Phineas took his seat in the House with a consciousness of much inward trepidation¹ of heart on that night of the ballot² debate. After leaving Lord Chiltern he went down to his club and dined alone. Three or four men came and spoke³ to him; but he could not talk to them at his ease, nor did he quite know what they were saying to him. He was going to do something which he longed to achieve, but the very idea of which, now that it was so near to him, was a terror to him. To be in the House and not to speak would, to his thinking, be a disgraceful failure. Indeed, he could not continue to keep his seat unless he spoke. He had been put there that he might speak. He would speak. Of course he would speak. Had he not already been conspicuous⁴ almost as a boy orator⁵? And yet, at this moment he did not know whether he was eating mutton or beef, or who was standing⁶ opposite to him and talking to him, so much was he in dread⁷ of the ordeal⁸ which he had prepared for himself. As he went down to the House after dinner, he almost made up his mind that it would be a good thing to leave London by one of the night mail trains. He felt himself to be stiff and stilted⁹ as he walked, and that his clothes were uneasy to him. When he turned into Westminster Hall he regretted more keenly than ever he had done that he had seceded¹⁰ from the keeping of Mr Low. He could, he thought, have spoken very well in court, and would there have learned that self-confidence which now failed him so terribly. It was, however, too late to think of that. He could only go in and take his seat.

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