Murtagh’s Story Continued — The Priest, Exorcist, and Thimble-Engro — How To Check a Rebellion

‘I was telling ye, Shorsha, when ye interrupted me, that I found the Pope, the rector, the sub-rector and the almoner seated at the table, the rector with my pack of cards in his hand, about to deal out to the Pope and the rest, not forgetting himself, for whom he intended all the trump-cards, no doubt. No sooner did they perceive me than they seemed taken all aback; but the rector, suddenly starting up with the cards in his hand, asked me what I did there, threatening to have me well disciplined if I did not go about my business. “I am come for my pack,” said I, “ye ould thaif, and to tell his Holiness how I have been treated by ye.” Then, going down on my knees before his Holiness, I said, “Arrah, now, your Holiness! will ye not see justice done to a poor boy who has been sadly misused¹? The pack of cards which that old ruffian has in his hand are my cards, which he has taken from me in order to chate with. Arrah! don’t play with him, your Holiness, for he’ll only chate ye — there are dirty marks upon the cards which bear the trumps², put there in order to know them by; and the ould thaif in daling out will give himself all the good cards, and chate ye of the last farthing in your pocket; so let them be taken from him, your Holiness, and given back to me; and order him to lave the room, and then if your Holiness be for an honest game, don’t think I’m the boy to baulk ye. I’ll take the ould ruffian’s place, and play with ye till evening, and all night besides, and divil an advantage will I take of the dirty marks, though I know them all, having placed them on the cards myself.” I was going on in this way when the ould thaif of a rector, flinging down the cards, made at me as if to kick me out of the room, whereupon I started up and said, “If ye are for kicking, sure two can play at that,” and then I kicked at his reverence³, and his reverence at me, and there was a regular scrimmage between us, which frightened the Pope, who, getting up, said some words which I did not understand, but which the cook afterwards told me were, “English extravagance, and this is the second edition”; for it seems that a little time before his Holiness had been frightened in St. Peter’s Church by the servant of an English family, which those thaives of the English religious house had been endeavouring to bring over to the Catholic faith, and who didn’t approve of their being converted. Och! his Holiness did us all sore

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