Have you ever noticed that in every circle there is some individual assuming to do things better than his comrades—to know more, dress better, run faster, pronounce more correctly? Who, unless promptly6 suppressed, will turn the conversation into a monologue7 relating to his own exploits and opinions. To differ is to bring down his contempt upon your devoted8 head! To argue is time wasted!
Human nature is, however, so constituted that a man of this type mostly succeeds in hypnotizing his hearers into sharing his estimate of himself, and impressing upon them the conviction that he is a rare being instead of a commonplace mortal. He is not a bad sort of person at bottom, and ready to do one a friendly turn—if it does not entail9 too great inconvenience. In short, a good fellow, whose principal defect is the profound conviction that he was born superior to the rest of mankind.
What this individual is to his environment, Englishmen are to the world at large. It is the misfortune, not the fault, of the rest of the human race, that they are not native to his island; a fact, by the way, which outsiders are rarely allowed to lose sight of, as it entails10 a becoming modesty11 on their part.
Few idiosyncrasies get more quickly on American nerves or are further from our hearty12 attitude toward strangers. As we are far from looking upon wandering Englishmen with suspicion, it takes us some time to realize that Americans who cut away from their countrymen and settle far from home are regarded with distrust and reluctantly received. When a family of this kind prepares to live in their neighborhood, Britons have a formula of three questions they ask themselves concerning the new-comers: “Whom do they know? How much are they worth?” and “What amusement (or profit) are we likely to get out of them?” If the answer to all or any of the three queries13 is satisfactory, my lord makes the necessary advances and becomes an agreeable, if not a witty14 or original, companion.
Given this and a number of other peculiarities15, it seems curious that a certain class of Americans should be so anxious to live in England. What is it tempts16 them? It cannot be the climate, for that is vile17; nor the city of London, for it is one of the ugliest in existence; nor their “cuisine”—for although we are not good cooks ourselves, we know what good food is and could give Britons points. Neither can it be art, nor the opera,—one finds both better at home or on the Continent than in England. So it must be society, and here one’s wonder deepens!
When I hear friends just back from a stay over there enlarging on the charms of “country life,” or a London “season,” I look attentively18 to see if they are in earnest, so incomparably dull have I always found English house parties or town entertainments. At least that side of society which the climbing stranger mostly affects. Other circles are charming, if a bit slow, and the “Bohemia” and semi-Bohemia of London have a delicate flavor of their own.
County society, that ideal life so attractive to American readers of British novels, is, taken on the whole, the most insipid19 existence conceivable. The women lack the sparkle and charm of ours; the men, who are out all day shooting or hunting according to the season, get back so fagged that if they do not actually drop asleep at the dinner-table, they will nap immediately after, brightening only when the ladies have retired20, when, with evening dress changed for comfortable smoking suits, the hunters congregate21 in the billiard-room for cigars and brandy and seltzer.
A particularly agreeable American woman, whose husband insists on going every winter to Melton-Mowbray for the hunting, was describing the other day the life there among the women, and expressing her wonder that those who did not hunt could refrain from blowing out their brains, so awful was the dulness and monotony! She had ended by not dining out at all, having discovered that the conversation never by any chance deviated22 far from the knees of the horses and the height of the hedges!
Which reminds one of Thackeray relating how he had longed to know what women talked about when they were alone after dinner, imagining it to be on mysterious and thrilling subjects, until one evening he overheard such a conversation and found it turned entirely23 on children and ailments24! As regards wit, the English are like the Oriental potentate25 who at a ball in Europe expressed his astonishment26 that the guests took the trouble to dance and get themselves hot and dishevelled, explaining that in the East he paid people to do that for him. In England “amusers” are invited expressly to be funny; anything uttered by one of these delightful27 individuals is sure to be received with much laughter. It is so simple that way! One is prepared and knows when to laugh. Whereas amateur wit is confusing. When an American I knew, turning over the books on a drawing-room table and finding Hare’s Walks in London, in two volumes, said, “So you part your hair in the middle over here,” the remark was received in silence, and with looks of polite surprise.
It is not necessary, however, to accumulate proofs that this much described society is less intelligent than our own. Their authors have acknowledged it, and well they may. For from Scott and Dickens down to Hall Caine, American appreciation28 has gone far toward establishing the reputation of English writers at home.
In spite of lack of humor and a thousand other defects which ought to make English swelldom antagonistic29 to our countrymen, the fact remains30 that “smart” London tempts a certain number of Americans and has become a promised land, toward which they turn longing31 eyes. You will always find a few of these votaries32 over there in the “season,” struggling bravely up the social current, making acquaintances, spending money at charity sales, giving dinners and fêtes, taking houses at Ascot and filling them with their new friends’ friends. With more or less success as the new-comers have been able to return satisfactory answers to the three primary questions.
What Americans are these, who force us to blush for them infinitely33 more than for the unlettered tourists trotting34 conscientiously35 around the country, doing the sights and asking for soda-water and buckwheat cakes at the hotels!
Any one who has been an observer of the genus “Climber” at home, and wondered at their way and courage, will recognize these ambitious souls abroad; five minutes’ conversation is enough. It is never about a place that they talk, but of the people they know. London to them is not the city of Dickens. It is a place where one may meet the Prince of Wales and perhaps obtain an entrance into his set.
One description will cover most climbers. They are, as a rule, people who start humbly36 in some small city, then when fortune comes, push on to New York and Newport, where they carry all before them and make their houses centres and themselves powers. Next comes the discovery that the circle into which they have forced their way is not nearly as attractive as it appeared from a distance. Consequently that vague disappointment is felt which most of us experience on attaining37 a long desired goal—the unsatisfactoriness of success! Much the same sensation as caused poor Du Maurier to answer, when asked shortly before his death why he looked so glum38, “I’m soured by success!”
So true is this of all human nature that the following recipe might be given for the attainment39 of perfect happiness: “Begin far down in any walk of life. Rise by your efforts higher each year, and then be careful to die before discovering that there is nothing at the top. The excitement of the struggle—‘the rapture40 of the chase’—are greater joys than achievement.”
Our ambitious friends naturally ignore this bit of philosophy. When it is discovered that the “world” at home has given but an unsatisfactory return for cash and conniving41, it occurs to them that the fault lies in the circle, and they assume that their particular talents require a larger field. Having conquered all in sight, these social Alexanders pine for a new world, which generally turns out to be the “Old,” so a crossing is made, and the “Conquest of England” begun with all the enthusiasm and push employed on starting out from the little native city twenty years before.
It is in Victoria’s realm that foemen worthy42 of their steel await the conquerors43. Home society was a too easy prey44, opening its doors and laying down its arms at the first summons. In England the new-comers find that their little game has been played before; and, well, what they imagined was a discovery proves to be a long-studied science with “donnant! donnant!” as its fundamental law. Wily opponents with trump45 cards in their hands and a profound knowledge of “Hoyle” smilingly offer them seats. Having acquired in a home game a knowledge of “bluff,” our friends plunge46 with delight into the fray47, only to find English society so formed that, climb they never so wisely, the top can never be reached. Work as hard as they may, succeed even beyond their fondest hopes, there will always remain circles above, toward which to yearn—people who will refuse to know them, houses they will never be invited to enter. Think of the charm, the attraction such a civilization must have for the real born climber, and you, my reader, will understand why certain of our compatriots enjoy living in England, and why when once the intoxicating48 draught49 (supplied to the ambitious on the other side) has been tasted, all home concoctions50 prove insipid.
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1
isle
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| n.小岛，岛 | |
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majesty
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| n.雄伟，壮丽，庄严，威严；最高权威，王权 | |
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neatly
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| adv.整洁地，干净地，灵巧地，熟练地 | |
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insular
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| adj.岛屿的，心胸狭窄的 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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monologue
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| n.长篇大论，（戏剧等中的）独白 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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entail
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| vt.使承担，使成为必要，需要 | |
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entails
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| 使…成为必要( entail的第三人称单数 )； 需要； 限定继承； 使必需 | |
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modesty
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| n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素 | |
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hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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queries
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| n.问题( query的名词复数 )；疑问；询问；问号v.质疑，对…表示疑问( query的第三人称单数 )；询问 | |
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witty
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| adj.机智的，风趣的 | |
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peculiarities
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| n. 特质, 特性, 怪癖, 古怪 | |
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tempts
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| v.引诱或怂恿（某人）干不正当的事( tempt的第三人称单数 )；使想要 | |
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vile
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| adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的 | |
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attentively
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| adv.聚精会神地；周到地；谛；凝神 | |
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insipid
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| adj.无味的，枯燥乏味的，单调的 | |
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retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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congregate
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| v.(使)集合，聚集 | |
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deviated
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| v.偏离，越轨( deviate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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ailments
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| 疾病（尤指慢性病），不适( ailment的名词复数 ) | |
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potentate
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| n.统治者；君主 | |
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astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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appreciation
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| n.评价；欣赏；感谢；领会，理解；价格上涨 | |
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antagonistic
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| adj.敌对的 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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votaries
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| n.信徒( votary的名词复数 )；追随者；（天主教）修士；修女 | |
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infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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trotting
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| 小跑，急走( trot的现在分词 )； 匆匆忙忙地走 | |
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conscientiously
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| adv.凭良心地；认真地，负责尽职地；老老实实 | |
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humbly
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| adv. 恭顺地，谦卑地 | |
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attaining
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| （通常经过努力）实现( attain的现在分词 )； 达到； 获得； 达到（某年龄、水平、状况） | |
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glum
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| adj.闷闷不乐的，阴郁的 | |
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attainment
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| n.达到，到达；［常pl.］成就，造诣 | |
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rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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conniving
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| v.密谋 ( connive的现在分词 )；搞阴谋；默许；纵容 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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conquerors
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| 征服者，占领者( conqueror的名词复数 ) | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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45
trump
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| n.王牌，法宝；v.打出王牌，吹喇叭 | |
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plunge
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| v.跳入，(使)投入，(使)陷入；猛冲 | |
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fray
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| v.争吵；打斗；磨损，磨破；n.吵架；打斗 | |
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48
intoxicating
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| a. 醉人的,使人兴奋的 | |
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49
draught
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| n.拉，牵引，拖；一网（饮，吸，阵)；顿服药量，通风；v.起草，设计 | |
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concoctions
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| n.编造，捏造，混合物( concoction的名词复数 ) | |
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