"Slip out, Dan, and take a walk in the fresh air, alone. You don't look well." I thanked him and halted, and he passed on without inquiring into the cause of what he must have seen was a pitiable dejection. A thousand well-sifted words could not have shown the delicacy4 of his nature more fittingly, and my gratitude5 followed him step by step as he went up the stairs; and when he had reached the landing I stole out of the house.
The brown veil of dusk lay upon the land, but in a hill-side thicket6 far away a light was shimmering7 to illumine the early evening festival of the gray fox—the moon was coming up. The air was still and soft, but heavy with the sappy scent8 from the[Pg 175] damp grass land down the creek9. On the comb of a cabin, grotesquely10 outlined in this dun-colored close of day, sat a negro blowing a melancholy11 reed, and high above him the bull-bats were screaming. In the shrubbery a hord of negro children were playing a counting-out game. I passed the cow-pens; the women were there and I heard the stream of milk spurting12 hard in the "piggin." My spirits rose out of their nervous lassitude; I felt a strong and almost unnatural13 sense of exhilaration, and this alarmed me, for we are sometimes afraid to feel an unaccountable buoyancy lest it may foretell14 a coming fall. I have known Christians15 who had prayed for sanctity in the sight of the Lord, to tremble at happiness, afraid that it might be a trap set by the devil. I skirted the shore of the creek, crossed the meadow, passed through the woods, entered the grassy16 lane and stood there with my arms on the fence, looking at the full moon, now high above the trees. And I thought that the foxes must have given over their dancing to scatter17 about for a night of mischievous18 prowling. I was on a knoll19, and turning about I could see the lights in the cabins and the great house, a hen and her chickens squatted20 upon the ground, I fancied. The strongest light came from my Young Master's room, and in my mind I[Pg 176] could see him sitting at the table with his eyes fastened upon his sheep-bound book. And the self-reproach of an ambitious thought that I was not keeping up with him started me homeward at a bound. But I had not gone far before I was stopped by a voice. A man stepped from the corner of the zig-zag fence. "Hold on!" he said, and the doctor stood before me. The moon was on his face and in the coarse lines that traced his countenance21 the devil's mockery was legible.
"Home," I answered.
"Home!" he repeated, and vitriol was in his voice. "Is there a home for everyone but me?" He threw his head back as if motioning toward the house. "Can you go back there and sleep on a bed when I am told never to cross that threshold again? Can you?"
"I don't know what you mean, doctor?"
"I have been driven away this night. The old man has turned me out."
"But am I to blame? I am the humblest member of that household."
He did not change his attitude, but I thought that I saw his bosom23 swelling24. "The humblest because you[Pg 177] are the lowest down, but a snake is low down," he said, thrusting his chin toward me. "Look here, spawn25. The first step you took put you in my way. Do you hear me?"
"Yes, sir, and I am much surprised to hear you say it. I didn't think you would acknowledge that I had so much force. We have not been friends, it is true, but I thought that my position kept us from being enemies. To be enemies must argue a certain degree of equality, and I have never presumed upon that. You may have stooped. And now let me beg you to straighten up and forget that I ever existed."
"I will forget that you have existed, and I will straighten up, but not until I have stooped lower. Look here. I hate the fool boy that owns you, and if I could kill him this moment, I would. I am getting old and there is nothing left for me. But I want revenge and I am going to have it, for I am going to be sensible. I never was a fool."
"Doctor, I don't understand your meaning."
"You are duller than usual. If I were to kill your master or that old imbecile, this whole county would follow me, but if I kill a yellow dog, they—" He leered at me, the moon full on his face. A chill seized[Pg 178] my legs and ran to the top of my head and the roots of my hair felt cold.
"You mean that you will kill me?"
I was perfectly27 calm; the chill had left me. "Will you please let me pass?" I asked; and he stepped back, still with his hands behind him. "No," he said.
"Have you forgotten our contract?"
"You are a fool if you put faith in it. You are not negro enough to be put by with a kick. You are white man enough to be killed. And when they find you in the morning they will think that your little learning drove you mad."
This startled me. I believed that they would think so, if they should find me dead, but no obedience28 to a social law and surely no regard for the statutes29 could force me to submit quietly to the bloody30 purpose of this raving31 man.
"Doctor, I have run from you for the last time. Get out of my way!" I stepped aside, but he moved toward me. Now his hands were in front of him and I saw a knife. I had nothing. I could have turned and run away; I could have leaped over the fence, but hot blood was coursing where the chill had crept.
[Pg 179]
"I am going home," said I, "and I am going down this lane."
He made no reply, but with a leap and a strike he was upon me. I caught the wrist of his right arm; I threw my left arm about him. I thought that I heard his bones cracking and it gave me a thrill of mad delight. I did not strive to get his knife. I bent32 his head down till his cry was but a mutter; his right hand was crushed against his bosom—and I threw him upon the ground. He struggled, with one faint cry, for his face was in the grass, and I put my foot on his back to hold him down, to complete my victory over him. And I am free to confess that my soul was full of a joy that almost burnt me, it was so hot. Many a time had he stood with his foot upon my trembling heart, and the memory of those long years of humiliation33 swept over me and I lifted my hands and cried aloud to the God of vengeance34. I looked down at my foe35 under my foot. And now he was so mean and shrunken that my heart flinched36 with a pity that pricked37 it. I lifted my foot with a quick jerk lest another memory might press it down the harder, and stood waiting for him to get up. He did not move. "Get up," I said, taking him by the shoulder. But he made no effort. Then I turned him upon his back and the moonlight fell upon[Pg 180] his blood, and horrified38, I looked at him, his eyes wide open, his teeth hard set with grass between them. His right hand was still upon his left breast, clutching the knife, and its blade was buried in his heart.
I dropped upon my knees, and gazed at him, now so old and wrinkled. I leaped to my feet and the air whistled in my ears as I bounded down the lane. I was struggling to run away from the knowledge that I had killed him, but it kept up with me—showed me a jail and a gallows39. I halted when near the house, put my arm about a tree and stood there. The negro cabins were dark, but a light burned in Young Master's room. The hour was late. The creek was louder than I had ever heard it, a mockery, not a music. A wind had sprung up and in the tree-tops there was a cold and rasping whisper. I was striving to reach a decision as to what course I should pursue. Undoubtedly40 I had killed the man or had thrown him so that he might kill himself, but of this I had entertained no thought at the time, my aim being to protect myself and to humiliate41 him, to show him that I could turn and be his master. But I could not explain this to the authorities, therefore I held no notion of giving myself up. To run away were an acknowledgement of guilt42, a brief inquiry43 and the[Pg 181] rope. I could make a flat denial, if accused, but was afraid that I could not summon the nerve to maintain it. Still something must be done. I might go to Mr. Clem, tell him the truth, get letters from him to persons in the real land of the free and with his financial aid make my escape out of the country. But this was blocked by the love I bore my Young Master. I went to the well and washed my hands, although I could find no blood on them, and the windlass was so loud with its groaning44 that I fancied the whole world must hear it. A dog came up, sniffed45 at me and trotted46 off. Life had been stirred until I had found the sugar at the bottom. I must save myself, but I could not run away without telling my Master, without asking his advice. I would go to him. Up the stairway I stole without a noise. I was afraid that I might find Old Master pacing the hall, and I listened to hear his slippered47 feet, but all was still. I turned the knob so gently that Young Master did not hear me when I entered the room. He sat gazing at his book. I spoke48 and he started.
"Why do you come slipping in this way, Dan? You startled me. What were you doing so long? What the devil is the matter with you, boy?"
I caught at the edge of the table, dropped upon my knees and told him my story. I do not know what his[Pg 182] face might have shown, for my eyes were cast down, I don't know what he felt, but I do know that not a sound escaped him. I got up at the end and looked at him, and his face was pale and hard.
"Lie down," he said, pointing to my lounge.
"To be pulled up by the sheriff?" I cried.
"Lie down and ask no questions, and stay there until I call for you. If anyone comes in, you are too ill to get up. Do you hear me? This is not a request; it is a command. D— you, will you do it?" he cried, stamping the floor. "You belong to me. Do as I tell you. Take off your clothes. If father asks for me, tell him I went away early in the evening. Don't say a word."
I took off my clothes, with the tears falling on my trembling hands. He watched me until I was in bed and then he put the light out. I heard the door close—heard him going down the stairs.
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1
wrought
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| v.引起；以…原料制作；运转；adj.制造的 | |
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2
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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3
collapse
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| vi.累倒；昏倒；倒塌；塌陷 | |
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4
delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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5
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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6
thicket
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| n.灌木丛，树林 | |
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7
shimmering
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| v.闪闪发光，发微光( shimmer的现在分词 ) | |
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8
scent
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| n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉 | |
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9
creek
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| n.小溪，小河，小湾 | |
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10
grotesquely
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| adv. 奇异地,荒诞地 | |
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11
melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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12
spurting
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| （液体，火焰等）喷出，（使）涌出( spurt的现在分词 )； （短暂地）加速前进，冲刺； 溅射 | |
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13
unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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14
foretell
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| v.预言，预告，预示 | |
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15
Christians
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| n.基督教徒( Christian的名词复数 ) | |
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16
grassy
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| adj.盖满草的；长满草的 | |
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17
scatter
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| vt.撒，驱散，散开；散布/播；vi.分散，消散 | |
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18
mischievous
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| adj.调皮的，恶作剧的，有害的，伤人的 | |
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19
knoll
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| n.小山，小丘 | |
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20
squatted
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| v.像动物一样蹲下( squat的过去式和过去分词 )；非法擅自占用（土地或房屋）；为获得其所有权；而占用某片公共用地。 | |
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21
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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22
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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23
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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24
swelling
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| n.肿胀 | |
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25
spawn
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| n.卵，产物，后代，结果；vt.产卵，种菌丝于，产生，造成；vi.产卵，大量生产 | |
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26
pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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27
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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28
obedience
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| n.服从，顺从 | |
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29
statutes
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| 成文法( statute的名词复数 )； 法令； 法规； 章程 | |
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30
bloody
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| adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染 | |
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31
raving
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| adj.说胡话的；疯狂的，怒吼的；非常漂亮的；令人醉心[痴心]的v.胡言乱语(rave的现在分词)n.胡话；疯话adv.胡言乱语地；疯狂地 | |
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32
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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33
humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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34
vengeance
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| n.报复，报仇，复仇 | |
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35
foe
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| n.敌人，仇敌 | |
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36
flinched
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| v.（因危险和痛苦）退缩，畏惧( flinch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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37
pricked
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| 刺，扎，戳( prick的过去式和过去分词 )； 刺伤； 刺痛； 使剧痛 | |
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38
horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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39
gallows
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| n.绞刑架，绞台 | |
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40
undoubtedly
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| adv.确实地，无疑地 | |
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41
humiliate
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| v.使羞辱，使丢脸[同]disgrace | |
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42
guilt
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| n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责 | |
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43
inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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44
groaning
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| adj. 呜咽的, 呻吟的 动词groan的现在分词形式 | |
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45
sniffed
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| v.以鼻吸气，嗅，闻( sniff的过去式和过去分词 )；抽鼻子（尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气）；抱怨，不以为然地说 | |
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46
trotted
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| 小跑，急走( trot的过去分词 )； 匆匆忙忙地走 | |
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47
slippered
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| 穿拖鞋的 | |
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48
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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