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Part 1 Chapter 8

When will I learn enough about relationships to be able to have them go smoothly? Is there a way to be happy in relation-ships? Must they be constantly challenging?

 

You have nothing to learn about relationships. You have only to demonstrate what you already know.

There is a way to be happy in relationships, and that is to use relationships for their intended purpose, not the purpose you have designed.

Relationships are constantly challenging; constantly calling you to create, express, and experience higher and higher aspects of yourself, grander and grander visions of yourself, ever more magnificent versions of yourself. Nowhere can you do this more immediately, impactfully, and immaculately than in relationships. In fact, without relationships, you cannot do it at all.

It is only through your relationship with other peo-ple, places, and events that you can even exist (as a knowable quantity, as an identifiable something) in the universe. Remember, absent everything else, you are not. You only are what you are relative to another thing that is not. That is how it is in the world of the relative, as opposed to the world of the absolute—where I reside.

Once you clearly understand this, once you deeply grasp it, then you intuitively bless each and every experience, all human encounter, and especially per-sonal human relationships, for you see them as con-structive, in the highest sense. You see that they can be used, must be used, are being used (whether you want them to be or not) to construct Who You Really Are.

 

That construction can be a magnificent creation of your own conscious design, or a strictly happenstance configuration. You can choose to be a person who has resulted simply from what has happened, or from what you’ve chosen to be and do about what has happened. It is in the latter form that creation of Self becomes conscious. It is in the second experience that Self becomes realized.

Bless, therefore, every relationship, and hold each as special and formative of Who You Are—and now choose to be.

Now your inquiry has to do with individual human relationships of the romantic sort, and I understand that. So let Me address Myself specifically, and at length, to human love relationships—these things which continue to give you such trouble!

When human love relationships fail (relationships never truly fail, except in the strictly human sense that they did not produce what you want), they fail because they were entered into for the wrong reason.

 

(“Wrong,” of course, is a relative term, meaning something measured against that which is “right”

—whatever that is! It would be more accurate in your language to say “relationships fail—change—most often when they are entered into for reasons not wholly beneficial or conducive to their survival.”)

Most people enter into relationships with an eye toward what they can get out of them, rather than what they can put into them.

The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you’d like to see “show up,” not what part of another you can capture and hold.

There can be only one purpose for relation-ships—and for all of life: to be and to decide Who You Really Are.

It is very romantic to say that you were “nothing” until that special other came along, but it is not true. Worse, it puts an incredible pressure on the other to be all sorts of things he or she is not.

 

Not wanting to “let you down,” they try very hard to be and do these things until they cannot anymore. They can no longer complete your picture of them. They can no longer fill the roles to which they have been assigned. Resentment builds. Anger follows.

Finally, in order to save themselves (and the rela-tionship), these special others begin to reclaim their real selves, acting more in accordance with Who They Really Are. It is about this time that you say they’ve “really changed.”

 

It is very romantic to say that now that your special other has entered your life, you feel complete. Yet the purpose of relationship is not to have another who might complete you; but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.

Here is the paradox of all human relationships: You have no need for a particular other in order for you to experience, fully, Who You Are, and. . .without an-other, you are nothing.

This is both the mystery and the wonder, the frus-tration and the joy of the human experience. It requires deep understanding and total willingness to live within this paradox in a way which makes sense. I observe that very few people do.

Most of you enter your relationship-forming years

ripe with anticipation, full of sexual energy, a wide-open heart, and a joyful, if eager, soul.

 

Somewhere between 40 and 60 (and for most it is sooner rather than later) you’ve given up on your grandest dream, set aside your highest hope, and settled for your lowest expectation-or nothing at all.

The problem is so basic, so simple, and yet so tragically misunderstood: your grandest dream, your highest idea, and your fondest hope has had to do with your beloved other rather than your beloved Self. The test of your relationships has had to do with how well the other lived up to your ideas, and how well you saw yourself living up to his or hers. Yet the only true test has to do with how well you live up to yours.

 

Relationships are sacred because they provide life’s grandest opportunity—indeed, its only opportu-nity—to create and produce the experience of your highest conceptualization of Self. Relationships fail when you see them as life’s grandest opportunity to create and produce the experience of your highest conceptualization of another.

Let each person in relationship worry about Self—what Self is being, doing, and having; what Self is wanting, asking, giving; what Self is seeking, creating, experiencing, and all relationships would magnificently serve their purpose—and their participants!

Let each person in relationship worry not about the other, but only, only, only about Self.

This seems a strange teaching, for you have been told that in the highest form of relationship, one worries only about the other. Yet I tell you this: your focus upon the other—your obsession with the other—is what causes relationships to fail.

What is the other being? What is the other doing?

What is the other having? What is the other saying?

Wanting? Demanding? What is the other thinking?

Expecting? Planning?

The Master understands that it doesn’t matter what the other is being, doing, having, saying, wanting, de-manding. It doesn’t matter what the other is thinking, expecting, planning. It only matters what you are being in relationship to that.

The most loving person is the person who is Self-centered.

 

That is a radical teaching.

 

Not if you look at it carefully. If you cannot love your Self, you cannot love another. Many people make the mistake of seeking love of Self through love for another. Of course, they don’t realize they are doing this. It is not a conscious effort. It’s what’s going on in the mind. Deep in the mind. In what you call the subconscious.

 

They think: “If I can just love others, they will love me. Then I will be lovable, and I can love me.”

The reverse of this is that so many people hate themselves because they feel there is not another who loves them. This is a sickness—it’s when people are truly “lovesick” because the truth is, other people do love them, but it doesn’t matter. No matter how many people profess their love for them, it is not enough.

First, they don’t believe you. They think you are trying to manipulate them—trying to get something. (How could you love them for who they truly are? No. There must be some mistake. You must want some-thing! Now what do you want?)

They sit around trying to figure out how anyone could actually love them. So they don’t believe you, and embark on a campaign to make you prove it. You have to prove that you love them. To do this, they may ask you to start altering your behavior.

Second, if they finally come to a place where they can believe you love them, they begin at once to worry about how long they can keep your love. So, in order to hold onto your love, they start altering their behavior.

Thus, two people literally lose themselves in a rela-tionship. They get into the relationship hoping to find themselves, and they lose themselves instead.

This losing of the Self in a relationship is what causes most of the bitterness in such couplings.

Two people join together in a partnership hoping that the whole will be greater than the sum of the parts, only to find that it’s less. They feel less than when they were single. Less capable, less able, less exciting, less attractive, less joyful, less content.

This is because they are less. They’ve given up most of who they are in order to be—and to stay—in their relationship.

Relationships were never meant to be this way. Yet this is how they are experienced by more people than you could ever know.

 

 
Why? Why?

 

It is because people have lost touch with (if they ever were in touch with) the purpose of relationships.

When you lose sight of each other as sacred souls on a sacred journey, then you cannot see the purpose, the reason, behind all relationships.

The soul has come to the body, and the body to life, for the purpose of evolution. You are evolving, you are becoming. And you are using your relationship with everything to decide what you are becoming.

This is the job you came here to do. This is the joy of creating Self. Of knowing Self. Of becoming, con-sciously, what you wish to be. It is what is meant by being Self conscious.

You have brought your Self to the relative world so that you might have the tools with which to know and expe-rience Who You Really Are. Who You Are is who you create yourself to be in relationship to all the rest of it.

Your personal relationships are the most important elements in this process. Your personal relationships are therefore holy ground. They have virtually nothing to do with the other, yet, because they involve another, they have everything to do with the other.

This is the divine dichotomy. This is the closed circle. So it is not such a radical teaching to say, “Blessed are the Self-centered, for they shall know God.” It might not be a bad goal in your life to know the highest part of your Self, and to stay centered in that.

Your first relationship, therefore, must be with your Self. You must first learn to honor and cherish and love your Self.

You must first see your Self as worthy before you can see another as worthy. You must first see your Self as blessed before you can see another as blessed. You must first know your Self to be holy before you can acknow-ledge holiness in another.

If you put the cart before the horse—as most relig-ions ask you to do—and acknowledge another as holy before you acknowledge yourself, you will one day resent it. If there is one thing none of you can tolerate, it is someone being holier than thou. Yet your religions force you to call others holier than thou. And so you do it—for a while. Then you crucify them.

You have crucified (in one way or another) all of My teachers, not just One. And you did so not because they were holier than thou, but because you made them out to be.

My teachers have all come with the same message. Not “I am holier than thou,” but “You are as holy as am I.,,

This is the message you have not been able to hear; this is the truth you have not been able to accept. And that is why you can never truly, purely, fall in love with another. You have never truly, purely fallen in love with your Self.

And so I tell you this: be now and forever centered upon your Self. Look to see what you are being, doing, and having in any given moment, not what’s going on with another.

It is not in the action of another, but in your re-action, that your salvation will be found.

 

I know better, but somehow this makes it sound as though we should not mind what others do to us in relationships. They can do anything, and so long as we hold our equilibrium, keep our Self centered, and all that good stuff, nothing can touch us. But others do touch us. Their actions do sometimes hurt us. It is when the hurt comes into relationships that I don’t know what to do. It’s all very well to say “stand aside from it; cause it to mean nothing,” but that’s easier said than done. I do get hurt by the words and actions of others in relationships.

 

The day will come when you will not. That will be the day on which you realize—and actualize—the true meaning of relationships; the true reason for them.

It is because you have forgotten this that you react the way you do. But that is alright. That is part of the growth process. It is part of evolution. It is Soul Work you are up to in relationship, yet that is a grand under-standing, a grand remembering. Until you remember this—and remember then also how to use relationship as a tool in the creation of Self—you must work at the level at which you are. The level of understanding, the level of willingness, the level of remembrance.

And so there are things you can do when you react with pain and hurt to what another is being, saying, or doing. The first is to admit honestly to yourself and to another exactly how you are feeling. This many of you are afraid to do, because you think it will make you “look bad.” Somewhere, deep inside of you, you realize that it probably is ridiculous for you to “feel that way.” It probably is small of you. You are “bigger than that.” But you can’t help it. You still feel that way.

 

There is only one thing you can do. You must honor your feelings. For honoring your feelings means honor-ing your Self. And you must love your neighbor as you love yourself. How can you ever expect to understand and honor the feelings of another if you cannot honor the feelings within your Self?

The first question in any interactive process with another is: now Who Am I, and Who Do I Want to Be, in relationship to that?

Often you do not remember Who You Are, and do not know Who You Want to Be until you try out a few ways of being. That is why honoring your truest feelings is so important.

If your first feeling is a negative feeling, simply having the feeling is frequently all that is needed to step away from it. It is when you have the anger, have the upset, have the disgust, have the rage, own the feeling of wanting to “hurt back,” that you can disown these first feelings as “not Who You Want to Be.”

The Master is one who has lived through enough such experiences to know in advance what her final choices are. She does not need to “try out” anything.

She’s worn these clothes before and knows they do not fit; they are not “her.” And since a Master’s life is devoted to the constant realization of Self as one knows oneself to be, such ill-fitting feelings would never be entertained.

That is why Masters are imperturbable in the face of what others might call calamity. A Master blesses calam-ity, for the Master knows that from the seeds of disaster (and all experience) comes the growth of Self. And the Master’s second life purpose is alwaysgrowth. For once one has fully Self realized, there is nothing left to do except be more of that.

It is at this stage that one moves from soul work to God work, for this is what I am up to!

I will assume for the purposes of this discussion that you are still up to soul work. You are still seeking to realize (make “real”) Who You Truly Are. Life (I) will give you bountiful opportunities to create that (remember, life is not a process of discovery, life is a process of creation).

You can create Who You Are over and over again. Indeed, you do—every day. As things now stand, you do not always come up with the same answer, however. Given an identical outer experience, on day one you may choose to be patient, loving, and kind in relationship to it. On day two you may choose to be angry, ugly, and sad.

The Master is one who always comes up with the same answer—and that answer is always the highest choice.

In this the Master is imminently predictable. Con-versely, the student is completely unpredictable. One can tell how one is doing on the road to mastery by simply noticing how predictably one makes the highest choice in responding or reacting to any situation.

Of course, this throws open the question, what choice is highest?

That is a question around which have revolved the philosophies and theologies of man since the beginning of time. If the question truly engages you, you are already on your way to mastery. For it is still true that most people continue to be engaged by another ques-tion altogether. Not, what is the highest choice, but, what is the most profitable? Or, how can I lose the least?

When life is lived from a standpoint of damage control or optimum advantage, the true benefit of life is forfeited. The opportunity is lost. The chance is missed. For a life lived thusly is a life lived from fear—and that life speaks a lie about you.

For you are not fear, you are love. Love that needs no protection, love that cannot be lost. Yet you will never know this in your experience if you continually answer the second question and not the first. For only a person who thinks there is something to gain or to lose asks the second question. And only a person who sees life in a different way; who sees Self as a higher being; who understands that winning or losing is not the test, but only loving or failing to love—only that person asks the first.

He who asks the second question says, “I am my body.” She who asks the first says, “I am my soul.”

Yea, let all those who have ears to hear, listen. For I tell you this: at the critical juncture in all human rela-tionships, there is only one question:

 

What would love do now?

 

No other question is relevant, no other question is meaningful, no other question has any importance to your soul.

Now we come upon a very delicate point of inter-pretation, for this principle of love-sponsored action has been widely misunderstood—and it is this misun-derstanding which has led to the resentments and angers of life—which, in turn, have caused so many to stray from the path.

For centuries you have been taught that love-spon-sored action arises out of the choice to be, do, and have whatever produces the highest good for another.

Yet I tell you this: the highest choice is that which produces the highest good for you.

 

As with all profound spiritual truth, this statement opens itself to immediate misinterpretation. The mys-tery clears a bit the moment one decides what is the highest “good” one could do for oneself. And when the absolute highest choice is made, the mystery dissolves, the circle completes itself, and the highest good for you becomes the highest good for another.

It may take lifetimes to understand this—and even more lifetimes to implement—for this truth revolves around an even greater one: What you do for your Self, you do for another. What you do for another, you do for the Self.

This is because you and the other are one.

And this is because...

There is naught but You.

All the Masters who have walked your planet have taught this. (“Verily, verily, I say unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me.”) Yet this has remained for most people merely a grand esoteric truth, with little practical application. In fact, it is the most practically applicable “esoteric” truth of all time.

It is important in relationships to remember this truth, for without it relationships will be very difficult.

 

Let’s go back to the practical applications of this wisdom and step away from the purely spiritual, eso-teric aspect of it for now.

So often, under the old understandings, peo-ple—well-meaning and well-intentioned and many very religious—did what they thought would be best for the other person in their relationships. Sadly, all this produced in many cases (in most cases) was continued abuse by the other. Continued mistreatment. Contin-ued dysfunction in the relationship.

Ultimately, the person trying to “do what is right” by the other—to be quick to forgive, to show com-passion, to continually look past certain problems and behaviors—becomes resentful, angry, and mis-trusting, even of God. For how can a just God de-mand such unending suffering, joylessness, and sacrifice, even in the name of love?

The answer is, Cod does not. God asks only that you include yourself among those you love.

God goes further. God suggests—recommends— that you put yourself first.

I do this knowing full well that some of you will call this blasphemy, and therefore not My word, and that others of you will do what might be even worse: accept it as My word and misinterpret or distort it to suit your own purposes; to justify unGodly acts.

I tell you this—putting yourself first in the highest sense never leads to an unGodly act.

If, therefore, you have caught yourself in an unGodly act as a result of doing what is best for you, the confusion is not in having put yourself first, but rather in misun-derstanding what is best for you.

Of course, determiningwhat is bestfor you will require you to also determine what it is you are trying to do. This is an important step that many people ignore. What are you “up to”? What is your purpose in life? Without answers to these questions, the matter of what is “best” in any given circumstances will remain a mystery.

As a practical matter—again leaving esoterics aside—if you look to what is best for you in these situations where you are being abused, at the very least what you will do is stop the abuse. And that will be good for both you and your abuser. For even an abuser is abused when his abuse is allowed to continue.

This is not healing to the abuser, but damaging. For if the abuser finds that his abuse is acceptable, what has he learned? Yet if the abuser finds that his abuse will be accepted no more, what has he been allowed to discover?

Therefore, treating others with love does not neces-sarily mean allowing others to do as they wish.

Parents learn this early with children. Adults are not so quick to learn it with other adults, nor nation with nation.

Yet despots cannot be allowed to flourish, but must be stopped in their despotism. Love of Self, and love of the despot, demands it.

 

This is the answer to your question, “If love is all there is, how can man ever justify war?”

Sometimes man must go to war to make the grandest statement about who man truly is: he who abhors war.

There are times when you may have to give up Who You Are in order to be Who You Are.

There are Masters who have taught: you cannot have it all until you are willing to give it all up.

Thus, in order to “have” yourself as a man of peace, you may have to give up the idea of yourself as a man who never goes to war. History has called upon men for such decisions.

The same is true in the most individual and the most personal relationships. Life may more than once call upon you to prove Who You Are by demonstrating an aspect of Who You Are Not.

 

This is notsodifficultto understand if you have lived a few years, though for the idealistically young it may seem the ultimate contradiction. In more mature retro-spection it seems more divine dichotomy.

This does not mean in human relationships that if you are being hurt, you have to “hurt back.” (Nor does it mean so in relationships between nations.) It simply means that to allow another to continually inflict dam-age may not be the most loving thing to do—for your Self or the other.

This should put to rest some pacifist theories that highest love requires no forceful response to what you consider evil.

The discussion here turns esoteric once more, because no serious exploration of this statement can ignore the word “evil,” and the value judgments it invites. In truth, there is nothing evil, only objective phenomena and experience. Yet your very purpose in life requires you to select from the growing collec-tion of endless phenomena a scattered few which you call evil—for unless you do, you cannot call yourself, nor anything else, good—and thus cannot know, or create, your Self.

 

By that which you call evil do you define your-self—and by that which you call good.

The biggest evil would therefore be to declare nothing evil at all.

You exist in this life in the world of the relative, where one thing can exist only insofar as it relates to another. This is at one and the same time both the function and the purpose of relationship: to provide a field of experience within which you find yourself, define yourself, and—if you choose-constantly recre-ate Who You Are.

Choosing to be God-like does not mean you choose to be a martyr. And it certainly does not mean you choose to be a victim.

On your way to mastery—when all posibility of hurt, damage, and loss is eliminated—it would be well to recognize hurt, damage, and loss as part of your experi-ence, and decide Who You Are in relationship to it.

Yes, the things that others think, say, or do will sometimes hurt you—until they do not anymore. What will get you from here to there most quickly is total honesty—being willing to assert, acknowledge, and declare exactly how you feel about a thing. Say your truth—kindly, but fully and completely. Live your truth, gently, but totally and consistently. Change your truth easily and quickly when your experience brings you new clarity.

No one in right mind, least of all God, would tell you, when you are hurt in a relationship, to “stand aside from it, cause it to mean nothing.” If you are now hurting, it is too late to cause it to mean nothing. Your task now is to decide what it does mean—and to demonstrate that. For in so doing, you choose and become Who You Seek to Be.

 

So I don’t have to be the long-suffering wife or the belittled husband or the victim of my relationships in order to render them holy, or to make me pleasing in the eyes of God.

 

Good grief, of course not.

 

And I don’t have to put up with attacks on my dignity, assaults on my pride, damage to my psyche, and wounds to my heart in order to say that I “gave it my best” in a relationship; “did my duty” or “met my obligation” in the eyes of God and man.

 

Not for one minute.

 

Then, pray God, tell me—what promises should I make in relationship; what agreements must I keep? What obligations do relationships carry? What guidelines should I seek?

 

The answer is the answer you cannot hear—for it leaves you without guidelines and renders null and void every agreement in the moment you make it. The answer is: you have no obligation. Neither in relation-ship, nor in all of life.

 

No obligation?

 

No obligation. Nor any restriction or limitation, nor any guidelines or rules. Nor are you bound by any circumstances or situations, nor constrained by any code or law. Nor are you punishable for any offense, nor capable of any—for there is no such thing as being “offensive” in the eyes of God.

 

I’ve heard this before—this “there are no rules” kind of religion. That’s spiritual anarchy. I don’t see how that can work.

 

There is no way it cannot work—if you are about the business of creating your Self. If, on the other hand, you imagine yourself to be about the task of trying to

be what someone else wants you to be, the absence of rules or guidelines might indeed make things difficult.

 

Yet the thinking mind begs to ask: if God has a way She wants me to be, why didn’t She simply create me that way to begin with? Why all this struggle for me to “overcome” who I am in order for me to become what God wants me to be? This the probing mind demands to know—and rightly so, for it is a proper inquiry.

The religionists would have you believe that I cre-ated you as less than Who I Am so that you could have the chance to become as Who I Am, working against all odds—and, I might add, against every natural tendency I am supposed to have given you.

Among these so-called natural tendencies is the tendency to sin. You are taught that you were born in sin, that you will die in sin, and that to sin is your nature.

One of your religions even teaches you that you can do nothing about this. Your own actions are irrelevant and meaningless. It is arrogant to think that by some action of yours you can “get to heaven.” There is only one way to heaven (salvation) and that is through no undertaking of your own, but through the grace granted you by God through acceptance of His Son as your intermediary.

Once this is done you are “saved.” Until it is done, nothing that you do-not the life you live, not the choices you make, not anything you undertake of your own will in an effort to improve yourself or render you worthy—has any effect, bears any influence. You are incapable of rendering yourself worthy, because you are inherently unworthy. You were created that way.

Why? Cod only knows. Perhaps He made a mistake. Perhaps He didn’t get it right. Maybe He wishes He could have it all to do over again. But there it is. What to do...

 

You’re making mock of me.

 

No. You are making mock of Me. You are saying that I, God, made inherently imperfect beings, then have demanded of them to be perfect, or face damnation.

You are saying then that, somewhere several thou-sand years into the world’s experience, I relented, saying that from then on you didn’t necessarily have to be good, you simply had to feel bad when you were not being good, and accept as your savior the One Being who could always be perfect, thus satisfying My hunger for perfection. You are saying that My Son—who you call the One Perfect One—has saved you from your own imperfection—the imperfection I gave you.

In other words, God’s Son has saved you from what His Father did.

This is how you—many of you—say I’ve set it up. Now who is mocking whom?

 

That is the second time in this book you seem to have launched a frontal attack on fundamentalist Christianity. I am surprised.

 

You have chosen the word “attack.” I am simply engaging the issue. And the issue, by the way, is not “fundamentalist Christianity,” as you put it. It is the entire nature of God, and of God’s relationship to man.

The question comes up here because we were discussing the matter of obligations—in relationships and in life itself.

You cannot believe in an obligation-less relationship because you cannot accept who and what you really are. You call a life of complete freedom “spiritual anarchy.” I call it Cod’s great promise.

It is only within the context of this promise that God’s great plan can be completed.

You have no obligation in relationship. You have only opportunity.

Opportunity, not obligation, is the cornerstone of religion, the basis of all spirituality. So long as you see it the other way around, you will have missed the point.

Relationship—your relationship to all things—was created as your perfect tool in the work of the soul. That is why all human relationships are sacred ground. It is why every personal relationship is holy.

 

In this, many churches have it right. Marriage is a sacrament. But not because of its sacred obligations. Rather, because of its unequalled opportunity.

Never do anything in relationship out of a sense of obligation. Do whatever you do out of a sense of the glorious opportunity your relationship affords you to decide, and to be, Who You Really Are.

 

I can hear that—yet over and over in my relationships I have given up when the going gets tough. The result is that I’ve had a string of relationships where I thought, as a kid, that I’d have only one. I don’t seem to know what it’s like to hold onto a relationship. Do you think I will ever learn? What do I have to do to make it happen?

 

You make it sound as if holding onto a relationship means it’s been a success. Try not to confuse longevity with a job well done. Remember, your job on the planet is not to see how long you can stay in relationship, it’s to decide, and experience, Who You Really Are.

This is not an argument for short-term relation-ships— yet neither is there a requirement for long-term ones.

Still, while there is no such requirement, this much should be said: long-term relationships do hold remark-able opportunities for mutual growth, mutual expres-sion, and mutual fulfillment—and that has its own reward.

 

I know, I know! I mean, I’ve always suspected that. So how do I get there?

 

First, make sure you get into a relationship for the

right reasons. (I’m using the word “right” here as a

relative term. I mean “right” relative to the larger pur-pose you hold in your life.)

 

As I have indicated before, most people still enter relationships for the “wrong” reasons—to end loneli-ness, fill a gap, bring themselves love, or someone to love—and those are some of the better reasons. Others do so to salve their ego, end their depressions, improve their sex life, recover from a previous relationship, or, believe it or not, to relieve boredom.

None of these reasons will work, and unless some-thing dramatic changes along the way, neither will the relationship.

 

I didn’t enter into my relationships for any of those reasons.

 

I would challenge that. I don’t think you know why you entered your relationships. I don’t think you thought about it in this way. I don’t think you entered

your relationships purposefully. I think you entered your relationships because you “fell in love.”

 

That’s exactly right.

 

And I don’t think you stopped to look at why you

“fell in love.” What was it to which you were respond-ing? What need, or set of needs, was being fulfilled?

For most people, love is a response to need fulfill-ment.

Everyone has needs. You need this, another needs that. You both see in each other a chance for need fulfillment. So you agree-tacitly—to a trade. I’ll trade you what I’ve got if you’ll give me what you’ve got.

It’s a transaction. But you don’t tell the truth about it. You don’t say, “I trade you very much.” You say, “I love you very much,” and then the disappointment begins.

 

You’ve made this point before.

 

Yes, and you’ve done this thing before—not once, but several times.

 

 

Sometimes this book seems to be going in circles, making the same points over and over again.

 

Sort of like life.

 

Touché.

 

The process here is that you’re asking the questions and I’m merely answering them. If you ask the same question three different ways, I’m obliged to continue answering it.

 

Maybe I keep hoping You’ll come up with a different answer. You take a lot of the romance out of it when I ask You about relationships. What’s wrong with falling head over heels in love without having to think about it?

 

Nothing. Fall in love with as many people as you like that way. But if you’re going to form a lifelong relationship with them, you may want to add a little thought.

On the other hand, if you enjoy going through relationships like water—or, worse yet, staying in one because you think you “have to,” then living a life of quiet desperation—if you enjoy repeating these pat-terns—from your past, keep right on doing what you’ve been doing.

 

Okay, okay. I get it. Boy, You’re relentless, aren’t You?

 

That’s the problem with truth. The truth is relentless.

It won’t leave you alone. It keeps creeping up on you from every side, showing you what’s really so. That can be annoying.

 

Okay. So I want to find the tools for a long-term relation-ship—and you say entering relationships purposefully is one of them.

 

Yes. Be sure you and your mate agree on purpose. If you both agree at a conscious level that the

purpose of your relationship is to create an opportu-nity, not an obligation—an opportunity for growth, for full Self expression, for lifting your lives to their highest potential, for healing every false thought or small idea you ever had about you, and for ultimate reunion with God through the communion of your two souls—if you take that vow instead of the vows you’ve been taking—the relationship has begun on a very good note. It’s gotten off on the right foot. That’s a very good beginning.

 

Still, it’s no guarantee of success.

 

If you want guarantees in life, then you don’t want life. You want rehearsals for a script that’s already been written.

Life by its nature cannot have guarantees, or its whole purpose is thwarted.

 

Okay. Got it. So now I’ve got my relationship off to this very good start.” Now, how do I keep it going?

 

Know and understand that there will be challenges and difficult times.

Don’t try to avoid them. Welcome them. Gratefully. See them as grand gifts from Cod; glorious opportuni-ties to do what you came into the relationship—and life—to do.

Try very hard not to see your partner as the enemy,

or the opposition, during these times.

In fact, seek to see no one, and nothing, as the enemy—or even the problem. Cultivate the tech-nique of seeing all problems as opportunities. Oppor-tunities to. .

 

.1 know, I know—”be, and decide, Who You Really Are.”

 

Right! You’re getting it! You are getting it!

 

Sounds like a pretty dull life to me.

 

Then you’re setting your sights too low. Broaden the scope of your horizons. Extend the depth of your vision.

See more in you than you think there is to be seen. See

more in your partner, too.

You will never disserve your relationship—nor anyone—by seeing more in another than they are showing you. For there is more there. Much more. It is only their fear that stops them from showing you. If others notice that you see them as more, they will feel safe to show you what you obviously al-ready see.

 

People tend to live up to our expectations of them.

 

Something like that. I don’t like the word “expecta-tions” here. Expectations ruin relationships. Let’s say that people tend to see in themselves what we see in them. The grander our vision, the grander their willing-ness to access and display the part of them we have shown them.

Isn’t that how all truly blessed relationships work? Isn’t that part of the healing process—the process by which we give people permission to “let go” of every false thought they’ve ever had about themselves?

Isn’t that what I am doing here, in this book, for you?

 

Yes.

 

And that is the work of God. The work of the soul is to wake yourself up. The work of Cod is to wake everybody else up.

 

We do this by seeing others as Who They Are—by reminding them of Who They Are.

 

 

This you can do in two ways—by reminding them of Who They Are (very difficult, because they will not believe you), and by remembering Who You Are (much easier, because you do not need their belief, only your own). Demonstrating this constantly ultimately reminds others of Who They Are, for they will see themselves in you.

Many Masters have been sent to the Earth to dem-onstrate Eternal Truth. Others, such as John the Baptist, have been sent as messengers, telling of the Truth in glowing terms, speaking of Cod with unmistakable clarity.

These special messengers have been gifted with extraordinary insight, and the very special power to see and receive Eternal Truth, plus the ability to communi-cate complex concepts in ways that can and will be understood by the masses.

You are such a messenger.

 

I am?

 

Yes. Do you believe this?

 

It is such a difficult thing to accept. I mean, all of us want to be special.

 

...aIl of you are special..

 

....and the ego gets in there—at least with me it does, and tries to make us feel somehow “chosen” for an amazing assign-ment. I have to fight that ego all the time, seek to purify and re-purify my every thought, word, and deed so as to keep personal aggrandizement out of it. So it’s very difficult to hear what you’re saying, because I’m aware that it plays to my ego, and I’ve spent all my life fighting my ego.

 

I know you have.

And sometimes not too successfully.

 

I am chagrined to have to agree.

 

Yet always when it has come to Cod, you have let the ego drop. Many is the night you have begged and pleaded for clarity, beseeched the heavens for insight, not so that you could enrich yourself, or heap honor upon yourself, but out of the deep purity of a simple yearning to know.

 

Yes.

 

And you have promised Me, over and over again, that should you be caused to know, you would spend the rest of your life—every waking moment—sharing Eternal Truth with others. . .not out of a need to gain glory, but out of your heart’s deepest desire to end the pain and suffering of others; to bring joy and gladness, and help and healing; to reconnect others with the sense of partnership with Cod you have always experienced.

 

Yes. Yes.

 

And so I have chosen you to be My messenger. You, and many others. For now, during these times immedi-ately ahead, the world will need many trumpets to sound the clarion call. The world will need many voices to speak the words of truth and healing for which millions long. The world will need many hearts joined together in the work of the soul, and prepared to do the work of God.

Can you honestly claim that you are not aware of this?

 

No.

 

Can you honestly deny that this is why you came?

 

No.

 

Are you ready then, with this book, to decide and to declare your own Eternal Truth, and to announce and articulate the glory of Mine?

 

Must I include these last few exchanges in the book?

 

You don’t have to do anything. Remember, in our relationship you have no obligation. Only opportunity. Is this not the opportunity for which you have waited all your life? Have you not devoted your Self to this mission—and the proper preparation for it—from the earliest moments of youth?

 

Yes.

 

Then do not what you are obliged to do, but what you have an opportunity to do.

As to placing all this in our book, why would you not? Think you that I want you to be a messenger in secret?

 

No, I suppose not.

 

It takes great courage to announce oneself as a man of God. You understand, the world will much more readily accept you as virtually anything else—but a man of Cod? An actual messenger? Every one of My messen-gers has been defiled. Far from gaining glory, they have gained nothing but heartache.

Are you willing? Does your heart ache to tell the truth about Me? Are you willing to endure the ridicule of your fellow human beings? Are you prepared to give up glory on Earth for the greater glory of the soul fully realized?

 

You’re making this all sound suddenly pretty heavy, God.

 

You want I should kid you about it?

 

Well, we could just lighten up a little here.

 

Hey, I’m all for enlightenment! Why don’t we end this chapter with a joke?

 

Good idea. You got one?

 

No, but you do. Tell the one about the little girl drawing a picture.

 

Oh, yes, that one. Okay. Well, a Mommy came into the kitchen one day to find her little girl at the table, crayons everywhere, deeply concentrating on a freehand picture she was creating. “My, what are you so busy drawing?” the Mommy asked. “It’s a picture of God, Mommy,” the beautiful girl replied, eyes shining. “Oh honey, that’s so sweet,” the Mommy said, trying to be helpful. “But you know, no one really knows what God looks like.”

“Well,” chirped the little girl, “if you’ll just let me finish. .

 

That’s a beautiful little joke. Do you know what’s most beautiful? The little girl never doubted that she knew exactly how to draw Me!

 

Yes.

 

Now I’ll tell you a story, and with that we can end this chapter.

 

Alright.

 

There once was a man who suddenly found himself spending hours each week writing a book. Day after day he would race to pad and pen—sometimes in the middle of the night—to capture each new inspiration. Finally, someone asked him what he was up to.

 

“Oh,” he replied, “I’m writing down a very long conversation I’m having with God.”

“That’s very sweet,” his friend indulged him, “but you know, no one really knows for sure what God would say.”

“Well,” the man grinned, “if you’ll just let me finish.”



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