Begin the year with an unexpected promotion at the office. I maketwo good jokes. I get an enormous rise in my salary. Lupin speculatessuccessfully and starts a pony-trap. Have to speak to Sarah.
Extraordinary conduct of Gowing's.
January 1. - I had intended concluding my diary last week; but a mostimportant event has happened, so I shall continue for a little while longeron the fly-leaves attached to the end of my last year's diary. It had juststruck half-past one, and I was on the point of leaving the office to havemy dinner, when I received a message that Mr. Perkupp desired to see meat once. I must confess that my heart commenced to beat and I had mostserious misgivings.
Mr. Perkupp was in his room writing, and he said: "Take a seat, Mr.
Pooter, I shall not be moment."I replied: "No, thank you, sir; I'll stand."I watched the clock on the mantelpiece, and I was waiting quite twentyminutes; but it seemed hours. Mr. Perkupp at last got up himself.
I said: "I hope there is nothing wrong, sir?"He replied: "Oh dear, no! quite the reverse, I hope." What a weightoff my mind! My breath seemed to come back again in an instant.
Mr. Perkupp said: "Mr. Buckling is going to retire, and there will besome slight changes in the office. You have been with us nearly twenty-one years, and, in consequence of your conduct during that period, weintend making a special promotion in your favour. We have not quitedecided how you will be placed; but in any case there will be aconsiderable increase in your salary, which, it is quite unnecessary for meto say, you fully deserve. I have an appointment at two; but you shallhear more to-morrow."He then left the room quickly, and I was not even allowed time orthought to express a single word of grateful thanks to him. I need not sayhow dear Carrie received this joyful news. With perfect simplicity she said: "At last we shall be able to have a chimney- glass for the backdrawing-room, which we always wanted." I added: "Yes, and at last youshall have that little costume which you saw at Peter Robinson's so cheap."January 2. - I was in a great state of suspense all day at the office.
did not like to worry Mr. Perkupp; but as he did not send for me, andmentioned yesterday that he would see me again to- day, I thought it better,perhaps, to go to him. I knocked at his door, and on entering, Mr.
Perkupp said: "Oh! it's you, Mr. Pooter; do you want to see me?" I said:
"No, sir, I thought you wanted to see me!" "Oh!" he replied, "Iremember. Well, I am very busy to-day; I will see you to-morrow."January 3. - Still in a state of anxiety and excitement, which was notalleviated by ascertaining that Mr. Perkupp sent word he should not be atthe office to-day. In the evening, Lupin, who was busily engaged with apaper, said suddenly to me: "Do you know anything about CHALKPITS, Guv.?" I said: "No, my boy, not that I'm aware of." Lupin said:
"Well, I give you the tip; CHALK PITS are as safe as Consols, and pay sixper cent. at par." I said a rather neat thing, viz.: "They may be six percent. at PAR, but your PA has no money to invest." Carrie and I bothroared with laughter. Lupin did not take the slightest notice of the joke,although I purposely repeated it for him; but continued: "I give you thetip, that's all - CHALK PITS!" I said another funny thing: "Mind youdon't fall into them!" Lupin put on a supercilious smile, and said:
"Bravo! Joe Miller."January 4. -Mr. Perkupp sent for me and told me that my positionwould be that of one of the senior clerks. I was more than overjoyed.
Mr. Perkupp added, he would let me know to-morrow what the salarywould be. This means another day's anxiety; I don't mind, for it isanxiety of the right sort. That reminded me that I had forgotten to speakto Lupin about the letter I received from Mr. Mutlar, senr. I broached thesubject to Lupin in the evening, having first consulted Carrie. Lupin wasriveted to the FINANCIAL NEWS, as if he had been a born capitalist, andI said: "Pardon me a moment, Lupin, how is it you have not been to theMutlars' any day this week?"Lupin answered: "I told you! I cannot stand old Mutlar." I said: "Mr. Mutlar writes to me to say pretty plainly that he cannotstand you!"Lupin said: "Well, I like his cheek in writing to YOU. I'll find outif his father is still alive, and I will write HIM a note complaining of HISson, and I'll state pretty clearly that his son is a blithering idiot!"I said: "Lupin, please moderate your expressions in the presence ofyour mother."Lupin said: "I'm very sorry, but there is no other expression one canapply to him. However, I'm determined not to enter his place again."I said: "You know, Lupin, he has forbidden you the house."Lupin replied: "Well, we won't split straws - it's all the same. Daisyis a trump, and will wait for me ten years, if necessary."January 5. - I can scarcely write the news. Mr. Perkupp told me mysalary would be raised 100 pounds! I stood gaping for a moment unableto realise it. I annually get 10 pounds rise, and I thought it might be 15pounds or even 20 pounds; but 100 pounds surpasses all belief. Carrieand I both rejoiced over our good fortune. Lupin came home in theevening in the utmost good spirits. I sent Sarah quietly round to thegrocer's for a bottle of champagne, the same as we had before, "JacksonFreres." It was opened at supper, and I said to Lupin: "This is tocelebrate some good news I have received to-day." Lupin replied:
"Hooray, Guv.! And I have some good news, also; a double event, eh?"I said: "My boy, as a result of twenty-one years' industry and strictattention to the interests of my superiors in office, I have been rewardedwith promotion and a rise in salary of 100 pounds."Lupin gave three cheers, and we rapped the table furiously, whichbrought in Sarah to see what the matter was. Lupin ordered us to "fillup" again, and addressing us upstanding, said: "Having been in the firmof Job Cleanands, stock and share-brokers, a few weeks, and not havingpaid particular attention to the interests of my superiors in office, myGuv'nor, as a reward to me, allotted me 5 pounds worth of shares in areally good thing. The result is, to- day I have made 200 pounds."said: "Lupin, you are joking." "No, Guv., it's the good old truth; JobCleanands PUT ME ON TO CHLORATES." January 21. - I am very much concerned at Lupin having started apony-trap. I said: "Lupin, are you justified in this outrageousextravagance?" Lupin replied: "Well, one must get to the Citysomehow. I've only hired it, and can give it up any time I like." Irepeated my question: "Are you justified in this extravagance?" Hereplied: "Look here, Guv., excuse me saying so, but you're a bit out ofdate. It does not pay nowadays, fiddling about over small things.
don't mean anything personal, Guv'nor. My boss says if I take his tip,and stick to big things, I can make big money!" I said I thought the veryidea of speculation most horrifying. Lupin said "It is not speculation, it'sa dead cert." I advised him, at all events, not to continue the pony and cart;but he replied: "I made 200 pounds in one day; now suppose I only make200 pounds in a month, or put it at 100 pounds a month, which isridiculously low - why, that is 1,250 pounds a year. What's a few poundsa week for a trap?"I did not pursue the subject further, beyond saying that I should feelglad when the autumn came, and Lupin would be of age and responsiblefor his own debts. He answered: "My dear Guv., I promise youfaithfully that I will never speculate with what I have not got. I shallonly go on Job Cleanands' tips, and as he is in the 'know' it is pretty safesailing." I felt somewhat relieved. Gowing called in the evening and, tomy surprise, informed me that, as he had made 10 pounds by one ofLupin's tips, he intended asking us and the Cummings round next Saturday.
Carrie and I said we should be delighted.
January 22. - I don't generally lose my temper with servants; but I hadto speak to Sarah rather sharply about a careless habit she has recentlycontracted of shaking the table-cloth, after removing the breakfast things,in a manner which causes all the crumbs to fall on the carpet, eventually tobe trodden in. Sarah answered very rudely: "Oh, you are alwayscomplaining." I replied: "Indeed, I am not. I spoke to you last weekabout walking all over the drawing-room carpet with a piece of yellowsoap on the heel of your boot." She said: "And you're alwaysgrumbling about your breakfast." I said: "No, I am not; but I feelperfectly justified in complaining that I never can get a hard-boiled egg.
The moment I crack the shell it spurts all over the plate, and I have spokento you at least fifty times about it." She began to cry and make a scene;but fortunately my 'bus came by, so I had a good excuse for leaving her.
Gowing left a message in the evening, that we were not to forget nextSaturday. Carrie amusingly said: As he has never asked any friendsbefore, we are not likely to forget it.
January 23. - I asked Lupin to try and change the hard brushes, herecently made me a present of, for some softer ones, as my hair- dressertells me I ought not to brush my hair too much just now.
January 24. - The new chimney-glass came home for the backdrawing- room. Carrie arranged some fans very prettily on the top andon each side. It is an immense improvement to the room.
January 25. - We had just finished our tea, when who should come inbut Cummings, who has not been here for over three weeks. I noticedthat he looked anything but well, so I said: "Well, Cummings, how areyou? You look a little blue." He replied: "Yes! and I feel blue too." Isaid: "Why, what's the matter?" He said: "Oh, nothing, except that Ihave been on my back for a couple of weeks, that's all. At one time mydoctor nearly gave me up, yet not a soul has come near me. No one haseven taken the trouble to inquire whether I was alive or dead."I said: "This is the first I have heard of it. I have passed your houseseveral nights, and presumed you had company, as the rooms were sobrilliantly lighted."Cummings replied: "No! The only company I have had was mywife, the doctor, and the landlady - the last-named having turned out aperfect trump. I wonder you did not see it in the paper. I know it wasmentioned in the BICYCLE NEWS."I thought to cheer him up, and said: "Well, you are all right now?"He replied: "That's not the question. The question is whether anillness does not enable you to discover who are your TRUE friends."I said such an observation was unworthy of him. To make mattersworse, in came Gowing, who gave Cummings a violent slap on the back,and said: "Hulloh! Have you seen a ghost? You look scared to death,like Irving in MACBETH." I said: "Gently, Gowing, the poor fellow has been very ill." Gowing roared with laughter and said: "Yes, andyou look it, too." Cummings quietly said: "Yes, and I feel it too - notthat I suppose you care."An awkward silence followed. Gowing said: "Never mind,Cummings, you and the missis come round to my place to-morrow, and itwill cheer you up a bit; for we'll open a bottle of wine."January 26. -An extraordinary thing happened. Carrie and I wentround to Gowing's, as arranged, at half-past seven. We knocked and rangseveral times without getting an answer. At last the latch was drawn andthe door opened a little way, the chain still being up. A man in shirtsleeves put his head through and said: "Who is it? What do you want?"I said: "Mr. Gowing, he is expecting us." The man said (as well as Icould hear, owing to the yapping of a little dog): "I don't think he is.
Mr. Gowing is not at home." I said: "He will be in directly."With that observation he slammed the door, leaving Carrie and mestanding on the steps with a cutting wind blowing round the corner.
Carrie advised me to knock again. I did so, and then discovered forthe first time that the knocker had been newly painted, and the paint hadcome off on my gloves - which were, in consequence, completely spoiled.
I knocked at the door with my stick two or three times.
The man opened the door, taking the chain off this time, and beganabusing me. He said: "What do you mean by scratching the paint withyour stick like that, spoiling the varnish? You ought to be ashamed ofyourself."I said: "Pardon me, Mr. Gowing invited - "He interrupted and said: "I don't care for Mr. Gowing, or any of hisfriends. This is MY door, not Mr. Gowing's. There are people herebesides Mr. Gowing."The impertinence of this man was nothing. I scarcely noticed it, itwas so trivial in comparison with the scandalous conduct of Gowing.
At this moment Cummings and his wife arrived. Cummings wasvery lame and leaning on a stick; but got up the steps and asked what thematter was.
The man said: "Mr. Gowing said nothing about expecting anyone.
All he said was he had just received an invitation to Croydon, and heshould not be back till Monday evening. He took his bag with him."With that he slammed the door again. I was too indignant withGowing's conduct to say anything. Cummings looked white with rage,and as he descended the steps struck his stick violently on the ground andsaid: "Scoundrel!"
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