From the moment when Alexey Alexandrovitch understood from his interviews with Betsy and with Stepan Arkadyevitch that all that was expected of him was to leave his wife in peace, without burdening her with his presence, and that his wife herself desired this, he felt so distraught that he could come to no decision of himself; he did not know himself what he wanted now, and putting himself in the hands of those who were so pleased to interest themselves in his affairs, he met everything with unqualified assent1. It was only when Anna had left his house, and the English governess sent to ask him whether she should dine with him or separately, that for the first time he clearly comprehended his position, and was appalled2 by it. Most difficult of all in this position was the fact that he could not in any way connect and reconcile his past with what was now. It was not the past when he had lived happily with his wife that troubled him. The transition from that past to a knowledge of his wife's unfaithfulness he had lived through miserably3 already; that state was painful, but he could understand it. If his wife had then, on declaring to him her unfaithfulness, left him, he would have been wounded, unhappy, but he would not have been in the hopeless position--incomprehensible to himself--in which he felt himself now. He could not now reconcile his immediate4 past, his tenderness, his love for his sick wife, and for the other man's child with what was now the case, that is with the fact that, as it were, in return for all this he now found himself alone, put to shame, a laughing-stock, needed by no one, and despised by everyone.
For the first two days after his wife's departure Alexey Alexandrovitch received applicants5 for assistance and his chief secretary, drove to the committee, and went down to dinner in the dining room as usual. Without giving himself a reason for what he was doing, he strained every nerve of his being for those two days, simply to preserve an appearance of composure, and even of indifference6. Answering inquiries7 about the disposition8 of Anna Arkadyevna's rooms and belongings9, he had exercised immense self-control to appear like a man in whose eyes what had occurred was not unforeseen nor out of the ordinary course of events, and he attained10 his aim: no one could have detected in him signs of despair. But on the second day after her departure, when Korney gave him a bill from a fashionable draper's shop, which Anna had forgotten to pay, and announced that the clerk from the shop was waiting, Alexey Alexandrovitch told him to show the clerk up.
"Excuse me, your excellency, for venturing to trouble you. But if you direct us to apply to her excellency, would you graciously oblige us with her address?"
Alexey Alexandrovitch pondered, as it seemed to the clerk, and all at once, turning round, he sat down at the table. Letting his head sink into his hands, he sat for a long while in that position, several times attempted to speak and stopped short. Korney, perceiving his master's emotion, asked the clerk to call another time. Left alone, Alexey Alexandrovitch recognized that he had not the strength to keep up the line of firmness and composure any longer. He gave orders for the carriage that was awaiting him to be taken back, and for no one to be admitted, and he did not go down to dinner.
He felt that he could not endure the weight of universal contempt and exasperation11, which he had distinctly seen in the face of the clerk and of Korney, and of everyone, without exception, whom he had met during those two days. He felt that he could not turn aside from himself the hatred12 of men, because that hatred did not come from his being bad (in that case he could have tried to be better), but from his being shamefully13 and repulsively14 unhappy. He knew that for this, for the very fact that his heart was torn with grief, they would be merciless to him. He felt that men would crush him as dogs strangle a torn dog yelping15 with pain. He knew that his sole means of security against people was to hide his wounds from them, and instinctively16 he tried to do this for two days, but now he felt incapable17 of keeping up the unequal struggle.
His despair was even intensified18 by the consciousness that he was utterly19 alone in his sorrow. In all Petersburg there was not a human being to whom he could express what he was feeling, who would feel for him, not as a high official, not as a member of society, but simply as a suffering man; indeed he had not such a one in the whole world.
Alexey Alexandrovitch grew up an orphan20. There were two brothers. They did not remember their father, and their mother died when Alexey Alexandrovitch was ten years old. The property was a small one. Their uncle, Karenin, a government official of high standing21, at one time a favorite of the late Tsar, had brought them up.
On completing his high school and university courses with medals, Alexey Alexandrovitch had, with his uncle's aid, immediately started in a prominent position in the service, and from that time forward he had devoted22 himself exclusively to political ambition. In the high school and the university, and afterwards in the service, Alexey Alexandrovitch had never formed a close friendship with anyone. His brother had been the person nearest to his heart, but he had a post in the Ministry23 of Foreign Affairs, and was always abroad, where he had died shortly after Alexey Alexandrovitch's marriage.
While he was governor of a province, Anna's aunt, a wealthy provincial24 lady, had thrown him--middle-aged as he was, though young for a governor--with her niece, and had succeeded in putting him in such a position that he had either to declare himself or to leave the town. Alexey Alexandrovitch was not long in hesitation25. There were at the time as many reasons for the step as against it, and there was no overbalancing consideration to outweigh26 his invariable rule of abstaining27 when in doubt. But Anna's aunt had through a common acquaintance insinuated28 that he had already compromised the girl, and that he was in honor bound to make her an offer. He made the offer, and concentrated on his betrothed29 and his wife all the feeling of which he was capable.
The attachment30 he felt to Anna precluded31 in his heart every need of intimate relations with others. And now among all his acquaintances he had not one friend. He had plenty of so-called connections, but no friendships. Alexey Alexandrovitch had plenty of people whom he could invite to dinner, to whose sympathy he could appeal in any public affair he was concerned about, whose interest he could reckon upon for anyone he wished to help, with whom he could candidly32 discuss other people's business and affairs of state. But his relations with these people were confined to one clearly defined channel, and had a certain routine from which it was impossible to depart. There was one man, a comrade of his at the university, with whom he had made friends later, and with whom he could have spoken of a personal sorrow; but this friend had a post in the Department of Education in a remote part of Russia. Of the people in Petersburg the most intimate and most possible were his chief secretary and his doctor.
Mihail Vassilievitch Sludin, the chief secretary, was a straightforward33, intelligent, good-hearted, and conscientious34 man, and Alexey Alexandrovitch was aware of his personal goodwill35. But their five years of official work together seemed to have put a barrier between them that cut off warmer relations.
After signing the papers brought him, Alexey Alexandrovitch had sat for a long while in silence, glancing at Mihail Vassilievitch, and several times he attempted to speak, but could not. He had already prepared the phrase: "You have heard of my trouble?" But he ended by saying, as usual: "So you'll get this ready for me?" and with that dismissed him.
The other person was the doctor, who had also a kindly36 feeling for him; but there had long existed a taciturn understanding between them that both were weighed down by work, and always in a hurry.
Of his women friends, foremost amongst them Countess Lidia Ivanovna, Alexey Alexandrovitch never thought. All women, simply as women, were terrible and distasteful to him.
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assent
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| v.批准，认可；n.批准，认可 | |
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appalled
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| v.使惊骇，使充满恐惧( appall的过去式和过去分词)adj.惊骇的；丧胆的 | |
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miserably
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| adv.痛苦地；悲惨地；糟糕地；极度地 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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applicants
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| 申请人，求职人( applicant的名词复数 ) | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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belongings
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| n.私人物品，私人财物 | |
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attained
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的过去式和过去分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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exasperation
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| n.愤慨 | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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shamefully
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| 可耻地； 丢脸地； 不体面地； 羞耻地 | |
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repulsively
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| adv.冷淡地 | |
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yelping
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| v.发出短而尖的叫声( yelp的现在分词 ) | |
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instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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intensified
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| v.（使）增强， （使）加剧( intensify的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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orphan
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| n.孤儿；adj.无父母的 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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ministry
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| n.(政府的)部；牧师 | |
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provincial
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| adj.省的，地方的；n．外省人，乡下人 | |
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hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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outweigh
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| vt.比...更重，...更重要 | |
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abstaining
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| 戒（尤指酒），戒除( abstain的现在分词 )； 弃权（不投票） | |
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insinuated
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| v.暗示( insinuate的过去式和过去分词 )；巧妙或迂回地潜入；（使）缓慢进入；慢慢伸入 | |
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betrothed
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| n. 已订婚者 动词betroth的过去式和过去分词 | |
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attachment
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| n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附 | |
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precluded
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| v.阻止( preclude的过去式和过去分词 )；排除；妨碍；使…行不通 | |
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candidly
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| adv.坦率地，直率而诚恳地 | |
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straightforward
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| adj.正直的，坦率的；易懂的，简单的 | |
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conscientious
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| adj.审慎正直的，认真的，本着良心的 | |
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goodwill
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| n.善意，亲善，信誉，声誉 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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