Pirehill is the seat of the great local hospital; but it is also the seat of the great local lunatic asylum1; and when the inhabitants of the Five Towns say merely 'Pirehill', they mean the asylum.
'I do declare I can't fancy my food now-a-days,' said Lady Dain, 'and it's all that portrait!' She stared plaintively2 up at the immense oil-painting which faced her as she sat at the breakfast-table in her spacious3 and opulent dining-room.
Sir Jehoshaphat made no remark.
Despite Lady Dain's animadversions upon it, despite the undoubted fact that it was generally disliked in the Five Towns, the portrait had cost a thousand pounds (some said guineas), and though not yet two years old it was probably worth at least fifteen hundred in the picture market. For it was a Cressage; and not only was it a Cressage—it was one of the finest Cressages in existence.
It marked the summit of Sir Jehoshaphat's career. Sir Jehoshaphat's career was, perhaps, the most successful and brilliant in the entire social history of the Five Towns. This famous man was the principal partner in Dain Brothers. His brother was dead, but two of Sir Jee's sons were in the firm. Dain Brothers were the largest manufacturers of cheap earthenware4 in the district, catering5 chiefly for the American and Colonial buyer. They had an extremely bad reputation for cutting prices. They were hated by every other firm in the Five Towns, and, to hear rival manufacturers talk, one would gather the impression that Sir Jee had acquired a tremendous fortune by systematically6 selling goods under cost. They were also hated by between eighteen and nineteen hundred employees. But such hatred7, however virulent8, had not marred9 the progress of Sir Jee's career.
He had meant to make a name and he had made it. The Five Towns might laugh at his vulgar snobbishness11. The Five Towns might sneer12 at his calculated philanthropy. But he was, nevertheless, the best-known man in the Five Towns, and it was precisely13 his snobbishness and his philanthropy which had carried him to the top. Moreover, he had been the first public man in the Five Towns to gain a knighthood. The Five Towns could not deny that it was very proud indeed of this knighthood. The means by which he had won this distinction were neither here nor there—he had won it. And was he not the father of his native borough14? Had he not been three times mayor of his native borough? Was not the whole northern half of the county dotted and spangled by his benefactions, his institutions, his endowments?
And it could not be denied that he sometimes tickled15 the Five Towns as the Five Towns likes being tickled. There was, for example, the notorious Sneyd incident. Sneyd Hall, belonging to the Earl of Chell, lies a few miles south of the Five Towns, and from it the pretty Countess of Chell exercises that condescending16 meddlesomeness17 which so frequently exasperates18 the Five Towns. Sir Jee had got his title by the aid of the Countess-'Interfering Iris19', as she is locally dubbed20. Shortly afterwards he had contrived21 to quarrel with the Countess; and the quarrel was conducted by Sir Jee as a quarrel between equals, which delighted the district. Sir Jee's final word in it had been to buy a sizable tract22 of land near Sneyd village, just off the Sneyd estate, and to erect23 thereon a mansion24 quite as imposing25 as Sneyd Hall, and far more up to date, and to call the mansion Sneyd Castle. A mighty26 stroke! Iris was furious; the Earl speechless with fury. But they could do nothing. Naturally the Five Towns was tickled.
It was apropos27 of the house-warming of Sneyd Castle, also of the completion of his third mayoralty, and of the inauguration28 of the Dain Technical Institute, that the movement had been started (primarily by a few toadies) for tendering to Sir Jee a popular gift worthy29 to express the profound esteem30 in which he was officially held in the Five Towns. It having been generally felt that the gift should take the form of a portrait, a local dilettante31 had suggested Cressage, and when the Five Towns had inquired into Cressage and discovered that that genius from the United States was celebrated32 throughout the civilized33 world, and regarded as the equal of Velazquez (whoever Velazquez might be), and that he had painted half the aristocracy, and that his income was regal, the suggestion was accepted and Cressage was approached.
Cressage haughtily34 consented to paint Sir Jee's portrait on his usual conditions; namely, that the sitter should go to the little village in Bedfordshire where Cressage had his principal studio, and that the painting should be exhibited at the Royal Academy before being shown anywhere else. (Cressage was an R.A., but no one thought of putting R.A. after his name. He was so big, that instead of the Royal Academy conferring distinction on him, he conferred distinction on the Royal Academy.)
Sir Jee went to Bedfordshire and was rapidly painted, and he came back gloomy. The presentation committee went to Bedfordshire later to inspect the portrait, and they, too, came back gloomy.
Then the Academy Exhibition opened, and the portrait, showing Sir Jee in his robe and chain and in a chair, was instantly hailed as possibly the most glorious masterpiece of modern times. All the critics were of one accord. The committee and Sir Jee were reassured35, but only partially36, and Sir Jee rather less so than the committee. For there was something in the enthusiastic criticism which gravely disturbed him. An enlightened generation, thoroughly37 familiar with the dazzling yearly succession of Cressage's portraits, need not be told what this something was. One critic wrote that Cressage displayed even more than his 'customary astounding38 insight into character....' Another critic wrote that Cressage's observation was, as usual, 'calmly and coldly hostile'. Another referred to the 'typical provincial39 mayor, immortalized for the diversion of future ages.'
Inhabitants of the Five Towns went to London to see the work for which they had subscribed40, and they saw a mean, little, old man, with thin lips and a straggling grey beard, and shifty eyes, and pushful snob10 written all over him; ridiculous in his gewgaws of office. When you looked at the picture close to, it was a meaningless mass of coloured smudges, but when you stood fifteen feet away from it the portrait was absolutely lifelike, amazing, miraculous41. It was so wondrously42 lifelike that some of the inhabitants of the Five Towns burst out laughing. Many people felt sorry—not for Sir Jee—but for Lady Dain. Lady Dain was beloved and genuinely respected. She was a simple, homely43, sincere woman, her one weakness being that she had never been able to see through Sir Jee.
Of course, at the presentation ceremony the portrait had been ecstatically referred to as a possession precious for ever, and the recipient44 and his wife pretended to be overflowing45 with pure joy in the ownership of it.
It had been hanging in the dining-room of Sneyd Castle about sixteen months, when Lady Dain told her husband that it would ultimately drive her into the lunatic asylum.
'Don't be silly, wife,' said Sir Jee. 'I wouldn't part with that portrait for ten times what it cost.'
This was, to speak bluntly, a downright lie. Sir Jee secretly hated the portrait more than anyone hated it. He would have been almost ready to burn down Sneyd Castle in order to get rid of the thing. But it happened that on the previous evening, in the conversation with the magistrates46' clerk, his receptive brain had been visited by a less expensive scheme than burning down the castle.
Lady Dain sighed.
'Are you going to town early?' she inquired.
'Yes,' he replied. 'I'm on the rota today.'
He was chairman of the borough Bench of magistrates. As he drove into town he revolved47 his scheme and thought it wild and dangerous, but still feasible.
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1
asylum
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| n.避难所，庇护所，避难 | |
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plaintively
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| adv.悲哀地，哀怨地 | |
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spacious
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| adj.广阔的，宽敞的 | |
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earthenware
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| n.土器，陶器 | |
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catering
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| n. 给养 | |
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systematically
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| adv.有系统地 | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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virulent
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| adj.有毒的，有恶意的，充满敌意的 | |
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marred
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| adj. 被损毁, 污损的 | |
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snob
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| n.势利小人，自以为高雅、有学问的人 | |
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snobbishness
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| 势利； 势利眼 | |
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sneer
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| v.轻蔑；嘲笑；n.嘲笑，讥讽的言语 | |
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precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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borough
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| n.享有自治权的市镇；(英)自治市镇 | |
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tickled
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| （使）发痒( tickle的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）愉快，逗乐 | |
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condescending
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| adj.谦逊的,故意屈尊的 | |
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meddlesomeness
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exasperates
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| n.激怒，触怒( exasperate的名词复数 )v.激怒，触怒( exasperate的第三人称单数 ) | |
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iris
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| n.虹膜，彩虹 | |
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dubbed
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| v.给…起绰号( dub的过去式和过去分词 )；把…称为；配音；复制 | |
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21
contrived
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| adj.不自然的，做作的；虚构的 | |
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tract
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| n.传单，小册子，大片(土地或森林) | |
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erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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mansion
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| n.大厦，大楼；宅第 | |
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imposing
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| adj.使人难忘的，壮丽的，堂皇的，雄伟的 | |
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mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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apropos
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| adv.恰好地；adj.恰当的；关于 | |
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inauguration
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| n.开幕、就职典礼 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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esteem
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| n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作 | |
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dilettante
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| n.半瓶醋，业余爱好者 | |
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32
celebrated
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| adj.有名的，声誉卓著的 | |
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civilized
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| a.有教养的，文雅的 | |
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haughtily
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| adv. 傲慢地, 高傲地 | |
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35
reassured
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| adj.使消除疑虑的；使放心的v.再保证，恢复信心( reassure的过去式和过去分词) | |
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partially
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| adv.部分地，从某些方面讲 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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38
astounding
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| adj.使人震惊的vt.使震惊，使大吃一惊astound的现在分词) | |
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provincial
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| adj.省的，地方的；n．外省人，乡下人 | |
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40
subscribed
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| v.捐助( subscribe的过去式和过去分词 )；签署，题词；订阅；同意 | |
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41
miraculous
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| adj.像奇迹一样的，不可思议的 | |
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42
wondrously
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| adv.惊奇地，非常，极其 | |
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43
homely
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| adj.家常的，简朴的；不漂亮的 | |
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44
recipient
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| a.接受的,感受性强的 n.接受者,感受者,容器 | |
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45
overflowing
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| n. 溢出物,溢流 adj. 充沛的，充满的 动词overflow的现在分词形式 | |
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46
magistrates
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| 地方法官，治安官( magistrate的名词复数 ) | |
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47
revolved
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| v.（使）旋转( revolve的过去式和过去分词 )；细想 | |
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