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CHAPTER 21. The History of a Self-Tormentor
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I have the misfortune of not being a fool. From a very early age I have detected what those about me thought they hid from me. If I could have been habitually1 imposed upon, instead of habitually discerning the truth, I might have lived as smoothly2 as most fools do.
My childhood was passed with a grandmother; that is to say, with a lady who represented that relative to me, and who took that title on herself. She had no claim to it, but I—being to that extent a little fool—had no suspicion of her. She had some children of her own family in her house, and some children of other people. All girls; ten in number, including me. We all lived together and were educated together.
I must have been about twelve years old when I began to see how determinedly4 those girls patronised me. I was told I was an orphan5. There was no other orphan among us; and I perceived (here was the first disadvantage of not being a fool) that they conciliated me in an insolent6 pity, and in a sense of superiority. I did not set this down as a discovery, rashly. I tried them often. I could hardly make them quarrel with me. When I succeeded with any of them, they were sure to come after an hour or two, and begin a reconciliation7. I tried them over and over again, and I never knew them wait for me to begin. They were always forgiving me, in their vanity and condescension8. Little images of grown people!
One of them was my chosen friend. I loved that stupid mite9 in a passionate10 way that she could no more deserve than I can remember without feeling ashamed of, though I was but a child. She had what they called an
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1 habitually | |
ad.习惯地,通常地 | |
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2 smoothly | |
adv.平滑地,顺利地,流利地,流畅地 | |
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3 determined | |
adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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4 determinedly | |
adv.决意地;坚决地,坚定地 | |
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5 orphan | |
n.孤儿;adj.无父母的 | |
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6 insolent | |
adj.傲慢的,无理的 | |
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7 reconciliation | |
n.和解,和谐,一致 | |
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8 condescension | |
n.自以为高人一等,贬低(别人) | |
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9 mite | |
n.极小的东西;小铜币 | |
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10 passionate | |
adj.热情的,热烈的,激昂的,易动情的,易怒的,性情暴躁的 | |
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11 amiable | |
adj.和蔼可亲的,友善的,亲切的 | |
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12 gall | |
v.使烦恼,使焦躁,难堪;n.磨难 | |
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13 perfidy | |
n.背信弃义,不忠贞 | |
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14 fully | |
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
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15 tormented | |
饱受折磨的 | |
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16 jealousy | |
n.妒忌,嫉妒,猜忌 | |
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17 plunge | |
v.跳入,(使)投入,(使)陷入;猛冲 | |
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18 compassionately | |
adv.表示怜悯地,有同情心地 | |
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19 wade | |
v.跋涉,涉水;n.跋涉 | |
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20 devoted | |
adj.忠诚的,忠实的,热心的,献身于...的 | |
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21 devotedly | |
专心地; 恩爱地; 忠实地; 一心一意地 | |
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22 memorable | |
adj.值得回忆的,难忘的,特别的,显著的 | |
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23 sobbing | |
<主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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24 infamous | |
adj.声名狼藉的,臭名昭著的,邪恶的 | |
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25 pretence | |
n.假装,作假;借口,口实;虚伪;虚饰 | |
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26 miserable | |
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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27 distress | |
n.苦恼,痛苦,不舒适;不幸;vt.使悲痛 | |
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28 justifies | |
证明…有理( justify的第三人称单数 ); 为…辩护; 对…作出解释; 为…辩解(或辩护) | |
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29 concealment | |
n.隐藏, 掩盖,隐瞒 | |
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30 pretences | |
n.假装( pretence的名词复数 );作假;自命;自称 | |
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31 penetrated | |
adj. 击穿的,鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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32 delicacy | |
n.精致,细微,微妙,精良;美味,佳肴 | |
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33 resentment | |
n.怨愤,忿恨 | |
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34 patronage | |
n.赞助,支援,援助;光顾,捧场 | |
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35 obtrusive | |
adj.显眼的;冒失的 | |
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36 pretext | |
n.借口,托词 | |
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37 crafty | |
adj.狡猾的,诡诈的 | |
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38 subtleties | |
细微( subtlety的名词复数 ); 精细; 巧妙; 细微的差别等 | |
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39 coax | |
v.哄诱,劝诱,用诱哄得到,诱取 | |
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40 plunged | |
v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 );暴跌;骤降;突降 | |
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41 despondent | |
adj.失望的,沮丧的,泄气的 | |
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42 concealed | |
a.隐藏的,隐蔽的 | |
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43 justified | |
a.正当的,有理的 | |
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44 obliterate | |
v.擦去,涂抹,去掉...痕迹,消失,除去 | |
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45 awakened | |
v.(使)醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 );(使)觉醒;弄醒;(使)意识到 | |
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46 accounting | |
n.会计,会计学,借贷对照表 | |
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47 apprehensive | |
adj.担心的,恐惧的,善于领会的 | |
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48 prey | |
n.被掠食者,牺牲者,掠食;v.捕食,掠夺,折磨 | |
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49 entreat | |
v.恳求,恳请 | |
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50 formerly | |
adv.从前,以前 | |
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51 goad | |
n.刺棒,刺痛物;激励;vt.激励,刺激 | |
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52 resolute | |
adj.坚决的,果敢的 | |
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53 repulsing | |
v.击退( repulse的现在分词 );驳斥;拒绝 | |
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54 condescend | |
v.俯就,屈尊;堕落,丢丑 | |
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55 admiration | |
n.钦佩,赞美,羡慕 | |
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56 justify | |
vt.证明…正当(或有理),为…辩护 | |
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57 appraised | |
v.估价( appraise的过去式和过去分词 );估计;估量;评价 | |
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58 ascertain | |
vt.发现,确定,查明,弄清 | |
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59 bespeak | |
v.预定;预先请求 | |
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60 propitiate | |
v.慰解,劝解 | |
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61 attachment | |
n.附属物,附件;依恋;依附 | |
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62 conversed | |
v.交谈,谈话( converse的过去式 ) | |
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63 rankled | |
v.(使)痛苦不已,(使)怨恨不已( rankle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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64 deliberately | |
adv.审慎地;蓄意地;故意地 | |
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65 wilfully | |
adv.任性固执地;蓄意地 | |
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66 expatiate | |
v.细说,详述 | |
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67 advancement | |
n.前进,促进,提升 | |
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68 barefaced | |
adj.厚颜无耻的,公然的 | |
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69 annoyance | |
n.恼怒,生气,烦恼 | |
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70 humility | |
n.谦逊,谦恭 | |
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71 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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72 incensed | |
盛怒的 | |
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73 ingratitude | |
n.忘恩负义 | |
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74 distresses | |
n.悲痛( distress的名词复数 );痛苦;贫困;危险 | |
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75 prospects | |
n.希望,前途(恒为复数) | |
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76 contemptible | |
adj.可鄙的,可轻视的,卑劣的 | |
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77 condoled | |
v.表示同情,吊唁( condole的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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78 soothed | |
v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 );抚慰;使舒服;减轻痛苦 | |
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79 misgiving | |
n.疑虑,担忧,害怕 | |
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80 alluding | |
提及,暗指( allude的现在分词 ) | |
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81 distinguished | |
adj.卓越的,杰出的,著名的 | |
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82 commiseration | |
n.怜悯,同情 | |
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83 withheld | |
withhold过去式及过去分词 | |
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84 degradation | |
n.降级;低落;退化;陵削;降解;衰变 | |
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85 droll | |
adj.古怪的,好笑的 | |
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86 severance | |
n.离职金;切断 | |
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87 deplored | |
v.悲叹,痛惜,强烈反对( deplore的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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88 inclinations | |
倾向( inclination的名词复数 ); 倾斜; 爱好; 斜坡 | |
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89 bestowed | |
赠给,授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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90 likeness | |
n.相像,相似(之处) | |
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91 swollen | |
adj.肿大的,水涨的;v.使变大,肿胀 | |
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92 benevolence | |
n.慈悲,捐助 | |
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93 bondage | |
n.奴役,束缚 | |
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94 injustice | |
n.非正义,不公正,不公平,侵犯(别人的)权利 | |
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