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Tropic of Capricorn 19
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If from this point I do not begin, it is because there is no beginning. If I do not fly at once to the bright land it is because wings are of no avail. It is zero hour and the moon is at nadir1...
Why I think of Maxie Schnadig I don't know, unless it is because of Dostoievski. The night I sat down to read Dostoievski for the first time was a most important event in my life, even more important than my first love. It was the first deliberate, conscious act which had significance for me; it changed the whole face of the world. Whether it is true that the clock stopped that moment when I looked up after the first deep gulp2 I don't know any more. But the world stopped dead for a moment, that I know. It was my first glimpse into the soul of a man, or shall I say simply that Dostoievski was the first man to reveal his soul to me? Maybe I have been a bit queer before that, without realizing it, but from the moment that I dipped into Dostoievski I was definitely, irrevocably, contentedly3 queer. The ordinary waking, work-a-day world was finished for me. Any ambition of desire I had to write was also killed - for a long time to come. I was like those men who have been too long in the trenches4, too long under fire. Ordinary human suffering, ordinary human jealousy5, ordinary human ambitions - it was just so much shit to me.
I can visualize6 best my condition when I think of my relations with Maxie and his sister Rita. At the time Maxie and I were both interested in sport. We used to go swimming together a great deal, that I remember well. Often we passed the whole day and night at the beach. I had only met Maxie's sister once or twice; whenever I brought up her name Maxie would rather frantically7 begin to talk about something else.
That annoyed me because I was really bored to death with Maxie's company, tolerating him only because he loaned me money readily and bought me things which I needed. Every time we started for the beach I was in hopes his sister would turn up unexpectedly. But no, he always managed to keep her out of reach. Well, one day as we were undressing in the bath house and he was showing me what a fine tight scrotum he had, I said to him right out of the blue - "listen, Maxie, that's all right about your nuts, they're fine and dandy, and there's nothing to worry about but where in hell is Rita all the time, why don't you bring her along some time and let me take a good look at her quim... yes, quim,you know what I mean." Maxie, being a Jew from Odessa, had never heard the word quim before. He was deeply shocked by my words and yet at the same time
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1
nadir
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| n.最低点,无底 | |
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gulp
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| vt.吞咽,大口地吸(气);vi.哽住;n.吞咽 | |
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contentedly
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| adv.心满意足地 | |
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trenches
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| 深沟,地沟( trench的名词复数 ); 战壕 | |
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5
jealousy
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| n.妒忌,嫉妒,猜忌 | |
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visualize
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| vt.使看得见,使具体化,想象,设想 | |
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frantically
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| ad.发狂地, 发疯地 | |
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dressing
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| n.(食物)调料;包扎伤口的用品,敷料 | |
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intrigued
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| adj.好奇的,被迷住了的v.搞阴谋诡计(intrigue的过去式);激起…的兴趣或好奇心;“intrigue”的过去式和过去分词 | |
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daze
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| v.(使)茫然,(使)发昏 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地,出其不意地 | |
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eel
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| n.鳗鲡 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼 | |
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tornado
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| n.飓风,龙卷风 | |
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inexplicable
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| adj.无法解释的,难理解的 | |
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tonic
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| n./adj.滋补品,补药,强身的,健体的 | |
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standing
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| n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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flannel
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| n.法兰绒;法兰绒衣服 | |
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fatigue
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| n.疲劳,劳累 | |
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electrified
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| v.使电气化( electrify的过去式和过去分词 );使兴奋 | |
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germinating
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| n.& adj.发芽(的)v.(使)发芽( germinate的现在分词 ) | |
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cocoons
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| n.茧,蚕茧( cocoon的名词复数 )v.茧,蚕茧( cocoon的第三人称单数 ) | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地,彻底地,十足地 | |
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deserted
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| adj.荒芜的,荒废的,无人的,被遗弃的 | |
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smack
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| vt.拍,打,掴;咂嘴;vi.含有…意味;n.拍 | |
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bellow
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| v.吼叫,怒吼;大声发出,大声喝道 | |
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drenched
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| adj.湿透的;充满的v.使湿透( drench的过去式和过去分词 );在某人(某物)上大量使用(某液体) | |
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exultant
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| adj.欢腾的,狂欢的,大喜的 | |
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irrelevant
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| adj.不恰当的,无关系的,不相干的 | |
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bastard
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| n.坏蛋,混蛋;私生子 | |
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pry
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| vi.窥(刺)探,打听;vt.撬动(开,起) | |
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dime
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| n.(指美国、加拿大的钱币)一角 | |
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stupor
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| v.昏迷;不省人事 | |
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velvety
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| adj. 像天鹅绒的, 轻软光滑的, 柔软的 | |
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dozing
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| v.打瞌睡,假寐 n.瞌睡 | |
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joint
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| adj.联合的,共同的;n.关节,接合处;v.连接,贴合 | |
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lining
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| n.衬里,衬料 | |
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shudder
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| v.战粟,震动,剧烈地摇晃;n.战粟,抖动 | |
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sopping
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| adj. 浑身湿透的 动词sop的现在分词形式 | |
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jolt
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| v.(使)摇动,(使)震动,(使)颠簸 | |
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43
ecstasy
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| n.狂喜,心醉神怡,入迷 | |
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germination
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| n.萌芽,发生;萌发;生芽;催芽 | |
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45
authenticity
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| n.真实性 | |
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concealed
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| a.隐藏的,隐蔽的 | |
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qualified
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| adj.合格的,有资格的,胜任的,有限制的 | |
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48
balked
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| v.畏缩不前,犹豫( balk的过去式和过去分词 );(指马)不肯跑 | |
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agonizing
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| adj.痛苦难忍的;使人苦恼的v.使极度痛苦;折磨(agonize的ing形式) | |
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50
spurts
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| 短暂而突然的活动或努力( spurt的名词复数 ); 突然奋起 | |
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spinal
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| adj.针的,尖刺的,尖刺状突起的;adj.脊骨的,脊髓的 | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的 | |
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caress
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| vt./n.爱抚,抚摸 | |
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primitive
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| adj.原始的;简单的;n.原(始)人,原始事物 | |
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primitives
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| 原始人(primitive的复数形式) | |
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56
uprooted
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| v.把(某物)连根拔起( uproot的过去式和过去分词 );根除;赶走;把…赶出家园 | |
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vertical
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| adj.垂直的,顶点的,纵向的;n.垂直物,垂直的位置 | |
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obliquely
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| adv.斜; 倾斜; 间接; 不光明正大 | |
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enchanting
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| a.讨人喜欢的 | |
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60
maniac
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| n.精神癫狂的人;疯子 | |
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crook
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| v.使弯曲;n.小偷,骗子,贼;弯曲(处) | |
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astronomer
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| n.天文学家 | |
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harmoniously
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| 和谐地,调和地 | |
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spore
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| n.(无花植物借以繁殖的)孢子,芽胞 | |
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disintegrate
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| v.瓦解,解体,(使)碎裂,(使)粉碎 | |
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disintegrated
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| v.(使)破裂[分裂,粉碎],(使)崩溃( disintegrate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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disintegration
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| n.分散,解体 | |
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moth
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| n.蛾,蛀虫 | |
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moths
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| n.蛾( moth的名词复数 ) | |
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fabric
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| n.织物,织品,布;构造,结构,组织 | |
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deteriorate
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| v.变坏;恶化;退化 | |
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charred
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| v.把…烧成炭( char的过去式);烧焦 | |
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stumps
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| (被砍下的树的)树桩( stump的名词复数 ); 残肢; (板球三柱门的)柱; 残余部分 | |
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74
gaping
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| adj.口的;张口的;敞口的;多洞穴的v.目瞪口呆地凝视( gape的现在分词 );张开,张大 | |
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75
gutter
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| n.沟,街沟,水槽,檐槽,贫民窟 | |
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cockroaches
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| n.蟑螂( cockroach的名词复数 ) | |
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poultry
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| n.家禽,禽肉 | |
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pickles
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| n.腌菜( pickle的名词复数 );处于困境;遇到麻烦;菜酱 | |
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sputtering
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| n.反应溅射法;飞溅;阴极真空喷镀;喷射v.唾沫飞溅( sputter的现在分词 );发劈啪声;喷出;飞溅出 | |
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hissing
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| n. 发嘶嘶声, 蔑视 动词hiss的现在分词形式 | |
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fortress
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| n.堡垒,防御工事 | |
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stranded
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| a.搁浅的,进退两难的 | |
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mowed
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| v.刈,割( mow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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metropolitan
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| adj.大城市的,大都会的 | |
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cemeteries
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| n.(非教堂的)墓地,公墓( cemetery的名词复数 ) | |
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artery
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| n.干线,要道;动脉 | |
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skyscrapers
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| n.摩天大楼 | |
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warehouses
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| 仓库,货栈( warehouse的名词复数 ) | |
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plazas
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| n.(尤指西班牙语城镇的)露天广场( plaza的名词复数 );购物中心 | |
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90
stationery
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| n.文具;(配套的)信笺信封 | |
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odious
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| adj.可憎的,讨厌的 | |
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permanently
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| adv.永恒地,永久地,固定不变地 | |
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modernized
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| 使现代化,使适应现代需要( modernize的过去式和过去分词 ); 现代化,使用现代方法 | |
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vestiges
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| 残余部分( vestige的名词复数 ); 遗迹; 痕迹; 毫不 | |
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effaced
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| v.擦掉( efface的过去式和过去分词 );抹去;超越;使黯然失色 | |
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96
trampled
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| 踩( trample的过去式和过去分词 ); 践踏; 无视; 侵犯 | |
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obliterated
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| v.除去( obliterate的过去式和过去分词 );涂去;擦掉;彻底破坏或毁灭 | |
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98
annihilating
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| v.(彻底)消灭( annihilate的现在分词 );使无效;废止;彻底击溃 | |
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99
saluted
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| v.欢迎,致敬( salute的过去式和过去分词 );赞扬,赞颂 | |
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relics
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| [pl.]n.遗物,遗迹,遗产;遗体,尸骸 | |
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101
shanty
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| n.小屋,棚屋;船工号子 | |
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102
diminutive
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| adj.小巧可爱的,小的 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的,异常的,非凡的,值得注意的 | |
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fad
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| n.时尚;一时流行的狂热;一时的爱好 | |
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unlimited
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| adj.无限的,不受控制的,无条件的 | |
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transformation
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| n.变化;改造;转变 | |
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107
deformation
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| n.形状损坏;变形;畸形 | |
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108
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的 | |
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crumbling
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| adj.摇摇欲坠的 | |
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talisman
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| n.避邪物,护身符 | |
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implement
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| n.(pl.)工具,器具;vt.实行,实施,执行 | |
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112
crumbled
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| (把…)弄碎, (使)碎成细屑( crumble的过去式和过去分词 ); 衰落; 坍塌; 损坏 | |
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113
slate
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| n.板岩,石板,石片,石板色,候选人名单;adj.暗蓝灰色的,含板岩的;vt.用石板覆盖,痛打,提名,预订 | |
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entrenched
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| adj.确立的,不容易改的(风俗习惯) | |
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