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Chapter the Forty-Third
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Lucilla’s Journal, continued
September 1st.
I AM composed enough to return to my Journal, and to let my mind dwell a little on all that I have thought and felt since Oscar has been here.
Now that I have lost Madame Pratolungo, I have no friend with whom I can talk over my little secrets. My aunt is all that is kind and good to me; but with a person so much older than I am — who has lived in such a different world from my world, and whose ideas seem to be so far away from mine — how can I talk about my follies1 and extravagances, and expect sympathy in return! My one confidential2 friend is my Journal — I can only talk about myself to myself, in these pages. My position feels sometimes like a very lonely one. I saw two girls telling all their secrets to each other on the sands to-day — and I am afraid I envied them.
Well, my dear Journal, how did I feel — after longing3 for Oscar — when Oscar came to me? It is dreadful to own it; but my book locks up, and my book can be trusted with the truth. I felt ready to cry — I was so unexpectedly, so horribly, disappointed.
No. “Disappointed” is not the word. I can’t find the word. There was a moment — I hardly dare write it: it seems so atrociously wicked — there was a moment when I actually wished myself blind again.
He took me in his arms; he held my hand in his. In the time when I was blind, how I should have felt it! how the delicious tingle5 would have run through me when he touched me! Nothing of the kind happened now. He might have been Oscar’s brother for all the effect he produced on me. I have myself taken his hand since, and shut my eyes to try and renew my blindness, and put myself back completely as I was in the old time. The same result still. Nothing, nothing, nothing!
Is it that he is a little restrained with me on his side? He certainly is! I felt it the moment he came into the room — I have felt it ever since.
No: it is not that. In the old time, when we were only beginning to love each other, he was restrained with me. But it made no difference then. I was not the insensible creature in those days that I have become since.
I can only account for it in one way. The restoration of my sight has made a new creature of me. I have gained a sense — I am no longer the same woman. This great change must have had some influence over me that I never suspected until Oscar came here. Can the loss of my sense of feeling be the price that I have paid for the recovery of my sense of sight?
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1
follies
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罪恶,时事讽刺剧; 愚蠢,蠢笨,愚蠢的行为、思想或做法( folly的名词复数 ) | |
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2
confidential
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adj.秘(机)密的,表示信任的,担任机密工作的 | |
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3
longing
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n.(for)渴望 | |
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pointed
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adj.尖的,直截了当的 | |
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tingle
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vi.感到刺痛,感到激动;n.刺痛,激动 | |
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finch
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n.雀科鸣禽(如燕雀,金丝雀等) | |
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imprisonment
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n.关押,监禁,坐牢 | |
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distressingly
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adv. 令人苦恼地;悲惨地 | |
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daunted
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使(某人)气馁,威吓( daunt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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entreaty
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n.恳求,哀求 | |
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distressed
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痛苦的 | |
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unwilling
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adj.不情愿的 | |
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spoke
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n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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prospect
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n.前景,前途;景色,视野 | |
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astonishment
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n.惊奇,惊异 | |
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intrude
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vi.闯入;侵入;打扰,侵扰 | |
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contrives
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(不顾困难地)促成某事( contrive的第三人称单数 ); 巧妙地策划,精巧地制造(如机器); 设法做到 | |
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ascertain
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vt.发现,确定,查明,弄清 | |
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unanimity
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n.全体一致,一致同意 | |
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entirely
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ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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conspiracy
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n.阴谋,密谋,共谋 | |
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literally
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adv.照字面意义,逐字地;确实 | |
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recording
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n.录音,记录 | |
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affected
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adj.不自然的,假装的 | |
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sitting-room
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n.(BrE)客厅,起居室 | |
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helping
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n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的,辅助的 | |
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promontory
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n.海角;岬 | |
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pier
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n.码头;桥墩,桥柱;[建]窗间壁,支柱 | |
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toil
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vi.辛劳工作,艰难地行动;n.苦工,难事 | |
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vexes
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v.使烦恼( vex的第三人称单数 );使苦恼;使生气;详细讨论 | |
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vexed
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adj.争论不休的;(指问题等)棘手的;争论不休的问题;烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 );使苦恼;使生气;详细讨论 | |
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32
melancholy
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n.忧郁,愁思;adj.令人感伤(沮丧)的,忧郁的 | |
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miserable
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adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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contradictory
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adj.反驳的,反对的,抗辩的;n.正反对,矛盾对立 | |
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accustom
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vt.使适应,使习惯 | |
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postscript
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n.附言,又及;(正文后的)补充说明 | |
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worthy
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adj.(of)值得的,配得上的;有价值的 | |
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narrative
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n.叙述,故事;adj.叙事的,故事体的 | |
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absolves
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宣告…无罪,赦免…的罪行,宽恕…的罪行( absolve的第三人称单数 ); 不受责难,免除责任 [义务] ,开脱(罪责) | |
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redeemed
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adj. 可赎回的,可救赎的 动词redeem的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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remains
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n.剩余物,残留物;遗体,遗迹 | |
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peculiar
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adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的 | |
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peculiarity
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n.独特性,特色;特殊的东西;怪癖 | |
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complexion
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n.肤色;情况,局面;气质,性格 | |
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deception
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n.欺骗,欺诈;骗局,诡计 | |
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dispense
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vt.分配,分发;配(药),发(药);实施 | |
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curt
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adj.简短的,草率的 | |
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exasperate
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v.激怒,使(疾病)加剧,使恶化 | |
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inflicted
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把…强加给,使承受,遭受( inflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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entreated
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恳求,乞求( entreat的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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51
defer
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vt.推迟,拖延;vi.(to)遵从,听从,服从 | |
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inquiry
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n.打听,询问,调查,查问 | |
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motives
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n.动机,目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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climax
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n.顶点;高潮;v.(使)达到顶点 | |
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peril
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n.(严重的)危险;危险的事物 | |
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sufficiently
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adv.足够地,充分地 | |
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abruptly
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adv.突然地,出其不意地 | |
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briny
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adj.盐水的;很咸的;n.海洋 | |
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animated
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adj.生气勃勃的,活跃的,愉快的 | |
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stilts
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n.(支撑建筑物高出地面或水面的)桩子,支柱( stilt的名词复数 );高跷 | |
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varied
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adj.多样的,多变化的 | |
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bustling
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adj.喧闹的 | |
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enjoyment
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n.乐趣;享有;享用 | |
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delightful
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adj.令人高兴的,使人快乐的 | |
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hospitably
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亲切地,招待周到地,善于款待地 | |
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herd
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n.兽群,牧群;vt.使集中,把…赶在一起 | |
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snobs
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(谄上傲下的)势利小人( snob的名词复数 ); 自高自大者,自命不凡者 | |
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intercept
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vt.拦截,截住,截击 | |
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promenade
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n./v.散步 | |
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attentively
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adv.聚精会神地;周到地;谛;凝神 | |
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retired
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adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的 | |
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landlady
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n.女房东,女地主 | |
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lodge
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v.临时住宿,寄宿,寄存,容纳;n.传达室,小旅馆 | |
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awakened
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v.(使)醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 );(使)觉醒;弄醒;(使)意识到 | |
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muffled
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adj.(声音)被隔的;听不太清的;(衣服)裹严的;蒙住的v.压抑,捂住( muffle的过去式和过去分词 );用厚厚的衣帽包着(自己) | |
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unnatural
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adj.不自然的;反常的 | |
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jealousy
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n.妒忌,嫉妒,猜忌 | |
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wretch
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n.可怜的人,不幸的人;卑鄙的人 | |
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remorse
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n.痛恨,悔恨,自责 | |
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infamous
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adj.声名狼藉的,臭名昭著的,邪恶的 | |
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intercourse
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n.性交;交流,交往,交际 | |
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speculation
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n.思索,沉思;猜测;投机 | |
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conceal
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v.隐藏,隐瞒,隐蔽 | |
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84
subdued
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adj. 屈服的,柔和的,减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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depressed
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adj.沮丧的,抑郁的,不景气的,萧条的 | |
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judgment
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n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
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consolation
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n.安慰,慰问 | |
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withheld
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withhold过去式及过去分词 | |
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luncheon
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n.午宴,午餐,便宴 | |
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adviser
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n.劝告者,顾问 | |
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obstinately
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ad.固执地,顽固地 | |
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entreaties
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n.恳求,乞求( entreaty的名词复数 ) | |
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determined
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adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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temperate
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adj.温和的,温带的,自我克制的,不过分的 | |
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fathoms
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英寻( fathom的名词复数 ) | |
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