This has nothing to do with my experience in Berlin, except to serve as a crude illustration of how the fates dealt with me. Just when Hoffnung's story had thoroughly7 shaken me up and prepared me to face the worst possible, the pendulum8 swung right over to my side and the fates handed out the bigger bag of sweets.
In other words I was at once recognized as Johann Lassen by the Countess von Rebling.
There were several circumstances to account for her mistake. For one, my bride that was to be was not present: I learnt the reason afterwards; and only her son Hans was with her, a lad who had never seen me. The old lady was, of course, prepared to meet me; she saw me in Hoffnung's company; then just as I reached the barrier the big arc lamps in the station almost went out for a few seconds, leaving the place in comparative gloom; and lastly, being a tender-hearted little woman, her eyes were full of tears and no doubt blurred9 her sight.
"My poor dear Johann!" she cried, throwing her arms round my neck and giving way to her mingled10 sympathy for my sufferings and joy at seeing me safe and sound. Then she called to her son, and after I had been kissed by him, she clung to me and could not make enough of me, so that even Hoffnung had to be satisfied.
"You are quite sure that this is your nephew, Countess?" he asked.
He explained my loss of memory; but the only effect was to increase her concern on my account and to make her hug me closer to her side, with many endearing expressions of affection and compassion12.
I felt an abominable13 hypocrite at having to allow her to mislead herself, but the thought of Nessa's plight14 made it impossible for me to undeceive her; and we all went to the carriage which was in waiting, the Countess clinging to my arm and pressing close to me.
Hoffnung was very decent about it. As I was stepping into the carriage, he held out his hand. "I hope you will believe that I am sincere in saying how glad I am to find I was wrong, Herr Lassen," he said with what seemed like genuine cordiality; and of course I wrung15 his hand and said something appropriate.
Why my arrival should have affected16 the dear little lady so deeply I did not know; but during the drive to her house she could do nothing but press my hand in both of hers and murmur17 words of delight at seeing me again, mingled with sympathy with my misfortunes. Again the very dim light in the carriage stood my friend; and by the time she reached home she was thoroughly convinced that I was her nephew.
I had still to meet the daughter; but to my relief she was not at home. A meal was in readiness for me, and as I eat it, the Countess sat and feasted her eyes on me, noting the differences which, as she thought, time had effected in my looks. But these did not shake her conviction.
"You are very much changed, Johann; but of course, you would be in all these years. It must be ten quite since you were here. But you are just what I expected you would be, although not so much like your father as I looked for," she said, and then drew attention in some detail to the points of difference. I learnt then that the upper part of my face, shape of head, forehead and eyebrows18, and nose had "changed less" than the lower part.
Then the son gave me a rather nasty jar. "You're not a bit like that photograph you sent over to Rosa, cousin, is he, mother? She'll jump a bit when she sees you."
"Photograph? Did I send one?" I asked.
"Don't worry Johann, Hans," said his mother, frowning at him, and he coloured and collapsed19 with a muttered "I forgot."
"You did send one, dear," she said to me. "It was when you had a beard and moustache, and of course that hid the lower part of your face." I breathed a little more freely. "I think Rosa will be surprised when she sees you; you're so much better looking than you promised to be. I suppose you don't remember sending the photograph?" she asked with nervous wistfulness.
I could truthfully say I did not; and in this way the talk proceeded until I obtained a really good description of myself as well as many details about my past. Lassen's engagement to the daughter was, as Hoffnung had said, the result of a family arrangement; one of those silly wills which left a fortune to the two on condition that they married. They had not seen him since he left Göttingen ten years before; during the whole of that time he had been out of the country; and was now coming back to marry his bride-elect.
The kind-hearted old soul hadn't a word to say against him; but Hans let drop one or two remarks which led me to think I was not likely to receive a very cordial welcome from his sister. Anxious to know all I could, I pleaded great fatigue20 as soon as I had finished eating and asked to be allowed to go to bed. They both went up with me and I managed to keep the son while I undressed.
He was rather an awkward youth, about seventeen, totally unlike his mother who might have sat as model for a delicate Dresden china figure. On the other hand he was fleshy, dark, and rather pudgy-featured; but I praised his figure, belauded his apparent strength, and generally played on his obvious vanity and wish to be considered a grown man.
He blushed with pleasure. "I should like it. You look awfully22 strong, cousin," he replied, looking at my biceps.
"You'll make a far stronger man than I am." It was as welcome as jam on a trench23 crust ten days old; and I kept at it until I felt I could safely lead round to the subject of his sister and learn how the wind blew in that quarter.
"Of course Rosa's a good sort in lots of ways, but she's getting so bossy," he declared boyishly. "She's the eldest24 for one thing, and then, you know, she's come in for old Aunt Margarita's fortune, and—well, she likes to run things, and I don't like it."
"A man can't be expected to," I agreed with an encouraging smile.
"That's just it. She thinks a fellow's never grown up. I can stand it from mother; but Rosa won't understand that six years' difference is one thing when a fellow's a kid of ten and another when he's nearly eighteen. I shall get my commission in another month or two, you know."
I made a note of the fact that my "betrothed25" was about four and twenty and inclined to be "bossy," and let him rattle26 on about the army, a subject of which he was very full.
I looked appropriately blank and gestured.
"Oh, I forgot," he exclaimed, blushing again. "But can't you remember anything?" he asked, gathering28 courage for the question.
"You don't mind my asking that question?"
"Not a bit. Of course I want to hit on something that will wake up my memory."
"Herr Hoffnung said something about your not wanting to go to the war and that you were joining the Secret Service; and Rosa was just mad about it. She loathes31 the idea; but there, I don't suppose she'll care so much if——" He stopped short in some confusion.
"If what? Out with it, my dear fellow."
"I don't think I'd better tell you. For one reason because you're——" and he pulled up again.
"Because I've lost my memory, do you mean?"
"I don't know. She's awfully funny sometimes, but I did mean that. I was going to say—you won't give me away to her if I tell you?"
"Of course not. Aren't we two going to be the best of chums?"
"Well, it's a rotten arrangement to tie up two kids to marry, like you two, just because of some money."
I laughed. "I'm not exactly a kid now, Hans, at any rate."
"Rather not; and what she'll think when she sees you I don't know."
This let in a glimmer32 of the truth and I made a shot. "You mean she doesn't much fancy the family arrangement?" His face told me it was a bull's-eye, but he hesitated to own it. "When a man's in my state it's only decent for his real friends to tell him the hang of things, Hans," I said as a little touch of the spur.
"I daresay it's a lot of lies now that I've seen you."
I tumbled to that, of course. "You mean that your sister has heard things which have set her against me?"
He nodded. "That you have only pretended to be out of the country all the time and then had to run away—oh, I don't know exactly what it was, but it was enough for Rosa. She always takes a different view of everything from the rest of us."
Rather good hearing. It seemed to offer a way of breaking off the engagement. "She wants to end things between us, you mean?"
"I don't know for certain, but I know what I think. She wouldn't come to the station to-night for one thing, and then, well, if I was engaged to a girl I wouldn't have her so thick with a fellow as she is with Oscar Feldmann. He's always here. But don't you breathe a word that I've told you about this."
"Not I, my dear fellow; I'm only too grateful to you. Is he in the army then?"
"Not he, but he ought to be;" and as this turned him on to the army again, I listened for a minute or two and yawned, and he took the hint and went away, promising33 to see me the first thing in the morning.
Things were going all right so far, and as I was really very tired, I put off my thinking until the next day, and went to sleep. In the morning I turned over the whole position in my mind and came to the conclusion that, for the present at any rate, there was only one difficulty to negotiate—that the daughter might not recognize me.
Hans' description of her was anything but alluring34. She was "bossy"; inclined to oppose the others and run things on her own; she was already prejudiced against me as Lassen, and was probably ready to grasp at any excuse to break off the engagement.
That suggested a very disquieting35 thought. If she had heard that Lassen and I were the only cabin passengers on the Burgen, that I was the only survivor36, that there was some question about my identity and that I had lost my memory, it was clear that she had only to refuse to recognize me, to free herself from the matrimonial entanglement37. Obviously that must be postponed38 if possible.
In view of what her mother had said about the upper part of my face being most like Lassen's, it seemed a good moment to invent a bad face-ache, so that I could swathe my mouth and chin at our first meeting; and the remembrance of Lassen's rather pinched shoulders and stooping figure suggested the advisability of being in bed when she had her first inspection39.
Thus when Hans came to me in the morning, he found me suffering from a severe attack of toothache with a bandage wrapped round my face, and the windows carefully curtained. He was a good-natured fellow, was genuinely sorry and, after saying Rosa was really anxious to see me, although she pretended she wasn't, went off to report.
Hans' report brought up the mother, full of solicitous40 sympathy and inquiries41 about breakfast and a suggestion that I had better stop in bed. I agreed, and she said that probably Rosa would come and see me during the morning. About an hour later all three came up together, and I augured42 well from the fact that Rosa was carrying a cup of tea.
She was more like Hans than her mother; fleshy, dark, and round-faced, better-looking and sharper, with fine, almost black eyes, and a certain air of masterfulness, which showed in her brisk manner and carriage. She was evidently very curious to see me.
She bustled43 up to the bedside, her eyes fixed44 on me searchingly, and her dark brows, which were rather heavy, pent and drawn45 together.
"So you've come at last, Johann—if you are Johann, that is," she said, as she drew up a small table and put the tea on it.
I met her look with a wan30 smile, turned so that she should have a good view of so much of my face as was visible, and held out my hand. "Rosa," I murmured, and waited to observe the result of her scrutiny46.
"Mother said you were too ill to have any breakfast, but I knew better, so I've brought you a cup of tea," she said, managing to suggest that she had brought it less because I might like it, than because the others had declared I shouldn't.
"There. You see I was right, mother," she said, and I saw I had scored. "Are you really so bad, Johann? You always were a coward in bearing pain, you know."
"Rosa!" protested the mother.
"It's true, mother. If he knocked his little toe he always thought he'd have to have his whole foot cut off. And whoever heard of a man wanting to stay in bed for a toothache?"
Better and better, this. Unintentionally I had evidently forged an important link in the identification; and then came something better still, in response to another protest from the mother.
"Nonsense, mother, it's exactly what he would do," she exclaimed sharply, and then turned again to me. "Mother thinks you're awfully altered, but I don't see it. Of course I haven't seen much of your face yet; but she always does take these queer fancies. Can't you take that thing off your face?"
"I think I'll drink the cup of tea," I replied, and drew the bandage down a little and put the cup to my lips.
To my astonishment48 she burst out laughing and clapped her hands. "How silly you are, mother. Why the thing's as plain as plain. He's had his teeth taken out, and that accounts for the difference you made such a fuss about. They used to stick out like this;" and she put her fingers in front of her own mouth to illustrate49. "Don't you remember how we noticed the same thing when Mrs. Hopping50 had it done? It's made you quite passable, Johann," she declared.
"Is that it, Johann?" asked the mother, smiling.
"Is it very noticeable?" I asked, just escaping the pitfall51 of admitting that I remembered something about it. Rosa laughed and nodded. The ordeal52 was over, and the danger point passed; and soon afterwards she said she wanted to speak to me alone, and asked me to make an effort to get up.
I made the effort, laughed to myself as I cleaned my teeth that they should have been mistaken for false ones, and went downstairs to find Rosa waiting impatiently for me.
"I should have thought you could put those awful clothes on in half the time you've taken, Johann, but you were always slow in dressing," she bantered53; and I was quite content to be chipped for a time until she was ready to come to the discussion of our own affairs.
"Is it true you've quite lost your memory?" she asked as Hans had done.
"The Rotterdam doctors said I should recover it. But I'm afraid I shouldn't have known even you."
"Don't you remember anything about my letters?" I shook my head. "Nor your own either?" Another wag of the head. "Well, do you still want to make me marry you?"
"I don't know. You're very pretty, Rosa."
"For Heaven's sake don't begin to pay me stupid compliments. I hate them. Hans takes good care I shan't forget my face isn't my fortune; and the moment a man begins to talk about my looks, I know he's thinking about my money. At least most of them," she qualified54 after a pause.
I understood the qualification. "Then there's an exception?"
She flushed slightly and was a little confused. "Yes, there is," she replied after a pause. "You'll have to know it some time, so you may as well know it now;" and she tossed her head defiantly55. "I believe in coming straight to the point, Johann; and the question is whether you are still in the same mind as when you sent me that idiotic56 photograph, three months ago—the silly thing isn't a bit like you—and if you are, we had better face things at once."
"What did I say?" I asked, frowning.
"That you meant to hold me to the stupid engagement. But you can't do that, however much you wish. It's true that under the silly will the engagement can't be broken off till I'm five and twenty, unless you do it, but don't forget that I get half the money even if I don't marry you."
"Is that the will? It does seem silly, as you say."
"Oh, I know you believe you have the whiphand."
"Indeed, I don't know anything about it." It was really delicious to be able to tell the simple truth.
She frowned impatiently. "It's what you're thinking then," she declared rather snappily. I shook my head. What I really was considering was whether, since Lassen was at the bottom of the North Sea, I should make a friend of her by doing what she wished. "Well, anyhow, I want you to make haste and think about it all and let me know the result as soon as possible. I hate suspense57, and things can't go on as they are," she continued vehemently58.
I had no answer ready, and with a shrug59 of the shoulders she turned to another subject. "Is it true that you've turned spy?"
"Hoffnung seemed to suggest something of the sort yesterday."
She tossed her head and her lip curled. "If I were a man I'd rather be a street sweeper; but I'm not surprised at your liking60 it. It's these things in you that are so natural. Your new teeth may have altered your looks, but of course they haven't changed your nature."
I couldn't restrain a smile; things were panning out so well: and before I replied the door was opened gently and the loveliest child I had ever seen came in. She was a delicate-featured, golden-haired youngster of about eleven—the replica61 in miniature of the Countess—with big sea-blue eyes which fastened on me shyly as she stood hesitating at the door.
"What is it, Lottchen?" cried Rosa sharply. "Come in and don't stand fiddling62 with the door handle in that stupid fashion. This is Cousin Johann, and you needn't stand staring at him as if he would eat you."
My heart went out to the kid instantly. "How do you do, Lottchen?" I said; and she came up, put her little hand into mine and left it there, as she held up her lovely face to be kissed, and then nestled close to me trustfully.
Rosa laughed. "That's a new thing for Lottchen, I can tell you; she hates men as a rule."
"You won't hate me, Lottchen, will you?" I said, smoothing her wondrous63 hair. She shook her head and smiled up at me and then laid her face against my shoulder.
"Don't worry Johann. He's got a bad face-ache."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Am I hurting you?" and the great blue eyes were full of sympathy, just as her mother's had been the previous night.
"Not a bit, my dear."
"Well, you must run away now, child, you'll see plenty of Johann. What is it you want?"
"Miss Caldicott sent me to see if you're coming out with us as usual."
The name seemed to strike me in the face, and a sharp cry of amazement was out before I could check it. It was lucky that Rosa had reminded me of my forgotten face-ache, and I invented a violent paroxysm of pain, whipped out my handkerchief and hid my face in it, to cover up my confusion.
Was it possible that Nessa and I were in the same house, or had I gone clean out of my senses?
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1
promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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spartan
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| adj.简朴的，刻苦的；n.斯巴达；斯巴达式的人 | |
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smacked
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| 拍，打，掴( smack的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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impartially
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| adv.公平地，无私地 | |
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repenting
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| 对（自己的所为）感到懊悔或忏悔( repent的现在分词 ) | |
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pacified
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| 使（某人）安静( pacify的过去式和过去分词 )； 息怒； 抚慰； 在（有战争的地区、国家等）实现和平 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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pendulum
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| n.摆，钟摆 | |
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blurred
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| v.（使）变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）难以区分；模模糊糊；迷离 | |
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mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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compassion
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| n.同情，怜悯 | |
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abominable
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| adj.可厌的，令人憎恶的 | |
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plight
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| n.困境，境况，誓约，艰难；vt.宣誓，保证，约定 | |
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wrung
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| 绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 )； 握紧（尤指别人的手）； 把（湿衣服）拧干； 绞掉（水） | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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murmur
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| n.低语，低声的怨言；v.低语，低声而言 | |
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eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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collapsed
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| adj.倒塌的 | |
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fatigue
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| n.疲劳，劳累 | |
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heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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trench
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| n./v.(挖)沟，(挖)战壕 | |
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eldest
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| adj.最年长的，最年老的 | |
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betrothed
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| n. 已订婚者 动词betroth的过去式和过去分词 | |
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rattle
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| v.飞奔，碰响；激怒；n.碰撞声；拨浪鼓 | |
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regiment
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| n.团，多数，管理；v.组织，编成团，统制 | |
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gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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wan
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| (wide area network)广域网 | |
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loathes
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| v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的第三人称单数 )；极不喜欢 | |
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glimmer
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| v.发出闪烁的微光；n.微光，微弱的闪光 | |
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promising
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| adj.有希望的，有前途的 | |
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alluring
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| adj.吸引人的，迷人的 | |
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disquieting
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| adj.令人不安的，令人不平静的v.使不安，使忧虑，使烦恼( disquiet的现在分词 ) | |
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survivor
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| n.生存者，残存者，幸存者 | |
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entanglement
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| n.纠缠，牵累 | |
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postponed
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| vt.& vi.延期，缓办，（使）延迟vt.把…放在次要地位；[语]把…放在后面（或句尾）vi.（疟疾等）延缓发作（或复发） | |
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inspection
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| n.检查，审查，检阅 | |
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solicitous
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| adj.热切的，挂念的 | |
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inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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augured
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| v.预示，预兆，预言( augur的过去式和过去分词 )；成为预兆；占卜 | |
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bustled
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| 闹哄哄地忙乱，奔忙( bustle的过去式和过去分词 )； 催促 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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scrutiny
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| n.详细检查，仔细观察 | |
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relish
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| n.滋味，享受，爱好，调味品；vt.加调味料，享受，品味；vi.有滋味 | |
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astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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illustrate
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| v.举例说明，阐明；图解，加插图 | |
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hopping
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| n. 跳跃 动词hop的现在分词形式 | |
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pitfall
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| n.隐患，易犯的错误；陷阱，圈套 | |
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ordeal
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| n.苦难经历，（尤指对品格、耐力的）严峻考验 | |
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53
bantered
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| v.开玩笑，说笑，逗乐( banter的过去式和过去分词 )；（善意地）取笑，逗弄 | |
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54
qualified
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| adj.合格的，有资格的，胜任的，有限制的 | |
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55
defiantly
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| adv.挑战地，大胆对抗地 | |
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56
idiotic
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| adj.白痴的 | |
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57
suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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58
vehemently
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| adv. 热烈地 | |
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59
shrug
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| v.耸肩(表示怀疑、冷漠、不知等) | |
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60
liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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61
replica
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| n.复制品 | |
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62
fiddling
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| 微小的 | |
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63
wondrous
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| adj.令人惊奇的，奇妙的；adv.惊人地；异乎寻常地；令人惊叹地 | |
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