1841-1848

In the preceding pages I have given a short record of the first twenty-six years of my life — years of suffering, disgrace, and inward remorse¹. I fear that my mode of telling will have left an idea simply of their absurdities²; but, in truth, I was wretched — sometimes almost unto death, and have often cursed the hour in which I was born. There had clung to me a feeling that I had been looked upon always as an evil, an encumbrance³, a useless thing — as a creature of whom those connected with him had to be ashamed. And I feel certain now that in my young days I was so regarded. Even my few friends who had found with me a certain capacity for enjoyment⁴ were half afraid of me. I acknowledge the weakness of a great desire to be loved — of a strong wish to be popular with my associates. No child, no boy, no lad, no young man, had ever been less so. And I had been so poor, and so little able to bear poverty. But from the day on which I set my foot in Ireland all these evils went away from me. Since that time who has had a happier life than mine? Looking round upon all those I know, I cannot put my hand upon one. But all is not over yet. And, mindful of that, remembering how great is the agony of adversity, how crushing the despondency of degradation⁵, how susceptible⁶ I am myself to the misery⁷ coming from contempt — remembering also how quickly good things may go and evil things come — I am often again tempted⁸ to hope, almost to pray, that the end may be near. Things may be going well now —

“Sin aliquem infandum casum, Fortuna, minaris;
Nunc, o nunc liceat crudelem abrumpere vitam.”

There is unhappiness so great that the very fear of it is an alloy

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1 remorse
n.痛恨，悔恨，自责
参考例句：
She had no remorse about what she had said.她对所说的话不后悔。 He has shown no remorse for his actions.他对自己的行为没有任何悔恨之意。

2 absurdities
n.极端无理性( absurdity的名词复数 )；荒谬；谬论；荒谬的行为
参考例句：
She has a sharp eye for social absurdities, and compassion for the victims of social change. 她独具慧眼，能够看到社会上荒唐的事情，对于社会变革的受害者寄以同情。 来自辞典例句 The absurdities he uttered at the dinner party landed his wife in an awkward situation. 他在宴会上讲的荒唐话使他太太陷入窘境。 来自辞典例句

3 encumbrance
n.妨碍物，累赘
参考例句：
Only by overcoming our weaknesses can we advance without any encumbrance;only by uniting ourselves in our struggle can we be invincible.克服缺点才能轻装前进，团结战斗才能无往不胜。 Now I should be an encumbrance.现在我成为累赘了。

4 enjoyment
n.乐趣；享有；享用
参考例句：
Your company adds to the enjoyment of our visit. 有您的陪同，我们这次访问更加愉快了。 After each joke the old man cackled his enjoyment.每逢讲完一个笑话，这老人就呵呵笑着表示他的高兴。

5 degradation
n.降级；低落；退化；陵削；降解；衰变
参考例句：
There are serious problems of land degradation in some arid zones.在一些干旱地带存在严重的土地退化问题。 Gambling is always coupled with degradation.赌博总是与堕落相联系。

6 susceptible
adj.过敏的，敏感的；易动感情的，易受感动的
参考例句：
Children are more susceptible than adults.孩子比成人易受感动。 We are all susceptible to advertising.我们都易受广告的影响。

7 misery
n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦
参考例句：
Business depression usually causes misery among the working class.商业不景气常使工薪阶层受苦。 He has rescued me from the mire of misery.他把我从苦海里救了出来。

8 tempted
v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词）
参考例句：
I was sorely tempted to complain, but I didn't. 我极想发牢骚，但还是没开口。 I was tempted by the dessert menu. 甜食菜单馋得我垂涎欲滴。

9 alloy
n.合金，(金属的)成色
参考例句：
The company produces titanium alloy.该公司生产钛合金。 Bronze is an alloy of copper and tin.青铜是铜和锡的合金。

10 dissuade
v.劝阻，阻止
参考例句：
You'd better dissuade him from doing that.你最好劝阻他别那样干。 I tried to dissuade her from investing her money in stocks and shares.我曾设法劝她不要投资于股票交易。

11 honourable
adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的
参考例句：
I don't think I am worthy of such an honourable title.这样的光荣称号，我可担当不起。 I hope to find an honourable way of settling difficulties.我希望设法找到一个体面的办法以摆脱困境。

12 eastwards
adj.向东方（的），朝东（的）；n.向东的方向
参考例句：
The current sets strongly eastwards.急流迅猛东去。 The Changjiang River rolls on eastwards.长江滚滚向东流。

13 multiplication
n.增加，增多，倍增；增殖，繁殖；乘法
参考例句：
Our teacher used to drum our multiplication tables into us.我们老师过去老是让我们反覆背诵乘法表。 The multiplication of numbers has made our club building too small.会员的增加使得我们的俱乐部拥挤不堪。

14 censure
v./n.责备；非难；责难
参考例句：
You must not censure him until you know the whole story.在弄清全部事实真相前不要谴责他。 His dishonest behaviour came under severe censure.他的不诚实行为受到了严厉指责。

15 thoroughly
adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地
参考例句：
The soil must be thoroughly turned over before planting.一定要先把土地深翻一遍再下种。 The soldiers have been thoroughly instructed in the care of their weapons.士兵们都系统地接受过保护武器的训练。

16 purport
n.意义，要旨，大要；v.意味著，做为...要旨，要领是...
参考例句：
Many theories purport to explain growth in terms of a single cause.许多理论都标榜以单一的原因解释生长。 Her letter may purport her forthcoming arrival.她的来信可能意味着她快要到了。

17 fathom
v.领悟，彻底了解
参考例句：
I really couldn't fathom what he was talking about.我真搞不懂他在说些什么。 What these people hoped to achieve is hard to fathom.这些人希望实现些什么目标难以揣测。

18 persistent
adj.坚持不懈的，执意的；持续的
参考例句：
Albert had a persistent headache that lasted for three days.艾伯特连续头痛了三天。 She felt embarrassed by his persistent attentions.他不时地向她大献殷勤，使她很难为情。

19 legitimate
adj.合法的，合理的，合乎逻辑的；v.使合法
参考例句：
Sickness is a legitimate reason for asking for leave.生病是请假的一个正当的理由。 That's a perfectly legitimate fear.怀有这种恐惧完全在情理之中。

20 pecuniary
adj.金钱的；金钱上的
参考例句：
She denies obtaining a pecuniary advantage by deception.她否认通过欺骗手段获得经济利益。 She is so independent that she refused all pecuniary aid.她很独立，所以拒绝一切金钱上的资助。

21 hospitable
adj.好客的；宽容的；有利的，适宜的
参考例句：
The man is very hospitable.He keeps open house for his friends and fellow-workers.那人十分好客，无论是他的朋友还是同事，他都盛情接待。 The locals are hospitable and welcoming.当地人热情好客。

22 accurately
adv.准确地，精确地
参考例句：
It is hard to hit the ball accurately.准确地击中球很难。 Now scientists can forecast the weather accurately.现在科学家们能准确地预报天气。

23 perverse
adj.刚愎的；坚持错误的，行为反常的
参考例句：
It would be perverse to stop this healthy trend.阻止这种健康发展的趋势是没有道理的。 She gets a perverse satisfaction from making other people embarrassed.她有一种不正常的心态，以使别人难堪来取乐。

24 irrational
adj.无理性的，失去理性的
参考例句：
After taking the drug she became completely irrational.她在吸毒后变得完全失去了理性。 There are also signs of irrational exuberance among some investors.在某些投资者中是存在非理性繁荣的征象的。

25 dealing
n.经商方法，待人态度
参考例句：
This store has an excellent reputation for fair dealing.该商店因买卖公道而享有极高的声誉。 His fair dealing earned our confidence.他的诚实的行为获得我们的信任。

26 postal
adj.邮政的，邮局的
参考例句：
A postal network now covers the whole country.邮路遍及全国。 Remember to use postal code.勿忘使用邮政编码。

27 sufficiently
adv.足够地，充分地
参考例句：
It turned out he had not insured the house sufficiently.原来他没有给房屋投足保险。 The new policy was sufficiently elastic to accommodate both views.新政策充分灵活地适用两种观点。

28 incurred
[医]招致的，遭受的； incur的过去式
参考例句：
She had incurred the wrath of her father by marrying without his consent 她未经父亲同意就结婚，使父亲震怒。 We will reimburse any expenses incurred. 我们将付还所有相关费用。

29 engendered
v.产生（某形势或状况），造成，引起( engender的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句：
The issue engendered controversy. 这个问题引起了争论。 The meeting engendered several quarrels. 这次会议发生了几次争吵。 来自《简明英汉词典》

30 inquiry
n.打听，询问，调查，查问
参考例句：
Many parents have been pressing for an inquiry into the problem.许多家长迫切要求调查这个问题。 The field of inquiry has narrowed down to five persons.调查的范围已经缩小到只剩5个人了。

31 emblematic
adj.象征的，可当标志的；象征性
参考例句：
The violence is emblematic of what is happening in our inner cities. 这种暴力行为正标示了我们市中心贫民区的状况。 Whiteness is emblematic of purity. 白色是纯洁的象征。 来自辞典例句

32 grievance
n.怨愤，气恼，委屈
参考例句：
He will not easily forget his grievance.他不会轻易忘掉他的委屈。 He had been nursing a grievance against his boss for months.几个月来他对老板一直心怀不满。

33 irate
adj.发怒的，生气
参考例句：
The irate animal made for us,coming at a full jump.那头发怒的动物以最快的速度向我们冲过来。 We have received some irate phone calls from customers.我们接到顾客打来的一些愤怒的电话

34 wrath
n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒
参考例句：
His silence marked his wrath. 他的沉默表明了他的愤怒。 The wrath of the people is now aroused. 人们被激怒了。

35 conveyance
n.(不动产等的)转让，让与；转让证书；传送；运送；表达；（正）运输工具
参考例句：
Bicycles have become the most popular conveyance for Chinese people.自行车已成为中国人最流行的代步工具。 Its another,older,usage is a synonym for conveyance.它的另一个更古老的习惯用法是作为财产转让的同义词使用。

36 standing
n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的
参考例句：
After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。 They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

37 wrung
绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 )； 握紧（尤指别人的手）； 把（湿衣服）拧干； 绞掉（水）
参考例句：
He has wrung the words from their true meaning. 他曲解这些字的真正意义。 He wrung my hand warmly. 他热情地紧握我的手。

38 excise
n.(国产)货物税；vt.切除，删去
参考例句：
I'll excise the patient's burnt areas.我去切除病人烧坏的部分。 Jordan's free trade zone free of import duty,excise tax and all other taxes.约旦的自由贸易区免收进口税、国内货物税及其它一切税收。

39 rattling
adj. 格格作响的, 活泼的, 很好的 adv. 极其, 很, 非常 动词rattle的现在分词
参考例句：
This book is a rattling good read. 这是一本非常好的读物。 At that same instant,a deafening explosion set the windows rattling. 正在这时，一声震耳欲聋的爆炸突然袭来，把窗玻璃震得当当地响。

40 berth
n.卧铺，停泊地，锚位；v.使停泊
参考例句：
She booked a berth on the train from London to Aberdeen.她订了一张由伦敦开往阿伯丁的火车卧铺票。 They took up a berth near the harbor.他们在港口附近找了个位置下锚。

41 vigour
（=vigor）n.智力，体力，精力
参考例句：
She is full of vigour and enthusiasm.她有热情，有朝气。 At 40,he was in his prime and full of vigour.他40岁时正年富力强。

42 prosecute
vt.告发；进行；vi.告发，起诉，作检察官
参考例句：
I am trying my best to prosecute my duties.我正在尽力履行我的职责。 Is there enough evidence to prosecute?有没有起诉的足够证据？

43 profess
v.声称，冒称，以...为业，正式接受入教，表明信仰
参考例句：
I profess that I was surprised at the news.我承认这消息使我惊讶。 What religion does he profess?他信仰哪种宗教？

44 memoir
n.[pl.]回忆录，自传；记事录
参考例句：
He has just published a memoir in honour of his captain.他刚刚出了一本传记来纪念他的队长。 In her memoir,the actress wrote about the bittersweet memories of her first love.在那个女演员的自传中，她写到了自己苦乐掺半的初恋。

45 tyro
n.初学者；生手
参考例句：
She is a tyro in the art of writing poetry.她是一名诗歌创作艺术的初学者。 I am a veritable tyro at the game.我玩这个是新手。

46 deserted
adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的
参考例句：
The deserted village was filled with a deathly silence.这个荒废的村庄死一般的寂静。 The enemy chieftain was opposed and deserted by his followers.敌人头目众叛亲离。

47 gateway
n.大门口，出入口，途径，方法
参考例句：
Hard work is the gateway to success.努力工作是通往成功之路。 A man collected tolls at the gateway.一个人在大门口收通行费。

48 melancholy
n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的
参考例句：
All at once he fell into a state of profound melancholy.他立即陷入无尽的忧思之中。 He felt melancholy after he failed the exam.这次考试没通过，他感到很郁闷。

49 pathos
n.哀婉，悲怆
参考例句：
The pathos of the situation brought tears to our eyes.情况令人怜悯，看得我们不禁流泪。 There is abundant pathos in her words.她的话里富有动人哀怜的力量。

50 encumbered
v.妨碍，阻碍，拖累( encumber的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句：
The police operation was encumbered by crowds of reporters. 警方的行动被成群的记者所妨碍。 The narrow quay was encumbered by hundreds of carts. 狭窄的码头被数百辆手推车堵得水泄不通。 来自辞典例句

51 appreciable
adj.明显的，可见的，可估量的，可觉察的
参考例句：
There is no appreciable distinction between the twins.在这对孪生子之间看不出有什么明显的差别。 We bought an appreciable piece of property.我们买下的资产有增值的潜力。

52 kindly
adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地
参考例句：
Her neighbours spoke of her as kindly and hospitable.她的邻居都说她和蔼可亲、热情好客。 A shadow passed over the kindly face of the old woman.一道阴影掠过老太太慈祥的面孔。

53 hospitably
亲切地，招待周到地，善于款待地
参考例句：
At Peking was the Great Khan, and they were hospitably entertained. 忽必烈汗在北京，他们受到了盛情款待。 She was received hospitably by her new family. 她的新家人热情地接待了她。

54 obduracy
n.冷酷无情，顽固，执拗
参考例句：
Nuclear warhead has stronger obduracy which induces more effect on society. 具有较强顽固性的印度核弹头技术，造成了较大的社会影响。 来自互联网

55 doctrine
n.教义；主义；学说
参考例句：
He was impelled to proclaim his doctrine.他不得不宣扬他的教义。 The council met to consider changes to doctrine.宗教议会开会考虑更改教义。

56 utterly
adv.完全地，绝对地
参考例句：
Utterly devoted to the people,he gave his life in saving his patients.他忠于人民，把毕生精力用于挽救患者的生命。 I was utterly ravished by the way she smiled.她的微笑使我完全陶醉了。

57 prostrated
v.使俯伏，使拜倒( prostrate的过去式和过去分词 )；（指疾病、天气等）使某人无能为力
参考例句：
He was prostrated by the loss of his wife. 他因丧妻而忧郁。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》 They prostrated themselves before the emperor. 他们拜倒在皇帝的面前。 来自《简明英汉词典》

58 bloody
adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染
参考例句：
He got a bloody nose in the fight.他在打斗中被打得鼻子流血。 He is a bloody fool.他是一个十足的笨蛋。

59 butt
n.笑柄；烟蒂；枪托；臀部；v.用头撞或顶
参考例句：
The water butt catches the overflow from this pipe.大水桶盛接管子里流出的东西。 He was the butt of their jokes.他是他们的笑柄。

60 aggravation
n.烦恼，恼火
参考例句：
She stirred in aggravation as she said this. 她说这句话，激动得过分。 Can't stand the aggravation, all day I get aggravation. You know how it is." 我整天都碰到令人发火的事，你可想而知这是什么滋味。” 来自教父部分

61 undertaking
n.保证，许诺，事业
参考例句：
He gave her an undertaking that he would pay the money back with in a year.他向她做了一年内还钱的保证。 He is too timid to venture upon an undertaking.他太胆小，不敢从事任何事业。

62 interfere
v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰
参考例句：
If we interfere, it may do more harm than good.如果我们干预的话，可能弊多利少。 When others interfere in the affair,it always makes troubles. 别人一卷入这一事件，棘手的事情就来了。

63 reigned
vi.当政，统治（reign的过去式形式）
参考例句：
Silence reigned in the hall. 全场肃静。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》 Night was deep and dead silence reigned everywhere. 夜深人静，一片死寂。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

64 previously
adv.以前，先前（地）
参考例句：
The bicycle tyre blew out at a previously damaged point.自行车胎在以前损坏过的地方又爆开了。 Let me digress for a moment and explain what had happened previously.让我岔开一会儿，解释原先发生了什么。

65 partnership
n.合作关系，伙伴关系
参考例句：
The company has gone into partnership with Swiss Bank Corporation.这家公司已经和瑞士银行公司建立合作关系。 Martin has taken him into general partnership in his company.马丁已让他成为公司的普通合伙人。

66 precisely
adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地
参考例句：
It's precisely that sort of slick sales-talk that I mistrust.我不相信的正是那种油腔滑调的推销宣传。 The man adjusted very precisely.那个人调得很准。

67 condescend
v.俯就，屈尊；堕落，丢丑
参考例句：
Would you condescend to accompany me?你肯屈尊陪我吗？ He did not condescend to answer.He turned his back on me.他不愿屈尊回答我的问题。他不理睬我。

68 influential
adj.有影响的，有权势的
参考例句：
He always tries to get in with the most influential people.他总是试图巴结最有影响的人物。 He is a very influential man in the government.他在政府中是个很有影响的人物。

69 instigated
v.使（某事物）开始或发生，鼓动( instigate的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句：
The government has instigated a programme of economic reform. 政府已实施了经济改革方案。 He instigated the revolt. 他策动了这次叛乱。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

70 deplore
vt.哀叹，对...深感遗憾
参考例句：
I deplore what has happened.我为所发生的事深感愤慨。 There are many of us who deplore this lack of responsibility.我们中有许多人谴责这种不负责任的做法。

71 touting
v.兜售( tout的现在分词 )；招揽；侦查；探听赛马情报
参考例句：
He's been touting his novel around publishers for years. 他几年来一直到处找出版商兜售自己的小说。 来自《简明英汉词典》 Technology industry leaders are touting cars as a hot area for growth. 科技产业领袖吹捧为增长热点地区的汽车。 来自互联网

72 ignominious
adj.可鄙的，不光彩的，耻辱的
参考例句：
The marriage was considered especially ignominious since she was of royal descent.由于她出身王族，这门婚事被认为是奇耻大辱。 Many thought that he was doomed to ignominious failure.许多人认为他注定会极不光彩地失败。

73 injustice
n.非正义，不公正，不公平，侵犯（别人的）权利
参考例句：
They complained of injustice in the way they had been treated.他们抱怨受到不公平的对待。 All his life he has been struggling against injustice.他一生都在与不公正现象作斗争。

74 mutual
adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的
参考例句：
We must pull together for mutual interest.我们必须为相互的利益而通力合作。 Mutual interests tied us together.相互的利害关系把我们联系在一起。

75 strictly
adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地
参考例句：
His doctor is dieting him strictly.他的医生严格规定他的饮食。 The guests were seated strictly in order of precedence.客人严格按照地位高低就座。