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Tropic of Capricorn 28
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And if I ate the biggest meal imaginable I would still be sad, frightfully sad. I don't know where to go from here. This bridge is the end, the end of me, the end of my known world. This bridge is insanity1; there is no reason why it should stand there and no reason why people should cross it. I refuse to budge2 another step, I balk3 at crossing that crazy bridge. Nearby is a low wall which I lie against trying to think what to do and where to go. I realize quietly what a terribly civilized4 person I am - the need I have for people, conversation, books, theatre, music, cafes, drinks, and so forth5. It's terrible to be civilized, because when you come to the end of the world you have nothing to support the terror of loneliness. To be civilized is to have complicated needs. And a man, when he is full blown, shouldn't need a thing. All day I had been moving through tobacco fields, and growing more and more uneasy. What have I to do with all this tobacco? What am I heading into? People everywhere are producing crops and goods for other people - and I am like a ghost sliding between all this unintelligible6 activity. I want to find some kind of work, but I don't want to be a part of this thing, this infernal automatic process. I pass through a town and I look at the newspaper telling what is happening in that town and its environs. It seems to me that nothingis happening, that the dock has stopped but that these poor devils are unaware7 of it. I have a strong intuition, moreover, that there is murder in the air. I can smell it. A few days back I passed the imaginary line which divides the North from the South. I wasn't aware of it until a darkie came along driving a team; when he gets alongside of me he stands up in his seat and doffs8 his hat most respectfully. He had snow-white hair and a face of great dignity. That made me feel horrible: it made me realize that there are still slaves. This man had to tip his hat to me -because I was of the white race. Whereas I should have ripped my hat to him! I should have
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1
insanity
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| n.疯狂,精神错乱;极端的愚蠢,荒唐 | |
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budge
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| v.移动一点儿;改变立场 | |
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balk
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| n.大方木料;v.妨碍;不愿前进或从事某事 | |
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civilized
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| a.有教养的,文雅的 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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unintelligible
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| adj.无法了解的,难解的,莫明其妙的 | |
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unaware
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| a.不知道的,未意识到的 | |
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8
doffs
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| v.脱去,(尤指)脱帽( doff的第三人称单数 ) | |
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saluted
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| v.欢迎,致敬( salute的过去式和过去分词 );赞扬,赞颂 | |
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survivor
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| n.生存者,残存者,幸存者 | |
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vile
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| adj.卑鄙的,可耻的,邪恶的;坏透的 | |
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inflicted
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| 把…强加给,使承受,遭受( inflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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overt
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| adj.公开的,明显的,公然的 | |
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killing
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| n.巨额利润;突然赚大钱,发大财 | |
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dagger
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| n.匕首,短剑,剑号 | |
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trot
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| n.疾走,慢跑;n.老太婆;现成译本;(复数)trots:腹泻(与the 连用);v.小跑,快步走,赶紧 | |
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stammer
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| n.结巴,口吃;v.结结巴巴地说 | |
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edible
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| n.食品,食物;adj.可食用的 | |
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gulf
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| n.海湾;深渊,鸿沟;分歧,隔阂 | |
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gratis
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| adj.免费的 | |
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corpse
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| n.尸体,死尸 | |
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electrify
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| v.使充电;使电气化;使触电;使震惊;使兴奋 | |
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cosmos
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| n.宇宙;秩序,和谐 | |
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electrified
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| v.使电气化( electrify的过去式和过去分词 );使兴奋 | |
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wagon
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| n.四轮马车,手推车,面包车;无盖运货列车 | |
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logic
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| n.逻辑(学);逻辑性 | |
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bastard
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| n.坏蛋,混蛋;私生子 | |
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refreshing
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| adj.使精神振作的,使人清爽的,使人喜欢的 | |
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sundry
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| adj.各式各样的,种种的 | |
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30
bucks
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| n.雄鹿( buck的名词复数 );钱;(英国十九世纪初的)花花公子;(用于某些表达方式)责任v.(马等)猛然弓背跃起( buck的第三人称单数 );抵制;猛然震荡;马等尥起后蹄跳跃 | |
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31
hitched
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| (免费)搭乘他人之车( hitch的过去式和过去分词 ); 搭便车; 攀上; 跃上 | |
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mythical
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| adj.神话的;虚构的;想像的 | |
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providence
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| n.深谋远虑,天道,天意;远见;节约;上帝 | |
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cosy
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| adj.温暖而舒适的,安逸的 | |
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tavern
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| n.小旅馆,客栈;小酒店 | |
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clinch
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| v.敲弯,钉牢;确定;扭住对方 [参]clench | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地;表面上,似乎 | |
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ethical
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| adj.伦理的,道德的,合乎道德的 | |
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miller
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| n.磨坊主 | |
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croak
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| vi.嘎嘎叫,发牢骚 | |
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affixed
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| adj.[医]附着的,附着的v.附加( affix的过去式和过去分词 );粘贴;加以;盖(印章) | |
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protract
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| v.延长,拖长 | |
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hustle
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| v.推搡;竭力兜售或获取;催促;n.奔忙(碌) | |
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advertising
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| n.广告业;广告活动 a.广告的;广告业务的 | |
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inoculated
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| v.给…做预防注射( inoculate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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compendium
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| n.简要,概略 | |
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thawed
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| 解冻 | |
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creditors
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| n.债权人,债主( creditor的名词复数 ) | |
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penal
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| adj.刑罚的;刑法上的 | |
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stipulated
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| vt.& vi.规定;约定adj.[法]合同规定的 | |
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sarcastic
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| adj.讥讽的,讽刺的,嘲弄的 | |
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frantically
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| ad.发狂地, 发疯地 | |
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benefactor
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| n. 恩人,行善的人,捐助人 | |
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standing
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| n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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justified
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| a.正当的,有理的 | |
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baker
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| n.面包师 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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buffoon
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| n.演出时的丑角 | |
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