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I DIDN’T GET VERY FAR BEFORE DRIVING BECAME IMPOSsible.
When I couldn’t see anymore, I let my tires find the rough shoulder and rolled slowly to a stop. I slumpedover on the seat and allowed the weakness I’d fought in Jacob’s room crush me. It was worse that I’d thought— the force of it took me by surprise. Yes, I had been right to hide this from Jacob. No one should ever seethis.
But I wasn’t alone for very long — just exactly long enough for Alice to see me here, and then the fewminutes it took him to arrive. The door creaked open, and he pulled me into his arms.
At first it was worse. Because there was that smaller part of me — smaller, but getting louder and angrierevery minute, screaming at the rest of me — that craved1 a different set of arms. So then there was fresh guiltto season the pain.
He didn’t say anything, he just let me sob2 until I began to blubber out Charlie’s name.
“Are you really ready to go home?” he asked doubtfully.
I managed to convey, after several attempts, that it wasn’t going to get any better anytime soon. I neededto get past Charlie before it got late enough for him to call Billy.
So he drove me home — for once not even getting close to my truck’s internal speed limit — keeping onearm wrapped tightly around me. The whole way, I fought for control. It seemed to be a doomed3 effort at first,but I didn’t give up. Just a few seconds, I told myself. Just time for a few excuses, or a few lies, and then Icould break down again. I had to be able to do that much. I scrambled4 around in my head, searchingdesperately for a reserve of strength.
There was just enough for me to quiet the sobs5 — hold them back but not end them. The tears didn’tslow. I couldn’t seem to find any handle to even begin to work with those.
“Wait for me upstairs,” I mumbled6 when we were in front of the house.
He hugged me closer for one minute, and then he was gone.
Once inside, I headed straight for the stairs.
“Bella?” Charlie called after me from his usual place on the sofa as I walked by.

1
craved
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渴望,热望( crave的过去式 ); 恳求,请求 | |
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2
sob
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n.空间轨道的轰炸机;呜咽,哭泣 | |
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3
doomed
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命定的 | |
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4
scrambled
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v.快速爬行( scramble的过去式和过去分词 );攀登;争夺;(军事飞机)紧急起飞 | |
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sobs
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啜泣(声),呜咽(声)( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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mumbled
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含糊地说某事,叽咕,咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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bugged
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vt.在…装窃听器(bug的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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bug
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n.虫子;故障;窃听器;vt.纠缠;装窃听器 | |
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physically
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adj.物质上,体格上,身体上,按自然规律 | |
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10
disapproval
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n.反对,不赞成 | |
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underneath
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adj.在...下面,在...底下;adv.在下面 | |
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12
escalate
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v.(使)逐步增长(或发展),(使)逐步升级 | |
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13
bracelet
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n.手镯,臂镯 | |
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undo
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vt.解开,松开;取消,撤销 | |
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relentlessly
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adv.不屈不挠地;残酷地;不间断 | |
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unbearably
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adv.不能忍受地,无法容忍地;慌 | |
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exhausted
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adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的 | |
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ted
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vt.翻晒,撒,撒开 | |
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numbing
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adj.使麻木的,使失去感觉的v.使麻木,使麻痹( numb的现在分词 ) | |
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hoarse
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adj.嘶哑的,沙哑的 | |
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tightened
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收紧( tighten的过去式和过去分词 ); (使)变紧; (使)绷紧; 加紧 | |
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creased
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(使…)起折痕,弄皱( crease的过去式和过去分词 ); (皮肤)皱起,使起皱纹; 皱皱巴巴 | |
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dubious
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adj.怀疑的,无把握的;有问题的,靠不住的 | |
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eyebrows
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眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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flipped
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轻弹( flip的过去式和过去分词 ); 按(开关); 快速翻转; 急挥 | |
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annihilated
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v.(彻底)消灭( annihilate的过去式和过去分词 );使无效;废止;彻底击溃 | |
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mighty
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adj.强有力的;巨大的 | |
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miserable
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adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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defensive
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adj.防御的;防卫的;防守的 | |
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groaned
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v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 );发牢骚;抱怨;受苦 | |
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wary
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adj.谨慎的,机警的,小心的 | |
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tranquil
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adj. 安静的, 宁静的, 稳定的, 不变的 | |
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reassure
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v.使放心,使消除疑虑 | |
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sweeping
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adj.范围广大的,一扫无遗的 | |
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hanger
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n.吊架,吊轴承;挂钩 | |
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appraised
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v.估价( appraise的过去式和过去分词 );估计;估量;评价 | |
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spoke
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n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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wince
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n.畏缩,退避,(因痛苦,苦恼等)面部肌肉抽动;v.畏缩,退缩,退避 | |
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spiky
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adj.长而尖的,大钉似的 | |
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psychic
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n.对超自然力敏感的人;adj.有超自然力的 | |
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casually
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adv.漠不关心地,无动于衷地,不负责任地 | |
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technically
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adv.专门地,技术上地 | |
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serene
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adj. 安详的,宁静的,平静的 | |
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reign
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n.统治时期,统治,支配,盛行;v.占优势 | |
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aisle
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n.(教堂、教室、戏院等里的)过道,通道 | |
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grimaced
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v.扮鬼相,做鬼脸( grimace的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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abruptly
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adv.突然地,出其不意地 | |
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gasped
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v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 );喘息;倒抽气;很想要 | |
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strings
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n.弦 | |
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50
idiotic
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adj.白痴的 | |
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51
obstinacy
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n.顽固;(病痛等)难治 | |
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gritted
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v.以沙砾覆盖(某物),撒沙砾于( grit的过去式和过去分词 );咬紧牙关 | |
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53
exulted
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狂喜,欢跃( exult的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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54
labored
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adj.吃力的,谨慎的v.努力争取(for)( labor的过去式和过去分词 );苦干;详细分析;(指引擎)缓慢而困难地运转 | |
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labor
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n.劳动,努力,工作,劳工;分娩;vi.劳动,努力,苦干;vt.详细分析;麻烦 | |
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56
veins
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n.纹理;矿脉( vein的名词复数 );静脉;叶脉;纹理 | |
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57
smoldered
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v.用文火焖烧,熏烧,慢燃( smolder的过去式 ) | |
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58
disapproving
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adj.不满的,反对的v.不赞成( disapprove的现在分词 ) | |
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59
immortal
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adj.不朽的;永生的,不死的;神的 | |
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60
budge
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v.移动一点儿;改变立场 | |
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61
scattered
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adj.分散的,稀疏的;散步的;疏疏落落的 | |
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glowered
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v.怒视( glower的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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63
beads
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n.(空心)小珠子( bead的名词复数 );水珠;珠子项链 | |
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grumbled
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抱怨( grumble的过去式和过去分词 ); 发牢骚; 咕哝; 发哼声 | |
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65
eternity
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n.不朽,来世;永恒,无穷 | |
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66
clenched
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v.紧握,抓紧,咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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67
haze
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n.霾,烟雾;懵懂,迷糊;vi.(over)变模糊 | |
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spine
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n.脊柱,脊椎;(动植物的)刺;书脊 | |
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69
pointed
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adj.尖的,直截了当的 | |
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70
sprawl
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vi.躺卧,扩张,蔓延;vt.使蔓延;n.躺卧,蔓延 | |
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71
scowl
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vi.(at)生气地皱眉,沉下脸,怒视;n.怒容 | |
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72
growled
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v.(动物)发狺狺声, (雷)作隆隆声( growl的过去式和过去分词 );低声咆哮着说 | |
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73
sneering
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嘲笑的,轻蔑的 | |
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74
tremors
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震颤( tremor的名词复数 ); 战栗; 震颤声; 大地的轻微震动 | |
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75
gender
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n.(生理上的)性,(名词、代词等的)性 | |
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spasm
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n.痉挛,抽搐;一阵发作 | |
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standing
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n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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scent
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n.气味,香味,香水,线索,嗅觉;v.嗅,发觉 | |
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nostrils
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鼻孔( nostril的名词复数 ) | |
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80
swells
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增强( swell的第三人称单数 ); 肿胀; (使)凸出; 充满(激情) | |
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81
retarded
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a.智力迟钝的,智力发育迟缓的 | |
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82
sling
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vt.扔;悬挂;n.挂带;吊索,吊兜;弹弓 | |
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83
crutches
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n.拐杖, 支柱 v.支撑 | |
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84
props
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小道具; 支柱( prop的名词复数 ); 支持者; 道具; (橄榄球中的)支柱前锋 | |
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85
overdid
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v.做得过分( overdo的过去式 );太夸张;把…煮得太久;(工作等)过度 | |
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86
rambling
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adj.[建]凌乱的,杂乱的 | |
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87
grizzlies
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北美洲灰熊( grizzly的名词复数 ) | |
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88
chuckled
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轻声地笑( chuckle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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briefly
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adv.简单地,简短地 | |
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90
psychology
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n.心理,心理学,心理状态 | |
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91
crumbs
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int. (表示惊讶)哎呀 n. 碎屑 名词crumb的复数形式 | |
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92
blurred
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v.(使)变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 );(使)难以区分;模模糊糊;迷离 | |
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93
racing
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n.竞赛,赛马;adj.竞赛用的,赛马用的 | |
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94
snarled
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v.(指狗)吠,嗥叫, (人)咆哮( snarl的过去式和过去分词 );咆哮着说,厉声地说 | |
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95
awareness
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n.意识,觉悟,懂事,明智 | |
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96
rustle
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v.沙沙作响;偷盗(牛、马等);n.沙沙声声 | |
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remiss
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adj.不小心的,马虎 | |
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98
sanity
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n.心智健全,神智正常,判断正确 | |
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99
wholesomeness
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卫生性 | |
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100
finesse
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n.精密技巧,灵巧,手腕 | |
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101
helping
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n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的,辅助的 | |
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102
twilight
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n.暮光,黄昏;暮年,晚期,衰落时期 | |
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103
meticulous
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adj.极其仔细的,一丝不苟的 | |
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104
accomplice
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n.从犯,帮凶,同谋 | |
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105
whining
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n. 抱怨,牢骚 v. 哭诉,发牢骚 | |
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106
lexicon
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n.字典,专门词汇 | |
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107
transcends
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超出或超越(经验、信念、描写能力等)的范围( transcend的第三人称单数 ); 优于或胜过… | |
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108
kudos
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n.荣誉,名声 | |
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109
nexus
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n.联系;关系 | |
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110
invaluable
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adj.无价的,非常宝贵的,极为贵重的 | |
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111
muse
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n.缪斯(希腊神话中的女神),创作灵感 | |
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112
placebo
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n.安慰剂;宽慰话 | |
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113
gargantuan
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adj.巨大的,庞大的 | |
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114
dedicated
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adj.一心一意的;献身的;热诚的 | |
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