It was a paper on the boys who have been undone1 by reading pernicious fiction. It gave their names, and the number of pistols they had bought, and what the judge said when he pronounced sentence. It counted the sensational2 tales found beneath the bed, and described the desolation of the mothers and sisters. It told the color of the father's hair before and afterwards.
Tommy flung the thing from him, picked it up again, and read on uneasily, and when at last he rose he was shrinking from himself. In hopes that he might sleep it off he went early to bed, but his contrition3 was still with him in the morning. Then Elspeth was shown the article which had saved him, and she, too, shuddered4 at what she had been, though her remorse5 was but a poor display beside his, he was so much better at everything than Elspeth. Tommy's distress6 of mind was so genuine and so keen that it had several hours' start of his admiration7 of it; and it was still sincere, though he himself had become gloomy, when he told his followers8 that they were no more. Grizel heard his tale with disdain9, and said she hated Miss Ailie for giving him the silly book, but he reproved these unchristian sentiments, while admitting that Miss Ailie had played on him a scurvy10 trick.
"Ay, I'm glad," he answered, without heartiness13.
"You'll be happier," replied Tommy, sourly.
"Ay, to be good's the great thing," Corp growled14; "but, Tommy, could we no have just one michty blatter, methinks, to end up wi'?"
This, of course, could not be, and Saturday forenoon found Tommy wandering the streets listlessly, very happy, you know, but inclined to kick at any one who came near, such, for instance, as the stranger who asked him in the square if he could point out the abode15 of Miss Ailie Cray.
Tommy led the way, casting some converted looks at the gentleman, and judging him to be the mysterious unknown in whom the late Captain Stroke had taken such a reprehensible17 interest. He was a stout18, red-faced man, stepping firmly into the fifties, with a beard that even the most converted must envy, and a frown sat on his brows all the way, proving him possibly ill-tempered, but also one of the notable few who can think hard about one thing for at least five consecutive19 minutes. Many took a glint at him as he passed, but missed the frown, they were wondering so much why the fur of his heavy top-coat was on the inside, where it made little show, save at blasty corners.
Miss Ailie was in her parlor20, trying to give her mind to a blue and white note-book, but when she saw who was coming up the garden she dropped the little volume and tottered21 to her bedroom. She was there when Gavinia came up to announce that she had shown a gentleman into the blue-and-white room, who gave the name of Ivie McLean. "Tell him—I shall come down—presently," gasped22 Miss Ailie, and then Gavinia was sure this was the man who was making her mistress so unhappy.
"She's so easily flichtered now," Gavinia told Tommy in the kitchen, "that for fear o' starting her I never whistle at my work without telling her I'm to do't, and if I fall on the stair, my first thought is to jump up and cry, 'It was just me tum'ling.' And now I believe this brute'll be the death o' her."
"But what can he do to her?"
"I dinna ken16, but she's greeting sair, and yon can hear how he's rampaging up and down the blue-and-white room. Listen to his thrawn feet! He's raging because she's so long in coming down, and come she daurna. Oh, the poor crittur!"
Now, Tommy was very fond of his old school-mistress, and he began to be unhappy with Gavinia.
"Has she no?" cried Tommy, fiercely, and under one of the impulses that so easily mastered him he marched into the blue-and-white room.
"Well, my young friend, and what may you want?" asked Mr. McLean, impatiently.
Tommy sat down and folded his arms. "I'm going to sit here and see what you do to Miss Ailie," he said, determinedly24.
Mr. McLean said "Oh!" and then seemed favorably impressed, for he added quietly: "She is a friend of yours, is she? Well, I have no intention of hurting her."
"Did she send you here?"
"No; I came mysel'."
"To protect her?"
There was the irony26 in it that so puts up a boy's dander. "Dinna think," said Tommy, hotly, "that I'm fleid at you, though I have no beard—at least, I hinna it wi' me."
At this unexpected conclusion a smile crossed Mr. McLean's face, but was gone in an instant. "I wish you had laughed," said Tommy, on the watch; "once a body laughs he canna be angry no more," which was pretty good even for Tommy. It made Mr. McLean ask him why he was so fond of Miss Ailie.
"I'm the only man-body she has," he answered.
"Oh? But why are you her man-body?"
The boy could think of no better reason than this: "Because—because she's so sair in need o' are." (There were moments when one liked Tommy.)
Mr. McLean turned to the window, and perhaps forgot that he was not alone. "Well, what are you thinking about so deeply?" he asked by and by.
"I was trying to think o' something that would gar you laugh," answered Tommy, very earnestly, and was surprised to see that he had nearly done it.
The blue and white note-book was lying on the floor where Miss Ailie had dropped it. Often in Tommy's presence she had consulted this work, and certainly its effect on her was the reverse of laughter; but once he had seen Dr. McQueen pick it up and roar over every page. With an inspiration Tommy handed the book to Mr. McLean. "It made the doctor laugh," he said persuasively27.
"Go away," said Ivie, impatiently; "I am in no mood for laughing."
"I tell you what," answered Tommy, "I'll go, if you promise to look at it," and to be rid of him the man agreed. For the next quarter of an hour Tommy and Gavinia were very near the door of the blue-and-white room, Tommy whispering dejectedly, "I hear no laughing," and Gavinia replying, "But he has quieted down."
Mr. McLean had a right to be very angry, but God only can say whether he had a right to be as angry as he was. The book had been handed to him open, and he was laying it down unread when a word underlined caught his eye. It was his own name. Nothing in all literature arrests our attention quite so much as that. He sat down to the book. It was just about this time that Miss Ailie went on her knees to pray.
It was only a penny pass-book. On its blue cover had been pasted a slip of white paper, and on the paper was written, in blue ink, "Alison Cray," with a date nearly nine years old. The contents were in Miss Ailie's prim28 handwriting; jottings for her own use begun about the time when the sisters, trembling at their audacity29, had opened school, and consulted and added to fitfully ever since. Hours must have been spent in erasing30 the blots31 and other blemishes32 so carefully. The tiny volume was not yet full, and between its two last written pages lay a piece of blue blotting-paper neatly33 cut to the size of the leaf.
Some of these notes were transcripts34 from books, some contained the advice of friends, others were doubtless the result of talks with Miss Kitty (from whom there were signs that the work had been kept a secret), many were Miss Ailie's own. An entry of this kind was frequent: "If you are uncertain of the answer to a question in arithmetic, it is advisable to leave the room on some pretext35 and work out the sum swiftly in the passage." Various pretexts36 were suggested, and this one (which had an insufficient37 line through it) had been inserted by Dr. McQueen on that day when Tommy saw him chuckling38, "You pretend that your nose is bleeding and putting your handkerchief to it, retire hastily, the supposition being that you have gone to put the key of the blue-and-white room down your back." Evidently these small deceptions39 troubled Miss Ailie, for she had written, "Such subterfuge40 is, I hope, pardonable, the object being the maintenance of scholastic41 discipline." On another page, where the arithmetic was again troubling her, this appeared: "If Kitty were aware that the squealing42 of the slate43-pencils gave me such headaches, she would insist on again taking the arithmetic class, though it always makes her ill. Surely, then, I am justified44 in saying that the sound does not distress me." To this the doctor had added, "You are a brick."
There were two pages headed NEVER, which mentioned ten things that Miss Ailie must never do; among them, "Never let the big boys know you are afraid of them. To awe45 them, stamp with the foot, speak in a loud ferocious46 voice, and look them unflinchingly in the face."
"Punishments" was another heading, but she had written it small, as if to prevent herself seeing it each time she opened the book. Obviously her hope had been to dispose of Punishment in a few lines, but it would have none of that, and Mr. McLean found it stalking from page to page. Miss Ailie favored the cane47 in preference to tawse, which, "often flap round your neck as yon are about to bring them down." Except in desperate cases "it will probably be found sufficient to order the offender48 to bring the cane to you." Then followed a note about rubbing the culprit's hand "with sweet butter or dripping" should you have struck too hard.
Dispiriting item, that on resuming his seat the chastised49 one is a hero to his fellows for the rest of the day. Item, that Master John James Rattray knows she hurts her own hand more than his. Item, that John James promised to be good throughout the session if she would let him thrash the bad ones. Item, that Master T. Sandys, himself under correction, explained to her (the artistic50 instinct again) how to give the cane a waggle when descending51, which would double its nip. Item, that Elsie Dundas offered to receive Francie Crabb's punishment for two snaps. Item, that Master Gavin Dishart, for what he considered the honor of his school, though aware he was imperilling his soul, fought Hendry Dickie of Cathro's for saying Miss Ailie could not draw blood with one stroke.
The effect on Miss Ailie of these mortifying53 discoveries could be read in the paragraph headed A MOTHER'S METHOD, which was copied from a newspaper. Mrs. E——, it seems, was the mother of four boys (residing at D——), and she subjected them frequently to corporal chastisement54 without permanent spiritual result. Mrs. E——, by the advice of another lady, Mrs. K—— (mother of six), then had recourse to the following interesting experiment. Instead of punishing her children physically55 when they misbehaved, she now in their presence wounded herself by striking her left hand severely56 with a ruler held in the right. Soon their better natures were touched, and the four implored57 her to desist, promising58 with tears never to offend again. From that hour Mrs. E—— had little trouble with her boys.
It was recorded in the blue and white book how Miss Ailie gave this plan a fair trial, but her boys must have been darker characters than Mrs. E——'s, for it merely set them to watching each other, so that they might cry out, "Pandy yourself quick, Miss Ailie; Gavin Dishart's drawing the devil on his slate." Nevertheless, when Miss Ailie announced a return to more conventional methods, Francie was put up (with threats) to say that he suffered agonies of remorse every time she pandied herself for him, but the thing had been organized in a hurry and Francie was insufficiently59 primed, and on cross-examination he let out that he thought remorse was a swelling60 of the hands.
Miss Ailie was very humble-minded, and her entries under THE TEACHER TAUGHT were all admonitions for herself. Thus she chided herself for cowardice61 because "Delicate private reasons have made me avoid all mention of India in the geography classes. Kitty says quite calmly that this is fair neither to our pupils nor to I—— M——. The courage of Kitty in this matter is a constant rebuke62 to me." Except on a few occasions Mr. McLean found that he was always referred to as I—— M——.
Quite early in the volume Miss Ailie knew that her sister's hold on life was loosening. "How bright the world suddenly seems," Mr. McLean read, "when there is the tiniest improvement in the health of an invalid63 one loves." Is it laughable that such a note as this is appended to a recipe for beef-tea? "It is surely not very wicked to pretend to Kitty that I keep some of it for myself; she would not take it all if she knew I dined on the beef it was made from." Other entries showed too plainly that Miss Ailie stinted64 herself of food to provide delicacies65 for Miss Kitty. No doubt her expenses were alarming her when she wrote this: "An interesting article in the Mentor66 says that nearly all of us eat and drink too much. Were we to mortify52 our stomachs we should be healthier animals and more capable of sustained thought. The word animal in this connection is coarse, but the article is most impressive, and a crushing reply to Dr. McQueen's assertion that the editor drinks. In the school-room I have frequently found my thoughts of late wandering from classwork, and I hastily ascribed it to sitting up during the night with Kitty or to my habit of listening lest she should be calling for me. Probably I had over-eaten, and I must mortify the stomach. A glass of hot water with half a spoonful of sugar in it is highly recommended as a light supper."
"How long ago it may seem since yesterday!" Do you need to be told on what dark day Miss Ailie discovered that? "I used to pray that I should be taken first, but I was both impious and selfish, for how could fragile Kitty have fought on alone?"
In time happiness again returned to Miss Ailie; of all our friends it is the one most reluctant to leave us on this side of the grave. It came at first disguised, in the form of duties, old and new; and stealthily, when Miss Ailie was not looking, it mixed with the small worries and joys that had been events while Miss Kitty lived, and these it converted once more into events, where Miss Ailie found it lurking67, and at first she would not take it back to her heart, but it crept in without her knowing. And still there were I—— M——'s letters. "They are all I have to look forward to," she wrote in self-defence. "I shall never write to I—— M—— again," was another entry, but Mr. McLean found on the same page, "I have written to I—— M——, but do not intend posting it," and beneath that was, "God forgive me, I have posted it."
The troubles with arithmetic were becoming more terrible. "I am never really sure about the decimals," she wrote.
A Professor of Memory had appeared at the Muckley, and Miss Ailie admits having given him half-a-crown to explain his system to her. But when he was gone she could not remember whether you multiplied everything by ten before dividing by five and subtracting a hundred, or began by dividing and doing something underhand with the cube root. Then Mr. Dishart, who had a microscope, wanted his boy to be taught science, and several experiments were described at length in the book, one of them dealing68 with a penny, H, and a piston69, X Y, and you do things to the piston "and then the penny comes to the surface." "But it never does," Miss Ailie wrote sorrowfully; perhaps she was glad when Master Dishart was sent to another school.
"Though I teach the girls the pianoforte I find that I cannot stretch my fingers as I used to do. Kitty used to take the music, and I often remember this suddenly when superintending a lesson. It is a pain to me that so many wish to acquire 'The Land o' the Leal,' which Kitty sang so often to I—— M—— at Magenta70 Cottage."
Even the French, of which Miss Ailie had once been very proud, was slipping from her. "Kitty and I kept up our French by translating I—— M——'s letters and comparing our versions, but now that this stimulus71 is taken away I find that I am forgetting my French. Or is it only that I am growing old? too old to keep school?" This dread72 was beginning to haunt Miss Ailie, and the pages between which the blotting-paper lay revealed that she had written to the editor of the Mentor asking up to what age he thought a needy73 gentlewoman had a right to teach. The answer was not given, but her comment on it told everything. "I asked him to be severely truthful74, so that I cannot resent his reply. But if I take his advice, how am I to live? And if I do not take it, I fear I am but a stumbling-block in the way of true education."
That is a summary of what Mr. McLean read in the blue and white book; remember, you were warned not to expect much. And Tommy and Gavinia listened, and Tommy said, "I hear no laughing," and Gavinia answered, "But he has quieted down," and upstairs Miss Ailie was on her knees. A time came when Mr. McLean could find something to laugh at in that little pass-book, but it was not then, not even when he reached the end. He left something on the last page instead. At least I think it must have been he: Miss Ailie's tears could not have been so long a-drying.
You may rise, now, Miss Ailie; your prayer is granted.
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1
undone
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| a.未做完的，未完成的 | |
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sensational
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| adj.使人感动的，非常好的，轰动的，耸人听闻的 | |
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contrition
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| n.悔罪，痛悔 | |
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shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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followers
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| 追随者( follower的名词复数 )； 用户； 契据的附面； 从动件 | |
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disdain
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| n.鄙视，轻视；v.轻视，鄙视，不屑 | |
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scurvy
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| adj.下流的，卑鄙的，无礼的；n.坏血病 | |
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repented
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| 对（自己的所为）感到懊悔或忏悔( repent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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repent
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| v.悔悟，悔改，忏悔，后悔 | |
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heartiness
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| 诚实，热心 | |
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growled
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| v.（动物）发狺狺声， （雷）作隆隆声( growl的过去式和过去分词 )；低声咆哮着说 | |
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abode
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| n.住处，住所 | |
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ken
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| n.视野，知识领域 | |
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reprehensible
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consecutive
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| adj.连续的，联贯的，始终一贯的 | |
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parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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tottered
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| v.走得或动得不稳( totter的过去式和过去分词 )；踉跄；蹒跚；摇摇欲坠 | |
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gasped
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| v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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determinedly
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stoutly
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irony
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| n.反语，冷嘲；具有讽刺意味的事，嘲弄 | |
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persuasively
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prim
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| adj.拘泥形式的，一本正经的；n.循规蹈矩，整洁；adv.循规蹈矩地，整洁地 | |
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audacity
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| n.大胆，卤莽，无礼 | |
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erasing
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blots
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blemishes
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| n.（身体的）瘢点( blemish的名词复数 )；伤疤；瑕疵；污点 | |
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neatly
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transcripts
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pretext
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pretexts
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| n.借口，托辞( pretext的名词复数 ) | |
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insufficient
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chuckling
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| 轻声地笑( chuckle的现在分词 ) | |
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deceptions
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| 欺骗( deception的名词复数 )； 骗术，诡计 | |
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subterfuge
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| n.诡计；藉口 | |
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scholastic
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| adj.学校的，学院的，学术上的 | |
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squealing
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| v.长声尖叫，用长而尖锐的声音说( squeal的现在分词 ) | |
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slate
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| n.板岩，石板，石片，石板色，候选人名单；adj.暗蓝灰色的，含板岩的；vt.用石板覆盖，痛打，提名，预订 | |
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justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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awe
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| n.敬畏，惊惧；vt.使敬畏，使惊惧 | |
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ferocious
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| adj.凶猛的，残暴的，极度的，十分强烈的 | |
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cane
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| n.手杖，细长的茎，藤条；v.以杖击，以藤编制的 | |
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offender
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| n.冒犯者，违反者，犯罪者 | |
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chastised
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| v.严惩（某人）（尤指责打）( chastise的过去式 ) | |
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artistic
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| adj.艺术(家)的，美术(家)的；善于艺术创作的 | |
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descending
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| n. 下行 adj. 下降的 | |
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mortify
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| v.克制，禁欲，使受辱 | |
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mortifying
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| adj.抑制的，苦修的v.使受辱( mortify的现在分词 )；伤害（人的感情）；克制；抑制（肉体、情感等） | |
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chastisement
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| n.惩罚 | |
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physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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severely
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| adv.严格地；严厉地；非常恶劣地 | |
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implored
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| 恳求或乞求（某人）( implore的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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promising
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| adj.有希望的，有前途的 | |
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insufficiently
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| adv.不够地，不能胜任地 | |
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swelling
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| n.肿胀 | |
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cowardice
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| n.胆小，怯懦 | |
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rebuke
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| v.指责，非难，斥责 [反]praise | |
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invalid
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| n.病人，伤残人；adj.有病的，伤残的；无效的 | |
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64
stinted
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| v.限制，节省（stint的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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65
delicacies
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| n.棘手( delicacy的名词复数 )；精致；精美的食物；周到 | |
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66
mentor
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| n.指导者，良师益友；v.指导 | |
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67
lurking
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| 潜在 | |
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68
dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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69
piston
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| n.活塞 | |
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70
magenta
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| n..紫红色（的染料）；adj.紫红色的 | |
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71
stimulus
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| n.刺激，刺激物，促进因素，引起兴奋的事物 | |
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72
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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73
needy
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| adj.贫穷的，贫困的，生活艰苦的 | |
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74
truthful
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| adj.真实的，说实话的，诚实的 | |
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