CHAPTER II

 Now, at dinner-time that night, in the dining-room of the commodious¹ and well-appointed mansion² of the youngest and richest of the Etches, Uncle Dan stood waiting and waiting for his host and hostess to appear. He was wearing a Turkish tasselled smoking-cap to cover his baldness, and he had taken off his jacket and put on his light, loose overcoat instead of it, since that was a comfortable habit of his.

 

He sent one of the two parlourmaids upstairs for his carpet slippers³ out of the carpet-bag, and he passed part of the time in changing his boots for his slippers in front of the fire. Then at length, just as a maid was staggering out under the load of those enormous boots, Harold appeared, very correct, but alone.

 

'Awfully⁴ sorry to keep you waiting, uncle,' said Harold, 'but Maud isn't well. She isn't coming down tonight.'

 

'What's up wi' Maud?'

 

'Oh, goodness knows!' responded Harold gloomily. 'She's not well—that's all.'

 

'H'm!' said Dan. 'Well, let's peck a bit.'

 

So they sat down and began to peck a bit, aided by the two maids. Dan pecked with prodigious⁵ enthusiasm, but Harold was not in good pecking form. And as the dinner progressed, and Harold sent dish after dish up to his wife, and his wife returned dish after dish untouched, Harold's gloom communicated itself to the house in general.

 

One felt that if one had penetrated⁶ to the farthest corner of the farthest attic⁷, a little parcel of spiritual gloom would have already arrived there. The sense of disaster was in the abode⁸. The cook was prophesying⁹ like anything in the kitchen. Durand in the garage was meditating¹⁰ upon such of his master's pithy¹¹ remarks as he had been able to understand.

 

When the dinner was over, and the coffee and liqueurs and cigars had been served, and the two maids had left the dining-room, Dan turned to his grandnephew and said—

 

'There's things as has changed since my time, lad, but human nature inna' one on em.'

 

'What do you mean, uncle?' Harold asked awkwardly, self-consciously.

 

'I mean as thou'rt a dashed foo'!'

 

'Why?'

 

'But thou'lt get better o' that,' said Dan.

 

Harold smiled sheepishly.

 

'I don't know what you're driving at, uncle,' said he.

 

'Yes, thou dost, lad. Thou'st been and quarrelled wi' Maud. And I say thou'rt a dashed foo'!'

 

'As a matter of fact—' Harold stammered¹².

 

'And ye've never quarrelled afore. This is th' fust time. And so thou'st under th' impression that th' world's come to an end. Well, th' fust quarrel were bound to come sooner or later.'

 

'It isn't really a quarrel—it's about nothing—'

 

'I know—I know,' Dan broke in. 'They always are. As for it not being a quarrel, lad, call it a picnic if thou'st a mind. But heir's sulking upstairs, and thou'rt sulking down here.'

 

'She was cross about the petrol,' said Harold, glad to relieve his mind. 'I hadn't a notion she was cross till I went up into the bedroom. Not a notion! I explained to her it wasn't my fault. I argued it out with her very calmly. I did my best to reason with her—'

 

'Listen here, young 'un,' Dan interrupted him. 'How old art?'

 

'Twenty-three.'

 

'Thou may'st live another fifty years. If thou'st a mind to spend 'em i' peace, thoud'st better give up reasoning wi' women. Give it up right now! It's worse nor drink, as a habit. Kiss 'em, cuddle 'em, beat 'em. But dunna' reason wi' 'em.'

 

'What should you have done in my place?' Harold asked.

 

'I should ha' told Maud her was quite right.'

 

'But she wasn't.'

 

'Then I should ha' winked¹³ at mysen i' th' glass,' continued Dan, 'and kissed her.'

 

'That's all very well—'

 

'Naturally,' said Dan, 'her wanted to show off that car i' front o' me. That was but natural. And her was vexed¹⁴ when it went wrong.'

 

'But I told her—I explained to her.'

 

'Her's a handsome little wench,' Dan proceeded. 'And a good heart. But thou'st got ten times her brains, lad, and thou ought'st to ha' given in.'

 

'But I can't always be—'

 

'It's allus them as gives in as has their own way. I remember her grandfather—he was th' eldest¹⁵ o' us—he quarrelled wi' his wife afore they'd been married a week, and she raced him all over th' town wi' a besom—'

 

'With a besom, uncle?' exclaimed Harold, shocked at these family disclosures.

 

'Wi' a besom,' said Dan. That come o' reasoning wi' a woman. It taught him a lesson, I can tell thee. And afterwards he always said as nowt was worth a quarrel—NOWT! And it isna'.'

 

'I don't think Maud will race me all over the town with a besom,' Harold remarked reflectively.

 

'There's worse things nor that,' said Dan. 'Look thee here, get out o' th' house for a' 'our. Go to th' Conservative Club, and then come back. Dost understand?'

 

'But what—'

 

'Hook it, lad!' said Dan curtly¹⁶.

 

And just as Harold was leaving the room, like a school-boy, he called him in again.

 

'I havena' told thee, Harold, as I'm subject to attacks. I'm getting up in years. I go off like. It isna' fits, but I go off. And if it should happen while I'm here, dunna' be alarmed.'

 

'What are we to do?'

 

'Do nothing. I come round in a minute or two. Whatever ye do, dunna' give me brandy. It might kill me—so th' doctor says. I'm only telling thee in case.'

 

'Well, I hope you won't have an attack,' said Harold.

 

'It's a hundred to one I dunna',' said Dan.

 

And Harold departed.

 

Soon afterwards Uncle Dan wandered into a kitchen full of servants.

 

'Show me th' missis's bedroom, one on ye,' he said to the crowd.

 

And presently he was knocking at Maud's door.

 

'Maudie!'

 

'Who is it?' came a voice.

 

'It's thy owd uncle. Can'st spare a minute?'

 

Maud appeared at the door, smiling, and arrayed in a peignoir.

 

'HE'S gone out,' said Dan, implying scorn of the person who had gone out. 'Wilt¹⁷ come down-stairs?'

 

'Where's he gone to?' Maud demanded.

 

She didn't even pretend she was ill.

 

'Th' Club,' said Dan.

 

And in about a hundred seconds or so he had her in the drawing-room, and she was actually pouring out gin for him. She looked ravishing in that peignoir, especially as she was munching¹⁸ an apple, and balancing herself on the arm of a chair.

 

'So he's been quarrelling with ye, Maud?' Dan began.

 

'No; not quarrelling, uncle.'

 

'Well, call it what ye'n a mind,' said Dan. 'Call it a prayer-meeting. I didn't notice as ye came down for supper—dinner, as ye call it.'

 

'It was like this, uncle,' she said. 'Poor Harry¹⁹ was very angry with himself about that petrol. Of course, he wanted the car to go well while you were in it; and he came up-stairs and grumbled²⁰ at me for leaving him all alone and driving home with you.'

 

'Oh, did he?' exclaimed Dan.

 

'Yes. I explained to him that of course I couldn't leave you all alone. Then he got hot. I kept quite calm. I reasoned it out with him as quietly as I could—'

 

'Maudie, Maudie,' protested the old man, 'thou'rt th' prettiest wench i' this town, though I AM thy great-uncle, and thou'st got plenty o' brains—a sight more than that husband o' thine.'

 

'Do you think so, uncle?'

 

'Aye, but thou hasna' made use o' 'em tonight. Thou'rt a foolish wench, wench. At thy time o' life, and after a year o' th' married state, thou ought'st to know better than reason wi' a man in a temper.'

 

'But, really, uncle, it was so absurd of Harold, wasn't it?'

 

'Aye!' said Dan. 'But why didst-na' give in and kiss him, and smack²¹ his face for him?'

 

'There was nothing to give in about, uncle.'

 

'There never is,' said Dan. 'There never is. That's the point. Still, thou'rt nigh crying, wench.'

 

'I'm not, uncle,' she contradicted, the tears falling on to the apple.

 

'And Harold's using bad language all up Trafalgar Road, I lay,' Dan added.

 

'It was all Harold's fault,' said Maud.

 

'Why, in course it were Harold's fault. But nowt's worth a quarrel, my dear—NOWT. I remember Harold's grandfeyther—he were th' second of us, your grandfeyther were the eldest, and I were the youngest—I remember Harold's grandfeyther chasing his wife all over th' town wi' a besom a week after they were married.'

 

'With a besom!' murmured Maud, pained and forgetting to cry. 'Harold's grandfather, not mine?'

 

'Wi' a besom,' Dan repeated, nodding. 'They never quarrelled again—ne'er again. Th' old woman allus said after that as quarrels were for fools. And her was right.'

 

'I don't see Harold chasing me across Bursley with a besom,' said Maud primly²². 'But what you say is quite right, you dear old uncle. Men are queer—I mean husbands. You can't argue with them. You'd much better give in—'

 

'And have your own way after all.'

 

'And perhaps Harold was—'

 

Harold's step could be heard in the hall.

 

'Oh, dear!' cried Maud. 'What shall I do?'

 

'I'm not feeling very well,' whispered Uncle Dan weakly. 'I have these 'ere attacks sometimes. There's only one thing as'll do me any good—brandy.'

 

And his head fell over one side of the chair, and he looked precisely²³ like a corpse²⁴.

 

'Maud, what are you doing?' almost shouted Harold, when he came into the room.

 

She was putting a liqueur-glass to Uncle Dan's lips.

 

'Oh, Harold,' she cried, 'uncle's had an attack of some sort. I'm giving him some brandy.'

 

'But you mustn't give him brandy,' said Harold authoritatively²⁵ to her.

 

'But I MUST give him brandy,' said Maud. 'He told me that brandy was the only thing to save him.'

 

'Nonsense, child!' Harold persisted. 'Uncle told ME all about these attacks. They're perfectly²⁶ harmless so long as he doesn't have brandy. The doctors have warned him that brandy will be fatal.'

 

'Harold, you are absolutely mistaken. Don't you understand that uncle has only this minute told me that he MUST have brandy?'

 

And she again approached the glass to the pale lips of the old man. His tasselled Turkish smoking-cap had fallen to the floor, and the hemisphere of his bald head glittered under the gas.

 

'Maud, I forbid you!' And Harold put a hand on the glass. 'It's a matter of life and death. You must have misunderstood uncle.'

 

'It was you who misunderstood uncle,' said Maud. 'Of course, if you mean to prevent me by brute²⁷ force—'

 

They both paused and glanced at Daniel, and then at each other.

 

'Perhaps you are right, dearest,' said Harold, in a new tone.

 

'No, dearest,' said Maud, also in a new tone. 'I expect you are right. I must have misunderstood.'

 

'No, no, Maud. Give him the brandy by all means. I've no doubt you're right.'

 

'But if you think I'd better not give it him—'

 

'But I would prefer you to give it him, dearest. It isn't likely you would be mistaken in a thing like that.'

 

'I would prefer to be guided by you, dearest,' said Maud.

 

So they went on for several minutes, each giving way to the other in the most angelic manner.

 

'AND MEANTIME I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DYING, AM I?' roared Uncle Dan, suddenly sitting up. 'You'd let th' old uncle peg²⁸ out while you practise his precepts²⁹! A nice pair you make! I thought for see which on ye' ud' give way to th' other, but I didna' anticipate as both on ye 'ud be ready to sacrifice my life for th' sake o' domestic peace.'

 

'But, uncle,' they both said later, amid the universal and yet rather shamefaced peace rejoicings, 'you said nothing was worth a quarrel.'

 

'And I was right,' answered Dan; 'I was right. Th' Divorce Court is full o' fools as have begun married life by trying to convince the other fool, instead o' humouring him—or her. Kiss us, Maud.'

 

1 commodious   

adj.宽敞的；使用方便的

参考例句：

• It was a commodious and a diverting life.这是一种自由自在，令人赏心悦目的生活。
• Their habitation was not merely respectable and commodious,but even dignified and imposing.他们的居所既宽敞舒适又尊严气派。

2 mansion   

n.大厦，大楼；宅第

参考例句：

• The old mansion was built in 1850.这座古宅建于1850年。
• The mansion has extensive grounds.这大厦四周的庭园广阔。

3 slippers   

n. 拖鞋

参考例句：

• a pair of slippers 一双拖鞋
• He kicked his slippers off and dropped on to the bed. 他踢掉了拖鞋，倒在床上。

4 awfully   

adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地

参考例句：

• Agriculture was awfully neglected in the past.过去农业遭到严重忽视。
• I've been feeling awfully bad about it.对这我一直感到很难受。

5 prodigious   

adj.惊人的，奇妙的；异常的；巨大的；庞大的

参考例句：

• This business generates cash in prodigious amounts.这种业务收益丰厚。
• He impressed all who met him with his prodigious memory.他惊人的记忆力让所有见过他的人都印象深刻。

6 penetrated   

adj. 击穿的，鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式

参考例句：

• The knife had penetrated his chest. 刀子刺入了他的胸膛。
• They penetrated into territory where no man had ever gone before. 他们已进入先前没人去过的地区。

7 attic   

n.顶楼，屋顶室

参考例句：

• Leakiness in the roof caused a damp attic.屋漏使顶楼潮湿。
• What's to be done with all this stuff in the attic?顶楼上的材料怎么处理？

8 abode   

n.住处，住所

参考例句：

• It was ten months before my father discovered his abode.父亲花了十个月的功夫，才好不容易打听到他的住处。
• Welcome to our humble abode!欢迎光临寒舍！

9 prophesying   

v.预告，预言( prophesy的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head. 凡男人祷告或是讲道（道或作说预言下同）若蒙着头，就是羞辱自己的头。 来自互联网
• Prophesying was the only human art that couldn't be improved by practice. 预言是唯一的一项无法经由练习而改善的人类技术。 来自互联网

10 meditating   

a.沉思的，冥想的

参考例句：

• They were meditating revenge. 他们在谋划进行报复。
• The congressman is meditating a reply to his critics. 这位国会议员正在考虑给他的批评者一个答复。

11 pithy   

adj.(讲话或文章)简练的

参考例句：

• Many of them made a point of praising the film's pithy dialogue.他们中很多人特别赞扬了影片精炼的对白。
• His pithy comments knocked the bottom out of my argument.他精辟的评论驳倒了我的论点。

12 stammered   

v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He stammered most when he was nervous. 他一紧张往往口吃。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• Barsad leaned back in his chair, and stammered, \"What do you mean?\" 巴萨往椅背上一靠，结结巴巴地说，“你是什么意思？” 来自英汉文学 - 双城记

13 winked   

v.使眼色( wink的过去式和过去分词 )；递眼色（表示友好或高兴等）；（指光）闪烁；闪亮

参考例句：

• He winked at her and she knew he was thinking the same thing that she was. 他冲她眨了眨眼，她便知道他的想法和她一样。
• He winked his eyes at her and left the classroom. 他向她眨巴一下眼睛走出了教室。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

14 vexed   

adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论

参考例句：

• The conference spent days discussing the vexed question of border controls. 会议花了几天的时间讨论边境关卡这个难题。
• He was vexed at his failure. 他因失败而懊恼。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

15 eldest   

adj.最年长的，最年老的

参考例句：

• The King's eldest son is the heir to the throne.国王的长子是王位的继承人。
• The castle and the land are entailed on the eldest son.城堡和土地限定由长子继承。

16 curtly   

adv.简短地

参考例句：

• He nodded curtly and walked away. 他匆忙点了一下头就走了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The request was curtly refused. 这个请求被毫不客气地拒绝了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

17 wilt   

v.(使)植物凋谢或枯萎；(指人)疲倦，衰弱

参考例句：

• Golden roses do not wilt and will never need to be watered.金色的玫瑰不枯萎绝也不需要浇水。
• Several sleepless nights made him wilt.数个不眠之夜使他憔悴。

18 munching   

v.用力咀嚼（某物），大嚼( munch的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• He was munching an apple. 他在津津有味地嚼着苹果。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Munching the apple as he was, he had an eye for all her movements. 他虽然啃着苹果，但却很留神地监视着她的每一个动作。 来自辞典例句

19 harry   

vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼

参考例句：

• Today,people feel more hurried and harried.今天，人们感到更加忙碌和苦恼。
• Obama harried business by Healthcare Reform plan.奥巴马用医改掠夺了商界。

20 grumbled   

抱怨( grumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 发牢骚； 咕哝； 发哼声

参考例句：

• He grumbled at the low pay offered to him. 他抱怨给他的工资低。
• The heat was sweltering, and the men grumbled fiercely over their work. 天热得让人发昏，水手们边干活边发着牢骚。

21 smack   

vt.拍，打，掴；咂嘴；vi.含有…意味；n.拍

参考例句：

• She gave him a smack on the face.她打了他一个嘴巴。
• I gave the fly a smack with the magazine.我用杂志拍了一下苍蝇。

22 primly   

adv.循规蹈矩地，整洁地

参考例句：

• He didn't reply, but just smiled primly. 他没回答，只是拘谨地笑了笑。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He wore prim suits with neckties set primly against the collar buttons of his white shirts. 他穿着整洁的外套，领结紧贴着白色衬衫领口的钮扣。 来自互联网

23 precisely   

adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地

参考例句：

• It's precisely that sort of slick sales-talk that I mistrust.我不相信的正是那种油腔滑调的推销宣传。
• The man adjusted very precisely.那个人调得很准。

24 corpse   

n.尸体，死尸

参考例句：

• What she saw was just an unfeeling corpse.她见到的只是一具全无感觉的尸体。
• The corpse was preserved from decay by embalming.尸体用香料涂抹以防腐烂。

25 authoritatively   

命令式地，有权威地，可信地

参考例句：

• "If somebody'll come here and sit with him," he snapped authoritatively. “来个人到这儿陪他坐着。”他用发号施令的口吻说。
• To decide or settle(a dispute, for example) conclusively and authoritatively. 判定结论性、权威性地决定或解决（纠纷等）

26 perfectly   

adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
• Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。

27 brute   

n.野兽，兽性

参考例句：

• The aggressor troops are not many degrees removed from the brute.侵略军简直象一群野兽。
• That dog is a dangerous brute.It bites people.那条狗是危险的畜牲，它咬人。

28 peg   

n.木栓，木钉；vt.用木钉钉，用短桩固定

参考例句：

• Hang your overcoat on the peg in the hall.把你的大衣挂在门厅的挂衣钩上。
• He hit the peg mightily on the top with a mallet.他用木槌猛敲木栓顶。

29 precepts   

n.规诫，戒律，箴言( precept的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• They accept the Prophet's precepts but reject some of his strictures. 他们接受先知的教训，但拒绝他的种种约束。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• The legal philosopher's concern is to ascertain the true nature of all the precepts and norms. 法哲学家的兴趣在于探寻所有规范和准则的性质。 来自辞典例句