A Note about Witches 关于女巫的话
A Note about Witches
In fairy-tales, witches always wear silly black hats and black cloaks, and they ride on
broomsticks.
But this is not a fairy-tale. This is about REAL WITCHES.
The most important thing you should know about REAL WITCHES is this. Listen very
carefully. Never forget what is coming next.
REAL WITCHES dress in ordinary clothes and look very much like ordinary women. They
live in ordinary houses and they work in ORDINARY JOBS.
That is why they are so hard to catch.
A REAL WITCH hates children with a red-hot sizzling hatred that is more sizzling and red-
hot than any hatred you could possibly imagine.
A REAL WITCH spends all her time plotting to get rid of the children in her particular
territory. Her passion is to do away with them, one by one. It is all she thinks about the whole day
long. Even if she is working as a cashier in a supermarket or typing letters for a businessman or
driving round in a fancy car (and she could be doing any of these things), her mind will always be
plotting and scheming and churning and burning and whizzing and phizzing with murderous
bloodthirsty thoughts.
"Which child," she says to herself all day long, "exactly which child shall I choose for my
next squelching?"
A REAL WITCH gets the same pleasure from squelching a child as you get from eating a
plateful of strawberries and thick cream.
She reckons on doing away with one child a week. Anything less than that and she becomes
grumpy.
One child a week is fifty-two a year.
Squish them and squiggle them and make them disappear.
That is the motto of all witches.
Very carefully a victim is chosen. Then the witch stalks the wretched child like a hunter
stalking a little bird in the forest. She treads softly. She moves quietly. She gets closer and closer.
Then at last, when everything is ready... phwisst!... and she swoops! Sparks fly. Flames leap. Oil
boils. Rats howl. Skin shrivels. And the child disappears.
A witch, you must understand, does not knock children on the head or stick knives into them
or shoot at them with a pistol. People who do those things get caught by the police.
A witch never gets caught. Don't forget that she has magic in her fingers and devilry dancing
in her blood. She can make stones jump about like frogs and she can make tongues of flame go
flickering across the surface of the water.
These magic powers are very frightening.
Luckily, there are not a great number of REAL WITCHES in the world today. But there are
still quite enough to make you nervous. In England, there are probably about one hundred of them
altogether. Some countries have more, others have not quite so many. No country in the world is
completely free from WITCHES.
A witch is always a woman.
I do not wish to speak badly about women. Most women are lovely. But the fact remains that
all witches are women. There is no such thing as a male witch.
On the other hand, a ghoul is always a male. So indeed is a barghest. Both are dangerous. Bu
neither of them is half as dangerous as a REAL WITCH.
As far as children are concerned, a REAL WITCH is easily the most dangerous of all the
living creatures on earth. What makes her doubly dangerous is the fact that she doesn't look
dangerous. Even when you know all the secrets (you will hear about those in a minute), you can still
never be quite sure whether it is a witch you are gazing at or just a kind lady. If a tiger were able to
make himself look like a large dog with a waggy tail, you would probably go up and pat him on the
head. And that would be the end of you. It is the same with witches. They all look like nice ladies.
Kindly examine the picture opposite. Which lady is the witch? That is a difficult question, but
it is one that every child must try to answer.
For all you know, a witch might be living next door to you right now.
Or she might be the woman with the bright eyes who sat opposite you on the bus this
morning.
She might be the lady with the dazzling smile who offered you a sweet from a white paper
bag in the street before lunch.
She might even--- and this will make you jump--- she might even be your lovely school-
teacher who is reading these words to you at this very moment. Look carefully at that teacher.
Perhaps she is smiling at the absurdity of such a suggestion. Don't let that put you off. It could be part
of her cleverness.
I am not, of course, telling you for one second that your teacher actually is a witch. All I am
saying is that she might be one. It is most unlikely. But--- and here comes the big "but"--- it is not
impossible.
Oh, if only there were a way of telling for sure whether a woman was a witch or not, then we
could round them all up and put them in the meat-grinder. Unhappily, there is no such way. But there
are a number of little signals you can look out for, little quirky habits that all witches have in
common, and if you know about these, if you remember them always, then you might just possibly
manage to escape from being squelched before you are very much older.


关于女巫的话
在童话里，女巫总是戴傻里傻气的黑帽子，披黑色斗篷，骑着把扫帚飞来飞去。
但现在要给大家讲的是真正的女巫，不是童话。
关于真正的女巫，有一点最重要，你们务必要知道，仔细听好了，下面的话可千万不要
忘掉。
真正的女巫穿平平常常的衣服，就像平平常常的女人，住平平常常的房屋，做平平常常
的工作。
这就是那么难发现她们的道理。
真正的女巫切齿痛恨小朋友，比你们能想象的切齿痛恨还要加十分，牙齿真是咬得嘎嘎
响。
真正的女巫个个把时间都用在阴谋消灭她本地的孩子上面，只想着把他们一个一个清除
掉。整天从早到晚，她所想的就只有这个。即使在超级市场当收银员的时候，或者给老板打
一封信的时候，或者开高级汽车到处兜风的时候（这一类事情她都能做），她心里仍然一直
在燃烧和沸腾着这种嗜血的杀人念头，并盘算、策划着她的杀人行动。
“哪个孩子，”她整天在想，“我接下来要弄死哪个孩子呢？”
真正的女巫杀死一个孩子所得到的乐趣，就像你吃了一盘奶油草莓一样。
她预定一星期干掉一个孩子，少了她就不顺心。
一星期一个孩子，一年就是五十二个。
弄死他们，消灭他们。
这就是所有女巫的座右铭。
她选定对象非常慎重，选定以后就像猎人在林中悄悄跟踪小鸟一样跟住这个倒霉的孩
子。她行动无声，越跟越近，等到万事皆备……哇！她一下子动手了！火花直冒，火焰腾
起，脂油沸滚，老鼠嘶叫，皮肤皱缩，孩子无影无踪了。
你必须明白，女巫绝不敲打孩子的脑袋，用刀子捅他们或者开枪。这样做会被警察捉住
的。
女巫从来不会被捕。别忘了她的手指有魔法，血液中跳动着妖术。她能使石块像青蛙那
样蹦蹦跳，使火舌在水面上闪动。
这种魔力是异常可怕的。
幸亏今天世界上真正的女巫不多了，但那数目还是够叫你紧张的。在英国，总共约有一
百个女巫。有些国家的女巫多些，有些国家少些，但世界上没有一个国家完全没有女巫。
女巫永远是女的。
我不想说女人的坏话。绝大多数女人是可爱的。但所有女巫都是女的，这依然是事实。
女巫没有一个是男的。
反过来说，食尸鬼都是男的。苏格兰的猛犬山妖也是男的。两者都同样危险。不过这两
者的危险程度及不上真正女巫的一半。
对孩子来说，真正的女巫无疑是世界上一切生物中最危险的。她之所以加倍危险，正是
因为她看上去毫不危险。即使知道了所有的秘密（你这就要听到），你仍然说不准你看到的
到底是女巫抑或只是一位善良的女人。如果一只老虎能化身为一只摇尾巴的大狗，你可能还
会走上去拍拍它的头。那你就没命了。女巫就是这样。她们看上去全是很好的女人。
请看看下面这幅画。你说哪个女人是女巫？这是一个很难回答的问题，但这个问题每个
孩子必须回答。
你也许不知道，女巫说不定就住在你家右面的那座房子里。
或者她就是今天早晨在公共汽车上坐在你对面的那个眼睛闪亮的女人。
她说不定就是午饭前在街上对你眉开眼笑、从一个白袋子里拿出一块糖来请你吃的那个
女人。
她甚至可能正是——你听了真会猛跳起来——这会儿在读这些话给你听的老师。请你仔
细看看这位老师。她读到这句荒唐的话时也许还对你微笑呢。别让她的这副样子蒙骗了你。
这可能是她的狡猾手法之一。
当然，我丝毫不是说你的老师真是一个女巫。我只是说她可能是一个女巫。百分之九十
九点九九九不会。但是——这是极重要的“但是”——也并非绝对不可能。
噢，要是有办法断定哪一个女人是女巫就好了，这样我们就能把她们全部识破，塞到绞
肉机里。不幸的是没有办法。不过所有女巫都有一些你可以看出来的小特征、奇怪的小习
惯，如果你知道它们，一直把它们记在心里，那么你长大前就有可能逃脱她们的毒手了。
My Grandmother 我的姥姥
My Grandmother
I myself had two separate encounters with witches before I was eight years old. From the first
I escaped unharmed, but on the second occasion I was not so lucky. Things happened to me that will
probably make you scream when you read about them. That can't be helped. The truth must be told.
The fact that I am still here and able to speak to you (however peculiar I may look) is due entirely to
my wonderful grandmother.
My grandmother was Norwegian. The Norwegians know all about witches, for Norway, with
its black forests and icy mountains, is where the first witches came from. My father and my mother
were also Norwegian, but because my father had a business in England, I had been born there and
had lived there and had started going to an English school. Twice a year, at Christmas and in the
summer, we went back to Norway to visit my grandmother. This old lady, as far as I could gather,
was just about the only surviving relative we had on either side of our family. She was my mother's
mother and I absolutely adored her. When she and I were together we spoke in either Norwegian or
in English. It didn't matter which. We were equally fluent in both languages, and I have to admit that
I felt closer to her than to my mother.
Soon after my seventh birthday, my parents took me as usual to spend Christmas with my
grandmother in Norway. And it was over there, while my father and mother and I were driving in icy
weather just north of Oslo, that our car skidded off the road and went tumbling down into a rocky
ravine. My parents were killed. I was firmly strapped into the back seat and received only a cut on the
forehead.
I won't go into the horrors of that terrible afternoon. I still get the shivers when I think about
it. I finished up, of course, back in my grandmother's house with her arms around me tight and both
of us crying the whole night long.
"What are we going to do now?" I asked her through the tears.
"You will stay here with me," she said, "and I will look after you."
"Aren't I going back to England?"
"No," she said. "I could never do that. Heaven shall take my soul, but Norway shall keep my
bones."
The very next day, in order that we might both try to forget our great sadness, my
grandmother started telling me stories. She was a wonderful story-teller and I was enthralled by
everything she told me. But I didn't become really excited until she got on to the subject of witches.
She was apparently a great expert on these creatures and she made it very clear to me that her witch
stories, unlike most of the others, were not imaginary tales. They were all true. They were the gospel
truth. They were history. Everything she was telling me about witches had actually happened and I
had better believe it. What was worse, what was far, far worse, was that witches were still with us.
They were all around us and I had better believe that, too.
"Are you really being truthful, Grandmamma? Really and truly truthful?"
"My darling," she said, "you won't last long in this world if you don't know how to spot a
witch when you see one."
"But you told me that witches look like ordinary women, Grandmamma. So how can I spot
them?"
"You must listen to me," my grandmother said. "You must remember everything I tell you.
After that, all you can do is cross your heart and pray to heaven and hope for the best."
We were in the big living-room of her house in Oslo and I was ready for bed. The curtains
were never drawn in that house, and through the windows I could see huge snowflakes falling slowly
on to an outside world that was as black as tar. My grandmother was tremendously old and wrinkled,
with a massive wide body which was smothered in grey lace. She sat there majestic in her armchair,
filling every inch of it. Not even a mouse could have squeezed in to sit beside her. I myself, just
seven years old, was crouched on the floor at her feet, wearing pyjamas, dressing-gown and slippers.
"You swear you aren't pulling my leg?" I kept saying to her. "You swear you aren't just
pretending?"
"Listen," she said, "I have known no less than five children who have simply vanished off the
face of this earth, never to be seen again. The witches took them."
"I still think you're just trying to frighten me," I said.
"I am trying to make sure you don't go the same way," she said. "I love you and I want you to
stay with me."
"Tell me about the children who disappeared," I said.
My grandmother was the only grandmother I ever met who smoked cigars. She lit one now, a
long black cigar that smelt of burning rubber. "The first child I knew who disappeared", she said,
"was called Ranghild Hansen. Ranghild was about eight at the time, and she was playing with her
little sister on the lawn. Their mother, who was baking bread in the kitchen, came outside for a breath
of air. 'Where's Ranghild?' she asked.
" 'She went away with the tall lady,' the little sister said.
" 'What tall lady?' the mother said.
" 'The tall lady in white gloves,' the little sister said. 'She took Ranghild by the hand and led
her away.' No one", my grandmother said, "ever saw Ranghild again."
"Didn't they search for her?" I asked.
"They searched for miles around. Everyone in the town helped, but they never found her."
"What happened to the other four children?" I asked.
"They vanished just as Ranghild did."
"How, Grandmamma? How did they vanish?"
"In every case a strange lady was seen outside the house, just before it happened."
"But how did they vanish?" I asked.
"The second one was very peculiar," my grandmother said. "There was a family called
Christiansen. They lived up on Holmenkollen, and they had an old oil-painting in the living room
which they were very proud of. The painting showed some ducks in the yard outside a farmhouse.
There were no people in the painting, just a flock of ducks on a grassy farmyard and the farmhouse in
the background. It was a large painting and rather pretty. Well, one day their daughter Solveg came
home from school eating an apple. She said a nice lady had given it to her on the street. The next
morning little Solveg was not in her bed. The parents searched everywhere but they couldn't find her.
Then all of a sudden her father shouted, 'There she is! That's Solveg feeding the ducks!' He was
pointing at the oil-painting, and sure enough Solveg was in it. She was standing in the farmyard in the
act of throwing bread to the ducks out of a basket. The father rushed up to the painting and touched
her. But that didn't help. She was simply a part of the painting, just a picture painted on the canvas."
"Did you ever see that painting, Grandmamma, with the little girl in it?"
"Many times," my grandmother said. "And the peculiar thing was that little Solveg kept
changing her position in the picture. One day she would actually be inside the farmhouse and you
could see her face looking out of the window. Another day she would be far over to the left with a
duck in her arms."
"Did you see her moving in the picture, Grandmamma?"
"Nobody did. Wherever she was, whether outside feeding the ducks or inside looking out of
the window, she was always motionless, just a figure painted in oils. It was all very odd," my
grandmother said. "Very odd indeed. And what was most odd of all was that as the years went by,
she kept growing older in the picture. In ten years, the small girl had become a young woman. In
thirty years, she was middle-aged. Then all at once, fifty four years after it all happened, she
disappeared from the picture altogether."
"You mean she died?" I said.
"Who knows?" my grandmother said. "Some very mysterious things go on in the world of
witches."
"That's two you've told me about," I said.
"What happened to the third one?"
"The third one was little Birgit Svenson," my grandmother said. "She lived just across the
road from us. One day she started growing feathers all over her body. Within a month, she had turned
into a large white chicken. Her parents kept her for years in a pen in the garden. She even laid eggs."
"What colour eggs?" I said.
"Brown ones," my grandmother said. "Biggest eggs I've ever seen in my life. Her mother
made omelettes out of them. Delicious they were."
I gazed up at my grandmother who sat there like some ancient queen on her throne. Her eyes
were misty-grey and they seemed to be looking at something many miles away. The cigar was the
only real thing about her at that moment, and the smoke it made billowed round her head in blue
clouds.
"But the little girl who became a chicken didn't disappear?" I said.
"No, not Birgit. She lived on for many years laying her brown eggs."
"You said all of them disappeared."
"I made a mistake," my grandmother said. "I am getting old. I can't remember everything."
"What happened to the fourth child?" I asked.
"The fourth was a boy called Harald, " my grandmother said. "One morning his skin went all
greyish-yellow. Then it became hard and crackly, like the shell of a nut. By evening, the boy had
turned to stone."
"Stone?" I said. "You mean real stone?"
"Granite," she said. "I'll take you to see him if you like. They still keep him in the house. He
stands in the hall, a little stone statue. Visitors lean their umbrellas up against him."
Although I was very young, I was not prepared to believe everything my grandmother told
me. And yet she spoke with such conviction, with such utter seriousness, and with never a smile on
her face or a twinkle in her eye, that I found myself beginning to wonder.
"Go on, Grandmamma," I said.
"You told me there were five altogether. What happened to the last one?"
"Would you like a puff of my cigar?" she said.
"I'm only seven, Grandmamma."
"I don't care what age you are," she said. "You'll never catch a cold if you smoke cigars."
"What about number five, Grandmamma?"
"Number five", she said, chewing the end of her cigar as though it were a delicious asparagus,
"was rather an interesting case. A nine-year-old boy called Leif was summer-holidaying with his
family on the fjord, and the whole family was picnicking and swimming off some rocks on one of
those little islands. Young Leif dived into the water and his father, who was watching him, noticed
that he stayed under for an unusually long time. When he came to the surface at last, he wasn't Leif
any more."
"What was he, Grandmamma?"
"He was a porpoise."
"He wasn't! He couldn't have been!"
"He was a lovely young porpoise," she said. "And as friendly as could be."
"Grandmamma," I said.
"Yes, my darling?"
"Did he really and truly turn into a porpoise?"
"Absolutely," she said. "I knew his mother well. She told me all about it. She told me how
Leif the Porpoise stayed with them all that afternoon giving his brothers and sisters rides on his back.
They had a wonderful time. Then he waved a flipper at them and swam away, never to be seen
again."
"But Grandmamma," I said, "how did they know that the porpoise was actually Leif?"
"He talked to them," my grandmother said. "He laughed and joked with them all the time he
was giving them rides."
"But wasn't there a most tremendous fuss when this happened?" I asked.
"Not much," my grandmother said. "You must remember that here in Norway we are used to
that sort of thing. There are witches everywhere. There's probably one living in our street this very
moment. It's time you went to bed."
"A witch wouldn't come in through my window in the night, would she?" I asked, quaking a
little.
"No," my grandmother said. "A witch will never do silly things like climbing up drainpipes or
breaking into people's houses. You'll be quite safe in your bed. Come along. I'll tuck you in."


我的姥姥
八岁前我两次遇上了女巫。第一次我安然脱险，但第二次就没有那么幸运了。你们读到
我所碰到的事情，准会急得叫起来。这也没有办法。我必须把事情原原本本地讲给你们听。
不过我到底还在这里，并且能够把我的遭遇告诉你们（不管我的模样看来多么古怪），这都
完全亏了我的了不起的姥姥。
我的姥姥是位挪威人。挪威人对女巫的事全知道，因为挪威有许多黑森林和冰封的高
山，最早的女巫正是出现在那里。我的父母也是挪威人，不过我的父亲在英国做生意。我出
生在英国，生活在英国，进了英国学校。一年两次，在圣诞节和暑假，我们回挪威去看我的
姥姥。据我记忆所及，这位老太太是我家父母双方唯一活着的亲戚。她是我母亲的母亲，我
极其爱她。她和我在一起的时候说挪威语和英语。我们说哪种语言都行。这两样语言我们说
起来同样流利。我不能不承认，我觉得我和她比和我母亲更亲密。
我的七岁生日过后不久，我的父母照常带我到挪威去和我姥姥一起过圣诞节。就是在那
里，有一次我的父母和我在严寒天气里坐车行驶在奥斯陆以北时，我们的汽车滑出大路，翻
到岩石深谷里去了。我的父母因此丧生，而我因为被牢牢地拴在汽车后座上，只有前额受了
点伤。
我不愿讲那个可怕的下午发生的那件可怕的事。想到它我还会发抖。自然，我最后回到
了姥姥家。她用双臂紧紧地搂抱着我，两个人哭了一夜。
“我们现在怎么办呢？”我透过泪水问她。
“你和我住在这里，”她说，“我会照顾你的。”
“我不回英国去了吗？”
“不去了，”她说，“我不能去。天堂将收留我的灵魂，但挪威将保存我的骨头。”
第二天，为了我们两个都能忘却我们巨大的悲痛，我姥姥开始给我讲故事。她是一位了
不起的讲故事大王，我被她给我讲的每一个故事迷住了。但直到她讲到了女巫，我这才真正
激动起来。对女巫她显然是位大专家。她对我说明，她这些女巫故事不同于大多数故事，不
是想象出来的。它们都是真的，千真万确。它们都是事实。她给我讲的关于女巫的每一件事
都真正发生过，我最好相信它们。更糟糕，更糟糕得多的是女巫还存在于我们中间。她们就
在我们周围，我最好也相信这件事。
“你说的当真是真话吗，姥姥？真而又真的真话吗？”
“我的小宝贝，”她说，“如果碰到女巫认不出来，那你在这个世界上就活不长了。”
“可是你对我说过女巫像平平常常的女人，姥姥，那我怎么能认出她们来呢？”
“你必须好好听我说，”我姥姥说，“你必须记住我对你说的每一句话。即便做到了这一
点，你也只能在胸口画十字，祈求上天保佑，希望一切逢凶化吉了。”
这时候我们是在奥斯陆她家的大客厅里，我已经准备好上床睡觉了。这房子的窗帘是从
来不拉上的，透过窗子我能看到漆黑的窗外大雪飘落。我的姥姥很老了，满脸皱纹，宽阔的
身体穿着灰色的花边裙子。她端坐在她的扶手椅上，把椅子撑得满满的，连一点空隙也没
有，老鼠也钻不进去。我刚满七岁，坐在她脚旁的地板上，穿着睡衣、睡裤、睡袍和拖鞋。
“你发誓，你不是哄我吧？”我一个劲儿地对她说，“你发誓，你不是骗我吧？”
“听着，”她说，“我知道至少有五个孩子一下子从地球上消失了，再也没有人见过他们。
是女巫把他们消灭了。”
“我还是认为你只是想吓唬我。”我说。
“我只想使你绝不要重蹈覆辙，”她说，“我爱你，我要你和我在一起。”
“告诉我那几个孩子是怎么不见了的。”我说。
我姥姥是我见过的唯一一位抽雪茄的姥姥。现在她点起一支，那是支黑色的长雪茄，它
冒出一股烧橡胶似的气味。“我认识的第一个不见了的孩子，”她说，“叫做兰希尔德•汉森。当
时兰希尔德约八岁，她正和小妹妹在草地上玩。她们的妈妈在厨房里烤面包，出来要透口
气。‘兰希尔德呢？’她问小女儿。
“‘她和一个高个太太走了。’小妹妹回答。
“‘一个戴白手套的高个太太，’小妹妹说，‘她牵着姐姐的手把她带走了。’再也没有人看
见过这个兰希尔德。”
“没有去找她吗？”我问道。
“大家在方圆几英里内找了个遍，城里的人也个个帮忙，但是没有找到她。”
“那么另外四个孩子呢？”我问道。
“都跟兰希尔德一样不见了。”
“他们是怎样，姥姥，是怎样不见的？”
“每次出事前，房子外面总看到一个奇怪的女人。”
“可他们是怎样不见了的？”
“第二个很古怪，”我姥姥说，“有一家人姓克里斯蒂安森，住在霍尔门科伦。在他们家的
客厅里有一幅令他们十分自豪的旧油画。油画上有几只鸭子在农舍外面的草地上。油画上没
有人，只有草地上的一群鸭子和作为背景的一座农舍。这幅画很大很好看。有一天他们的女
儿索尔维格放学回家时吃着一个苹果。她说是街上一位好太太给她的。第二天早晨索尔维格
不在床上。父母到处找也找不到她。忽然她的爸爸叫起来：‘她在那里！是索尔维格在喂鸭
子！’他指着那幅画，索尔维格真的在上面。她站在草地上，正从篮子里拿出面包屑来扔给鸭
子。爸爸扑到画前面去摸她，但是没有用。她只是画的一部分，是画在帆布上的。”
“你见过那幅画吗，姥姥，有那小姑娘在上面的？”
“见得多了，”我姥姥说，“更奇怪的是，小索尔维格在画上老是变换位置。一天她在农舍
里，可以看到她露出脸从窗口往外看。另一天她在画的左边，抱着一只鸭子。”
“你看见过她在画里动吗，姥姥？”
“没有人见过。无论她在哪里，是在外面喂鸭子还是从窗口往外看，她都是不动的，就是
个油画人像，太奇怪了。”我姥姥说，“实在奇怪。但最奇怪的是，她在画里会随着时间长
大。十年后她从小姑娘变成了大姑娘。三十年后她到了中年。到事情发生五十四年后，她从
画上一下子消失了。”
“你是说她死啦？”我说。
“谁知道！”我姥姥说，“在女巫世界里有些事情稀奇古怪。”
“你讲过两个了，”我说，“那么第三个碰到什么事了呢？”
“第三个是小比吉特•斯文松。”我姥姥说，“她就住在我家马路对面。有一天她开始全身长
出羽毛。一个月后她就变成了一只大白鸡。她的父母把她养在花园里的一个鸡舍里。她还下
蛋呢。”
“蛋是什么颜色的？”我问。
“棕色的，”我姥姥说，“是我有生以来见过的最大的蛋。她的妈妈用它们做煎蛋，好吃极
了。”
我抬头看着姥姥，她坐在那里像个古代女王坐在宝座上。她的眼睛是灰色的，像在看着
许多英里外的什么东西。这时候只有雪茄是真实的东西，它冒出的蓝烟在她的头上缭绕。
“但变成鸡的小姑娘没有失踪？”我说。
“没有，比吉特没有失踪。她活了许多年，下她那些棕色的蛋。”
“你说过他们全不见了。”
“那是我说错了，”我姥姥说，“我老了。我不能把什么都记住。”
“第四个孩子又发生了什么呢？”我问道。
“第四个是男孩，叫哈拉德。”我姥姥说，“有一天早晨，他的皮肤全变成了灰黄色的，接
着开始变硬，像个果壳。到晚上他已经变成了石头。”
“石头？”我说，“你是说真正的石头？”
“花岗石，”她说，“你高兴的话，我可以带你去看他。他们仍旧把他保存在房子里。他站
在门厅里，像一个小石像。客人把他们的雨伞都靠在他身上。”
虽然我还小，但是我不准备相信我姥姥告诉我的每一句话。但她说得言之凿凿，严肃认
真，脸一点不笑，连眼睛也不眨。我开始犹豫了。
“说下去吧，姥姥，”我说，“你对我说是五个。最后一个怎么样了？”
“你想吸一口我的雪茄吗？”她说。
“我只有七岁，姥姥。”
“我不管你几岁，”她说，“抽雪茄不会得感冒。”
“第五个怎么啦，姥姥？”
“第五个，”她像嚼好吃的芦笋那样嚼着雪茄烟头说，“那是件十分有趣的事。他是个九岁
的男孩，叫莱夫，正跟家人在海湾过暑假。这天全家在一个岛上野餐游泳。小莱夫潜到了水
里。他的父母在岸边看着他，觉得他在水下待得时间特别长。等到他最后浮上来时，他已经
不是莱夫了。”
“他是什么呢，姥姥？”
“是一条海豚。”
“不可能！他不可能变成一条海豚！”
“他是变成了一条可爱的小海豚，”她说，“而且极其友好。”
“姥姥。”我说。
“什么事啊，我的小宝贝？”
“他千真万确变成了一条海豚了吗？”
“绝对不假，”她说，“我跟他的妈妈很熟。全是她告诉我的。她说那天整个下午莱夫变成
的那条海豚都和他们待在一起，让他的弟弟妹妹骑着他在水里玩。他们玩得开心极了。后来
他向他们摇摇他的鳍，就游走了，从此以后他们再也没有见过他。”
“可是姥姥，”我说，“他们怎么知道那海豚真是莱夫呢？”
“他跟他们说话呀，”我姥姥说，“他让他们骑的时候一直哈哈大笑，说笑话。”
“发生这样的事，那时候不是要闹翻天吗？”我问道。
“没怎么闹。”我姥姥说，“你要记住，在我们挪威这儿，这种事司空见惯。到处都有女
巫。就在这会儿，也许我们这条街就有一个。现在你该上床睡觉了。”
“夜里女巫不会从我的窗口进来吗？”我有点发抖地问道。
“不会，”我姥姥说，“女巫从不做攀着水管溜进别人家里这样的傻事。你在床上完全安
全。来吧，我来给你塞好被子。”
How to Recognise a Witch 如何识别女巫
How to Recognise a Witch
The next evening, after my grandmother had given me my bath, she took me once again into
the living-room for another story.
"Tonight," the old woman said, "I am going to tell you how to recognise a witch when you
see one."
"Can you always be sure?" I asked.
"No," she said, "you can't. And that's the trouble. But you can make a pretty good guess."
She was dropping cigar ash all over her lap, and I hoped she wasn't going to catch on fire
before she'd told me how to recognise a witch.
"In the first place," she said, "a REAL WITCH is certain always to be wearing gloves when
you meet her."
"Surely not always," I said. "What about in the summer when it's hot?"
"Even in the summer," my grandmother said. "She has to. Do you want to know why?"
"Why?" I said.
"Because she doesn't have finger-nails. Instead of fingernails, she has thin curvy claws, like a
cat, and she wears the gloves to hide them. Mind you, lots of very respectable women wear gloves,
especially in winter, so this doesn't help you very much."
"Mamma used to wear gloves," I said.
"Not in the house," my grandmother said. "Witches wear gloves even in the house. They only
take them off when they go to bed."
"How do you know all this, Grandmamma?"
"Don't interrupt," she said. "Just take it all in. The second thing to remember is that a REAL
WITCH is always bald."
"Bald?" I said.
"Bald as a boiled egg," my grandmother said.
I was shocked. There was something indecent about a bald woman. "Why are they bald,
Grandmamma?"
"Don't ask me why," she snapped. "But you can take it from me that not a single hair grows
on a witch's head."
"How horrid!"
"Disgusting," my grandmother said.
"If she's bald, she'll be easy to spot," I said.
"Not at all," my grandmother said. "A REAL WITCH always wears a wig to hide her
baldness. She wears a first-class wig. And it is almost impossible to tell a really first-class wig from
ordinary hair unless you give it a pull to see if it comes off."
"Then that's what I'll have to do," I said.
"Don't be foolish," my grandmother said. "You can't go round pulling at the hair of every lady
you meet, even if she is wearing gloves. just you try it and see what happens."
"So that doesn't help much either," I said.
"None of these things is any good on its own," my grandmother said. "It's only when you put
them all together that they begin to make a little sense. Mind you," my grandmother went on, "these
wigs do cause a rather serious problem for witches."
"What problem, Grandmamma?"
"They make the scalp itch most terribly," she said. "You see, when an actress wears a wig, or
if you or I were to wear a wig, we would be putting it on over our own hair, but a witch has to put it
straight on to her naked scalp. And the underneath of a wig is always very rough and scratchy. It sets
up a frightful itch on the bald skin. It causes nasty sores on the head. Wig-rash, the witches call it.
And it doesn't half itch."
"What other things must I look for to recognise a witch?" I asked.
"Look for the nose-holes," my grandmother said. "Witches have slightly larger nose-holes
than ordinary people. The rim of each nose-hole is pink and curvy, like the rim of a certain kind of
seashell."
"Why do they have such big nose-holes?" I asked.
"For smelling with," my grandmother said. "A REAL WITCH has the most amazing powers
of smell. She can actually smell out a child who is standing on the other side of the street on a pitch-
black night."
"She couldn't smell me," I said. "I've just had a bath."
"Oh yes she could," my grandmother said. "The cleaner you happen to be, the more smelly
you are to a witch."
"That can't be true," I said.
"An absolutely clean child gives off the most ghastly stench to a witch," my grandmother
said. "The dirtier you are, the less you smell."
"But that doesn't make sense, Grandmamma."
"Oh yes it does," my grandmother said. "It isn't the dirt that the witch is smelling. It is you.
The smell that drives a witch mad actually comes right out of your own skin. It comes oozing out of
your skin in waves, and these waves, stink-waves the witches call them, go floating through the air
and hit the witch right smack in her nostrils. They send her reeling."
"Now wait a minute, Grandmamma..."
"Don't interrupt," she said. "The point is this. When you haven't washed for a week and your
skin is all covered over with dirt, then quite obviously the stink-waves cannot come oozing out nearly
so strongly."
"I shall never have a bath again," I said.
"Just don't have one too often," my grandmother said. "Once a month is quite enough for a
sensible child."
It was at moments like these that I loved my grandmother more than ever.
"Grandmamma," I said, "if it's a dark night, how can a witch smell the difference between a
child and a grown-up?"
"Because grown-ups don't give out stink-waves," she said. "Only children do that."
"But I don't really give out stink-waves, do I?" I said. "I'm not giving them out at this very
moment, am I?"
"Not to me you aren't," my grandmother said. "To me you are smelling like raspberries and
cream. But to a witch you would be smelling absolutely disgusting."
"What would I be smelling of?" I asked.
"Dogs' droppings," my grandmother said.
I reeled. I was stunned. "Dogs' droppings!" I cried. "I am not smelling of dogs' droppings! I
don't believe it! I won't believe it!"
"What's more," my grandmother said, speaking with a touch of relish, "to a witch you'd be
smelling of fresh dogs' droppings."
"That simply is not true!" I cried. "I know I am not smelling of dogs' droppings, stale or
fresh!"
"There's no point in arguing about it," my grandmother said. "It's a fact of life."
I was outraged. I simply couldn't bring myself to believe what my grandmother was telling
me.
"So if you see a woman holding her nose as she passes you in the street," she went on, "that
woman could easily be a witch."
I decided to change the subject. "Tell me what else to look for in a witch," I said.
"The eyes," my grandmother said. "Look carefully at the eyes, because the eyes of a REAL
WITCH are different from yours and mine. Look in the middle of each eye where there is normally a
little black dot. If she is a witch, the black dot will keep changing colour, and you will see fire and
you will see ice dancing right in the very centre of the coloured dot. It will send shivers running all
over your skin."
My grandmother leant back in her chair and sucked away contentedly at her foul black cigar. I
squatted on the floor, staring up at her, fascinated. She was not smiling. She looked deadly serious.
"Are there other things?" I asked her.
"Of course there are other things," my grandmother said. "You don't seem to understand that
witches are not actually women at all. They look like women. They talk like women. And they are
able to act like women. But in actual fact, they are totally different animals. They are demons in
human shape. That is why they have claws and bald heads and queer noses and peculiar eyes, all of
which they have to conceal as best they can from the rest of the world."
"What else is different about them, Grandmamma?"
"The feet," she said. "Witches never have toes."
"No toes!" I cried. "Then what do they have?"
"They just have feet," my grandmother said. "The feet have square ends with no toes on them
at all."
"Does that make it difficult to walk?" I asked.
"Not at all," my grandmother said. "But it does give them a problem with their shoes. All
ladies like to wear small rather pointed shoes, but a witch, whose feet are very wide and square at the
ends, has the most awful job squeezing her feet into those neat little pointed shoes."
"Why doesn't she wear wide comfy shoes with square ends?" I asked.
"She dare not," my grandmother said. "Just as she hides her baldness with a wig, she must
also hide her ugly witch's feet by squeezing them into pretty shoes."
"Isn't that terribly uncomfortable?" I said.
"Extremely uncomfortable," my grandmother said. "But she has to put up with it."
"If she's wearing ordinary shoes, it won't help me to recognise her, will it, Grandmamma?"
"I'm afraid it won't," my grandmother said. "You might possibly see her limping very slightly,
but only if you were watching closely."
"Are those the only differences then, Grandmamma?"
"There's one more," my grandmother said. "Just one more."
"What is it, Grandmamma?"
"Their spit is blue."
"Blue!" I cried. "Not blue! Their spit can't be blue!"
"Blue as a bilberry," she said.
"You don't mean it, Grandmamma! Nobody can have blue spit!"
"Witches can," she said.
"Is it like ink?" I asked.
"Exactly," she said. "They even use it to write with. They use those old-fashioned pens that
have nibs and they simply lick the nib."
"Can you notice the blue spit, Grandmamma? If a witch was talking to me, would I be able to
notice it?"
"Only if you looked carefully," my grandmother said.
"If you looked very carefully you would probably see a slight blueish tinge on her teeth. But it
doesn't show much."
"It would if she spat," I said.
"Witches never spit," my grandmother said. "They daren't."
I couldn't believe my grandmother would be lying to me. She went to church every morning
of the week and she said grace before every meal, and somebody who did that would never tell lies. I
was beginning to believe every word she spoke.
"So there you are," my grandmother said. "That's about all I can tell you. None of it is very
helpful. You can still never be absolutely sure whether a woman is a witch or not just by looking at
her. But if she is wearing the gloves, if she has the large nose-holes, the queer eyes and the hair that
looks as though it might be a wig, and if she has a blueish tinge on her teeth--- if she has all of these
things, then you run like mad."
"Grandmamma," I said, "when you were a little girl, did you ever meet a witch?"
"Once," my grandmother said. "Only once."
"What happened?"
"I'm not going to tell you," she said. "It would frighten you out of your skin and give you bad
dreams."
"Please tell me," I begged.
"No," she said. "Certain things are too horrible to talk about."
"Does it have something to do with your missing thumb?" I asked.
Suddenly, her old wrinkled lips shut tight as a pair of tongs and the hand that held the cigar
(which had no thumb on it.) began to quiver very slightly.
I waited. She didn't look at me. She didn't speak. All of a sudden she had shut herself off
completely. The conversation was finished.
"Goodnight, Grandmamma," I said, rising from the floor and kissing her on the cheek.
She didn't move. I crept out of the room and went to my bedroom.


如何识别女巫
第二天晚上，姥姥给我洗好澡，又把我带到客厅里去讲她的故事。
“今天晚上，”我姥姥说，“我来告诉你，看见女巫怎样识别她。”
“你拿得准吗？”我问道。
“不，”她说，“不能。麻烦就在这里，但可以猜个八九不离十。”
她把雪茄烟灰弄得满膝盖上都是。我希望在她告诉我如何识别女巫之前，她的衣服可不
要烧起来。
“第一，”她说，“你看到真正的女巫时，她总是戴着手套。”
“绝不会总是的，”我说，“夏天那么热，怎么戴手套啊？”
“夏天也戴，”我姥姥说，“她也只能戴着。你想知道为什么吗？”
“为什么？”我说。
“因为她没有手指甲，只有薄薄的弯爪子，像猫那样。她得戴手套遮掩它们。告诉你，许
多尊贵的太太小姐都戴手套，特别在冬天，因此靠这个你很难识别。”
“妈妈就一向戴手套。”我说。
“在家里不戴。”我姥姥说，“可女巫连在房子里也戴。她们只有上了床才不戴。”
“这些你是怎么知道的，姥姥？”
“不要打断我的话，”她说，“听着就是了。第二件事是要记住：真正的女巫都是秃子。”
“秃子？”我说。
“秃得像只煮鸡蛋。”我姥姥说。
我吃了一惊。一个秃头女人太不像样了。“她们为什么会是秃子啊，姥姥？”
“别问为什么。”她厉声说，“但你记住，女巫头上连一根头发也不长。”
“那么可怕！”
“恶心。”我姥姥说。
“她既然是秃子，那很容易认出来。”我说。
“根本不容易，”我姥姥说，“真正的女巫总是戴上假发遮住她的秃头。那是第一流的假
发。第一流的假发和真头发根本分不出来，除非你去拉它，看看能不能把它拉下来。”
“那我就去拉它。”我说。
“别说傻话了，”我姥姥说，“你不能碰到每一位太太都去拉她的头发，哪怕她是戴着手套
的。你就拉拉看吧，看会闹出什么事情来。”
“这么说，这也没有用。”我说。
“所有这些事分开来看毫无用处，”我姥姥说，“只有把它们合在一起看才有点意思。告诉
你，”我姥姥说下去，“这种假发给女巫带来很大的麻烦。”
“什么麻烦啊，姥姥？”
“它使头皮痒得厉害。”她说，“你知道，演员戴假发，或你我戴假发，是把假发戴在自己
的头发上面的，而女巫是直接戴在她的光头皮上。假发底部总是很粗糙，这就使光头皮发痒
了，又痒又痛。女巫称之为‘假发疹’。它痒得非同小可。”
“识别女巫我还必须注意什么呢？”我问道。
“注意鼻孔，”我姥姥说，“女巫的鼻孔比平常人的大，边上粉红色，弯弯曲曲，像贝壳的
边。”
“她们为什么要那么大的鼻孔呢？”我问道。
“为了嗅气味呀，”我姥姥说，“真正的女巫有最厉害的嗅觉能力。在漆黑的夜里她能嗅出
马路对面的孩子味。”
“她嗅不出我来，”我说，“我刚洗了澡。”
“噢，她能把你嗅出来，”我姥姥说，“越干净女巫嗅起来气味越大。”
“这不可能。”我说。
“完全干净的孩子女巫嗅上去最臭，”我姥姥说，“倒是越肮脏气味越少。”
“这话毫无道理，姥姥。”
“有道理。”我姥姥说，“女巫要嗅的不是脏，而是你。女巫追寻的正是你皮肤里透出来的
气味。它像波浪似的冒出来，这种波浪女巫称之为臭气波。它通过空气传到她的鼻孔里。它
们使她头晕。”
“等一等，姥姥……”
“别打断我的话，”她说，“主要的一点就在这里。如果你一个星期不洗澡，皮肤上全是脏
东西，臭气波显然就不那么强烈了。”
“那我再也不洗澡了。”我说。
“只要少洗点就行，”我姥姥说，“对于一个聪明的孩子，一个月洗一次就很够了。”
姥姥说出这种话的时候，我更爱她了。
“姥姥，”我说，“黑夜里女巫怎么能嗅出是孩子还是大人呢？”
“因为大人不发出臭气波，”她说，“只有孩子才发出来。”
“我不会发出臭气波吧？”我说，“此时此刻，我并不发出臭气波吧？”
“对我来说是这样。”我姥姥说，“对我来说你只发出草莓和奶油的香气。但对女巫来说你
的气味可能糟透了。”
“会嗅出我什么气味呢？”我问道。
“狗屎气味。”我姥姥说。
我的头都晕了。我愣住了。“狗屎！”我叫道，“我不发出狗屎气味！我不相信！我不能相
信！”
“不仅如此，”我姥姥口气里带点刺地说，“对女巫来说，你的气味是新鲜狗屎的气味。”
“简直不可能！”我叫道，“我知道我的气味不可能是狗屎的气味，不管是陈狗屎还是新鲜
狗屎！”
“争也没用，”我姥姥说，“这是事实。”
我生气了。我简直不能相信我姥姥对我说的话。
“因此，如果你看见一个女人在街上经过你身边时捏着鼻子，”她说下去，“那女人就有可
能是个女巫。”
我决定改变话题。“再讲点我在女巫身上要注意的别的东西吧。”我说。
“眼睛，”我姥姥说，“仔细看眼睛，因为真正的女巫的眼睛和你我的不同。只要看眼睛当
中通常是小黑点的那个地方，如果是女巫，这个点子一直在变色。你在这点子正中央可以看
到火和冰在跳动。它们使你浑身起鸡皮疙瘩。”
我姥姥向后靠在椅子上，满意地吸着她那支难闻的黑雪茄烟。我跪在地板上抬头看她，
愣住了。她不是在微笑。她看上去极其严肃。
“还有别的吗？”我问她。
“当然有，”我姥姥说，“你似乎不明白，女巫实际上根本不是女人。她们样子像女人。她
们说话像女人。她们一举一动扮女人。但实际上她们是完全不同的动物。她们是装扮成人的
恶魔，所以她们有爪子、秃头、怪鼻子和怪眼睛，这些东西她们要尽力遮掩住不让人知道。”
“她们还有什么特别的地方呢，姥姥？”
“脚，”她说，“女巫的脚没有脚趾。”
“没有脚趾！”我叫起来，“那她们有什么？”
“她们就只有脚，”我姥姥说，“脚是方头的，上面根本没有脚趾。”
“走起路来有两样吗？”我问道。
“完全没有两样。”我姥姥说，“但这使她们的鞋子很成问题。所有的太太小姐都爱穿细巧
的尖头皮鞋，但女巫的脚前面又宽又方，把它们挤进尖头小鞋里去真是苦不堪言。”
“那她为什么不穿宽大舒服的方头皮鞋呢？”我问。
“她不敢，”我姥姥说，“就像用假发掩盖秃头一样，她必须遮盖她那难看的女巫脚，硬把
它们挤到漂亮的鞋子里去。”
“那不是难受得要命吗？”我说。
“难受到极点了，”我姥姥说，“但她只好忍着。”
“要是她穿普通鞋子，我就认不出她来了，对吗，姥姥？”
“恐怕是认不出来了，”我姥姥说，“你可能看到她走路有点儿瘸，但要非常仔细地看才能
看出来。”
“不同的地方就这些了吗，姥姥？”
“还有一样，”我姥姥说，“只有一样了。”
“还有一样什么，姥姥？”
“她们吐的口水是蓝色的。”
“蓝色的！”我叫道，“不会是蓝色的！她们的口水不可能是蓝色！”
“蓝得和越橘的颜色一样。”她说。
“你这话不是真的，姥姥！没有人会有蓝色的口水！”
“女巫有。”她说。
“像蓝墨水一样吗？”我问。
“一模一样，”她说，“她们甚至用它写字。她们写字用带笔尖的老式钢笔，舔舔笔尖就能
写了。”
“蓝色口水看得出来吗，姥姥？女巫跟我说话，我能看到它吗？”
“只有仔细看才行。”我姥姥说。“如果仔细看，可能看到她的牙齿上有淡淡的蓝色痕迹，
但看不大清楚。”
“她吐口水就能看出来了。”我说。
“女巫从来不吐口水，”我姥姥说，“她们不敢吐。”
我不能相信我姥姥会对我说谎。一星期七天她天天早晨都上礼拜堂，每顿饭前都要祷
告，这样做的人是不会说谎的。我开始相信她说的每个字了。
“好了，”我姥姥说，“我能告诉你的就是这些，没有一条靠得住。看到女巫你仍旧无法断
定她是不是女巫。不过如果她所有的特征都一应俱全—戴手套，有大鼻孔和怪眼睛，头发像
是假的，牙齿上有蓝色痕迹—那么你最好还是拼命逃走。”
“姥姥，”我说，“你小时候碰到过女巫吗？”
“碰到过一次，”我姥姥说，“仅仅一次。”
“出什么事了？”
“我不告诉你。”她说，“说出来会把你吓坏的，会使你做噩梦的。”
“请你告诉我吧。”我求她。
“不，”她说，“有些事情说出来太可怕了。”
“它和你少了一个大拇指有什么关系吗？”我问道。
她打皱的嘴唇忽然紧闭得像一把钳子，拿着雪茄烟的手（那只手少了个大拇指）开始微
微颤动。
我等着。她不看我。她不说话。她一下子完全住了口。我们的谈话到此结束。
“晚安，姥姥。”我从地板上站起来，吻着她的脸颊说。
她一动不动。我溜出客厅回到我的卧室去了。
The Grand High Witch 女巫大王
The Grand High Witch
The next day, a man in a black suit arrived at the house carrying a brief-case, and he held a
long conversation with my grandmother in the livingroom. I was not allowed in while he was there,
but when at last he went away, my grandmother came in to me, walking very slowly and looking
very sad.
"That man was reading me your father's will," she said.
"What is a will?" I asked her.
"It is something you write before you die," she said. "And in it you say who is going to have
your money and your property. But most important of all, it says who is going to look after your child
if both the mother and father are dead."
A fearful panic took hold of me. "It did say you, Grandmamma?" I cried. "I don't have to go
to somebody else, do I?"
"No," she said. "Your father would never have done that. He has asked me to take care of you
for as long as I live, but he has also asked that I take you back to your own house in England. He
wants us to stay there."
"But why?" I said. "Why can't we stay here in Norway? You would hate to live anywhere
else! You told me you would!"
"I know," she said. "But there are a lot of complications with money and with the house that
you wouldn't understand. Also, it said in the will that although all your family is Norwegian, you
were born in England and you have started your education there and he wants you to continue going
to English schools."
"Oh Grandmamma!" I cried. "You don't want to go and live in our English house, I know you
don't!"
"Of course I don't," she said. "But I am afraid I must. The will said that your mother felt the
same way about it, and it is important to respect the wishes of the parents."
There was no way out of it. We had to go to England, and my grandmother started making
arrangements at once. "Your next school term begins in a few days," she said, "so we don't have any
time to waste."
On the evening before we left for England, my grandmother got on to her favourite subject
once again. "There are not as many witches in England as there are in Norway," she said.
"I'm sure I won't meet one," I said.
"I sincerely hope you won't," she said, "because those English witches are probably the most
vicious in the whole world."
As she sat there smoking her foul cigar and talking away, I kept looking at the hand with the
missing thumb. I couldn't help it. I was fascinated by it and I kept wondering what awful thing had
happened that time when she had met a witch. It must have been something absolutely appalling and
gruesome otherwise she would have told me about it. Maybe the thumb had been twisted off. Or
perhaps she had been forced to jam her thumb down the spout of a boiling kettle until it was steamed
away. Or did someone pull it out of her hand like a tooth? I couldn't help trying to guess.
"Tell me what those English witches do, Grandmamma," I said.
"Well," she said, sucking away at her stinking cigar, "their favourite ruse is to mix up a
powder that will turn a child into some creature or other that all grown-ups hate."
"What sort of a creature, Grandmamma?"
"Often it's a slug," she said. "A slug is one of their favourites. Then the grown-ups step on the
slug and squish it without knowing it's a child."
"That's perfectly beastly!" I cried.
"Or it might be a flea," my grandmother said. "They might turn you into a flea, and without
realising what she was doing your own mother would get out the flea-powder and then it's goodbye
you."
"You're making me nervous, Grandmamma. I don't think I want to go back to England."
"I've known English witches", she went on, "who have turned children into pheasants and
then sneaked the pheasants up into the woods the very day before the pheasant-shooting season
opened."
"Owch," I said. "So they get shot?
"Of course they get shot," she said. "And then they get plucked and roasted and eaten for
supper."
I pictured myself as a pheasant flying frantically over the men with the guns, swerving and
dipping as the guns exploded below me.
"Yes," my grandmother said, "it gives the English witches great pleasure to stand back and
watch the grown-ups doing away with their own children."
"I really don't want to go to England, Grandmamma."
"Of course you don't," she said. "Nor do I. But I'm afraid we've got to."
"Are witches different in every country?" I asked.
"Completely different," my grandmother said. "But I don't know much about the other
countries."
"Don't you even know about America?" I asked.
"Not really," she answered. "Although I have heard it said that over there the witches are able
to make the grown-ups eat their own children."
"Never!" I cried. "Oh no, Grandmamma! That couldn't be true!"
"I don't know whether it's true or not," she said. "It's only a rumour I've heard."
"But how could they possibly make them eat their own children?" I asked.
"By turning them into hot-dogs," she said. "That wouldn't be too difficult for a clever witch."
"Does every single country in the world have its witches?" I asked.
"Wherever you find people, you find witches," my grandmother said. "There is a Secret
Society of Witches in every country."
"And do they all know one another, Grandmamma?"
"They do not," she said. "A witch only knows the witches in her own country. She is strictly
forbidden to communicate with any foreign witches. But an English witch, for example, will know all
the other witches in England. They are all friends. They ring each other up. They swop deadly
recipes. Goodness knows what else they talk about. I hate to think."
I sat on the floor, watching my grandmother. She put her cigar stub in the ashtray and folded
her hands across her stomach. "Once a year," she went on, "the witches of each separate country hold
their own secret meeting. They all get together in one place to receive a lecture from The Grand High
Witch Of All The World."
"From who?" I cried.
"She is the ruler of them all," my grandmother said. "She is all-powerful. She is without
mercy. All other witches are petrified of her. They see her only once a year at their Annual Meeting.
She goes there to whip up excitement and enthusiasm, and to give orders. The Grand High Witch
travels from country to country attending these Annual Meetings."
"Where do they have these meetings, Grandmamma?"
"There are all sorts of rumours," my grandmother answered. "I have heard it said that they just
book into an hotel like any other group of women who are holding a meeting. I have also heard it said
that some very peculiar things go on in the hotels they stay in. It is rumoured that the beds are never
slept in, that there are burn marks on the bedroom carpets, that toads are discovered in the bathtubs,
and that down in the kitchen the cook once found a baby crocodile swimming in his saucepan of
soup."
My grandmother picked up her cigar and took another puff, inhaling the foul smoke deeply
into her lungs.
"Where does The Grand High Witch live when she's at home?" I asked.
"Nobody knows," my grandmother said. "If we knew that, then she could be rooted out and
destroyed. Witchophiles all over the world have spent their lives trying to discover the secret
Headquarters of The Grand High Witch."
"What is a witchophile, Grandmamma?"
"A person who studies witches and knows a lot about them," my grandmother said.
"Are you a witchophile, Grandmamma?"
"I am a retired witchophile," she said. "I am too old to be active any longer. But when I was
younger, I travelled all over the globe trying to track down The Grand High Witch. I never came
even close to succeeding."
"Is she rich?" I asked.
"She's rolling," my grandmother said. "Simply rolling in money. Rumour has it that there is a
machine in her headquarters which is exactly like the machine the government uses to print the bank-
notes you and I use. After all, banknotes are only bits of paper with special designs and pictures on
them. Anyone can make them who has the right machine and the right paper. My guess is that The
Grand High Witch makes all the money she wants and she dishes it out to witches everywhere."
"What about foreign money?" I asked.
"Those machines can make Chinese money if you want them to," my grandmother said. "It's
only a question of pressing the right button."
"But Grandmamma," I said, "if nobody has ever seen The Grand High Witch, how can you be
so sure she exists?"
My grandmother gave me a long and very severe look. "Nobody has ever seen the Devil," she
said, "but we know he exists."
The next morning, we sailed for England and soon I was back in the old family house in Kent,
but this time with only my grandmother to look after me. Then the Easter Term began and every
weekday I went to school and everything seemed to have come back to normal again.
Now at the bottom of our garden there was an enormous conker tree, and high up in its
branches Timmy (my best friend) and I had started to build a magnificent tree-house. We were able to
work on it only at the weekends, but we were getting along fine. We had begun with the floor, which
we built by laying wide planks between two quite far-apart branches and nailing them down. Within
a month, we had finished the floor. Then we constructed a wooden railing around the floor and that
left only the roof to be built. The roof was the difficult bit.
One Saturday afternoon when Timmy was in bed with 'flu, I decided to make a start on the
roof all by myself. It was lovely being high up there in that conker tree, all alone with the pale young
leaves coming out everywhere around me. It was like being in a big green cave. And the height made
it extra exciting. My grandmother had told me that if I fell I would break a leg, and every time I
looked down, I got a tingle along my spine.
I worked away, nailing the first plank on the roof. Then suddenly, out of the corner of my eye,
I caught sight of a woman standing immediately below me. She was looking up at me and smiling in
the most peculiar way. When most people smile, their lips go out sideways. This woman's lips went
upwards and downwards, showing all her front teeth and gums. The gums were like raw meat.
It is always a shock to discover that you are being watched when you think you are alone.
And what was this strange woman doing in our garden anyway?
I noticed that she was wearing a small black hat and she had black gloves on her hands and
the gloves came nearly up to her elbows.
Gloves! She was wearing gloves!
I froze all over.
"I have a present for you," she said, still staring at me, still smiling, still showing her teeth and
gums.
I didn't answer.
"Come down out of that tree, little boy," she said, "and I shall give you the most exciting
present you've ever had." Her voice had a curious rasping quality. It made a sort of metallic sound, as
though her throat was full of drawing-pins.
Without taking her eyes from my face, she very a slowly put one of those gloved hands into
her purse and drew out a small green snake. She held it up for me to see.
"It's tame," she said.
The snake began to coil itself around her forearm. It was brilliant green.
"If you come down here, I shall give him to you," she said.
Oh Grandmamma, I thought, come and help me!
Then I panicked. I dropped the hammer and shot up that enormous tree like a monkey. I didn't
stop until I was as high as I could possibly go, and there I stayed, quivering with fear. I couldn't see
the woman now. There were layers and layers of leaves between her and me.
I stayed up there for hours and I kept very still. It began to grow dark. At last, I heard my
grandmother calling my name.
"I'm up here," I shouted back.
"Come down at once!" she called out. "It's past your suppertime."
"Grandmamma!" I shouted. "Has that woman gone?"
"What woman?" my grandmother called back.
"The woman in the black gloves!"
There was silence from below. It was the silence of somebody who was too stunned to speak.
"Grandmamma!" I shouted again. "Has she gone?"
"Yes," my grandmother answered at last. "She's gone. I'm here, my darling. I'll look after you.
You can come down now."
I climbed down. I was trembling. My grandmother enfolded me in her arms. "I've seen a
witch," I said.
"Come inside," she said. "You'll be all right with me."
She led me into the house and gave me a cup of hot cocoa with lots of sugar in it. "Tell me
everything," she said.
I told her.
By the time I had finished, it was my grandmother who was trembling. Her face was ashy
grey and I saw her glance down at that hand of hers that didn't have a thumb. "You know what this
means," she said. "It means that there is one of them in our district. From now on I'm not letting you
walk alone to school."
"Do you think she could be after me specially?" I asked.
"No," she said. "I doubt that. One child is as good as any other to those creatures."
It is hardly surprising that after that I became a very witch-conscious little boy. If I happened
to be alone on the road and saw a woman approaching who was wearing gloves, I would quickly skip
across to the other side. And as the weather remained pretty cold during the whole of that month,
nearly everybody was wearing gloves. Curiously enough though, I never saw the woman with the
green snake again.
That was my first witch. But it wasn't my last.



女巫大王
第二天，一个穿黑西装、拎着一个公文包的人来到姥姥家，在客厅和她进行了一番长
谈。他在时我是不准进去的。最后他走了，我姥姥来看我，走得很慢，愁容满面。
“那人宣读了你爸爸的遗嘱。”她说。
“什么叫遗嘱？”我问她。
“是去世前写下的东西。”她说，“上面说死后谁将得到留下的钱和产业。但最重要的是，
一旦父母死后谁将照管孩子。”
我一下子慌了。“是说你吧，姥姥？”我叫道，“我不用到别人那里去吧，对吗？”
“不用去。”她说，“你爸爸不会那样做的。他请我活一天照顾你一天，但还请我带你回你
们在英国的房子。他要我们住在那里。”
“为什么？”我说，“为什么我们不能住在挪威这儿？你不愿意住到别处去的！你说过！”
“我知道，”她说，“但有许多复杂问题跟钱和房子有关，这你是不会明白的。遗嘱里还
说，虽然你们全家是挪威人，但你生在英国，最先在那里受教育，他要你继续进英国学校。”
“噢，姥姥！”我叫道，“你不想到我们在英国的房子里去住，我知道你不想去！”
“我当然不想去，”她说，“但恐怕我也只好去了。遗嘱上说你妈妈也是同样意见，尊重你
父母的遗嘱是最重要的。”
毫无办法，我们得去英国，姥姥马上着手准备动身。“还有几天就开学了，”她说，“因此
我们一点也不能耽搁。”
我们去英国的前一天晚上，我姥姥又继续讲她喜爱的话题。“英国女巫没有挪威多。”她
说。
“我断定我一个也不会碰到。”我说。
“我衷心希望你不要碰到，”她说，“因为英国女巫可能是全世界女巫中最坏的。”
当她坐在那里抽着她那难闻的雪茄，开始讲起来的时候，我眼睛离不开她那只少了大拇
指的手。我忍不住不去看它。我对着它发呆，一直在猜想她那回碰到女巫发生了什么可怕的
事。一定是件极其骇人听闻和可怕的事，否则她就告诉我了。那大拇指也许是扭断的。也可
能是她被迫把她的大拇指放到开水壶里，直到把它烫掉了。再不然就是有人像拔牙那样把它
从她手上拔掉的？我不由得这样猜测着。
“跟我讲讲那些英国女巫做的事吧，姥姥。”我说。
“嗯，”她吸着难闻的雪茄说，“她们最喜欢的诡计是调制一种粉末，把孩子变成大人都讨
厌的东西。”
“什么东西呢，姥姥？”
“通常是鼻涕虫，”她说，“鼻涕虫是她们最喜欢变的东西。大人踏上去把它踩烂，也不知
道那是一个孩子。”
“那真是残酷到极点了！”我叫道。
“或者变成跳蚤，”我姥姥说，“她们会把你变成一只跳蚤。你妈妈还不知道自己在干什
么，就拿出毒跳蚤的药粉，那你就玩儿完了。”
“你吓坏我了，姥姥。我不想回英国去了。”
“我知道英国的女巫，”她只管说下去，“她们把孩子变成野鸡，然后在打野鸡的季节开始
前一天把他们放到森林中去。”
“噢，”我说，“这样他们要被枪打死了！”
“这还用说！”她说道，“接着他们被拔掉毛，烤熟，当晚饭吃。”
我想像着自己是一只野鸡，在持枪的猎人们头顶上乱飞，枪在下面劈劈啪啪开，我突然
翻身落下来。
“就是这样，”我姥姥说，“英国女巫站在一旁，看着大人干掉他们自己的孩子，觉得十分
好玩。”
“我实在不想回英国去了，姥姥。”
“你当然不想去，”她说，“我也不想去，但恐怕我们只好去。”
“每个国家的女巫都不同吗？”我问道。
“完全不同。”我的姥姥说，“但其他国家的我不大知道。”
“你连美国的也不知道吗？”我问道。
“不很知道。”她回答说，“不过我听说那里的女巫能使大人吃他们自己的孩子。”
“不可能！”我叫道，“噢，不，姥姥！那不可能是真的。”
“我不知道是不是真的，”她说，“我只是听说。”
“她们怎么能使大人吃他们自己的孩子呢？”我问道。
“她们可以把孩子变成热狗。”她说，“对于一个聪明的女巫来说，这样做并不太难。”
“世界上每一个国家都有它的女巫吗？”我问道。
“有人的地方就有女巫，”我姥姥说，“每个国家都有一个女巫秘密组织。”
“所有女巫都相互认识吗，姥姥？”
“不，”她说，“只认识本国的。一个国家的女巫被严禁同任何外国的女巫联系。但是，比
如说，一个英国女巫，却认识英国所有的女巫。她们都是朋友，互相通电话，交换致命的毒
药配方。天知道她们还交谈些什么。我想都不愿去想。”
我坐在地板上看着我的姥姥。她把雪茄烟蒂放在烟灰缸里，双手叠放在肚子上。“一年一
度，”她说下去，“每个国家的女巫都要召开自己的秘密会议。她们聚在一个地方听世界女巫
大王演讲。”
“听谁？”我叫道。
“她是全世界女巫的统治者，”我的姥姥说，“她是无所不能的。她毫无恻隐之心。所有的
女巫都怕她。她们一年只在她们的年会中见到她一次。她到各国年会上去鼓气和发布命令。
女巫大王就这样到一个一个国家去参加这种年会。”
“她们在哪里开这些会呀，姥姥？”
“有各种传说，”我姥姥回答，“听说她们和任何开会的妇女团体那样在一家旅馆预定房
间。我还听说在她们住的旅馆里会发生一些奇怪的事。据传说，床都没人睡过，房间地毯上
有烧焦的痕迹，浴缸里发现了癞蛤蟆。在楼下的厨房里，厨师有一次发现了一条小鳄鱼在他
的汤锅里游。”
我的姥姥捡起她的雪茄烟又吸了一口，把难闻的烟深深地吸到她的肺里。
“女巫大王在家的时候住在什么地方呢？”我问道。
“谁也不知道。”我姥姥说，“如果知道，我们就可以把她挖出来消灭掉了。全世界的女巫
爱好者曾经花了他们毕生的精力查找这个女巫大王的秘密总部。”
“女巫爱好者是什么人呀，姥姥？”
“是研究女巫，并知道许多她们的事情的人。”我姥姥说。
“那么你是一位女巫爱好者吗，姥姥？”
“我是个退休的女巫爱好者，”她说，“我太老了，不能再做这种工作了。但我年轻时曾经
环游世界，想找到这个女巫大王，可惜连边也没摸着。”
“她富有吗？”我问道。
“她的钱滚滚而来，”我姥姥说，“就是滚出来的。传说她的总部有一个钞票印刷机，和政
府印钞票的机器一模一样。钞票到底只是一小片纸，上面印上特别的图案和图画就是了。只
要有合适的机器和合适的纸张，谁都可以印。我猜想这女巫大王要多少钱就自己印，然后分
发给各地的女巫们。”
“那么外币呢？”我问道。
“只要用得着，那些机器连中国钞票也能印，”我姥姥说，“只要按一按规定的按钮就行
了。”
“可是姥姥，”我说，“既然没有人见过女巫大王，你怎么能这样断定她存在呢？”
我姥姥狠狠地看了我一阵。“没有人见过鬼，”她说，“但我们知道鬼存在。”
第二天早晨，我们上船去英国，很快我又回到了在肯特的老家，但如今是姥姥照看我。
接着春季学期开学了，每天我去上学，一切又恢复了老样子。
在我家花园头上有一棵大七叶树，在它的树枝高处，蒂米（我最好的朋友）和我已经开
始在造一间漂亮的树上木屋了。我们只能在周末造，但进行得很顺利。我们先铺地板，把一
些宽木板架在离开挺远的两根树枝之间，然后钉好。我们用了一个月就把地板铺好了。接着
我们围着地板竖起了木栏杆。现在只剩盖屋顶了。盖屋顶是件难事。
一个星期六下午，蒂米患流行性感冒卧床，我决定独自盖屋顶。独自一个人待在那棵七
叶树的高处，四周是淡淡的嫩叶，真让人感到愉快。这儿就像是在一个绿色的大洞窟里。另
外，因为位置高，还特别刺激。我姥姥跟我说过，万一掉下去准会把腿摔断。每次我朝树下
望就觉得后背发凉。
我干起来了，把屋顶的第一块木板钉上去。忽然，我的眼角瞥见一个女人就站在底下。
她抬起了头，用最古怪的样子对我微笑。大多数人微笑起来都是嘴唇向两边去的，但这女人
的嘴唇却上下动，露出了她前面的牙齿和牙龈。那牙龈看上去像是生肉。
当你自以为是单独一个人，却发现被人盯着看的时候，你总免不了会大吃一惊。
再说，这个陌生女人在我家花园里干什么？
我注意到她头上戴着黑帽子，手上戴着手套，手套几乎一直套到她的胳膊肘。
手套！她戴着手套！
我全身僵住了。
“我有样东西送给你。”她说，眼睛仍旧盯着我看，嘴唇仍旧微笑着，露出了她的牙齿和
牙龈。
我没有回答。
“从树上下来吧，小朋友，”她说，“我送给你一样你从未有过的最刺激的礼物。”她的声
音古怪刺耳，听着像金属声，好像她喉咙里塞满了图钉。
她的眼睛盯着我的脸，很慢地把一只戴手套的手伸进钱包，拿出一条小青蛇。她把它拿
给我看。
“它很驯服。”她说。
蛇开始绕在她的前臂上。它的颜色碧绿。
“只要你下来，我就把它送给你。”她说。
“噢，姥姥，”我心里说，“快来救我啊！”
这时候我十分惊慌。我扔掉锤子，像只猴子一样窜上那棵大树，到了再也上不去的高处
才停下来，吓得浑身发抖。现在我看不见那个女人了。在她和我之间隔着一层一层树叶。
我在那上面待了许多个钟头，一动也不敢动。天慢慢黑了。最后我听见我姥姥喊我的名
字。
“我在这儿上面呢。”我回答说。
“马上给我下来！”她叫道，“已经过了你的晚饭时间了。”
“姥姥！”我叫道，“那女人走了吗？”
“什么女人？”我姥姥叫着问我。
“那个戴黑手套的女人！”
下面一片静默。这种静默表示一个人呆住了，说不出话来。
“姥姥！”我又叫道，“她已经走了吗？”
“是的，”我姥姥最后回答，“她走了。是我在这里，我的宝贝。我会照顾你的。现在你可
以下来了。”
我从树上爬下来。我在发抖。我姥姥把我紧紧抱在怀里。“我见到了一个女巫。”我说。
“进去吧。”她说，“你和我在一起就平安无事了。”
她带我进屋，给我一杯热可可，放进了许多糖。“把你碰到的事都告诉我。”她说。
我告诉了她。
等到我讲完，这一回轮到我姥姥发抖了。她脸色灰白。我看见她正低头看她那只少了一
个大拇指的手。“你知道这说明什么问题吗？”她说，“这说明在我们这地区有一个这种东西。
从现在起我不能让你单独去上学了。”
“你认为她会专门盯住我吗？”我问道。
“不，”她说，“我认为不会。对她们来说，哪个孩子都一样。”
毫不奇怪，从此以后我成了一个对女巫极其敏感的孩子。只要我一个人在路上，看见一
个戴手套的女人走过来，我马上就会溜到马路对面去。那整整一个月天气一直非常冷，几乎
人人都戴手套。奇怪极了，我再也没有看见过那个拿出青蛇来的女人。
这是我碰到的第一个女巫，但不是我碰到的最后一个。
Summer Holidays 暑假
Summer Holidays
The Easter holidays came and went, and the Summer Term began at school. My grandmother
and I had already planned to take our summer holiday in Norway and we talked about almost nothing
else every evening. She had booked a cabin for each of us on the boat from Newcastle to Oslo at the
earliest possible moment after my school broke up, and from Oslo she was going to take me to a
place she knew down on the south coast near Arendal where she had spent her own summer holidays
as a child nearly eighty years ago.
"All day long," she said, "my brother and I were out in the rowing-boat. The whole coast is
dotted with tiny islands and there's nobody on them. We used to explore them and dive into the sea
off the lovely smooth granite rocks, and sometimes on the way out we would drop the anchor and fish
for cod and whiting, and if we caught anything we would build a fire on an island and fry the fish in a
pan for our lunch. There is no finer fish in the world than absolutely fresh cod."
"What did you use for bait, Grandmamma, when you went fishing?"
"Mussels," she said. "Everyone uses mussels for bait in Norway. And if we didn't catch any
fish, we would boil the mussels in a saucepan and eat those."
"Were they good?"
"Delicious," she said. "Cook them in sea-water and they are tender and salty."
"What else did you do, Grandmamma?"
"We used to row out and wave to the shrimpboats on their way home, and .they would stop
and give us a handful of shrimps each. The shrimps were still warm from having been just cooked,
and we would sit in the rowing-boat peeling them and gobbling them up. The head was the best part."
"The head?" I said.
"You squeeze the head between your teeth and suck out the inside. It's marvellous. You and I
will do all those things this summer, my darling," she said.
"Grandmamma," I said, "I can't wait. I simply can't wait to go."
"Nor can I," she said.
When there were only three weeks of the Summer Term left, an awful thing happened. My
grandmother got pneumonia. She became very ill, and a trained nurse moved into the house to look
after her. The doctor explained to me that pneumonia is not normally a dangerous illness nowadays
because of penicillin, but when a person is more than eighty years old, as my grandmother was, then
it is very dangerous indeed. He said he didn't even dare to move her to hospital in her condition, so
she stayed in her bedroom and I hung about outside the door while oxygen cylinders and all sorts of
other frightening things were taken in to her.
"Can I go in and see her?" I asked.
"No, dear," the nurse said. "Not at the moment."
A fat and jolly lady called Mrs Spring, who used to come and clean our house every day, also
moved in and slept in the house. Mrs Spring looked after me and cooked my meals. I liked her very
much, but she wasn't a patch on my grandmother for telling stories.
One evening, about ten days later, the doctor came downstairs and said to me, "You can go in
and see her now, but only for a short time. She's been asking for you."
I flew up the stairs and burst into my grandmother's room and threw myself into her arms.
"Hey there," the nurse said. "Be careful with her."
"Will you be all right now, Grandmamma?" I asked.
"The worst is over," she said. "I'll soon be up again."
"Will she?" I said to the nurse.
"Oh yes," the nurse answered, smiling. "She told us she simply had to get better because she
had to look after you."
I gave her another hug.
"They won't let me have a cigar," she said. "But you wait till they're gone."
"She's a tough old bird," the nurse said. "We'll have her up in another week."
The nurse was right. Within a week, my grandmother was thumping around the house with
her gold-topped cane and interfering with Mrs Spring's cooking. "I thank you for all your help, Mrs
Spring," she said, "but you can go home now."
"Oh, no I can't," Mrs Spring said. "Doctor told me to see that you take it very easy for the next
few days."
The doctor said more than that. He dropped a bombshell on my grandmother and me by
telling us that on no account were we to risk the journey to Norway this summer.
"Rubbish!" my grandmother cried. "I've promised him we'll go!"
"It's too far," the doctor said. "It would be very dangerous. But I'll tell you what you can do.
You can take your grandson to a nice hotel on the south coast of England instead. The sea air is just
what you need."
"Oh no!" I said.
"Do you want your grandmother to die?" the doctor asked me.
"Never!" I said.
"Then don't let her go on a long journey this summer. She's not yet strong enough. And stop
her smoking those vile black cigars."
In the end, the doctor had his way about the holiday, but not about the cigars. Rooms were
booked for us in a place called the Hotel Magnificent in the famous seaside town of Bournemouth.
Bournemouth, my grandmother told me, was full of old people like herself. They retired there by the
thousand because the air was so bracing and healthy it kept them, so they believed, alive for a few
extra years.
"Does it?" I asked.
"Of course not," she said: "It's tommyrot. But just for once I think we've got to obey the
doctor."
Soon after that, my grandmother and I took the train to Bournemouth and settled into the
Hotel Magnificent. It was an enormous white building on the sea-front and it looked to me like a
pretty boring place to spend a summer holiday in. I had my own separate bedroom, but there was a
door connecting my room with my grandmother's room so that we could visit each other without
going into the corridor.
Just before we left for Bournemouth, my grandmother had given me, as consolation, a present
of two white mice in a little cage and of course I took them with me. They were terrific fun, those
mice. I called them William and Mary, and in the hotel I set out right away teaching them to do
tricks. The first trick I taught them was to creep up the sleeve of my jacket and come out by my neck.
Then I taught them to climb up the back of my neck on to the top of my head. I did this by putting
cake crumbs in my hair.
On the very first morning after our arrival, the chambermaid was making my bed when one of
my mice poked its head out from under the sheets. The maid let out a shriek that brought a dozen
people running to see who was being murdered. I was reported to the Manager. There followed an
unpleasant scene in the Manager's office with the Manager, my grandmother and me.
The Manager, whose name was Mr Stringer, was a bristly man in a black tail-coat. "I cannot
permit mice in my hotel, madam," he said to my grandmother.
"How dare you say that when your rotten hotel is full of rats anyway!" my grandmother cried.
"Rats!" cried Mr Stringer, going mauve in the face. "There are no rats in this hotel!"
"I saw one this very morning," my grandmother said. "It was running down the corridor into
the kitchen!"
"That is not true!" cried Mr Stringer.
"You had better get the rat-catcher in at once," my grandmother said, "before I report you to
the Public Health Authorities. I expect there's rats scuttling all over the kitchen floor and stealing the
food off the shelves and jumping in and out of the soup!"
"Never!" cried Mr Stringer.
"No wonder my breakfast toast was all nibbled round the edges this morning," my
grandmother went on relentlessly. "No wonder it had a nasty ratty taste. If you're not careful, the
Health people will be ordering the entire hotel to be closed before everyone gets typhoid fever."
"You are not being serious, madam," Mr Stringer said.
"I was never more serious in my life," my grandmother said. "Are you or are you not going to
allow my grandson to keep his white mice in his room?"
The Manager knew when he was beaten. "May I suggest a compromise, madam?" he said. "I
will permit him to keep them in his room as long as they are never allowed out of the cage. How's
that?"
"That will suit us very well," my grandmother said, and she stood up and marched out of the
room with me behind her.
There is no way you can train mice inside a cage. Yet I dared not let them out because the
chambermaid was spying on me all the time. She had a, key to my door and she kept bursting in at all
hours, trying to catch me with the mice out of the cage. She told me that the first mouse to break the
rules would be drowned in a bucket of water by the hall-porter.
I decided to seek a safer place where I could carry on with the training. There must surely be
an empty room in this enormous hotel. I put one mouse into each trouser-pocket and wandered
downstairs in search of a secret spot.
The ground floor of the hotel was a maze of public rooms, all of them named in gold letters
on the doors. I wandered through "The Lounge" and "The Smoking-Room" and "The Card-Room"
and "The Reading-Room" and "The Drawing-Room". None of them was empty. I went down a long
wide corridor and at the end of it I came to 'The Ballroom'. There were double-doors leading into it,
and in front of the doors there was a large notice-board on a stand. The notice on the board said,
RSPCC MEETING
STRICTLY PRIVATE
THIS ROOM IS RESERVED
FOR THE
ANNUAL MEETING
OF
THE ROYAL SOCIETY
FOR THE PREVENTION
OF CRUELTY TO CHILDREN
The double-doors into the room were open. I peeped in. It was a colossal room. There were
rows and rows of chairs, all facing a platform. The chairs were painted gold and they had little red
cushions on the seats. But there was not a soul in sight.
I sidled cautiously into the room. What a lovely secret silent place it was. The meeting of the
Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children must have taken place earlier in the day, and
now they had all gone home. Even if they hadn't, even if they did suddenly come pouring in, they
would be wonderful kind people who would look with favour upon a young mouse-trainer going
about his business.
At the back of the room there was a large folding screen with Chinese dragons painted on it. I
decided, just to be on the safe side, to go behind this screen and do my training there. I wasn't a bit
frightened of the Prevention of Cruelty to Children people, but there was always a chance that Mr
Stringer, the Manager, might pop his head round the door. If he did and if he saw the mice, the poor
things would be in the hall-porter's bucket of water before I could shout stop.
I tiptoed to the back of the room and settled myself on the thick green carpet behind the big
screen. What a splendid place this was! Ideal for mouse-training! I took William and Mary out of my
trouser-pockets. They sat beside me on the carpet, quiet and well-behaved.
The trick I was going to teach them today was tight-rope walking. It is not all that difficult to
train an intelligent mouse to be an expert tightrope walker provided you know exactly how to go
about it. First, you must have a piece of string. I had that. Then you must have some good cake. A
fine currant cake is the favourite food of white mice. They are dotty about it. I had brought with me a
rock cake which I had pocketed while having tea with Grandmamma the day before.
Now here's what you do. You stretch the string tight between your two hands, but you start by
keeping it very short, only about three inches. You put the mouse on your right hand and a little piece
of cake on your left hand. The mouse is therefore only three inches away from the cake. He can see it
and he can smell it. His whiskers twitch with excitement. He can almost reach the cake by leaning
forward, but not quite. He only has to take two steps along the string to reach this tasty morsel. He
ventures forward, one paw on the string, then the other. If the mouse has a good sense of balance, and
most of them have, he will get across easily. I started with William. He walked the string without a
moment's hesitation. I let him have a quick nibble of the cake just to whet his appetite. Then I put
him back on my right hand.
This time I lengthened the string. I made it about six inches long. William knew what to do
now. With superb balance, he walked step by step along the string until he reached the cake. He was
rewarded with another nibble.
Quite soon, William was walking a twenty-four inch tight-rope (or rather tight-string) from
one hand to the other to reach the cake. It was wonderful to watch him. He was enjoying himself
tremendously. I was careful to hold the string near the carpet so that if he did lose his balance, he
wouldn't have far to fall. But he never fell. William was obviously a natural acrobat, a great tight-
rope walking mouse.
Now it was Mary's turn. I put William on the carpet beside me and rewarded him with some
extra crumbs and a currant. Then I started going through the same routine all over again with Mary.
My blinding ambition, you see, my dream of dreams, was to become one day the owner of a White
Mouse Circus. I would have a small stage with red curtains in front of it, and when the curtains were
drawn apart, the audience would see my world-famous performing mice walking on tight-ropes,
swinging from trapezes, turning somersaults in the air, bouncing on trampolines and all the rest of it.
I would have white mice riding on white rats, and the rats would gallop furiously round and round the
stage. I was beginning to picture myself travelling first-class all over the globe with my Famous
White Mouse Circus, and performing before all the crowned heads of Europe.
I was about halfway through Mary's training when suddenly I heard voices outside the
Ballroom door. The sound grew louder. It swelled into a great babble of speech from many throats. I
recognised the voice of the awful Hotel Manager, Mr Stringer.
Help, I thought.
But thank heavens for the huge screen.
I crouched behind it and peered through the crack between two of the folding sections. I could
see the entire length and width of the Ballroom without anyone seeing me.
"Well, ladies, I am sure you will be quite comfortable in here," Mr Stringer's voice was
saying. Then in through the double-doors he marched, black tail-coat and all, spreading his arms wide
as he ushered in a great flock of ladies. "If there is anything we can do for you, do not hesitate to let
me know," he went on. "Tea will be served for all of you on the Sunshine Terrace after you have
concluded your meeting." With that, he bowed and scraped himself out of the room as a vast herd of
ladies from the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children came streaming in. They
wore pretty clothes and all of them had hats on their heads.

暑假
复活节假期来了又去了。夏季学期开始了。我姥姥和我已经计划好到挪威过我的暑假，
每天晚上除了这件事，我们几乎什么也不说。她预订了从纽卡斯尔到奥斯陆的船舱，我一放
假就走。从奥斯陆，她将带我去南方海滨靠近阿伦达尔的一个地方。近八十年前，当她还是
个小孩子的时候，她曾在那里度过暑假。
“我哥哥和我，”她说，“当时成天在海边划船。海边有许多小岛，岛上一个人也没有。我
们常去岛上到处逛，从光滑可爱的花岗岩上跳下海去潜水玩。有时候在半路上抛下锚钓鱼，
钓到鱼就到一个岛上生起火，用煎锅烤来当午饭吃。世界上没有什么鱼能比生猛鳕鱼更好吃
了。”
“你钓鱼用什么做鱼饵啊，姥姥？”
“用贝肉，”她说，“在挪威人人都用贝肉做鱼饵钓鱼。钓不到鱼我们就用锅子煮鲜贝肉
吃。”
“它们好吃吗？”
“味道好极了，”她说，“用海水煮，又嫩又有咸味。”
“你还做什么事呢，姥姥？”
“我们划船出海，向回家的捕虾船招手。每艘船上的人都会给我们一把虾。这些虾刚煮
好，还是热的。我们就坐在小船上剥皮吃个精光。虾头最好吃。”
“虾头？”我说。
“用牙齿咬虾头，把虾脑吸出来，美极了。这个夏天，你我将做这些事，我的宝贝。”她
说。
“姥姥，”我说，“我都等不及了。我简直等不及要去了。”
“我也是的。”她说。
只差三个星期放暑假的时候，出了件糟糕的事情。我姥姥得了肺炎。她病得很厉害。一
位有经验的护士住到我们家来看护她。医生告诉我，由于有了盘尼西林，如今肺炎一般算不
得危险的病。但病人如果像我姥姥那样八十多岁，那还是十分危险的。他说鉴于她的情况，
甚至不敢移动她让她住到医院去。因此她就待在她的卧室里。当氧气瓶和各种怕人的东西搬
进去时，我一直待在门外。
“我能进去看她吗？”我问道。
“不能，亲爱的，”护士说，“暂时还不能。”
一位叫斯普林太太的快活胖太太和每天到我们家来做清洁工作的人，也住了进来。斯普
林太太照顾我，煮饭给我吃。我非常喜欢她，但讲故事她一点也不能跟姥姥相比。
大约十天以后，一天晚上，医生下楼来对我说：“你现在可以进去看她了，但只能待一会
儿。她要见你。”
我飞奔上楼，冲进姥姥的房间，扑到她的怀里。
“喂，”护士说，“小心你的姥姥。”
“你现在不会有事了吧，姥姥？”我问道。
“最糟糕的事过去了，”她说，“很快我又要起床了。”
“是这样吗？”我对护士说。
“噢，是这样。”护士微笑着回答，“她对我们说她得快点好，因为她要照顾你。”
我又拥抱了她。
“他们不让我抽雪茄，”她说，“可是只要等到他们走了就好了。”
“她是位犟脾气的老太太，”护士说，“我们下星期就让她起床。”护士没说错。一个星期
内我姥姥就拄着她的金头手杖满屋走来走去，干涉斯普林太太烧饭。“谢谢你帮了大忙，斯普
林太太，”她说，“但是你现在可以回家了。”
“噢，不，我不能走，”斯普林太太说，“医生关照过我，让你以后几天不要吃力。”
医生说的还不止这些。他向我姥姥和我扔了一颗“炸弹”，说我们今年夏天不该冒险去挪
威旅行。
“胡说八道！”我姥姥叫道，“我答应过他要去的！”
“太远了，”医生说，“那会很危险。不过我告诉你可以怎么办。你可以带你的外孙到英国
南部海滨，住一家高级旅馆。海洋空气正是你所需要的。”
“噢，不！”我说。
“你要送掉你姥姥的命吗？”医生问我。
“绝对不要！”我说。
“那么今年夏天别让她长途旅行。她还不够强壮。别让她再抽那种讨厌的黑雪茄。”
最后，医生关于度假的话管了用，但关于雪茄的话却是白说了。他给我们在著名海滨城
市伯恩默思的华丽旅馆预订了房间。我姥姥告诉我，伯恩默思到处都是和她一样老的人，有
数以千计的人在那里休养。因为那儿空气清新，有益健康，他们相信这能使他们多活几年。
“是这样吗？”我问道。
“当然不是，”她说，“这是胡说八道。不过就这一次，我想我们得听医生的话。”
不久，我姥姥和我就坐车到伯恩默思去，住在华丽旅馆。这座白色大厦位于海滨区。要
在这里住一个暑假，我觉得它看上去成了一个相当令人厌烦的地方。我有自己的卧室，但有
门通向我姥姥的卧室，因此相互往来不用走外面的走廊。
就在我们动身去伯恩默思前，我姥姥给了我一样礼物作为消遣，是关在一个小笼子里的
两只小白鼠。我当然把它们也带去了。这两只小白鼠好玩极了。我给它们取名叫威廉和玛
丽，在旅馆里开始教它们玩把戏。我教它们的第一个把戏是先爬进我的外衣袖子，再从领口
出来。接着我教它们从后颈爬上头顶。我教的办法是在头发上放点碎蛋糕。
到达后的第一天早晨，女侍给我收拾床铺时，我的一只小白鼠正好把头从被单底下伸出
来。女侍一声尖叫，引得十几个人跑来看是谁给谋杀了。我的事被报告给经理。接下来，我
姥姥和我在经理室里跟经理开始了一次很不愉快的谈话。
经理叫做斯特林杰先生，头发直竖，穿着黑色燕尾服。“我不允许我的旅馆里有老鼠，太
太。”他对我姥姥说。
“你的破旅馆里反正满是老鼠，你怎么敢说这话？”我姥姥大声说。
“老鼠？”斯特林杰先生脸都气紫了，叫了起来，“这家旅馆里没有老鼠！”
“正好今天早晨我就看见一只！”我姥姥说，“它正沿着走廊跑进厨房！”
“没这回事！”斯特林杰先生叫道。
“你最好马上请捉老鼠的人来，”我姥姥说，“趁我还没到公共卫生部门去告你。我想整个
厨房都有老鼠跑来跑去偷吃架子上的食物，在汤里跳进跳出！”
“绝无此事！”斯特林杰先生叫道。
“怪不得我今天早餐吃的吐司边都给啃过了。”我姥姥不停口地说下去，“怪不得有难闻的
老鼠味。如果你不小心，卫生部门的人会趁大家还没患上伤寒病，命令你的整个旅馆停业
的。”
“你这话不是当真的吧，老太太？”斯特林杰先生说。
“我一生中还没有这样当真过呢，”我姥姥说，“你到底答应不答应我的外孙在他的房间里
保留他的小白鼠？”
经理知道自己输了。“我可以提个折衷办法吗，老太太？”他说，“我答应他在他的房间里
留下它们，但它们绝不能离开笼子。怎么样？”
“这很合我们的意。”我姥姥说着站起来，走出了经理室。我紧紧跟在她的后面。
老鼠关在笼子里就无法训练。但我也不敢把它们放出笼子，因为管房间的女侍一直在监
视我。她有我的房门钥匙，随时会开门冲进来，要是我把小白鼠从笼子里放出来，就会被抓
住。她对我说，第一只破坏规则的小白鼠将被看门人放进水桶里淹死。
我决定找一个安全的地方继续训练我的小白鼠。旅馆那么大，准有个房间是空着的。于
是我在两个裤袋里各放一只小白鼠，下楼去找一个秘密的地方。
旅馆底层是一个公用房间的迷宫，每个房间的门上有金色的名牌。我走过“休息室”、“吸
烟室”、“牌室”、“阅览室”和“会客室”。没有一个房间是空的。我走过一条长长的宽走廊，最
后来到“舞厅”。它有一道双扇的门，门前有一块写在木牌上的通告，用架子竖在那里。通告
是这样写的：
防止虐待儿童王家协会会议
闲人严禁入内
本厅已预订
防止虐待儿童王家协会
在此召开年会
房间的双扇门开着。我偷偷地朝里面看了看。这是一个极大的房间，里面有一排排椅子
面对着一个讲坛。椅子漆成金色，一个个座位上放着红色小垫子。但房间里一个人也看不
见。
我侧着身小心地走进房间。这是一个很可爱的、幽静的地方。防止虐待儿童王家协会的
会议一定在今天早些时候开过了。开会的人如今都已经回家了。即使他们没有回家，甚至当
真忽然拥进房间来，他们也一定是些心肠极好的人，会乐于欣赏一个小朋友训练他的小白
鼠。
在房间后部有一个大屏风，上面画着中国的龙。为了安全，我决定到屏风后面去训练小
白鼠。我一点也不害怕防止虐待儿童协会的人，但旅馆经理斯特林杰先生随时有可能把头探
进房门看。如果他这样做，如果他看见了小白鼠，这两只可怜的小白鼠就会在我喝水之前落
进看门人的水桶了。
我踮起脚来走到房间里面，来到大屏风后面的绿色厚地毯上。这里多么好啊！是训练小
白鼠的理想地方！我把威廉和玛丽从裤子口袋里拿出来。它们安安静静、规规矩矩地蹲在我
旁边的地毯上。
这天我要教它们的把戏是走绳子。只要会教，教一只聪明的小白鼠成为走绳子专家并不
太难。首先必须有一根绳子。我有。然后必须有点好吃的蛋糕。小白鼠最爱吃美味的加仑子
蛋糕。这种蛋糕使它们着迷。我带来了一块硬蛋糕，是前一天和姥姥吃茶点时偷偷放进衣袋
的。
现在得这么办：把绳子在两只手之间绷紧，但开头不能太长，只能三英寸左右。把小白
鼠放在右手，一小撮蛋糕放在左手。这样小白鼠离蛋糕只有三英寸，看得见也闻得着。它的
胡子兴奋地抖动着。它把身体伸长到几乎可以够到蛋糕，但又差一点的位置。只要在绳子上
走两步就能够到好吃的蛋糕了。它冒险上前，一只爪子踏到绳子上，再把另一只爪子踏上
去。如果小白鼠的平衡感良好——大多数小白鼠都是好的，它很容易就能走过去。我从威廉
开始。它毫不犹豫地走过了绳子。我让它很快地吃了那点蛋糕，只是为了吊吊它的胃口。然
后我又把它放回我的右手。
这一回我把绳子放长到约六英寸。现在威廉知道该怎么办了。它很好地保持着平衡，一
步一步顺着绳子走到蛋糕那里。它又得到了一小口赏给它的蛋糕。
威廉很快就能从一只手开始，走二十四英寸的绳子到达另一只手的蛋糕那里了。看着它
走绳子真是棒极了。它走得十分带劲。我小心地让绳子与地毯离得很近，这样它即使失去平
衡跌下来，离地也不太远。但它没有跌下来过。威廉显然是天生的杂技演员，伟大的走绳索
的小白鼠。
现在轮到玛丽了。我把威廉放在我旁边的地毯上，再赏给它一点蛋糕和一颗加仑子。接
着我用同样的办法让玛丽重做一遍。你们知道，我不切实际的野心，我的梦中之梦，便是有
一天拥有一个小白鼠马戏班。我可以做一个小小的舞台，前面挂一条红色的幕布，幕布一拉
开，观众就将看到世界闻名的小白鼠演员在绷紧的绳子上滑走，摇晃，空翻，蹦跳等等。我
还可以让一只小白鼠骑着另一只小白鼠在舞台上飞跑。我开始想象我带着自己的著名小白鼠
马戏班进行一流的环球旅行，在欧洲所有的头面人物面前表演节目。
我训练着玛丽，正做到一半的时候，忽然听到舞厅门外人声嘈杂。声音越来越响，最后
变成许多喉咙发出来的大叫声。我听出了可怕的旅馆经理斯特林杰先生的嗓音。
救命啊，我想。
谢谢天，幸亏有那大屏风。
我蹲在它后面，从屏风夹缝中偷看。我注意到整个舞厅的人都不会看到我。
“好了，女士们，我断定你们在这里将十分舒适。”斯特林杰先生说。接着他大步走进
门。他穿着黑色燕尾服，张开双臂请大批女客人进来。“如果有什么事要我们效劳，请不要犹
豫，立即吩咐我们。”他接着说，“诸位开完会后，请到阳光园吃茶点。”说着他鞠了个躬，走
出房间。防止虐待儿童王家协会的一大群女士们鱼贯而入。她们穿着美丽的衣服，个个头上
戴着帽子。
The Meeting 会议
The Meeting
Now that the Manager had gone, I was not particularly alarmed. What better than to be
imprisoned in a room full of these splendid ladies? If I ever got talking to them, I might even suggest
that they come and do a bit of cruelty-to-children preventing at my school. We could certainly use
them there.
In they came, talking their heads off. They began milling round and choosing their seats, and
there was a whole lot of stuff like, "Come and sit next to me, Millie dear," and "Oh, hel-lo Beatrice! I
haven't seen you since the last meeting! What an adorable dress you have on!"
I decided to stay where I was and let them get on with their meeting while I got on with my
mouse-training, but I watched them for a while longer through the crack in the screen, waiting for
them to settle down. How many were there? I guessed about two hundred. The back rows filled up
first. They all seemed to want to sit as far back from the platform as possible.
There was a lady wearing a tiny green hat in the middle of the back row who kept scratching
the nape of her neck. She couldn't leave it alone. It fascinated me the way her fingers kept scratching
away at the hair on the back of her neck. Had she known somebody was watching her from behind,
I'm sure she would have been embarrassed. I wondered if she had dandruff. All of a sudden, I noticed
that the lady next to her was doing the same thing!
And the next one!
And the next!
The whole lot of them were doing it. They were all scratching away like mad at the hair on
the backs of their necks!
Did they have fleas in their hair?
More likely it was nits.
A boy at school called Ashton had had nits in his hair last term and the matron had made him
dip his whole head in turpentine. It killed the nits all right, but it nearly killed Ashton as well. Half
the skin came away from his scalp.
I began to be fascinated by these hair-scratching ladies. It is always funny when you catch
someone doing something coarse and she thinks no one is looking. Nose-picking, for example, or
scratching her bottom. Hair-scratching is very nearly as unattractive, especially if it goes on and on.
I decided it had to be nits.
Then the most astonishing thing happened. I saw one lady pushing her fingers up underneath
the hair on her head, and the hair, the entire head of hair lifted upwards all in one piece, and the hand
slid underneath the hair and went on scratching!
She was wearing a wig! She was also wearing gloves! I glanced swiftly around at the rest of
the now seated audience. Every one of them was wearing gloves!
My blood turned to ice. I began to shake all over. I glanced frantically behind me for a back
door to escape through. There wasn't one.
Should I leap out from behind the screen and make a dash for the double-doors?
Those double-doors were already closed and I could see a woman standing in front of them.
She was bending forward and fixing some sort of a metal chain round the two door-handles.
Keep still, I told myself. No one has seen you yet. There's no reason in the world why they
should come and look behind the screen. But one false move, one cough, one sneeze, one nose-blow,
one little sound of any sort and it won't be just one witch that gets you. It'll be two hundred!
At that point, I think I fainted. The whole thing was altogether too much for a small boy to
cope with. But I don't believe I was out for more than a few seconds, and when I came to, I was lying
on the carpet and I was still, thank heavens, behind the screen. There was absolute silence all around
me.
Rather shakily, I got to my knees and peered once again through the crack in the screen.


会议
现在经理走了，我也就不那么害怕了。还有什么比关在一个挤满这些出色女士的房间里
更叫人高兴的呢？如果我有机会和她们说话，我甚至会建议她们到我的学校去做点事防止虐
待儿童。那里确实用得着她们。
她们嘁嘁喳喳地进来，开始转来转去找座位。大厅里充满了这样的说话声：“来坐到我旁
边吧，亲爱的米莉！”“噢，你好，比特丽丝！上次开会以来，我还没有见过你呢！你穿的衣
服多么好看啊！”
我决定待在原处不动，让她们去开她们的会好了，我只管训练我的小白鼠，但我想在夹
缝里再看一会儿，先等她们坐好。一共有多少人啊？我想约有两百人。后排先坐满了。她们
好像想坐得离讲坛尽量远些。
后排中间有一个戴小绿帽的太太不断地搔后颈。她停不下来。她的手指不停地抓着后颈
的头发，这使我呆住了。她如果知道后面有人看着她，我断定她会很尴尬的。我疑心她是不
是有头垢。忽然我发现她旁边的一位太太也在这样抓挠。
还有旁边的一位！
还有再旁边的一位！
所有的女士都这样抓挠。她们拼命地抓挠后颈的头发！
她们的头发里有跳蚤吗？
更可能是虱子。
上学期有个叫阿什顿的同学头发里长了虱子，女舍监让他把整个头浸在松节油里。这样
做的确杀死了虱子，但几乎把阿什顿也杀死了。他的一半头皮都掉了。
我开始被这些抓头发的女士们吸引住了。偷看到有人做不雅的事而她本人以为没有人在
看，那总是滑稽的，例如挖鼻孔，或者抓屁股。抓头发同样不美，特别是抓了又抓，抓个不
停。
我认定这是由于虱子。
但接着，最惊人的事发生了。我看见一位太太把她的手指插到头发底下，她的头发，整
个儿的头发被掀了起来。她的手伸到掀起的头发底下继续抓！
她戴着假发！她还戴着手套！我很快地转眼去看其他坐着的听众。个个戴着手套！
我的血凉了。我开始全身发抖。我赶紧回过头去想找后门逃出去，但是后面没有门。
我该从屏风后面跳出来向房门冲过去吗？
然而房门已经关上了，我看到一个女人站在门前。她正弯着腰在两扇门的门把手上拴铁
链子。
我命令自己不要动，还没有人看见我。她们没有理由要到屏风后面来看。只要一个错误
的举动、一声咳嗽、一个喷嚏、任何一点轻微的声音，都会引来不止一个女巫，是两百个！
这时候我想我昏过去了。这整个事情对于一个小孩子来说是根本应付不了的。但我昏了
不会多于几秒钟，醒来时我躺在地毯上，谢天谢地，是在屏风后面，一动也没动。我周围一
片死寂。
我发着抖跪起来，再一次从屏风夹缝往外面偷看。
Frizzled Like a Fritter 像油煎饼那样吱吱响
Frizzled Like a Fritter
All the women, or rather the witches, were now sitting motionless in their chairs and staring
as though hypnotised at somebody who had suddenly appeared on the platform. That somebody was
another woman.
The first thing I noticed about this woman was her size. She was tiny, probably no more than
four and a half feet tall. She looked quite young, I guessed about twenty-five or six, and she was very
pretty. She had on a rather stylish long black dress that reached right to the ground and she wore
black gloves that came up to her elbows. Unlike the others, she wasn't wearing a hat.
She didn't look to me like a witch at all, but she couldn't possibly not be one, otherwise what
on earth was she doing up there on the platform? And why, for heaven's sake, were all the other
witches gazing at her with such a mixture of adoration, awe and fear?
Very slowly, the young lady on the platform raised her hands to her face. I saw her gloved
fingers unhooking something behind her ears, and then... then she caught hold of her cheeks and
lifted her face clean away! The whole of that pretty face came away in her hands!
It was a mask!
As she took off the mask, she turned sideways and placed it carefully upon a small table near
by, and when she turned round again and faced us, I very nearly screamed out loud.
That face of hers was the most frightful and frightening thing I have ever seen. Just looking at
it gave me the shakes all over. It was so crumpled and wizened, so shrunken and shrivelled, it looked
as though it had been pickled in vinegar. It was a fearsome and ghastly sight. There was something
terribly wrong with it, something foul and putrid and decayed. It seemed quite literally to be rotting
away at the edges, and in the middle of the face, around the mouth and cheeks, I could see the skin all
cankered and worm-eaten, as though maggots were working away in there.
There are times when something is so frightful you become mesmerised by it and can't look
away. I was like that now. I was transfixed. I was numbed. I was magnetised by the sheer horror of
this woman's features. But there was more to it than that. There was a look of serpents in those eyes
of hers as they flashed around the audience.
I knew immediately, of course, that this was none other than The Grand High Witch herself. I
knew also why she had worn a mask. She could never have moved around in public, let alone book in
at an hotel, with her real face. Everyone who saw her would have run away screaming.
"The doors!" shouted The Grand High Witch in a voice that filled the room and bounced
around the walls. "Are they chained and bolted?"
"The doors are chained and bolted, Your Grandness," answered a voice in the audience.
The brilliant snake's eyes that were set so deep in that dreadful rotting worm-eaten face glared
unblinkingly at the witches who sat facing her. "You may rrree-moof your gloves!" she shouted. Her
voice, I noticed, had that same hard metallic quality as the voice of the witch I had met under the
conker tree, only it was far louder and much much harsher. It rasped. It grated. It snarled. It scraped.
It shrieked. And it growled.
Everyone in the room was peeling off her gloves. I was watching the hands of those in the
back row. I wanted very much to see what their fingers looked like and whether my grandmother had
been right. Ah!... Yes!... I could see several of them now! I could see the brown claws curving over
the tips of the fingers! They were about two inches long, those claws, and sharp at the ends!
"You may rrree-moof your shoes!" barked The Grand High Witch.
I heard a sigh of relief going up from all the witches in the room as they kicked off their
narrow high-heeled shoes, and then I got a glimpse under the chairs of several pairs of stockinged
feet, square and completely toeless. Revolting they were, as though the toes had been sliced away
from the feet with a carving-knife.
"You may rrree-moof your vigs!" snarled The Grand High Witch. She had a peculiar way of
speaking. There was some sort of a foreign accent there, something harsh and guttural, and she
seemed to have trouble pronouncing the letter w. As well as that, she did something funny with the
letter r. She would roll it round and round her mouth like a piece of hot pork-crackling before spitting
it out. "Rrree-moof your vigs and get some fresh air into your spotty scalps!" she shouted, and
another sigh of relief arose from the audience as all the hands went up to the heads and all the wigs
(with the hats still on them) were lifted away.
There now appeared in front of me row upon row of bald female heads, a sea of naked scalps,
every one of them red and itchy-looking from being rubbed by the linings of the wigs. I simply
cannot tell you how awful they were, and somehow the whole sight was made more grotesque
because underneath those frightful scabby bald heads, the bodies were dressed in fashionable and
rather pretty clothes. It was monstrous. It was unnatural.
Oh heavens, I thought. Oh help! Oh Lord have mercy on me! These foul bald-headed females
are child-killers every one of them, and here I am imprisoned in the same room and I can't escape!
At that point, a new and doubly horrifying thought struck me. My grandmother had said that
with their special nose-holes they could smell out a child on a pitch-black night from right across the
other side of the road. Up to now, my grandmother had been right every time. It seemed a certainty
therefore that one of the witches in the back row was going to sniff me out at any moment and then
the yell of "Dogs' droppings!" would go up all over the room and I would be cornered like a rat.
I knelt on the carpet behind the screen, hardly daring to breathe.
Then suddenly I remembered another very important thing my grandmother had told me.
"The dirtier you are," she had said, "the harder it is for a witch to smell you out."
How long since I had last had a bath?
Not for ages. I had my own room in the hotel and my grandmother never bothered with silly
things like that. Come to think of it, I don't believe I'd had a bath since we arrived.
When had I last washed my hands or face?
Certainly not this morning.
Not yesterday either.
I glanced down at my hands. They were covered with smudge and mud and goodness knows
what else besides.
So perhaps I had a chance after all. The stink-waves couldn't possibly get out through all that
dirt.
"Vitches of Inkland!" shouted The Grand High Witch. She herself I noticed had not taken off
either her wig or her gloves or her shoes. "Vitches of Inkland!" she yelled.
The audience stirred uneasily and sat up straighter in their chairs.
"Miserrrable vitches!" she yelled. "Useless lazy vitches! Feeble frrribbling vitches! You are a
heap of idle good-for-nothing vurms!"
A shudder went through the audience. The Grand High Witch was clearly in an ugly mood
and they knew it. I had a feeling that something awful was going to happen soon.
"I am having my breakfast this morning," cried The Grand High Witch, "and I am looking out
of the vindow at the beach, and vot am I seeing? I am asking you, vot am I seeing? I am seeing a
rrreevolting sight! I am seeing hundreds, I am seeing thousands of rrrotten rrree-pulsive little children
playing on the sand! It is putting me rrright off my food! Vye have you not got rrrid of them?" she
screamed. "Vye have you not rrrubbed them all out; these filthy smelly children?"
With each word she spoke, flecks of pale-blue phlegm shot from her mouth like little bullets.
"I am asking you vye!" she screamed.
Nobody answered her question.
"Children smell!" she screamed. "They stink out the vurld! Vee do not vont these children
around here!"
The bald heads in the audience all nodded vigorously.
"Vun child a veek is no good to me!" The Grand High Witch cried out. "Is that the best you
can do?"
"We will do better," murmured the audience. "We will do much better."
"Better is no good either!" shrieked The Grand High Witch. "I demand maximum rrree-sults!
So here are my orders! My orders are that every single child in this country shall be rrrubbed out,
sqvashed, sqvirted, sqvittered and frrrittered before I come here again in vun year's time! Do I make
myself clear?"
A great gasp went up from the audience. I saw the witches all looking at one another with
deeply troubled expressions. And I heard one witch at the end of the front row saying aloud, "All of
them! We can't possibly wipe out all of them!"
The Grand High Witch whipped round as though someone had stuck a skewer into her
bottom. "Who said that?" she snapped. "Who dares to argue vith me? It vos you, vos it not?" She
pointed a gloved finger as sharp as a needle at the witch who had spoken.
"I didn't mean it, Your Grandness!" the witch cried out. "I didn't mean to argue! I was just
talking to myself!"
"You dared to argue vith me!" screamed The Grand High Witch.
"I was just talking to myself!" cried the wretched witch. "I swear it, Your Grandness!" She
began to shake with fear.
The Grand High Witch took a quick step forward, and when she spoke again, it was in a voice
that made my blood run cold.
"A stupid vitch who answers back
Must burn until her bones are black!"
she screamed.
"No, no!" begged the witch in the front row. The Grand High Witch went on,
"A foolish vitch vithout a brain
Must sizzle in the fiery flame!"
"Save me!" cried the wretched witch in the front row. The Grand High Witch took no notice
of her. She spoke again.
"An idiotic vitch like you
Must rrroast upon the barbecue!"
"Forgive me, O Your Grandness!" cried the miserable culprit. "I didn't mean it!" But The
Grand High Witch continued with her terrible recital.
"A vitch who dares to say I'm wrrrong
Vill not be vith us very long!"
A moment later, a stream of sparks that looked like tiny white-hot metal-filings came shooting
out of The Grand High Witch's eyes and flew straight towards the one who had dared to speak. I saw
the sparks striking against her and burrowing, into her and she screamed a horrible howling scream
and a puff of smoke rose up around her. A smell of burning meat filled the room.
Nobody moved. Like me, they were all watching the smoke, and when it had cleared away,
the chair was empty. I caught a glimpse of something wispy-white, like a little cloud, fluttering
upwards and disappearing out of the window.
A great sigh rose up from the audience.
The Grand High Witch glared around the room. "I hope nobody else is going to make me
cross today," she remarked.
There was a deathly silence.
"Frrrizzled like a frrritter," said The Grand High Witch. "Cooked like a carrot. You vill never
see her again. Now vee can get down to business."
像油煎饼那样吱吱响
所有女人，或者不如说所有女巫，如今在座位上一动不动，像中了催眠术似的看着突然
出现在讲坛上的一个人。这个人是另一个女人。
关于这个女人，我注意到的第一件事是她的个子。她个子很小，大概不到四英尺半，看
上去很年轻，我猜想是二十五六岁，非常漂亮。她穿一件十分时髦的黑长袍，一直拖到地，
戴的黑手套长到胳膊肘上。和其他女士不同的是，她没有戴帽子。
我觉得她看上去根本不像一个女巫，但她不可能不是女巫，否则她在讲坛上干什么？同
时所有的女巫又为什么充满爱戴、敬畏和恐惧的混合表情看着她？
讲坛上的那位小姐慢慢地把双手举到她的脸上。我看见她用戴着手套的手指解开耳后的
钩子什么的，然后……然后她抓住两边的脸颊，把整张脸拉了下来！整张漂亮的脸一下子离
开了她，拿在她的手里！
原来是一个面具！
她剥下面具后，转脸把它小心翼翼地放在旁边的小桌子上。等到她重新转过脸来面对我
们时，我差点儿失声大叫起来。
她的真面目是我有生以来从未见过的最可怕最吓人的东西。我只要看上一眼就会浑身哆
嗦。它是那样扭曲、枯萎，又皱缩又干瘪，看去像是在醋里腌过。它的样子使人害怕和恐
怖。这张脸出了严重的问题，正在发臭、化脓、腐烂。它的边缘可以说全都烂掉了，在脸的
中部，环绕着嘴和脸颊，我可以看出皮肤都溃烂和蛀蚀了，好像长了蛆。
有时候看到的东西太可怕，你会被它吸引住，挪不开眼睛。现在我就是这样。我被这女
人脸部的骇人样子吸引住了，而且不仅如此，当她那双眼睛对着听众闪烁时，它们射出一种
毒蛇才有的目光。
自然，我一下子就明白，这个女人只能是女巫大王本人。我还明白，她为什么要戴上面
具。如果她露出真容，她永远不能出现在大庭广众当中，不能住到旅馆里来。不管是谁，一
看见她就会尖叫着逃跑了。
“那门！”女巫大王叫道，声音响彻整个房间，又从四周的墙壁上弹了回来。“那门闩上了
吗？铁链拴好了吗？”
“门闩上了，铁链拴好了，大王。”听众中一个声音回答。
在她那腐朽蛀蚀的脸上，那双深陷的、闪闪发亮的蛇眼正一眨不眨地注视着坐在她对面
的女巫们。“可以脱下你们的手套了！”她叫道。我注意到，她的声音和我遇到的站在七叶树
下的那个女巫声音一样，带有硬金属音，只是响得多，刺耳得多。它像锉刀锉东西。它像磨
牙。它像狗吠。它像刮铁皮。它像是哇哇叫。它像是咆哮。
房间里所有的人都脱下了手套，我注意看后排那些人的手。我急于要看到她们的手指是
什么样子的，看看我姥姥有没有说对。啊……不错……现在我看到几双手了！我看到那些棕
色爪子上的指头顶端向里弯曲着！这些爪子约两英寸长，头上尖尖的！
“你们可以脱掉你们的鞋子了！”女巫大王吠叫道。
我听到房间里所有的女巫踢掉窄细的高跟鞋时，发出松了口气的叹息声。接着我看到椅
子底下几双穿着长统袜的脚，真是方头的，完全没有脚趾。它们很难看，脚趾好像被刀切掉
了。
“你们可以拿掉你们的假发了！”女巫大王号叫道。她说话很怪，带外国腔，声音刺耳并
有喉音，有些音一下子发不出来，嘴动了半天才把字吐出来。“拿掉你们的假发，让你们出疹
的头皮透透气吧！”她叫道。所有的手伸到头上，所有的假发（连同帽子）被举了起来，这时
听众席上再一次发出松了口气的叹息声。
现在我面前出现了一排排女人的秃头，一片光头皮的海洋。每一个秃头上都是假发擦红
擦痒的样子。我简直无法告诉你们它们多么叫人恶心。整个场面，由于上面是那些可怕的出
疹的秃头，下面是身上穿着的时髦鲜艳的衣服，因而显得更怪。真是奇形怪状。真是怪诞无
比。
噢，天啊！我想。噢，救命啊！噢，上帝怜悯我！这些难看的秃头女人，每一个都是杀
害儿童的凶手。我却和她们被关在同一个房间里，逃不出去！
这时候我猛然想到又一件加倍恐怖的事。我姥姥说过，她们特殊的鼻孔在漆黑的夜里也
能闻出对面马路的孩子的气味。迄今为止，我姥姥的话都一一应验了。因此，后排随时会有
一个女巫闻出我来，并大叫：“狗屎！”接着尖叫声会响彻全厅，我将像老鼠一样被逼到角落
里。
我跪在屏风后面的地板上，连气也不敢透。
接着我忽然想起我姥姥告诉过我的另一件非常重要的事。“你越脏，”她说，“女巫就越难
把你闻出来。”
离我上回洗澡已经多久啦？
我好久没洗澡了。我在旅馆里有自己的房间，我姥姥再也没有想到过叫我洗澡这种傻
事。想下来，到这里以后我根本没有洗过澡。
我洗手洗脸又是什么时候的事呢？
肯定不是今天早上。
也不是昨天。
我低头看看我的手，上面满是污迹和泥，天知道上面还有什么别的东西！
因此我也许还有机会。臭气波可能不会透过这些污垢传出来。
“英国的女巫们！”女巫大王叫道。我注意到她本人没有拿掉她的假发，或者脱掉她的手
套和鞋子。“英国的女巫们！”她大叫道。
听众们胆战心惊地骚动了一下，然后在椅子上坐得更加毕恭毕敬。
“可怜的女巫们！”她叫道，“不中用的懒惰的女巫们！软弱无力、无所事事的女巫们！你
们是一群没用的懒虫！”
听众一阵颤抖。她们知道，女巫大王显然情绪不好。我有个感觉，马上要出什么可怕的
事了。
“今天早晨我吃早饭的时候，”女巫大王叫着，“我透过窗子看海滩。我看到什么啦？我问
你们，我看到什么啦？我看到了使人恶心的景象！我看到几百个，我看到几千个可恶的该死
的小孩在玩沙子！这使我饭也吃不下！为什么你们不消灭他们？”她尖叫道，“你们为什么不
干掉所有这些肮脏的臭小孩？”
她每说一个字都有淡蓝色的口水从她嘴里像雨珠一样喷出来。
“我在问你们，为什么？”她叫道。
没有人回答她的问题。
“孩子们臭气扑鼻！”她叫道，“他们的臭气污染世界！我们不要这里的这些孩子！”
所有听众拼命地点着她们的秃头。
“一星期干掉一个孩子是不能叫我满意的！”女巫大王叫道，“这就是你们所能做的吗？”
“我们可以做得更好！”听众喃喃地说道，“我们可以做得更好！”
“更好还不够！”女巫大王尖叫，“我要求尽可能得多！因此，现在我发布命令！我的命令
是：在我一年后再回到此地来之前，这个国家的每一个孩子都要被消灭掉，都要压扁，都要
压烂，都要烧死！我的话你们听明白了没有？”
听众发出喘气声。我看到女巫们都在互相看，带着极其为难的表情。我听到前排边上一
个女巫大声说：“所有的孩子？我们不可能消灭所有的孩子！”
女巫大王猛一跳，好像屁股给烤肉叉捅了一下。“这句话是谁说的？”她厉声说，“什么人
胆敢和我斗嘴？是你？”她用一只尖得像针的戴着手套的手指指着刚才说话的女巫。
“我不是这个意思，大王！”那女巫急叫道，“我不是想斗嘴！我只是自言自语！”
“你竟敢和我斗嘴！”女巫大王怒吼道。
“我只是自言自语！”这可怜的女巫大叫道，“我发誓，大王！”她开始吓得发抖。
女巫大王很快地上前一步，再开口时，那声音使我的血都凉了。
她叫道：
“一个笨女巫竟敢回嘴，
必须烧得她骨头变黑！”
“不要，不要！”前排那个女巫讨饶说。
女巫大王说下去：
“一个傻女巫没有头脑，
必须在熊熊烈火中烧掉！”
“救命啊！”前排那个女巫急叫。
女巫大王不理她，接着说：
“像你这样的白痴女巫，
必须放在烤肉架上当烤猪！”
“饶了我吧，噢，大王！”可怜的女巫叫道，“我不是有心说的！”
可是女巫大王继续念念有词地说她可怕的话：
“哪个女巫胆敢说我错，
她就别想活！”
紧接着，一连串像白色热铁屑的火花从女巫大王的眼睛里喷射出来，一直射向不敢再说
话的那个女巫。我看着火花射到她身上，她恐怖地号叫，浑身冒烟。房间里充满了肉被烤焦
的气味。
没有人敢动一动。她们像我一样全看着那股烟。等到烟散开，椅子上空了。我看到一缕
淡淡的白色的烟向上飘起，消失在窗外。
听众发出重重的叹气声。
女巫大王环视房间。“我希望今天再没有人使我生气了。”她说道。
一片死寂。
“像油煎饼那样吱吱响，”女巫大王说，“像个胡萝卜那样煮熟了。你们再也看不见她啦。
现在我们可以接下去谈正事了。”
Formula 86 Delayed Action Mouse-Maker 86号配方慢性变鼠药
Formula 86 Delayed Action Mouse-Maker
"Children are rrree-volting!" screamed The Grand High Witch. "Vee vill vipe them all avay!
Vee vill scrrrub them off the face of the earth! Vee vill flush them down the drain!"
"Yes, yes!" chanted the audience. "Wipe them away! Scrub them off the earth! Flush them
down the drain!"
"Children are foul and filthy!" thundered The Grand High Witch.
"They are! They are!" chorused the English witches. "They are foul and filthy!"
"Children are dirty and stinky!" screamed The Grand High Witch.
"Dirty and stinky!" cried the audience, getting more and more worked up.
"Children are smelling of dogs' drrroppings!" screeched The Grand High Witch.
"Pooooooo!" cried the audience. "Pooooooo! Pooooooo! Pooooooo!"
"They are vurse than dogs' drrroppings!" screeched The Grand High Witch. "Dogs'
drrroppings is smelling like violets and prrrimroses compared vith children!"
"Violets and primroses!" chanted the audience. They were clapping and cheering almost
every word spoken from the platform. The speaker seemed to have them completely under her spell.
"To talk about children is making me sick!" screamed The Grand High Witch. "I am feeling
sick even thinking about them! Fetch me a basin!"
The Grand High Witch paused and glared at the mass of eager faces in the audience. They
waited, wanting more.
"So now!" barked The Grand High Witch. "So now I am having a plan! I am having a
giganticus plan for getting rrrid of every single child in the whole of Inkland!"
The witches gasped. They gaped. They turned and gave each other ghoulish grins of
excitement.
"Yes!" thundered The Grand High Witch. "Vee shall svish them and svollop them and vee
shall make to disappear every single smelly little brrrat in Inkland in vun strrroke!"
"Whoopee!" cried the witches, clapping their hands. "You are brilliant, O Your Grandness!
You are fantabulous!"
"Shut up and listen!" snapped The Grand High Witch. "Listen very carefully and let us not be
having any muck-ups!"
The audience leaned forward, eager to learn how this magic was going to be performed.
"Each and every vun of you", thundered The Grand High Witch, "is to go back to your home
towns immediately and rrree-sign from your jobs. Rrree-sign! Give notice! Rrree-tire!"
"We will!" they cried. "We will resign from our jobs!"
"And after you have rrree-signed from your jobs," The Grand High Witch went on, "each and
every vuri of you vill be going out and you vill be buying... " She paused.
"What will we be buying?" they cried. "Tell us, O Brilliant One, what is it we shall be
buying?"
"Sveet-shops!" shouted The Grand High Witch.
"Sweet-shops!" they cried. "We are going to buy sweet-shops! What a frumptious wheeze!"
"Each of you vill be buying for herself a sveetshop. You vill be buying the very best and most
rrree-spectable sweet-shops in Inkland."
"We will! We will!" they answered. Their dreadful voices were like a chorus of dentists' drills
all grinding away together.
"I am vonting no tuppenny- ha'penny crrrummy little tobacco- selling- newspaper- sweet-
shops!" shouted The Grand High Witch. "I am vonting you to get only the very best shops filled up
high with piles and piles of luscious sweets and tasty chocs!"
"The best!" they cried. "We shall buy the best sweet-shops in town!"
"You will be having no trouble in getting vot you wont," shouted The Grand High Witch,
"because you will be offering four times as much as a shop is vurth and nobody is rrree-fusing an
offer like that! Money is not a prrroblem to us witches as you know very well. I have brrrought with
me six trrrunks stuffed full of Inklish banknotes, all new and crrrisp. And all of them," she added with
a fiendish leer, "all of them homemade."
The witches in the audience grinned, appreciating this joke.
At that point, one foolish witch got so excited at the possibilities presented by owning a
sweetshop that she leapt to her feet and shouted, "The children will come flocking to my shop and I
will feed them poisoned sweets and poisoned chocs and wipe them all out like weasels!"
The room became suddenly silent. I saw the tiny body of The Grand High Witch stiffen and
then go rigid with rage. "Who spoke? " she shrieked. "It vos you! You over there!"
The culprit sat down fast and covered her face with her clawed hands.
"You blithering bumpkin!" screeched The Grand High Witch. "You brrrainless bogvumper!
Are you not rrree-alising that if you are going rrround poisoning little children you vill be caught in
five minutes flat? Never in my life am I hearing such a boshvolloping suggestion coming from a
vitch!"
The entire audience cowered and shook. I'm quite sure they all thought, as I did, that the
terrible white-hot sparks were about to start flying again.
Curiously enough, they didn't.
'If such a tomfiddling idea is all you can be coming up vith," thundered The Grand High
Witch, "then it is no vunder Inkland is still svorming vith rrrotten little children!"
There was another silence. The Grand High Witch glared at the witches in the audience. "Do
you not know", she shouted at them, "that vee witches are vurrrking only with magic?"
"We know, Your Grandness!" they all answered.
"Of course we know!"
The Grand High Witch grated her bony gloved hands against each other and cried out, "So
each of you is owning a magnificent sweet-shop! The next move is that each of you will be
announcing in the window of your shop that on a certain day you will be having a Great Gala
Opening with frree sweets and chocs to every child!"
"That will bring them in, the greedy little brutes!" cried the audience. "They'll be fighting to
get through the doors!"
"Next," continued The Grand High Witch, "you will prepare yourselves for this Great Gala
Opening by filling every choc and every sweet in your shop with my very latest and grrreatest magic
formula! This is known as FORMULA 86 DELAYED ACTION MOUSE-MAKER!"
"Delayed Action Mouse- Maker!" they chanted. "She's done it again! Her Grandness has
concocted yet another of her wondrous magic child-killers! How do we make it, O Brilliant One?"
"Exercise patience," answered The Grand High Witch. "First, I am explaining to you how my
Formula 86 Delayed Action Mouse-Maker is vurrrking. Listen carefully."
"We are listening!" cried the audience who were now jumping up and down in their chairs
with excitement.
"Delayed Action Mouse-Maker is a green liqvid," explained The Grand High Witch, "and vun
droplet in each choc or sveet vill be qvite enough. So here is vot happens:
"Child eats choc vich has in it Delayed Action Mouse-Maker liqvid...
"Child goes home feeling fine...
"Child goes to bed, still feeling fine...
"Child vakes up in the morning still okay...
"Child goes to school still feeling fine...
"Formula, you understand, is delayed action, and is not vurrrking yet."
"We understand, O Brainy One!" cried the audience. "But when does it start working?"
"It is starting to vurrrk at exactly nine o'clock, vhen the child is arriving at school!" shouted
The Grand High Witch triumphantly. "Child arrives at school. Delayed Action Mouse- Maker
immediately starts to vurrrk. Child starts to shrrrink. Child is starting to grow fur. Child is starting to
grow tail. All is happening in prrreecisely tventy-six seconds. After tventy-six seconds, child is not a
child any longer. It is a mouse!"
"A mouse!" cried the witches. "What a frumptious thought!"
"Classrooms vill all be svorrrming vith mice!" shouted The Grand High Witch. "Chaos and
pandemonium vill be rrreigning in every school in Inkland! Teachers vill be hopping up and down!
Vimmen teachers vill be standing on desks and holding up skirts and yelling, 'Help, help, help!' "
"They will! They will!" cried the audience.
"And vot", shouted The Grand High Witch, "is happening next in every school?"
"Tell us!" they cried. "Tell us, O Brainy One!"
The Grand High Witch stretched her stringy neck forward and grinned at the audience,
showing two rows of pointed teeth, slightly blue. She raised her voice louder than ever and shouted,
"Mouse-trrraps is coming out!"
"Mouse-traps!" cried the witches.
"And cheese!" shouted The Grand High Witch "Teachers is all rrrushing and rrrunning out
and getting mouse-trrraps and baiting them vith cheese and putting them down all over school! Mice
is nibbling cheese! Mouse-trrraps is going off! All over school, mouse-trrraps is going snappety-snap
and mouse-heads is rrrolling across the floors like marbles! All over Inkland, in everrry school in
Inkland, noise of snapping mouse-trrraps vill be heard!"
At this point, the disgusting old Grand High Witch began to do a sort of witch's dance up and
down the platform, stamping her feet and clapping her hands. The entire audience joined in the
clapping and the foot-stamping. They were making such a tremendous racket that I thought surely Mr
Stringer would hear it and come banging at the door. But he didn't. Then, above all the noise, I heard
the voice of The Grand High Witch screaming out some sort of an awful gloating song,
"Down vith children! Do them in!
Boil their bones and fry their skin!
Bish them, sqvish them, bash them, mash them!
Brrreak them, shake them, slash them, smash them!
Offer chocs vith magic powder!
Say 'Eat up!' then say it louder.
Crrram them full of sticky eats,
Send them home still guzzling sveets.
And in the morning little fools
Go marching off to separate schools.
A girl feels sick and goes all pale.
She yells, 'Hey look! I've grrrown a tail!'
A boy who's standing next to her
Screams, 'Help! I think I'm grrrowing fur!'
Another shouts, Wee look like frrreaks!
There's viskers growing on our cheeks!'
A boy who vos extremely tall
Cries out, 'Vot's wrong? I'm grrrowing small!'
Four tiny legs begin to sprrrout
From everybody rrround about.
And all at vunce, all in a trrrice,
There are no children! Only mice!
In every school is mice galore
All rerunning rrround the school-rrroom floor!
And all the poor demented teachers
Is yelling, 'Hey, who are these crrreatures?'
They stand upon the desks and shout,
'Get out, you filthy mice! Get out!
Vill someone fetch some mouse-trrraps, please!
And don't forrrget to bring the cheese!'
Now mouse-trrraps come and every trrrap
Goes snippy-snip and snappy-snap.
The mouse-trrraps have a powerful spring,
The springs go crack and snap and ping!
Is lovely noise for us to hear!
Is music to a vitch's ear!
Dead mice is every place arrround,
Piled two feet deep upon the grrround,
Vith teachers searching left and aright,
But not a single child in sight!
The teachers cry, 'Vot's going on?
Oh vhere have all the children gone?
Is half-past nine and as a rrrule
They're never late as this for school!'
Poor teachers don't know vot to do.
Some sit and rrread, and just a few
Amuse themselves throughout the day
By sveeping all the mice avay.
AND ALL US VITCHES SHOUT HOORAY!"

86号配方慢性变鼠药
“小孩子最讨厌！”女巫大王叫道，“我们要把他们全部消灭！我们要把他们从地球上抹
去！我们要把他们全冲到阴沟里！”
“对，对！”听众附和着说，“全消灭掉！从地球上全抹去！全冲到阴沟里！”
“小孩子又丑又讨厌！”女巫大王声如巨雷。
“是的，是的！”英国女巫们同声叫道，“他们又丑又讨厌！”
“小孩子又脏又臭！”女巫大王叫道。
“又脏又臭！”听众越来越使劲地附和。
“小孩子有狗屎味！”女巫大王尖叫。
“呸——！”听众叫道，“呸——！呸——！呸——！”
“他们比狗屎还臭！”女巫大王叫道，“狗屎比起孩子来还有紫罗兰和樱草花味！”
“紫罗兰和樱草花味！”听众同声说。讲坛上的人每说一个字她们几乎都鼓掌欢呼。演讲
人好像用咒语把她们完全迷住了。
“提到孩子就使我作呕！”女巫大王叫道，“连想到孩子都使我作呕！给我个痰盂！”
女巫大王暂停片刻，看着听众焦急的脸。她们等着，要听下去。
“好，”女巫大王吠叫道，“现在我想出了一个计划！我想出了一个庞大的计划，要消灭掉
英国儿童，消灭得一个也不剩！”
女巫们喘气。她们喘起了气。她们转脸相互兴奋地狞笑。
“是的！”女巫大王像打雷一样叫着，“我们要杀死他们，干掉他们。我们要一下子消灭全
英国每一个臭气扑鼻的小鬼头！”
“万岁！”女巫们拍手大叫，“你真了不起，噢，大王！你真出色！”
“闭嘴听着！”女巫大王厉声说，“仔细听着，不要有任何差错！”
听众俯身向前，急于知道这把戏怎么变。
“你们每一个马上回到自己的城镇，”女巫大王又打雷般地叫道，“辞去你们的职务。辞
职！通知！退休！”
“遵命！”她们叫道，“我们辞去我们的职务！”
“辞去职务以后，”女巫大王说下去，“你们每人都要去买……”她停下来。
“我们去买什么？”她们叫道，“告诉我们，大王，我们去买什么？”
“糖果店！”女巫大王叫道。
“糖果店！”她们跟着叫，“我们去买糖果店！多么妙的俏皮话！”
“真的，你们各买一家糖果店。你们买下全英国最好和最出名的糖果店。”
“遵命！遵命！”她们答道。她们可怕的声音像是牙科医生们的钻孔机同时开动一样。
“我不是指兼卖香烟报纸的那种小糖果店！”女巫大王叫道，“我要你们只买那些陈列高级
糖果和美味巧克力的最好的糖果店！”
“最好的！”她们叫道，“我们买下城里最好的糖果店！”
“你们买它们一点也不难，”女巫大王叫道，“因为你出四倍于那个店的价钱。这个价钱是
没有人不肯卖的！你们很清楚，钱对我们女巫来说不成问题。我带来了六大旅行箱的英国钞
票，都是崭新的。所有钞票，”她恶毒地斜眼瞥了一下，加上一句，“所有钞票都是自制的。”
听着的女巫全都龇牙咧嘴笑，很欣赏这句俏皮话。
这时候，一个傻呼呼的女巫对于拥有一家糖果店会带来的好处感到太兴奋了，跳起身大
叫起来：“孩子们会成群结队地来我的糖果店，我给他们有毒的糖果和有毒的巧克力，把他们
像鼬鼠一样全毒死！”
整个房间的女巫猛地静了下来。我看见女巫大王的小身体僵住不动了，接着她气得板起
了脸。“这话是谁说的？”她叫道，“是你！是那边的你！”
那说错话的女巫赶紧坐下，用她带爪子的手捂住脸。
“你这个胡说八道的土头土脑的家伙！”女巫大王叫道，“你这个没有头脑的笨蛋！你不明
白吗，你这样毒死孩子会马上被捉住的？我活到今天还没听见过一个女巫会说出这种废话
来！”
全体听众簌簌发抖。我断定她们都和我想得一样：可怕的白热火花又要喷出来了。
奇怪的是它们没有喷出来。
“如果你们想出来的只是这种馊主意，”女巫大王打雷般叫道，“难怪英国仍然还满是那些
该死的小鬼呢！”
又是一阵静寂。女巫大王看着在谛听的女巫们。“你们难道不知道，”她对她们嚷嚷
道，“我们女巫干什么都只用魔法吗？”
“我们知道，大王！”她们全体回答，“我们当然知道！”
女巫大王擦着她戴手套的瘦骨嶙峋的双手叫起来：“好，现在你们每一个都有了一家头等
糖果店！你们下一步就是在糖果店橱窗上贴出通告，定在某天隆重开张，向每一个小朋友免
费赠送糖果和巧克力！”
“那些馋嘴小鬼要拥进店里来了，”听众叫道，“他们要你争我夺地抢着进门了！”
“接下来，”女巫大王说下去，“为了隆重开张，你们在你们的店里摆满用我最新最伟大的
魔法配方制成的糖果和巧克力！这就是‘86号配方慢性变鼠药’！”
“慢性变鼠药！”她们重复着叫道，“她又想出新花样了！大王又调制出她另一种了不起的
消灭儿童的魔药了！我们怎么配制呢，噢，至高无上的大王？”
“要有耐心，”女巫大王回答说，“首先，我向你们解释我的‘86号配方慢性变鼠药’是怎么
用的。仔细听好了。”
“我们听好了！”听众叫着说。现在她们激动得在她们的椅子那里蹦蹦跳。
“‘慢性变鼠药’是一种药水，”女巫大王说，“在每颗巧克力或糖果上放一小滴就够了。使
用情况如下：
“小孩吃下放有‘慢性变鼠药’的巧克力……
“小孩回家时感觉良好……
“小孩上床时仍旧感觉良好……
“小孩第二天早晨醒来时依然没事……
“小孩上学时还是感觉良好……
“你们要明白，这药是慢慢起作用的，还没到时候。”
“我们明白，聪明透顶的大王！”听众叫道，“但它什么时候开始起作用呢？”
“它在九点钟准时起作用，就在那孩子到学校的时候！”女巫大王得意地叫道，“孩子来到
学校，‘慢性变鼠药’就立刻起作用了。他开始缩小。他开始长毛。他开始长尾巴。全部过程在
二十六秒钟内完成。二十六秒钟后，这孩子就再也不是个孩子了。他成了一只老鼠！”
“一只老鼠！”女巫们叫道，“多么妙的主意！”
“所有的教室里将满是老鼠！”女巫大王叫道，“英国所有的学校将发生一场大乱！男老师
们蹦蹦跳跳！女老师们都站到写字台上，撩起裙边大叫，‘救命啊，救命啊，救命啊！’”
“他们会这样的！他们会这样的！”听众大叫。
“再接下来，”女巫大王叫道，“每个学校还会发生什么事呢？”
“告诉我们吧！”她们叫道，“告诉我们吧，噢，聪明的大王！”
女巫大王向前伸出她青筋暴出的脖子，对听众怪笑，露出两排有点蓝的尖牙。她把声音
提得更高，叫道：“老鼠夹出台了！”
“老鼠夹！”女巫们叫道。
“还有干酪！”女巫大王叫道，“教师们全跑出去找来老鼠夹，用干酪做诱饵，放满整个学
校！老鼠们吃干酪！老鼠夹弹起来！整座学校里的老鼠夹劈劈啪啪响，老鼠头一个个像玻璃
弹子一样满地滚！在整个英国，在整个英国的每一所学校里，都会听到老鼠夹的劈劈啪啪
声。”
说到这里，可恶的女巫老大王开始在讲坛上跳女巫的舞蹈，蹦蹦跳，顿脚，拍手。全体
听众跟着拍手顿脚。她们发出那么大的声音，我想斯特林杰先生会听见，并且来敲门的，但
是他没有来。
接着，在一片吵声中，我听见女巫大王尖声唱起一支可怕的扬扬得意的歌：
打倒孩子！骗他们上钩！
油炸他们的皮，煮他们的骨头！
摇撼他们，压扁他们，砸烂他们，捣烂他们！
揍死他们，打死他们，砍死他们，粉碎他们！
送给他们有毒的巧克力！
对他们大声说：“吃下去！”
让他们吃着糖回家里。
早晨这些小傻猫，
上他们各自的学校。
一个女孩想吐，满脸苍白，
她叫道：“哎呀，瞧！我长出了尾巴来！”
她旁边一个男孩哇哇叫：
“救命啊！我想我身上长出了毛！”
“我们像是怪物。”另一个叫了一句，
“我们的脸上长出了胡须！”
一个男孩长得特别高，
叫道：“出了什么事？我一点一点在变小！”
周围每一个小鬼，
手脚开始变成四条小小的腿。
一下子，两下子，
再也没有孩子，就只有耗子！
每个学校成了老鼠的天下，
它们在所有的教室里跑的跑，爬的爬！
所有发了疯的可怜教师大叫连声：
“哎呀，哪儿来的这么多小畜生？”
他们站到桌子上大喊：
“滚开，你们这些肮脏的老鼠！快滚蛋！
哪一位请快拿来老鼠夹好不好！
别忘了再拿来点干酪！”
现在老鼠夹纷纷拿到，
它们响个没完没了。
老鼠夹有厉害的弹簧，
弹起来乒乒乓乓！
这些声音实在动听，
我们女巫听着就像音乐之声！
到处堆起了死老鼠，
足有两英尺的高度，
教师东寻西找，
可是一个孩子也看不到！
教师们叫道：“到底出了什么事？
所有孩子都到了哪里？
现在已经九点半，上课铃早就已经敲，
他们上学可是从来不迟到！”
可怜的教师们不知怎么办才好。
有的坐着读书，只有几位由于无聊，
整天在扫死老鼠。
只有我们所有的女巫，
“万岁！万岁！”热烈欢呼！
The Recipe 配方
The Recipe
I hope you haven't forgotten that while all this was going on I was still stuck behind the
screen on my hands and knees with one eye glued to the crack. I don't know how long I had been
there but it seemed like for ever. The worst part of it was not being allowed to cough or make a
sound, and knowing that if I did, I was as good as dead. And all the way through, I was living in
constant terror that one of the witches in the back row was going to get a whiff of my presence
through those special nose-holes of hers.
My only hope, as I saw it, was the fact that I hadn't washed for days. That and the never-
ending excitement and clapping and shouting that was going on in the room. The witches were
thinking of nothing except The Grand High Witch up there on the platform and her great plan for
wiping out all the children of England. They certainly weren't sniffing around for a child in the room.
In their wildest dreams (if witches have dreams), that would never have occurred to any of them. I
kept still and prayed.
The Grand High Witch's dreadful gloating song was over now, and the audience was clapping
madly and shouting, "Brilliant! Sensational! Marvellous! You are a genius, O Brainy One! It is a
thrilling invention, this Delayed Action Mouse-Maker! It is a winner! And the beauty of it is that the
teachers will be the ones who bump off the stinking little children! It won't be us doing it! We shall
never be caught!"
"Vitches are never caught!" snapped The Grand High Witch. "Attention now! I vont
everybody's attention for I am about to be telling you vot you must do to prepare Formula 86 Delayed
Action Mouse-Maker!"
Suddenly there came a great gasp from the audience. This was followed by a hubbub of
shrieking and yelling, and I saw many of the witches leaping to their feet and pointing at the platform
and crying out, "Mice! Mice! Mice! She's done it to show us! The Brainy One has turned two
children into mice and there they are!"
I looked toward the platform. The mice were there all right, two of them, running around near
The Grand High Witch's skirts.
But these were not field mice or house mice or wood mice or harvest mice. They were white
mice! I recognised them immediately as being my own little William and Mary!
"Mice!" shouted the audience. "Our leader has made mice to appear out of nowhere! Get the
mouse-traps! Fetch the cheese!"
I saw The Grand High Witch peering down at the floor and staring with obvious puzzlement
at William and Mary. She bent lower to get a closer look. Then she straightened up and shouted,
"Qviet!"
The audience became silent and sat down.
"These mice are nothing to do vith me!" she shouted. "These mice are pet mice! These mice
are qvite obviously belonging to some rrreepellent little child in the hotel! A boy it vill be for a
certainty because girls are not keeping pet mice!"
"A boy!" cried the witches. "A filthy smelly little boy! We'll swipe him! We'll swizzle him!
We'll have his tripes for breakfast!"
"Silence!" shouted The Grand High Witch, raising her hands. "You know perrrfectly vell you
must do nothing to drrraw attention to yourselves vhile you are living in the hotel! Let us by all
means get rrrid of this evil-smelling little sqvirt, but vee must do it as qvietly as possible, for are vee
not all of us the most rrree-spectable ladies of the Rrroyal Society for the Prrree-vention of Crrruelty
to Children?"
"What do you suggest then, O Brainy One?" they cried out. "How shall we dispose of this
small pile of filth?"
They're talking about me, I thought. These females are actually talking about how to kill me. I
began to sweat.
"Whoever he is, he is not important," announced The Grand High Witch. "Leave him to me. I
shall smell him out and turn him into a mackerel and have him dished up for supper."
"Bravo!" cried the witches. "Cut off his head and chop off his tail and fry him in hot butter!"
You can imagine that none of this was making me feel very comfortable. William and Mary
were still running around on the platform, and I saw The Grand High Witch aim a swift running kick
at William. She caught him right on the point of her toe and sent him flying. She did the same to
Mary. Her aim was extraordinary. She would have made a great football player. Both mice crashed
against the wall, and for a few moments they lay stunned. Then they got to their feet and scampered
away.
"Attention again!" The Grand High Witch was shouting. "I vill now give to you the rrrecipe
for concocting Formula 86 Delayed Action Mouse-Maker! Get out pencils and paper."
Handbags were opened all over the room and notebooks were fished out.
"Give us the recipe, O Brainy One!" cried the audience impatiently. "Tell us the secret."
"First," said The Grand High Witch, "I had to find something that vould cause the children to
become very small very qvickly."
"And what was that?" cried the audience.
"That part vos simple," said The Grand High Witch. "All you have to do if you are vishing to
make a child very small is to look at him through the wrrrong end of a telescope."
"She's a wonder!" cried the audience. "Who else would have thought of a thing like that?"
"So you take the wrrrong end of a telescope," continued The Grand High Witch, "and you
boil it until it gets soft."
"How long does that take?" they asked her.
"Tventy-vun hours of boiling," answered The Grand High Witch. "And vhile this is going on,
you take exactly forty-five brrrown mice and you chop off their tails vith a carving-knife and you fry
the tails in hair-oil until they are nice and crrrisp."
"What do we do with all those mice who have had their tails chopped off?" asked the
audience.
"You simmer them in frog-juice for vun hour," came the answer. "But listen to me. So far I
have only given you the easy part of the rrrecipe. The rrreally difficult problem is to put in something
that vill have a genuine delayed action rrree-sult, something that can be eaten by children on a certain
day but vhich vill not start vurrrking on them until nine o'clock the next morning vhen they arrive at
school."
"What did you come up with, O Brainy One?" they called out. "Tell us the great secret!"
"The secret", announced The Grand High Witch triumphantly, "is an alarm-clock!"
"An alarm-clock!" they cried. "It's a stroke of genius!"
"Of course it is," said The Grand High Witch. "You can set a tventy-four-hour alarm-clock
today and at exactly nine o'clock tomorrow it vill go off."
"But we will need five million alarm-clocks!" cried the audience. "We will need one for each
child!"
"Idiots!" shouted The Grand High Witch. "If you are vonting a steak, you do not cook the
whole cow! It is the same vith alarm-clocks. Vun clock vill make enough for a thousand children.
Here is vhat you do. You set your alarm-clock to go off at nine o'clock tomorrow morning. Then you
rrroast it in the oven until it is crrrisp and tender. Are you wrrriting this down?"
"We are, Your Grandness, we are!" they cried.
"Next," said The Grand High Witch, "you take your boiled telescope and your frrried mouse-
tails and your cooked mice and your rrroasted alarm clock and all together you put them into the
mixer. Then you mix them at full speed. This vill give you a nice thick paste. Vhile the mixer is still
mixing you must add to it the yolk of vun grrruntle's egg."
"A gruntle's egg!" cried the audience. "We shall do that!"
Underneath all the clamour that was going on I heard one witch in the back row saying to her
neighbour, "I'm getting a bit old to go bird's nesting. Those ruddy gruntles always nest very high up."
"So you mix in the egg," The Grand High Witch went on, "and vun after the other you also
mix in the following items: the claw of a crrrabcrrruncher, the beak of a blabbersnitch, the snout of a
grrrobblesqvirt and the tongue of a catsprrringer. I trust you are not having any trrrouble finding
those.
"None at all!" they cried out. "We will spear the blabbersnitch and trap the crabcruncher and
shoot the grobblesquirt and catch the catspringer in his burrow!"
"Excellent!" said The Grand High Witch. "Vhen you have mixed everything together in the
mixer, you vill have a most marvellous-looking grrreen liqvid. Put vun drop, just vun titchy droplet
of this liqvid into a chocolate or a sveet, and at nine o'clock the next morning the child who ate it vill
turn into a mouse in tventy-six seconds! But vun vurd of vorning. Never increase the dose. Never put
more than vun drrrop into each sveet or chocolate. And never give more than vun sweet or chocolate
to each child. An overdose of Delayed Action Mouse-Maker vill mess up the timing of the alarm-
clock and cause the child to turn into a mouse too early. A large overdose might even have an instant
effect, and you vouldn't vont that, vould you? You vouldn't vont the children turning into mice rrright
there in your sveet-shops. That vould give the game away. So be very carrreful! Do not overdose!"

配方
我希望大家没有忘记，当所有这些事情发生的时候，我仍旧趴在屏风后面，用一只眼睛
盯着夹缝偷看。我不知道我在那里待了多久，好像已经几千年了。最糟糕的是既不能咳嗽，
也不能发出一点声音。我知道，只要我一有动静，我就必死无疑。我一直处于恐怖之中，怕
后排有个女巫用她的特殊鼻孔闻出我来。
我唯一的希望是我好些日子没有洗澡了，还有就是她们激动不已，所有的人都在拍手大
叫。女巫们只想着讲坛上的女巫大王和她消灭全英国儿童的伟大计划。她们绝对没有在闻房
间里有没有小孩。即使在她们最漫无边际的梦境中（如果女巫也做梦的话），她们也不会想
到这一点。我于是保持安静，暗暗祈祷。
女巫大王那可怕的扬扬得意的歌这会儿唱完了，听众疯狂地鼓掌欢呼：“出色！感人！呱
呱叫！你是一位天才，噢，足智多谋的大王！这‘慢性变鼠药’是一项惊人的发明！它一定能成
功！它的美在于由教师们干掉那些臭小鬼！不用我们亲自动手！我们将永远不会被捕！”
“女巫永远不会被捕！”女巫大王厉声说，“现在听好了！我要人人听好了，因为我这就告
诉你们怎样配制‘慢性变鼠药’！”
听众一下子透不过气来，接着是大吵大嚷。我看到许多女巫跳起来指着讲坛叫道：“老
鼠！老鼠！老鼠！她已经做给我们看了！足智多谋的大王已经把两个孩子变成了老鼠，它们
在那里！”
我朝讲坛看去。是老鼠，有两只，它们正在女巫大王的裙边跑来跑去。
但它们不是田鼠，也不是家鼠或者林鼠。它们是小白鼠！我马上认出来了，它们是我的
小威廉和玛丽！
“老鼠！”听众大叫，“我们的大王空手变出了老鼠！快拿来老鼠夹！快拿来干酪！”
我看见女巫大王低头看着地板，困惑地盯着威廉和玛丽。她把腰弯得更低些，看得更仔
细些。接着她挺直身体叫道：“肃静！”
听众静下来，坐下。
“这两只老鼠和我无关！”她叫道，“这两只老鼠是养来玩的老鼠！这两只老鼠显然是旅馆
里哪个讨厌的小孩的！这小孩准是一个男孩，因为女孩不养老鼠玩！”
“一个男孩！”女巫们喊叫，“一个肮脏的臭男孩！我们要打死他！我们要捣碎他！我们要
拿他的内脏当早饭吃！”
“肃静！”女巫大王举起双手叫道，“你们很清楚，当你们住在旅馆里的时候，你们不要做
出任何事情来引起人们对你们的注意。我们必须尽力消灭这个臭小子，但务必悄悄的，因为
我们不都是‘防止虐待儿童王家协会’的女士吗？”
“那么你叫我们怎么办，噢，足智多谋的大王？”她们叫道，“我们怎么干掉这个小脏鬼
呢？”
我想她们说的正是我。这些女巫的确在谈论怎样干掉我。我开始淌汗了。
“不管他是谁，他并不重要，”女巫大王说，“把他交给我吧。我会把他嗅出来，把他变成
鲐鱼当晚饭吃的。”
“好！”女巫们叫道，“切下他的头，斩下他的尾巴，在滚烫的牛油里煎！”
你们可以想象，这些话没有一句会使我感到舒服。威廉和玛丽仍旧在讲坛上跑来跑去，
我看到女巫大王很快地抬起脚对准威廉，用她的鞋尖踢中它，把它踢走了。她以同样的办法
对付玛丽。她踢得异常准，真可以成为一个伟大的足球运动员。两只小白鼠撞到墙上，躺在
那里昏了几分钟，接着站起来急忙逃走了。
“再好好听我说！”女巫大王在叫，“现在我告诉你们‘86号慢性变鼠药’的配方！你们拿出
铅笔和纸来！”
整个房间里的女巫都打开手提包，拿出笔记本。
“告诉我们配方吧，噢，足智多谋的大王！”听众急不可待地叫道，“把秘密告诉我们
吧！”
“首先，”女巫大王说，“我必须找到一样东西使孩子很快地变得非常小。”
“那是什么？”听众大声问。
“这一步骤很简单，”女巫大王说，“你要把孩子变得非常小，只要用望远镜倒过来的另一
头看他就行了。”
“她真了不起！”听众叫道，“还有谁能想出这样的事呢？”
“因此，你只要把望远镜倒过来拿，”女巫大王说下去，“把它煮软。”
“要煮多长时间呢？”她们问她。
“煮二十一个小时，”女巫大王回答，“趁煮它的时候，你们砍下正好四十五只棕色老鼠的
尾巴，用头发油把这些老鼠尾巴炸脆。”
“我们把砍掉尾巴的老鼠怎么样呢？”听众问道。
“在青蛙汁里炖一个钟头，”女巫大王回答，“但听好，到现在为止，我只告诉了你们配方
中容易做的部分。真正的难题是要放进一种东西，使孩子真正能够慢慢变成老鼠，让他们吃
下去后在第二天早晨九点钟到学校的时候变成老鼠。”
“你想出了什么办法呢，噢，足智多谋的大王？”她们叫起来，“把这重大秘密告诉我们
吧！”
“这秘密，”女巫大王得意地说，“在于闹钟！”
“闹钟！”她们叫道，“真是天才的灵感！”
“那还用说！”女巫大王说道，“你们把一个二十四小时制的闹钟校好，让它在第二天九点
整闹响。”
“那我们需要五百万个闹钟啦！”听众叫道，“一个孩子一个！”
“一群白痴！”女巫大王叫道，“如果你们想要一块煎牛排，也用不着煎整头牛啊！闹钟也
是一样。一个闹钟可以够一千个孩子用。你们就这么办。你们校好闹钟让它第二天早晨九点
响，然后把它放在烤箱里烤到松脆为止。这一条你们记下了吗？”
“记下了，大王，我们记下了！”她们叫道。
“其次，”女巫大王说下去，“你们把煮好的望远镜、炸好的老鼠尾巴、炖好的老鼠和烤好
的闹钟一起放进搅拌器。然后你们全速搅拌它们，把它们搅拌成浓浓的糊糊。一面搅拌一面
加上一个猪嘴鸟的蛋。”
“一个猪嘴鸟的蛋！”听众叫道，“我们照办！”在所有这些叫嚷声中，我听见后排一个女
巫对她旁边的一个女巫说：“要我上树取鸟蛋，我可太老了。那些猪嘴鸟总是把巢筑得高高
的。”
“就这样把蛋拌进去，”女巫大王继续说，“然后陆续拌进如下东西：一个蟹脚鸟的爪子、
一个多嘴鱼的嘴、一条喷气兽的鼻子、一条猫跳兽的舌头。我相信你们不难找到这些东西。”
“一点不难！”她们叫道，“我们会用标枪刺死多嘴鱼，用罗网捉住蟹脚鸟，用枪打死喷气
兽，挖出在地洞里的猫跳兽。”
“很好！”女巫大王说，“所有的东西在搅拌器里搅拌好以后，你们就会得到一种美丽的绿
色液体。在每块巧克力或糖果上滴一滴这种液体，就一小滴。到第二天早晨九点钟，吃了它
们的孩子就会在二十六秒钟内变成一只老鼠。但注意，不要增加剂量。一块糖果或一块巧克
力不要放多于一小滴。‘慢性变鼠药’一超量就会搅乱闹钟的时间，使孩子提早变成老鼠。过分
超量甚至会立时起作用，你们不想这样吧？你们当然不想让孩子在你们的糖果店里就变成老
鼠。这样就坏事了。因此要非常小心！千万不要超量！”
Bruno Jenkins Disappears 布鲁诺·詹金斯失踪
Bruno Jenkins Disappears
The Grand High Witch was starting to talk again. "I am now going to prrrove to you", she
said, "that this rrrecipe is vurrrking to perrrfection. You understand, of course, that you can set the
alarm-clock to go off at any time you like. It does not have to be nine o'clock. So yesterday I am
personally prrree-paring a small qvantity of the magic formula in order to give to you a public
demonstration. But I am making vun small change in the rrrecipe. Before I am rrroasting the alarm-
clock, I am setting it to go off, not at nine o'clock the next morning, but at half-past thrrree the next
afternoon. Vhich means half-past thrrree this afternoon. And that", she said, glancing at her wrist-
watch, "is in prrree-cisely seven minutes' time!"
The audience of witches was listening intently, sensing that something dramatic was about to
happen.
"So vot am I doing yesterday vith this magic liqvid?" asked The Grand High Witch. "I vill tell
you vot I am doing. I am putting vun drrroplet of it into a very sqvishy chocolate bar and I am giving
this bar to a rrree-pulsive smelly little boy who is hanging rrround the lobby of the hotel."
The Grand High Witch paused. The audience remained silent, waiting for her to go on.
"I votched this rrree-pulsive little brrrute gobbling up the sqvishy bar of chocolate and vhen
he had finished, I said to him, 'Vos that good?' He said it vos great. So I said to him, Would you like
some more?' And he said, 'Yes.' So I said, 'I vill give you six more chocolate bars like that if you vill
meet me in the Ballroom of this hotel at tventy-five-past thrrree tomorrow afternoon.' 'Six bars!' cried
this greedy little svine. 'I'll be there! You bet I'll be there!'
"So the stage is set!" shouted The Grand High Witch. "The prrroof of the pudding is about to
begin! Do not forget that before I am rrroasting the alarm-clock yesterday, I am setting it for half-past
thrrree today. It is now" ---she glanced again at her watch --- "it is now exactly tventy-five minutes
past thrrree and the nasty little stinker who vill be turning into a mouse in five minutes' time should at
this very moment be standing outside the doors!"
And by gum, she was absolutely right. The boy, whoever he might be, was already rattling the
door-handle and banging on the doors with his fist.
"Qvick!" shrieked The Grand High Witch. "Put on your vigs! Put on your gloves! Put on your
shoes!"
There was a great rustle and bustle of putting on wigs and gloves and shoes, and I saw The
Grand High Witch herself reach for her face-mask and put it on over that revolting face of hers. It
was astonishing how that mask transformed her. All of a sudden she became once again a rather
pretty young lady.
"Let me in!" came the boy's voice from behind the doors. "Where are those chocolate bars
you promised me? I'm here to collect! Dish them out!"
"He is not only smelly, he is also grrreedy," said The Grand High Witch. "Rrree-moof the
chains from the doors and let him come in." The extraordinary thing about the mask was that its lips
moved quite naturally when she spoke. You really couldn't see it was a mask at all.
One of the witches leapt to her feet and unfastened the chains. She opened the two huge
doors. Then I heard her saying, "Why hello, little man. How lovely to see you. You have come for
your chocolate bars, have you not? They are all ready for you. Do come in."
A small boy wearing a white tee-shirt and grey shorts and gymshoes entered the room. I
recognised him at once. He was called Bruno Jenkins and he was staying in the hotel with his parents.
I didn't care for him. He was one of those boys who is always eating something whenever you meet
him. Meet him in the hotel lobby and he is stuffing sponge cake into his mouth. Pass him in the
corridor and he is fishing potato crisps out of a bag by the fistful. Catch sight of him in the hotel
garden and he is wolfing a Dairy Milk Bar and has two more sticking out of his trouser-pocket.
What's more, Bruno never stopped boasting about how his father made more money than my father
and that they owned three cars. But worse than that, yesterday morning I had found him kneeling on
the flagstones of the hotel terrace with a magnifying-glass in his hand. There was a column of ants
marching across one of the flagstones and Bruno Jenkins was focusing the sun through his
magnifying-glass and roasting the ants one by one. "I like watching them burn," he said. "That's
horrible!" I cried. "Stop doing it!" "Let's see you stop me,"he said. At that point I had pushed him
with all my might and he had crashed sideways on to the flagstones. His magnifying-glass had
splintered into many pieces and he had leapt up shrieking, "My father is going to get you for this!"
Then he had run off, presumably to find his wealthy dad. That was the last time I had seen Bruno
Jerkins until now. I doubted very much that he was about to be turned into a mouse, although I must
confess that I was secretly hoping it might happen. Either way, I didn't envy him being up there in
front of all those witches.
"Darling boy," cooed The Grand High Witch from up on the platform. "I have your
chocolates all rrready for you. Do come up here firrrst and say hello to all these lovely ladies." Her
voice was quite different now. It was soft and gentle and absolutely dripping with syrup.
Bruno was looking a bit bewildered, but he allowed himself to be led up on to the platform,
where he stood beside The Grand High Witch and said, "Okay, where are my six bars of chocolate?"
I saw the witch who had let him in quietly putting the chain back on the door-handles. Bruno
didn't notice this. He was too busy asking for his chocolate.
"The time is now vun minute before half-past thrrree!" announced The Grand High Witch.
"What the heck's going on?" Bruno asked. He wasn't frightened, but he wasn't looking exactly
comfortable either. "What is this?" he said. "Gimme my chocolate!"
"Thirty seconds to go!" cried The Grand High Witch, gripping Bruno by the arm. Bruno
shook himself clear and stared at her. She stared back at him, smiling with the lips of her mask. Every
witch in the audience was staring at Bruno.
"Tventy seconds!" cried The Grand High Witch.
"Gimme the chocolate!" shouted Bruno, becoming suddenly suspicious. "Gimme the
chocolate and let me out of here!"
"Fifteen seconds!" cried The Grand High Witch.
"Will one of you crazy punks kindly tell me what all this is about?" shouted Bruno.
"Ten seconds!" cried The Grand High Witch. "Nine... eight... seven... six... five... four...
thrrree... two... vun... zero! Vee have ignition!"
I could have sworn I heard an alarm-clock ringing. I saw Bruno jump. He jumped as though
someone had stuck a hatpin deep into his bottom and he yelled "Ow!" He jumped so high that he
landed on a small table up there on the stage, and he started hopping about on the top of this table,
waving his arms and yelling his head off. Then suddenly he became silent. His whole body stiffened.
"The alarm has gone off!" shrieked The Grand High Witch. "The Mouse-Maker is beginning
to vurrrk!" She started hopping about on the platform and clapping her gloved hands together and
then she shouted out,
"This smelly brrrat, this filthy scum
This horrid little louse
Vill very very soon become
A lovely little MOUSE!"
Bruno was getting smaller by the second. I could see him shrinking...
Now his clothes seemed to be disappearing and brown fur was growing all over his body...
Suddenly he had a tail...
And then he had whiskers...
Now he had four feet...
It was all happening so quickly...
It was a matter of seconds only...
And all at once he wasn't there any more...
A small brown mouse was running around on the table top...
"Bravo!" yelled the audience. "She's done it! It works! It's fantastic! It's colossal! It's the
greatest yet! You are a miracle, O Brainy One!" They were all standing up and clapping and cheering
and The Grand High Witch produced a mouse-trap from the folds of her dress and started to set it.
Oh no! I thought. I don't want to see this! Bruno Jenkins may have been a bit of a stinker but
I'm dashed if I want to watch him having his head chopped off!
"There is he?" snapped The Grand High Witch, searching the platform. "Vhere has that
mouse got to?"
She couldn't find him. Clever Bruno must have jumped down off the table and scampered off
into some corner or even down a small hole. Thank heavens for that.
"It matters not!" shouted The Grand High Witch. "Silence and sit down!"


布鲁诺•詹金斯失踪
女巫大王又说话了。“现在我来向你们证明，”她说，“这配方是十全十美的。你们自然明
白，你们可以随意使闹钟在什么时候响，不一定非九点钟不可。昨天我亲自做了一点这种魔
药，要让你们大家看看。但我把配方作了一点小小的改变。在我烤闹钟之前，我把它校到第
二天下午三点半而不是早晨九点。这就是今天下午三点半。就是说，”她看看她的手表
说，“还有整七分钟的时间！”
女巫们用心听着，意识到有一件戏剧性的事情就要发生了。
“我昨天用这魔药做了什么呢？”女巫大王问道，“我这就来告诉你们我所做的事。我在一
块巧克力上放了一小滴，把巧克力给了在旅馆前厅的一个讨厌的臭男孩。”
女巫大王停了一下。听众静静地等她说下去。
“我看着这讨厌的小鬼把这块软软的巧克力吃下去，吃完后我问他：‘好吃吗？’他说好吃
极了。我又对他说：‘还想吃吗？’他说想，于是我说：‘如果你在明天下午三点二十五分到这
旅馆的舞厅来看我，我再给你六块。六块！’这馋嘴小猪叫起来：‘我一定来！你可以跟我打
赌，我一定来！”
“因此戏就要开场了！”女巫大王叫道，“我马上就可以证明给你们看！别忘了，我昨天烤
闹钟前是校到今天三点半的。那就是现在，”她看看手表，“现在正好是三点二十五分，那应
该变成老鼠的该死的臭小鬼这会儿该站在门外了！”
她说得一点不错。不管那孩子是谁，他已经在拉门把手，用拳头在敲门了。
“快！”女巫大王急叫道，“戴上你们的假发！戴上你们的手套！穿上你们的鞋！”
在一阵忙乱的戴假发和手套以及穿鞋的声音之中，我看见女巫大王本人伸手拿起面具戴
到她那叫人恶心的脸上。真惊人，面具一下子使她变了样。她一下子又变成一个十分漂亮的
娇滴滴的小姐。
“让我进去！”门外传来那男孩的叫声，“你答应我的巧克力在哪里？我来拿了！把它们给
我！”
“他不但臭，而且馋。”女巫大王说，“拿掉门上的铁链放他进来。”要说她那面具的特别
之处，是她说话时嘴唇动得很自然，根本看不出是个面具。
一个女巫跳起来去摘掉铁链。她打开两扇门。接着我听见她说：“你好，小朋友。看见你
真高兴。你是来拿巧克力的吧？给你预备好了。进来吧。”
一个穿白T恤、灰短裤、运动鞋的小男孩走进房间。我一眼就认出了他。他叫布鲁诺•詹
金斯，和父母一起住在旅馆里。他这个人我可不在乎。他这种孩子，不管什么时候看到他，
他总在那里吃东西。在旅馆前厅里见到他，他正往嘴里塞蛋糕。在走廊里碰到他，他正从袋
子里大把抓土豆片。在旅馆花园里看到他，他正在大嚼一条牛奶巧克力，裤袋里还露出了两
条。而且布鲁诺没完没了地夸耀他爸爸赚钱比我爸爸多，他们有三辆小汽车。更叫人生气的
是，昨天早晨我发现他手里拿着一个放大镜跪在旅馆平台的石板上。有一行蚂蚁爬过石板，
布鲁诺•詹金斯正用放大镜把太阳光聚起来，要将蚂蚁一只一只烧死。“我爱看着它们被烧
死。”他说。“那太残忍了！”我叫道，“别这样做！”“我倒是要看看你怎么阻止我！”他说。我
一下子使出全身力气去把他推开。他侧身倒在石板上，放大镜跌碎了。他跳起来大叫：“我爸
爸要找你算账的！”接着他跑了，大概是去找他的阔佬爸爸。这以后我就没有见过他。我十分
怀疑他真的这就要变成一只老鼠，虽然我必须坦白承认，我暗暗希望这事情会发生。反正他
来到这些女巫面前，我一点儿也不羡慕。
“小宝贝，”女巫大王从讲坛上哄他说，“我已经给你预备好巧克力了。先过来对所有这些
可爱的太太小姐们问声好吧。”她的声音现在完全变了样，又温柔又甜蜜，像滴着糖浆一样。
布鲁诺看上去有点傻了，但他让人牵到讲坛上去，站在女巫大王身边，说：“好了，我的
六块巧克力呢？”
我看见把他带上讲坛的女巫回到门边，轻轻地用铁链把门把手重新拴好。布鲁诺没有注
意到这件事，他只顾着讨他的巧克力。
“现在的时间是差一分三点半！”女巫大王宣布。
“这是怎么回事？”布鲁诺问道，他并不害怕，但也不能说舒服。“到底是怎么回事？”他
说，“把巧克力给我！”
“还有三十秒！”女巫大王抓住布鲁诺的胳臂。布鲁诺挣脱了，看着她。她用她面具上的
嘴唇微笑着，两眼盯着他。每个女巫都盯着布鲁诺看。
“二十秒！”女巫大王叫道。
“给我巧克力！”布鲁诺也叫，他突然怀疑起来，“给我巧克力，放我出去！”
“十五秒！”女巫大王叫道。
“你们这些疯女人，请哪一位告诉我好不好，这到底是怎么回事？”布鲁诺叫道。
“十秒！”女巫大王叫道，“九—八—七—六—五—四—三—二—一—零！”
我可以发誓我听到了闹钟的响声。我看见布鲁诺跳起来，就像谁用帽针在他的屁股上刺
了一下。他大叫一声：“噢！”他跳得那么高，然后落到了讲坛上的一张小桌子上。他在桌子
上手舞足蹈，哇哇大叫。接着他忽然一声不响，全身僵住不动了。
“闹钟已经响过！”女巫大王尖叫，“变鼠药开始起作用了！”她在讲坛上开始蹦蹦跳，拍
着戴手套的手，接着叫道：
这个臭小鬼，这个脏东西，
这个讨厌的小虱子，
马上变啊变，
变成一只可爱的小耗子！
就在这一秒钟，布鲁诺越变越小。我看到他一直小下去……
现在他的衣服好像不见了，浑身开始长满棕色的毛……
忽然他有了一条尾巴……
接着长出了胡子……
现在他有了四条腿……
一切变化得那么快……
总共只有几秒钟……
一下子，他这个人再也没有了……
桌子上是一只棕色的小老鼠在跑来跑去……
“棒极了！”听众大叫，“她成功了！变成了！真奇妙！真了不起！伟大之至！你是个奇
迹，噢，足智多谋的大王！”她们全都站起来鼓掌欢呼。女巫大王从她的衣服兜里拿出一个老
鼠夹，动手布置它。
噢，不！我想。我不愿看到这个！布鲁诺•詹金斯也许是坏了点儿，但如果我竟想看到他
被杀头，那我真是该死了！
“他在哪里？”女巫大王厉声说着在讲坛上找，“那老鼠跑到哪里去了？”
她找不到它。聪明的布鲁诺一定已经跳下桌子，溜到了哪一个角落，甚至钻进了小洞。
为了这个，真要谢谢老天爷。
“没关系！”女巫大王叫道，“大家肃静，坐下！”
The Ancient Ones 老女巫们
The Ancient Ones
The Grand High Witch stood on the very centre of the platform, and those dangerous eyes of
hers travelled slowly around the audience of witches who were sitting so meekly before her. "All
those over seventy put up your hands!" she barked suddenly.
Seven or eight hands went up in the air.
"It comes to me", said The Grand High Witch, "that you ancient vuns vill not be able to climb
high trrrees in search of grrruntles' eggs."
"We won't, Your Grandness! We are afraid we won't!" chanted the ancient ones.
"Nor vill you be able to catch the crrrabcrrruncher, who lives high up on rrrocky cliffs," The
Grand High Witch went on. "I can't exactly see you sprrrinting after the speedy catsprrringer either,
or diving into deep vorters to spear the blabbersnitch, or striding the bleak moors vith a gun under
your arm to shoot the grrrobblesqvirt. You are too old and feeble for those things."
"We are," chanted the ancient ones. "We are! We are!"
"You ancient vuns have served me vell over many years," said The Grand High Witch, "and I
do not vish to deny you the pleasure of bumping off a few thousand children each just because you
have become old and feeble. I have therefore prepared personally vith my own hands a limited
quantity of Delayed Action Mouse-Maker which I will distrrribute to the ancient vuns before you
leave the hotel."
"Oh, thank you, thank you!" cried the old witches. "You are far too good to us, Your
Grandness! You are so kind and thoughtful!"
"Here is a sample of vot I am giving you," shouted The Grand High Witch. She fished around
in a pocket of her dress and brought out a very small bottle. She held it up and shouted, "In this tiny
bottle is five hundred doses of Mouse-Maker! Is enough to turrrn five hundred children into mice!" I
could see that the bottle was made of dark-blue glass and that it was very small, about the same size
as the ones you can buy at the chemist with nose-drops in them. "Each of you ancient vuns vill get
two of these bottles!" she shouted.
"Thank you, thank you, O Most Generous and Thoughtful One!" chorused the ancient
witches. "Not one drop will be wasted! Each of us will promise to squish and squallop and squiggle
one thousand children!"
"Our meeting is over!" announced The Grand High Witch. "Here is the time-table for the
rrreemainder of your stay in this hotel.
"Rrright now, vee must all go out on to the Sunshine Terrace and have tea vith that
rrridiculous Manager.
"Next, at six o'clock tonight, those vitches who are too old to climb trees after grrruntles' eggs
vill rrree-port to my rrroom to rrree-ceive two bottles each of Mouse-Maker. My rrroom number is
454. Do not forget it.
"Then, at eight o'clock, all of you vill assemble in the Dining-Rrroom for supper. Vee are the
lovely ladies of the RSPCC and they are setting up two long tables specially for us. But do not forget
to put the cotton plugs up your noses. That Dining-Rrroom vill be full of filthy little children and
vithout the nose- plugs the stink vill be unbearrrable. Apart from that, rrree- member to behave
normally at all times. Is everything clear? Any questions?"
"I have one question, Your Grandness," said a voice in the audience. "What happens if one of
the chocolates we are giving away in our shops gets eaten by a grown-up?"
"That's just too bad for the grrrown-up," said The Grand High Witch. "This meeting is over!"
she shouted. "Out you go!"
The witches stood up and began gathering their things together. I was watching them through
the crack and hoping to heaven they would hurry up and leave so that I might be safe at last.
"Wait!" shrieked one of the witches in the back row. "Hold everything!" Her shrieking voice
echoed through the Ballroom, like a trumpet. All the witches suddenly stopped and turned and looked
towards the speaker. She was one of the taller witches and I could see her standing there with her
head tilted back and her nose in the air and she was sucking in great long breaths of air through those
curvy pink sea-shelly nostrils of hers.
"Wait!" she shouted again.
"What is it?" the others cried out.
"Dogs' droppings!" she yelled. "Just then I got a whiff of dogs' droppings!"
"Surely not!" the others shouted. "There couldn't be!"
"Yes yes!" shouted the first witch. "There it is again! It's not strong! But it's there! I mean it's
here! It's definitely somewhere not too far away!"
"Vot's going on down there?" shouted The Grand High Witch, glaring down from the
platform.
"Mildred's just got a whiff of dogs' droppings, Your Grandness!" someone called back to her.
"Vot rrrubbish is this?" shouted The Grand High Witch. "She has dogs' drrroppings on the
brain! There are no children in this rrroom!"
"Hang on!" cried the witch called Mildred. "Hang on everybody! Don't move! I'm getting it
again!" Her huge curvy nose-holes were waving in and out like a pair of fish-tails. "It's getting
stronger! It's hitting me harder now! Can't the rest of you smell it?"
All the noses of all the witches in that room went up in the air, and all the nostrils began to
suck and sniff.
"She's right!" cried another voice. "She's absolutely right! Dogs' droppings it is, strong and
foul!"
In a matter of seconds, the entire assembly of witches had taken up the dreaded cry of dogs'
droppings. "Dogs' droppings!" they shouted. "The room is full of it! Poo! Poo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ooo!
Why did we not smell it before? It stinks like a sewer! Some little swine must be hiding not so very
far away from here!"
"Find it!" screamed The Grand High Witch. "Trrrack it down! Rrrootle it out! Follow your
noses till you get it!"
The hairs on my head were standing up like the bristles of a nailbrush and a cold sweat was
breaking out all over me.
"Rrrootle it out, this small lump of dung!" screeched The Grand High Witch. "Don't let it
escape! If it is in here it has observed the most secret things! It must be exterrrminated immediately!"

老女巫们
女巫大王站在讲坛正中央，那双危险的眼睛慢慢地巡视乖乖地坐在她面前的女巫们。“所
有七十岁以上的举手！”她忽然大叫一声。
七八只手举了起来。
“我想到，”女巫大王说，“你们太老了，爬不上高树去弄猪嘴鸟的蛋。”
“我们爬不上去，大王！恐怕爬不上去了！”老女巫们说道。
“你们也捉不到住在高高的山崖上的蟹脚鸟，”女巫大王说下去，“我看你们也追不上飞快
的猫跳兽，也无法潜到深水里去抓多嘴鱼，或者带着枪跋涉过荒野去打喷气兽。做这种事你
们太衰老了。”
“我们太衰老了，”老女巫们重复说，“我们太衰老了！我们太衰老了！”
“你们这些老人家为我工作了多年，”女巫大王说，“我不想使你们只是因为衰老，就失去
消灭几千个孩子的乐趣。因此我亲手准备了一定数量的‘慢性变鼠药’，在你们离开旅馆前分发
给你们。”
“噢，谢谢你，谢谢你！”老女巫们叫道，“你对我们实在太好了，大王！你太仁慈，太关
心我们了！”
“这是一个样品，我将要给你们的就是这种药。”女巫大王叫着，从一个衣袋里掏出一个
小瓶子。她举起它叫道：“在这个小瓶子里有五百剂变鼠药！可以把五百个小孩子变成老
鼠！”我看到，那是个深蓝色的玻璃瓶，很小，和从药房买回来的眼药水瓶一样大。“你们老
女巫一人可以拿到两瓶！”她叫道。
“谢谢你，谢谢你，噢，最仁慈最关心我们的大王！”老女巫们同声说，“我们一滴也不会
浪费！我们保证每个人消灭一千个孩子！”
女巫大王宣布：“会议到此结束！这是你们在这个旅馆逗留的时间表。
“现在我们必须全体都到阳光园去同那个可笑的经理共进茶点。
“然后在今晚六点，老得不能爬树弄猪嘴鸟蛋的女巫到我的房间来，各领取两瓶变鼠药。
我的房间号码是454。不要忘记了。
“然后在八点，你们全体都到餐厅集合，共进晚餐。我们是‘防止虐待儿童王家协会’可敬
的太太小姐。他们将专门为我们摆两排长桌。但不要忘记在你们的鼻子里塞进棉花。那餐厅
里将挤满肮脏的小孩，不塞鼻子，那臭气将叫你们受不了。除此以外，记住要时刻举止正
常。听清楚了吗？有问题没有？”
“我有一个问题，大王。”听众中有一个声音说，“我们糖果店的巧克力万一被大人吃了会
怎么样？”
“那大人是活该倒霉。”女巫大王说，“会议已经结束！”她叫道，“你们出去吧！”
女巫们站起来开始收拾东西。我通过夹缝看着她们，求上帝保佑她们快点走，我好终于
平安无事。
“等一等！”后排一个女巫猛地叫起来，“别动！”她的叫声像喇叭声一样响彻舞厅。所有
的女巫一下子停下来，回头看着说话的那个女巫。她比较高，我可以看到她站在那里，头向
后倾，鼻子仰起，用她那粉红色的、呈贝壳形的鼻孔长长地吸着气。
“等一等！”她又叫道。
“什么事？”其他女巫大声问她。
“狗屎！”她叫道，“刚才我闻到了狗屎气味！”
“不可能！”其他女巫叫道，“绝对不可能！”
“是的是的！”那个女巫又叫，“又来了！不太厉害，不过是狗屎气味！我说的是这里！肯
定不太远！”
“下面怎么啦？”女巫大王从讲坛上向下看着叫道。
“米尔德丽德闻到了狗屎气味，大王！”有人回答她。
“胡说八道什么？”女巫大王叫道，“是她的脑子里有狗屎！这房间里没有孩子！”
“别动！”名叫米尔德丽德的女巫叫道，“大家别动！我又闻到了！”她的两个弯曲的大鼻
孔像一对鱼尾巴那样来回摆动着，“更强烈了。闻得更清楚了！你们闻不到吗？”
房间里所有女巫的鼻子都抬起来，所有的鼻孔开始闻了又闻。
“她没说错！”另一个声音说，“她一点儿也没说错！是狗屎，臭得厉害！”
几秒钟工夫，全体女巫都可怕地大叫狗屎。“狗屎！”她们叫道，“房间里满是狗屎气味！
呸！呸——！为什么我们先前没闻到呢？它臭得像阴沟！不远处一定躲着只臭小猪！”
“找到他！”女巫大王叫道，“找出来！把他挖出来！跟着你们的鼻子走，直到找到他为
止！”
我的头发都像指甲刷子的硬毛那样直竖起来，浑身冒冷汗。
“把这堆狗屎找出来！”女巫大王尖叫，“不要让他逃走了！如果他就在这里，他已经偷听
到了最秘密的东西！必须马上除掉他！”
Metamorphosis 变形
Metamorphosis
I remember thinking to myself, There is no escape for me now! Even if I make a run for it andmanage to dodge the lot of them, I still won't get out because the doors are chained and locked! I'mfinished! I'm done for! Oh Grandmamma, what are they going to do to me?
I looked round and I saw a hideous painted and powdered witch's face staring down at me,and the face opened its mouth and yelled triumphantly, "It's here! It's behind the screen! Come andget it!" The witch reached out a gloved hand and grabbed me by the hair but I twisted free andjumped away. I ran, oh how I ran! The sheer terror of it all put wings on my feet! I flew around theoutside of the great Ballroom and not one of them had a chance of catching me. As I came level withthe doors, I paused and tried to open them but the big chain was on them and they didn't even rattle.
The witches were not bothering to chase me. They simply stood there in small groups,watching me and knowing for certain that there was no way I could escape. Several of them wereholding their noses with gloved fingers and there were cries of, "Poo! What a stink! We can't standthis much longer!"
"Catch it then, you idiots!" screamed The Grand High Witch from up on the platform.
"Sprrread out in a line across the room and close in on it and grab it! Corner this filthy littlegumboil and seize it and bring it up here to me!"The witches spread out as they were told. They advanced towards me, some from one end,some from the other, and some came down the middle between the rows of empty chairs. They werebound to get me now. They had me cornered.
From sheer and absolute terror, I began to scream. "Help!" I screamed, turning my headtowards the doors in the hope that somebody outside might hear me. "Help! Help! Hel-l-l-lp!""Get it!" shouted The Grand High Witch. "Grrrab hold of it! Stop it yelling!"They rushed at me then, and about five of them grabbed me by the arms and legs and liftedme clear off the ground. I went on screaming, but one of them clapped a gloved hand over my mouthand that stopped me.
"Baring it here!" shouted The Grand High Witch. "Brrring the spying little vurm up here tome!"
I was carried on to the platform with my arms and legs held tight by many hands, and I laythere suspended in the air, facing the ceiling. I saw The Grand High Witch standing over me,grinning at me in the most horrible way. She held up the small blue bottle of Mouse-Maker and shesaid "Now for a little medicine! Hold his nose to make him open his mouth!"Strong fingers pinched my nose. I kept my mouth closed tight and held my breath. But Icouldn't do it for long. My chest was bursting. I opened my mouth to get one big quick breath of airand as I did so, The Grand High Witch poured the entire contents of the little bottle down my throat!
Oh, the pain and the fire! It felt as though a kettleful of boiling water had been poured into mymouth. My throat was going up in flames! Then very quickly the frightful burning searing scorchingfeeling started spreading down into my chest and into my tummy and on and on into my arms andlegs and all over my body! I screamed and screamed but once again the gloved hand was clappedover my lips. The next thing I felt was my skin beginning to tighten. How else can I describe it? Itwas quite literally a tightening and a shrinking of the skin all over my body from the top of my headto the tips of my fingers to the ends of my toes! I felt as though I was a balloon and somebody wastwisting the top of the balloon and twisting and twisting and the balloon was getting smaller andsmaller and the skin was getting tighter and tighter and soon it was going to burst.
Then the squeezing began. This time I was inside a suit of iron and somebody was turning ascrew, and with each turn of the screw the iron suit became smaller and smaller so that I wassqueezed like an orange into a pulpy mess with the juice running out of my sides.
After that there came a fierce prickling sensation all over my skin (or what was left of myskin) as though tiny needles were forcing their way out through the surface of the skin from theinside, and this, I realise now, was the growing of the mouse-fur.
Far away in the distance, I heard the voice of The Grand High Witch yelling, "Five hundreddoses! This stinking little carbuncle has had five hundred doses and the alarm-clock has beensmashed and now vee are having instantaneous action!" I heard clapping and cheering and Iremember thinking: I am not myself any longer! I have gone clear out of my own skin!
I noticed that the floor was only an inch from my nose.
I noticed also a pair of little furry front paws resting on the floor. I was able to move thosepaws. They were mine!
At that moment, I realised that I was not a little boy any longer. I was A MOUSE.
"Now for the mouse-trrrap!" I heard The Grand High Witch yelling. "I've got it right here!
And here's a piece of cheese!"
But I wasn't going to wait for that. I was off across the platform like a streak of lightning! Iwas astonished at my own speed! I leapt over witches' feet right and left, and in no time at all I wasdown the steps and on to the floor of the Ballroom itself and skittering off among the rows of chairs.
What I especially liked was the fact that I made no sound at all as I ran. I was a swift and silentmover. And quite amazingly, the pain had all gone now. I was feeling quite remarkably well. It is nota bad thing after all, I thought to myself, to be tiny as well as speedy when there is a bunch ofdangerous females after your blood. I selected the back leg of a chair and squeezed up against it andkept very still.
In the distance, The Grand High Witch was shouting, "Leave the little stinkpot alone! It is notvurth bothering about! It is only a mouse now! Somebody else vill soon catch it! Let us get out ofhere! The meeting is over! Unlock the doors and shove off to the Sunshine Terrace to have tea viththat idiotic Manager!"


变形
我记得我当时想：现在我逃不掉了！即使我能够摆脱掉她们跑过去，但我还是出不去，因为门用铁链拴上了！我完啦！我没命了！噢，姥姥，她们要把我怎么样啊？
我环顾四周，看见一个女巫画得很丑、涂满了粉的脸低下来看着我，脸上的那张嘴张开来，得意地大喊：“他在这里！在屏风后面！快来捉他！”这女巫伸出一只戴着手套的手，一把抓住我的头发，但我挣脱后逃走了。我跑，噢，我是怎样跑的啊！对这一切的恐惧使我的脚添上了翅膀！我绕着舞厅外圈跑，没有人能捉住我。跑到门边时我停了一下，想要打开它，可是上面拴着铁链，它动也不动。
女巫们不急于追我，只是三三两两地站在一起看着我，心里很清楚我是逃不掉的。有几个女巫用戴着手套的手捂住鼻子，还有人叫：“呸！多臭！我们再也受不住了！”
“那么捉住他，你们这些白痴！”女巫大王在讲坛上向下叫着，“在整个房间里排成一行，向他靠近，抓住他！把这个肮脏的小脓包逼到角落里，把他抓住带到我这里来！”
女巫们照她的吩咐一字排开。她们有人从这头，有人从那头，有人从一排排空椅子之间向我逼近。她们现在准要捉住我了。她们把我逼到了墙角。
我吓得转过头冲着门大叫救命，希望外面有人能够听到。“救命啊！救命啊！救—命啊！”
“捉住他！”女巫大王叫道，“抓住他！别让他叫！”
她们向我猛扑过来，约有五个女巫抓住我的胳臂和腿，把我提起来离开地面。我继续大喊大叫，但其中一个女巫用一只戴着手套的手掩住我的嘴，使我叫不出来。
“把他带到这里来！”女巫大王叫道，“把这偷听的小虫子带到我这里！”
我被许多只手抓住胳臂和腿，带到了讲坛那里，悬空横躺着，面对天花板。我看到女巫大王站在那里低头看着我，用最可怕的样子对我狞笑。她拿着那装着变鼠药的蓝色小瓶，说：“现在给他吃点药！捏他的鼻子让他把嘴张开！”
有力的手指捏住了我的鼻子。我紧闭着嘴，屏住了气。但我挺不了很久。我的胸口在爆裂，我张开嘴要赶紧大大地吸一口气。可就在我这样做的时候，女巫大王把整瓶药水倒进了我的喉咙！
噢，像给火烧一样痛苦！像整整一壶开水倒进了我的嘴里。我的喉咙像火在烧！接着火烧的可怕感觉很快地扩展到我的胸口、我的肚子、我的双臂和双腿，一直扩展到我全身！我叫了又叫，但那只戴着手套的手又一次掩住我的嘴。接下来我感到我的皮肤开始收缩。我还有什么别的办法描述呢？从头顶到手指尖和脚趾尖，一点不假我全身的皮肤都在收缩！我觉得我像个气球，有人在绞气球的顶部，绞了又绞，气球越来越小，越来越小。我的皮肤越收越紧，越收越紧，快要爆炸了。
然后便开始压榨。这一回我像是在一个铁质的压榨机里，有人在转螺丝，每转一下，压榨机就紧缩一些。我像一个橙子在榨汁器里被榨汁，汁水从我全身每个毛孔流了出来。
接下来是全身皮肤（或者说原来是皮肤的地方）有一种火辣辣的刺痛感觉，像是针从里面硬要钻到皮肤表面上来。我现在明白了，这是老鼠毛在长出来。
我听到女巫大王的声音在很远的地方叫道：“五百剂量！这小臭痈吃了五百剂药的量，闹钟被破坏了，现在是即变！”我听到了拍手和欢呼声。我记得当时我想：我再不是我自己了！
我已经完全蜕了皮啦！
我注意到地板离我的鼻子只有一英寸。我还注意到一双毛茸茸的小前爪停在地板上。我能够移动这些爪子。它们是我的！
这时候我明白，我已经不再是个孩子了。我是一只老鼠。
“现在把老鼠夹拿出来！”我听见女巫大王叫道，“我身上带着呢！这儿有一片干酪！”
但是我不再静等这些东西。我像一道闪电那样冲过讲坛！我对我的速度感到吃惊！我左转右转跳过女巫们的脚，一下子跑下台阶来到舞厅的地板上，在一排排椅子间飞快地跑过。
特别使我高兴的是，我跑起来一点声音也没有。我跑得快而无声。完全想不到的是，现在我一点也不痛了。我觉得非常之好。我心里说，当有一大群危险的女巫在紧追的时候，个子小跑得快到底还不太坏。我找了一把椅子的后椅腿，紧贴着它一动也不动。
远处，女巫大王在叫：“让那小尿壶去吧！不值得为他操心！现在他只是只老鼠罢了！会有人捉住他的！让我们离开这里！会议已经结束了！打开门，到阳光园跟那个白痴经理吃茶点去！”
Bruno 布鲁诺
Bruno
I peeped round the leg of the chair and watched the hundreds of witches' feet walking outthrough the doors of the Ballroom. When they had all gone and the place was absolutely silent, Ibegan to move cautiously about on the floor. Suddenly I remembered Bruno. He must surely bearound here somewhere, too. "Bruno!" I called out.
I wasn't seriously expecting that I would be able to speak at all now that I had become amouse, so I got the shock of my life when I heard my own voice, my own perfectly normal ratherloud voice, coming out of my tiny mouth.
It was wonderful. I was thrilled. I tried it again. "Bruno Jenkins, where are you?" I called out.
"If you can hear me, give a shout!"
My voice was exactly the same and just as loud as it had been when I was a boy. "Hey there,Bruno Jenkins! " I called. "Where are you?"
There was no answer.
I pottered about between the seat-legs trying to get used to being so close to the ground. Idecided I rather liked it. You are probably wondering why I wasn't depressed at all. I found myselfthinking, What's so wonderful about being a little boy anyway? Why is that necessarily any betterthan being a mouse? I know that mice get hunted and they sometimes get poisoned or caught in traps.
But little boys sometimes get killed, too. Little boys can be run over by motor-cars or they can die ofsome awful illness. Little boys have to go to school. Mice don't. Mice don't have to pass exams. Micedon't have to worry about money. Mice, as far as I can see, have only two enemies, humans and cats.
My grandmother is a human, but I know for certain that she will always love me whoever I am. Andshe never, thank goodness, keeps a cat. When mice grow up, they don't ever have to go to war andfight against other mice. Mice, I felt pretty certain, all like each other. People don't.
Yes, I told myself, I don't think it is at all a bad thing to be a mouse.
I was wandering around the Ballroom floor thinking about all this when I spotted anothermouse. It was crouching on the floor holding a piece of bread in its front paws and nibbling away at itwith great gusto.
It had to be Bruno. "Hello, Bruno," I said.
He glanced up at me for about two seconds, then went right on guzzling.
"What have you found?" I asked him.
"One of them dropped it," he answered. "It's a fish-paste sandwich. Pretty good."He too spoke with a perfectly normal voice. One would have expected that a mouse (if it wasgoing to talk at all) would do so with the smallest and squeakiest voice you could imagine. It wasterrifically funny to hear the voice of the rather loud-mouthed Bruno coming out of that tiny mouse'sthroat.
"Listen, Bruno," I said. "Now that we are both mice, I think we ought to start thinking a bitabout the future."
He stopped eating and stared at me with small black eyes. "What do you mean we?" he said.
"The fact that you're a mouse has nothing to do with me.""But you're a mouse, too, Bruno."
"Don't be a fool," he said. "I'm not a mouse.""I'm afraid you are, Bruno."
"I most certainly am not!" he shouted. "Why are you insulting me? I haven't been rude to you!
Why do you call me a mouse?"
"Don't you know what's happened to you?" I said.
"What on earth are you talking about?" Bruno said.
"I have to inform you", I said, "that not very long ago the witches turned you into a mouse.
Then they did it to me."
"You're lying!" he cried. "I'm not a mouse!"
"If you hadn't been so busy guzzling that sandwich," I said, "you would have noticed yourhairy paws. Take a look at them."
Bruno looked down at his paws. He jumped. "Good grief!" he cried. "I am a mouse! You waittill my father hears about this!"
"He may think it's an improvement," I said.
"I don't want to be a mouse!" Bruno shouted, jumping up and down. "I refuse to be a mouse!
I'm Bruno Jenkins!"
"There are worse things than being a mouse," I said. "You can live in a hole.""I don't want to live in a hole!" Bruno shouted.
"And you can creep into the larder at night," I said, "and nibble through all the packets ofraisins and cornflakes and chocolate biscuits and everything else you can find. You can stay there allnight eating yourself silly. That's what mice do.""Now that's a thought," Bruno said, perking up a bit. "But how am I going to open the door ofthe fridge to get at the cold chicken and all the leftovers? That's something I do every evening athome."
"Maybe your rich father will get you a special little mouse-fridge all to yourself," I said. "Onethat you can open."
"You say a witch did this to me?" Bruno said. "Which witch?""The one who gave you the chocolate bar in the hotel lobby yesterday," I told him. "Don't youremember?"
"The filthy old cow!" he shouted. 'I'll get her for this! Where is she? Who is she?""Forget it," I said. "You don't have a hope. Your biggest problem at the moment is yourparents. How are they going to take this? Will they treat you with sympathy and kindness?"Bruno considered this for a moment. "I think", he said, "that my father is going to be a bit putout."
"And your mother?"
"She's terrified of mice," Bruno said.
"Then you've got a problem, haven't you?"
"Why only me?" he said. "What about you?"
"My grandmother will understand perfectly," I said."She knows all about witches."Bruno took another bite of his sandwich. "What do you suggest?" he said.
"I suggest we both go first of all and consult my grandmother," I said. "She'll know exactlywhat to do."
I moved towards the doors which were standing open. Bruno, still grasping part of thesandwich in one paw, followed after me.
"When we get out into the corridor," I said, "we're going to run like mad. Stick close to thewall all the way and follow me. Do not talk and do not let anyone see you. Don't forget that just aboutanyone who catches sight of you will try to kill you."I snatched the sandwich out of his paw and threw it away. "Here goes," I said. "Keep behindme."


布鲁诺
我从椅子腿后面往外偷看，看到几百只女巫的脚走出舞厅门。她们走光以后，这里异常安静。我开始小心翼翼地在地板上走。我忽然想起了布鲁诺。他一定也在这儿什么地方。“布鲁诺！”我叫出声来。
我已经变成老鼠了，我并不怎么指望这会儿我还能说话。因此，当我听到我的小嘴发出我自己的声音，而且是完全正常、十分响亮的声音时，我不由得大吃一惊。
太好了。我快活无比。我又试了一次。“布鲁诺•詹金斯，你在哪里？”我叫道，“如果你能听到我的话，叫一声吧！”
我的声音完全和原来一样，和我还是个男孩的时候一样响。“喂，布鲁诺•詹金斯！”我叫道，“你在哪里呀？”
没有回答。
我在椅背之间闲逛，想习惯习惯离地那么近的状态。我倒很喜欢这样子。你们可能奇怪我为什么一点也不感到难过。我确实是这么想的。做一个小孩又有什么好？真比做一只老鼠更好吗？我知道，老鼠会被追捕，有时会被毒死或者落入老鼠夹。但小孩有时候也同样会被杀死。小孩会被汽车轧死，会病死。小孩要上学。老鼠不用上学。老鼠不用通过考试。老鼠不用担心钱的问题。据我所知，老鼠只有两种敌人：人和猫。我姥姥虽然是个人，但我毫不怀疑，不管我是什么她都永远爱我。而且，谢谢天，她不养猫。等到老鼠长大，它们不用去打仗，不用去打别的老鼠。我十分肯定地认为，老鼠之间彼此相爱。人却不是这样。
是的，我对自己说，我不认为做老鼠是件坏事。
我正在舞厅地板上边想着这些事情边走的时候，看到了另一只老鼠。它正蹲在地板上，用两只前爪抱着一块面包，大口大口地在啃着吃。
这只能是布鲁诺。“你好，布鲁诺。”我说。
他抬头看了我两眼，接着只顾埋头啃他的面包。
“你找到什么了？”我问他。
“它们当中的一个把它掉了，”他答道，“是鱼酱三明治，味道好极了。”
他也用完全正常的声音说话。你也许会以为，老鼠万一能说话，说话声应该极小，像是吱吱叫，这个你能想象得到。但从小老鼠的喉咙里发出布鲁诺的大嗓门，你听着就不免感到极其滑稽了。
“听我说，布鲁诺，”我说，“现在我们两个都是老鼠了，我想我们应该动动脑子，想想将来。”
他停下来不吃了，用两只小黑眼睛看着我。“我们，你这是什么意思？”他说，“你是老鼠和我毫不相干。”
“但你也是老鼠啊，布鲁诺。”
“别说傻话了。”他说，“我不是老鼠。”
“恐怕你是的，布鲁诺。”
“我当然不是！”他叫道，“你为什么污辱我？我又没有得罪你！你为什么说我是老鼠？”
“你不知道你出了什么事吗？”我说。
“你在说些什么呀？”布鲁诺说。
“我得告诉你，”我说，“不久以前，女巫把你变成了老鼠。接着她们把我也变成了老鼠。”
“你撒谎！”他叫道，“我不是老鼠！”
“如果你不是只顾忙着啃那三明治，”我说，“你就能看到你毛茸茸的爪子了。看看它们吧。”
布鲁诺低下头去看他的爪子。他跳了起来。“糟糕！”他叫道，“我是只老鼠！我爸爸会怎么说啊！”
“他会以为这是一个长进。”我说。
“我不要做老鼠！”布鲁诺蹦跳着叫道，“我不答应做老鼠！我是布鲁诺•詹金斯！”
“还有比做老鼠更糟的，”我说，“你可以住在洞里了。”
“我不要住在洞里！”布鲁诺叫道。
“你夜里可以爬进食品室，”我说，“吃所有的那些装在袋子里的葡萄干、玉米花、巧克力饼干和一切你能找到的东西。你可以待在那里痛痛快快地吃个通宵。老鼠就是这么干的。”
“对，这主意倒不坏。”布鲁诺稍微高兴了一些，说，“但我怎么打开冰箱门去吃冷鸡肉和所有的剩菜呢？在家里我每天晚上都是这样干的。”
“也许你的阔爸爸会给你弄个特制的老鼠冰箱，”我说，“你可以自己打开它的门。”
“你是说女巫把我变成老鼠了？”布鲁诺说，“哪个女巫？”
“就是昨天在旅馆前厅里给你吃巧克力的那个。”我告诉他，“你不记得吗？”
“那肮脏的老母牛！”他叫道，“我要找她报仇！她在哪里？她是谁？”
“算了吧，”我说，“你没有希望了。现在你最大的问题是你的爸爸妈妈。他们会怎样对待这件事呢？他们会同情你，待你好吗？”
布鲁诺想了一阵。“我想，”他说，“我爸爸会有点不高兴。”
“你妈妈呢？”
“她最怕老鼠。”布鲁诺说。
“那你就有问题了，对吗？”
“为什么只是我有问题？”他说，“你呢？”
“我姥姥全明白。”我说，“女巫的事她全知道。”
布鲁诺又啃了一口三明治。“你看该怎么办？”他说。
“我的意见是，我们两个先去跟我姥姥商量一下，”我说，“她完全知道该怎么办。”
我向开着的门走去。布鲁诺又抓住一点三明治，跟着我走。
“到了外面的走廊里，”我说，“我们就拼命跑。一路上紧挨着墙，跟着我。不要说话，不要让任何人看见你。别忘了，只要让人看见，他就会打死你。”
我抢过他爪子里的三明治扔掉。“好了，”我说，“紧跟着我。”
Hello Grandmamma 你好，姥姥
Hello Grandmamma
As soon as I was out of the Ballroom, I took off like a flash. I streaked down the corridor,went through the Lounge and the Reading-Room and the Library and the Drawing-Room and cameto the stairs. Up the stairs I went, jumping quite easily from one to the other, keeping well in againstthe wall all the time. "Are you with me, Bruno?" I whispered.
"Right here," he said.
My grandmother's room and my own were on the fifth floor. It was quite a climb, but wemade it without meeting a single person on the way because everyone was using the lift. On the fifthfloor, I raced along the corridor to the door of my grandmother's room. A pair of her shoes wasstanding outside the door to be cleaned. Bruno was alongside me. "What do we do now?" he said.
Suddenly, I caught sight of a chambermaid coming along the corridor towards us. I saw atonce that she was the one who had reported me to the manager for keeping white mice. Not,therefore, the sort of person I wanted to meet in my present condition. "Quick!" I said to Bruno.
"Hide in one of those shoes!" I hopped into one shoe and Bruno hopped into the other. I waited forthe maid to walk past us. She didn't. When she came to the shoes, she bent down and picked them up.
In doing this, she put her hand right inside the one I was hiding in. When one of her fingers touchedme, I bit it. It was a sillY thing to do but I did it instinctively, without thinking. The maid let out ascream that must have been heard by ships far out in the English Channel, and she dropped the shoesand ran like the wind down the corridor.
My grandmother's door opened. "What on earth is going on out here?" she said. I dartedbetween her legs into her room and Bruno followed me.
"Close the door, Grandmamma!" I cried. "Please hurry!"???????????????????She looked around andsaw two small brown mice on the carpet.
"Please close it," I said, and this time she actually saw me talking and recognised my voice.
She froze and became absolutely motionless. Every part of her body, her fingers and hands and armsand head became suddenly as stiff as a marble statue. Her face turned even paler than marble and hereyes were stretched so wide I could see the whites all around them. Then she started to tremble. Ithought she was going to faint and fall over.
"Please close the door quickly, Grandmamma," I said. "That awful maid might come in."She somehow managed to gather herself together enough to close the door. She leaned againstit, staring down at me white-faced and shaking all over. I saw tears beginning to come out of her eyesand go dribbling down her cheeks.
"Don't cry, Grandmamma," I said. "Things could be a lot worse. I did get away from them.
I'm still alive. So is Bruno."
Very slowly, she bent down and picked me up with one hand. Then she picked Bruno up withthe other hand and put us both on the table. There was a bowl of bananas in the centre of the tableand Bruno jumped straight into it and began tearing away with his teeth at one of the banana skins toget at the fruit inside.
My grandmother grasped the arm of her chair to steady herself, but her eyes never left me.
"Sit down, dear Grandmamma," I said.
She collapsed into her chair.
"Oh, my darling," she murmured and now the tears were really streaming down her cheeks.
"Oh, my poor sweet darling. What have they done to you?""I know what they've done, Grandmamma, and I know what I am, but the funny thing is that Idon't honestly feel especially bad about it. I don't even feel angry. In fact, I feel rather good. I knowI'm not a boy any longer and I never will be again, but I'll be quite all right as long as there's alwaysyou to look after me." I was not just trying to console her. I was being absolutely honest about theway I felt. You may think it odd that I wasn't weeping myself. It was odd. I simply can't explain it.
"Of course I'll look after you," my grandmother murmured. "Who is the other one?""That was a boy called Bruno Jenkins," I told her. "They got him first."My grandmother took a new long black cigar out of a case in her handbag and put it in hermouth. Then she got out a box of matches. She struck a match but her fingers were shaking so muchthat the flame kept missing the end of the cigar. When she got it lit at last, she took a long pull andsucked in the smoke. That seemed to calm her down a bit.
"Where did it happen?" she whispered. "Where is the witch now? Is she in the hotel?""Grandmamma," I said. "It wasn't just one. It was hundreds! They're all over the place!
They're right here in the hotel this very moment!"She leant forward and stared at me. "You don't mean... you don't actually mean... you don'tmean to tell me they're holding the Annual Meeting right here in the hotel?""They've held it, Grandmamma! It's finished! I heard it all! And all of them including TheGrand High Witch herself are downstairs now! They're pretending they're the Royal Society for thePrevention of Cruelty to Children! They're all having tea with the Manager!""And they caught you?"
"They smelt me out," I said.
"Dogs' droppings, was it?" she said, sighing.
"I'm afraid so. But it wasn't strong. They very nearly didn't smell me because I hadn't had abath for ages."
"Children should never have baths," my grandmother said. "It's a dangerous habit.""I agree, Grandmamma."
She paused, sucking at her cigar.
"Do you really mean to tell me that they are now all downstairs having tea?" she said.
"I'm certain of it, Grandmamma."
There was another pause. I could see the old glint of excitement slowly coming back into mygrandmother's eyes, and all of a sudden she sat up very straight in her chair and said sharply, "Tellme everything, right from the beginning. And please hurry."I took a deep breath and began to talk. I told about going to the Ballroom and hiding behindthe screen to do my mouse-training. I told about the notice saying Royal Society for the Prevention ofCruelty to Children. I told her all about the women coming in and sitting down and about the smallwoman who appeared on the stage and took off her mask. But when it came to describing what herface looked like underneath the mask, I simply couldn't find the right words. "It was horrible,Grandmamma!" I said. "Oh, it was so horrible! It was... it was like something that was going rotten!""Go on," my grandmother said. "Don't stop."
Then I told her about all the others taking off their wigs and their gloves and their shoes, andhow I saw before me a sea of bald pimply heads and how the women's fingers had little claws andhow their feet had no toes.
My grandmother had come forward now in her armchair so that she was sitting right on theedge of it. Both her hands were cupped over the gold knob of the stick that she always used whenwalking, and she was staring at me with eyes as bright as two stars.
Then I told her how The Grand High Witch had shot out the fiery white-hot sparks and howthey had turned one of the other witches into a puff of smoke.
"I've heard about that!" my grandmother cried out excitedly. "But I never quite believed it!
You are the first non-witch ever to see it happening! It is The Grand High Witch's most famouspunishment! It is known as 'getting fried', and all the other witches are petrified of having it done tothem! I am told that The Grand High Witch makes it a rule to fry at least one witch at each AnnualMeeting. She does it in order to keep the rest of them on their toes.""But they don't have any toes; Grandmamma."
"I know they don't, my darling, but please go on."So then I told my grandmother about the Delayed Action Mouse-Maker, and when I came tothe bit about turning all the children of England into mice, she actually leapt out of her chairshouting, "I knew it! I knew they were brewing up something tremendous!""We've got to stop them," I said.
She turned and stared at me. "You can't stop witches," she said. "Just look at the power thatterrible Grand High Witch has in her eyes alone! She could kill any of us at any time with thosewhite-hot sparks of hers! You saw it yourself!""Even so, Grandmamma, we've still got to stop her from turning all the children of Englandinto mice."
"You haven't quite finished," she said. "Tell me about Bruno. How did they get him?"So I described how Bruno Jenkins had come in and how I had actually seen him with my owneyes being shrunk into a mouse. My grandmother looked at Bruno who was guzzling away in thebowl of bananas.
"Does he never stop eating?" she asked.
"Never," I said. "Can you explain something to me, Grandmamma?""I'll try," she said. She reached out and lifted me off the table and put me on her lap. Verygently, she began stroking the soft fur along my back. It felt nice. "What is it you want to ask me, mydarling?" she said.
"The thing I don't understand", I said, "is how Bruno and I are still able to talk and think justas we did before."
"It's quite simple," my grandmother said. "All they've done is to shrink you and give you fourlegs and a furry coat, but they haven't been able to change you into a one hundred per cent mouse.
You are still yourself in everything except your appearance. You've still got your own mind and yourown brain and your own voice, and thank goodness for that.""So I'm not really an ordinary mouse at all," I said. "I'm a sort of mouse-person.""Quite right," she said. "You are a human in mouse's clothing. You are very special."We sat there in silence for a few moments while my grandmother went on stroking me verygently with one finger and puffing her cigar with the other hand. The only sound in the room wasmade by Bruno as he attacked the bananas in the bowl. But I wasn't doing nothing as I lay there onher lap. I was thinking like mad. My brain was whizzing as it had never whizzed before.
"Grandmamma," I said. "I may have a bit of an idea.""Yes, my darling. What is it?"
"The Grand High Witch told them her room was number 454. Right?""Right," she said.
"Well, my room is number 554. Mine, 554, is on the fifth floor, so hers, 454, will be on thefourth floor."
"That is correct," my grandmother said.
"Then don't you think it's possible that room 454 is directly underneath room 554?""That's more than likely," she said. "These modern hotels are all built like boxes of bricks.
But what if it is?"
"Would you please take me out on to my balcony so I can look down," I said.
All the rooms in the Hotel Magnificent had small private balconies. My grandmother carriedme through into my own bedroom and out on to my balcony. We both peered down to the balconyimmediately below.
"Now if that is her room," I said, "then I'll bet I could climb down there somehow and get in.""And get caught all over again," my grandmother said. "I won't allow it.""At this moment," I said, "all the witches are down on the Sunshine Terrace having tea withthe Manager. The Grand High Witch probably won't be back until six o'clock or just before. That'swhen she's going to dish out supplies of that foul formula to the ancient ones who are too old to climbtrees after gruntles' eggs."
"And what if you did manage to get into her room?" my grandmother said. "What then?""Then I should try to find the place where she keeps her supply of Delayed Action Mouse-Maker, and if I succeeded then I would steal one bottle of it and bring it back here.""Could you carry it?"
"I think so," I said. "It's a very small bottle.""I'm frightened of that stuff," my grandmother said. "What would you do with it if you didmanage to get it?"
"One bottle is enough for five hundred people," I said. "That would give each and every witchdown there a double dose at least. We could turn them all into mice."My grandmother jumped about an inch in the air. We were out on my balcony and there was adrop of about a million feet below us and I very nearly bounced out of her hand over the railingswhen she jumped.
"Be careful with me, Grandmamma," I said.
"What an idea!" she cried. "It's fantastic! It's tremendous! You're a genius, my darling!""Wouldn't it be something?" I said. "Wouldn't that really be something?""We'd get rid of every witch in England in one swoop!" she cried. "And The Grand HighWitch into the bargain!"
"We've got to try it," I said.
"Listen," she said, nearly dropping me over the balcony once again in her excitement. "If webrought this off, it would be the greatest triumph in the whole history of witchery!""There's a lot of work to do," I said.
"Of course there's a lot of work to do," she said. "Just for a start, supposing you did manage toget hold of one of those bottles, how would you get it into their food?""We'll work that out later," I said. "Let's try to get the stuff first. How can we find out for sureif that's her room just below us?"
"We shall check it out immediately!" my grandmother cried. "Come along! There's not asecond to waste!" Carrying me in one hand, she went bustling out of the bedroom and along thecorridor, banging her stick on the carpet with each step she took. We went down the stairs one flightto the fourth floor. The bedrooms on either side of the corridor had their numbers painted on thedoors in gold.
"Here it is!" my grandmother cried. "Number 454." She tried the door. It was locked ofcourse. She looked up and down the long empty hotel corridor. "I do believe you're right," she said.
"This room is almost certainly directly below yours." She marched back along the corridor, countingthe number of doors from The Grand High Witch's room to the staircase. There were six.
She climbed back up to the fifth floor and repeated the exercise.
"She is directly below you!" my grandmother cried out. "Her room is right below yours!"She carried me back into my own bedroom and went out once again on to the balcony. "That'sher balcony down there," she said. "And what's more, the door from her balcony into her bedroom iswide open! How are you going to climb down?"
"I don't know," I said. Our rooms were in the front of the hotel and they looked down on tothe beach and the sea. Immediately below my balcony, thousands of feet below, I could see a fence ofspiked railings. If I fell, I'd be a gonner.
"I've got it!" my grandmother cried. With me in her hand, she rushed back into her own roomand began rummaging in the chest-of-drawers. She came out with a ball of blue knitting-wool. Oneend of it was attached to some needles and a half-finished sock she had been knitting for me. "This isperfect," she said. "I shall put you in the sock and lower you down on to The Grand High Witch'sbalcony. But we must hurry! Any moment now that monster will be returning to her room!"

姥姥，你好
一出舞厅，我就像一道闪电那样飞奔。我跑过走廊，穿过休息室、阅览室、图书室和会客室，来到楼梯口。我上楼梯，一级一级跳，很轻快，一直紧靠着墙。“你和我在一起吗，布鲁诺？”我悄悄问。
“我在这里。”他说。
我姥姥和我的房间在五楼，够我爬一阵的，但我跑到了，路上没碰到一个人，因为人人都乘电梯。一到五楼，我沿着走廊向我姥姥的房门飞跑。她的一双鞋子放在门口等女侍拿去擦。布鲁诺紧跟在我身边。“我们现在怎么办？”他说。
忽然，我看到一个女侍沿走廊向我们走来。我马上认出来了，就是她向经理告发我养小白鼠的。我如今成了这种样子，当然不愿见她。“快，”我对布鲁诺说，“躲到一只鞋子里去！”说着我跳进了一只鞋子。布鲁诺跳进了另一只鞋子。我等着那女侍走过去。但是她没走过去，一来到鞋子这儿，她就弯下腰来拿鞋子。这样做时，她把一只手伸到我躲着的那只鞋子里。她的一个手指头刚碰到我，我就咬了它一口。这样做太愚蠢了，但我这是出于本能才这样做的，想也没有想过。女侍马上哇哇大叫，肯定连远处的英吉利海峡的船只也听到了。
她扔下鞋子，像一阵风似的沿着走廊逃走了。
我姥姥的房门打开了。“外面出什么事啦？”她说。我从她双腿间冲进了她的房间，布鲁诺在我后面紧紧跟着。
“关上门，姥姥！”我叫道，“请快一点！”
她转过脸看到了两只小棕鼠在地毯上。“请关上门。”我说，这一回她确实看到了我说话，认出了我的声音。她一下子愣住了，一动也不动。她身体的每一部分——手指、手、手臂、头都突然定住了，像个大理石塑像。她的脸色比大理石还白，眼睛张得连周围的眼白全都看得到。接着她开始发抖。我想她要昏倒了。
“请赶快关上门，姥姥。”我说，“那可怕的女侍可能要进来。”
她终于清醒过来，走过去关上了门。她倚着门，低头看着我，面色苍白，浑身发抖。我看到眼泪开始从她的眼里流出来，流下脸颊。
“不要哭，姥姥。”我说，“还算好，我从她们手里逃脱了。我还活着。布鲁诺也活着。”她慢慢地弯下腰用一只手捧起我，用另一只手捧起布鲁诺，把我们两个放在桌子上。桌子中间有一碗香蕉，布鲁诺直接向它扑过去，开始用牙去撕开香蕉皮，要吃香蕉。
我姥姥抓住椅子扶手使自己安静下来，但她的眼睛始终没有离开我。
“坐下，好姥姥。”我说。
她颓然坐在椅子上。
“噢，我的宝贝。”她咕噜了一声，这会儿她真的泪如泉涌。“噢，我可怜的小心肝。她们把你怎么啦？”
“我知道她们干了什么，姥姥。我知道我变成了什么，但好玩的是我的确不觉得怎么坏。
我甚至都不觉得生气。事实上我觉得很好。我知道我不再是个孩子了，也不会再成为孩子了，但只要由你照顾我，我会很好的。”我不只是安慰她。我的确觉得很好。你们也许会奇怪我自己怎么不哭。是很奇怪。我就是无法解释。
“我当然要照顾你。”我姥姥喃喃道，“那一个是谁？”
“他是个男孩，叫布鲁诺•詹金斯。”我告诉姥姥，“她们先把他变了。”
我姥姥从她手提包的一个盒子里拿出一支黑雪茄，放到嘴里。接着她拿出一盒火柴，划了一根，但手指抖得火对不上雪茄。等到雪茄终于点着，她深深吸了一口，把烟咽了下去。
这样好像使她平静一些了。
“事情是在哪里发生的？”她悄悄问，“那女巫如今在哪里？她在旅馆里吗？”
“姥姥，”我说，“不只一个，有几百个！她们是从全英国来的！她们这会儿就在这旅馆里！”
她俯身上前盯着我看。“你不是说……你不是当真说……你不是说她们在这旅馆里开年会吧？”
“她们开过了，姥姥！开完了！我全听到了！她们，包括那个女巫大王本人，如今都在楼下！她们借用了‘防止虐待儿童王家协会’的名义！她们正在和经理吃茶点！”
“她们捉住你了？”
“她们闻出我来了。”我说。
“狗屎，对吗？”她说着叹了口气。
“是的，但不强烈。因为我好久没洗澡了，她们几乎没有把我闻出来。”
“小朋友应该永远不洗澡。”我姥姥说，“洗澡是一个危险的习惯。”
“我赞成，姥姥。”
她顿了顿，吸着她的雪茄。
“你当真是对我说，她们正在楼下吃茶点吗？”她说。
“一点不假，姥姥。”
又是一阵沉默。我看到过去的那种兴奋的闪光慢慢地又回到我姥姥的眼睛里。她在椅子上一下子坐正，声音尖锐地说：“把所有的事从头到尾告诉我。请快一点。”
我深深地吸了口气，讲了起来。我说了我怎样进了舞厅，在屏风后面躲起来训练小白鼠。我说了那块写着“防止虐待儿童王家协会”的牌子。我还告诉她许多女人走进舞厅坐下，那个小个子女人走上讲坛摘下面具。当说到面具下那张脸是什么样子时，我简直找不到合适的话来描述。“它真可怕，姥姥！”我说，“噢，太可怕了！它像……它像什么正在腐烂的东西！”
“说下去，”我姥姥说，“别停下。”
接着我告诉她，所有其他女巫脱掉假发、手套和鞋子后，我怎样看到了面前那片布满红疹的秃头的海洋，还有那些女人的手指有小爪子，她们的脚没有脚趾。
我姥姥这时候已经在她的扶手椅上向前移过来，坐到椅子的边上来了。她用双手握住走路时总拿着的那根手杖的金杖头，看着我，两眼亮得像两颗星星。
接着我告诉她女巫大王怎样射出白热的火花，把一个女巫烧成了一股烟。
“这种事我听说过！”我姥姥激动地大声说，“但我从来都不相信！你是第一个不是女巫而看到这种事发生的人！这是女巫大王最有名的刑罚，叫‘火化’。所有女巫都怕受这种刑！听说女巫大王有条规矩，每次年会至少‘火化’一个女巫。她这样做是要使其他女巫别乱动她们的脚趾。”
“但是她们没有脚趾，姥姥。”
“我知道她们没有，小宝贝。请你说下去吧。”
于是我告诉姥姥“慢性变鼠药”的事。当我讲到她们要把全英国的儿童变成老鼠的时候，她竟然从椅子上跳了起来，叫道：“我早知道了！我早知道她们密谋要做什么不得了的事！”
“我们得阻止她们。”我说。
她转过脸来看着我。“你没办法阻止那些女巫，”她说，“只要看看女巫大王眼睛里的法力就知道了！她能随时用她那种白热的火花烧死我们！你亲眼看到了！”
“即使如此，姥姥，我们还是得阻止她把全英国的小朋友都变成老鼠！”
“你还没有说完。”她说，“告诉我布鲁诺的事。她们是怎么找上他的？”
于是我讲了布鲁诺•詹金斯是怎么进来的，我怎样亲眼看到他变成了一只老鼠。我姥姥转眼去看在那一碗香蕉中间大吃特吃的布鲁诺。
“他吃东西从来不停口吗？”她问道。
“从来不停口。”我说，“你能给我解释个问题吗，姥姥？”
“我来试试看。”她说。她伸手把我从桌子上捧起来，放到她的膝盖上去。她轻轻地顺着毛抚摸我的背。真舒服。“你要问我什么呀，我的宝贝？”她说。
“我不明白的是，”我说，“布鲁诺和我怎么还能和从前一样说话和动脑筋。”
“这很简单，”我姥姥说，“她们只能把你们缩小，使你们长出四条腿和一身毛，但是不能把你们变成百分之一百的老鼠。除了形状以外，你们仍旧完全是你们自己。你们保存着你们的心、你们的脑子和你们的声音。这真得谢天谢地。”
“这么说，我根本不是一只普通的老鼠。”我说，“我是一个老鼠人。”
“一点不错，”她说，“你是一个披着鼠皮的人。你是非常特别的。”
我们默默地坐了一会儿。姥姥用一个指头轻轻抚摸我，用另一只手吸雪茄。房间里唯一的声音是布鲁诺大啃玻璃碗里的香蕉的声音。但我躺在姥姥的膝盖上并不是无所事事。我在拼命地动脑筋。我的脑子以从未有过的速度大转特转。
“姥姥，”我说，“我有一个想法。”
“好啊，我的宝贝，是什么想法？”
“女巫大王告诉她们，她的房间号码是454，对吗？”
“对。”她说。
“我的房间号码是554。我的554在五楼，那么她的454就是在四楼了。”
“一点不错。”我姥姥说。
“那你不认为，454号房间就在554号房间底下吗？”
“绝不会错，”她说，“这种摩登旅馆都造得像砖头盒子似的。那又怎么样？”
“请你把我带到我的阳台上，我好向下看看。”我说。
华丽旅馆的所有房间都有个小阳台。我姥姥把我带到我自己的房间，又带到它外面的阳台上。我们两个偷看着就在底下的那个阳台。
“如果那是她的房间，”我说，“我敢打赌我能够下去并且溜进去。”
“那又要给逮住了。”我姥姥说，“我不答应。”
“这会儿，”我说，“所有的女巫都在阳光园里和经理在吃茶点。六点前女巫大王大概不会回来。六点她就要给老得不能上树取猪嘴鸟蛋的女巫发那种该死的药了。”
“你进了她的房间又怎样？”我姥姥说，“你要干什么？”
“我要找到她放‘慢性变鼠药’的地方，找到了我偷一瓶带回来。”
“你带得了吗？”
“我想能，”我说，“瓶子非常小。”
“我害怕那东西，”我姥姥说，“拿到了你用它干什么呢？”
“一瓶药够五百个人用，”我说，“至少一个女巫可以吃到双份。我们把她们全变成老鼠。”
我姥姥蹦起了有一英寸高。这时候我们正在我房间的阳台上，离下面有一百万英尺。她这一跳，我几乎从她手上弹起来翻出栏杆。
“当心着我，姥姥。”我说。
“多好的主意呀！”她叫道，“简直是妙不可言！太了不起了！你是个天才，我的宝贝！”
“这能行吗？”我说，“这真的能行吗？”
“我们一举就可以消灭英国所有的女巫！”她叫道，“还包括那女巫大王！”
“我们得试试。”我说。
“听我说，”她兴奋得几乎又要把我弄到阳台下面去了，“如果我们成功了，这将是巫术史上最伟大的胜利！”
“我们有许多事情要做。”我说。
“自然有许多事情要做。”她说，“比方说吧，假定你拿到了一瓶那种药，怎么弄到她们的食物里去呢？”
“这留到以后再想办法。”我说，“让我们先把药弄到手。我们怎么断定她的房间就在我们下面呢？”
“我们马上去查出来！”我姥姥叫道，“来！越快越好！”她用一只手托着我，急急忙忙走出房间，沿着走廊走，每走一步手杖就在地毯上撑一下。我们下了一层来到四楼。走廊两边的房门都有金字号码。
“就是这间！”我姥姥叫道，“454号。”她推推门。它自然是锁着的。她朝空荡荡的长走廊两头看看。“我确信你是对的，”她说，“几乎可以断定这个房间就在你的房间底下。”她又沿着走廊往回走，数着从女巫大王的房间到楼梯口的房门数目。一共六个房门。
她重新上到五楼，再数房门。
“她就在你底下！”我姥姥叫道，“她的房间就在你的房间底下！”
她把我带回我的房间，再到外面阳台上。“下面是她的阳台，”她说，“而且从阳台进她房间的门敞开着！你怎么下去呢？”
“我不知道。”我说。我们的房间在旅馆前部，对着海滩和海。我看到，在我的阳台正下方几千英尺的地方，有一排用带刺的栏杆围成的篱笆墙。如果跌下去，那我就完了。
“我有了！”我姥姥叫道。她捧着我跑进她自己的房间，在抽屉里翻。她拿出一团蓝毛线。毛线的一头带着几根织针和一只未织完的袜子，这是她给我织的。“这办法很好。”她说，“我把你放进袜子，吊到下面女巫大王的阳台上。但是我们得赶紧！那恶魔随时都会回到她的房间来！”
The Mouse-Burglar 老鼠小偷
The Mouse-Burglar
MY grandmother hustled me back into my own bedroom and out on to the balcony. "Are youready?" she asked. "I'm going to put you in the sock now.""I hope I can manage this," I said. "I'm only a little mouse.""You'll manage," she said. "Good luck, my darling." She popped me into the sock and startedlowering me over the balcony. I crouched inside the sock and held my breath. Through the stitches Icould see out quite clearly. Miles below me, the children playing on the beach were the size ofbeetles. The sock started swinging in the breeze. I looked up and saw my grandmother's head stickingout over the railings of the balcony above. "You're nearly there!" she called out. "Here we go! Gentlydoes it. You're down!"
I felt a slight bump. "In you go!" my grandmother was shouting. "Hurry, hurry, hurry! Searchthe room!"
I jumped out of the sock and ran into The Grand High Witch's bedroom. There was the samemusty smell about the place that I had noticed in the Ballroom. It was the stench of witches. Itreminded me of the smell inside the men's public lavatory at our local railway-station.
As far as I could see, the room was tidy enough. There was no sign anywhere that it wasinhabited by anyone but an ordinary person. But then there wouldn't be, would there? No witchwould be stupid enough to leave anything suspicious lying around for the hotel maid to see.
Suddenly I saw a frog jumping across the carpet and disappearing under the bed. I jumpedmyself.
"Hurry up!" came my grandmother's voice from somewhere high up outside. "Grab the stuffand get out!"
I started skittering round and trying to search the room. This wasn't so easy. I couldn't, forexample, open any of the drawers. I couldn't open the doors of the big wardrobe either. I stoppedskittering about. I sat in the middle of the floor and had a think. If The Grand High Witch wanted tohide something top secret, where would she put it? Certainly not in any ordinary drawer. Not in thewardrobe either. It was too obvious. I jumped up on to the bed to get a better view of the room. Hey, Ithought, what about under the mattress? Very carefully, I lowered myself over the edge of the bedand wormed my way underneath the mattress. I had to push forward hard to make any headway, but Ikept at it. I couldn't see a thing. I was scrabbling about under the mattress when my head suddenlybumped against something hard inside the mattress above me. I reached up and felt it with my paw.
Could it be a little bottle? It was a little bottle! I could trace the shape of it through the cloth of themattress. And right alongside it, I felt another hard lump, and another and another. The Grand HighWitch must have slit open the mattress and put all the bottles inside and then sewn it all up again. Ibegan tearing away frantically at the mattress cloth above my head with my teeth. My front teethwere extremely sharp and it didn't take me long to make a small hole. I climbed into the hole andgrabbed a bottle by the neck. I pushed it down through the hole in the mattress and climbed out afterit.
Walking backwards and dragging the bottle behind me, I managed to reach the edge of themattress. I rolled the bottle off the bed on to the carpet. It bounced but it didn't break. I jumped downoff the bed. I examined the little bottle. It was identical to the one The Grand High Witch had had inthe Ballroom. There was a label on this one. FORMULA 86, it said. DELAYED ACTION MOUSE-MAKER. Then it said, This bottle contains five hundred doses. Eureka! I felt tremendously pleasedwith myself.
Three frogs came hopping out from under the bed. They crouched on the carpet, staring at mewith large black eyes. I stared back at them. Those huge eyes were the saddest things I had ever seen.
It suddenly occurred to me that almost certainly once upon a time they had been children, those frogs,before The Grand High Witch had got hold of them. I stood there clutching the bottle and staring atthe frogs. "Who are you?" I asked them. At that exact moment, I heard a key turning in the lock ofthe door and the door burst open and The Grand High Witch swept into the room. The?frogs jumpedunderneath the bed again in one quick hop. I darted after them, still clutching the bottle, and I ranback against the wall and squeezed in behind one of the bedposts. I heard feet walking on the carpet.
I peeped round the bedpost. The three frogs were clustered together under the middle of the bed.
Frogs cannot hide like mice. They cannot run like mice, either. All they can do, poor things, is to hopabout rather clumsily.
Suddenly The Grand High Witch's face came into view, peering under the bed. I popped myhead back behind the bedpost. "So there you are, my little frrroggies," I heard her saying. "You canstay vhere you are until I go to bed tonight, then I shall thrrrow you out of the window and theseagulls can have you for supper."
Suddenly very loud and clear there came the sound of my grandmother's voice through theopen balcony door. "Hurry up, my darling!" it shouted. "Do hurry up! You'd better come outquickly!"
"Who is calling?" snapped The Grand High Witch. I peeped round the bedpost again and sawher walking across the carpet to the balcony door. "Who is this on my balcony?" she muttered. "Whois it? Who dares to trrrespass on my balcony?" She went through the door on to the balcony itself.
"Vot is this knitting-vool hanging down here?" I heard her saying.
"Oh, hello," came my grandmother's voice. "I just dropped my knitting over the balcony bymistake. But it's all right. I've got hold of one end of it. I can pull it up by myself, thank you all thesame." I marvelled at the coolness of her voice.
"Who vur you talking to just now?" snapped?????The Grand High Witch. "Who vur you tellingto hurry up and come out quickly?"
"I was talking to my little grandson," I heard my grandmother saying. "He's been in thebathroom for hours and it's time he came out. He sits in there reading books and he forgetscompletely where he is! Do you have any children, my dear?""I do not!" shouted The Grand High Witch, and she came quickly back into the bedroom,slamming the balcony door behind her.
I was cooked. My escape route was closed. I was shut up in the room with The Grand HighWitch and three terrified frogs. I was just as terrified as the frogs. I was quite sure that if I wasspotted, I would be caught and thrown out over the balcony for the seagulls.
There came a knock on the bedroom door. "Vot is it this time?" shouted The Grand HighWitch.
"It is we ancient ones," said a meek voice from behind the door. "It is six o'clock and we havecome to collect the bottles that you promised us, O Your Grandness."I saw her crossing the carpet towards the door. The door was opened and then I saw a wholelot of feet and shoes beginning to enter the room. They were coming in slowly and hesitantly, asthough the owners of those shoes were frightened of entering. "Come in! Come in!" snapped TheGrand High Witch. "Do not stand out there dithering in the corrri-dor! I don't have all night!"I saw my chance. I jumped out from behind the bedpost and ran like lightning towards theopen door. I jumped over several pairs of shoes on the way and in three seconds I was out in thecorridor, still clutching the precious bottle to my chest. No one had seen me. There were no shouts ofMouse! Mouse! All I could hear were the voices of the ancient witches burbling their silly sentencesabout "How kind Your Grandness is" and all the rest of it. I went scampering down the corridor to thestairs and up one flight. I went to the fifth floor and then along the corridor again until I came to thedoor of my own bedroom. Thank goodness there was no one in sight. Using the bottom of the littlebottle, I began tap-tap-tapping on the door. Tap tap tap rap, I went. Tap tap tap... tap tap tap...
Would my grandmother hear me? I thought that she must. The bottle made quite a loud tap each timeit struck. Tap tap tap... tap tap tap... Just so long as nobody came along the corridor.
But the door didn't open. I decided to take a risk. "Grandmamma!" I shouted as loudly as Ipossibly could. "Grandmamma! It's me! Let me in!"I heard her feet coming across the carpet and the door opened. I went in like an arrow. "I'vedone it!" I cried, jumping up and down. "I've got it, Grandmamma! Look, here it is! I've got a wholebottle of it!"
She closed the door. She bent down and picked me up and hugged me. "Oh my darling!" shecried. "Thank heavens you're safe!" She took the little bottle from me and read the label aloud. "'Formula 86 Delayed Action Mouse-Maker!' " she read. " 'This bottle contains five hundred doses!'
You brilliant darling boy! You're a wonder! You're a marvel! How on earth did you get out of herroom?"
"I nipped out when the ancient witches were coming in," I told her. "It was all a bit hairy,Grandmamma. I wouldn't want to do it again."
"I saw her too!" my grandmother said.
"I know you did, Grandmamma. I heard you talking to each other. Didn't you think she wasabsolutely foul?"
"She's a murderer," my grandmother said. "She's the most evil woman in the entire world!""Did you see her mask?" I asked.
"It's amazing," my grandmother said. "It looks just like a real face. Even though I knew it wasa mask, I still couldn't tell. Oh, my darling!" she cried, giving me a hug. "I thought I'd nearer see youagain! I'm so happy you got away!"


老鼠小偷
我姥姥带着我赶回我的房间，再到外面的阳台上。“你准备好了吗？”她问道，“我现在要把你放进袜子里了。”
“这件事我希望我能办成。”我说，“我只是一只小老鼠。”
“你能办成的。”她说，“祝你幸运，我的宝贝。”她把我放进袜子，开始从阳台上把我放下去。我蹲在袜子里屏住气。透过袜子的缝隙我能清楚地看到外面。在我下面好远的地方，正在海滩上玩耍的孩子们和甲虫一样大小。袜子开始在微风中摇晃。我抬头看到姥姥的头从上面的阳台栏杆上伸出来。
“你快到了！”她大声说，“这就到了！我会轻轻的。你到了！”
我感到轻微的一震。“你进去吧！”我姥姥在叫唤，“快一点，快一点，快一点！把房间搜查一遍！”
我跳出袜子，奔进女巫大王的房间。这里有一股发霉的气味，和我在舞厅里闻到的一样。这是女巫的臭味。这使我想到了我们当地火车站男厕所里的气味。
就我所看到的情形来说，这个房间里十分整洁。没有一点迹象说明这里住的不是正常的人。那么药不在这里？女巫不会那么笨，把可疑的东西放在旅馆女侍能看到的地方。
忽然，我看见一只青蛙跳过地毯，钻到床底下不见了。我吓了一跳。
“快点！”外面高处传来我姥姥的声音，“拿到那东西就出来！”
我开始跑来跑去地设法搜索房间。这可不那么容易，例如我打不开抽屉，我也打不开大衣柜。我停下来不跑了，蹲在地板当中动脑筋。如果女巫大王想藏起什么绝密的东西，她会把它藏在哪里呢？当然不会藏在普通的抽屉里，也不会藏在衣柜里。那太显眼了。我跳到床上把整个房间更好地看了一遍。嘿，我想，床垫底下怎么样？我非常小心地从床边探下身去，钻到床垫底下。我得使劲用头顶着往里钻。我什么也看不出来。我在床垫底下乱摸，头忽然撞到一样硬东西，在床垫里面，就在我的头顶上。我用爪子去摸。会不会是一个小瓶子？是一个小瓶子。隔着床垫布，我能把它的形状摸出来。在它旁边我又摸到一个这种硬的东西，接着摸到了一个又一个。女巫大王一定是撕开了床垫，把所有的瓶子塞了进去，然后再缝起来。我开始用牙拼命地咬开我头顶上的床垫布。我的前齿极其尖利，很快就咬出一个小洞。我钻进洞，抓住一个瓶颈，把瓶子推出洞口，我跟着它爬了出来。
我拉着瓶子倒着身走，一直来到床垫边。我让瓶子从床边滚到下面的地毯上。它落地后弹了起来，但没有摔破。我跳下床查看那瓶子。和女巫大王在舞厅里拿出来的那个一模一样。这瓶子上有一个标签：86号配方慢性变鼠药。上面还写着：本瓶含量五百剂。我找到了！我得意极了。
三只青蛙从床底下跳出来。它们蹲在地毯上用黑色的大眼睛看着我。我也看着它们。这些大眼睛是我见过的最悲哀的眼睛。我忽然想到，几乎可以肯定，这些青蛙在女巫大王把它们变成青蛙之前也是小孩。“你们是谁？”我问它们。
就在这时候，我听见钥匙开门锁的声音，房门开了，女巫大王飞快地走进房间。三只青蛙一下子又跳到床底下。我跟着它们钻了进去，但仍旧抱着瓶子。我跑到墙边，躲在一根床腿后面。我听见脚步走过地毯。我从床腿后面向外偷看。三只青蛙在床底下正当中挨在一起。青蛙不能像老鼠那么躲藏。它们也不能像老鼠那么跑。这些可怜的东西只能不灵活地跳。
忽然露出了女巫大王的脸，她在朝床底下看。我连忙把头缩回床腿后面。“你们在这里，我的小青蛙。”我听见她说，“你们可以在那里待到今天晚上我上床睡觉。到那时我把你们从窗口扔出去，海鸥可以拿你们当晚饭吃。”
忽然，从开着的阳台门那儿传来我姥姥那又响又清楚的声音。“快一点，我的宝贝！”她叫道，“得快！你最好马上出来！”
“谁在嚷嚷？”女巫大王厉声说。我又从床腿后面朝外偷看，看见她走过地毯到了阳台门那里。“谁在我的阳台上？”她咕噜道，“是什么人？谁胆敢擅自到我的阳台上来？”她出门走到外面的阳台上。
“这毛线怎么挂在这里？”我听见她说。
“噢，你好，”传来我姥姥的声音，“我刚才不小心，把我织的东西从我的阳台落下去了。
可是不要紧，我总算抓住了这一头。我可以把它拉上来。不过我同样要谢谢你。”我听到她说得那么冷静，不禁惊叹。
“你刚才对谁说话？”女巫大王厉声问她，“你叫谁快一点，马上出来？”
“我在对我的小外孙说话。”我听见我姥姥说，“他进浴室已经好久了，该出来了。我坐在那里看书，根本忘了他是在什么地方！你有孩子吗，亲爱的？”
“我没有！”女巫大王大叫一声，很快地回到房间里，随手关上了阳台门。
我完了。我逃走的路被堵死了。我被关在房间里和女巫大王以及三只吓坏了的青蛙在一起了。我也和它们一样吓坏了。我确信，如果我被发现，我会被捉住并且被扔出阳台去喂海鸥的。
正在这时候，有人敲房门。“这一回又是谁？”女巫大王叫道。
“是我们老女巫。”门外传来怯生生的声音，“六点钟了，我们是来拿你答应给我们的药的，噢，大王。”
我看见她走过地毯到房门那儿去。门开了，我看见许多脚和鞋子开始进房间。它们走得很慢很犹豫，好像鞋子的所有者不敢进房间似的。“进来！进来！”女巫大王厉声说，“不要站在外面走廊里磨蹭。我可没有工夫等上一夜！”
我看到我的机会来了。我从床腿后面跳出来，像闪电一样直奔房门。我一路上跳过几双鞋，三秒钟工夫我已经在外面的走廊里了，仍旧抱着那个珍贵的瓶子。没有一个女巫看见我。没有人叫：“老鼠！老鼠！”我只听见那些老女巫叽里咕噜地说着她们的废话，什么“大王你多么仁慈啊”等等。我沿着走廊跑到楼梯口，上楼梯，来到五楼，沿着走廊又回到我的房间门口。谢谢老天爷帮忙，一个人也没有。我用那小瓶子的瓶底敲门。咚咚咚咚，我不断敲。
咚咚咚……咚咚咚……我姥姥会听见吗？我想她一定会听到。瓶子敲出很响的咚咚声。咚咚咚……咚咚咚……好在始终没有人沿着走廊过来。
但房门没有打开，我决定冒一次险。“姥姥！”我有多响叫多响，“姥姥！是我啊！放我进去吧！”
我听见她走过地毯，门打开了。我像支箭一样窜进去。“我拿到了！”我蹦蹦跳着叫道，“我拿到了，姥姥！瞧，这就是它！我拿到了整整一瓶！”
她关上房门，弯腰把我捧起来，拥抱我。“噢，我的宝贝！”她叫道，“谢天谢地，你平安无事！”她从我怀里接过小瓶子，读着标签上的字。“86号配方慢性变鼠药！”她说，“本瓶含量五百剂！你这小宝贝真了不起！你是一个奇迹！你是一个宝贝！你是怎么逃出她的房间的？”
“当老女巫们进房间的时候，我溜出来了。”我告诉她，“有点贼头贼脑，姥姥。我不想再干这种事了。”
“我也看到了她！”我姥姥说。
“我知道你看到了她，姥姥。我听见你们说话了。你不觉得她讨厌到极点了吗？”
“她是个杀人犯。”我姥姥说，“她是世界上最坏的女人！”
“你看见她的面具啦？”我问道。
“它真惊人，”我姥姥说，“看着就像一张真的脸。即使我知道它是一个面具，我还是不敢说它是面具。噢，我的宝贝！”她抱着我叫道，“我还以为我再也见不到你了呢！你逃出来了，我太高兴了！”
Mr and Mrs Jenkins Meet Bruno金斯夫妇和布鲁诺相会
Mr and Mrs Jenkins Meet Bruno
My grandmother carried me back into her own bedroom and put me on the table. She set theprecious bottle down beside me. "What time are those witches having supper in the Dining Room?"she asked.
"Eight o'clock," I said.
She looked at her watch. "It is now ten-past six," she said. "We've got until eight o'clock towork out our next move." Suddenly, her eye fell upon Bruno. He was still in the banana bowl on thetable. He had eaten three bananas and was now attacking a fourth. He had become immensely fat.
"That's quite enough," my grandmother said, lifting him out of the bowl and putting him onthe table-top. "I think it's time we returned this little fellow to the bosom of his family. Don't youagree, Bruno?"
Bruno scowled at her. I had never seen a mouse scowl before, but he managed it. "My parentslet me eat as much as I want," he said. "I'd rather be with them than with you.""Of course you would," my grandmother said. "Do you know where your parents might be atthis moment?"
"They were in the Lounge not long ago," I said "I saw them sitting there as we dashed throughon our way up here."
"Right," my grandmother said. "Let's go and see if they are still there. Do you want to comealong?" she added, looking at me.
"Yes, please," I said.
"I shall put you both in my handbag," she said "Keep quiet and stay out of sight. If you mustpeep out now and again, don't show more than your nose."Her handbag was a large bulgy black-leather affair with a tortoise-shell clasp. She picked upBruno and me and popped us into it. "I shall leave the clasp undone," she said. "But be sure to keepout of sight."
I had no intention of keeping out of sight. I wanted to see everything. I seated myself in alittle side-pocket inside the bag, near the clasp, and from there I was able to poke my head outwhenever I wanted to.
"Hey!" Bruno called out. "Give me the rest of that banana I was eating.""Oh all right," my grandmother said. "Anything to keep you quiet." She dropped the half-eaten banana into the bag, then slung the bag over her arm and marched out of the room and wentthumping along the corridor with her walking stick.
We went down in the lift to the ground floor and made our way through the Reading-Room tothe Lounge. And there, sure enough, sat Mr and Mrs Jenkins in a couple of armchairs with a lowround glass-covered table between them. There were several other groups in there as well, but theJenkinses were the only couple sitting alone. Mr Jenkins was reading a newspaper. Mrs Jenkins wasknitting something large and mustard-coloured. Only my nose and eyes were above the clasp of mygrandmother's handbag, but I had a super view. I could see everything.
My grandmother, dressed in black lace, went thumping across the floor of the Lounge andhalted in front of the Jenkins's table. "Are you Mr and Mrs Jenkins? " she asked.
Mr Jenkins looked at her over the top of his newspaper and frowned. "Yes," he said. "I am MrJenkins. What can I do for you, madam?"
"I'm afraid I have some rather alarming news for you," she said. "It's about your son, Bruno.""What about Bruno?" Mr Jenkins said.??????????????????
Mrs Jenkins looked up but went on knitting.
"What's the little blighter been up to now?" Mr Jenkins asked. "Raiding the kitchen, Isuppose."
"It's a bit worse than that," my grandmother said. "Do you think we might go somewheremore private while I tell you about it?"
"Private?" Mr Jenkins said. "Why do we have to be private?""This is not an easy thing for me to explain," my grandmother said. "I'd much rather we allwent up to your room and sat down before I tell you any more."Mr Jenkins lowered his paper. Mrs Jenkins stopped knitting. "I don't want to go up to myroom, madam," Mr Jenkins said. "I'm quite comfortable here, thank you very much." He was a largecoarse man and he wasn't used to being pushed around by anybody. "Kindly state your business andthen leave us alone," he added. He spoke as though he was addressing someone who was trying tosell him a vacuum-cleaner at the back door.
My poor grandmother, who had been doing her best to be as kind to them as possible, nowbegan to bristle a bit herself. "We really can't talk in here," she said. "There are too many people.
This is a rather delicate and personal matter.""I'll talk where I dashed well want to, madam," Mr Jenkins said. "Come on now, out with it!
If Bruno has broken a window or smashed your spectacles, then I'll pay for the damage, but I'm notbudging out of this seat!"
One or two other groups in the room were beginning to stare at us now.
"Where is Bruno anyway?" Mr Jenkins said. "Tell him to come here and see me.""He's here already," my grandmother said. "He's in my handbag." She patted the big floppyleather bag with her walking-stick.
"What the heck d'you mean he's in your handbag?" Mr Jenkins shouted.
"Are you trying to be funny?" Mrs Jenkins said, very prim.
"There's nothing funny about this," my grandmother said. "Your son has suffered a ratherunfortunate mishap."
"He's always suffering mishaps," Mr Jenkins said. "He suffers from overeating and then hesuffers from wind. You should hear him after supper. He sounds like a brass band! But a good doseof castor-oil soon puts him right again. Where is the little beggar?""I've already told you," my grandmother said. "He's in my handbag. But I do think it might bebetter if we went somewhere private before you meet him in his present state.""This woman's mad," Mrs Jenkins said. "Tell her to go away."'"The plain fact is", my grandmother said, "that your son Bruno has been rather drasticallyaltered."
"Altered!" shouted Mr Jenkins. "What the devil d'you mean altered?""Go away!" Mrs Jenkins said. "You're a silly old woman!""I am trying to tell you as gently as I possibly can that Bruno really is in my handbag," mygrandmother said. "My own grandson actually saw them doing it to him.""Saw who doing what to him, for heaven's sake?" shouted Mr Jenkins. He had a blackmoustache which jumped up and down when he shouted.
"Saw the witches turning him into a mouse," my grandmother said.
"Call the Manager, dear," Mrs Jenkins said to her husband. "Have this mad woman thrownout of the hotel."
At this point, my grandmother's patience came to an end. She fished around in her handbagand found Bruno. She lifted him out and dumped him on the glass-topped table. Mrs Jerkins took onelook at the fat little brown mouse who was still chewing a bit of banana and she let out a shriek thatrattled the crystals on the chandelier. She sprang out of her chair yelling, "It's a mouse! Take it away!
I can't stand the things!"
"It's Bruno," my grandmother said.
"You nasty cheeky old woman!" shouted Mr Jerkins. He started flapping his newspaper atBruno, trying to sweep him off the table. My grandmother rushed forward and managed to grab holdof him before he was swept away. Mrs Jerkins was still screaming her head off and Mr Jerkins wastowering over us and shouting, "Get out of here! How dare you frighten my wife like that! Take yourfilthy mouse away this instant!"
"Help!" screamed Mrs Jerkins. Her face had gone the colour of the underside of a fish.
"Well, I did my best," my grandmother said, and with that she turned and sailed out of theroom, carrying Bruno with her.


金斯夫妇和布鲁诺相会
我姥姥把我带回她的房间，放在桌子上。她把那个贵重的瓶子放在我旁边。“那些女巫几点在餐厅吃晚饭？”她问。
“八点。”我说。
她看看手表。“现在是六点十分，”她说，“八点钟才能进行下一步。”她的眼睛忽然落到布鲁诺身上。他还在那个盛着香蕉的玻璃碗里。他已经吃掉了三个香蕉，正在开始吃第四个。他的肚子吃得胀鼓鼓的。
“已经吃够了，”我姥姥说着把他从玻璃碗里抓起来，放在桌子上，“我想该把这小家伙送还给他家了。你同意吗，布鲁诺？”
布鲁诺怒视着她。我以前还没有见过老鼠怒视过，但他会怒视。“我的爸爸妈妈向来听任我吃，”他说，“我情愿和他们在一起也不和你在一起。”
“当然是这样，”我姥姥说，“你知道这会儿他们在哪里吗？”
“他们不久前在休息室里，”我说，“我们飞奔到这儿来的时候，我见过他们。”
“好，”我姥姥说，“我们去看看他们是不是还在那里。你要跟我们去吗？”她看看我加上一句。
“是的。”我说。
“我把你们两个放在手提包里。”她说，　“不要出声，不要让人看见。万一有时要看看外面，顶多只能露出眼睛。”
她的黑色手提皮包很大，胀鼓鼓的，有个玳瑁扣子。她把布鲁诺和我放进去。“我把扣子开着，”她说，“但千万别让人看见你们。”
可我想看东西，什么都想看。我坐在手提包靠近扣子的边袋里，从那里只要我高兴就可以把头伸出去。
“喂！”布鲁诺叫道，“把我没吃完的香蕉给我。”
“好吧，”我姥姥说，“只要你不出声就行。”她把他没吃完的香蕉扔进手提包，接着把手提包挂在胳臂肘上，走出房间，咚咚咚地拄着手杖沿走廊走向电梯。
我们乘电梯来到底层，穿过阅览室走到休息室。詹金斯先生和太太的确在那里，正坐在一对扶手椅上，中间是一张矮矮的玻璃面圆桌。休息室里还有别的几伙人，但他们两个是单独坐在一起的。詹金斯先生在看报。詹金斯太太在织很大的一件芥末色的什么东西。我在我姥姥的手提包扣子上只露出鼻子和眼睛，但我眼力好，什么都看得见。
我的穿着黑色花边长裙的姥姥走过休息室，停在詹金斯夫妇桌前。“你们是詹金斯先生和太太吗？”她问。
詹金斯先生从报纸的上端看着她，皱起眉头。“是的，”他说，“我是詹金斯先生。我能为你做什么事吗，太太？”
“恐怕我有件事会使你们吃惊，”她说，“是关于你们的儿子布鲁诺的。”
“布鲁诺怎么啦？”詹金斯先生说。
詹金斯太太抬起头来，但手上继续在织东西。“这小家伙这会儿上哪儿去啦？”詹金斯先生问道，“我想是去厨房了。”
“比这更糟，”我姥姥说，“我们到没有人的地方去，我把这件事情告诉你们好吗？”
“没有人的地方？”詹金斯先生说，“我们为什么要到没有人的地方？”
“我不好解释，”我姥姥说，“我们最好上你们的房间，坐下来我再给你们说。”
詹金斯先生放下报纸。詹金斯太太也不再编织了。“我不愿上楼到我的房间去，太太，”詹金斯先生说，“我在这里很舒服，谢谢你了。”他是个粗鲁的大人物，不习惯被人指挥。“有什么事请你说出来，然后走开，别打搅我们了。”他又说，好像对在后门兜售吸尘器的人说话一样。
我可怜的姥姥，她已经尽可能对他们客气了，这时也开始有点被激怒了。“我们的确不能在这里说，”她说，“这里人太多。这是一件十分棘手的私下的事。”
“我想在哪里谈就在哪里谈，太太，”詹金斯先生说，“现在说吧，说出来！如果布鲁诺打破了玻璃窗或者你的眼镜，我负责赔偿损失，但是我不离开这个座位！”
这时候房间里有一两张桌子跟前的人开始看我们。
“布鲁诺到底在哪里？”詹金斯先生说，“叫他到这儿来看我。”
“他已经在这里了，”我姥姥说，“他在我的手提包里。”她用她的手杖拍拍软软的大皮包。
“他在你的手提包里，你这话是什么意思？”詹金斯先生大叫。
“你想闹着玩吗？”詹金斯太太一本正经地说。
“这件事一点儿也不好玩，”我姥姥说，“你们的儿子遭到了不幸。”
“他一直都在遭到不幸。”詹金斯先生说，“他吃苦头是因为吃得过多，然后放屁。你该听听他吃完饭后的声音，像个铜管乐队！但是一剂蓖麻油就把他治好了。那小瘪三在哪里？”
“我已经告诉你了，”我姥姥说，“他在我的手提包里。不过我的确认为，在你看到他现在的样子以前，我们最好去个没有人的地方。”
“这个女人疯了，”詹金斯太太说，“叫她走开。”
“事实是，”我姥姥说，“你们的儿子布鲁诺已经完全变样了。”
“变样了！”詹金斯先生叫道，“你说变样了是什么鬼意思？”
“走吧！”詹金斯太太说，“你是个傻老太婆！”
“我是在尽可能客气地告诉你们，布鲁诺的确在我的手提包里，”我姥姥说，“我的外孙当真看到她们把他变了。”
“天啊，看到谁把他怎么样了？”詹金斯先生叫起来。他有一小撮黑胡子，一叫小胡子就上下跳动。
“看到女巫把他变成了一只老鼠。”我姥姥说。
“快叫经理，亲爱的，”詹金斯太太对她丈夫说，“把这个疯女人赶出旅馆。”
这时候我姥姥的耐心到了头，忍无可忍了。她把手伸到手提包里找到了布鲁诺。她把他拿出来放在玻璃桌面上。詹金斯太太对那还在嚼着最后一点香蕉的胖乎乎的小棕鼠看了一眼，马上一声急叫，震得枝形吊灯的水晶片叮叮响。她从椅子上跳起来叫道：“是只老鼠！把它拿走！我怕老鼠！”
“他是布鲁诺。”我姥姥说。
“你这不要脸的该死的老太婆！”詹金斯先生叫道。他用他的报纸去拍打布鲁诺，想把他从桌子上扫走。我姥姥扑上去，在他把布鲁诺扫下去之前总算把他捧走了。詹金斯太太还在拼命大叫。詹金斯先生耸立在我们面前叫道：“滚开！你怎么敢这样吓唬我的妻子！马上把你这只肮脏的老鼠拿走！”
“救命啊！”詹金斯太太叫道，脸色变得像鱼肚。
“好吧，我已经尽心了。”我姥姥说着转身离开房间，带走了布鲁诺。
The Plan 计划
The Plan
When we got back to the bedroom, my grandmother took both me and Bruno out of herhandbag and put us on the table. "Why on earth didn't you speak up and tell your father who youwere?" she said to Bruno.
"Because I had my mouth full," Bruno said. He jumped straight back into the bowl of bananasand went on with his eating.
"What a very disagreeable little boy you are," my grandmother said to him.
"Not boy," I said. "Mouse."
"Quite right, my darling. But we don't have time to worry about him at this moment. We haveplans to make. In about an hour and a half's time, all the witches will be going down to supper in theDining Room. Right?"
"Right," I said.
"And every one of them has got to be given a dose of Mouse-Maker," she said. "How on earthare we going to do that?"
"Grandmamma," I said. "I think you are forgetting that a mouse can go places where humanbeings can't."
"That's quite right," she said. "But even a mouse can't go creeping around on the table-topcarrying a bottle and sprinkling Mouse-Maker all over the witches' roast beef without being spotted.""I wasn't thinking of doing it in the Dining Room," I said.
"Then where?" she asked.
"In the kitchen," I said, "while their food is being got ready."My grandmother stared at me. "My darling child," she said slowly, "I do believe that turningyou into a mouse has doubled your brain-power!""A little mouse", I said, "can go scuttling round the kitchen among the pots and pans, and ifhe's very careful no one will ever see him."
"Brilliant!" my grandmother cried out. "By golly, I think you've got it!""The only thing is," I said, "how will I know which food is theirs? I don't want to put it in thewrong saucepan. It would be disastrous if I turned all the other guests into mice by mistake, andespecially you, Grandmamma."
"Then you'll just have to creep into the kitchen and find a good hiding-place and wait... andlisten. Just lie there in some dark cranny listening and listening to what the cooks are saying... andthen, with a bit of luck, somebody's going to give you a clue. Whenever they have a very big party tocook for, the food is always prepared separately.""Right," I said. "That's what I'll have to do. I shall wait there and I shall listen and I shall hopefor a bit of luck."
"It's going to be very dangerous," my grandmother said. "Nobody welcomes a mouse in thekitchen. If they see you, they'll squash you to death.""I won't let them see me," I said.
"Don't forget you'll be carrying the bottle," she said, "so you won't be nearly so quick andnippy."
"I can run quite fast standing up with the bottle in my arms," I said. "I did it just now, don'tyou remember? I came all the way up from The Grand High Witch's room carrying it.""What about unscrewing the top?" she said. "That might be difficult for you.""Let me try," I said. I took hold of the little bottle and using both my front paws, I found I wasable to unscrew the cap quite easily.
"That's great," my grandmother said. "You really are a very clever mouse." She glanced at herwatch. "At half-past seven," she said, "I shall go down to the Dining-Room for supper with you in myhandbag. I shall then release you under the table together with the precious bottle and from then onyou'll be on your own. You will have to work your way unseen across the Dining-Room to the doorthat leads into the kitchen. There will be waiters going in and out of that door all the time. You willhave to choose the right moment and nip in behind one of them, but for heaven's sake be sure thatyou don't get trodden on or squeezed in the door.""I'll try not to," I said.
"And whatever happens, you mustn't let them catch you.""Don't go on about it, Grandmamma. You're making me nervous.""You're a brave little fellow," she said. "I do love you.""What shall we do with Bruno?" I asked her.
Bruno looked up. "I'm coming with you," he said, speaking with his mouth full of banana.
"I'm not going to miss my supper!"
My grandmother considered this for a moment. "I'll take you along," she said, "if you promiseto stay in my bag and keep absolutely silent.""Will you pass food down to me from the table?" Bruno asked.
"Yes," she said, "if you promise to behave yourself. Would you like something to eat, mydarling?" she said to me.
"No, thank you," I said. "I'm too excited to eat. And I've got to keep fit and frisky for the bigjob ahead."
"It's a big job all right," my grandmother said. "You'll never do a bigger one."
计划
我们一回到房间，我姥姥把我和布鲁诺从她的手提包里拿出来，放在桌子上。“你干吗不开口，告诉你父亲你是谁？”她对布鲁诺说。
“因为我的嘴里塞满了香蕉。”布鲁诺说。他马上又跳进那一玻璃碗香蕉里继续大吃。
“你是个多么不讨人喜欢的孩子。”我姥姥对他说。
“不是孩子，”我说，“是只老鼠。”
“不错，我的宝贝。但现在我们没工夫去为他烦心了。我们得定个计划。在一个半小时内，所有的女巫将到下面的餐厅里去吃晚饭，对吗？”
“对。”我说。
“得给她们一人一剂变鼠药，”她说，“怎么给呢？”
“姥姥，”我说，“我想你忘了老鼠能到人不能到的地方。”
“一点不假，”她说，“但就算是老鼠，也不能拿着个瓶子在桌上一边走，一边去给女巫们的烤牛肉滴变鼠药而不被发现啊。”
“我不是想在餐厅里做这件事。”我说。
“那么在哪里呢？”她问道。
“在厨房里，”我说，“在给她们做菜的时候。”
我姥姥看着我。“我亲爱的孩子，”她慢慢地说，“我可以断定，你在变成老鼠的同时，变得双倍聪明了！”
“一只小老鼠，”我说，“能在厨房里的锅和盘子之间跑来跑去，只要小心，没有人能看到的。”
“了不起！”我姥姥叫起来，“天啊，我想你把办法想出来了！”
“唯一的问题是，”我说，“我怎么知道哪些菜是她们吃的呢？我不想把药错放到别的锅里。如果我错把别的客人变成老鼠，那就闯大祸了。特别是你，姥姥。”
“那你就得溜进厨房，找个好地方躲起来等……并且听着，躲在黑暗的角落里听厨师们说话……运气好的话，有人会说出句什么，你听了就有数了。只要有大宴会，宴会的菜总是专门烧的。”
“对，”我说，“我就这么办。我在那里等着听着，希望碰上点好运气。”
“不过这件事十分危险。”我姥姥说，“厨房里没有人欢迎老鼠。如果看见你，他们会把你打死的。”
“我不让他们看见。”我说。
“别忘了你还带着那瓶子，”她说，“因此你就跑得不那么快，也不那么利索了。”
“我直立起来抱着瓶子能跑得相当快，”我说，“不久前我才做过，你不记得了吗？我抱着它从女巫大王的房间一直跑到这里。”
“那么开瓶盖呢？”她说，“可能不大好办。”
“让我试试看。”我说。我抱住小瓶子，用两只前爪转瓶盖，我发现很好办。
“那好极了，”我姥姥说，“你真是只聪明透顶的老鼠。”她看看手表。“到七点半，”她说，“我到下面的餐厅里吃晚饭，把你放在我的手提包里带下去。然后我把你连同那宝贵的瓶子放到桌子底下，你就去干你的。你不要让人看见，穿过餐厅溜到厨房门口。侍者一直从那个门进出，你找个合适的时机钻进去，但千万小心，别被门挤了。”
“我会小心的。”我说。
“不管出什么事，你绝对不能让他们捉到你。”
“别说这个，姥姥。你弄得我心里直发慌。”
“你是个勇敢的小家伙，”她说，“我真爱你。”
“布鲁诺怎么办？”我问她。
布鲁诺抬起头来。“我和你一起去，”他嘴里塞满了香蕉，说，“我不想错过我的晚饭！”
我姥姥想了一下。“我把你也带去，”她说，“只要你答应待在我的手提包里绝对安静。”
“你从桌上把食物传下来给我吗？”布鲁诺问。
“是的，”她说，“只要你答应规规矩矩的。你想吃点东西吗，我的宝贝？”她问我。
“不，谢谢，”我说，“我太紧张了，吃不下。为了眼前这项重要的工作，我不能吃得太饱，必须让身子敏捷一些。”
“不错，这是个重要工作。”我姥姥说，“你再也不会有比这更重要的工作了。”
In the Kitchen 在厨房里
In the Kitchen
"The time has come!" my grandmother said. "The great moment has arrived! Are you ready,my darling?"
It was exactly half-past seven. Bruno was in the bowl finishing that fourth banana. "Hang on,"he said. "Just a few more bites."
"No!" my grandmother said. "We've got to go!" She picked him up and held him tight in herhand. She was very tense and nervous. I had never seen her like that before. "I'm going to put youboth in my handbag now," she said, "but I shall leave the clasp undone." She popped Bruno into itfirst. I waited, clutching the little bottle to my chest. "Now you," she said. She picked me up and gaveme a kiss on the nose. "Good luck, my darling. Oh, by the way, you do realise you've got a tail, don'tyou?"
"A what?" I said.
"A tail. A long curly tail."
"I must say that never occurred to me," I said. "Good gracious me, so I have! I can see it now!
I can actually move it! It is rather grand, isn't it?""I mention it only because it might come in useful when you're climbing about in thekitchen," my grandmother said. "You can curl it around and you can hook it on to things and you canswing from it and lower yourself to the ground from high places.""I wish I'd known this before," I said. "I could have practised using it.""Too late now," my grandmother said. "We've got to go." She popped me into her handbagwith Bruno, and at once I took up my usual perch in the small side-pocket so that I could poke myhead out and see what was going on.
My grandmother picked up her walking-stick and out she went into the corridor to the lift.
She pressed the button and the lift came up and she got in. There was no one in there with us.
"Listen," she said. "I won't be able to talk to you much once we're in the Dining-Room. If Ido, people will think I'm dotty and talking to myself."The lift reached the ground floor and stopped with a jerk. My grandmother walked out of itand crossed the lobby of the hotel and entered the Dining-Room. It was a huge room with golddecorations on the ceiling and big mirrors around the walls. The regular guests always had theirtables reserved for them and most of them were already in their places and starting to eat theirsuppers. Waiters were buzzing about all over the place, carrying plates and dishes. Our table was asmall one beside the right-hand wall about halfway down the room. My grandmother made her wayto it and sat down.
Peeping out of the handbag, I could see in the very centre of the room two long tables thatwere not yet occupied. Each of them carried a notice fixed on to a sort of silver stick and the noticessaid, RESERVED FOR MEMBERS OF THE RSPCC.
My grandmother looked towards the long tables but said nothing. She unfolded her napkinand spread it over the handbag on her lap. Her hand slid under the napkin and took hold of me gently.
With the napkin covering me, she lifted me up close to her face and whispered, "I am about to putyou on the floor under the table. The table-cloth reaches almost to the ground so no one will see you.
Have you got hold of the bottle?"
"Yes," I whispered back. "I'm ready, Grandmamma."Just then, a waiter in a black suit came and stood by our table. I could see his legs from underthe napkin and as soon as I heard his voice, I knew who he was. His name was William. "Goodevening, madam," he said to my grandmother. "Where is the little gentleman tonight?""He's not feeling very well," my grandmother said. "He's staying in his room.""I'm sorry to hear that," William said. "Today there is green-pea soup to start with, and for themain course you have a choice of either grilled fillet of sole or roast lamb.""Pea soup and lamb for me, please," my grandmother said. "But don't hurry it, William. I'm inno rush tonight. In fact, you can bring me a glass of dry sherry first.""Of course, madam," William said, and he went away.
My grandmother pretended she had dropped something, and as she bent down, she slid me outfrom under the napkin on to the floor under the table. "Go, darling, go!" she whispered, then shestraightened up again.
I was on my own now. I stood clasping the little bottle. I knew exactly where the door into thekitchen was. I had to go about halfway round the enormous Dining-Room to reach it. Here goes, Ithought, and like a flash I skittled out from under the table and made for the wall. I had no intentionof going across the Dining-Room floor. It was far too risky. My plan was to cling close to the skirtingof the wall all the way round until I reached the kitchen door.
I ran. Oh, how I ran. I don't think anyone saw me. They were all too busy eating. But to reachthe door leading to the kitchen I had to cross the main entrance to the Dining-Room. I was just aboutto do this when in poured a great flood of females. I pressed myself against the wall clutching thebottle. At first I saw only the shoes and ankles of these women who were surging in through the door,but when I glanced up a bit higher I knew at once who they were. They were the witches coming into dinner!
I waited until they had all passed me by, then I dashed on towards the kitchen door. A waiteropened it to go in. I nipped in after him and hid behind a big garbage-bin on the floor. I stayed therefor several minutes, just listening to all the talk and the racket. By golly, what a place that kitchenwas! The noise! And the steam! And the clatter of pots and pans! And the cooks all shouting! Andthe waiters all rushing in and out from the Dining-Room yelling the food orders to the cooks! "Foursoups and two lambs and two fish for table twenty-eight! Three apple-pies and two strawberry ice-creams for number seventeen!" Stuff like that going on all the time.
Not far above my head there was a handle sticking out from the side of the garbage-bin. Stillclutching the bottle, I gave a leap, turned a somersault in the air, and caught hold of the handle withthe end of my tail. Suddenly there I was swinging to and fro upside down. It was terrific. I loved it.
This, I told myself, is how a trapeze artist in a circus must feel as he goes swishing through the airhigh up in the circus tent. The only difference was that his trapeze could only swing backwards andforwards. My trapeze (my tail) could swing me in any direction I wanted. Perhaps I would become acircus mouse after all.
Just then, a waiter came in with a plate in his hand and I heard him saying, "The old hag ontable???????????????????????????????????????????????????fourteen says this meat is too tough! She wants anotherportion!" One of the cooks said, "Gimme her plate!" I dropped to the floor and peeped round thegarbage-bin. I saw the cook scrape the meat off the plate and slap another bit on. Then he said,"Come on boys, give her some gravy!" He carried the plate round to everyone in the kitchen and doyou know what they did? Every one of those cooks and kitchen-boys spat on to the old lady's plate!
"See how she likes it now!" said the cook, handing the plate back to the waiter.
Quite soon another waiter came in and he shouted, "Everyone in the big RSPCC party wantsthe soup!" That's when I started sitting up and taking notice. I was all ears now. I edged a bit fartherround the garbage-bin so that I could see everything that was going on in the kitchen. A man with atall white hat who must have been the head chef shouted, "Put the soup for the big party in the largersilver soup-tureen!"
I saw the head chef place a huge silver basin on to the wooden side-bench that ran along thewhole length of the kitchen against the opposite wall. Into that silver basin is where the soup isgoing, I told myself. So that's where the stuff in my little bottle must go as well.
I noticed that high up near the ceiling, above the side-bench, there was a long shelf crammedwith saucepans and frying-pans. If I can somehow clamber up on to that shelf, I thought, then I've gotit made. I shall be directly above the silver basin.
But first I must somehow get across to the other side of the kitchen and then up on to themiddle shelf. A great idea came to me! Once again, I jumped up and hooked my tail around thehandle of the garbage-bin. Then, hanging upside down, I began to swing. Higher and higher I swung.
I was remembering the trapeze artist in the circus I had seen last Easter and the way he had got thetrapeze swinging higher and higher and higher and had then let go and gone flying through the air. Sojust at the right moment, at the top of my swing, I let go with my tail and went soaring clear acrossthe kitchen and made a perfect landing on the middle shelf!
By golly, I thought, what marvellous things a mouse can do! And I'm only a beginner!
No one had seen me. They were all far too busy with their pots and pans. From the middleshelf I somehow managed to shinny up a little water-pipe in the corner, and in no time at all I was upon the very top shelf just under the ceiling, among all the saucepans and the frying-pans. I knew thatno one could possibly see me up there. It was a super position, and I began working my way alongthe shelf until I was directly above the big empty silver basin they were going to pour the soup into. Iput down my bottle. I unscrewed the top and crept to the edge of the shelf and quickly poured whatwas in it straight into the silver basin below. The next moment, one of the cooks came along with agigantic saucepan of steaming green soup and poured the whole lot into the silver basin. He put thelid on the basin and shouted, "Soup for the big party all ready to go out!" Then a waiter arrived andcarried the silver basin away.
I had done it! Even if I never got back alive to my grandmother, the witches were still goingto get the Mouse-Maker! I left the empty bottle behind a large saucepan and began working my wayback along the top shelf. It was much easier to move about without the bottle. I began using my tailmore and more. I swung from the handle of one saucepan to the handle of another all the way alongthat top shelf, while far below me cooks and waiters were all bustling about and kettles weresteaming and pans were spluttering and pots were boiling and I thought to myself, Oh boy, this is thelife! What fun it is to be a mouse doing an exciting job like this! I kept right on swinging. I swungmost marvellously from handle to handle, and I was enjoying myself so much that I completelyforgot I was in full view of anyone in the kitchen who might happen to glance upwards. What camenext happened so quickly I had no time to save myself. I heard a man's voice yelling, "A mouse Lookat that dirty little mouse!" And I caught a glimpse below me of a white-coated figure in a tall whitehat and then there was a flash of steel as the carving-knife whizzed through the air and there was ashoot of pain in the end of my tail and suddenly I was falling and falling head-first towards the floor.
Even as I fell, I knew just what had happened. I knew that the tip of my tail had been cut offand that I was about to crash on to the floor and everyone in the kitchen would be after me. "Amouse!" they were shouting. "A mouse! A mouse! Catch it quick!" I hit the floor and jumped up andran for my life. All around me there were big black boots going stamp stamp stamp and I dodgedaround them and ran and ran and ran, twisting and turning, and dodging and swerving across thekitchen floor. "Get it!" they were shouting. "Kill it! Stamp on it!"The Whole floor seemed to be fullof black boots stamping away at me and I dodged and swerved and twisted and turned and then insheer desperation, hardly knowing what I was doing, wanting only a place to hide, I ran up thetrouser-leg of one of the cooks and clung to his sock!
"Hey!" the cook shouted. "Jeepers creepers! He's gone up my trouser! Hold on, boys! I'll gethim this time!"
The man's hands began slap-slapping at the trouser-leg and now I really was going to getsmashed if I didn't move quickly. There was only one way to go and that was up. I dug my littleclaws into the hairy skin of the man's leg and scuttled upwards, higher and higher, past the calf andpast the knee and on to the thigh.
"Holy smoke!" the man was yelling. "It's going all the way up! It's going right up my leg!" Iheard shrieks of laughter coming from the other cooks but I can promise you I wasn't laughingmyself. I was running for my life. The man's hands were slap-slap-slapping all around me and he wasjumping up and down as though he was standing on hot bricks, and I kept climbing and I keptdodging and very soon I reached the very top of the trouser-leg and there was nowhere else to go.
"Help! Help! Help!" the man was screaming. "It's in my knickers! It's running round in myflaming knickers! Get it out! Someone help me to get it out!""Take off your trousers, you silly slob!" someone else shouted. "Pull down your pants andwe'll soon catch him!"
I was in the middle of the man's trousers now, in the place where the two trouser-legs meetand the zip begins. It was dark and awfully hot in there. I knew I had to keep going. I dashed onwardand found the top of the other trouser-leg. I went down it like greased lightning and came out at thebottom of it and once again I was on the floor. I heard the stupid cook still shouting, "It's in mytrousers! Get it out! Will somebody please help me to get it out before it bites me!" I caught aflashing glimpse of the entire kitchen staff crowding round him and laughing their heads off andnobody saw the little brown mouse as it flew across the floor and dived into a sack of potatoes.
I burrowed down in among the dirty potatoes and held my breath.
The cook must have started taking his trousers right off because now they were shouting, "It'snot in there! There's no mice in there, you silly twerp!""There was! I swear there was!" the man was shouting back. "You've never had a mouse inyour trousers! You don't know what it feels like!"The fact that a tiny little creature like me had caused such a commotion among a bunch ofgrown-up men gave me a happy feeling. I couldn't help smiling in spite of the pain in my tail.
I stayed where I was until I was sure they had forgotten about me. Then I crept out of thepotatoes and cautiously poked my tiny head over the edge of the sack. Once again the kitchen was allof a bustle with cooks and waiters rushing about everywhere. I saw the waiter who had come inearlier with the complaint about tough meat coming in again. "Hey boys!" he shouted. "I asked theold hag if the new bit of meat was any better and she said it was perfectly delicious! She said it wasreally tasty!"
I had to get out of that kitchen and back to my grandmother. There was only one way to dothis. I must make a dash clear across the floor and out through the door behind one of the waiters. Istayed quite still, watching for my chance. My tail was hurting terribly. I curled it round so as to havea look at it. About two inches of it were missing and it was bleeding quite a lot. There was a waiterloading up with a batch of plates full of pink ice-cream. He had a plate in each hand and two morebalanced on each arm. He went towards the door. He pushed it open with his shoulder. I leapt out ofthe sack of potatoes and went across that kitchen floor and into the Dining-Room like a streak oflight, and I didn't stop running until I was underneath my grandmother's table.
It was lovely to see my grandmother's feet again in those old-fashioned black shoes with theirstraps and buttons. I shinnied up one of her legs and landed on her lap. "Hello, Grandmamma!" Iwhispered. "I'm back! I did it! I poured it all into their soup!""Her hand came down and caressed me.?"Well done, my darling!" she whispered back. "Welldone you! They are at this very moment eating that soup!" Suddenly, she withdrew her hand. "You'rebleeding!" she whispered. "My darling, what's happened to you?""One of the cooks cut off my tail with a carving knife," I whispered back. "It hurts like billy-o."
"Let me look at it," she said. She bent her head and examined my tail. "You poor little thing,"she whispered. "I'm going to bandage it up with my handkerchief. That will stop the bleeding."She fished a small lace-edged handkerchief out of her bag and this she somehow managed towrap around the end of my tail. "You'll be all right now," she said. "Just try to forget about it. Didyou really manage to pour the whole bottle into their soup?""Every drop," I said. "Do you think you could put me where I can watch them?""Yes," she answered. "My handbag is on your own empty chair beside me. I'm going to popyou in there now and you can peep out as long as you are careful not to be seen. Bruno is there aswell, but take no notice of him. I gave him a roll to eat and that's keeping him busy for a while."Her hand closed around me and I was lifted off her lap and transferred to the handbag. "Hello,Bruno," I said.
"This is a great roll," he said, nibbling away in the bottom of the bag. "But I wish there wasbutter on it."
I peered over the top of the handbag. I could see the witches quite clearly sitting at their twolong tables in the centre of the room. They had finished their soup now, and the waiters were clearingaway the plates. My grandmother had lit up one of her disgusting black cigars and was puffing smokeover everything. All around us the summer holiday guests in this rather grand hotel were babblingaway and tucking into their suppers. About half of them were old people with walking-sticks, butthere were also plenty of families with a husband, a wife and several children. They were all well-to-do people. You had to be if you wanted to stay in the Hotel Magnificent.
"That's her, Grandmamma!" I whispered. "That's The Grand High Witch!""I know!" my grandmother whispered back. "She's the tiny one in black sitting at the head ofthe nearest table!"
She could kill anyone in this room with her white-hot sparks!""Look out!" my grandmother whispered. "The waiter's coming!"I popped down out of sight and I heard William saying, "Your roast lamb, madam. And whichvegetable would you like? Peas or carrots?"
"Carrots, please," my grandmother said. "But no potatoes."I heard the carrots being dished out. There was a pause. Then my grandmother's voice waswhispering, "It's all right. He's gone." I popped my head up again. "Surely no one will notice my littlehead sticking out like this?" I whispered.
"No," she answered. "I don't suppose they will. My problem is I've got to talk to you withoutmoving my lips."
"You're doing beautifully," I said.
"I've counted the witches," she said. "There aren't nearly as many as you thought. You werejust guessing, weren't you, when you said two hundred?""It just seemed like two hundred," I said.
"I was wrong, too," my grandmother said. "I thought there were a lot more witches than thisin England."
"How many are there?" I asked.
"Eighty-four," she said.
"There were eighty-five," I said. "But one of them got fried."At that moment, I caught sight of Mr Jenkins, Bruno's father, heading straight for our table.
"Look out, Grandmamma!" I whispered. "Here comes Bruno's father!"


在厨房里
“时间到了！”我姥姥说，“伟大的时刻到了！你准备好了吗，我的宝贝？”
现在正好七点半。布鲁诺在玻璃碗里就要吃完他的第四根香蕉了。“等一等，”他说，“只差几口。”
“不！”我姥姥说，“我们得走了！”她把他抓起来紧握在手里。她十分紧张。我以前还没有见过她这副样子。“我现在把你们两个放进我的手提包里，”她说，“但不扣上扣子。”她先把布鲁诺放进去。我抱着小瓶子等着。“现在是你，”她说着把我抓起来，吻吻我的鼻子，“祝你好运，我的宝贝。噢，你知道你有一条尾巴吧？”
“一条什么？”我说。
“一条尾巴，一条弯弯的长尾巴。”
“说实在话，我倒没想到过，”我说，“天啊，我是有一条尾巴！我现在看到它了！我还能摆动它呢！它真棒，对吗？”
“我提到它，只是因为你在厨房里攀爬时可能用得着它，”我姥姥说，“你能把它卷起来，用它钩住东西，这样就能摇晃身体，并从高处跳到地面。”
“我真希望早知道这一点，”我说，“这样我就可以练习练习怎么使用它了。”
“现在来不及啦，”我姥姥说，“我们得走了。”她把我放进手提包里，让我和布鲁诺待在一起。我照旧马上钻进边上的小袋里，好把头伸出来看周围的情况。
我姥姥拿起她的手杖，走到外面的走廊上，到电梯那儿去。她按了按钮，电梯上来后，她进了电梯。电梯里没别人。
“听着，”她说，“一到餐厅，我就不能和你多说话了。我要是说话，别人会以为我疯了，在自言自语。”
电梯来到底层，一震就停下了。我姥姥走出电梯，穿过旅馆前厅，走进餐厅。这是个大房间，天花板上描着金，周围的墙上嵌着大镜子。客人总是预先订好座位，大多数人已经坐定开始吃晚饭了。侍者们端着盘子来来去去，忙个不停。我们的桌子很小，在餐厅中间，靠右边的墙。我姥姥一路走到那里，坐下来。
我把头从手提包里伸出来，看到房间正中央有两排长桌，还没有人。每张长桌上有一张名片夹在一个银底座上，上面写着：防止虐待儿童王家协会会员订。
我姥姥看看那两张长桌，没说什么。她打开餐巾，铺在膝盖上的手提包上。她的手伸到餐巾底下，轻轻地抓住我。她用餐巾盖着我，把我举到脸旁，悄悄地说：“我要把你放到桌子底下去了。桌布几乎遮到地面，因此没有人会看见你的。你抱着瓶子了吗？”
“是的，”我悄悄地回答，“我准备好了，姥姥。”
这时候一个穿黑衣服的侍者走过来，站在我们的桌子旁边。我从餐巾底下看到了他的腿，一听声音我就分辨出他是谁了。他叫威廉。“你好，太太，”他对我的姥姥说，“你那位小少爷今晚在哪里呀？”
“他不大舒服，”我姥姥说，“他留在了他的房间里。”
“真遗憾，”威廉说，“今晚有青豆汤，供挑选的主菜有炸鳎鱼排和烤羊肉。”
“请给我青豆汤和烤羊肉吧，”我姥姥说，“但不用快上，威廉。今晚我没事。你可以先给来一杯干雪利酒。”
“当然，太太。”威廉说着走了。
我姥姥装作掉了什么东西，弯下腰去，把我从餐巾底下放到桌下的地板上。“去吧，宝贝，去吧。”她轻轻地说。然后她重新坐好。
现在全靠我自己了。我抱着小瓶子站起来。我很清楚通往厨房的门在哪里。我得绕过大半个餐厅才能到那里。我想，我从这边走，像闪电一样从桌子底下跑到墙边。我不想穿过餐厅。那太危险了。我的打算是沿墙边绕到厨房门那儿。
我跑了起来。噢，我是怎样拼命地跑啊。我觉得没有人看见我，他们正忙着吃饭。但到厨房门得经过餐厅正门。我正要过去，一大群女人像洪水般拥了进来。我抱紧瓶子紧挨墙边。起先我只看到像潮水般进门的那些女人的鞋子和脚踝，但当我把头抬起一点看时，我马上看到她们是谁了。正是女巫们来赴晚宴！
我等到她们都走完，然后向厨房门冲过去。一个侍者正开门进厨房，我紧跟着进去了，躲在一个大垃圾桶后面。我躲了几分钟，竖起耳朵细听所有的谈话。天啊，厨房是怎么个地方啊！喧闹！热气腾腾！盘子和锅乒乒乓乓！厨师全都在大叫大嚷！侍者们匆匆忙忙进出餐厅，向厨师们喊叫点的菜名！“二十八号台四个汤、两个羊肉、两个鱼！十七号台两个苹果馅饼、两个草莓冰淇淋！”有关这一类东西的喊叫声不绝于耳。
离我头顶不远，从垃圾桶边上伸出个把手。我抱着瓶子猛一跳，来个大空翻，用尾巴抓住了那个把手。我的身子猛然间已经倒过来，在来回摇晃。真可怕。但我喜欢这样。我对自己说：空中飞人演员在杂技棚高处摇晃一定就是这种感觉。唯一不同的是，他的高秋千只能前后摇动，而我的高秋千（我的尾巴）却能随意往任何方向摇。也许我能成为一只演杂技的老鼠。
就在这时候，一个侍者托着一个盘子走进来，我听见他说：“十四号台的老妖婆说这肉太老了！她要换一块！”一个厨师说：“把她的盘子给我！”我落到地板上，从垃圾桶后面偷看。
我看见厨师把盘子里的肉铲掉，另换了一块。接着他说：“来吧伙计们，给她点儿肉汁！”他把盘子向厨房里的人一个个递上去。你们知道他们在干什么吗？每个厨师和厨房小伙计都在往盘子里吐口水！“现在看她喜欢不喜欢！”厨师说着把盘子还给侍者。
很快又进来一个侍者，叫道：“现在‘防止虐待儿童王家协会’宴会上的人都要上汤！”这时候我开始警觉起来。现在我竖起了耳朵。我从垃圾桶后面又挪出来一点，看到了厨房里的所有情形。一个戴白高帽的人—他一定是厨师长—叫道：“用大银汤锅放宴会上用的汤！”
我看见那个厨师长把一个有盖的大银汤锅放在沿着墙从厨房这一头直到那一头的长木桌上。我对自己说：汤就要倒在那个银汤锅里。那也就是我瓶子里的东西必须倒进去的地方。
我看到在长桌上面靠近天花板的地方有一个长架子，上面堆满了深锅和平底锅。我想，如果能爬上那架子，我就成功了。我将直接到达那银汤锅的上面。
但我必须先到厨房另一边，然后上架子。我有了个好主意！我又一次跳起来，用尾巴钩住垃圾桶的把手。接着我倒悬着，开始摇晃，越摇越高。我还记得上一个复活节在马戏班看空中飞人时，演员越摇越高，越摇越高，最后放手飞过空中。我现在也越摇越高，越摇越高，到了最高处我放开尾巴，飞过厨房，正好落在中间的那层架子上！
天啊，我暗想，一只老鼠能做出多么了不起的事啊！而我还只是个新手！
没有人看见我。他们太忙于他们的锅盘了。我从中间一层架子上爬上边上的一根小水管，转眼间我已经到了就在天花板下的最高一层架子上，躲在那些深锅和平底锅之间。我知道，我在这上面没有人能看见我。这是一个最佳位置。我开始沿着架子一直走到他们准备用来盛汤的大银空锅上方。我放下瓶子，旋开瓶盖，爬到架子边，很快地把瓶里的东西一直倒进下面的银汤锅里。紧接着一个厨师拿着一大锅热气腾腾的绿颜色的汤过来，全倒在银汤锅里。他把银汤锅盖上，叫道：“宴会的汤可以上了！”接着侍者进来，把那银汤锅端走了。
我成功了！即使我不能活着回到我姥姥那里，那些女巫也会把变鼠药吃进去！我把空瓶留在一个大深锅后面，开始顺着架子往回走。没有了瓶子走起来容易多了。我开始越来越多地利用尾巴。在最高一层架子上，我从一个锅的长柄飞到另一个锅的长柄。
这时下面的厨师和侍者正忙得不可开交，水壶在冒气，煎锅劈劈啪啪响，深锅在沸腾，我心里说：噢，这才是生活啊！做一只老鼠，干如此令人兴奋的大事多么有劲！我继续摇啊摇。我用最出色的技巧从一个长柄荡到另一个长柄。我太得意了，完全忘记了厨房里只要有人抬头就会看见我。接下来发生的事来得如此快，我根本来不及逃命。我听到有人叫道：“老鼠！看那肮脏的小老鼠！”我低头看见一个穿白衣戴白高帽的人，接着白光一闪，一把菜刀飞过空中，我的尾巴尖一阵剧痛，我一个倒栽葱向下面的地板落下来了。
就在落下来的时候，我明白出什么事情了。我知道我的尾巴尖被砍断了，我这就要啪嗒落到地板上，厨房里所有的人都要来追我。“老鼠！”他们在叫，“一只老鼠！一只老鼠！快捉住它！”我一碰到地就跳起来逃生。我周围许多黑色的大靴子嗵嗵嗵地在地上跺。我绕开它们逃啊逃，转来转去，躲来躲去，绕着厨房地板乱跑。“捉住它！”他们在叫，“杀死它！踩死它！”整个地板好像都是要踩我的黑靴子。我就这样绝望地躲来躲去，转来转去，简直不知道我在干什么，只想找个地方藏起来。最后我跑到一个厨师的裤腿里面，抓住他的袜子悬在那里！
“嘿！”那厨师叫道，“它爬进了我的裤子！别动，伙计们！这一回我要逮住它了！”
那人的手开始拍打裤腿，如果我不赶紧逃走，这回我准要被打扁了。如今只有一个办法，那就是继续往上逃。我用我的小爪子抓住那人腿上毛茸茸的皮肤往上爬，越爬越高，过了小腿，过了膝盖，到了大腿。
“天啊！”那人大叫，“它在我身上往上爬！它爬上了我的大腿！”我听见其他的厨师哈哈大笑，但我向你们保证，我自己一点也笑不出来。我在逃生。那人的手在我周围拍着，他乱蹦乱跳，像是站在滚烫的砖上。我一个劲地躲来躲去直向上爬，很快来到裤腿最上面的地方，裤腿到头了。
“救命啊！救命啊！救命啊！”那人哇哇大叫，“它在我的衬裤里乱跑！把它弄出去！什么人来帮帮我，把它弄出去！”
“脱掉裤子吧，你这傻瓜！”有人叫道，“把你的衬裤脱下来，我们马上就捉到它了！”
如今我在那人的长裤中间，在两条裤腿结合的地方，裤子的前拉链就从那里开始。那里又黑又热。我知道我得继续逃。我向前跳，来到另一条裤腿的上部。我像闪电一样又往下跑。我跑到底下重新来到地板上。我听见那个笨厨师还在叫：“它在我的裤子里！把它弄出去！谁来帮帮我，趁它还没有咬我，快把它弄出去吧！”我瞥了一眼，看到全厨房的人都在围着他哈哈大笑，没有人看到我这只小棕鼠已经跑过地板，钻到一袋土豆里去了。
我钻到肮脏的土豆中间，屏住了呼吸。
那厨师一定已经脱掉裤子，因为现在他们大叫：“它不在里面！里面没有老鼠，你这傻瓜蛋！”
“有过的！我发誓有过的！”那人大声反驳道，“你们从来没碰到过有一只老鼠在你们的裤子里！你们不知道那是什么滋味！”
像我这样一只小东西能使一大群大人如此骚乱，我感到十分得意。尽管尾巴痛，我还是不由得笑起来。
我在那袋土豆里一直待着，直到我断定他们已经把我忘记了为止。然后我从土豆堆里爬出来，把我的头小心地伸出袋口。厨房里如今又是厨师和侍者到处跑来跑去。我看到早些时候进来说肉太老的侍者又进来了。“喂，伙计们！”他叫道，“我问那老妖婆重新给她的肉是不是好些，她说好吃极了！她说味道的确不错！”
我得溜出厨房回我姥姥那里去了。只有一个办法：我必须跑过厨房地板，跟着一个侍者钻出厨房门。我一动不动地等待机会。我的尾巴痛得厉害。我把它卷起来看了看，短了大约两英寸，还流了不少血。一个侍者端着好几碟粉红色的冰淇淋，两只手各拿一碟，两只手臂上平稳地各放两碟。他向门走去，用肩头把门顶开。我连忙从那袋土豆上跳下来，像道光一样飞快地跑过厨房地板冲进餐厅，一直跑到我姥姥的桌子底下才停下来。
重新看到姥姥穿着有鞋带和鞋扣的老式黑皮鞋的脚，那真是太高兴了。我爬上她的一条腿，蹲在她的膝盖上。“你好，姥姥！”我悄悄说，“我回来了！我成功了！我把药全倒在她们的汤里了！”
她把手放下来抚摸我。“干得好，我的宝贝！”她悄悄地回答，“你干得好！她们这会儿正在喝汤！”她忽然把手缩回去，“你在流血！”她悄悄地说，“我的宝贝，你出什么事了？”
“一个厨师用菜刀斩断了我的尾巴，”我悄悄地回答，“痛极了。”
“让我看看。”她说着低头看我的尾巴。“你这可怜的小东西，”她悄悄地说，“我来用手绢把它包扎好。这样血就不流了。”
她从手提包里拿出一块花边小手绢，把我的尾巴包扎好。“现在没事了，”她说，“你就把它忘了吧。你当真把整瓶东西都倒到她们的汤里去了吗？”
“每一滴都倒进去了，”我说，“你能把我放在能让我看到她们的地方吗？”
“当然，”她回答说，“我的手提包放在我身边的那把空椅子上。现在我把你放到包里去，你可以随意探出头看，只要不被人看见就行。布鲁诺也在那里，但别理他。我给了他一个面包卷，够他忙的。”
她的手抓住我，我离开了她的膝盖到了手提包里。“你好，布鲁诺。”我说。
“这个面包卷真好吃，”他在手提包底下啃着，“不过我希望是有牛油的。”
我从手提包上面探出头来向外看。我清楚地看到那些女巫坐在房间中央的两张长条桌旁边。她们现在已经把汤喝完，侍者们正在把汤盘端走。我姥姥已经点着一支她那种难闻的黑雪茄，向四周吐着烟。在我们周围，住在这个豪华旅馆里度暑假的客人们在谈天，吃着晚饭。他们半数是用手杖的老人，但也有不少是全家来的：丈夫、妻子和几个孩子。他们都是富人。想住这家华丽的旅馆就得是富人。
“那就是她，姥姥！”我悄悄说，“那就是女巫大王！”
“我知道！”我姥姥悄悄回答，“就是穿黑裙子的那个小个子女人，坐在靠近这边那张长桌的头上的！”
“她能杀死你！”我悄悄说，“她能用她那白热的火花杀死这房间里的任何一个人！”
“小心！”我姥姥悄悄说，“侍者来了！”
我把头缩进手提包，听见威廉说：“你的烤羊肉来了，太太。你喜欢什么蔬菜？青豆还是胡萝卜？”
“胡萝卜，谢谢，”我姥姥说，“不要青豆。”
我听见把胡萝卜拨到盘子里的声音。沉默片刻，接着我姥姥的声音又悄悄地响起来：“好了，他走了。”我重新把头探出来。“我这样探出头，肯定不会有人看见的。”我悄声说道。
“不会，”她回答说，“我想不会。我的问题是我和你说话得不动嘴唇。”
“你干得很漂亮。”我说。
“我把女巫数过了，”她说，“没有你想得那么多。你说两百个是猜想的吧？”
“只是好像两百个。”我说。
“我也错了，”我姥姥说，“我以为英国的女巫总数要比这多得多。”
“这里一共多少？”我问道。
“八十四个。”她说。
“那么总数应该是八十五个，”我说，“有一个给火化了。”
这时候我看到布鲁诺的父亲詹金斯先生向我们的桌子走过来。“小心，姥姥，”我悄悄地说，“布鲁诺的爸爸来了！”
Mr Jenkins and His Son 詹金斯先生和他的儿子
Mr Jenkins and His Son
Mr Jenkins came striding up to our table with a very purposeful look on his face.
"Where is that grandson of yours?" he said to my grandmother. He spoke rudely and lookedvery angry.
My grandmother put on her frostiest look, but didn't answer him.
"My guess is that he and my son Bruno are up to some devilment," Mr Jenkins went on.
"Bruno?hasn't turned up for his supper and it takes a lot to make that boy miss his food!""I must admit he has a very healthy appetite," my grandmother said.
"My feeling is that you're in on this as well," Mr Jenkins said. "I don't know who the devilyou are and I don't much care, but you played a nasty trick on me and my wife this afternoon. Youput a dirty little mouse on the table. That makes me think all three of you are up to something. So ifyou know where Bruno's hiding, kindly tell me at once.""That was no trick I played on you," my grandmother said. "That mouse I tried to give youwas your own little boy, Bruno. I was being kind to you. I was trying to restore him to the bosom ofhis family. You refused to take him in."
"What the blazes do you mean, madam?" shouted Mr Jenkins. "My son isn't a mouse!" Hisblack moustache was jumping up and down like crazy as he spoke. "Come on, woman! Where is he?
Out with it!"
The family at the table nearest to us had all stopped eating and were staring at Mr Jerkins. Mygrandmother sat there puffing away calmly at her black cigar. "I can well understand your anger, MrJerkins," she said. "Any other English father would be just as cross as you are. But over in Norwaywhere I come from, we are quite used to these sort of happenings. We have learnt to accept them aspart of everyday life."
"You must be mad, woman!" cried Mr Jerkins. "Where is Bruno? If you don't tell me at once Ishall summon the police!"
"Bruno is a mouse," my grandmother said, calm as ever.
"He most certainly is not a mouse!" shouted Mr Jerkins.
"Oh yes I am!" Bruno said, poking his head up out of the handbag.
Mr Jerkins leapt about three feet into the air.
"Hello, Dad," Bruno said. He had a silly sort of mousy grin on his face.
Mr Jenkins's mouth dropped open so wide I could see the gold fillings in his back teeth.
"Don't worry, Dad," Bruno went on. "It's not as bad as all that. Just so long as the cat doesn'tget me."
"B-B-Bruno!" stammered Mr Jenkins.
"No more school!" said Bruno, grinning a broad and asinine mouse-grin. "No morehomework! I shall live in the kitchen cupboard and feast on raisins and honey!""B-b-but B-B-Bruno!" stammered Mr Jenkins again. "H-how did this happen?" The poor manhad no wind left in his sails at all.
"Witches," my grandmother said. "The witches did it.""I can't have a mouse for a son!" shrieked Mr Jenkins.
"You've got one," my grandmother said. "Be nice to him, Mr Jenkins.""Mrs Jerkins will go crazy!" yelled Mr Jerkins. "She can't stand the things!""She'll just have to get used to him," my grandmother said. "I hope you don't keep a cat in thehouse."
"We do! We do!" cried Mr Jerkins. "Topsy is my wife's favourite creature!""Then you'll just have to get rid of Topsy," my grandmother said. "Your son is moreimportant than your cat."
"He certainly is!" Bruno shouted from inside the handbag. "You tell Mum she's got to get ridof Topsy before I go home!"
By now half the Dining-Room was watching our little group. Knives and forks and spoonshad been put down and all over the place heads were turning round to stare at Mr Jerkins as he stoodthere spluttering and shouting. They couldn't see either Bruno or me and they were wondering whatall the fuss was about.
"By the way," my grandmother said, "would you like to know who did this to him?" Therewas a mischievous little smile on her face and I could see that she was about to get Mr Jerkins intotrouble.
"Who?" he cried. "Who did it?"
"That woman over there," my grandmother said. "The small one in a black dress at the headof the long table."
"She's RSPCC!" cried Mr Jerkins. "She's the Chairwoman!""No, she's not," my grandmother said. "She's The Grand High Witch Of All The World.""You mean she did it, that skinny little woman over there!" shouted Mr Jenkins, pointing ather with a long finger. "By gad, I'll have my lawyers on to her for this! I'll make her pay through thenose!"
"I wouldn't do anything rash," my grandmother said to him. "That woman has magic powers.
She might decide to turn you into something even sillier than a mouse. A cockroach perhaps.""Turn me into a cockroach!" shouted Mr Jenkins, puffing out his chest. "I'd like to see hertry!" He swung around and started marching across the Dining-Room towards The Grand HighWitch's table. My grandmother and I watched him. Bruno had jumped up on to our table and was alsowatching his father. Practically everyone in the Dining-Room was watching Mr Jenkins now. I stayedwhere I was, peeping out of my grandmother's handbag. I thought it might be wiser to stay put.

詹金斯先生和他的儿子
詹金斯先生大步向我们的桌子走来，脸上带着一副来找事的表情。
“你的外孙呢？”他问我的姥姥，口气粗鲁，一脸非常生气的样子。
我姥姥冷若冰霜，没有回答他。
“我猜想他和我的儿子布鲁诺在搞什么恶作剧，”詹金斯先生说下去，“布鲁诺没来吃晚饭，有东西吃他是绝不会错过的！”
“我必须承认他的胃口极好。”我姥姥说。
“我觉得你也参与了这场恶作剧，”詹金斯先生说，“我不知道你是谁，也不想知道，但你今天傍晚作弄过我和我的妻子。你把一只肮脏的小老鼠放在桌子上。这使我认为你们三个想要搞什么恶作剧。如果你知道布鲁诺藏在哪里，请你马上告诉我。”
“我根本没有作弄你，”我姥姥说，“我想给你的那只老鼠正是你的儿子布鲁诺。我对你很好。我是想把他送还给你们，好让你们合家团聚，但是你却拒绝接收他。”
“你这是什么意思啊，太太？”詹金斯先生叫道，“我的儿子不是老鼠！”他说话时，他的黑色小胡子又上下跳个不停，“说吧，老太婆！他在哪里？说出来吧！”
离我们桌子最近的一家人停下吃饭，看着詹金斯先生。我姥姥坐在那里安详地吸着她的黑雪茄。“你这样生气我很理解，詹金斯先生，”她说，“英国任何一位父亲都会和你一样生气的。但在挪威——我是从那儿来的，这种事我们早已司空见惯了。我们已经学会了接受这种事实，它犹如日常生活中的一部分。”
“你一定疯了，老太婆！”詹金斯先生叫道，“布鲁诺在哪里？如果你不马上告诉我，我就叫警察了！”
“布鲁诺是一只老鼠。”我姥姥照旧镇静地说。
“他绝不是一只老鼠！”詹金斯先生叫道。
“噢，是的，我是一只老鼠！”布鲁诺从手提包里伸出他的头来说。
詹金斯先生当场跳了三英尺高。
“你好，爸爸。”布鲁诺说。他脸上露出老鼠傻笑的样子。
詹金斯先生张大了嘴，大得我都能看见他嘴里用金子补过的后牙。
“别担心，爸爸，”布鲁诺说下去，“根本不怎么坏。只要不让猫捉到我就行了。”
“布……布……布鲁诺！”詹金斯先生结结巴巴地说。
“不用再上学了！”布鲁诺露出更傻乎乎的老鼠笑容，“不用再做家庭作业了！我将待在厨房食品柜里大吃葡萄干和蜜糖！”
“不……不……不过布……布……布鲁诺！”詹金斯先生又结结巴巴地说起来，“这……这到底是怎么回事？”那个可怜的人完全要瘫倒了。
“是那些女巫，”我姥姥说，“是那些女巫干的坏事。”
“我不能要一只老鼠做儿子！”詹金斯先生叫道。
“但你已经有了一只，”我姥姥说，“要好好地待他，詹金斯先生。”
“詹金斯太太会发疯的！”詹金斯先生说，“她受不了这玩意儿！”
“她得习惯和他相处，”我姥姥说，“我希望你家没养猫。”
“我们养了！我们养了！”詹金斯先生叫道，“托普西是我妻子最爱的宠物！”
“那你们只好把托普西送掉，”我姥姥说，“你们的儿子比你们的猫重要。”
“当然是这样！”布鲁诺在手提包里叫道，“你告诉妈妈，在我回家以前，她得把托普西送掉！”
现在半个餐厅的人正朝我们这边看着，刀叉都放下了，头都转过来看着詹金斯先生站在这里唾沫四溅地大叫。他们看不见布鲁诺和我，只是奇怪这儿的人在吵什么。
“再说，”我姥姥说，“你想知道是谁把他变成老鼠的吗？”她脸上露出一丝调皮的微笑，我看到她正要使詹金斯先生陷入困境。
“是谁？”他叫道，“是谁干的？”
“那边那个女人，”我姥姥说，“那个穿黑裙子的小个子女人，坐在长桌头上的。”
“她是‘防止虐待儿童王家协会’的人！”詹金斯先生叫道，“她是会长！”
“不，她不是的，”我姥姥说，“她是全世界的女巫大王。”
“你是说这是她干的，那边那个瘦小的女人？”詹金斯先生用中指指着她，“天啊，我要叫我的律师们为这件事控告她！我要找她算账！”
“我可不做任何莽撞的事，”我姥姥对他说，“那女人有魔法。她会把你变成比老鼠更糟糕的东西，也许是一只蟑螂。”
“把我变成一只蟑螂！”詹金斯先生气哼哼地大叫，“我倒想看着她试一试！”他猛一转身穿过餐厅，向女巫大王的桌子走去。我姥姥和我看着他。布鲁诺已经跳到我们的桌子上，也在看着他的爸爸。现在餐厅里每一个人都在看着詹金斯先生。我留在原处不动，从我姥姥的手提包里探头往外看。我想，待着不动或许是明智的。
The Triumph 胜利
The Triumph
Mr Jenkins had not gone more than a few paces towards The Grand High Witch's table whena piercing scream rose high above all the other noises in the room, and at the same moment I saw TheGrand High Witch go shooting up into the air!
Now she was standing on her chair, still screaming...
Now she was on the table-top, waving her arms...
"What on earth's happening, Grandmamma?"
"Wait!" my grandmother said. "Keep quiet and watch."Suddenly all the other witches, more than eighty of them, were beginning to scream and jumpup out of their seats as though spikes were being stuck into their bottoms. Some were standing onchairs, some were up on the tables and all of them were wiggling about and waving their arms in themost extraordinary manner.
Then, all at once, they became quiet.
Then they stiffened. Every single witch stood there as stiff and silent as a corpse.
The whole room became deathly still.
"They're shrinking, Grandmamma!" I said. "They're shrinking just like I did!""I know they are," my grandmother said.
"It's the Mouse-Maker!" I cried. "Look! Some of them are growing fur on their faces! Why isit??????????????????????????????????????????????????????working so quickly, Grandmamma?""I'll tell you why," my grandmother said. "Because all of them have had massive overdoses,just like you. It's thrown the alarm-clock right out of whack!"Everyone in the Dining-Room was standing up now to get a better view. People were movingcloser. They were beginning to crowd round the two long tables. My grandmother lifted Bruno andme up so that we wouldn't miss any of the fun. In her excitement, she jumped up on to her chair sothat she could see over the heads of the crowd.
In another few seconds, all the witches had completely disappeared and the tops of the twolong tables were swarming with small brown mice.
All over the Dining-Room women were screaming and strong men were turning white in theface and shouting, "It's crazy! This can't happen! Let's get the heck out of here quick!" Waiters wereattacking the mice with chairs and wine-bottles and anything else that came to hand. I saw a chef in atall white hat rushing out from the kitchen brandishing a frying-pan, and another one just behind himwas wielding a carving-knife above his head, and everyone was yelling, "Mice! Mice! Mice! Wemust get rid of the mice!" Only the children in the room were really enjoying it. They all seemed toknow instinctively that something good was going on right there in front of them, and they wereclapping and cheering and laughing like mad.
"It's time to go," my grandmother said. "Our work is done." She got down off her chair andpicked up her handbag and slung it over her arm.
She had me in her right hand and Bruno in her left.
"Bruno," she said, "the time has come to restore you to the famous bosom of your family.""My mum's not very crazy about mice," Bruno said.
"So I noticed," my grandmother said. "She'll just have to get used to you, won't she?"It was not difficult to find Mr and Mrs Jenkins. You could hear Mrs Jenkins's shrill voice allover the room. "Herbert!" it was screaming. "Herbert, get me out of here! There's mice everywhere!
They'll go up my skirts!" She had her arms high up around her husband and from where I was sheseemed to be swinging from his neck.
My grandmother advanced upon them and thrust Bruno into Mr Jenkins's hand. "Here's yourlittle boy," she said. "He needs to go on a diet.""Hi, Dad!" Bruno said. "Hi, Mum!"
Mrs Jenkins screamed even louder. My grandmother, with me in her hand, turned andmarched out of the room. She went straight across the hotel lobby and out through the front entranceinto the open air.
Outside it was a lovely warm evening and I could hear the waves breaking on the beach justacross the road from the hotel.
"Is there a taxi here?" my grandmother said to the tall doorman in his green uniform.
"Certainly, madam," he said, and he put two fingers into his mouth and blew a long shrillwhistle. I watched him with envy. For weeks I had been trying to whistle like that but I hadn'tsucceeded once. Now I never would.
The taxi came. The driver was an oldish man with a thick black drooping moustache. Themoustache hung over his mouth like the roots of some plant. "Where to, madam?" he asked.
Suddenly, he caught sight of me, a little mouse, nestling in my grandmother's hand. "Blimey!" hesaid. "What's that?"
"It's my grandson," my grandmother said. "Drive us to the station, please.""I always liked mice," the old taxi-driver said. "I used to keep 'undreds of 'em when I was aboy.?Mice is the fastest breeders in the world, did you know that, ma'am? So if 'ee's your grandson,then I reckon you'll be having a few great grandsons to go with 'im in a couple of weeks' time!""Drive us to the station, please," my grandmother said, looking prim.
"Yes, ma'am," he said. "Right away."
My grandmother got into the back of the taxi, and sat down and put me on her lap.
"Are we going home?" I asked her.
"Yes," she answered. "Back to Norway."
"Hooray!" I cried. "Oh, hooray, hooray, hooray!""I thought you'd like that," she said.
"But what about our luggage?"
"Who cares about luggage?" she said.
The taxi was driving through the streets of Bournemouth and this was the time of day whenthe pavements were crowded with holiday-makers all wandering about aimlessly with nothing to do.
"How are you feeling, my darling?" my grandmother said.
"Fine," I said. "Quite marvellous."
She began stroking the fur on the back of my neck with one finger. "We have accomplishedgreat feats today," she said.
"It's been terrific," I said. "Absolutely terrific."


胜利
可是詹金斯先生朝女巫大王的桌子还没走上几步，一阵刺耳的尖叫声压倒了餐厅里所有的喧闹声。就在这时候，我看见女巫大王蹦上了半空！
现在她站在她的椅子上面，还在尖叫……
现在她站在桌子上面，挥动双臂……
“出什么事啦，姥姥？”
“等一等！”我姥姥说，“别响，看着。”
忽然，所有八十多个女巫都开始尖叫，从座位上跳起来，好像屁股给钉子刺了。她们有一些站在椅子上面，有一些站在桌子上面，全都扭动身体，挥舞双臂，那样子古怪到了极点。
接着，忽然一下子，她们安静下来。
接着，她们僵住不动了。一个个女巫站在那里一动不动，一声不响，犹如一具具死尸。
整个餐厅里一片死寂。
“她们在缩小，姥姥！”我说，“她们就像我原先那样在缩小！”
“我知道。”我姥姥说。
“是变鼠药在起作用！”我叫道，“瞧！她们有些人的脸上在长毛了！为什么这么快就起作用啊，姥姥？”
“我来告诉你为什么，”我姥姥说，“因为她们全都吃了很大的剂量，就像你一样。这样闹钟就失灵了。”
现在餐厅里人人都站起来要看清楚些。人们越挤越近，开始围住那两张长桌。我姥姥把布鲁诺和我举起来，让我们不错过任何一点观看这有趣情景的机会。她太兴奋了，跳到了椅子上，好从大家的头顶上看过去。
在几秒钟内，所有的女巫完全不见了，在两张长桌上聚集着许多小棕鼠。
整个餐厅的女人在尖叫，强壮的男人脸色发白，也叫道：“真疯了！这是不可能的！我们快出去吧！”侍者们用椅子、酒瓶和任何拿得到的东西打老鼠。我看见戴白色高帽的厨师长拿着一个长柄煎锅从厨房里跑出来，后面跟着一个厨师高举着菜刀。大家大叫：“老鼠！老鼠！
老鼠！我们要消灭老鼠！”只有房间里的孩子们的确是兴高采烈。他们好像本能地知道，就在他们面前正在发生一件好事，于是鼓掌欢呼，哈哈大笑，像是疯了似的。
“该走了，”我姥姥说，“我们已经成功了。”她从椅子上下来，拿起她的手提包，挂在手臂上。她右手拿着我，左手拿着布鲁诺。“布鲁诺，”她说，“现在该把你送回去，让你全家团聚了。”
“我妈妈不太喜欢老鼠。”布鲁诺说。
“这个我注意到了，”我姥姥说，“但她还是得习惯和你相处，对吗？”
找到詹金斯先生和太太并不难。你们可以听到詹金斯太太的尖叫声响彻整个餐厅。“赫伯特！”她叫道，“赫伯特，把我带出去！这里到处是老鼠！它们会爬上我的裙子的！”她高举双臂抱着丈夫。从我的地方看过去，她好像要抱着她丈夫的脖子旋转似的。
我姥姥向他们走过去，把布鲁诺塞到詹金斯先生的手里。“你的儿子在这里，”她说，“他需要节节食。”
“你好，爸爸！”布鲁诺说，“你好，妈妈！”
詹金斯太太叫得更响了。我姥姥捧着我转身走出餐厅。她径直穿过旅馆前厅，出了大门来到外面。
外面是宜人的温暖的夜晚，我听到马路对面海浪冲击海滩的声音。
“这里有出租汽车吗？”我姥姥对穿绿色制服的高个看门人说。
“当然有，太太。”他说着把两个指头放到嘴里吹了长长的一声口哨。我很羡慕地看着他吹口哨。我曾经花了好几个星期想学会像他那样吹口哨，但一次也没有吹成功。现在我不可能吹了。
出租汽车来了。司机是个上了年纪的人，嘴唇上面挂着浓浓的两撇黑色八字胡，像是什么植物的根。“上哪儿去呀，太太？”他问道。忽然他看见了我—一只小老鼠—蜷伏在我姥姥的手上。“哎呀！”他说，“那是什么？”
“是我的小外孙。”我姥姥说，“请送我们到火车站。”
“我一向喜欢老鼠，”老出租汽车司机说，“我小时候常常一弄就是几百只。老鼠在世界上是繁殖最快的，你知道吗，太太？因此，如果它是你的外孙，那么我可以断定，两个星期你就可以有好几个曾外孙了！”
“请送我们上火车站。”我姥姥板着脸说。
“好的，太太，”他说，“这就去。”
我姥姥上了出租汽车后座，坐下来把我放在膝盖上。
“我们回家吗？”我问她。
“是的，”她回答说，“回挪威。”
“万岁！”我叫道，“噢，万岁！万岁！万岁！”
“我早知道你会喜欢回挪威去的。”她说。
“可是我们的行李怎么办？”
“谁在乎那些行李！”她说。
出租汽车穿过伯恩默思的街道。这个时候街上满是无所事事、漫无目的地闲逛着想要寻欢作乐的人。
“你觉得怎么样，我的宝贝？”我姥姥说。
“很好，”我说，“好极了。”
她开始用一个指头抚摸我后颈的毛。“我们今天完成了一项伟大的业绩。”她说。
“那真可怕，”我说，“可怕极了。”
The Heart of a Mouse 老鼠的心
The Heart of a Mouse
It was lovely to be back m Norway once again in my grandmother's fine old house. But nowthat I was so small, everything looked different and it took me quite a while to find my way around.
Mine was a world of carpets and table-legs and chair-legs and the little crannies behind large piecesof furniture. A closed door could not be opened and nothing could be reached that was on a table.
But after a few days, my grandmother began to invent gadgets for me in order to make life abit easier. She got a carpenter to put together a number of slim tall stepladders and she placed one ofthese against each table in the house so that I could climb up whenever I wanted to. She herselfinvented a wonderful door-opening device made out of wires and springs and pulleys, with heavyweights dangling on cords, and soon every door in the house had a door-opener on it. All I had to dowas to press my front paws on to a tiny wooden platform and hey presto, a spring would stretch and aweight would drop and the door would swing open.
Next, she rigged up an equally ingenious system whereby I could switch on the lightwhenever I entered a room at night. I cannot explain how it worked because I know nothing aboutelectricity, but there was a little button let into the floor near the door in every room in the house, andwhen I pressed the button gently with one paw, the light would come on. When I pressed it a secondtime, the light would go off again.
My grandmother made me a tiny toothbrush, using matchstick for the handle, and into this shestuck little bits of bristle that she had snipped off one of her hairbrushes. "You must not get any holesin your teeth," she said. "I can't take a mouse to a dentist! He'd think I was crazy!""It's funny," I said, "but ever since I became a mouse I've hated the taste of sweets andchocolate. So I don't think I'll get any holes.""You are still going to brush your teeth after every meal," my grandmother said. And I did.
For a bath-tub she gave me a silver sugar-basin, and I bathed in it every night before going tobed. She allowed no one else into the house, not even a servant or a cook. We kept entirely toourselves and we were very happy in each other's company.
One evening, as I lay on my grandmother's lap in front of the fire, she said to me, "I wonderwhat happened to that little Bruno."
"I wouldn't be surprised if his father gave him to the hall-porter to drown in the firebucket," Ianswered.
"I'm afraid you may be right," my grandmother said. "The poor little thing."We were silent for a few minutes, my grandmother puffing away at her black cigar while Idozed comfortably in the warmth.
"Can I ask you something, Grandmamma?" I said.
"Ask me anything you like, my darling."
"How long does a mouse live?"
"Ah," she said. "I've been waiting for you to ask me that."There was a silence. She sat there smoking away and gazing at the fire.
"Well," I said. "How long do we live, us mice?""I have been reading about mice," she said. "I have been trying to find out everything I canabout them."
"Go on then, Grandmamma. Why don't you tell me?
"If you really want to know," she said, "I'm afraid a mouse doesn't live for a very long time.""How long?" I asked.
"Well, an ordinary mouse only lives for about three years," she said. "But you are not anordinary mouse. You are a mouse-person, and that is a very different matter.""How different?" I asked. "How long does a mouse-person live, Grandmamma?""Longer," she said. "Much longer."
"How much longer?" I asked.
"A mouse-person will almost certainly live for three times as long as an ordinary mouse," mygrandmother said. "About nine years."
"Good!" I cried. "That's great! It's the best news I've ever had!""Why do you say that?" she asked, surprised.
"Because I would never want to live longer than you," I said. "I couldn't stand being lookedafter by anybody else."
There was a short silence. She had a way of fondling me behind the ears with the tip of onefinger. It felt lovely.
"How old are you, Grandmamma?" I asked.
"I'm eighty-six," she said.
"Will you live another eight or nine years?"
"I might," she said. "With a bit of luck."
"You've got to," I said. "Because by then I'll be a very old mouse and you'll be a very oldgrandmother and soon after that we'll both die together.""That would be perfect," she said.
I had a little doze after that. I just shut my eyes and thought of nothing and felt at peace withthe world.
"Would you like me to tell you something about yourself that is very interesting?" mygrandmother said.
"Yes please, Grandmamma," I said, without opening my eyes.
"I couldn't believe it at first, but apparently it's quite true," she said.
"What is it?" I asked.
"The heart of a mouse," she said, "and that means your heart, is beating at the rate of fivehundred times a minute! Isn't that amazing?"
"That's not possible," I said, opening my eyes wide.
"It's as true as I'm sitting here," she said. "It's a sort of a miracle.""That's nearly nine beats every second!" I cried, working it out in my head.
"Correct," she said. "Your heart is going so fast it's impossible to hear the separate beats. Allone hears is a soft humming sound."
She was wearing a lace dress and the lace kept tickling my nose. I had to rest my head on myfront paws.
"Have you ever heard my heart humming away, Grandmamma?" I asked her.
"Often," she said. "I hear it when you are lying very close to me on the pillow at night."The two of us remained silent in front of the fire for a long time after that, thinking aboutthese wonderful things.
"My darling," she said at last, "are you sure you don't mind being a mouse for the rest of yourlife?"
"I don't mind at all," I said. "It doesn't matter who you are or what you look like so long assomebody loves you."

老鼠的心
回到挪威，重新住到我姥姥舒适的老屋里，真是太好了。但现在我变得那么小，什么东西都变了样，过了好些日子我才习惯过来。我如今的世界是地毯、桌子腿、椅子腿、一件件大家具后面的冷僻小角落。门关上了我打不开，桌子上的东西我一样也够不到。
但是几天以后，我姥姥开始给我陆续想出了一些办法，让我生活得方便些。她叫来木匠做了几个细长梯子，屋里每张桌子旁边放一个，这样我要上桌子就可以爬梯子上去了。她还亲自发明了一个很出色的开门装置，材料是铁丝、弹簧和滑轮，有个很重的锤子吊在绳子上。屋内每扇门上很快便都装上了一个。我只是用前爪把一个活动的木头按钮一按，说时迟那时快，弹簧松开，锤子落下，门就打开了。
接着她发明了一个同样巧妙的装置，使我在夜间进房间时能随时开亮电灯。我没法告诉你们这装置是怎么做的，因为我对电这玩意儿一无所知，但屋里每个房间的每道门附近都有一个小按钮装在地板上，我只要用一个爪子把按钮轻轻按一下，灯就亮了，按第二次灯又灭掉。
我姥姥给我做了一个小牙刷，牙刷柄是火柴杆，在头上插上她从自己那把用来刷头发的刷子上拔下来的一些刷毛。“你的牙齿可不能有蛀洞，”她说，“我不能带你去看牙科医生！他会以为我疯了！”
“真滑稽，”我说，“自从变成老鼠以来，我一直讨厌糖果和巧克力的味道。因此我想，我的牙齿不会有蛀洞的。”
“但是你吃完饭还是得刷刷牙。”我姥姥说。我照办了。
她给我一个银质糖缸做洗澡盆，我每天晚上上床以前都洗个澡。她不让任何人进屋，仆人和厨师也不用。我们完全两个人过日子，相互做伴，其乐融融。
一天晚上，在炉火前面，我躺在我姥姥的膝盖上，她对我说：“我不知道小布鲁诺怎么样了。”
“即使他父亲把他交给看门人放到消防桶里去淹死，我也不会觉得奇怪。”我回答说。
“恐怕你说得对，”我姥姥说，“那可怜的小东西。”
我们沉默了几分钟。我姥姥吸着她的黑雪茄，我暖洋洋地舒舒服服打着盹。
“我可以问你个问题吗，姥姥？”我说。
“爱问什么就问吧，我的宝贝。”
“老鼠可以活多久？”
“啊，”她说，“我一直在等你问我这句话。”
一阵沉默。她坐在那里吸雪茄，看着炉火。
“你说呢，”我说，“我们老鼠可以活多久？”
“我正在读关于老鼠的书。”她说，“我想知道关于老鼠的所有事情。”
“那你说啊，姥姥。你为什么不告诉我？”
“如果你真想知道，”她说，“恐怕老鼠活不了很久。”
“有多久？”我问道。
“一只普通老鼠只活三年，”她说，“但你不是一只普通老鼠。你是一个老鼠人，这完全不同。”
“怎么不同？”我问道，“一个老鼠人可以活多久，姥姥？”
“很久，”她说，“年头长得多。”
“长多少？”我又问。
“一个老鼠人活的时间几乎可以肯定比一只普通老鼠长三倍，”我姥姥说，“大概是九年。”
“好！”我叫道，“好极了！这是我听到的最好的消息！”
“你为什么这样说？”她感到奇怪，问道。
“因为我不想活得比你久，”我说，“别人照顾我，我可受不了。”
又是短暂的沉默。她用一根手指的指尖抚弄我的耳背。我觉得很舒服。
“你多大岁数了，姥姥？”我问道。
“八十六岁。”她说。
“你会再活八九年吗？”
“会的，”她说，“只要运气好。”
“你得活，”我说，“因为到那时我将是只很老的老鼠，你是一位很老的姥姥。再过不久，我们就一起死掉。”
“那就功德圆满了。”她说。
说完这番话，我又打了一会儿盹。我只是闭上眼睛，什么也不想，便感到天下安宁。
“你想要我告诉你一件关于你的非常有趣的事吗？”我姥姥说。
“想，请你说吧，姥姥。”我闭着眼睛说道。
“起先我不相信，但这显然是真的。”她说。
“什么事啊？”我问道。
“老鼠的心，”她说，“也就是你的心，每分钟跳五百次！这不是很奇怪吗？”
“那不可能。”我睁大眼睛说。
“这和我这会儿坐在这里一样真实，”她说，“这是一个奇迹。”
“那就是每秒钟几乎跳九下！”我心算了一下后说道。
“正确。”她说，“你的心跳得这么快，不可能听到个别的一下一下心跳，只听到一片轻轻的嗡嗡声。”
她正穿着一件花边裙子，花边弄得我鼻子痒痒的。我只好把头靠在前爪上。
“你听到过我的心嗡嗡响吗，姥姥？”我问她。
“常听到，”她说，“夜里你在枕头上紧靠着我睡的时候，我听到的。”
然后我们两个在炉火前面沉默了很久，想着这些了不起的事情。
“我的宝贝，”她最后说，“你真不在乎以后一直做老鼠吗？”
“我根本不在乎，”我说，“只要有人爱你，你就不会在乎自己是什么，或者自己是什么样子。”
It's Off to Work We Go! 我们干吧
It's Off to Work We Go!
For supper that evening my grandmother had a plain omelette and one slice of bread. I had apiece of that brown Norwegian goats' milk cheese known as gjetost which I had loved even when Iwas a boy. We ate in front of the fire, my grandmother in her armchair and me on the table with mycheese on a small plate.
"Grandmamma," I said, "now that we have done away with The Grand High Witch, will allthe other witches in the world gradually disappear?""I'm quite sure they won't," she answered.
I stopped chewing and stared at her. "But they must!" I cried. "Surely they must!""I'm afraid not," she said.
"But if she's not there any longer how are they going to get all the money they need? Andwho is going to give them orders and jazz them up at the Annual Meetings and invent all their magicformulas for them?"
"When a queen bee dies, there is always another queen in the hive ready to take her place,"my grandmother said. "It's the same with witches. In the great Headquarters where The Grand HighWitch lives, there is always another Grand High Witch waiting in the wings to take over shouldanything happen."
"Oh no!" I cried. "That means everything we did was for nothing! Have I become a mouse fornothing at all?"
"We saved the children of England," she said. "I don't call that nothing.""I know, I know!" I cried. "But that's not nearly good enough! I felt sure that all the witches ofthe world would slowly fade away after we had got rid of their leader! Now you tell me thateverything is going to go on just the same as before!""Not exactly as before," my grandmother said. "For instance, there are no longer any witchesin England. That's quite a triumph, isn't it?""But what about the rest of the world?" I cried. "What about America and France and Hollandand Germany? And what about Norway?"
"You must not think I have been sitting back and doing nothing these last few days," she said.
"I have been giving a great deal of thought and time to that particular problem."I was looking up at her face when she said this, and all at once I noticed that a little secretsmile was beginning to spread slowly around her eyes and the corners of her mouth. "Why are yousmiling, Grandmamma?" I asked her.
"I have some rather interesting news for you," she said.
"What news?"
"Shall I tell it to you right from the beginning?""Yes please," I said. "I like good news."
She had finished her omelette, and I had had enough of my cheese. She wiped her lips with anapkin and said, "As soon as we arrived back in Norway, I picked up the telephone and made a callto England."
"Who in England, Grandmamma?"
"To the Chief of Police in Bournemouth, my darling. I told him I was the Chief of Police forthe whole of Norway and that I was interested in the peculiar happenings that had taken placerecently in the Hotel Magnificent."
"Now hang on a sec, Grandmamma," I said. "There's no way an English policeman is going tobelieve that you are the Head of the Norwegian Police.""I am very good at imitating a man's voice," she said. "Of course he believed me. Thepoliceman in Bournemouth was honoured to get a call from the Chief of Police for the whole ofNorway."
"So what did you ask him?"
"I asked him for the name and address of the lady who had been living in Room 454 in theHotel Magnificent, the one who disappeared."
"You mean The Grand High Witch!" I cried.
"Yes, my darling."
"And did he give it to you?"
"Naturally he gave it to me. One policeman will always help another policeman.""By golly, you've got a nerve, Grandmamma!"
"I wanted her address," my grandmother said.
"But did he know her address?"
"He did indeed. They had found her passport in her room and her address was in it. It was alsoin the hotel register. Everyone who stays in an hotel has to put a name and address in the book.""But surely The Grand High Witch wouldn't have put her real name and address in the hotelregister?" I said.
"Why ever not?" my grandmother said. "Nobody in the world had the faintest idea who shewas except the other witches. Wherever she went, people simply knew her as a nice lady. You, mydarling, and you alone, were the only non-witch ever to see her with her mask off. Even in her homedistrict, in the village where she lived, people knew her as a kindly and very wealthy Baroness whogave large sums of money to charity. I have checked up on that."I was getting excited now. "And that address you got, Grandmamma, that must have been thesecret Headquarters of The Grand High Witch.""It still is," my grandmother said. "And that will be where the new Grand High Witch iscertain to be living at this very moment with her retinue of special Assistant Witches. Importantrulers are always surrounded by a large retinue of assistants.""Where is her Headquarters, Grandmamma?" I cried. "Tell me quick where it is!""It is a Castle," my grandmother said. "And the fascinating thing is that in that Castle will beall the names and addresses of all the witches in the world! How else could a Grand High Witch runher business? How else could she summon the witches of the various countries to their AnnualMeetings?"
"Where is the Castle, Grandmamma?" I cried impatiently. "Which country? Tell me quick!""Guess," she said.
"Norway!" I cried.
"Right first time!" she answered. "High up in the mountains above a small village."This was thrilling news. I did a little dance of excitement on the table-top. My grandmotherwas getting pretty worked up herself and now she heaved herself out of her chair and began pacingup and down the room, thumping the carpet with her stick.
"So we have work to do, you and I!" she cried out. "We have a great task ahead of us! Thankheavens you are a mouse! A mouse can go anywhere! All I'll have to do is put you down somewherenear The Grand High Witch's Castle and you will very easily be able to get inside it and creep aroundlooking and listening to your heart's content!""I will! I will!" I answered. "No one will ever see me! Moving about in a big Castle will bechild's play compared with going into a crowded kitchen full of cooks and waiters!""You could spend days in there if necessary!" my grandmother cried. In her excitement shewas waving her stick all over the place, and suddenly she knocked over a tall and very beautiful vasethat went crashing on to the floor and smashed into a million pieces. "Forget it," she said. "It's onlyMing. You could spend weeks in that Castle if you wanted to and they'd never know you were there!
I myself would get a room in the village and you could sneak out of the Castle and have supper withme every night and tell me what was going on.""I could! I could!" I cried out. "And inside the Castle I could go snooping around simplyeverywhere!"
"But your main job, of course," my grandmother said, "would be to destroy every witch in theplace. That really would be the end of the whole organisation!""Me destroy them?" I cried. "How could I do that?""Can't you guess?" she said.
"Tell me," I said.
"Mouse-Maker!" my grandmother shouted. "Formula 86 Delayed Action Mouse-Maker allover again! You will feed it to everyone in the Castle by putting drops of it into their food! You doremember the recipe, don't you?"
"Every bit of it!" I answered. "You mean we're going to make it ourselves?""Why not?" she cried. "If they can make it, so can we! It's just a question of knowing whatgoes into it!"
"Who's going to climb up the tall trees to get the gruntles' eggs?" I asked her.
"I will!" she cried. "I'll do it myself! There's plenty of life in this old dog yet!""I think I'd better do that part of it, Grandmamma. You might come a cropper.""Those are just details!" she cried, waving her stick again. "We shall let nothing stand in ourway!"
"And what happens after that?" I asked her. "After the new Grand High Witch and everyoneelse in the Castle have been turned into mice?""Then the Castle will be completely empty and I shall come in and join you and...""Wait!" I cried. "Hold on, Grandmamma! I've just had a nasty thought!""What nasty thought?" she said.
"When the Mouse-Maker turned me into a mouse," I said, "I didn't become just any oldordinary mouse that you catch with mouse-traps. I became a talking thinking intelligent mouse-person who wouldn't go near a mouse-trap!"
My grandmother stopped dead in her tracks. She already knew what was coming next.
"Therefore," I went on, "if we use the Mouse-Maker to turn the new Grand High Witch andall the other witches in the Castle into mice, the whole place will be swarming with very clever, verynasty, very dangerous talking thinking mouse-witches! They'll all be witches in mouse's clothing.
And that", I added, "could be very horrible indeed.""By golly, you're right!" she cried. "That never occurred to me!""I couldn't possibly take on a castleful of mouse-witches," I said.
"Nor could I," she said. "They'd have to be got rid of at once. They'd have to be smashed andbashed and chopped up into little pieces exactly as they were in the Hotel Magnificent.""I'm not doing that," I said. "I couldn't anyway. I don't think you could either, Grandmamma.
And mouse-traps wouldn't be the slightest use. By the way," I added, "The Grand High Witch whodid me in was wrong about mouse-traps wasn't she?""Yes, yes," my grandmother said impatiently. "But I'm not concerned with that Grand HighWitch. She's been chopped up long ago by the hotel chef. It's the new Grand High Witch we've got todeal with now, the one up in the Castle, and all her assistants. A Grand High Witch is bad enoughwhen she's disguised as a lady, but just think of what she could do if she were a mouse! She could goanywhere!"
"I've got it!" I shouted, leaping about a foot in the air. "I've got the answer!""Tell me!" my grandmother snapped.
"The answer is CATS!" I shouted. "Bring on the cats!"My grandmother stared at me. Then a great grin spread over her face and she shouted, "It'sbrilliant! Absolutely brilliant!"
"Shove half-a-dozen cats into that Castle," I cried, "and they'll kill every mouse in the place infive minutes, I don't care how clever they are!""You're a magician!" my grandmother shouted, starting to wave her stick about once again.
"Look out for the vases, Grandmamma!"
"To heck with the vases!" she shouted. "I'm so thrilled I don't care if I break the lot!""Just one thing," I said. "You've got to make absolutely sure I'm well out of the way myselfbefore you put the cats in."
"That's a promise," she said.
"What will we do after the cats have killed all the mice?" I asked her.
"I'll take all the cats back to the village and then you and I will have the Castle completely toourselves."
"And then?" I said.
"Then we shall go through the records and get the names and addresses of all the witches inthe whole wide world!"
"And after that?" I said, quivering with excitement.
"After that, my darling, the greatest task of all will begin for you and me! We shall pack ourbags and go travelling all over the world! In every country we visit, we shall seek out the houseswhere the witches are living! We shall find each house, one by one, and having found it, you willcreep inside and leave your little drops of deadly Mouse-Maker in the bread, or the cornflakes, or therice-pudding or whatever food you see lying about. It will be a triumph, my darling! A colossalunbeatable triumph. We shall do it entirely by ourselves, just you and me! That will be our work forthe rest of our lives!"
My grandmother picked me up off the table and kissed me on the nose. "Oh, my goodness me,we're going to be busy these next few weeks and months and years!" she cried.
"I think we are," I said. "But what fun and excitement it's going to be!""You can say that again!" my grandmother cried, giving me another kiss. "I can't wait to getstarted!"


我们干吧
那天晚上，我姥姥晚饭吃的是一盘煎蛋饼和一片面包。我吃的是一片叫做“杰托斯特”的挪威羊奶干酪。我还是个男孩的时候就爱吃这种干酪。我们在炉火前吃晚饭，姥姥坐在她那把扶手椅上，我坐在桌子上。我的干酪用小碟子盛着。
“姥姥，”我说，“现在我们把女巫大王干掉了，世界上所有的其他女巫将渐渐消失吗？”
“我完全可以肯定她们不会消失。”她回答说。
我停下来，看着她。“但她们必须消失！”我叫道，“一定得消失！”
“恐怕不能。”她说。
“但她既然不再存在，她们怎么弄到她们需要的钱呢？谁给她们发指示，召集她们开年会，并且为她们发明所有她们那些配方呢？”
“一只蜂后死了，蜂窝里自会有另一只蜂取代它，”我姥姥说，“女巫也是这样。在女巫大王那个总部里，总是另有一个女巫大王等着发生事情时接班。”
“噢，不！”我叫道，“这么说，我们做的一切事情都只是白费劲！结果我是白白地变成了老鼠！”
“我们救了英国的小朋友，”她说，“我不认为这是白费劲。”
“我知道，我知道！”我叫道，“但这不够！我本以为我们消灭了全世界女巫的头，她们会慢慢消失的。可现在你告诉我，一切仍旧和从前一样！”
“不完全和从前一样，”我姥姥说，“比如说，在英国就不再有女巫了。这是个大胜利，对吗？”
“那么世界其他地方呢？”我叫道，“那么美国、法国、荷兰、德国呢？那么挪威呢？”
“你别以为最近几天我一直坐着不动脑筋，”她说，“我对这个问题想了很久很多。”
她说这话时，我抬头看着她的脸。我一下子注意到，她的眼睛和嘴角开始慢慢地漾起神秘的微笑。“你为什么笑，姥姥？”我问她。
“我有些十分有趣的消息要告诉你。”她说。
“什么消息？”
“要我对你从头说起吗？”
“是的，请你说吧，”我说，“我喜欢好消息。”
她已经吃完煎蛋饼，我也吃了不少干酪。她用餐巾擦擦嘴，说：“我一回到挪威，就给英国打了个电话。”
“给英国什么人打电话呀，姥姥？”
“给伯恩默思的警长，我的宝贝。我对他说我是全挪威的警长，对最近华丽旅馆发生的特殊事件很感兴趣。”
“等一等，姥姥，”我说，“英国警察绝不会相信你是挪威警长的。”
“我很会学男人的声音，”她说，“他当然相信我的话。伯恩默思的警长接到全挪威警长的电话只会感到荣幸。”
“那么你问了他什么？”
“我问他住在华丽旅馆454号房间的那位失踪了的小姐叫什么名字，住在什么地方。”
“你是指女巫大王！”我叫道。
“是的，我的宝贝。”
“他告诉你了吗？”
“当然告诉我了。警察总是互相帮助的。”
“天啊，你真有头脑，姥姥！”
“我要了她的住址。”我姥姥说。
“但是他知道她的住址吗？”
“当然知道。他们在她的房间里找到了她的护照，上面有她的住址，旅馆登记簿上也有。
住旅馆的人要在登记簿上留下姓名和住址。”
“女巫大王绝不会在登记簿上留下真姓名和住址吧？”我说。
“为什么不？”我姥姥说，“除了其他女巫，世界上谁也不会对她是谁有一点怀疑。不管她到哪里，人们只知道她是一位好小姐。你，只有你一个人，自己不是女巫而见过她摘下面具。即使在她家的那个地区，在她所住的村子里，人们也只知道她是一位仁慈和富有的男爵夫人，大量捐钱做善事。我已经查明了。”
现在我兴奋起来，说：“姥姥，你得到的住址，一定是女巫大王的秘密总部。”
“它现在仍旧是，”我姥姥说，“现在新的女巫大王一定和她那些左右仍旧住在那里。重要的领导人总是有一大帮左右围着她转的。”
“她的总部在哪里，姥姥？”我叫道，“快告诉我它在哪里！”
“它是一个城堡，”我姥姥说，“使人高兴的是，这城堡里有世界上所有女巫的姓名和住址！不这样，女巫大王怎么干她的事呢？不这样，她怎么通知各国女巫参加她们的年会呢？”
“那城堡在哪里，姥姥？”我急得叫起来，“在哪个国家？快告诉我！”
“你猜一猜。”她说。
“挪威！”我叫道。
“一猜就对！”她回答说，“在群山高处，在一个小村子的上方。”
这是个惊人的消息。我兴奋得在桌子上跳起了舞。我姥姥已经十分激动，现在她离开她的椅子，开始拄着手杖在房间里的地毯上来回踱步。
“因此我们——你和我——有活干了！”她大声说，“有重要的工作等着我们去做！谢天谢地，你是一只老鼠！一只老鼠可以到任何地方去！我只要把你放在女巫大王的城堡附近就行了，你可以很容易地溜进去，随意看，随意听！”
“我会的！我会的！”我回答说，“没有人会看见我！和挤进满是厨师和侍者的厨房相比，在一座大城堡里走动等于儿童游戏！”
“如果需要，你可以在那里待几天！”我姥姥叫道。在兴奋中，她把手杖挥来挥去，一下子打翻了一个十分美丽的长花瓶，它落到地上跌了个粉碎。“忘了它吧，”她说，“它只是明朝的。如果有必要，你可以在城堡里待上几个星期，她们不会知道你在那里的！我自己呢，在村子里租个房间。你可以每天晚上溜出城堡，和我一起吃晚饭，把她们做的事告诉我。”
“我能办到！我能办到！”我叫起来，“在城堡里我可以到处探听！”
“但是你的主要工作，”我姥姥说，“自然是消灭那里的每个女巫。那就真的是整个组织的灭亡了！”
“我消灭她们？”我叫道，“我怎么能做到？”
“你猜不出来吗？”她说。
“告诉我吧。”我说。
“变鼠药啊！”我姥姥叫道，“用‘86号配方慢性变鼠药’重新再来一遍！你把药放到城堡里每个女巫的食物里让她们吃下去！你还记得那配方，对吗？”
“一点不漏！”我回答说，“你是说我们自己配制？”
“为什么不？”她叫道，“既然她们能够配制，我们也就能够配制！只要知道配什么就行！”
“谁爬上高树去取猪嘴鸟的蛋啊？”我问她。
“我去！”她叫道，“我亲自去！我这老太婆精力还很充沛呢！”
“我想还是我去好，姥姥。你没准会栽下来的。”
“这些只是细节！”她又挥舞起手杖来叫道，“什么也挡不了我们的道！”
“接下来会怎样呢？”我问她，“在新的女巫大王和城堡里所有其他的女巫都变成老鼠以后？”
“那时城堡就完全空了，我进去和你一起……”
“等一等！”我叫道，“等一下，姥姥！我刚想到了一个严重的问题！”
“什么严重问题呀？”她说。
“变鼠药把我变成老鼠以后，”我说，“我并没有变成用老鼠夹可以捉到的普通老鼠。我变成了一个能说能想的有智力的老鼠人，不会走近老鼠夹！”
我姥姥愣住了。她已经猜到接下来我要说什么了。
“因此，”我说下去，“如果我们用变鼠药把新的女巫大王和城堡里所有的女巫变成老鼠，整个城堡就将聚集着一些十分狡猾、十分可恶、十分危险、会说会想的老鼠女巫了！她们全是披着老鼠皮的女巫。这样，”我加上一句，“就实在可怕得不堪设想了。”
“天啊，你的话是对的！”她叫道，“这一点我简直没有想到过！”
“我绝对对付不了一城堡的老鼠女巫。”我说。
“我也对付不了，”她说，“必须马上把她们消灭。必须像在华丽旅馆里那样把她们打死，拍死，砍死。”
“我不干这个，”我说，“反正我也干不了这个。我相信你也做不到，姥姥。老鼠夹毫无用处。再说，”我加上一句，“把我变成老鼠的女巫大王曾经指望老鼠夹，结果不是也大错特错了吗？”
“对，对，”我姥姥忍不住地说，“但我如今关心的不是那个女巫大王。她早被旅馆厨师长斩成肉泥了。我们现在要对付的是新的女巫大王—在城堡里的那个—和她所有的助手。女巫大王假扮成太太小姐已经够坏的了，想想吧，如果是只老鼠，她会做出什么事情来啊！她可以到处钻！”
“有了！”我跳了足有一英尺高，“我有办法了！”
“快告诉我！”我姥姥厉声说。
“这办法就是猫！”我叫道，“把猫带进去！”
我姥姥看着我。接着她满脸堆笑，大声说：“太出色了！这个办法百分之百地出色！”
“放半打猫到城堡里去，”我叫道，“它们五分钟就会把那里的老鼠吃个精光，不管它们有多狡猾！”
“你是一个魔法师！”我姥姥叫道，又把她的手杖挥来挥去。
“当心花瓶！姥姥！”
“管它花瓶不花瓶呢！”她叫道，“我太兴奋了，打破多少个也不管！”
“只有一件事，”我说，“在你放猫进去之前，要绝对保证我已从那里出来了。”
“我保证。”她说。
“猫把所有的老鼠杀死以后，我们又做什么呢？”我问她。
“我把那些猫带回村子，然后城堡就归我们了。”
“接下来呢？”我说。
“接下来我们找档案，查出全世界所有女巫的姓名和住址！”
“再下来呢？”我兴奋得浑身发抖地说。
“再下来，我的宝贝，你我最伟大的工作开始了！我们收拾行李去周游世界！我们到每个国家去，找出女巫们住的房子！我们把每座房子都找出来，找到了你就溜进去，或者在面包里，或者在玉米片里，或者在布丁里，反正看到食物就滴上两滴你那种致命的变鼠药。我们将取得胜利，我的宝贝，一个无与伦比的伟大胜利！我们完全自己干，就你和我！这将是我们余生要做的工作！”
我姥姥把我从桌子上捧起来，亲亲我的鼻子。“噢，天啊，一个个星期，一个个月，一年年下来，我们将要忙得不可开交了！”她叫道。
“我想是的，”我说，“但那将多么好玩，多么叫人兴奋啊！”
“说得没错！”我姥姥叫道，亲了亲我的鼻子，“我急着要动手干了，都等不及啦！”