At first I hardly grasped the import of my brother’s words, or the fact that here was the old fateful destiny upon me again, so lost were the few faculties1 I could command in wonder at his unexpected appearance in London.
I stared and stared and had not a word to say.
“Where’s your tongue, old chap?” he cried. “This is an affectionate greeting on your part, upon my word, and after near four years, too.”
I pressed my hand across my forehead and strove to smooth the confusion therefrom.
“You must forgive me,” I said at length; “this sudden meeting has driven me all abroad; and then I got stuck down there by mistake, and the sight has half-turned my brain, I think.”
“By mistake, was it?” he said, with a mocking titter. “Oh, Renny, don’t I know you?—though your looks are changed, too, for the matter of that; more than mine are, I expect.”
I could well believe. Soul and manhood must have wrought2 new expression in me; but, for Jason, he was the Jason of old—fuller, more set and powerful; yet the same beautiful personality with the uninterpretable eyes.
“Well,” he said, “aren’t you surprised to see me?”
“Surprise isn’t the word.”
“Nor pleasure either, I expect.”
“Well, you used to be that, you know; though I dare say you’ve found out the better policy now.”
“At any rate, as you’re here, you’ll come home with me, won’t you?”
“Of course. That’s what I intend. I’ve been in London three or four days, and went over to your old place yesterday, but found you had left. I got the new address off a queer old chap there. Why didn’t you tell us you had changed?”
“I did. I wrote to dad about it.”
“Well, anyhow, he never told me.”
“That seems funny. How is he?”
“Oh, the same old besotted curmudgeon4 as ever.”
“Don’t, Jason. Dad’s dad for all his failings.”
“Yes, and Zyp’s Zyp for all hers.”
It gave me a thrill to hear the old name spoken familiarly, though by such reckless lips.
“Is—is she all right?”
“She’s Zyp, I tell you, and that means anything that’s sprightly5 and unquenchable. Let her alone for a jade6; I’m sick of her name.”
Was it evident from this that his suit had not prospered7? I looked at his changing eyes and my heart reeled with a sudden sick intoxication8 of hope. Was my reasoning to be all gone through with again? “Come,” I said, “let’s make for my place. A fellow-hand lives with me there.”
We walked up Holborn together. He had eyes for every incident, a tongue that seldom ceased wagging. Many a smart and powdered working girl, tripping to her business, nudged her companion and looked after him. He accepted it all with a bold indifference—the masterful condescension9 that sets tight-laced breasts a-twittering under their twice-turned jackets. He was much better dressed than I was and carried himself with some show of fashion.
Duke had left when we reached home, and his absence I hardly regretted.
“Well,” said my brother, as we entered the sitting-room10, “you’ve decent quarters, Renny, and no doubt deserve them for being a good boy. You can give me some breakfast, I suppose?”
“If you don’t mind eating alone,” I said. “I’ve got no appetite.”
“All the worse for you. I never lose mine.” The table was already laid as Duke had left it. I fetched a knuckle11 of ham from our private store and placed it before my unwelcome guest, who fell to with a healthy vigor12 of hunger.
“It’s as well, perhaps, I didn’t find you last night,” he said, munching13 and enjoying himself. “We should have sat up late and then I might have overslept myself and missed the fun. I say, didn’t he go down plump? I hoped the rope would break and that we should have it over again.”
“Jason!” I cried, “drop it, won’t you? I tell you I got caught there by mistake, and that the whole thing was horrible to me!”
“Oh, all right,” he said, with a laugh. “I shouldn’t have thought you’d have cared, but I won’t say anything more about it.”
I would not challenge word or tone in him. To what could I possibly appeal in one so void of the first instincts of humanity?
He pushed his plate away presently and fetched out a little pipe and began to smoke. I had sat all the time by the window, looking vaguely14 upon the crowded street.
“Now,” I said, turning to him, “let’s hear why you are in London?”
“Didn’t I tell you?” he said. “But there’s nothing to explain. I wanted to come and I came.”
“Four days ago?”
“More or less.”
“But what brought you? Where did you get the money?”
“Never mind. That’s my affair. I did get it, and there’s an end.”
“How long do you intend to stop?”
“It all depends upon circumstances. Maybe I shall get something to do here.”
“Well, you might. I had nothing more to recommend me than you have when I first came.”
“Not so much, my good fellow.”
He threw out his chest and a whiff of smoke together.
“I’ve more about me to take the fancy, I believe, and I’m not handicapped with a depressing secret for the unscrupulous to trade upon. Besides, you forget that I’ve a friend at court, which you never had.”
“Meaning me. It’s no good, I can tell you in the very beginning. I’ve not influence enough with my employer to foist16 a useless fresh hand upon him.”
“We’ll see, my friend—we’ll see, perhaps, by and by. I’m not in any hurry. I haven’t the slightest intention of working till I’m forced to.”
“I suppose not. But what are you going to do in the meantime?”
“Enjoy life, as I always do.”
“Here, in London?”
“Yes, of course.”
“We can’t put you up at this place. It’s impossible.”
“Wait till you’re asked. I’ve got my own quarters.”
“Where?”
“Well, it’s all very queer, but I suppose you know your own business best.”
“Naturally,” he said, and sat frowning at me a little while.
Then presently he rose and came and looked down upon me.
“Renny,” he said, quietly, “I’m going now, but I shall look you up from time to time. I just want to say a thing first, though. You haven’t received me very well, and I shan’t forget it. There’s a new manner about you that’s prettier than it’s quite safe. You seem to have thought matters over and to have come to the conclusion that this lapse18 of years has tided you over a little difficulty we remember. I only want to suggest that you don’t presume upon that too far. Grant it to be true, as old Crackenthorpe said, that that fellow Muller’s fate isn’t likely to be yours. I can make things pretty hot for you, nevertheless.”
He nodded at me once or twice, with his lips set, and so walked from the room.
For an hour after he had gone, regardless of the calls of business, I sat on by the window pondering the meaning of this down-swoop and its likely influence on my fortunes.
The nervous apprehension19 of boyhood had left me; I had carved out an independent path for myself and had prospered. Was it likely that, thus restored, as it were, to manliness20, I could weakly succumb21 to a sense of fatality22? I was stronger by nature and experience than this blackest of blackmailers. He who takes his moral fiber23 from humanity must necessarily surpass the egotist who habitually24 drains upon himself.
As to the mere25 fact of my brother’s journey hither, and his acquirement of the means which enabled him to do so and to present a becoming appearance, I cared to speculate but little. London was the natural goal of his kind, and when the migratory26 fit came he was bound by hook or by crook27 to gather the wherewith for his flight.
It was the immediate28 presence of his blackrent mood that I had to combat, and I found myself strong to do so. I would not own his mastery; I would anticipate him and force the crisis he wished to postpone29 for his own gain and my torment30. That very evening would I tell Duke all and abide31 by his judgment32.
And Dolly? Here on the instant I compromised with manliness and so admitted a weak place in my armor. Viewed through the dizzy mist of my own past and haunted suffering, this sweet and natural child stood out, such a tender vision of innocence33 that I dared not arrogate34 to myself the right of informing it with an evil that must be negative only in the first instance. How can I imperil her soul, I thought, by shattering at a blow the image, my image, that enlightens it? Sophistry—sophistry; for what true woman is the worse for learning that her idol35 is poor humanity after all—not a thing to worship, but a soul to help and protect—a soul thirsting for the deep wells of sympathy?
Had I been wise to forestall36 my brother with all whose influence was upon my life a great misery37 might have been averted38. In this instance I temporized39, and the fatal cloud of calamity40 rose above the horizon.
Why was it that, at the first, Dolly was much more in my mind than Zyp? That I cannot answer altogether, but so it was. The balance of my feelings was set no differently; yet, while it seemed quite right and proper that Zyp should estimate me at my dual41 personality, I shrunk with shuddering42 from the thought of Dolly knowing me as I knew myself. Perhaps it was that, for all my sense of passionate43 affinity44 to the wild creature once so part of my destinies, I recognized in the other the purer soul; that it was the love of the first I desired, the good will of the second. Perhaps, also, the recognition of this drove me on again to abide by my decision of the morning. It is useless to speculate now; for the little unhappy tale ended otherwise than as I had prefigured it. My day had begun with an omen45 as ghastly as its sequel was to be.
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1
faculties
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| n.能力( faculty的名词复数 )；全体教职员；技巧；院 | |
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2
wrought
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| v.引起；以…原料制作；运转；adj.制造的 | |
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3
liar
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| n.说谎的人 | |
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4
curmudgeon
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| n. 脾气暴躁之人，守财奴，吝啬鬼 | |
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5
sprightly
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| adj.愉快的，活泼的 | |
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6
jade
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| n.玉石；碧玉；翡翠 | |
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7
prospered
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| 成功，兴旺( prosper的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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8
intoxication
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| n.wild excitement;drunkenness；poisoning | |
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9
condescension
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| n.自以为高人一等，贬低(别人) | |
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10
sitting-room
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| n.（BrE）客厅，起居室 | |
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11
knuckle
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| n.指节；vi.开始努力工作；屈服，认输 | |
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12
vigor
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| n.活力，精力，元气 | |
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13
munching
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| v.用力咀嚼（某物），大嚼( munch的现在分词 ) | |
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14
vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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15
eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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16
foist
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| vt.把…强塞给，骗卖给 | |
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17
burrow
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| vt.挖掘(洞穴)；钻进；vi.挖洞；翻寻；n.地洞 | |
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18
lapse
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| n.过失，流逝，失效，抛弃信仰，间隔；vi.堕落，停止，失效，流逝；vt.使失效 | |
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19
apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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20
manliness
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| 刚毅 | |
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21
succumb
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| v.屈服，屈从；死 | |
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22
fatality
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| n.不幸，灾祸，天命 | |
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23
fiber
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| n.纤维，纤维质 | |
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24
habitually
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| ad.习惯地，通常地 | |
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25
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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26
migratory
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| n.候鸟，迁移 | |
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27
crook
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| v.使弯曲；n.小偷，骗子，贼；弯曲(处) | |
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28
immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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29
postpone
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| v.延期，推迟 | |
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30
torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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31
abide
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| vi.遵守；坚持；vt.忍受 | |
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32
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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33
innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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34
arrogate
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| v.冒称具有...权利，霸占 | |
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35
idol
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| n.偶像，红人，宠儿 | |
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36
forestall
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| vt.抢在…之前采取行动；预先阻止 | |
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37
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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38
averted
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| 防止，避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 )； 转移 | |
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39
temporized
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| v.敷衍( temporize的过去式和过去分词 )；拖延；顺应时势；暂时同意 | |
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40
calamity
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| n.灾害，祸患，不幸事件 | |
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41
dual
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| adj.双的；二重的，二元的 | |
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42
shuddering
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| v.战栗( shudder的现在分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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43
passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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44
affinity
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| n.亲和力，密切关系 | |
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45
omen
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| n.征兆，预兆；vt.预示 | |
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