Acquaints the Reader with the Cause and Origin ofthe Interruption described in the last Chapter, andwith some other Matters necessary to be known.
Newman Noggs scrambled in violent haste upstairs withthe steaming beverage, which he had sounceremoniously snatched from the table of Mr Kenwigs,and indeed from the very grasp of the water-rate collector, whowas eyeing the contents of the tumbler, at the moment of itsunexpected abstraction, with lively marks of pleasure visible in hiscountenance. He bore his prize straight to his own back-garret,where, footsore and nearly shoeless, wet, dirty, jaded, anddisfigured with every mark of fatiguing travel, sat Nicholas andSmike, at once the cause and partner of his toil; both perfectlyworn out by their unwonted and protracted exertion.
Newman’s first act was to compel Nicholas, with gentle force, toswallow half of the punch at a breath, nearly boiling as it was; andhis next, to pour the remainder down the throat of Smike, who,never having tasted anything stronger than aperient medicine inhis whole life, exhibited various odd manifestations of surpriseand delight, during the passage of the liquor down his throat, andturned up his eyes most emphatically when it was all gone.
‘You are wet through,’ said Newman, passing his hand hastilyover the coat which Nicholas had thrown off; ‘and I—I—haven’teven a change,’ he added, with a wistful glance at the shabbyclothes he wore himself.
‘I have dry clothes, or at least such as will serve my turn well, inmy bundle,’ replied Nicholas. ‘If you look so distressed to see me,you will add to the pain I feel already, at being compelled, for onenight, to cast myself upon your slender means for aid and shelter.’
Newman did not look the less distressed to hear Nicholastalking in this strain; but, upon his young friend grasping himheartily by the hand, and assuring him that nothing but implicitconfidence in the sincerity of his professions, and kindness offeeling towards himself, would have induced him, on anyconsideration, even to have made him acquainted with his arrivalin London, Mr Noggs brightened up again, and went aboutmaking such arrangements as were in his power for the comfort ofhis visitors, with extreme alacrity.
These were simple enough; poor Newman’s means halting at avery considerable distance short of his inclinations; but, slight asthey were, they were not made without much bustling andrunning about. As Nicholas had husbanded his scanty stock ofmoney, so well that it was not yet quite expended, a supper ofbread and cheese, with some cold beef from the cook’s shop, wassoon placed upon the table; and these viands being flanked by abottle of spirits and a pot of porter, there was no ground forapprehension on the score of hunger or thirst, at all events. Suchpreparations as Newman had it in his power to make, for theaccommodation of his guests during the night, occupied no verygreat time in completing; and as he had insisted, as an expresspreliminary, that Nicholas should change his clothes, and thatSmike should invest himself in his solitary coat (which noentreaties would dissuade him from stripping off for the purpose),the travellers partook of their frugal fare, with more satisfaction than one of them at least had derived from many a better meal.
They then drew near the fire, which Newman Noggs had madeup as well as he could, after the inroads of Crowl upon the fuel;and Nicholas, who had hitherto been restrained by the extremeanxiety of his friend that he should refresh himself after hisjourney, now pressed him with earnest questions concerning hismother and sister.
‘Well,’ replied Newman, with his accustomed taciturnity; ‘bothwell.’
‘They are living in the city still?’ inquired Nicholas.
‘They are,’ said Newman.
‘And my sister,’—added Nicholas. ‘Is she still engaged in thebusiness which she wrote to tell me she thought she should like somuch?’
Newman opened his eyes rather wider than usual, but merelyreplied by a gasp, which, according to the action of the head thataccompanied it, was interpreted by his friends as meaning yes orno. In the present instance, the pantomime consisted of a nod, andnot a shake; so Nicholas took the answer as a favourable one.
‘Now listen to me,’ said Nicholas, laying his hand on Newman’sshoulder. ‘Before I would make an effort to see them, I deemed itexpedient to come to you, lest, by gratifying my own selfish desire,I should inflict an injury upon them which I can never repair.
What has my uncle heard from Yorkshire?’
Newman opened and shut his mouth, several times, as thoughhe were trying his utmost to speak, but could make nothing of it,and finally fixed his eyes on Nicholas with a grim and ghastlystare.
‘What has he heard?’ urged Nicholas, colouring. ‘You see that I am prepared to hear the very worst that malice can havesuggested. Why should you conceal it from me? I must know itsooner or later; and what purpose can be gained by trifling withthe matter for a few minutes, when half the time would put me inpossession of all that has occurred? Tell me at once, pray.’
‘Tomorrow morning,’ said Newman; ‘hear it tomorrow.’
‘What purpose would that answer?’ urged Nicholas.
‘You would sleep the better,’ replied Newman.
‘I should sleep the worse,’ answered Nicholas, impatiently.
‘Sleep! Exhausted as I am, and standing in no common need ofrest, I cannot hope to close my eyes all night, unless you tell meeverything.’
‘And if I should tell you everything,’ said Newman, hesitating.
‘Why, then you may rouse my indignation or wound my pride,’
rejoined Nicholas; ‘but you will not break my rest; for if the scenewere acted over again, I could take no other part than I havetaken; and whatever consequences may accrue to myself from it, Ishall never regret doing as I have done—never, if I starve or beg inconsequence. What is a little poverty or suffering, to the disgraceof the basest and most inhuman cowardice! I tell you, if I hadstood by, tamely and passively, I should have hated myself, andmerited the contempt of every man in existence. The black-hearted scoundrel!’
With this gentle allusion to the absent Mr Squeers, Nicholasrepressed his rising wrath, and relating to Newman exactly whathad passed at Dotheboys Hall, entreated him to speak out withoutmore pressing. Thus adjured, Mr Noggs took, from an old trunk, asheet of paper, which appeared to have been scrawled over ingreat haste; and after sundry extraordinary demonstrations of reluctance, delivered himself in the following terms.
‘My dear young man, you mustn’t give way to—this sort of thingwill never do, you know—as to getting on in the world, if you takeeverybody’s part that’s ill-treated—Damn it, I am proud to hear ofit; and would have done it myself!’
Newman accompanied this very unusual outbreak with aviolent blow upon the table, as if, in the heat of the moment, hehad mistaken it for the chest or ribs of Mr Wackford Squeers.
Having, by this open declaration of his feelings, quite precludedhimself from offering Nicholas any cautious worldly advice (whichhad been his first intention), Mr Noggs went straight to the point.
‘The day before yesterday,’ said Newman, ‘your uncle receivedthis letter. I took a hasty copy of it, while he was out. Shall I readit?’
‘If you please,’ replied Nicholas. Newman Noggs accordinglyread as follows:
‘Dotheboys Hall,‘Thursday Morning.
‘Sir,‘My pa requests me to write to you, the doctors considering itdoubtful whether he will ever recuvver the use of his legs whichprevents his holding a pen.
‘We are in a state of mind beyond everything, and my pa is onemask of brooses both blue and green likewise two forms aresteepled in his Goar. We were kimpelled to have him carried downinto the kitchen where he now lays. You will judge from this thathe has been brought very low.
‘When your nevew that you recommended for a teacher had done this to my pa and jumped upon his body with his feet andalso langwedge which I will not pollewt my pen with describing,he assaulted my ma with dreadful violence, dashed her to theearth, and drove her back comb several inches into her head. Avery little more and it must have entered her skull. We have amedical certifiket that if it had, the tortershell would have affectedthe brain.
‘Me and my brother were then the victims of his feury sincewhich we have suffered very much which leads us to the arrowingbelief that we have received some injury in our insides, especiallyas no marks of violence are visible externally. I am screaming outloud all the time I write and so is my brother which takes off myattention rather and I hope will excuse mistakes.
‘The monster having sasiated his thirst for blood ran away,taking with him a boy of desperate caracter that he had excited torebellyon, and a garnet ring belonging to my ma, and not havingbeen apprehended by the constables is supposed to have beentook up by some stage-coach. My pa begs that if he comes to youthe ring may be returned, and that you will let the thief andassassin go, as if we prosecuted him he would only be transported,and if he is let go he is sure to be hung before long which will saveus trouble and be much more satisfactory. Hoping to hear fromyou when convenient‘I remain ‘Yours and cetrer‘FANNY SQUEERS.
‘P.S. I pity his ignorance and despise him.’
A profound silence succeeded to the reading of this choiceepistle, during which Newman Noggs, as he folded it up, gazed with a kind of grotesque pity at the boy of desperate charactertherein referred to; who, having no more distinct perception of thematter in hand, than that he had been the unfortunate cause ofheaping trouble and falsehood upon Nicholas, sat mute anddispirited, with a most woe-begone and heart-stricken look.
‘Mr Noggs,’ said Nicholas, after a few moments’ reflection, ‘Imust go out at once.’
‘Go out!’ cried Newman.
‘Yes,’ said Nicholas, ‘to Golden Square. Nobody who knows mewould believe this story of the ring; but it may suit the purpose, orgratify the hatred of Mr Ralph Nickleby to feign to attach credenceto it. It is due—not to him, but to myself—that I should state thetruth; and moreover, I have a word or two to exchange with him,which will not keep cool.’
‘They must,’ said Newman.
‘They must not, indeed,’ rejoined Nicholas firmly, as heprepared to leave the house.
‘Hear me speak,’ said Newman, planting himself before hisimpetuous young friend. ‘He is not there. He is away from town.
He will not be back for three days; and I know that letter will notbe answered before he returns.’
‘Are you sure of this?’ asked Nicholas, chafing violently, andpacing the narrow room with rapid strides.
‘Quite,’ rejoined Newman. ‘He had hardly read it when he wascalled away. Its contents are known to nobody but himself and us.’
‘Are you certain?’ demanded Nicholas, precipitately; ‘not evento my mother or sister? If I thought that they—I will go there—Imust see them. Which is the way? Where is it?’
‘Now, be advised by me,’ said Newman, speaking for the moment, in his earnestness, like any other man—’ make no effortto see even them, till he comes home. I know the man. Do notseem to have been tampering with anybody. When he returns, gostraight to him, and speak as boldly as you like. Guessing at thereal truth, he knows it as well as you or I. Trust him for that.’
‘You mean well to me, and should know him better than I can,’
replied Nicholas, after some consideration. ‘Well; let it be so.’
Newman, who had stood during the foregoing conversationwith his back planted against the door, ready to oppose any egressfrom the apartment by force, if necessary, resumed his seat withmuch satisfaction; and as the water in the kettle was by this timeboiling, made a glassful of spirits and water for Nicholas, and acracked mug-full for the joint accommodation of himself andSmike, of which the two partook in great harmony, while Nicholas,leaning his head upon his hand, remained buried in melancholymeditation.
Meanwhile, the company below stairs, after listening attentivelyand not hearing any noise which would justify them in interferingfor the gratification of their curiosity, returned to the chamber ofthe Kenwigses, and employed themselves in hazarding a greatvariety of conjectures relative to the cause of Mr Noggs’ suddendisappearance and detention.
‘Lor, I’ll tell you what,’ said Mrs Kenwigs. ‘Suppose it should bean express sent up to say that his property has all come backagain!’
‘Dear me,’ said Mr Kenwigs; ‘it’s not impossible. Perhaps, inthat case, we’d better send up and ask if he won’t take a little morepunch.’
‘Kenwigs!’ said Mr Lillyvick, in a loud voice, ‘I’m surprised at you.’
‘What’s the matter, sir?’ asked Mr Kenwigs, with becomingsubmission to the collector of water-rates.
‘Making such a remark as that, sir,’ replied Mr Lillyvick,angrily. ‘He has had punch already, has he not, sir? I consider theway in which that punch was cut off, if I may use the expression,highly disrespectful to this company; scandalous, perfectlyscandalous. It may be the custom to allow such things in thishouse, but it’s not the kind of behaviour that I’ve been used to seedisplayed, and so I don’t mind telling you, Kenwigs. A gentlemanhas a glass of punch before him to which he is just about to set hislips, when another gentleman comes and collars that glass ofpunch, without a “with your leave”, or “by your leave”, and carriesthat glass of punch away. This may be good manners—I dare say itis—but I don’t understand it, that’s all; and what’s more, I don’tcare if I never do. It’s my way to speak my mind, Kenwigs, andthat is my mind; and if you don’t like it, it’s past my regular timefor going to bed, and I can find my way home without making itlater.’
Here was an untoward event! The collector had sat swellingand fuming in offended dignity for some minutes, and had nowfairly burst out. The great man—the rich relation—the unmarrieduncle—who had it in his power to make Morleena an heiress, andthe very baby a legatee—was offended. Gracious Powers, wherewas this to end!
‘I am very sorry, sir,’ said Mr Kenwigs, humbly.
‘Don’t tell me you’re sorry,’ retorted Mr Lillyvick, with muchsharpness. ‘You should have prevented it, then.’
The company were quite paralysed by this domestic crash. The back-parlour sat with her mouth wide open, staring vacantly at thecollector, in a stupor of dismay; the other guests were scarcely lessoverpowered by the great man’s irritation. Mr Kenwigs, not beingskilful in such matters, only fanned the flame in attempting toextinguish it.
‘I didn’t think of it, I am sure, sir,’ said that gentleman. ‘I didn’tsuppose that such a little thing as a glass of punch would have putyou out of temper.’
‘Out of temper! What the devil do you mean by that piece ofimpertinence, Mr Kenwigs?’ said the collector. ‘Morleena, child—give me my hat.’
‘Oh, you’re not going, Mr Lillyvick, sir,’ interposed MissPetowker, with her most bewitching smile.
But still Mr Lillyvick, regardless of the siren, cried obdurately,‘Morleena, my hat!’ upon the fourth repetition of which demand,Mrs Kenwigs sunk back in her chair, with a cry that might havesoftened a water-butt, not to say a water-collector; while the fourlittle girls (privately instructed to that effect) clasped their uncle’sdrab shorts in their arms, and prayed him, in imperfect English, toremain.
‘Why should I stop here, my dears?’ said Mr Lillyvick; ‘I’m notwanted here.’
‘Oh, do not speak so cruelly, uncle,’ sobbed Mrs Kenwigs,’unless you wish to kill me.’
‘I shouldn’t wonder if some people were to say I did,’ replied MrLillyvick, glancing angrily at Kenwigs. ‘Out of temper!’
‘Oh! I cannot bear to see him look so, at my husband,’ cried MrsKenwigs. ‘It’s so dreadful in families. Oh!’
‘Mr Lillyvick,’ said Kenwigs, ‘I hope, for the sake of your niece, that you won’t object to be reconciled.’
The collector’s features relaxed, as the company added theirentreaties to those of his nephew-in-law. He gave up his hat, andheld out his hand.
‘There, Kenwigs,’ said Mr Lillyvick; ‘and let me tell you, at thesame time, to show you how much out of temper I was, that if Ihad gone away without another word, it would have made nodifference respecting that pound or two which I shall leave amongyour children when I die.’
‘Morleena Kenwigs,’ cried her mother, in a torrent of affection.
‘Go down upon your knees to your dear uncle, and beg him to loveyou all his life through, for he’s more a angel than a man, and I’vealways said so.’
Miss Morleena approaching to do homage, in compliance withthis injunction, was summarily caught up and kissed by MrLillyvick; and thereupon Mrs Kenwigs darted forward and kissedthe collector, and an irrepressible murmur of applause broke fromthe company who had witnessed his magnanimity.
The worthy gentleman then became once more the life and soulof the society; being again reinstated in his old post of lion, fromwhich high station the temporary distraction of their thoughts hadfor a moment dispossessed him. Quadruped lions are said to besavage, only when they are hungry; biped lions are rarely sulkylonger than when their appetite for distinction remainsunappeased. Mr Lillyvick stood higher than ever; for he hadshown his power; hinted at his property and testamentaryintentions; gained great credit for disinterestedness and virtue;and, in addition to all, was finally accommodated with a muchlarger tumbler of punch than that which Newman Noggs had so feloniously made off with.
‘I say! I beg everybody’s pardon for intruding again,’ saidCrowl, looking in at this happy juncture; ‘but what a queerbusiness this is, isn’t it? Noggs has lived in this house, now goingon for five years, and nobody has ever been to see him before,within the memory of the oldest inhabitant.’
‘It’s a strange time of night to be called away, sir, certainly,’ saidthe collector; ‘and the behaviour of Mr Noggs himself, is, to say theleast of it, mysterious.’
‘Well, so it is,’ rejoined Growl; ‘and I’ll tell you what’s more—Ithink these two geniuses, whoever they are, have run away fromsomewhere.’
‘What makes you think that, sir?’ demanded the collector, whoseemed, by a tacit understanding, to have been chosen and electedmouthpiece to the company. ‘You have no reason to suppose thatthey have run away from anywhere without paying the rates andtaxes due, I hope?’
Mr Crowl, with a look of some contempt, was about to enter ageneral protest against the payment of rates or taxes, under anycircumstances, when he was checked by a timely whisper fromKenwigs, and several frowns and winks from Mrs K., whichprovidentially stopped him.
‘Why the fact is,’ said Crowl, who had been listening atNewman’s door with all his might and main; ‘the fact is, that theyhave been talking so loud, that they quite disturbed me in myroom, and so I couldn’t help catching a word here, and a wordthere; and all I heard, certainly seemed to refer to their havingbolted from some place or other. I don’t wish to alarm MrsKenwigs; but I hope they haven’t come from any jail or hospital, and brought away a fever or some unpleasantness of that sort,which might be catching for the children.’
Mrs Kenwigs was so overpowered by this supposition, that itneeded all the tender attentions of Miss Petowker, of the TheatreRoyal, Drury Lane, to restore her to anything like a state ofcalmness; not to mention the assiduity of Mr Kenwigs, who held afat smelling-bottle to his lady’s nose, until it became matter ofsome doubt whether the tears which coursed down her face werethe result of feelings or sal volatile.
The ladies, having expressed their sympathy, singly andseparately, fell, according to custom, into a little chorus of soothingexpressions, among which, such condolences as ‘Poor dear!’—‘Ishould feel just the same, if I was her’—‘To be sure, it’s a verytrying thing’—and—‘Nobody but a mother knows what a mother’sfeelings is,’ were among the most prominent, and most frequentlyrepeated. In short, the opinion of the company was so clearlymanifested, that Mr Kenwigs was on the point of repairing to MrNoggs’s room, to demand an explanation, and had indeedswallowed a preparatory glass of punch, with great inflexibilityand steadiness of purpose, when the attention of all present wasdiverted by a new and terrible surprise.
This was nothing less than the sudden pouring forth of a rapidsuccession of the shrillest and most piercing screams, from anupper story; and to all appearance from the very two-pair back, inwhich the infant Kenwigs was at that moment enshrined. Theywere no sooner audible, than Mrs Kenwigs, opining that a strangecat had come in, and sucked the baby’s breath while the girl wasasleep, made for the door, wringing her hands, and shriekingdismally; to the great consternation and confusion of the company.
‘Mr Kenwigs, see what it is; make haste!’ cried the sister, layingviolent hands upon Mrs Kenwigs, and holding her back by force.
‘Oh don’t twist about so, dear, or I can never hold you.’
‘My baby, my blessed, blessed, blessed, blessed baby!’ screamedMrs Kenwigs, making every blessed louder than the last. ‘My owndarling, sweet, innocent Lillyvick—Oh let me go to him. Let mego-o-o-o!’
Pending the utterance of these frantic cries, and the wails andlamentations of the four little girls, Mr Kenwigs rushed upstairs tothe room whence the sounds proceeded; at the door of which, heencountered Nicholas, with the child in his arms, who darted outwith such violence, that the anxious father was thrown down sixstairs, and alighted on the nearest landing-place, before he hadfound time to open his mouth to ask what was the matter.
‘Don’t be alarmed,’ cried Nicholas, running down; ‘here it is; it’sall out, it’s all over; pray compose yourselves; there’s no harmdone;’ and with these, and a thousand other assurances, hedelivered the baby (whom, in his hurry, he had carried upsidedown), to Mrs Kenwigs, and ran back to assist Mr Kenwigs, whowas rubbing his head very hard, and looking much bewildered byhis tumble.
Reassured by this cheering intelligence, the company in somedegree recovered from their fears, which had been productive ofsome most singular instances of a total want of presence of mind;thus, the bachelor friend had, for a long time, supported in hisarms Mrs Kenwigs’s sister, instead of Mrs Kenwigs; and theworthy Mr Lillyvick had been actually seen, in the perturbation ofhis spirits, to kiss Miss Petowker several times, behind the room-door, as calmly as if nothing distressing were going forward.
‘It is a mere nothing,’ said Nicholas, returning to Mrs Kenwigs;‘the little girl, who was watching the child, being tired I suppose,fell asleep, and set her hair on fire.’
‘Oh you malicious little wretch!’ cried Mrs Kenwigs,impressively shaking her forefinger at the small unfortunate, whomight be thirteen years old, and was looking on with a singed headand a frightened face.
‘I heard her cries,’ continued Nicholas, ‘and ran down, in timeto prevent her setting fire to anything else. You may depend uponit that the child is not hurt; for I took it off the bed myself, andbrought it here to convince you.’
This brief explanation over, the infant, who, as he waschristened after the collector! rejoiced in the names of LillyvickKenwigs, was partially suffocated under the caresses of theaudience, and squeezed to his mother’s bosom, until he roaredagain. The attention of the company was then directed, by anatural transition, to the little girl who had had the audacity toburn her hair off, and who, after receiving sundry small slaps andpushes from the more energetic of the ladies, was mercifully senthome: the ninepence, with which she was to have been rewarded,being escheated to the Kenwigs family.
‘And whatever we are to say to you, sir,’ exclaimed MrsKenwigs, addressing young Lillyvick’s deliverer, ‘I am sure I don’tknow.’
‘You need say nothing at all,’ replied Nicholas. ‘I have donenothing to found any very strong claim upon your eloquence, I amsure.’
‘He might have been burnt to death, if it hadn’t been for you,sir,’ simpered Miss Petowker.
‘Not very likely, I think,’ replied Nicholas; ‘for there wasabundance of assistance here, which must have reached himbefore he had been in any danger.’
‘You will let us drink your health, anyways, sir!’ said MrKenwigs motioning towards the table.
‘—In my absence, by all means,’ rejoined Nicholas, with a smile.
‘I have had a very fatiguing journey, and should be mostindifferent company—a far greater check upon your merriment,than a promoter of it, even if I kept awake, which I think verydoubtful. If you will allow me, I’ll return to my friend, Mr Noggs,who went upstairs again, when he found nothing serious hadoccurred. Good-night.’
Excusing himself, in these terms, from joining in the festivities,Nicholas took a most winning farewell of Mrs Kenwigs and theother ladies, and retired, after making a very extraordinaryimpression upon the company.
‘What a delightful young man!’ cried Mrs Kenwigs.
‘Uncommon gentlemanly, really,’ said Mr Kenwigs. ‘Don’t youthink so, Mr Lillyvick?’
‘Yes,’ said the collector, with a dubious shrug of his shoulders,‘He is gentlemanly, very gentlemanly—in appearance.’
‘I hope you don’t see anything against him, uncle?’ inquiredMrs Kenwigs.
‘No, my dear,’ replied the collector, ‘no. I trust he may not turnout—well—no matter—my love to you, my dear, and long life tothe baby!’
‘Your namesake,’ said Mrs Kenwigs, with a sweet smile.
‘And I hope a worthy namesake,’ observed Mr Kenwigs, willingto propitiate the collector. ‘I hope a baby as will never disgrace his godfather, and as may be considered, in arter years, of a piece withthe Lillyvicks whose name he bears. I do say—and Mrs Kenwigs isof the same sentiment, and feels it as strong as I do—that Iconsider his being called Lillyvick one of the greatest blessingsand Honours of my existence.’
‘THE greatest blessing, Kenwigs,’ murmured his lady.
‘THE greatest blessing,’ said Mr Kenwigs, correcting himself. ‘Ablessing that I hope, one of these days, I may be able to deserve.’
This was a politic stroke of the Kenwigses, because it made MrLillyvick the great head and fountain of the baby’s importance.
The good gentleman felt the delicacy and dexterity of the touch,and at once proposed the health of the gentleman, name unknown,who had signalised himself, that night, by his coolness andalacrity.
‘Who, I don’t mind saying,’ observed Mr Lillyvick, as a greatconcession, ‘is a good-looking young man enough, with mannersthat I hope his character may be equal to.’
‘He has a very nice face and style, really,’ said Mrs Kenwigs.
‘He certainly has,’ added Miss Petowker. ‘There’s something inhis appearance quite—dear, dear, what’s that word again?’
‘What word?’ inquired Mr Lillyvick.
‘Why—dear me, how stupid I am,’ replied Miss Petowker,hesitating. ‘What do you call it, when Lords break off door-knockers and beat policemen, and play at coaches with otherpeople’s money, and all that sort of thing?’
‘Aristocratic?’ suggested the collector.
‘Ah! aristocratic,’ replied Miss Petowker; ‘something veryaristocratic about him, isn’t there?’
The gentleman held their peace, and smiled at each other, as who should say, ‘Well! there’s no accounting for tastes;’ but theladies resolved unanimously that Nicholas had an aristocratic air;and nobody caring to dispute the position, it was establishedtriumphantly.
The punch being, by this time, drunk out, and the littleKenwigses (who had for some time previously held their little eyesopen with their little forefingers) becoming fractious, andrequesting rather urgently to be put to bed, the collector made amove by pulling out his watch, and acquainting the company thatit was nigh two o’clock; whereat some of the guests were surprisedand others shocked, and hats and bonnets being groped for underthe tables, and in course of time found, their owners went away,after a vast deal of shaking of hands, and many remarks how theyhad never spent such a delightful evening, and how theymarvelled to find it so late, expecting to have heard that it washalf-past ten at the very latest, and how they wished that Mr andMrs Kenwigs had a wedding-day once a week, and how theywondered by what hidden agency Mrs Kenwigs could possiblyhave managed so well; and a great deal more of the same kind. Toall of which flattering expressions, Mr and Mrs Kenwigs replied,by thanking every lady and gentleman, seriatim, for the favour oftheir company, and hoping they might have enjoyed themselvesonly half as well as they said they had.
As to Nicholas, quite unconscious of the impression he hadproduced, he had long since fallen asleep, leaving Mr NewmanNoggs and Smike to empty the spirit bottle between them; andthis office they performed with such extreme good-will, thatNewman was equally at a loss to determine whether he himselfwas quite sober, and whether he had ever seen any gentleman so heavily, drowsily, and completely intoxicated as his newacquaintance.
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