they’ve had two there already, and holes in the field what you could put amotorcar in, so she says. So—how’s that for safety? Might as well be inKennington, she says, where she wouldn’t have to see all the melancholytrees and could get good clean milk in a bottle.”
“I don’t know,” said Tuppence, suddenly stricken, “that we ought to getyou into this, Albert.”
“Nonsense, madam,” said Albert. “Didn’t I try and join up and they wereso haughty⁴ they wouldn’t look at me. Wait for my age group to be calledup, they said. And me in the pink of health and only too eager to get atthem perishing Germans—if you’ll excuse the language. You just tell mehow I can put a spoke⁵ in their wheel and spoil their goings on—and I’mthere. Fifth Column, that’s what we’re up against, so the papers say —though what’s happened to the other four they don’t mention. But the longand short of it is, I’m ready to assist you and Captain Beresford in any wayyou like to indicate.”
“Good. Now I’ll tell you what we want you to do.”

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