The Platinum¹-Blond Man
There was no doubt in Matilda's mind that this latest display of foulness² by her father deserved
severe punishment, and as she sat eating her awful fried fish and fried chips and ignoring the
television, her brain went to work on various possibilities. By the time she went up to bed her
mind was made up.
The next morning she got up early and went into the bathroom and locked the door. As we already
know, Mrs Wormwood's hair was dyed a brilliant platinum blonde, very much the same glistening³
silvery colour as a female tightrope-walker's tights in a circus. The big dyeing job was done twice
a year at the hairdresser's, but every month or so in between, Mrs Wormwood used to freshen it up
by giving it a rinse⁴ in the washbasin with something called platinum blonde hair-dye extra strong.
This also served to dye the nasty brown hairs that kept growing from the roots underneath⁵. The
bottle of PLATINUM BLONDE HAIR-DYE EXTRA STRONG was kept in the cupboard in the
bathroom, and underneath the title on the label were written the words Caution, this is peroxide.
Keep away from children. Matilda had read it many times with fascination⁶. Matilda's father had a
fine crop of black hair which he parted in the middle and of which he was exceedingly proud.
"Good strong hair," he was fond of saying, "means there's a good strong brain underneath."
"Like Shakespeare," Matilda had once said to him.
"Like who?"
"Shakespeare, daddy."
"Was he brainy?"
"Very, daddy."
"He had masses of hair, did he?"
"He was bald, daddy."
To which the father had snapped, "If you can't talk sense then shut up."
Anyway, Mr Wormwood kept his hair looking bright and strong, or so he thought, by rubbing into
it every morning large quantities of a lotion

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