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CHAPTER 21. The History of a Self-Tormentor
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I have the misfortune of not being a fool. From a very early age I have detected what those about me thought they hid from me. If I could have been habitually1 imposed upon, instead of habitually discerning the truth, I might have lived as smoothly2 as most fools do.
My childhood was passed with a grandmother; that is to say, with a lady who represented that relative to me, and who took that title on herself. She had no claim to it, but I—being to that extent a little fool—had no suspicion of her. She had some children of her own family in her house, and some children of other people. All girls; ten in number, including me. We all lived together and were educated together.
I must have been about twelve years old when I began to see how determinedly4 those girls patronised me. I was told I was an orphan5. There was no other orphan among us; and I perceived (here was the first disadvantage of not being a fool) that they conciliated me in an insolent6 pity, and in a sense of superiority. I did not set this down as a discovery, rashly. I tried them often. I could hardly make them quarrel with me. When I succeeded with any of them, they were sure to come after an hour or two, and begin a reconciliation7. I tried them over and over again, and I never knew them wait for me to begin. They were always forgiving me, in their vanity and condescension8. Little images of grown people!
One of them was my chosen friend. I loved that stupid mite9 in a passionate10 way that she could no more deserve than I can remember without feeling ashamed of, though I was but a child. She had what they called an
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habitually
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ad.习惯地,通常地 | |
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smoothly
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adv.平滑地,顺利地,流利地,流畅地 | |
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determined
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adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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determinedly
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adv.决意地;坚决地,坚定地 | |
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orphan
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n.孤儿;adj.无父母的 | |
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insolent
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adj.傲慢的,无理的 | |
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reconciliation
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n.和解,和谐,一致 | |
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condescension
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n.自以为高人一等,贬低(别人) | |
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mite
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n.极小的东西;小铜币 | |
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passionate
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adj.热情的,热烈的,激昂的,易动情的,易怒的,性情暴躁的 | |
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amiable
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adj.和蔼可亲的,友善的,亲切的 | |
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gall
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v.使烦恼,使焦躁,难堪;n.磨难 | |
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perfidy
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n.背信弃义,不忠贞 | |
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fully
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adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
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tormented
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饱受折磨的 | |
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jealousy
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n.妒忌,嫉妒,猜忌 | |
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plunge
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v.跳入,(使)投入,(使)陷入;猛冲 | |
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compassionately
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adv.表示怜悯地,有同情心地 | |
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wade
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v.跋涉,涉水;n.跋涉 | |
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devoted
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adj.忠诚的,忠实的,热心的,献身于...的 | |
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devotedly
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专心地; 恩爱地; 忠实地; 一心一意地 | |
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memorable
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adj.值得回忆的,难忘的,特别的,显著的 | |
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sobbing
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<主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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infamous
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adj.声名狼藉的,臭名昭著的,邪恶的 | |
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pretence
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n.假装,作假;借口,口实;虚伪;虚饰 | |
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miserable
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adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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distress
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n.苦恼,痛苦,不舒适;不幸;vt.使悲痛 | |
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justifies
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证明…有理( justify的第三人称单数 ); 为…辩护; 对…作出解释; 为…辩解(或辩护) | |
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concealment
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n.隐藏, 掩盖,隐瞒 | |
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pretences
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n.假装( pretence的名词复数 );作假;自命;自称 | |
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penetrated
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adj. 击穿的,鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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delicacy
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n.精致,细微,微妙,精良;美味,佳肴 | |
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resentment
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n.怨愤,忿恨 | |
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patronage
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n.赞助,支援,援助;光顾,捧场 | |
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obtrusive
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adj.显眼的;冒失的 | |
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pretext
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n.借口,托词 | |
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crafty
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adj.狡猾的,诡诈的 | |
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subtleties
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细微( subtlety的名词复数 ); 精细; 巧妙; 细微的差别等 | |
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coax
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v.哄诱,劝诱,用诱哄得到,诱取 | |
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plunged
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v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 );暴跌;骤降;突降 | |
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despondent
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adj.失望的,沮丧的,泄气的 | |
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concealed
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a.隐藏的,隐蔽的 | |
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justified
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a.正当的,有理的 | |
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obliterate
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v.擦去,涂抹,去掉...痕迹,消失,除去 | |
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awakened
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v.(使)醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 );(使)觉醒;弄醒;(使)意识到 | |
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accounting
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n.会计,会计学,借贷对照表 | |
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apprehensive
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adj.担心的,恐惧的,善于领会的 | |
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prey
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n.被掠食者,牺牲者,掠食;v.捕食,掠夺,折磨 | |
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entreat
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v.恳求,恳请 | |
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formerly
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adv.从前,以前 | |
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goad
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n.刺棒,刺痛物;激励;vt.激励,刺激 | |
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resolute
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adj.坚决的,果敢的 | |
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repulsing
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v.击退( repulse的现在分词 );驳斥;拒绝 | |
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condescend
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v.俯就,屈尊;堕落,丢丑 | |
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admiration
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n.钦佩,赞美,羡慕 | |
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justify
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vt.证明…正当(或有理),为…辩护 | |
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appraised
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v.估价( appraise的过去式和过去分词 );估计;估量;评价 | |
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ascertain
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vt.发现,确定,查明,弄清 | |
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bespeak
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v.预定;预先请求 | |
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propitiate
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v.慰解,劝解 | |
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attachment
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n.附属物,附件;依恋;依附 | |
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conversed
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v.交谈,谈话( converse的过去式 ) | |
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rankled
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v.(使)痛苦不已,(使)怨恨不已( rankle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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deliberately
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adv.审慎地;蓄意地;故意地 | |
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wilfully
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adv.任性固执地;蓄意地 | |
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expatiate
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v.细说,详述 | |
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advancement
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n.前进,促进,提升 | |
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barefaced
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adj.厚颜无耻的,公然的 | |
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annoyance
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n.恼怒,生气,烦恼 | |
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humility
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n.谦逊,谦恭 | |
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mere
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adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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incensed
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盛怒的 | |
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ingratitude
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n.忘恩负义 | |
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distresses
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n.悲痛( distress的名词复数 );痛苦;贫困;危险 | |
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prospects
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n.希望,前途(恒为复数) | |
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contemptible
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adj.可鄙的,可轻视的,卑劣的 | |
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condoled
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v.表示同情,吊唁( condole的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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soothed
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v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 );抚慰;使舒服;减轻痛苦 | |
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misgiving
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n.疑虑,担忧,害怕 | |
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alluding
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提及,暗指( allude的现在分词 ) | |
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distinguished
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adj.卓越的,杰出的,著名的 | |
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commiseration
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n.怜悯,同情 | |
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withheld
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withhold过去式及过去分词 | |
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degradation
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n.降级;低落;退化;陵削;降解;衰变 | |
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droll
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adj.古怪的,好笑的 | |
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severance
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n.离职金;切断 | |
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deplored
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v.悲叹,痛惜,强烈反对( deplore的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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inclinations
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倾向( inclination的名词复数 ); 倾斜; 爱好; 斜坡 | |
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bestowed
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赠给,授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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likeness
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n.相像,相似(之处) | |
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swollen
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adj.肿大的,水涨的;v.使变大,肿胀 | |
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benevolence
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n.慈悲,捐助 | |
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bondage
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n.奴役,束缚 | |
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injustice
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n.非正义,不公正,不公平,侵犯(别人的)权利 | |
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