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August 4th.
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MY BELOVED BARBARA ALEXIEVNA,—These unlooked-for blows have shaken me terribly, and these strange calamities1 have quite broken my spirit. Not content with trying to bring you to a bed of sickness, these lickspittles and pestilent old men are trying to bring me to the same. And I assure you that they are succeeding—I assure you that they are. Yet I would rather die than not help you. If I cannot help you I SHALL die; but, to enable me to help you, you must flee like a bird out of the nest where these owls2, these birds of prey3, are seeking to peck you to death. How distressed5 I feel, my dearest! Yet how cruel you yourself are! Although you are enduring pain and insult, although you, little nestling, are in agony of spirit, you actually tell me that it grieves you to disturb me, and that you will work off your debt to me with the labour of your own hands! In other words, you, with your weak health, are proposing to kill yourself in order to relieve me to term of my financial embarrassments6! Stop a moment, and think what you are saying. WHY should you sew, and work, and torture your poor head with anxiety, and spoil your beautiful eyes, and ruin your health? Why, indeed? Ah, little Barbara, little Barbara! Do you not see that I shall never be any good to you, never any good to you? At all events, I myself see it. Yet I WILL help you in your distress4. I WILL overcome every difficulty, I WILL get extra work to do, I WILL copy out manuscripts for authors, I WILL go to the latter and force them to employ me, I WILL so apply myself to the work that they shall see that I am a good copyist (and good copyists, I know, are always in demand). Thus there will be no need for you to exhaust your strength, nor will I allow you to do so—I will not have you carry out your disastrous8 intention... Yes, little angel, I will certainly borrow some money. I would rather die than not do so. Merely tell me, my own darling, that I am not to shrink from heavy interest, and I will not shrink from it, I will not shrink from it—nay, I will shrink from nothing. I will ask for forty roubles, to begin with. That will not be much, will it, little Barbara? Yet will any one trust me even with that sum at the first asking? Do you think that I am capable of inspiring confidence at the first glance? Would the
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1
calamities
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n.灾祸,灾难( calamity的名词复数 );不幸之事 | |
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2
owls
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n.猫头鹰( owl的名词复数 ) | |
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3
prey
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n.被掠食者,牺牲者,掠食;v.捕食,掠夺,折磨 | |
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4
distress
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n.苦恼,痛苦,不舒适;不幸;vt.使悲痛 | |
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5
distressed
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痛苦的 | |
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6
embarrassments
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n.尴尬( embarrassment的名词复数 );难堪;局促不安;令人难堪或耻辱的事 | |
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7
hem
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n.贴边,镶边;vt.缝贴边;(in)包围,限制 | |
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8
disastrous
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adj.灾难性的,造成灾害的;极坏的,很糟的 | |
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9
mere
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adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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favourable
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adj.赞成的,称赞的,有利的,良好的,顺利的 | |
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prospect
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n.前景,前途;景色,视野 | |
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landlady
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n.女房东,女地主 | |
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apron
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n.围裙;工作裙 | |
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14
expend
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vt.花费,消费,消耗 | |
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15
solacing
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v.安慰,慰藉( solace的现在分词 ) | |
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16
pangs
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突然的剧痛( pang的名词复数 ); 悲痛 | |
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17
torment
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n.折磨;令人痛苦的东西(人);vt.折磨;纠缠 | |
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18
frankly
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adv.坦白地,直率地;坦率地说 | |
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19
flouts
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v.藐视,轻视( flout的第三人称单数 ) | |
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20
arrears
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n.到期未付之债,拖欠的款项;待做的工作 | |
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21
consorts
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n.配偶( consort的名词复数 );(演奏古典音乐的)一组乐师;一组古典乐器;一起v.结伴( consort的第三人称单数 );交往;相称;调和 | |
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22
decency
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n.体面,得体,合宜,正派,庄重 | |
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