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CHAPTER V
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 As spring approached this affair moved on apace. The work of the Corbin Company was no harder than that of the Lovell Company, and I had more time to myself. Because of an ingrowing sense of my personal importance and because I thought it such a wonderful thing to be a newspaper man and so very much less to be a collector, I lied to Alice as to what I was doing. When should I be through with collecting and begin reporting? I was eager to know all about music, painting, sculpture, literature, and to be in those places where life is at its best. I was regretful now that I had not made better use of my school and college days, and so in my free hours I read, visited the art gallery and library, went to theaters and concerts. The free intellectual churches, or ethical1 schools, were my favorite places on Sunday mornings. I would sometimes take Alice or my Scotch2 girl to the Theodore Thomas concerts, which were just beginning at the Auditorium3, or to see the best plays and actors: Booth, Barrett, Modjeska, Fannie Davenport, Mary Anderson, Joseph Jefferson, Nat Goodwin. Thinking of myself as a man with a future, I assumed a kind of cavalier attitude toward my two sweethearts, finally breaking with N—— on the pretext4 that she was stubborn and superior and did not love me, whereas I really wanted to assume privileges which she, with her conventional notions, could not permit and which I was not generous enough not to want. As for Alice she was perfectly5 willing to yield, with a view, I have always thought, to moving me to marry her. But being deeply touched by her very obvious charm, I did nothing.
 
Once my work was done of an afternoon, I loitered over many things waiting for evening to come, when I should see Alice again. Usually I read or visited a gallery or some park. Alice was intensely sweet to me. Her eyes were so soft, so liquid, so unprotesting and so unresenting. She was usually gay, with at times a suggestion of hidden melancholy6. At night, in that great world of life which is the business heart of Chicago I used to wait for her, and together, once we had found each other in the crowds, we would make our way to the great railway station at the end of Dearborn Street, where a tall clock-tower held a single yellow clock-face. If it chanced to be Tuesday or Thursday I would go home with her. On other nights she would sometimes stay down to dine with me at some inexpensive place.
 
I never knew until toward the end of the following summer, when things were breaking up for me in Chicago and seemingly greater opportunities were calling me elsewhere, that during all this time she had really never relinquished7 her relationship with my predecessor8, fearing my instability perhaps. By what necessary lies and innocent subterfuges9 she had held him against the time when I might not care for her any more I know not. The thing has poignance10 now. Was she unfaithful? I do not think so. At any rate she was tender, clinging and in need of true affection. She would take my hand and hold it under her arm or against her heart and talk of the little things of the day: the strutting11 customers and managers, the condescending12 women of social pretensions13, the other girls, who sometimes spied upon or traitorously14 betrayed each other. Usually her stories were of amusing things, for she had no heart for bitter contention15. There was a note of melancholy running all through her relationship with me, however, for I think she saw the unrest and uncertainty16 of my point of view. Already my mind’s eye was scanning a farther horizon, in which neither she nor any other woman had a vital part. Fame, applause, power, possibly, these were luring17 me. Once she said to me, her eyes looking longingly18 into mine:
 
“Do you really love me, Dorse?”
 
“Don’t you think I do?” I replied evasively, and yet saying to myself that I truly cared for her in my fashion, which was true.
 
“Yes, I think you do, in your way,” she said, and the correct interpretation19 shocked me. I saw myself a stormy petrel hanging over the yellowish-black waves of life and never really resting anywhere. I could not; my mind would not let me. I saw too much, felt too much, knew too much. What was I, what any one, but a small bit of seaweed on an endless sea, flotsam, jetsam, being moved hither and thither—by what subterranean20 tides?
 
Oh, Alice, dead or living, eternally sleeping or eternally waking, listen to these few true words! You were beautiful to me. My heart was hungry. I wanted youth, I wanted beauty, I wanted sweetness, I wanted a tender smile, wide eyes, loveliness—all these you had and gave.
 
Peace to you! I do not ask as much for myself.
 
My determination to leave the Corbin Company was associated with other changes equally important and of much more emotional interest. Our home life, now that my mother was gone, was most unsatisfactory. What I took to be the airs and plotting domination of my sister M——, toward whom I had never borne any real affection, had become unbearable21. I disliked her very much, for though she was no better than the rest of us, or so I thought at the time, she was nevertheless inclined to dogmatize as to the duty of others. Here she was, married yet living at home and traveling at such times and to such places as suited her husband’s convenience, obtaining from him scarcely enough to maintain herself in the state to which she thought she was entitled, contributing only a small portion to the upkeep of the home, and yet setting herself and her husband up as superiors whose exemplary social manners might well be copied by all. Her whole manner from morning to night, day in and day out, was one of superiority. Or, so I thought at the time. “I am Mrs. G. A——, if you please,” she seemed to say. “G—— is doing this. I am going to do so-and-so. It can scarcely be expected that we, in our high state, should have much to do with the rest of you.”
 
Yet whenever A—— was in or near Chicago he made our home his abiding22 place. Two of the best rooms on the second floor were set aside for his and M——’s use. The most stirring preparations were made whenever he was coming, the house swept, flowers bought, extra cooking done and what not; the moment he had gone things fell to their natural and rather careless pace. M—— retired23 to her rooms and was scarcely seen for days. T——, another sister, who despised her heartily24, would sulk, and when she thought the burden of family work was being shouldered on to her would do nothing at all. My father was left to go through a routine of duties such as fire-building, care of the furnace, marketing25, which should have facilitated the housework but which in these quarreling conditions made it seem as if he were being put upon. C——, another sister, who was anything but a peacemaker, added fuel to the flames by criticizing the drift of things to the younger members: A——, E—— and myself.
 
The thing that had turned me definitely against M—— followed a letter which my brother Paul once sent to my mother, enclosing a check for ten dollars and intended especially for her. Because it was sent to her personally she wanted to keep it secret from the others, and to do this she sent me to the general postoffice, on which it was drawn26, with her signature filled in and myself designated as the proper recipient27. I got the money and returned it to her, but either because of her increasing illness or because she still wanted to keep it a secret, when Paul mentioned it in another letter she said she had not received it. Then she died and the matter of the money came up. It was proved by inquiry28 at the postoffice that the money had been paid to me. I confirmed this and asserted, which was true, that I had given it to mother. M—— alone, of all the family, felt called upon to question this. She visited an inspector29 at the general postoffice (a friend of A——’s by the way) and persuaded him to make inquiry, with a view no doubt to frightening me. The result of this was a formal letter asking me to call at his office. When I went and found that he was charging me with the detention30 of this money and demanding its return on pain of my being sent to prison, I blazed of course and told him to go to the devil. When I reached home I was furious. I called out my sister M—— and told her—well, many things. For weeks and even months I had a burning desire to strike her, although nothing more was ever done or said concerning it. For over fifteen years the memory of this one thing divided us completely, but after that, having risen, as I thought, to superior interests and viewpoints, I condescended31 to become friendly.
 
The first half of 1891 was the period of my greatest bitterness toward her, and in consequence, when my sister C—— came to me with her complaints and charges we brewed32 between us a kind of revolution based primarily on our opposition33 to M—— and her airs, but secondarily on the inadequate34 distribution of the family means and the inability of the different sisters to agree upon the details of the home management. According to C——, who was most bitter in her charges, both M—— and T—— were lazy and indifferent. As a matter of fact, I cared as little for C—— and her woes35 as I did for any of the others. But the thought of this home, dominated by M—— and T—— and supported by us younger ones, with father as a kind of pleading watchdog of the treasury36, weeping in his beard and moaning over the general recklessness of our lives, was too much.
 
Indeed this matter of money, not idleness or domination, was the crux37 of the whole situation, for if there had been plenty of money, or if each of us could have retained his own earnings38, there would have been little grieving. C—— was jealous of M—— and T——, and of the means with which their marital39 relations supplied them, and although she was earning eight dollars a week she felt that the three or four which she contributed to the household were far too much. A——, who earned ten and contributed five, had no complaint to make, and E——, who earned nine and supplied four-and-a-half, also had nothing to say. I was earning twelve, later fourteen, and gave only six, and very often I begrudged40 much of this. So between us C—— and I brewed a revolution, which ended unsatisfactorily for us all.
 
Late in March, a crisis came because of a bitter quarrel that sprung up between M—— and C——. C—— and I now proposed, with the aid of A—— and E—— if we could get it, either to drive M—— from the house and take charge ourselves, or rent a small apartment somewhere, pool our funds and set up a rival home of our own, leaving this one to subsist41 as best it might. It was a hard and cold thing to plan, and I still wonder why I shared in it; but then it seemed plausible42 enough.
 
However that may be, this revolutionary program was worked out to a definite conclusion. With C—— as the whip and planner and myself as general executive, a small apartment only a few blocks from our home was fixed43 upon, prices of furniture on time studied, cost of food, light, entertainment gone into. C——, in her eagerness to bring her rage to a cataclysmic conclusion, volunteered to do the cooking and housekeeping alone, and still work downtown as before. If each contributed five dollars a week, as we said, we would have a fund of over eighty dollars a month, which should house and feed us and buy furniture on the instalment plan. A—— was consulted as to this and refused, saying, which was the decent thing to say and characteristic of him, that we ought to stay here and keep the home together for father’s sake, he being old and feeble. E——, always a lover of adventure and eager to share in any new thing, agreed to go with us. We had to revise our program, but even with only sixty dollars a month as a general fund we thought we could get along.
 
And so we three, C—— being the spokesman, had the cheek to announce to my father that either M—— should leave and allow us to run the house as we wished or we would leave. The ultimatum44 was not given in any such direct way: charges and counter charges were first made; long arguments and pleadings were indulged in by one side and the other. Finally, seeing that there was no hope of forcing M—— to leave, C—— announced that she was going, alone or with others. I said I would follow. E—— said he was coming—and there you were. I never saw a man more distressed45 than my father, one more harassed46 by what he knew to be the final dissolution of the family. He pleaded, but his pleas fell on youthful, inconsiderate ears. I went and rented the flat, had the gas turned on and some furniture installed; and then, toward the end of March, in blustery weather, we moved.
 
Never was a man more distrait47 than my father during these last two or three days of our stay. Having completed the details, C——, E—— and I were busy marching to and fro at spare moments, carrying clothes, books, pictures and the like to the new home. There were open squabbles now between C—— and M—— as to the possession of certain things, but these were finally adjusted without blows. At last we were ready to leave, and then came our last adieux to my father and A——. When my turn came I marched out with a hard, cheery, independent look on my face, but I was really heavy with a sense of my unfairness and brutality48. A—— and my father were the two I really preferred. My father was so old and frail49.
 
“Well,” he said with his German accent when I came to say good-by, “you’re going, are you? I’m sorry, Dorsch. I done the best I could. The girls, they won’t ever agree, it seems. I try, but it don’t seem to do any good. I have prayed these last few days.... I hope you don’t ever feel sorry. It’s C—— who stirs up all these things.”
 
He waved his hands in a kind of despairing way and after some pointless and insincere phrases I went out. The cold March winds were blowing from the West, and it was raw, blowy, sloppy50, gray. Tomorrow it would be brighter, but tonight——
 

点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 ethical diIz4     
adj.伦理的,道德的,合乎道德的
参考例句:
  • It is necessary to get the youth to have a high ethical concept.必须使青年具有高度的道德观念。
  • It was a debate which aroused fervent ethical arguments.那是一场引发强烈的伦理道德争论的辩论。
2 scotch ZZ3x8     
n.伤口,刻痕;苏格兰威士忌酒;v.粉碎,消灭,阻止;adj.苏格兰(人)的
参考例句:
  • Facts will eventually scotch these rumours.这种谣言在事实面前将不攻自破。
  • Italy was full of fine views and virtually empty of Scotch whiskey.意大利多的是美景,真正缺的是苏格兰威士忌。
3 auditorium HO6yK     
n.观众席,听众席;会堂,礼堂
参考例句:
  • The teacher gathered all the pupils in the auditorium.老师把全体同学集合在礼堂内。
  • The stage is thrust forward into the auditorium.舞台向前突出,伸入观众席。
4 pretext 1Qsxi     
n.借口,托词
参考例句:
  • He used his headache as a pretext for not going to school.他借口头疼而不去上学。
  • He didn't attend that meeting under the pretext of sickness.他以生病为借口,没参加那个会议。
5 perfectly 8Mzxb     
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地
参考例句:
  • The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
  • Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。
6 melancholy t7rz8     
n.忧郁,愁思;adj.令人感伤(沮丧)的,忧郁的
参考例句:
  • All at once he fell into a state of profound melancholy.他立即陷入无尽的忧思之中。
  • He felt melancholy after he failed the exam.这次考试没通过,他感到很郁闷。
7 relinquished 2d789d1995a6a7f21bb35f6fc8d61c5d     
交出,让给( relinquish的过去式和过去分词 ); 放弃
参考例句:
  • She has relinquished the post to her cousin, Sir Edward. 她把职位让给了表弟爱德华爵士。
  • The small dog relinquished his bone to the big dog. 小狗把它的骨头让给那只大狗。
8 predecessor qP9x0     
n.前辈,前任
参考例句:
  • It will share the fate of its predecessor.它将遭受与前者同样的命运。
  • The new ambassador is more mature than his predecessor.新大使比他的前任更成熟一些。
9 subterfuges 2accc2c1c79d01029ad981f598f7b5f6     
n.(用说谎或欺骗以逃脱责备、困难等的)花招,遁词( subterfuge的名词复数 )
参考例句:
10 poignance 0ea481b606b56c1f88eb44612c326674     
参考例句:
11 strutting 2a28bf7fb89b582054410bf3c6bbde1a     
加固,支撑物
参考例句:
  • He, too, was exceedingly arrogant, strutting about the castle. 他也是非常自大,在城堡里大摇大摆地走。
  • The pompous lecturer is strutting and forth across the stage. 这个演讲者在台上趾高气扬地来回走着。
12 condescending avxzvU     
adj.谦逊的,故意屈尊的
参考例句:
  • He has a condescending attitude towards women. 他对女性总是居高临下。
  • He tends to adopt a condescending manner when talking to young women. 和年轻女子说话时,他喜欢摆出一副高高在上的姿态。
13 pretensions 9f7f7ffa120fac56a99a9be28790514a     
自称( pretension的名词复数 ); 自命不凡; 要求; 权力
参考例句:
  • The play mocks the pretensions of the new middle class. 这出戏讽刺了新中产阶级的装模作样。
  • The city has unrealistic pretensions to world-class status. 这个城市不切实际地标榜自己为国际都市。
14 traitorously 4360493d6ca3bf30c9f95c969c5d6acd     
叛逆地,不忠地
参考例句:
15 contention oZ5yd     
n.争论,争辩,论战;论点,主张
参考例句:
  • The pay increase is the key point of contention. 加薪是争论的焦点。
  • The real bone of contention,as you know,is money.你知道,争论的真正焦点是钱的问题。
16 uncertainty NlFwK     
n.易变,靠不住,不确知,不确定的事物
参考例句:
  • Her comments will add to the uncertainty of the situation.她的批评将会使局势更加不稳定。
  • After six weeks of uncertainty,the strain was beginning to take its toll.6个星期的忐忑不安后,压力开始产生影响了。
17 luring f0c862dc1e88c711a4434c2d1ab2867a     
吸引,引诱(lure的现在分词形式)
参考例句:
  • Cheese is very good for luring a mouse into a trap. 奶酪是引诱老鼠上钩的极好的东西。
  • Her training warned her of peril and of the wrong, subtle, mysterious, luring. 她的教养警告她:有危险,要出错儿,这是微妙、神秘而又诱人的。
18 longingly 2015a05d76baba3c9d884d5f144fac69     
adv. 渴望地 热望地
参考例句:
  • He looked longingly at the food on the table. 他眼巴巴地盯着桌上的食物。
  • Over drinks,he speaks longingly of his trip to Latin America. 他带着留恋的心情,一边喝酒一边叙述他的拉丁美洲之行。
19 interpretation P5jxQ     
n.解释,说明,描述;艺术处理
参考例句:
  • His statement admits of one interpretation only.他的话只有一种解释。
  • Analysis and interpretation is a very personal thing.分析与说明是个很主观的事情。
20 subterranean ssWwo     
adj.地下的,地表下的
参考例句:
  • London has 9 miles of such subterranean passages.伦敦像这样的地下通道有9英里长。
  • We wandered through subterranean passages.我们漫游地下通道。
21 unbearable alCwB     
adj.不能容忍的;忍受不住的
参考例句:
  • It is unbearable to be always on thorns.老是处于焦虑不安的情况中是受不了的。
  • The more he thought of it the more unbearable it became.他越想越觉得无法忍受。
22 abiding uzMzxC     
adj.永久的,持久的,不变的
参考例句:
  • He had an abiding love of the English countryside.他永远热爱英国的乡村。
  • He has a genuine and abiding love of the craft.他对这门手艺有着真挚持久的热爱。
23 retired Njhzyv     
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的
参考例句:
  • The old man retired to the country for rest.这位老人下乡休息去了。
  • Many retired people take up gardening as a hobby.许多退休的人都以从事园艺为嗜好。
24 heartily Ld3xp     
adv.衷心地,诚恳地,十分,很
参考例句:
  • He ate heartily and went out to look for his horse.他痛快地吃了一顿,就出去找他的马。
  • The host seized my hand and shook it heartily.主人抓住我的手,热情地和我握手。
25 marketing Boez7e     
n.行销,在市场的买卖,买东西
参考例句:
  • They are developing marketing network.他们正在发展销售网络。
  • He often goes marketing.他经常去市场做生意。
26 drawn MuXzIi     
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的
参考例句:
  • All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
  • Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。
27 recipient QA8zF     
a.接受的,感受性强的 n.接受者,感受者,容器
参考例句:
  • Please check that you have a valid email certificate for each recipient. 请检查是否对每个接收者都有有效的电子邮件证书。
  • Colombia is the biggest U . S aid recipient in Latin America. 哥伦比亚是美国在拉丁美洲最大的援助对象。
28 inquiry nbgzF     
n.打听,询问,调查,查问
参考例句:
  • Many parents have been pressing for an inquiry into the problem.许多家长迫切要求调查这个问题。
  • The field of inquiry has narrowed down to five persons.调查的范围已经缩小到只剩5个人了。
29 inspector q6kxH     
n.检查员,监察员,视察员
参考例句:
  • The inspector was interested in everything pertaining to the school.视察员对有关学校的一切都感兴趣。
  • The inspector was shining a flashlight onto the tickets.查票员打着手电筒查看车票。
30 detention 1vhxk     
n.滞留,停留;拘留,扣留;(教育)留下
参考例句:
  • He was kept in detention by the police.他被警察扣留了。
  • He was in detention in connection with the bribery affair.他因与贿赂事件有牵连而被拘留了。
31 condescended 6a4524ede64ac055dc5095ccadbc49cd     
屈尊,俯就( condescend的过去式和过去分词 ); 故意表示和蔼可亲
参考例句:
  • We had to wait almost an hour before he condescended to see us. 我们等了几乎一小时他才屈尊大驾来见我们。
  • The king condescended to take advice from his servants. 国王屈驾向仆人征求意见。
32 brewed 39ecd39437af3fe1144a49f10f99110f     
调制( brew的过去式和过去分词 ); 酝酿; 沏(茶); 煮(咖啡)
参考例句:
  • The beer is brewed in the Czech Republic. 这种啤酒是在捷克共和国酿造的。
  • The boy brewed a cup of coffee for his mother. 这男孩给他妈妈冲了一杯咖啡。 来自《简明英汉词典》
33 opposition eIUxU     
n.反对,敌对
参考例句:
  • The party leader is facing opposition in his own backyard.该党领袖在自己的党內遇到了反对。
  • The police tried to break down the prisoner's opposition.警察设法制住了那个囚犯的反抗。
34 inadequate 2kzyk     
adj.(for,to)不充足的,不适当的
参考例句:
  • The supply is inadequate to meet the demand.供不应求。
  • She was inadequate to the demands that were made on her.她还无力满足对她提出的各项要求。
35 woes 887656d87afcd3df018215107a0daaab     
困境( woe的名词复数 ); 悲伤; 我好苦哇; 某人就要倒霉
参考例句:
  • Thanks for listening to my woes. 谢谢您听我诉说不幸的遭遇。
  • She has cried the blues about its financial woes. 对于经济的困难她叫苦不迭。
36 treasury 7GeyP     
n.宝库;国库,金库;文库
参考例句:
  • The Treasury was opposed in principle to the proposals.财政部原则上反对这些提案。
  • This book is a treasury of useful information.这本书是有价值的信息宝库。
37 crux 8ydxw     
adj.十字形;难事,关键,最重要点
参考例句:
  • The crux of the matter is how to comprehensively treat this trend.问题的关键是如何全面地看待这种趋势。
  • The crux of the matter is that attitudes have changed.问题的要害是人们的态度转变了。
38 earnings rrWxJ     
n.工资收人;利润,利益,所得
参考例句:
  • That old man lives on the earnings of his daughter.那个老人靠他女儿的收入维持生活。
  • Last year there was a 20% decrease in his earnings.去年他的收入减少了20%。
39 marital SBixg     
adj.婚姻的,夫妻的
参考例句:
  • Her son had no marital problems.她的儿子没有婚姻问题。
  • I regret getting involved with my daughter's marital problems;all its done is to bring trouble about my ears.我后悔干涉我女儿的婚姻问题, 现在我所做的一切将给我带来无穷的烦恼。
40 begrudged 282239a9ab14ddf0734e88b4ef1b517f     
嫉妒( begrudge的过去式和过去分词 ); 勉强做; 不乐意地付出; 吝惜
参考例句:
  • She begrudged her friend the award. 她嫉妒她的朋友获奖。
  • Joey, you talk as if I begrudged it to you. 乔艾,你这话竟象是我小气,舍不得给你似的。
41 subsist rsYwy     
vi.生存,存在,供养
参考例句:
  • We are unable to subsist without air and water.没有空气和水我们就活不下去。
  • He could subsist on bark and grass roots in the isolated island.在荒岛上他只能靠树皮和草根维持生命。
42 plausible hBCyy     
adj.似真实的,似乎有理的,似乎可信的
参考例句:
  • His story sounded plausible.他说的那番话似乎是真实的。
  • Her story sounded perfectly plausible.她的说辞听起来言之有理。
43 fixed JsKzzj     
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的
参考例句:
  • Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗?
  • Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定,我们就不应该随意改变。
44 ultimatum qKqz7     
n.最后通牒
参考例句:
  • This time the proposal was couched as an ultimatum.这一次该提议是以最后通牒的形式提出来的。
  • The cabinet met today to discuss how to respond to the ultimatum.内阁今天开会商量如何应对这道最后通牒。
45 distressed du1z3y     
痛苦的
参考例句:
  • He was too distressed and confused to answer their questions. 他非常苦恼而困惑,无法回答他们的问题。
  • The news of his death distressed us greatly. 他逝世的消息使我们极为悲痛。
46 harassed 50b529f688471b862d0991a96b6a1e55     
adj. 疲倦的,厌烦的 动词harass的过去式和过去分词
参考例句:
  • He has complained of being harassed by the police. 他投诉受到警方侵扰。
  • harassed mothers with their children 带着孩子的疲惫不堪的母亲们
47 distrait 9l0zW     
adj.心不在焉的
参考例句:
  • The distrait boy is always losing his books.这个心不在焉的男孩老是丢书。
  • The distrait actress fluffed her lines.那位心不在焉的女演员忘了台词。
48 brutality MSbyb     
n.野蛮的行为,残忍,野蛮
参考例句:
  • The brutality of the crime has appalled the public. 罪行之残暴使公众大为震惊。
  • a general who was infamous for his brutality 因残忍而恶名昭彰的将军
49 frail yz3yD     
adj.身体虚弱的;易损坏的
参考例句:
  • Mrs. Warner is already 96 and too frail to live by herself.华纳太太已经九十六岁了,身体虚弱,不便独居。
  • She lay in bed looking particularly frail.她躺在床上,看上去特别虚弱。
50 sloppy 1E3zO     
adj.邋遢的,不整洁的
参考例句:
  • If you do such sloppy work again,I promise I'll fail you.要是下次作业你再马马虎虎,我话说在头里,可要给你打不及格了。
  • Mother constantly picked at him for being sloppy.母亲不断地批评他懒散。


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