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Tropic of Capricorn 21
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I have never found such a man! I have never found a man as generous as myself, as forgiving, as tolerant, as carefree, as reckless, as clean at heart. I forgive myself for every crime I have committed. I do it in the name of humanity. I know what it means to be human, the weakness and the strength of it. I suffer from this knowledge and I revel1 in it also. If I had the chance to be God I would reject it. If I had the chance to be a star I would reject it. The most wonderful opportunity which life offers is to be human. It embraces the whole universe. It includes the knowledge of death, which not even God enjoys.
At the point from which this book is written I am the man who baptized himself anew. It is many years since this happened and so much has come in between that it is difficult to get back to that moment and retrace3 the journey of Gottlieb Leberecht Muller. However, perhaps I can give the clue if I say that the man which I now am was born out of a wound. That wound went to the heart. By all man-made logic4 I should have been dead. I was in fact given up for dead by all who once knew me; I walked about like a ghost in their midst. They used the past tense in referring to me, they pitied me, they shovelled5 me under deeper and deeper. Yet I remembered how I used to laugh then, as always, how I made love to other women, how I enjoyed my food and drink, and the soft bed which I dung to like a fiend. Something had killed me, and yet I was alive. But I was live without a memory, without a name; I was cut off from hope as well as from remorse6 or regret. I had no past and I would probably have no future;
I was buried alive in a void which was the wound that had been dealt me. I was the wound itself.
I have a friend who talks to me from time to time about the Miracle of Golgotha of which I understand nothing. But I do know something about the miraculous7 wound which I received, the wound which killed me in the eyes of the world and out of which I was born anew and rebaptized. I know something of the miracle of this wound which I lived and which healed with my death. I tell it as of something long past, but it is with me always. Everything is long past and seemingly invisible, like a
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1
revel
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| vi.狂欢作乐,陶醉;n.作乐,狂欢 | |
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2
omen
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| n.征兆,预兆;vt.预示 | |
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3
retrace
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| v.折回;追溯,探源 | |
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4
logic
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| n.逻辑(学);逻辑性 | |
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5
shovelled
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| v.铲子( shovel的过去式和过去分词 );锹;推土机、挖土机等的)铲;铲形部份 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨,悔恨,自责 | |
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miraculous
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| adj.像奇迹一样的,不可思议的 | |
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constellation
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| n.星座n.灿烂的一群 | |
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resuscitated
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| v.使(某人或某物)恢复知觉,苏醒( resuscitate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 );暴跌;骤降;突降 | |
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resuscitation
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| n.复活 | |
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ecstasy
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| n.狂喜,心醉神怡,入迷 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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bloody
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| adj.非常的的;流血的;残忍的;adv.很;vt.血染 | |
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mired
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| abbr.microreciprocal degree 迈尔德(色温单位)v.深陷( mire的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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suffocated
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| (使某人)窒息而死( suffocate的过去式和过去分词 ); (将某人)闷死; 让人感觉闷热; 憋气 | |
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writhing
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| (因极度痛苦而)扭动或翻滚( writhe的现在分词 ) | |
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groan
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| vi./n.呻吟,抱怨;(发出)呻吟般的声音 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼 | |
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bowels
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| n.肠,内脏,内部;肠( bowel的名词复数 );内部,最深处 | |
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shimmering
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| v.闪闪发光,发微光( shimmer的现在分词 ) | |
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smelt
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| v.熔解,熔炼;n.银白鱼,胡瓜鱼 | |
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fathomless
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| a.深不可测的 | |
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cavern
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| n.洞穴,大山洞 | |
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relentlessly
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| adv.不屈不挠地;残酷地;不间断 | |
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penetrated
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| adj. 击穿的,鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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fiery
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| adj.燃烧着的,火红的;暴躁的;激烈的 | |
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sieved
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| 筛,漏勺( sieve的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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constellations
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| n.星座( constellation的名词复数 );一群杰出人物;一系列(相关的想法、事物);一群(相关的人) | |
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stewing
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| 炖 | |
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yolk
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| n.蛋黄,卵黄 | |
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luminous
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| adj.发光的,发亮的;光明的;明白易懂的;有启发的 | |
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incandescent
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| adj.遇热发光的, 白炽的,感情强烈的 | |
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monstrous
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| adj.巨大的;恐怖的;可耻的,丢脸的 | |
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concealing
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| v.隐藏,隐瞒,遮住( conceal的现在分词 ) | |
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pulpy
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| 果肉状的,多汁的,柔软的; 烂糊; 稀烂 | |
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translucent
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| adj.半透明的;透明的 | |
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revolving
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| adj.旋转的,轮转式的;循环的v.(使)旋转( revolve的现在分词 );细想 | |
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mumbled
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| 含糊地说某事,叽咕,咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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stifled
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| (使)窒息, (使)窒闷( stifle的过去式和过去分词 ); 镇压,遏制; 堵 | |
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reverberating
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| 回响,回荡( reverberate的现在分词 ); 使反响,使回荡,使反射 | |
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42
crevice
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| n.(岩石、墙等)裂缝;缺口 | |
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crevices
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| n.(尤指岩石的)裂缝,缺口( crevice的名词复数 ) | |
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44
gasps
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| v.喘气( gasp的第三人称单数 );喘息;倒抽气;很想要 | |
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45
groans
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| n.呻吟,叹息( groan的名词复数 );呻吟般的声音v.呻吟( groan的第三人称单数 );发牢骚;抱怨;受苦 | |
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46
lashing
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| n.鞭打;痛斥;大量;许多v.鞭打( lash的现在分词 );煽动;紧系;怒斥 | |
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shriek
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| v./n.尖叫,叫喊 | |
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imprisoned
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| 下狱,监禁( imprison的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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belly
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| n.肚子,腹部;(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分,膛 | |
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muffled
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| adj.(声音)被隔的;听不太清的;(衣服)裹严的;蒙住的v.压抑,捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 );用厚厚的衣帽包着(自己) | |
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51
fixed
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| adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
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velvet
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| n.丝绒,天鹅绒;adj.丝绒制的,柔软的 | |
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saturated
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| a.饱和的,充满的 | |
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diabolical
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| adj.恶魔似的,凶暴的 | |
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fume
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| n.(usu pl.)(浓烈或难闻的)烟,气,汽 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
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permanently
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| adv.永恒地,永久地,固定不变地 | |
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internecine
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| adj.两败俱伤的 | |
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strife
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| n.争吵,冲突,倾轧,竞争 | |
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Saturn
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| n.农神,土星 | |
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revolve
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| vi.(使)旋转;循环出现 | |
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shudder
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| v.战粟,震动,剧烈地摇晃;n.战粟,抖动 | |
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delirious
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| adj.不省人事的,神智昏迷的 | |
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revolved
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| v.(使)旋转( revolve的过去式和过去分词 );细想 | |
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egos
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| 自我,自尊,自负( ego的名词复数 ) | |
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phantom
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| n.幻影,虚位,幽灵;adj.错觉的,幻影的,幽灵的 | |
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intimacy
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| n.熟悉,亲密,密切关系,亲昵的言行 | |
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jubilation
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| n.欢庆,喜悦 | |
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sperm
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| n.精子,精液 | |
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saliva
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| n.唾液,口水 | |
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jaws
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| n.口部;嘴 | |
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72
plumes
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| 羽毛( plume的名词复数 ); 羽毛饰; 羽毛状物; 升上空中的羽状物 | |
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lust
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| n.性(淫)欲;渴(欲)望;vi.对…有强烈的欲望 | |
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unicorn
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| n.(传说中的)独角兽 | |
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itch
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| n.痒,渴望,疥癣;vi.发痒,渴望 | |
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suffocating
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| a.使人窒息的 | |
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ascending
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| adj.上升的,向上的 | |
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riveted
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| 铆接( rivet的过去式和过去分词 ); 把…固定住; 吸引; 引起某人的注意 | |
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nethermost
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| adj.最下面的 | |
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fumes
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| n.(强烈而刺激的)气味,气体 | |
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81
fixedly
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| adv.固定地;不屈地,坚定不移地 | |
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lucid
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| adj.明白易懂的,清晰的,头脑清楚的 | |
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83
chaos
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| n.混乱,无秩序 | |
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84
insomnia
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| n.失眠,失眠症 | |
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85
Pluto
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| n.冥王星 | |
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86
Uranus
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| n.天王星 | |
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benevolent
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| adj.仁慈的,乐善好施的 | |
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dummy
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| n.假的东西;(哄婴儿的)橡皮奶头 | |
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connubial
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| adj.婚姻的,夫妇的 | |
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spoke
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| n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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91
plumber
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| n.(装修水管的)管子工 | |
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awl
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| n.尖钻 | |
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torments
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| (肉体或精神上的)折磨,痛苦( torment的名词复数 ); 造成痛苦的事物[人] | |
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94
burrowing
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| v.挖掘(洞穴),挖洞( burrow的现在分词 );翻寻 | |
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frantic
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| adj.狂乱的,错乱的,激昂的 | |
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frantically
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| ad.发狂地, 发疯地 | |
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incessant
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| adj.不停的,连续的 | |
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incessantly
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| ad.不停地 | |
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99
intercepted
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| 拦截( intercept的过去式和过去分词 ); 截住; 截击; 拦阻 | |
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fascination
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| n.令人着迷的事物,魅力,迷恋 | |
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101
hissed
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| 发嘶嘶声( hiss的过去式和过去分词 ); 发嘘声表示反对 | |
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102
hysterical
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| adj.情绪异常激动的,歇斯底里般的 | |
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103
foam
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| v./n.泡沫,起泡沫 | |
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strings
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| n.弦 | |
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impromptu
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| adj.即席的,即兴的;adv.即兴的(地),无准备的(地) | |
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preened
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| v.(鸟)用嘴整理(羽毛)( preen的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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transformation
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| n.变化;改造;转变 | |
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108
jaguar
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| n.美洲虎 | |
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flamingo
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| n.红鹳,火烈鸟 | |
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swooping
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| 俯冲,猛冲( swoop的现在分词 ) | |
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111
spotted
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| adj.有斑点的,斑纹的,弄污了的 | |
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112
pouncing
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| v.突然袭击( pounce的现在分词 );猛扑;一眼看出;抓住机会(进行抨击) | |
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prod
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| vt.戳,刺;刺激,激励 | |
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114
velvety
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| adj. 像天鹅绒的, 轻软光滑的, 柔软的 | |
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petals
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| n.花瓣( petal的名词复数 ) | |
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116
fragrance
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| n.芬芳,香味,香气 | |
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oyster
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| n.牡蛎;沉默寡言的人 | |
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118
voracity
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| n.贪食,贪婪 | |
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119
rhythmic
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| adj.有节奏的,有韵律的 | |
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120
wheeze
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| n.喘息声,气喘声;v.喘息着说 | |
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121
devouring
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| 吞没( devour的现在分词 ); 耗尽; 津津有味地看; 狼吞虎咽地吃光 | |
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122
conjugal
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| adj.婚姻的,婚姻性的 | |
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spectral
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| adj.幽灵的,鬼魂的 | |
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124
insanity
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| n.疯狂,精神错乱;极端的愚蠢,荒唐 | |
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125
lulled
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| vt.使镇静,使安静(lull的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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126
exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的 | |
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127
slaughter
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| n.屠杀,屠宰;vt.屠杀,宰杀 | |
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128
gory
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| adj.流血的;残酷的 | |
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129
encompassing
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| v.围绕( encompass的现在分词 );包围;包含;包括 | |
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130
membrane
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| n.薄膜,膜皮,羊皮纸 | |
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131
maniacs
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| n.疯子(maniac的复数形式) | |
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132
quenched
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| 解(渴)( quench的过去式和过去分词 ); 终止(某事物); (用水)扑灭(火焰等); 将(热物体)放入水中急速冷却 | |
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133
bums
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| n. 游荡者,流浪汉,懒鬼,闹饮,屁股 adj. 没有价值的,不灵光的,不合理的 vt. 令人失望,乞讨 vi. 混日子,以乞讨为生 | |
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134
fissure
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| n.裂缝;裂伤 | |
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135
unnatural
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| adj.不自然的;反常的 | |
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136
imminence
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| n.急迫,危急 | |
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137
axis
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| n.轴,轴线,中心线;坐标轴,基准线 | |
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138
rift
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| n.裂口,隙缝,切口;v.裂开,割开,渗入 | |
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139
vault
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| n.拱形圆顶,地窖,地下室 | |
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140
petrified
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| adj.惊呆的;目瞪口呆的v.使吓呆,使惊呆;变僵硬;使石化(petrify的过去式和过去分词) | |
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141
hitched
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| (免费)搭乘他人之车( hitch的过去式和过去分词 ); 搭便车; 攀上; 跃上 | |
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142
acuity
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| n.敏锐,(疾病的)剧烈 | |
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143
agitation
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| n.搅动;搅拌;鼓动,煽动 | |
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144
crumb
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| n.饼屑,面包屑,小量 | |
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145
tablecloth
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| n.桌布,台布 | |
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146
purely
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| adv.纯粹地,完全地 | |
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147
salvation
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| n.(尤指基督)救世,超度,拯救,解困 | |
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148
personalities
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| n. 诽谤,(对某人容貌、性格等所进行的)人身攻击; 人身攻击;人格, 个性, 名人( personality的名词复数 ) | |
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149
radical
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| n.激进份子,原子团,根号;adj.根本的,激进的,彻底的 | |
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150
deceptive
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| adj.骗人的,造成假象的,靠不住的 | |
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151
feline
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| adj.猫科的 | |
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152
crouch
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| v.蹲伏,蜷缩,低头弯腰;n.蹲伏 | |
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153
pounce
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| n.猛扑;v.猛扑,突然袭击,欣然同意 | |
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154
emaciated
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| adj.衰弱的,消瘦的 | |
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155
posture
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| n.姿势,姿态,心态,态度;v.作出某种姿势 | |
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156
chameleon
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| n.变色龙,蜥蜴;善变之人 | |
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157
entirely
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| ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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158
renounced
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| v.声明放弃( renounce的过去式和过去分词 );宣布放弃;宣布与…决裂;宣布摒弃 | |
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159
faculties
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| n.能力( faculty的名词复数 );全体教职员;技巧;院 | |
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160
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的,忠实的,热心的,献身于...的 | |
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161
cultivation
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| n.耕作,培养,栽培(法),养成 | |
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162
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的 | |
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163
grimace
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| v.做鬼脸,面部歪扭 | |
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164
intonation
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| n.语调,声调;发声 | |
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165
skilfully
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| adv. (美skillfully)熟练地 | |
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166
broach
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| v.开瓶,提出(题目) | |
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167
scouts
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| 侦察员[机,舰]( scout的名词复数 ); 童子军; 搜索; 童子军成员 | |
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168
mythical
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| adj.神话的;虚构的;想像的 | |
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169
adversary
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| adj.敌手,对手 | |
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170
obliquely
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| adv.斜; 倾斜; 间接; 不光明正大 | |
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171
facets
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| n.(宝石或首饰的)小平面( facet的名词复数 );(事物的)面;方面 | |
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172
repose
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| v.(使)休息;n.安息 | |
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173
mechanism
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| n.机械装置;机构,结构 | |
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174
myriad
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| adj.无数的;n.无数,极大数量 | |
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175
poise
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| vt./vi. 平衡,保持平衡;n.泰然自若,自信 | |
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176
poised
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| a.摆好姿势不动的 | |
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177
legendary
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| adj.传奇(中)的,闻名遐迩的;n.传奇(文学) | |
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178
stunningly
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| ad.令人目瞪口呆地;惊人地 | |
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179
positively
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| adv.明确地,断然,坚决地;实在,确实 | |
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180
dread
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| vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧 | |
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181
lava
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| n.熔岩,火山岩 | |
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182
ravenously
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| adv.大嚼地,饥饿地 | |
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183
perch
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| n.栖木,高位,杆;v.栖息,就位,位于 | |
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184
conjugating
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| vt.使结合(conjugate的现在分词形式) | |
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185
thighs
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| n.股,大腿( thigh的名词复数 );食用的鸡(等的)腿 | |
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186
longing
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| n.(for)渴望 | |
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187
lascivious
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| adj.淫荡的,好色的 | |
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188
outwards
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| adj.外面的,公开的,向外的;adv.向外;n.外形 | |
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189
upwards
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| adv.向上,在更高处...以上 | |
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190
ramification
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| n.分枝,分派,衍生物 | |
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191
transparently
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| 明亮地,显然地,易觉察地 | |
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192
tangible
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| adj.有形的,可触摸的,确凿的,实际的 | |
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193
precisely
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| adv.恰好,正好,精确地,细致地 | |
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194
jealousy
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| n.妒忌,嫉妒,猜忌 | |
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195
raped
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| v.以暴力夺取,强夺( rape的过去式和过去分词 );强奸 | |
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196
desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地,绝望地,孤注一掷地 | |
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197
obsessions
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| n.使人痴迷的人(或物)( obsession的名词复数 );着魔;困扰 | |
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198
delusions
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| n.欺骗( delusion的名词复数 );谬见;错觉;妄想 | |
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199
jumbled
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| adj.混乱的;杂乱的 | |
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200
morbid
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| adj.病的;致病的;病态的;可怕的 | |
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201
smuggled
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| 水货 | |
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202
passionately
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| ad.热烈地,激烈地 | |
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203
citadel
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| n.城堡;堡垒;避难所 | |
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204
vomit
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| v.呕吐,作呕;n.呕吐物,吐出物 | |
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205
oracle
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| n.神谕,神谕处,预言 | |
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206
sunder
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| v.分开;隔离;n.分离,分开 | |
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207
devastating
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| adj.毁灭性的,令人震惊的,强有力的 | |
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208
apparatus
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| n.装置,器械;器具,设备 | |
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209
colossal
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| adj.异常的,庞大的 | |
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210
outermost
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| adj.最外面的,远离中心的 | |
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211
detour
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| n.绕行的路,迂回路;v.迂回,绕道 | |
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212
destined
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| adj.命中注定的;(for)以…为目的地的 | |
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213
condemned
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| adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词 | |
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214
engulfed
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| v.吞没,包住( engulf的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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215
onward
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| adj.向前的,前进的;adv.向前,前进,在先 | |
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216
infinity
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| n.无限,无穷,大量 | |
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217
nebula
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| n.星云,喷雾剂 | |
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218
visualize
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| vt.使看得见,使具体化,想象,设想 | |
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